My bf is hiding things he does on the computer and facebook
Question Posted Tuesday September 7 2010, 12:40 am
I don't know what to do with him! I found out from my bff that my bf made a facebook group thing about our relationshp. I went and red a few things on it and it is personal and nothing anybody should know but us so I told him I knew he had a secret he was keeping from me but not what it was so he would tell me or something but he didn't. i kinda thought that he posted stuff and didn't think it was bad and I wanted to give him chances to say so but he just said he didnt have no secrets so i went back to read the rest and he had made it private only so now it is hidden from me.
I guess what I am asking is if he didn't think this was wrong why did he hide it when i found out? He still denies everything and now i got no proof because i cant see it anymore!!! i have been crying about this and i feel betrayed like he has a secret life on facebook or something! should i stay with him if he isn't going to be honest and still hides things?
meep answered Sunday June 5 2011, 9:08 pm: I'm sorry I haven't been on here in such a long time. I hope you're okay.
It sounds like your boyfriend has abusive tendencies that will only get worst as you get older, possibly narcissistic tendencies as well.
Why post details of your relationship up online and keep it from you, if only for some sort of weird self validation from his audience, or to relish in the fact that you are the butt of others' jokes. You might already be broken up with this guy by now (I'm sorry I didn't see this question sooner), but if you aren't, get far away from him. There's a mental issue going on with him, but since he's young right now, it's not on full blast. He could possibly become dangerous as he gets older. Not sure, but it sounds like he's heading in that direction. [ meep's advice column | Ask meep A Question ]
musiclover answered Sunday April 17 2011, 3:59 pm: If you have tried to hint that you know something, but still given him the chance to tell you about it and he hasn't, ditch him. If he can't be honest with you and he's making you this upset, what else has he lied to you about? You can't trust him. He's a goner. [ musiclover's advice column | Ask musiclover A Question ]
KisaKiss19 answered Tuesday February 22 2011, 4:41 pm: If he's not being truthful, then he's immature. I'd hope you see that he's immature, and that you don't have to waste your time on a guy like that. If he is posting things about you on facebook,and making a group about it, that shows he has no self-esteem and is desperate for attention. If it's truly affecting you negatively and you're afraid that the exposure of the things he's said is going to hurt your reputation, you can report him or the group. (from a friends page, seeing as he's blocked you.) Internet abuse is still abuse. If he's not going to be honest with you, there's no trust, and that alone is enough to break it off. I'm sorry if this seems harsh, but right off the bat I can see this guy isn't fit for anybody to date, at least until he grows up. Hope I've helped, and sorry things have come to that conclusion! Hope for the best.
Christine1993 answered Saturday December 25 2010, 2:29 am: i believe that you should first talk wit him about it. he shouldnt even be having his facebook hidden from you. relationships are about openness and trust. it's not like you're badgering him about it.
it's his own fault of why you feel like this. if he still doesnt budge, break up with him.
Mystique23 answered Sunday October 31 2010, 1:48 am: Well honey, I understand what you are going through!! The truth is if you want him to be honest, you have to be honest too!! If this bothers you then you are going to have to talk to him about it wholeheartedly. Tell him about what you saw or read and tell him how it makes you feel. Let him know that although you love him, this is your relationship too and there are certain things that you think should be private about it.
I think that you should let him know that you did not mean to pry, but you saw what you saw and it bugged you.
Now, as for him hiding it from you after he found out that you saw it. i think that you are right to be suspicious. After you ask him about it, if he denies any wrong doing say " honey(or whatever pet name you call him), I understand that you say it was not a big deal but if you did nothing wrong then why are you hiding it from me all of a sudden? this make me feel really bad, you don't know how much you are hurting me"
Now what I am about to tell you is for you and only you. This section has nothing to do with him. If you can't handle the suspicion and the potential lies, GET OUT!!! Do not stay in a relationship with someone you cannot trust. You are too smart for that. Don't sit around waiting for any guy to change. I honestly feel that this is a sign to not waste your time. Tell him how you really feel, put it all out. And if he does not respect the boundaries of your relationship after that then LEAVE!!! Empower yourself!!
GOD Bless you!!! [ Mystique23's advice column | Ask Mystique23 A Question ]
Milly203 answered Friday October 22 2010, 3:35 am: It deffinately sounds like he crossed a line. You're gonna have to sit him down and explain that if he wants to jeep a relationship with you he can't post both of your personal lives or experiences. I know you won't want to lose him so just make sure you're calm and make sure he knows you love him but if he keeps doing this it hurts you too much to stay with him. Does he know you've been crying? If that's not bothering him then he has issues that need fixed. I hope I helped, goodluck!! [ Milly203's advice column | Ask Milly203 A Question ]
LiLReBeL6907 answered Thursday October 21 2010, 1:27 pm: Hello! Sorry it took me so long to respond. My computer crashed a month ago and I haven't got my computer back until recently. It seems that your boyfriend is not being honest or mature about your relationship. That being said, I do think that you guys lack communication that is very important in having a healthy and long lasting relationship. This facebook group he made is very immature to make, especially if it goes in detail about your relationship. It seems to me, that his lack of communicating with you is being used towards this venture instead. Men tend to not be very open about their feelings and problems they may have with a relationship, mostly to avoid causing a fight. So they end up bottling things up and going elsewhere to try to solve these issues, instead of communicating it to you. Although you avoided telling him that you already knew about this group in hopes that he would open up and tell you the truth, I am assuming he knew exactly what you were trying to say because he made it private now. Not only was he unable to fess up and tell the truth when confronted about this secret, but he in turn still kept the group and made it harder to see! This shows me that he is perfectly fine with keeping this secret and has no realization to your feelings. That being said, I really think you need to try a new tactic to work for his honesty. And when I mean "work" for his honesty, I mean demand it. If he loves you he needs to be forth coming and honest up front. If he can't be honest over something as immature and as small as a facebook group, then there might be a lot more he has been hiding, especially if he is so comfortable lying to your face about it and then privatizing it to cover his tracks. I suggest sitting him down and being point blank honest with him. Tell him you know about the group and you are extremely hurt and offended that he would post personal things about your relationship online and then lie to you about it. Explain that you gave him a chance to be honest about it and talk to you, but that he lied. Ask him this: What is more important? That group, or us? And if you must, flip the situation. Most strong headed men only see things through one side. So give him a hypothetical situation, where you were the one posting these things and hiding them, and he was in your position. If you can make him see it through your eyes then maybe he will realize he is wrong. Be stern, but not confrontational. If he gets defensive and it starts turning into a fight, then walk away and let it go. His reaction is what is important. If his pride does not allow him to consider your feelings and admit he is wrong, then you might have to be the bigger person and let him go. Every person wants to be with someone they love and can be honest with. So if he can't be honest and talk to you, then do what is best for you and what you want. It seems to me that he is very selfish, so considering your feelings and if he can't do the same, then it is your turn to be selfish and do what is in your best interests. Hope I helped you! Again, sorry it took so long to post back! If you have any more questions or comments, feel free to write me back.
HollisterHunk answered Sunday October 17 2010, 11:28 pm: You should definatly at least confront him about it and say you know about the page and you dissaprove of it and you don't want him sharing everything about your relationship on facebook to everyone! Than maybe you guys can talk about it and he will delete it or something? Tell him you want to be more open and you don't want any secrets between you because all ita doing is hurting your relationship. I hope I helped! tell me if you need anything else! [ HollisterHunk's advice column | Ask HollisterHunk A Question ]
Jad answered Monday October 11 2010, 2:26 pm: ask one of your friends to show you their facebook account. look for the group again on their facebook account, take a picture of it and prove it to him. If he's dishonest with you in more things than just facebook, then you should consider leaving this relationship. [ Jad's advice column | Ask Jad A Question ]
StarryNightSkies answered Monday October 11 2010, 12:49 am: Hey Sorry I haven't been on here in such a long time. Hopefully everything is all worked out by now. Personally I think trust and honesty are two really important components in any relationship. You should be open and honest with him about what you saw, if he denies it then he is obviously lying to you. I'm not here to say what you should do with your relationship but if I were in your position there's strike one for him. I'd let him know how I feel and give him a chance to apologize and make up for his mistake, if it happens again then I'd know that he in no way is capable of holding my trust.
lookitslorin answered Saturday October 9 2010, 4:53 pm: If I were you I would demand he show me this facebook page. If he denies it exists, quote things from it that way he knows you know about it and you're not just making it up. If he still continues to deny it then give him an untimatum. Tell him either he tells you or you break up with him. Because you don't want someone who is going to be dishonest. A relationship is all about honesty, and if you don't have that then what do you have? Also, you're "bff" doesn't sound like much of a bff to me. If she were a real friend, she wouldn't have went behind your back in the first place. The things written on this group is your personal information and you should have access to it. I hope this has helped and sorry it has taken so long to reply. [ lookitslorin's advice column | Ask lookitslorin A Question ]
Teen2TeenHelp answered Sunday October 3 2010, 12:56 am: What exactly did me make about your relationship? because im confused. But, I can understand that you feel that he's hiding stuff from you. You should have confronted him right away when you read what you read.
I wouldn't be so trusting of him, knowing that he did that. He needs to believe you when you say you actually saw what was there and until he gives you an answer..u guys should take a little break and give him some time to figure some things out for yourselves, espeically him. [ Teen2TeenHelp's advice column | Ask Teen2TeenHelp A Question ]
Sweet_LiL_Angel answered Monday September 27 2010, 12:26 pm: Crying is the worst thing to do. My husband does it. you catch them in the lie and they deny it it until they are black and blue in the face. Now your lucky by not being married. What I did was confront him. some things he still doesnt want to admit it. I told him this, " from day one of knowing me you know i hate liers and i dont put up with people that lie to me. So why would you lie. He said he lies because he wants to make him self look good so i wont stop loving him. I explained if the lieing didn't stop that I was going to be done putting effort in our marriage if he was going to give the effort back. i hope i helpped. [ Sweet_LiL_Angel's advice column | Ask Sweet_LiL_Angel A Question ]
DarkChocolate794 answered Sunday September 26 2010, 8:53 am: Well he's lying to you, which you've already figured out. Whether you stay with him or not depends on how bad the stuff you had read on facebook was and how much you enjoy his company. If you still care about him, try to talk about it in a non-abrasive manner and maybe he'll explain his deal. [ DarkChocolate794's advice column | Ask DarkChocolate794 A Question ]
lg13 answered Saturday September 25 2010, 10:05 pm: i would dump him. seriously hun if he is hiding that from you imaging what else he is hiding. its one thing telling his friends what you two do together and another thing posting it online. besides you gave him a chance to be honest and he didnt take it.
remember if he hurts you once his the fool if he hurts you twice youre the fool.
smileydino answered Thursday September 23 2010, 9:34 pm: It's possible he made it private because there were private things about the two of you.
Honestly, sit him down and tell him you're being bothered. Talking it out really helps.
But everyone has things they keep to themselves and you shouldn't let it bother you too much. If things get more suspicious then you should worry. [ smileydino's advice column | Ask smileydino A Question ]
Uniq_The_Geek answered Thursday September 23 2010, 9:23 pm: Hi there! I wanna apologize in advance, seeing as that you asked me this question quite a while ago,and I never saw a notification in my e-mail.
