christina's advice column | Main Page

home view feedback ask questions add as friend advicenators

Website:

Gender:

Female

Location:

716

Occupation:

SAHM

Age:

27

Member Since:

February 1, 2006

Answers:

6717

Last Update:

August 9, 2018

Visitors:

288130

Favorite Columnists

Main Categories:

about

I'm Christina, and I'm 27. I tend to be brutally honest when I give advice or an opinion. I don't tell people what they want to hear but rather what they need to hear. They don't always appreciate it at first, but I usually get a thank you in the end.

I have 15 tattoos, and 8 piercings. I'm married and just gave birth to a baby boy in May. I'm currently a SAHM so you can find me taking care of my son and binge-watching television while he naps.

advice

I’m a 13 year old girl and I know I’m over weight but I’m trying really hard to be healthy but it’s really hard when whatever I do my brother calls me a fat ass or some other form of fat shaming and my mom does nothing. I often get in trouble if I say anything about it but I can’t just sit there and let him say those thing to me. Im already very self conscious about my weight and he makes me feel even worse. What can I do to make him stop?!?

CLAP. BACK.

Who cares if you get in trouble?

Hit him with a "I may be fat, but I can lose weight. Your personality will always be ugly."

Shut him down. Defend yourself.

someone had a pet in the mall food court...health hazard ??? should it be reported....dogs shake dander etc....so it shouldn't be in the food court where people eat right? its not a service dog.....your take??

If it bothers you so much, take your food to go.

We ve know each other for 10 months at work see each other a few times a week. Both married. There is this unbelievable connection i feel between us when we talk she holds my eye contact she flirts a bit . I ve given her a cojple small gifts and she smiles so great. Other day she said i dont bother her a bit when i drop by to talk with her. Every time i see her i feel all giddy inside. Its really hard to explain but when i stand next to her its like mothing else matters .should i be direct and ask her or keep things the same or jokingly ask her out for coffee ?

I think you need to take it down a few notches. Y'all are BOTH married. This is a work friendship and nothing more. You need to focus more on how to reinstate the romance between you and your wife instead of trying to entertain this woman you work with. Gifts are inappropriate, flirting is inappropriate, and it has to stop.

If you want me to give you advice on how to cheat on your wife, you came to the wrong place.

I'm 18 and my ex is 20. I just broke up with my boyfriend of 4 months a few days ago. I initiated it and thought I was able to get through it fine since I believe that I've never actually loved him as much as he loved me.

When I broke it to him on a Friday, he did not want to accept it and so I ignored him. I texted him on Saturday morning, urging him to say yes and agree to it since I'm hoping to find my closure too. He called me and we talked over the phone and I said very hurtful things to him. I told him about the two guys who tried to hit on me while we were still together and I admitted that I played along with them and did not make it a point to them that I was attached. (I still feel very bad about it but it was the period of time when we quarreled very often). He accepted it and said that he would still come over to my house to fight for me since he said that I didn't cheat on him. And yes, I've never cheated on him. During the phone call, I didn't know why I said all those hurtful things, but perhaps it was my own way of pushing him away. Then, he said something that ticked me off (I can't even remember what) and I hung up the phone. He tried to call several more times and I declined the call.

His mother called me afterwards and started screaming at me. And this was really the straw that broke the camel's back. After which, my mother called back to scold her and I never heard from him again. As a form of closure, I sent him an email but he has yet to reply. Right now, I'm feeling like I'd give anything to get back together with him because I know I will never find someone who will love me that much. (I know this is really selfish on my part too).

I can't text him or call him now since I think his mum will check his phone and my parents forbid me to do that since they think that this guy isn't worth it. also, I believe that if we tried to get together gaian, our parents would strongly disapprove which makes me feel like there's no way this relationship can go on.

Any help?

Leave the situation alone. If you only feel like getting back together because "he's the only one who will ever love you that much," you're being incredibly selfish and really only want to be with him so you aren't alone. Move on, get over it and find yourself. You're clearly in no position to love someone.

ive been pretty depressed for a while... i got my first bf in feb. 2014 and we broke up last week. also my frinds started fighting and hating eachother. i lost my only 5 frinds that i had made since 1rst grade. i started getting bad grades on my report cards and im getting made fun of for it. im just 10 years old but i cut myself and hav suicidal thoughts... please give me advice.

I can't help you. You aren't old enough to be on the site.

You're too young to be dating though.