First of all, if he's hiding it, it's because he knows it will upset you, or he doesn't want you to see anything on that page. Either way, he's wrong for doing this! Everyone keeps secrets, even in relationships. Unfortunately, the only way you can decide whether or not you should stay with him is by communicating. I would suggest letting him know that you know about this page, you've read stuff that he's posted, and ask him why did he hide it from you. Let him know that honesty is best when it comes to the relationship. And if he can't trust you and be honest with you, the foundations of the relationships are already destined to fail. I'm not sure how old you guys are, but this definitely doesn't sound like he's a mature guy. When you're in a serious relationship, honestly should come first. Yes, you will always encounter a guy who lies about watching porn, or maybe checking out other girls. But making a group on facebook to talk about YOUR relationship with HIM, seems pretty childish. He obviously has much to say, yet can't say it to his girlfriend. I hope I have helped, and take care!
littlemee answered Monday September 20 2010, 1:21 pm: okay, you need to sit him down and just come straight out and tell him you saw the facebook thing, or if you're not comfortable saying that tell him someone told you about it which is true. if he doesn't tell you, then you need to tell him that you don't trust him because a relationship cannot survive if there is no trust, trust me on that. it might be that he only hid it because he realised it was wrong and didn't want to fight with you so just thought that if he deleted it then it would all be fine, you never know but you have to talk about this.
x [ littlemee's advice column | Ask littlemee A Question ]
cloudy_conscience answered Sunday September 19 2010, 11:13 am: Boys often don't think about things the way that we do, I think that he didn't think that you would be angry then once you found out he kinda panicked and hid it and is denying it. I think the best thing for you to do is to sit down with him, tell him you saw it, and then tell him why you are upset about it. Let him know that you don't appreciate the lies, because if he can lie about something this small he could lie about something bigger, therefore its hard for you to trust him. I totally get where you are coming from, but you just have to try and think about it from his point of view. My husband and I have had this problem before, and once I sat down and talked to him about it things are much better. Let him know that you will not stand for him lying, relationships are based on honesty and trust, there is no place for lies. Communication is key to a happy healthy relationship.
Hope I Helped :)) [ cloudy_conscience's advice column | Ask cloudy_conscience A Question ]
LiTTLEGiRLBLUE answered Thursday September 16 2010, 12:45 pm: First of all, you should be straight out with him. Tell him exactly what you found. Tell him that you found the Facebook group about your relationship. I'm assuming he knows already, but just tell him so he knows that you're being serious about this. Once you tell him, make sure he's on the same page with you when it comes down to the privacy of your relationship. Tell him you don't like him exposing personal things about your relationship.
He made it private? Are you close to one of his friends? If so, have one of his friends join the group and have him tell what he is posting. If you don't aren't friends with any of his, you could maybe make up a fake account. I know it's lame, but it may be the only way. Make it a male account. He'll probably think it's a guy trying to get a laugh or someone who's just a creep and is into that stuff.
Once you have to prove, show him. If he denies, tell him you're not going to put up with it. Give him an explanation to why you think it's wrong. If he doesn't think it's wrong, tell him you feel uncomfortable that he posts personal things about you guys.
Lastly, have him explain to you why he thought he should hide it from you when he's suppose to be honest. Make him delete the group. And after, tell him he's going to have to earn the trust you lost him because he didn't tell you about it.
If he makes a whole deal about it. Like, he starts yelling at you and telling you that you don't trust him. Dump him. If he really cares about you, he'll delete the and apologize.
awreeses1031 answered Wednesday September 15 2010, 11:37 pm: The most important thing you have to have in a relationship is trust and honesty, when he posts personal things about your guy's relationship, that is uncalled for, especially when it's on something as public as facebook. And you know what you saw, you know it was there so him lieing only makes it worst. tell him straight up be like I know what I saw and I do not appreciate it, let him know how mad you are. Do not let him walk all over you. if this was his first time lieing give him another chance but If he continues to lie then he's just another jerk. Break that off.Hope I helped (: [ awreeses1031's advice column | Ask awreeses1031 A Question ]
WittyUsernameHere answered Wednesday September 15 2010, 2:44 pm: If you're not comfy with what he did and you can't discuss it rationally, yeah you should probably leave.
That said, facebook drama is stupid. If this is all it takes to comprise a "secret life" you're both incredibly sheltered. Depending on the information shared he could have been a total ass or you could be blowing this completely out of proportion. I don't know. Your "I know you have a secret" bullshit is immature. If you have a problem with someone you're dating, confront them with the same honesty you're expecting them to display. Creating tests for him to fail is no way to conduct a relationship. [ WittyUsernameHere's advice column | Ask WittyUsernameHere A Question ]
LM answered Wednesday September 15 2010, 9:50 am: I wouldn't put up with that. There seems to be a lot of dishonesty going on here and you can't be in a (good) relationship with someone you don't trust.
Ask your best friend to show you this group, see what's atually written, and then decide from there. See if he's actually writing anything, it might be a bigger group than you realize, etc etc. You should have all the information before making a decision.
tropicalbabe33 answered Wednesday September 15 2010, 6:03 am: Sorry I've taken a while to reply, and don't worry it's not too long at all!
This is tricky because it's really hard to know what he thinks about the group and what it means to him. It might not be anything to worry about, but on the other hand, it could be. I feel like I'd be able to help more if I knew what kind of things he posted, and who he lets be members of the group. For example, are the members of the group a bunch of his guy friends and does he use it for boasting about the physical side of your relationship? Because I think if that's the case he's definitely not respecting you, and he most definitely knows that you wouldn't be happy with it, which is why he hasn't told you about it.
On the other hand, if it's various people and he just talks about how he feels for you, what your relationship means to him and maybe things you've done together (but not sexual) or said to each other, it may be that he is just really happy with your relationship and proud of it to the point where he wants to show it off to the world, and is maybe emabarrassed of what you would think about it, which is why he hasn't told you about it.
I'm kind of confused as to whether you've asked him directly about the group. If you havn't, it could be that he doesn't think it's bad and therefore didn't mention it to you when you asked if he had any secrets he wanted to tell you. If you have, and he denied it, then depending on what the group focuses on, I think the reason is one of the two I've mentioned above. If you havn't, I would ask him about and see what he says.
I think, if the group is him boasting about the physical side of your relationship, then he knows it is wrong. If it's talking about your relationship and his feelings towards you, then perhaps he doesn't, but is too embarassed to show you it. You need to tell him you know about the group, and that you feel he's invading your privacy because you don't feel comofortable with other people knowing these things about your relationship. If he apologizes and says he will remove the group, I'd try and get someone who was a member to check. If he doesn't, then it's your choice what you do from there. If you feel like you can't be with someone who doesn't respect your privacy, then you're going to have to make the decision whether you stay with him.
You need to work out whether he realised this would hurt you or not, and if you know the content of the blog and can talk to him about it, hopefully you will.
elw5039 answered Tuesday September 14 2010, 2:10 pm: He is not being honest and no relationship will work without honesty. It seems to me that you have 2 options here. Either end it now or stick it out and see if things get better. I know ending it now is easier said than done, but chances are, if he cant be honest about something small like facebook, and continues to deny it even tho he probably knows you know, he will lie about bigger things and the relationship will probably not work out.
If you dont want to end things, you need to confront him and say I know about the facebook page, I saw it even tho its private now, i know its you, and you have this one chance and one chance only to come clean about it and if he cares about you or your relationship at all he needs to be honest. If he still denies it hes clearly not worth your time and he thinks your dumb enough to believe him. If he comes clean tho, things might not be doomed and there might be a chance you can work things out. So confront him and see what he has to say, and either way, make it clear to him how much what he did hurt you and how much him lying to you hurt you.
kaaitlyn answered Sunday September 12 2010, 7:07 pm: i think you should be straight up with him, like tell him that you know there is a facebook group about your relationship. and if he doesnt beleive you tell him some of the stuff you read and see how he reacts. if he says sorry and that he was wrong and you think you can still trust him then i dont think you should let it get in the way of your relationship. however if you tell him and he denies it and accuses you of lying then i think that you are way to good for that.
XSugarPieX77 answered Sunday September 12 2010, 12:03 pm: I apologize greatly for this taking so long for me to respond. I've been very busy with school. I think you should definitely discuss what you saw. Just tell him a friend happened to stumble upon it and decided to show you. If he lies about the site, then you need to tell him that if he's going to lie you're not going to deal with that. He seems to be very immature to make something like this. Hope i helped!
vikkikimberly answered Sunday September 12 2010, 6:51 am: ok sorry ive taken awhile lifes been hectic at the mo.
maybe make a ghost account to see what he says... see if he has updated it... make sure this ghost account is NOTHING like you. get a random picture of someone of of google. and there you go... ghost account activated.
if not do you have a freind on the page that could back you up? you could send the link to me if you want and id give you my personal advice in another question if you want? thats totally up to you though i understand you dont want people seeing that page.
and the honesty, personally i find its a big thing. i personally would stay with him... however ask a friend what is n this page.. what he has wrote on it etc.
asktatianna answered Sunday September 12 2010, 1:43 am: Well You might Not Think It So Bad But He Has feeling To hide it...mabe he thinks hes going trough something and he dosent want you to know He dsnies it ...not because hes doin something allll outta pocket...Like When you were little and a grown up caught you in a liee...you would keep dening it just so you wont have to admit you wrong...or hiding somethin....well hes the little boy who doesnt want to admit hes done something terribly wrong(at least thats what he thinks) but if you try to ease him into it like you would a child......im pretty sure he'll spit it u!!!!
ShineyStarz answered Saturday September 11 2010, 1:32 pm: It really depends exactly on what the content is that he posted on that Facebook group. Maybe he really loves your relationship and wants to share some things with other people (bragging rights), but felt embarrassed when you found out (is he an outgoing type that talks about his feelings freely?).
OR did it have very inappropriate content that you and he should SOLELY know of?
Either way, my answer remains the same. Relationships are built on trust. if he's hiding something from you, then I'm sorry but there'll be more things he'll be hiding from you as the relationship progresses.
Tired of giving him chances? YOU take on the authority and confront HIM about it and he better give you an answer or else!
I can’t tell you whether to stay with him or not, but you need to solve the Facebook problem first and THEN go on from there.
Sydney1o1 answered Saturday September 11 2010, 12:52 pm: Dear Confused,
Well for one, i think it's a little strange he made a facebook group about your relationship and your personal information unless he was just bragging about you. I would just tell your boyfriend the whole situation and be honest. Tell him you saw it on facebook and that you're not really happy that your personal information is online for others to see. If then he decides that he is going to lie about, i would have to say it probably would not be the best thing for you to stay with him if he isn't be honest with you. And don't cry over a boy! Everythign will be fine just keep your head up!
~Sydney1o1 [ Sydney1o1's advice column | Ask Sydney1o1 A Question ]
AlexLobrano answered Saturday September 11 2010, 12:46 am: Well I'm not here to decide whether or not you should stay with him or break up; that's ultimately your decision. I do want to point out though that relationships are built off of trust, and if you don't have trust in him, then there may be a problem. The situation does sound sketchy with how he is trying to hide things, so I would suggest just confronting him about it. If he continues to deny things and see nothing wrong with what he has done, then the ball's in your court. You'll have to decide if you can remain in a relationship with someone you don't fully trust, or see if you can repair the damaged trust between you two. Trust is very fragile; it is easy to break, but very hard to rebuild. Good luck [ AlexLobrano's advice column | Ask AlexLobrano A Question ]
BMH0987 answered Saturday September 11 2010, 12:29 am: Theres 3 things that every relationship needs; Communication, trust, and Honesty.
TALK TO HIM!! don't be scared, tell him straight up that you saw what he posted on facebook before he set it to private, ask him why he set it to private moments after you asked him if he was hiding anything from you! obvoiusly, he knows your suspicious, and he doesn't want you seeing what's going on on his facebook. If he continues to deny it breakup with him. Nobody likes liars :)
Be strong, and Don't cry. Boys, they come and go, but you'll always have your friends as a support system. eventually, you'll come to realise that you don't need a guy to be happy! Honestly, if I was you I would just dump him. Who knows, He could be cheating, and you'd never know! He shouldn't hide things from you. Tell him that you want him to take his facebook off private, if he can't do that then he doesn't deserve you.
Hope I helped! and, sorry it took me so long to reply, I barely ever get on here. Let me know how things go with you two! [ BMH0987's advice column | Ask BMH0987 A Question ]
shelbylynnwalker answered Friday September 10 2010, 5:29 pm: if he's not going to be honest with you, then you shouldnt be with him. relationships are built on honesty, and trust. he doesnt have the right to post your personal information about your relationship all over facebook. talk to him about it. let him know that if he doesnt delete the group, then you'll leave him, and he'll ruin your relationship, and also your friendship. if he deletes the group, then it's your choice what to do, wether to stay with him or not. if he doesnt, don't waste your time with a guy like him.
lindsay10 answered Friday September 10 2010, 1:11 pm: If there's secrets in the relationship then most likely it's not a real one. The truth might hurt, but, I'm guessing you're young, so you shouldn't settle. If you feel like you have to change him, or try hard to "fix" something that happens, then you should just move on. You have the rest of your life to find the right one. Don't waste your time on some guy who is keeping secrets, and trash-talking you on facebook for everyone else to see. You're absolutely right about keeping private things private. It's a "mutual respect" thing, and seeing as there is none then he might have to learn the hard way. Maybe he'll learn eventually. And if you want to give him another chance later on since you still could have feelings for him then take it slow. Make sure you see that he's different (in a good way), and go from there.
russianspy1234 answered Friday September 10 2010, 11:04 am: If anything the questions isn't long enough. Without knowing the details of what he was saying it's kinda hard to tell. Everyone has secrets, but if he was posting things like "she makes a cute face when we are having sex" then yeah you should be mad. [ russianspy1234's advice column | Ask russianspy1234 A Question ]
Debbie235 answered Friday September 10 2010, 12:57 am: I can't really say that the facebook issue is a cause to break-up... But not being honest with you is a NO NO... Without honesty theres no trust... And without trust theres no foundation... So with him lying and you knowing it... That leaves you in a akward position...
And on the other hand, Something I've notice about facebook is, a social networking site alot of people tend to use to vent. Your boyfriend maybe was wrong for being dishonest to you but... Look at it this way... Maybe he posted those things about your relationship so he can get feed back. So he can vent, so he could get advice.
And by you seeing it maybe it shamed him. And he's to shameful to admit what he was doing. Now question yourself. How open is your relationship? How good is your relationship? How strong is your relationship? What in the world could be right or wrong about your relationship where your boyfriend have to tell friends family and strangers things only you to should discuss.
Honestly I don't think theres no need for a break up, I think that you two need to talk it out. And you need to demand to know weather theres problems between you two that you don't know about. Also why in the world would someone you share so many intimate moments with will blast it on a social networking site. My honest opinion, If it was me I'll be pissed! [ Debbie235's advice column | Ask Debbie235 A Question ]
hotpotato answered Thursday September 9 2010, 9:05 pm: thank you for putting a question in my inbox. i must first apologize, i don't have a great deal of experience when it comes to relationships. i can only offer my limited opinion. don't worry about long questions at all, it is good you provided detail.
do you know if there were people in the group or was he the only one? like your mutual friends? (like your bff?) you should ask one of them if the group is still up. i am surprised no one came to tell you. this is terrible. i'm sorry this happened to you. =(
it is kind of strange to me that he would make a facebook group about your relationship, which is something that should be private and between only you two. and it is definitely wrong of him to just now hide it from you. it does not matter what he posted, to reiterate, your relationship is your relationship and no one else's business.
i think it is suspicious that he would hide something like that, if it were harmless. you are right in confronting him about this, and giving him a chance to explain himself. he needs to be honest with you, and if he cannot come forward to you about something as small as this, it is potentially worrisome because what else is he hiding from you? your gut feelings are usually correct. there must be something more that you both need to address. you should discuss with him that you just need complete honesty if you guys are to have a future in this relationship.
i don't want to tell you what you should do about your relationship, but i think this is a major breach in trust. i mean, he could have just kept a diary of some sort for himself or something, but a facebook group is something public, as you eventually found out. something anyone could have accessed. the fact that he was secretive about it and denied its existence is something you really need to consider when making your decision about either staying or leaving. [ hotpotato's advice column | Ask hotpotato A Question ]
Peeps answered Thursday September 9 2010, 7:39 pm: I definitely wouldn't jump the gun and assume he's doing something on purpose to hurt you or the relationship. I definitely wouldn't go as far as saying he's leading a second life on Facebook either. He probably had no bad intentions for what he did at all. Many people do things like this like if they're seeking advice from other people or are just chit-chatting about their relationship (and relationships are good and bad). If he didn't say something like, "I hate my GF so much!" then you should really question how "serious" this is. It sort-of sounds, to me, like you may be overreacting just a tad.
It's possible he doesn't even consider it a secret from you. If it isn't a big deal for him then he might not even think twice about it, and, thus, not even realize he is "keeping" something from you.
Online discussions are much like non-online discussions. You meet with a group of your friends and chit-chat about all sorts of things like your girlfriend or boyfriend, things you've done lately, and more. The anonymity of the internet makes it even "safer" in that he might not disclose his real name (or your real name) and nobody will know just exactly who is posting what about who.
Talking to his friends (online or offline) doesn't mean he's leading a secret life. It means he's a human being.
When you meet with you girlfriends I bet sometimes you say, "Man, when BOYFRIEND does this crazy thing it really gets on my nerves. I love him though." He may just be doing the same thing online, especially if he doesn't have many in-real-life friends to talk with. I'm sure you don't fill him in on every little detail you discuss with your girl friends so why assume he would fill you in on every little detail he discusses with his online friends? Sure, you fill each other in on with the important things but not all of the other tidbits--this may just be an unimportant "tidbit" for him. He might be thinking--he talked with his friends about his relationship, so what?
If it turned out to not be so important to him (whatever he posted was resolved, for example) then there might not be a reason for him to tell you. I mean, if he realized later that he was just cranky then he might reread what he wrote and say, "Oh, wow. Yeah, I must have been REALLY tired then..." and move on with life.
Example: You're posting here about your relationship. You mean no harm in it. If he saw it, he may be hurt and feel that this shouldn't have been posted online since it is seen as a serious matter for you. You probably won't come up to him and say anything about this posting on Advicenators if the problem is resolved on your end. Turns out, this is pretty anonymous so even if your next-door neighbor is reading it they won't know it's you having relationship issues. That kind-of makes it more comfortable to come for advice, especially about personal matters. You probably wouldn't walk into your school and just announce these things ;) but it's sometimes good to have an ear that will listen to you.
Chances are he means no harm. Sit down and talk with him if it really still bothers you. Just say, "I read this thing online about us from Facebook and it appeared you had posted it. It hurt me because of x, y, and z things and I was upset. I wanted to confront you about it and then saw it was removed/made private. Can we please talk about this?" If it isn't a big deal to him then expect him to not quite understand what you're going on about. He may get hurt feelings if you've misinterpreted something he typed (it happens quite frequently) or may even feel like you won't allow him to talk to his friends about you/the relationship without reporting back to you about every detail.
As a last idea, the postings may actually have been meant as more of a good and positive thing on his side. Everyone needs to vent. Everyone needs advice from others from time to time. It's possible that he was seeking an outside source for a different prospective, some input, or just to let off some steam. It happens. It's human.
If he wasn't making fun of you or expressing strong dislike for you then I wouldn't worry about it too much. If he kept things fairly anonymous (no specific names) then nobody probably even knows it is you two. Seriously.
"i kinda thought that he posted stuff and didn't think it was bad..."
That's probably the real truth of it. He posted things and didn't think it was bad at all so didn't give it a second thought. He may now have made them private because he realized they shouldn't be seen by others or that the issues are over and he removed them. Maybe he just prefers things to be private and just realized they weren't already private after all and went on to fix that. It's good odds that you're "reading too into this" and it is only a coincidence he made things private recently on that.
Remember that making it "private" on Facebook, to my knowledge, means nobody else can see the information. Nobody else can read it but him. This means he isn't talking behind your back (which sounds like you biggest worry here) at all. Think of it like keeping a diary, in a sense. Private means only he can see it.
If you can't overcome then this you should just talk to the guy. He can tell you first-hand what was happening. Don't be surprised if it wasn't at all what you were thinking about it. Just relax and stop playing this guessing game. It's only setting yourself up to be hurt if he just never guesses what you want him to. [ Peeps's advice column | Ask Peeps A Question ]
xoxonicole answered Thursday September 9 2010, 6:44 pm: Well, I would ask one of my friends who is friends with him to look at it. If it's bad, the break up with him. At least, that's what I'd do. You shouldn't have to hide things from your BF/GF. [ xoxonicole's advice column | Ask xoxonicole A Question ]
Sageadvisor answered Thursday September 9 2010, 1:23 pm: Hi. I'm not sure why you confronted him in such a roundabout way, but you can stop with the indirect approach right now. You don't need "proof" - you saw what he was doing, and now he has a private area of Facebook you can't get into. Just lay it on the line - tell him you know what he did, and there's to be no more posting private info about the two of you on Facebook (or any other public forum), and no more hidden/secret areas either. Period. If he won't do it, dump him. Your requests of privacy in your relationship are entirely reasonable. Anyone who wouldn't honor them is being a douchebag.
MissYMelisS answered Thursday September 9 2010, 12:28 pm: You need to ask yourself, why would someone make a facebook group about your personal life. That is a huge breach of trust, and wrong in so many ways. Your not telling everyone your personal life so he has no right to be doing that either. You need to approach him about it, and if that doesnt work then you should leave him. He doesnt respect you. [ MissYMelisS's advice column | Ask MissYMelisS A Question ]
jean_nicole answered Thursday September 9 2010, 11:40 am: Why did he even create the facebook page in the first page, it seems really odd.
But to answer your question, no never stay with someone who does things like that. For one is just plain creepy that he would even make that page, and if you think about it if he is hiding a page on facebook whats going to stop him from lying to you about other things or cheating on you.