I just wanted to thank you a million times. I dont know this "advicentors" site and how it works so i send u a "question". Because of you I found a music video I was looking for. I was searching for hours till I found your answer to somebodys question. Thanks alot again. I wont be able to respond to this because of my holidays. But I wanted to still thank you. xD Sorry to write you a senseless "question".

P.S.: You cant believe how happy you made me. Have a wonderfull life.

You're welcome! Glad I could help.

Do you know a boy called luis carvhalo?

No?

Personally, I have been very miserable all of my life. I have suffered from OCD as long as I can remember. I moved from New York to Florida when I was five years old. It was very traumatic for me. I have tried to commit suicide, but I just ended up in a mental institution. I do see a psychiatrist, but she does not help me. In fact, I only see her for the medication. I am absolutely miserable right now, especially with my job. I decided that I will no longer give any types of hints about suicide because I don't want to end up in a mental institution again. That did nothing to help me. I am going through preparations (getting my house ready, cleaning, trying to pay off bills).

You say that you're not giving anymore hints to the fact that you're going to commit suicide, but the fact that you're writing this to me (or in general) IS your hint.

You say your psychiatrist doesn't help. The only thing I can say about that is that she probably isn't the psychiatrist for you. Sometimes it takes a few tries (like with medication) to find the one that works for you. If you're not feeling satisfied with her, discontinue your visits and try seeing someone else.

If you're not happy with your job, QUIT. You don't have to keep working at a place that doesn't make you happy in any sense. I would recommend staying until you find something else, but once you find something that suits you better, then go ahead and leave your current job. If you're not happy with your career choice in general, it's never too late to go back to school and pursue the field that makes you happy. What are you truly passionate about? What's something that you could happily see yourself doing for the next 50 years? I'm not sure how old you are, but I know it's NEVER TOO LATE.

I'm not sure how or why your life has been traumatic, but I can assure you, it always gets better. I used to be in your position. I was in a bad relationship, I hated my job (so much that I would stress myself out to the point of getting sick), and my life was taking a downhill tumble. A few months later, I got dumped. Despite the fact that the relationship was severely toxic, I was still extremely bummed out because I don't believe in giving up on things that can be fixed. I spent the next 6 months depressed and partying. I got to the point where I kept saying "If I see my next birthday, I'll be really surprised."

Not too long after, I met my current boyfriend, had a different job, and I moved out of my parents house. Things began to look up, and things are still going well. In the 6 months after my break-up, I won't lie; suicide crossed my mind and it crossed it often. It crossed it multiple times daily, but I pushed myself to keep going. My previous attempts were unsuccessful, and I knew from previous experience that eventually, things would look up. I kept going and was fortunate enough to meet my boyfriend.

It's been almost 2 years since my break-up with my ex. Without him in my life, I've lost weight, moved to a new town (with my boyfriend), and I have a job interview on Monday. Things have never looked better.

I'm not trying to rub in my success', but I am saying that if you hold on, and try to be more positive, good things will happen. But you have to be open to them, and welcome them. You also have to work for them. They won't just come handed to you on a silver platter. Life doesn't work that way.

I can't change your mind. I can only hope that the things I've said resonate with you, and make you think differently. I really hope that you don't kill yourself. You're capable of so many things, and you won't know what you have the potential to do if you willingly rob yourself of it.

I havnent been able to sleep very well for the past week, and when I do it's maybe 5 hours a night with me waking up every 45 minutes in that time span. What should I do to get some sleep?

This is going to be an awful suggestion, but this is what I do. Go to the supermarket and buy Non Habit Forming Sleep-Aid Pills. You get like 48 to a box for $3 (they're store brand usually) and you take 2 a night before bed. It'll help you sleep through the night, and you'll sleep well.

I'm a senior in high school and have not been asked to prom, nor do I expect to be. I don't really want to go anyway-I see no point in spending a lot of money(dress, ticket, hair) for 3 unenjoyable hours. Especially since I just wrecked my car and I can't imagine asking my parents for money after that. I also don't want to ask anyone. However, my best friend, who is like a sister to me, really wants me to go. I don't want to let her down, but I really don't want to go. I don't know what to do.

In all honesty, I think you should go.

1. You're a senior. It's your last year of high school, you should do everything there is to do- prom, spirit week, homecoming, senior prank, etc

2. You're going to miss high school someday.

3. You're talking yourself out of going by telling yourself it's going to be awful. Because you're going into it thinking it's going to be terrible, it probably will be and you won't enjoy yourself. Change your mentality towards it, and you'll have fun.