Once a lier, ALWAYS a lier. [ jean_nicole's advice column | Ask jean_nicole A Question ]
TheLonelySoul answered Thursday September 9 2010, 11:24 am: He's hiding things from you because he does not want you to know what it is. That sounds creepy. Well if he won't be honest, he probably never will be & if I were you I would leave him. It's up to you though. People can actually get arrested for certain things they write on social networking sites. My friend almost got arrested for something he wrote on myspace, they sent a cop to his house, they had printed out his writing. You can actually report him if you want. [ TheLonelySoul's advice column | Ask TheLonelySoul A Question ]
Cux answered Thursday September 9 2010, 10:54 am: Sit him down and talk to him. Tell him how this situation is making you feel. It's wrong of him to post details about your relationship that are personal. Tell him that. If he's not going to take down the facebook group, then I'd seriously consider rethinking your relationship with him. That's just freaking weird...
xxemilyfeil answered Thursday September 9 2010, 10:48 am: Well, it's bad for a couple to hide things from each other for sure. It's also wrong for him to let the whole world know what you guys do together- thats personl, and very private. Maybe he was embarressed to tell you what was on the website. Maybe his friends told him to do, which still does not make it right. Whatever it may be, you should tell him you know, even if you already think he knows you know. You can't imply things and hope for him to say something, because it wont get you anywhere. You should talk him about it, and tell him how you feel and what bothers you. If he still denies this and isn't being honest, dump him. He isn't worth it, and you can find a better guy.
thelaura answered Thursday September 9 2010, 9:50 am: Thanks for the inbox question.
Hun, just come straight out and ask about it.
When you're in a relationship, you need to be clear with one another - don't ever be afraid to tell him something and don't hide your feelings when he's hurting you.
Don't beat around the bush, just say "someone told me about the Facebook group you made, I saw it and I'm not too happy about it"
I'm not sure whether he posted good or bad things on it, but either way, it's still not very nice of him to keep it a secret and act like nothing happened.
communication is key. If he still wants to lie about it and deny etc, perhaps you do need to reconsider your relationship, because if he can't be truthful to you, there's no trust. With no trust, there's no love.
Give him a chance to explain by letting him know you know what he posted and like I said, if he's still lying to you, I think you know the right thing to do.
tearsxinxheavenn answered Thursday September 9 2010, 12:25 am: first of all i do not know him. But what your describing is a very immature boy. he should not be putting out there any information about your relationship. when entering a relationship most people let down a guard and trust that your partner will not tell anybody. And for him to post it on facebook like he didnt care how you feel is childish. just because you turn a certain age doesnt mean you are ready for a relationship. you are a strong person and deserve a strong mature man by your side. dont let this boy get the satisfaction of you being upset over it. time to throw out the trash and look for someone else. remember relationships are supposed to make you happy! not upset. and trust is a key aspect in a relationship and he odviously doesnt care. hope this helps sweetie and if you ever need advice im always here :] [ tearsxinxheavenn's advice column | Ask tearsxinxheavenn A Question ]
christina? answered Wednesday September 8 2010, 11:53 pm: If your boyfriend is putting your whole relationship out there (on Facebook, no less) then he obviously doesn't respect you. The fact that he's either asking for advice from others or just putting it out there just says that he doesn't care enough about you or the relationship to deal with it personally between the two of you.
To be completely honest, secrets have no place in a relationship, and if he can't come to you with his issues, he shouldn't be in a relationship. He honestly does not seem mature enough to be in one. If he's gonna act 5, then he shouldn't have a girlfriend.
If you don't think you should stay with him, then don't. It's completely your decision but take it from someone who's been around the block - you shouldn't stay with him. He's clearly not worth your time. [ christina?'s advice column | Ask christina? A Question ]
bestttadviceox answered Wednesday September 8 2010, 9:54 pm: hey I hope I can help but I'm a little confused. I know you may not want to share but for me to give you good advice I sorta need to know what sort of things were n the facebook thing. For example, If he were reaching out to friends asking them how to make your relationship better maybe he was just trying to fix your relationship or something but was just going about it the wrong way. However, If he was posting intimate details about your sex life or something thats a different sorry. No matter what he was posting, he should not have lied to you. You should tell him you know about the group and that it really hurt you. Tell him he needs to admit it ad talk about it if he wants to stay with you because relationships are based on trust. I would like to help you further, if you would not mind giving me more details about what he posted. Unless you think I already helped enough. Hope I did! Let me now how it goes :) [ bestttadviceox's advice column | Ask bestttadviceox A Question ]
sftball33 answered Wednesday September 8 2010, 9:34 pm: I think you should just tell him that you know.I think he would hide it from you so that he doesn't have to hear you try to explain that you know because he obvisouly doesn't want you to. I think this is REALLY disrespectful and if a guy REALLY likes you he would never do anything close to that. He would like you and your imperfections. But I would deinatley bring it up to him and tell him you were hurt because you dont want your personal life on public display. I dont know if you should even like him after this. I don't know but I would be very hurt by this. But forshure bring this up to him and if he denies it why dont u have your friend go on it and take a picture of it or have backup that she knows so he can't deny it.
xkellxx answered Wednesday September 8 2010, 8:59 pm: wow. i know it sounds hard but definitely dont stay with him!! he should not be doing sketchy stuff like that. its one thing if he owns up to it but hes completely hiding it from you!
Jami answered Wednesday September 8 2010, 8:53 pm: I can't tell you what to do, but relationships have to be built on trust and if there is none it won't work. You should tell him how you feel but if he doesn't seem to care and continues hiding and sneaking I would just move on. Its not worth it to go thru the drama whether its over facebook or something else. You may need to have someone who is more mature if facebook or sneaking is an issue in your relationship. [ Jami's advice column | Ask Jami A Question ]
iloveyousomuchxo answered Wednesday September 8 2010, 8:13 pm: You need to sit down with him, and straight up tell him you don't like what he did, and you want to see the group from his facebook. There are things in relationships that are no one's business, except the two people in the relationship. He sounds like he needs to grow up, a lot. I think you can find better, and you don't need him. I think you should find someone else.
soendearing answered Wednesday September 8 2010, 7:29 pm: Well if I were you, I would pull up the page the next time the both of you are together. Ask him what this is about, and that you've known about it since BEFORE he changed the privacy on it. Tell him the things you've read from it and tell him you want him to come clean now, or that it'll seriously effect your relationship. If he doesn't come clean after being provided the proof, I wouldn't stay with him because he's a liar, and he is hiding stuff. If he does come clean, then the choice is up to you wether to keep him around, or not.
sunshine1232 answered Wednesday September 8 2010, 7:08 pm: No i don't think you should stay with him if he's not going to be honest with you and he hides things plus lies you don't deserve to have that done to you or to be treated like that nobody does i think he hid it when you found out because he knew he was lieing to you & he said he had no secrets but yet he did he denied everything and wasn't honest that's a possiblity i don't think you should give him chances he doesn't deserve them you deserve another boy who's going to treat you with respect who won't lie or hide things from you that's not what two people in a relationship are suppose to do their suppose to be truthful & honest with one another i think your best option is to dump him so you'll be happier and won't have to deal with the problems he's caused you'll be free he's not worth your time it's his own fault he chose to create that group & wasn't honest with you like he should of been from the start when you confronted him nobody's fault but his own he brought it upon himself you did nothing wrong(: [ sunshine1232's advice column | Ask sunshine1232 A Question ]
xKate answered Wednesday September 8 2010, 6:57 pm: Honestly, it doesn't seem like you can trust this guy. If he's keeping stuff like this from you, then who knows what else is going on that you don't know about? If he didn't think it was wrong, he wouldn't hide it from you. He's your boyfriend. He should be comfortable with telling you things, and shouldnt hide things from you. You have every right to feel betrayed. What he's doing is wrong. You don't deserve to feel like this. The best thing to do would be talk to him one last time about it, and if he still won't fess up about whats going on, then you should just leave him. It's not worth the stress. Best of luck! :) <3 [ xKate's advice column | Ask xKate A Question ]
easilyfixed answered Wednesday September 8 2010, 6:23 pm: I think you really need to get out. He sounds like a prick to me, and keeping things from your girlfriend is no brownie points. Why would he make a whole separate facebook group about you guys? He's up to no good, and if it's about you, he has no right to have it.
trueadvice3 answered Wednesday September 8 2010, 4:48 pm: hi, It is obvious he is not taking your relationship seriously... he is not a person to be trusted and if you feel that he has been hiding anything from you, then you have been doing the right thing which is to confront him about it. He has not manned up about the whole thing and so, this proves he is not worth-it at all.
Hiding things in a relationship is never a good sign... make sure you know this... move on to someone else you deserves your respect and trust. someone more caring and trustworthy. be the happiest you can be.
if you need anything else I am here,
BEST of luck!
Rebeledge answered Wednesday September 8 2010, 4:30 pm: This isn't an issue you should skirt around, tell him flat out that the things in your relationship are between the two of you, and you don't want the rest of the world to know about it. It's nobody's business but yours and his what goes on. I don't think its a cause to break up, I just don't think he knows what it means to you to keep the things that are between the two of you, and only the two of you. Tell him how you feel. [ Rebeledge's advice column | Ask Rebeledge A Question ]
Sami143 answered Wednesday September 8 2010, 3:09 pm: Talk to him openly and honestly. Be like i saw you had a facebook about our relationship and im not comfortable with what you put on it. Why didnt you tell me when i told you i knew you had a secret?
Maybe when you brought this up to him he didnt know what you were talking about.
If he is not honest with you after this and doesnt tell you whats going on explain to him that you cant trust him anymore and that you dont think you two can be together anymore!
hope i helped(:
if you have any other questions feel free to message me again! [ Sami143's advice column | Ask Sami143 A Question ]
Carolena answered Wednesday September 8 2010, 3:09 pm: It's one thing for him to have a secret group page on facebook. After all BF's don't have to share every aspect of their lives. It's quite another for him to be sharing private information about your relationship to a group of people without you knowing or consenting. By private information I assume you mean something more intimate than what you ate together.
The issue here is that he shared it. Lied about it and tried to hide it. At any point he could of deleted the group instead of making it private.
Physical evidence is only important for a third party verdict. You already know what you saw. What else do you need? He knows what he did, he can deny it but it doesn't change the facts.
Be straight forward. "Look I saw the group. I don't like you sharing private information about our relationship. Please take it down" If he denies it or refuses to take it down you have a decision to make. Can you enjoy this relationship knowing that anything you may do or say is being shared for the entertainment of others? Knowing that his relationship with the people on facebook takes priority to you and your comfort?
bliz answered Wednesday September 8 2010, 2:15 pm: Putting your relationship online for the whole world to read us not a very loving thing to do. If he's feeling now like he did something wrong and regrets it, there's hope for your relationship. But if he sees nothing improper about his posting, the the two of you have very different sets of values and I don't see how you can build a life together like this. [ bliz's advice column | Ask bliz A Question ]
iwantthetruth answered Wednesday September 8 2010, 1:04 pm: Hello.
This is very strange. I'm sorry he did this to you. I honestly feel that there is no logical explanation for his behavior. If he wanted to post things about your relationship, then why would he make it private from you? And it doesn't seem like he's apologized or even tried to explain his reasoning with you. I do not think you should stay with him because although some might say that this isn't a "huge deal," it's still a mean thing to do and he should know the difference between right and wrong. Sweetheart, please break up with him. He is not worth all your trouble. It may not seem like it, but nice guys are a dime a dozen.
LadyDesi112 answered Wednesday September 8 2010, 12:58 am: Hey,
(This is a tad bit long)....Sounds to me like your boyfriend is completely in the wrong in this situation, for a couple of reasons: He didn't consult with you before he made this private page, he has you alls private relationship info exposed, and he denies it! This tells me that he's being really inconsiderate of your feelings, and because he continues to lie about it, he shows a lack of respect to you and you alls relationship. You shouldn't continue to be in this relationship at this cost, it's unhealthy for you. Give your boyfriend one more opportunity to be honest with you. If he does, or even if he doesn't confess, tell him you've known all along, and that you've seen the page for yourself. A relationship without trust and respect isn't one you want to be in for the long run girly :-( Stress to your boyfriend how much you don't appreciate his actions and tell him if you're going to have to worry about things like this then maybe you guys shouldn't be together. If he really cares, he'll hear you out, apologize, delete/edit the page, and make other changes. If not, he probably doesn't have your best interest at heart, mooooove on chicka!
Hope I helped =) [ LadyDesi112's advice column | Ask LadyDesi112 A Question ]
ericaisepicx answered Wednesday September 8 2010, 12:51 am: First off, he may have wrote those things about your relationship to kind of vent about it. He might've not even known that it would be public for anyone to see. When you asked him about secrets, he may have realized that anyone could've seen the page and thought it was bad that the rest of the facebook world could read about it too. Not likely, but it's possible.
Besides that, any boy who's going to keep secrets and hide things from you is not worth any girls time. If you're crying about it and it's really hurting you that badly, try once more to work it out with him. Talk to him about it one last time, ask him all of these questions you're asking me. Ask why he hid it, and why he's denying it (especially since you know he's lying) If he continues to try and lie his way through it, give him the boot ASAP. Don't stick around, because relationships are about trust; lying and hiding things are the exact opposite.
ConfusedX2 answered Wednesday September 8 2010, 12:48 am: It sounds like he obviously knew it was wrong. I don't know what was on it exactly, but how do you think he benefitted by putting that on facebook? Did it make him look cool in front of his friends or something?
Sounds to me like he is just immature. I would confront him if you are sure it was him that made it and not just one of his dumb friends. You don't need proof if you saw it and know for sure. If you confront him to his face, and specifically say you saw the group and it hurt your feelings etc. and he still denies it, then you need to reconsider your relationship. If he lies about something like that, what other bigger things could he be lying about? it's really not worth wasting your time with someone like that [ ConfusedX2's advice column | Ask ConfusedX2 A Question ]
SWEETXLOVE answered Wednesday September 8 2010, 12:39 am: I'm sorry you're going through this. Tell him you know about the facebook page, and see if he confesses then. If he still lies about having it, then you might want to re-think about dating this guy because obviously he is not telling the truth and would be lying right to your face. Give him a chance to confess when you bring it up and if he lies, in my eyes ..you two would be done!! You'd deserve better then that. I hope this helped you come to a conclusion, if you need any other help don't be shy! [ SWEETXLOVE's advice column | Ask SWEETXLOVE A Question ]
solidadvice4teens answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 11:12 pm: I will be blunt this guy sounds like a real asshole. Who creates a Facebook group, sets it to private and discusses details about you or intimate details on your relationship with others?
Then he has the nerve to deny it and deny you access to it. A normal person doesn't do that kind of shit to someone they are dating and let other people see this.
What to do? There is a process with Facebook where you can have it removed for harassment or slander etc. But, it's easier to tell your parents what he is doing and embarrassing you with and have them confront his parents or go through your school telling them students or a student in particular created the group about you.
You should be pissed off at him. You NEED to tell him that you know what he's done aren't happy about it and that personal details about your life aren't for the world to see on Facebook. Then, as much as you may have liked him find someone else.
You have no idea if these people are mocking you behind your back or how broad a range this has but maybe he's a sick type that gets off on supposedly dating someone while doing this online for laughs with friends for their/his amusement/benefit.
You just don't know but you do know enough from your trusted friend that he's been saying a bunch of inappropriate shit about you online.
Next, I would use your network of friends and be brutal but truthful about the kind of person he is, what he did etc and make it difficult for him to find a girlfriend in the future. Don't do it as a vengeful thing or for revenge but as a watch out for this jerk kind of thing.
nikitathecheetah answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 11:03 pm: hey well i am sorry about your boyfriend. I think you need to make clear with him that he shouldn't be posting things on facebook that other people need to know, and hiding it from you. Tell him how you feel and if he continues to do this then you need to break it off with him, because he can't be trusted. I hope i helped. Nikita <3 [ nikitathecheetah's advice column | Ask nikitathecheetah A Question ]
dntletitgo2urhead answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 10:19 pm: Well, you know that him being dishonest to you is wrong. And it's hard to be in a relationship with someone you don't trust, so I think you already know the answer to your question. He hid it because he knew it was wrong. It's definitely not fair of him to make this group about you on facebook. It's really rude and completely shady that he would keep it available for his friends to see but hidden from you. I think that you should confront him about it again. Tell him that you know that he had the group about you, because you could see it before he made it private. (don't even mention that your friend showed it to you.) And see what he says. If he still denies it, tell him that you know he's lying and that you're upset that he's hiding it from you. Tell him that it also upset you that he's posting personal stuff about your relationship for everyone to see, and that it's really unfair that he doesn't even admit it to you that it exists, on top of that. If he still denies it, then you need to give him an ultimatum - he needs to tell you the truth, or a breakup is in his near future.
Best of luck! [ dntletitgo2urhead's advice column | Ask dntletitgo2urhead A Question ]
jm93 answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 9:26 pm: First things first: A relationship is based on communication and trust. He's doing neither; so right there, that's not good. What kind of personal things? If he says anything about your intimate moments or things you told him in confidence, or pretty much anything that makes you feel uncomfortable, that's a red flag that he cannot be trusted at all. When you confronted him, you said that he said he did not have any secrets, will, you even said yourself that when you went back to go check, it was all hidden. He obviously knows that you know and saw it. Let me tell you, a guys first reaction is to deny, deny, deny! Don't ask why...believe me, no one knows why. You're asking "if he didn't think this was wrong why did he hide it when I found out", to tell you the truth, he knows it's wrong. He knows very well what he's doing. If he didn't think it was wrong, he wouldn't have hid it from you. Why did he make this group in the first place? That's something I cannot answer because to me that is a very rude thing to do. A relationship is very personal and should only be shared between the two people in the relationship. How old are you both? If he's around the 13-18 area, I can tell you that men are just VERY immature at that age. They do the most stupid and idiotic things. However, that does NOT excuse him from doing this. You say you have no "proof". Yes you do! You yourself is proof enough. You saw it. Your bff saw it. Good enough. There's no need to show this boy proof of what you saw with your own eyes! Tell him how it made you feel and tell him it hurt you that he didn't come clean. Ask him why he created this group about your relationship. If he does start to deny it, you do what you feel is right. I cannot tell you whether or not to stay with him because that's solely your decision and yours only. If he comes clean, you, as his girlfriend, have every right to tell him to take it down because it makes you uncomfortable. If he refuses, again, it's all up to you. Your mature enough to have a boyfriend, your mature enough to make decisions about him. I understand why you're upset, I would be too. What he's doing is 100% wrong. No need to cry because in the end everything will work out, if not then "it's not the end." (:
Shaunee answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 9:21 pm: thanks for inboxing
you should tell him you know and if any of you friends are in the group get the proof from them and this isnt what you want to hear but he isnt a good boyfriend if hes hiding stuff from you
thanks your my first inbox ever and wish you luck :] [ Shaunee's advice column | Ask Shaunee A Question ]
iloveyoubabyy004 answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 8:43 pm: lol its okay i have all the time in the world to take time and help someone out =] ! okk soo i guess what your trying to say is that your boyfriend made a facebook and yu guys had the relationship status thing and he hid it from yu?
i think that you should b with him maybe he isnt hiding anything and your jus conrtidicting yourself you have yu have to have trust with one another in order to make a relationship work and you cant jus assum things dont jump to conclusions jus keep asking him questions and i think that you should tell him how you feel about the situtation because if you break up with him what u r going to say im breaking up with you because i dont trust you? that doesnt sound right i think that you need to go deeper into the situatiuon first before you break up i dont think that he's doing anything wrong bt then again he could be ok so there are a couple ways to no if your boyfriends hiding something from you
1. lack of communictaion
2. avoideseye contact
3. is being really generious
4. change in behavior...
i hope i helped and i really hope everything i goes good for yu [ iloveyoubabyy004's advice column | Ask iloveyoubabyy004 A Question ]
snowboardbabe answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 8:34 pm: Aw , my advice to you is get out of there now , he is obviously not worth your time , if he does that to you , do you honestly want a guy that will do that to you and keep you from things? That's not a healthy relationship , forget him and everything , don't even worry about it. Forget facebook and do not let it bother you girl , go see other guys , he is not worth your tears :) [ snowboardbabe's advice column | Ask snowboardbabe A Question ]
Hitoast answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 8:18 pm: Woah woah woah...he made a facebook GROUP about your relationship?? And he's hiding it from you? That is really just plain weird. But getting past the weirdness, I am going to tell you something that will come in handy in all of your personal relationships from here on out: keep it PERSONAL. If you want a relationship to work out without unnecessary interferal from other people, keep it between the 2 of you. Of course, he has obviously broken this rule which shows that he isn't mature enough to be in a relationship. He not only broke that rule by posting personal relationship issues online, he lied to you about it. He is completely in the wrong here hun, you can't just let him get away with it. If he won't talk to you about it, then maybe you should consider how stable your relationship actually is? The building blocks of a relationship are trust, honesty, and communication, and he's already messed those up. Talk to him again but if he won't listen, i'd recommend you find a guy who will respect you enough to not go behind your back. Goodluck! [ Hitoast's advice column | Ask Hitoast A Question ]
es answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 7:59 pm: If he's immature enough to make a group and let the whole world know about your relationship( i dont know what kind of things he posted, but if they're about your personal life he should know better) , then he's too immature to have you as a girlfriend.
If he thought it was normal, he would have mentioned it, not kept it hidden. He knows what he's doing is wrong, and he think he'll get away with it because you wont find out...but you did.
Now it's up to you, whether or not you'll do something to stop him or just let it keep going.
You need to confront him, don't play games, just tell him straight up that you're not comfortable with it. Then ask a friend to check if it's still there or if he's done anything after you've told him.
I'm not trying to sound like a bitch, or trying to "baby" you, I'm telling you like it is cause you need to hear it.
I hope everything works out for you, good luck.
And remember, if someone hurts you this way to the point where you cry, that person isn't worth your time. [ es's advice column | Ask es A Question ]
pinkcherries answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 7:26 pm: oh my goodness. i feel for you. i do. if i were you this is what i should do. it might be hard, but its better then not being with him ever again. . . i would sit him down, make sure he has al of your attention, and calmly ask him about facebook and that you don't like hiding secrets. it might not be bad, he could be asking people advice on faceobok or something like that. i wouldn't automaticly jumped to the conclusion that its bad. however it might be, i would talk to him. . . tell him that you want to be in an open honest relationship and that lieing its going to cut it. tell him that you arent going to put up with lies and that you need him to come out and tell you what hes saying. you dont want to seem controling, yet you dont want to let him walk all over you.
i hope this helps.
keep me updated, i want to know how he reacted.
i hope everything works out for you two.