4. You wouldn't be going alone. You would be going with your best friend, and if that alone doesn't sound fun, then you've got a problem.

You should go. It's your last chance to have some stories from your last year of high school. Besides, I never went to mine and I still regret it 7 years later.

what would you call someone who doesn't want something to get done to them but they can do it?

A hypocrite.

13/m
So i am taller than most people in my grade but my best freind is taller than me. He always says im short for my age and my moms boyfreinds son says the same thing. So i want your opinion. Im roughly 5'8 and like i said 13. Thanks for you response

Really? 5'8" at age 13 seems tall to me. I'm 23 years old and female, and I'm only 5'3"

I'm done with puberty, so I'll be this height forever. You, on the other hand, are just beginning puberty and you'll more than likely hit a growth spurt. You'll be okay. Don't worry.

I am a selfish jerk and a cheat. i have no skill sets to get a job. everybody around me is very judegemental so i cant tell truth about what is going on in my life. i just want to end it. please suggest me ways to kill myself. Dont try to talk me out of it.

I hate to break it to you, but no one on this site is going to help you kill yourself. We simply are not allowed to, and the legal repercussions it could have would be too tremendous of a risk.

What you need to do is seek professional help. Get a therapist and tell them everything you're feeling. They're an unbiased party. They don't know you personally, so they can't really judge you like you fear the people you do know would. If they feel you need medication, they'll probably prescribe you an anti-depressant. If it doesn't work at first, don't get overwhelmed as it sometimes take a few different medications to find the one that works best for you.

Please try to remember that life does get better. I used to be in your position...where I hated myself and thought I was worthless and that everything would be better off if I didn't exist. I was wrong. I got myself better with some medication, and I got new hobbies. I went out, started a new job, made new friends, did new things, and my life is better than ever now. I've never been so happy before, and I know that if I had taken the easy way out, I wouldn't get to see how incredible my life could be. And please know that just because everyone seems caught up in their own life to pay attention to or help you with your problems, it doesn't mean they don't care. They do, but life gets in the way and things happen. I promise you'll be missed and that you affect more people than you think you do.

I am a selfish jerk and a cheat. i have no skill sets to get a job. everybody around me is very judegemental so i cant tell truth about what is going on in my life. i just want to end it. please suggest me ways to kill myself. Dont try to talk me out of it.

I hate to break it to you, but no one on this site is going to help you kill yourself. We simply are not allowed to, and the legal repercussions it could have would be too tremendous of a risk.

What you need to do is seek professional help. Get a therapist and tell them everything you're feeling. They're an unbiased party. They don't know you personally, so they can't really judge you like you fear the people you do know would. If they feel you need medication, they'll probably prescribe you an anti-depressant. If it doesn't work at first, don't get overwhelmed as it sometimes take a few different medications to find the one that works best for you.

Please try to remember that life does get better. I used to be in your position...where I hated myself and thought I was worthless and that everything would be better off if I didn't exist. I was wrong. I got myself better with some medication, and I got new hobbies. I went out, started a new job, made new friends, did new things, and my life is better than ever now. I've never been so happy before, and I know that if I had taken the easy way out, I wouldn't get to see how incredible my life could be. And please know that just because everyone seems caught up in their own life to pay attention to or help you with your problems, it doesn't mean they don't care. They do, but life gets in the way and things happen. I promise you'll be missed and that you affect more people than you think you do.

So I'm 12 year old girl and I hate how I look. I am the ugliest person in the world. I want to look prettier. What can I do with out getting in trouble with my parents?

I hate to say this, and it actually kind of hurts to, but feeling this way...it's normal.

Everyone has things they don't like about themselves. I'm 23, and I've struggled with my looks since I was 8. I remember being in 2nd grade and telling my mother that I was ugly and I was always going to be that way. My confidence has come a long way since then, but I still have my days where I honestly believe that if being unattractive was a crime, I would serve a lifetime in prison.

I can honestly tell you though that some people that are considered unattractive by society's standards are some of the most beautiful people you will ever meet. Your looks are not important. Yes, they get the attention, but your personality is what will keep people coming back for more. As long as you are a good person, who's genuine and caring, you will be beautiful in more ways than one.