Melody answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 7:24 pm: Ask him about it. Tell him you found the facebook page and it concerns you. Here him out. If he acts weird or you still feel something isn't right, then end it. Without trust there is no point in having a relationship. [ Melody's advice column | Ask Melody A Question ]
cheryl_diamond answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 7:19 pm: Well.. for starters he sounds like a real jerk. I'm not saying that in a relationship you have to be 100% honest, but a good 90-95% is expected. Because in order to make this work, your going to have to have trust. Which can't be earned when your boyfriend has, yes, a secret life on facebook.
Private or personal things that go one between you, physically or just in conversation should be kept private. It's something special and can only be special if you keep it personal. So as far as this guy is conserned.. you have 2 options.
OPTION #1: Stick with the.. sorry I gotta say it.. Loser: He will eat away at you, and kill your spirit if he keeps this up. No matter how much you can convince yourself that you don't care about this little group.. or how much he tries to convince you it's no big deal. As long as it's there.. then it will kill you. But if he deletes it.. and you wanna see if you can earn his trust back.. then do it. It's your life, it's your choice. Be prepared though... he isn't trustworthy right now.
OPTION #2: You BEST option in my opinion: MOVE ON
A boyfriend who stars a secret club.. about you and your relationship is a bad boyfriend. Eliminate the headache that this will cause and know that he wasn't who you thought he was. Establish that you forgive him.. and that is as far as it goes. Don't feel bad.. it's his fault. He wasn't honest with you, he hurt you. You are better then that, don't take that kind of crap from ANY guy. GOODLUCK because any breakup is hard, but don't worry sooner or later Mr. Right shows up.
laynemayhem answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 7:11 pm: boys get confused when women say "i know something you're keeping from me" because that could mean a number of things. they don't want to admit to anything, because there is a chance that they'll admit to the wrong thing.
you need to go back to him and be more specific. tell him someone told you that he made a facebook group about personal stuff between the two of you. tell him you don't like it and it would be appreciated if he obliged to your wish and deleted it. give him a chance to be honest before you go making rash decisions.
GhoulOnParade answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 7:01 pm: Thanks for the question. :)
Seems like you're in quite a situation...
I honestly believe that one of the most important parts of a relationship is TRUST. If you two can't trust each other, than it won't work out.
If you for some reason don't feel that he's being honest....you need to trust YOURSELF. I mean, who wants to go through a relationship worrying about if the other one is hiding things from them? It's not very fun.
Tell him how you feel. Tell him you don't feel like he's being honest, and see what he says. If he just blows you off and acts like it's nothing, then maybe you SHOULD think about just breaking up.
Teza answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 7:01 pm: I can't tell you if you should or shouldn't stay with your boyfriend. I don't know anything about your relationship. How old are you guys, and how long have you been together?
Anyways, anyone that makes a "secret" page and writes personal things is just being rude.. Honestly, if my boyfriend did that to me, I would not put up with it.
What kind of things is he writing? If you feel hurt and betrayed by this, let him know about it. If you know the truth, why do you continue to put up with him and allow him to lie to your face?
Of course he won't come clean about it and he will keep denying it. Talk with him in person and explain to him how it makes you feel. Ask him what his reasons are for writing those things. My guess is, he wants to seem "cool" or show off to people.
SomeoneSpecial answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 6:46 pm: This is a definite red flag. You need to break up with this boy this instant. He clearly knows that what he is doing is wrong, therefore he hid it from you. If he thought his actions were right, he would have told you about it. He is lying and being deceitful and that is not okay. Especially if he is making you cry. I know that if you are with him and have been for a while, you might love him or have very strong feelings for him but what he is doing is not good at all. You need to tell him that you know what he has been up to, that you read it, that you know he has made this now private and that you have been crying over his crude acts. Make him feel like the scum he is! Good luck, hun. If you need anything, anything at all, you know where to reach me (: [ SomeoneSpecial's advice column | Ask SomeoneSpecial A Question ]
Kendra_Berri answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 5:37 pm: Wow... your boyfriend is a massive asshole. You can't stay with a person who does this sort of thing. It's so beyond not acceptable, I don't even know where to begin. You definitely want the group to be shut down.
Here is how it's done:
"Our system automatically deletes groups once they're empty (no members). If you created the group, you can delete the group by removing all members and then yourself. Note that if you were not the first admin and creator of this group, you will not be able to delete the group unless the group creator has left it voluntarily."
So the question is how to get your boyfriend to do this. You have a few options. One is to ask him to do it. If you dump him first, this may prove difficult. Are you in high school? If so, I would take this route:
zimcherry answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 5:33 pm: hi
well what happens between you guys should be private. it should something that is obvious to him because i'm sure you let your guard down when you are with him. i'm sure you tell him stuff that no one knows about it. by the looks of it i gather you are very pretty for him to even have the group or people who are willing to listen to what he says.
the fact that he did hide it and puts out things about you is wrong. it is wrong!! stop crying , this are one of the things thats should not make you bitter or sad, rise above it girl!
when it comes to the choice of leaving him, confront him first. i know his been an idiot so far but, there must be a reason you are with him . so confront him, tell him how you feel about it. tell him , how hurt you are about what his putting on facebook. facebook really is not a secure source, your parents or relatives could even find out all the stuff. so confront him , if he says it does not matter or if he down plays your emotions. go, leave him. his not worth your time or your love.
its also important because , this how future guys will treat you if you let him , go on his merry way. i hope it helps, tell me how it goes. fingers crossed. [ zimcherry's advice column | Ask zimcherry A Question ]
ttaayylloorr answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 5:28 pm: Ok well first off, you obviously care about this person so do not go off and do anything hasty like break up with him. If he was hiding important things then that would be different but as for this situation, do not beat around the bush. Sit him down and make it clear to him that you know exactly what WAS on there, and that he made it private. Ask him why he insisted on hiding it from you, and if you do not feel comfortable with him posting things on the internet about you both then make sure he knows that. Talk to him about it and see how he reacts. I can not really give you anymore advice until you find out how he reacts to you feeling uncomfortable. Just sit him down and talk to him about it. Hopefully things will go well for the two of you. (:
TheAnnie answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 5:27 pm: Well, I think there are two people especially at fault here. One is your best friend and your boyfriend. The sad thing is that those two people should be the closest to you and the ones you could trust. So I understand how much this must hurt.
Clearly, he is not going to admit what he has done on his own. So let's try a different approach. Is it possible for you to bring this up with your bff? I mean, there are two people involved so it only makes sense that you try to confront both of the people involved. Tell her you know about it and her/him why your boy friend is posting such things about you guys. Also ask your best friend why s/he has not come to you to about it. It'll help if you can get the reason behind such behaviour.
Now, I'm not sure what kind of things he was posting. Maybe he was seeking advice (I'm taking a shot in the dark here) and your bff was helping him through some problems you two might have had? Think it through and react accordingly, but get the facts first be it from your bff or bf.
Now, I'll finally get to the question you asked. I don't feel it's right that he should do something like this behind your back as well. But, I think you need to stop crying and take charge. If you do find out that there is no reason behind his actions then confront him. Tell him you know what he's up to and ask him why. Tell him it hurt you to see that facebook group. It seems like he has no idea how much it hurt you and maybe he needs to be brought aware of your feelings.
If he still refuses to doing this and you are positive of his actions perhaps it is best that you end the relationship. I don't want to overreact, but if he can make a facebook group about you guys' relationship behind your back and share your secrets on facebook, maybe he also does it in real life? It's hard to tell. I know it'll hurt, but try to think of the pros and cons of staying with him or leaving him. Which causes you more pain? You don't deserve to be this sad.
soccerrocks answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 4:12 pm: This answer is probably going to be long...I have a lot to say!I'm going to apologize for that before I even answer the question.
First off he shouldn't be creating a group on facebook about your relationship. What happens between you guys should only be your business. IF he tells anyone it should only be a close friend, definitely not everyone. Facebook is so public that nothing even kinda personal should be posted on it. He wouldn't want you going around telling everyone he knows his deepest secrets. You don't have anything to hide, but it takes away the special intimate feeling that you get when you are with someone. Of course there are some things people can know, but not everything, because then there is nothing left to be special for you guys.
Relationships are about trust. Even if he did make the group wouldn't you rather know about it?He probably is scared to tell you, because he is afraid what your reaction will be, but he should still admit to it. It was a good idea to give him the chance to tell you. That was fair of you. You didn't get mad, instead you gave him the opportunity to be honest. What he did with that opportunity was his choice. Now you have every right to be upset. He did keep something from you and that wasn't right of him at all. He should have told you the truth as soon as you brought it up. I'm not saying break up with him though. Everyone deserves second chances. If you feel like you can forgive him and move on with your relationship then don't break up with him. If you feel like this is something you can't get over then you need to end it. Before you decide to end it or to move on talk about it with him. Just tell him you know he made the group and your upset about it. Maybe ask him why he made the group or why he didn't tell you about it. Try working things out before you make your decision. It's the only way you will know for sure why he hid it from you, why he made it, and if you wanna be with him or not.
DearAbby92 answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 3:37 pm: Drama in relationships shouldn't be tolerated, especially if its over facebook. It seems like your boyfriend is being very immature about this and lying is a huge red flag. Talk about with him and tell him you know what he did and tell him why it bothers you. See if he apologizes and agrees not to do anything like that again, and see if he's sincere. If he sees that youre hurt and is still immature about this, it may be time to let him go.
momo483 answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 3:32 pm: I think your best option is to come flat out and say what's bothering you. Guys don't understand the subtle hints and and need you to be blunt and just tell what it is you're trying to say. If he still doesn't fess up then I wouldn't stay with him if he's not going to be honest.. honesty is one of the most important things in a relationship. [ momo483's advice column | Ask momo483 A Question ]
Kolleigh19 answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 2:10 pm: Well first, if you are in a steady relationship, i dont think he should be hiding things from yu. I think you should give him one more opportunity to tell you or explain to you what is going on. If you are crying then obviously this is panful for you and you shouldnt go through this pain for a guy. If you really know that he is doing something behind your back, then i dont think you have much of a reason to be with hm. I mean, i know you pobably like hima lot and maybe even love him, but if your relationship is built on lies, i dont think thats very healthy. You might want to rethink being with him.
dearcandore answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 1:39 pm: Instead of playing games with your bf the way he is playing games with you, just be straight up with him. He violated your trust and privacy by posting things about your relationship. How embarrassing! And then he made it worse by hiding it. I'm not saying he's a horrible person, but at the least he is super insensitive. You need to come out and ask him about this. Tell him you found out about the FB group and read some posts and you were really hurt that he would share that stuff. Ask him why he did it. And make sure he knows you feel those things are private and it was wrong for him to hide it from you. You'll have to decide for yourself based on how he answers if you want to continue to be with him. But trust is the biggest part of a good relationship, and if there is no trust, there can be little happiness. Keep that in mind as you dig deeper into what is really happening. He was definitely in the wrong! Good luck. [ dearcandore's advice column | Ask dearcandore A Question ]
kristamikele answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 12:28 pm: It sounds like he is making your relationship into a public joke/soap opera. Even worse, he hid it from you. I'm not exactly sure how that whole thing works because I thought if you were his friend you could see anything on his facebook, but I'll take your word for it.
It could be that he didn't realize how bad it was, and now he's rereading it through your eyes. Give it a little time to see what happens. By a little time, I mean til the end of the day.
Also, you don't need to play coy when it comes to something as important as your private life. The next time you bring it up, don't bother to ask him if there's anything he needs to tell you, or play any of those games. Just come right out and say that your life and your relationship is PRIVATE, and how the hell would he like it if you were to make a few little details of his life the butt of a few jokes. Mention, also, that of course you would never do that because you have class.
Chances are, he will realize that he is making a mistake. He probably doesn't really get it; boys don't think anything like girls do, so it's likely he thinks it is just an innocent joke. If he doesn't take you seriously, let him know you think it's a damn shame that he's so boring that he can't find anything else to talk about besides you.
Also, don't EVER confront your man until you have gathered all the facts. You should have copied that whole page before you confronted him about it so he wouldn't have the chance to fib. [ kristamikele's advice column | Ask kristamikele A Question ]
NinjaNeer answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 12:24 pm: If you told him that you didn't appreciate the group, and he totally disregarded that, you should be leaving him.
It's your name; if you don't want it on Facebook, that's your decision to make. For him to be posting personal details about your relationship without your permission is incredibly rude.
Now, if he had apologized and removed the group immediately, I would say there's no issue. But he actually had the stones to block you from viewing it?! Honestly, to me that shows a great deal of disrespect towards you. That's disrespect you shouldn't have to deal with.
Disrespect on Facebook isn't a huge deal. When it is a huge deal is later on in your relationship; when he incurs debt that he doesn't tell you about, or when he spends money behind your back. Trust is really important in a relationship, and when one partner doesn't respect the other, they're more likely to do untrustworthy things.
inevitable_pain16 answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 12:16 pm: I'm sorry sweetie but I'm going to tell you right now that that is so not a good idea to stay with someone that is treating you that. That is completely wrong. You deserve better than him. He is doing this because he feels he has control over the relationship and he feels all powerful when he dogs you like he is doing and you should put a stop to it right away. Report it if you can but also you don't need to be with someone that is treating you with no respect and keeps lying to you about immature stuff. Just keep your head high and shrug it off your shoulders show him that you have control and that's not cool with you. Oh, and to everybody who has seen that site and says something to you just show them it doesn't bother you. It will be all good. Stay strong and GOOD LUCK!!! [ inevitable_pain16's advice column | Ask inevitable_pain16 A Question ]
karenR answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 12:11 pm: can you look him up on facebook and send him a friend request? Just tell him you thought you would put his name in and found it. If anything it will get it out in the open he has one. If he doesn't friend you, then you know he is up to no good.
If he can't be honest with you about this, you'll never trust him. You wouldn't be wrong not to either. If it doesn't get resolved you may have to end it. Thats up to you of course, but If it were me, I think I would. Trust is a very important part of any relationship. If you don't have it, it will never work out in the long run.
familyfirst answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 12:09 pm: This was not too long... the more history I have the easier it is to give an appropriate answer :)
Unless he is willing to come clean and discuss what it is that he is hiding and why he is hiding it then you clearly cannot trust him. Without trust in a relationship there is no reason to save it. Relationships are to be built on trust and communication and without either one- there is nothing.
As far as the proof... you have seen the page. that is proof enough. Just because you cannot access it does not mean it doesn't exist. If you walked in on him making out with another girl but forgot to bring your camera to get a picture for proof... he still made out with her whether there is proof or not. He created that page. "You dont have proof" is a very weak arguement.
You mentioned "if he didn't think it was wrong, why did he hide it when I found out?". He must HAVE thought it was wrong which is why he denied it to begin with.
You should be able to trust him not to spread around information regarding your relationship if you do not want the information shared. He should respect you enough to keep your personal info private. People make mistakes. If he had posted information that you did not want shared but he did not realize it then it should have been as simple as "sweetie, I feel that info is private and would appreciate you removing it from FB" and his response should have been "Im sorry. I didn't realize it bothered you. I will remove it immediately".
You felt you had to try to trick him into admitting his secret page. This does not suggest a long history of trust in your relationship. And then to find out that once he found out you knew about the page he made it unaccessable to you? There is just one thing after another that tells me the two of you either need to have a serious discussion regarding the lack of trust and lack of open communication happening in your relationship. If he is unwilling or you don't feel that you are able to make improvements... then this relationship is only going to bring you misery.
I would never want to tell you what to do with your personal relationship. I just want to suggest this... Are you happy with him? Are you ok with him having this secret page and then hiding it after you found out? Are you ok with him being dishonest about even knowing what you were talking about? If you are ok with this then you should probably figure a way that you can accept his flaws. If this makes you unhappy then you should probably do something about it; make him understand how you feel and that you will not tolerate this, or else find someone who is more deserving of your attention and affection.
No one should settle in a relationship. There is someone out there who can be perfect for you (note I said perfect for YOU... not a perfect person)- if you know what it is you want. If you want someone to confide in, share your jokes, go on adventures, take care of you when youre sick, someone you can be truely happy with- you can find him. But dont settle on someone you dont trust and who sneaks around just because you have been with hiim for a while and it is comfortable. Comfortable does not necessarily equal good.
orangebutterfly answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 11:30 am: what are kind of stuff that he putting on there? Frist you want to Make up your own facebook Name and everything and try join and make sure he not putting any Pictures (bad) of you or he is sexing or putting things on there about what you two do. then tell him that he not be trusted and that souldn't put you guys personal private life from you. but remeber what you don't God will know and deal with him.
Have a talk with him and let him know that lieing get you in trouble and that you can't be in a Relationship if he can't be honest and putting your private stuff on FB.
I hope I help and sorry I didn't help much.
Butterfly [ orangebutterfly's advice column | Ask orangebutterfly A Question ]
K3587 answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 11:16 am: Facebook has become the bane of many relationships. Many unscrupulous men (and women) use it to persue possible one night stands while already being in a relationship. When one catches the other flirting with people, they spin it as "it's over the internet, it's not real." The fact that your boyfriend made a public facebook group, then blocked you from it, means he is an idiot. There is no such thing as privacy on facebook.
I won't go as far to say you need to find out his password and look at the stuff yourself. Chances are, you already know what you're gonna find, or at least that you will not like it. Even if what he is hiding is innocent, the fact that he is hiding it from you means he is not honest with you, which will build into much larger problems later.
holahayley56 answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 11:15 am: Hey, well.. what kind of things are on this facebook group? is it sexual things you've done? or just secrets you've shared?
Sometimes the sex stuff they don't realize its even a big deal. I mean maybe instead of like playing games with him, just tell him that you know about the facebook thing and whatever else he is hiding, & just come out and say it. If i was in this situation, I would be mad too but I'm not sure if I would break up with him. I think you should just try talking to him, and just telling him how you feel about everything, and see what he says. If he doesn't come clean or doesn't apologize, then I think you should consider ending the relationship.
Shelly_x answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 11:03 am: Hi, I can understand why you are annoyed and feel betrayed. He shouldnt be posting private information between you and him on facebook. I would sit him down and tell him that you are upset because he lied to you when you confronted him and also because he posted things about your relationship online. I would give him a chance and ask him not to post other things on facebook, if he doesnt listen and if you feel that you cant trust him then I think it maybe best to leave him because if there is no trust then the relationship will more than likely not last.
I hope you can both sort things out but I would give him another chance and ask him to be honest
Hope this helps
x [ Shelly_x's advice column | Ask Shelly_x A Question ]
killerface answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 10:54 am: First things first, you need proof. I know that you're not crazy and YOU know you're not crazy, but you're not going to be able to corner the boy if you don't have proof. Is there anyone you know and trust that is 'friends' or whatever with this group on facebook? Ask them to try to log on the page to see anything. If they can see what he's posting, hit the "Print Screen" button on your keyboard, located at the top, directly to the right of the keys that say F1-F12. Then open Paint and click "Paste" then the screen should pop up. Print out that page- there's your proof.
Nextly, think through want you want to say to him. Practice it in your head. Be calm, be clear, and be direct. Keep that print out near you, guard it like a newborn. Everytime he does something cute or nice, remember that he also put your business on the internet- Facebook,no less.
Take your proof to him. Tell him what you know- there's a group, he started it, and you want it deleted. It's a gigantic invasion of privacy and could get you in trouble in the future. What if you applied for a job somewhere in the future and your potential boss looked you up? He wants to know that you're responsible and good for the job, not how well you give oral sex. See what I mean?
If your boyfriend doesn't delete the group, contact Facebook admin. They're there for a reason.
Then,if it were me, I'd cut my losses and leave. You can't trust him. He's hiding the page because he knows its wrong,but it makes him feel good,all the same.
ashcraftmegan answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 9:53 am: First of all, don't play games with him and hint. Just come right out and say how you feel, everything should be open in a relationship. If he keeps denying, you don't need to prove him anything, especially if he is hiding it. Leave him! Buttttt then again if it's private from you, ask if it is private from everyone else and if so, it's like a personal journal and if that's okay, you can work it out. I hope I helped, dollface. [ ashcraftmegan's advice column | Ask ashcraftmegan A Question ]
bigunored1 answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 9:46 am: First of all trust is a big issue and I'm sorry you are going through this .it sounds like to me he doesn't. Resect you to be putting things about your relationship on facebook .to me facebook is designed to let the whole world know about you persanal life and what goes on behinde closed doors .its something I don't use becase its nothing but trouble kinda like the jerry springer show. But let's get back to your problem .I would deffanatly confront him you have a right to know what he put on facebook and if he refuses it or denyes it then leave him .if he dosent respect you then he surly doesn't love you and I would ask other people that you trust if they have seen anything about you on facebook .I know its driving you crazzy but what he did was wrong .you see a relationship is built on trust .if you don't trust him you don't have a relationship not a healthy one anyways .and if he's hideing things from you then he can't be trusted .my sugestion is let him go you don't need that kinda drama you deserve better [ bigunored1's advice column | Ask bigunored1 A Question ]
LiSaxOBaBii answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 9:14 am: If I were you, I would feel violated. The relationship was supposed to consist of you and him. Not you, him and the rest of the world. I could understand writing in a journal about your relationship together, but a facebook group? Seriously? I would flee in a heartbeat! [ LiSaxOBaBii's advice column | Ask LiSaxOBaBii A Question ]
Ginguhh answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 8:54 am: To be honest, I would tell him that you saw the whole things he wrote and that it's personal.
You can tell him that it's your way or the highway (I know, lame but true).
Just tell him that you don't appreciate that and you gave him the chance to confess but he chose not to... so I would give him one more time to tell the truth and if he doesn't... get rid of him. Obviously he doesn't care whether he posts those things on the internet for everyone to read and he doesn't care how you feel about it.