As far as your parents go, talk to your mom. Ask her how old she was when she first started wearing make-up and then see what she would be okay with letting you do. You're 12, so she's probably not going to let you do much, but I'm sure she'll start with baby steps and you can work your way up as you get older. But really sweetie, you're probably beautiful. We're all our own worst critics, and we see ourselves in a completely different way than everyone else sees us. Don't worry about your looks so much. Society is wrong, and you don't have to be stick-thin, blonde or super tan to be attractive.

So me 17and my boyfriend 18 have been dating for 1 year.He decited he wanted to try anal.which I agreed to but the only problem was he couldn't get it in and ended up raming it on my butt but he didn't get it in.we are both virgins and have no Idea what to do so if someone could help me and tell me how it works that would be great.Also what's your opinion on anus because I have no idea on how it feels.

Take it from a female standpoint when I tell you that anal sex really isn't all that bad. I first tried it with my ex-boyfriend, and I didn't like it at all with him. I didn't know if it was the size of his penis, the position we were in, or just the lack of lubrication from anything other than the condom, but it wasn't enjoyable for me. However, with my current boyfriend, I tried it, and even though it hurt at first, it was something I got used to. We actually do anal quite a bit. Anyways....

When deciding to try anal, make sure that you're completely trusting of the person you're doing it with, and make sure that it's something YOU want to do. It can't just be a one sided thing where you do it to appease him and make him happy. You also need to be on board because you are the one the act is being performed on.

The best way to do it is to work your way up to it. Start with fingers during sex or oral and see how it feels. If you're relaxed and find it's something you enjoy, go for it. When you first try it, tell him to go slow, and to be gentle as you're putting something in a place it's not really meant to go into. Make sure that you're relaxed as well because if your body is tense, it's going to hurt, and you'll feel uncomfortable which will lead you to probably not liking it. Just take the necessary steps, and don't jump into it straight away. You should be fine.

Today, my mom asked me how one of my acquaintances was; she said he seemed depressed. I said that I didn't know, and instantly felt guilty. We had gotten to be pretty good friends at the beginning of the school year, and although we've never dated, I've had a crush on him for a long time and he likes me too. But around Thanksgiving, he completely stopped talking to me, and being egocentric and clingy, I thought that maybe he was sick of me or being standoffish or that he didn't like me in the first place and asked him why he was "ignoring me". But now that I think about it, he has seemed depressed, and that didn't even occur to me because I'm horrible at reading emotions and really, really egocentric. Thinking about how other people are feeling doesn't come naturally to me; I'm very empathetic, but unless it's obvious how someone is feeling, I won't think anything of it. I hate how I just assumed that he was ignoring me out of some negative quality on his part. He's finally started talking to me a little bit more lately, and I was just about to send him a message on Facebook when I noticed that he unfriended me.

I want to apologize, but I have no idea how to do so. If I ask him if anything is wrong, he's probably going to push me away, especially since we've never been close friends. I've been a really horrible friend in a lot of ways, now that I think about it. What should I do?

For clarification, I'm a sophomore in high school.

Do you have his phone number? If not, just Facebook message him.

Apologize for being a "bad friend" and let him know that you feel awful for not noticing it sooner, and for assuming that it was something you did. Let him know that even though you guys aren't super close, you care about him, and that his happiness is important to you. Tell him that no matter what happens, you care and you're there for him if he ever needs/wants a shoulder to cry on, figuratively speaking.

He may not come around right away, but I'm sure he would appreciate the fact that you apologized to him and expressed that you cared about him and his feelings.

I lost 5000 dirhams in Dubai mall inside the food court.....near the play area at the entrance....the police not much help actually.....can't sleep.....want it back badly :( no advices please just help!!!

The only thing the cops can really do is look at the security cameras within that area of the mall to see where exactly you lost it, and if anyone picked it up.

To be honest, there isn't much we can do either. Most of us are not in Dubai, and we have no means of getting your money back for you.

I'm sorry you lost your money, but let this be a lesson to you to not carry such a big sum of money around, and to be more careful with your belongings.

What do you do if you are messing around with a boy, and finding out that he has another girlfriend, and may have a baby by one of his ex-girlfriends. What should I do I mean I don't claim him so what should I do?

End it. If he has a girlfriend, you have no reason to be seeing each other.

i dont like the boy and how can i say no?

Tell him you're flattered that he sees you that way, but you don't see him in the same light.

<<< Previous Advice Column

Next Advice Column >>>