GoldenxArcher answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 8:36 am: Not too long at all.
Not knowing you or your guy, I couldn't say for sure. There may be factors involved that I'm unaware of. From what you have told me though, it sounds like he originally thought it would be perfectly fine to do, but then when you started bringing up secrets he got scared and decided to hide rather than be up front about it.
The first thing you have to remember is that no-one is perfect, and what he's done isn't honestly that bad. Unless you have told him previously that what he has put on this group is private. What's more. Alot of guys like to boast about their current girlfriends, especially when it comes to sex. If he wasn't doing it in this group he'd be doing it somewhere less obvious.
Of course I'm NOT taking his side. I'm just making it clear that this isn't really something you should break up over, if you like him as much as you seem to. However if it does bother you this much, confront him about it! Tell him you found it before he made it private and that it bothers you. Hear his side of the story. Let him defend himself before you do anything drastic =]
If he denies the whole thing after being confronted directly (and you're SURE it was him who has made this group, etc) then THAT is something you should dump him over. Outright lies shouldn't be tolerated in a relationship, after all, he could be lying about other things aswell as clearly lying to you isn't a problem. (This is only the case if he denies after confrontation though...)
InSuL1nImP answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 8:23 am: Hey there I will give you the go-around of facebook. We all know its a social website that connects us to our friends, co-workers, etc... But to be honest its the #1 Drama and problem causer in the world. Once you post something on facebook within seconds or minutes your entire friends list and friends of friends etc... can see it. I have had facebook for years and have seen this numerous times and it is not cool. It gets people killed, people, hurt, breaks up relationships and friendships. In July I had over 2,000 friends on facebook because I am a local DJ and I spin at parties and clubs etc... Once I found my current girlfriend Drama started. I dont really know all the 2,000 people but I started deleting them, Same with my girlfriend on her friends list even though it was less then 200. My girlfriend has now deleted her account because her friends were getting in the way of us. The solution or what both of us did was we gave eachother our password so we could go on and do whatever to eachothers accounts and made our relationship more secure. I'm sick and tired personally of facebook and I am going to delete it within a few days because I dont want to break up with my girlfriend shes the love of my life and the girl I want to marry :$ now without rambling on more your options are breaking up with him, him giving your password, him deleting the group etc... personally I would break up with him because hes causing problems, doesnt listen to you and doesnt respect you. Hope I Helped [ InSuL1nImP's advice column | Ask InSuL1nImP A Question ]
adviceman49 answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 8:18 am: I am probably not the right person to ask this question of as it has been some 40 years since I have dated. I would suggest you ask this question of xosodapopx3. She is probably closer to your age, which is something you should include in your question, and very well qualified to answer your question. [ adviceman49's advice column | Ask adviceman49 A Question ]
theymos answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 7:34 am: "I told him I knew he had a secret he was keeping from me but not what it was" <- Don't do this. Clearly ask him things or you're likely to misunderstand each other. If you haven't actually asked him, "What's the deal with that Facebook thing?", do it now.
There are a number or legitimate reasons why he might have taken those actions. Possibly he wrote the stuff impulsively (it's the Internet, after all!), but then legitimately regretted writing it. You'll only know his true motives if you ask him.
Advicelady6798 answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 7:17 am: Well, a good detective can make a secret identity, he seems a like he would be an oblivious guy so make a new facebook with a different email even if it is using your parents or something. get a couple of friends to add you in the process, then add him again. You will be able to read everything again. He obviously isn't a faithful person for displaying his relationship like that, if you do do it, your suppose to just list the good. You don't want an honest guy, your right if it was a good guy, he would have come clean and told you everything from the start or at least wouldn't have denied it whne you asked about it. [ Advicelady6798's advice column | Ask Advicelady6798 A Question ]
WhiteDestiny09 answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 7:04 am: My guess is, if your BF made the group private, he is still putting up personal information that he doesn't want you to know he is putting up. What your BF is doing now will only get worse as you continue your relationship. If he told you he had no secrets, yet he is hiding a facebook group, isn't that still having a secret?
Whether or not you want to break up with him or give him another chance is up to you. Are any of your friends a part of the group that could print this stuff off? If so, get the proof, then take it to a counselor, Student Resource Officer (if you have one), or someone else who could talk to your boyfriend about violation of privacy. If you feel that you can't do that alone, take a friend, brother, sister, cousin, or someone else you feel comfortable discussing this with. Good luck to you, and I hope your boyfriend realizes what pain and embarrassment he has caused you. [ WhiteDestiny09's advice column | Ask WhiteDestiny09 A Question ]
bigdogdaddy answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 6:33 am: run and don't look back...he is not a man he is a boy...nothing more. It shows zero respect for you or your feelings and that alone is not acceptable. He will find someone new to betray and screw over...dont let it be you. by not being honest with you, confessing or even apologizing should be all the proof you need he is not worth your time or effort...move on. put it down to experience and move on..it will be ok, the sun will rise in the morning, hear me?
if he can do this, what is next? posting ur pics? you need to kiss him good bye and find somoene who is really worthy of your affections and attentuion; he is not the one...
quazzie answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 5:22 am: Wow. It always sucks when someone you hold close is lying to you. And to be honest, its just not on.
This is a hard one, because it sounds like he's not going to admit to you what he did, even though you know.
The only thing I can suggest is that you tell him everything. Talk it out. Tell him you've seen it, how it makes you feel, how you don't think its appropriate.If he has problems you both should be working them out together, not him posting them for the world to see. If he doesn't listen or just denies it more it's probably better to get rid of him. Its not fair that he makes a facebook group out of your intimate and private relationship. And you shouldn't have to deal with that. Period.
queenhearts answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 2:49 am: That sounds quite odd. He didn't admit to a thing because you had no evidence to back you up. The fact that it is now hidden just says it all. A facebook group is ridiculous and he shouldn't be writing about personal bits of your relationship. What did he write that was personal. Was it bad?
If he doesn't own up to it then that's an issue. He shouldn't announce on a public group (maybe?) About what goes on in your relationship without your consent. It makes matters worse that you pointed out a secret and now it's private.
Honesty is so important in a relationship.
If he can't open up to you and admit to what he did then you need to have a serious talk about the future with him.
TeddysBear18 answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 2:16 am: Not long at all hun! :) Ok so i know you are upset that you can no longer read the facebook page now and i would be too :) because believe me i am all for that crap im ALWAYS in my babys stuff haha,However If i find something i dont like it is usually not that big. Facebook is not a very private site as you must know all people have to do is Like him and they get notifications like everytime he posts something new. This is not something you want. You are kind of only left with one choice, Let him know that you know. Its not always bad telling somebody you know about their secret. You make it good or you make it bad. What i mean by this is, If you say " Hey you terrible boyfriend i know your secret and you lied i hate you!"...then you have just made it bad for him. If you are this angry with him by all means handle it that way. But usually when i have an argument with my boyfriend about anything all i want to do is make my point so that he sees it how i am seeing it and changes what he is doing wrong. So calmly bring it up and just be like " Ok sooo i know about the crap on facebook but before you say anything i just want to let you know that i truley am upset with you but right now i just need you to know that i love our relationship and things like that are not allowed because they can ruin it." Mention however you would like that you dont feel comfortable with your business out there like that and that all those posts need to come down. Another thing you could possibly do is tell him " you have 24 hours to make that page readable, if you need to delete some shit that you posted then do it NOW bcuz im comin in!" haha, i uaually tell my boyfriend that one...ill let him know if he knows i wont approve then dont do it! its more trouble to hide things then to reveal them. You ever think about how easy it is to hear a rumor, but to cover it up it takes so much energy! :) I wish you the best of luck with your boyfriend and hope that my messy help is understandable. Let me know if you need anything else and Take care sweety!
stephybabe answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 2:05 am: I personally hate when guys hide things. I believe thy are either insecure or liers. Usually they end being liers. My advice is to sit and talk to him again about it. What u could also to is make a fake fb and try adding him and see what happens. In all honesty I wouldnt put up with him for very long. You shouldn't be playing this game with him. He should just tell you striaght up I their is something wrong.
I don't know about you but I hate people knowing about my personal life. I think its none of their business and they don't need to know. He shouldn't be posting things about your relationship like that especially not on the internet. If there is a problem with your relationship it should be discussed between the two of you and resolved without envolving others.
Trauma answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 2:03 am: First off, I know how frustrating situations like this can be, and I'm sorry you're going through this. I'm not really sure if you've came right out and told him that you've seen the group and what was said or not, but if you haven't, that should be your first step. Let him know that you value your privacy and you don't think certain things are okay to be put online, especially without your permission. If you have told him, and he still denies it, then that could be a big problem. Relationships aren't good if there's no trust, and if he's not being honest with you, it'll be pretty much impossible to trust him (and you have every right not to). Sit him down and tell him you've already seen the group and the things he's written, so he needs to just be honest with you. If he still won't tell you the truth, it may be time to really think about whether or not you want to be with someone who's going to lie to you all the time. [ Trauma's advice column | Ask Trauma A Question ]
SandyDandy answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 1:34 am: Okay first of all, the longer and more in depth the better it helps me to figure out the problem and how to help!:) So Thank you!
I've had this happen to me many times but in different ways i figured out my boyfriend was doing stuff behind my back, and i tried that confrontation too, but if it doesn't work you have to tell him what is really up.He probably just lied because he has no idea you know! And he doesn't want to come out and say it because he will be giving himself away. But you don't need proof! And even so Your best friend and other people that have seen it can be your proof! It's not like he can deny it because he knows it's true.
You need to confront him about it and say i know you did this group about us. And i want to know what is going on there, if not i don't want to be with you. Honestly, he is not worth it, if he's hiding this from you.I would definitely ask him to show me what was on there and why he did it, and if he doesn't have an a good explanation dump him. Guys like him are not worth stressing over, trust me I've been there done that, life is so much better without them. But just to have closure you have at least TRY to have him show you what is going on. Your friends will always be there for you anyway so you don't need him!:)-Good luck hope everything works out for the better, i'm here for you ask me anything anytime! [ SandyDandy's advice column | Ask SandyDandy A Question ]
gr8fruit answered Tuesday September 7 2010, 1:07 am: Hey there,
No question is ever too long, no worries ;)
I believe your boyfriend knew what he was doing was wrong... and because he hid it from you when you found out, shows that he knew exactly what you were talking about. If he is denying it, I would definately call him out. Say "I saw some of what you put on Facebook, will you please tell me what is going on? Why are you hiding it from me?". If he has no explanation or just keeps denying the things he wrote... I would not stay with him. I am sorry he is treating you like this, but you do not deserve that from anyone.
Unless he fesses up, you gave him his one chance to tell you what he did. By him choosing not to do so, he shows he is unfaithful. You have been betrayed by him, he does have a secert life on Facebook, and I am sorry. You will find someone who can look you in the eye, say he is sorry, and move on with. You will find someone who will hold you tight, be honest with you, who will kiss you softly, and love you for who you are. Do not worry if it isn't tomorrow, the guy you are meant to be with is out there and you will find him. When he treats you respectfully, listens carefully, kisses you passionately, and holds you in his arms, never let him go ;) [ gr8fruit's advice column | Ask gr8fruit A Question ]
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