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God help you if you trusted the advice I gave at 13.




trisspoke (7:31:17 PM): make me your forum link!

advice

How do i know he really loves me when he says it?

When you stop asking that question.

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Hi! 22 F

So my mom keeps telling me i need to use something to clean my face. I have really good skin i have never broken out before... Once when i used a cream from origins and after that i was like screw this.. I never ever wash my face i never take my make up off. So i figured i would use something in the shower? Does anybody have any suggestions

You should be removing your make up nightly. Every time you don't take your make-up off, your skin actually ages 17 days, as opposed to just one. I like to use those make-up wipes they sell in drugstores to take my make-up off. They're so easy I have no excuse to skip it.

As far as a face wash goes, I would go into a Sephora or another beauty store and discuss what kind of skin you have with a consultant. They could recommend brands of cleanser that would be good for your skin. If you feel that the products they recommend are too expensive, you can look up online the drug-store equivalents. Once you start washing your face, moisturizer is a must as well.

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I thought I was in a good relationship with a guy I really believed to be my soul mate.. We have dated for one and a half years now.

I just came off the phone with his baby's mum. She felt that because he wasn't going to own up to it,then she should tell me other than me finding out from other random people. I was just in shock. He denied responsibility for the pregnancy and it turns out that he was with her the same time he was with me,and he lied to me alot of those times. The child is now one year old and he has never mentioned it to me. She broke the news to his mum because he also wasn't going to tell her.
I am a person who is slow to anger,and so it really hasn't dawned on me yet. But the more I think of it,the more I'm conflicted. I just want to shut him off completely from my life and have nothing to do with him. It's just so hard for me to believe that someone I love could do that to someone else.

I need your help on having those difficult conversations. As it is I just want to shut him off. I've found out about it less than an hour ago and I'm slowly coming to terms with it.

He cheated on you and denied having any responsibility for a child. What makes you think he won't do the same to you?

You need to break up with him. He sounds like a piece of shit, and you should be shutting him out of your life. If you believe that he's nonviolent, drive to his house and tell him what you know, and that you can no longer see him. Then stop taking his calls.

He will try to call you. He will try to get back together with you. He sounds like the deranged kind of douche that will attempt to manipulate the shit out of you until you give in. Don't let it happen. Right now, you need to share this news with a few trusted people that you can lean on and will hold you accountable if you attempt to get back with this scum. Let them be your support system and leave this asshole behind.

Do not try to reason with him and weigh your options. If he's shitty to the child he already has and the woman he had it with, he will act similarly to you should your relationship advance to that point. Hightail it the fuck out of there before it can.

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Every time I listen to a song, it's about sex. Boy celebrities only care about boobs, sex, vaginas, and big butts, and pretty women. For girl celebs...damn, ho it up. It seems that slutty girls are famous. Kesha can't sing without auto tune, but still gets fans by shaking her fake body. Miley Cirus is payed to put stuff in her mouth and twerk, while she constantly sticks her toungue out yet wrecking ball is played everywhere. And what happened to clothes???????? Middana was not very good, but became a big bag of money over pointy boobs. Brittney Spears, can't sing, can't dance, acts like a slut, rich as Fuck. Rihanna. She wears nothing but a bra and underwear and posts naked photos of herself. But everybody knows her. “hey, you know Rihanna mountain man?" “of course." Lady gaga… she used to be good but now her music videos scare me, I can't even watch them. It's like, one celeb acts slutty and gets rich and famous, then it starts of a chain reaction of sluts taking it to the next level.

Boo hoo, humans are sexual beings and I feel personally targeted by it.

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Ok so this boy is 13 and my best friend is 14.
They have been going out for 5 days now but I know something as my cousin told me. Her boyfriend is a flirt and I already knew that, he chats up anyone he can basically...

Last night my cousin was talking to him and he was saying that he loves her and wants to send pics to her and for her to send back (dirty pictures)

I really don't know what to do... Should I tell her?
How can I tell her? Should I give it time?

Help!!

Tell her. She'll probably be insulted, but she'll get over it. You're all so young that it won't matter in a few years anyway if you were honest with her and she got upset. You're being a good friend, and it's good to develop that skill now.

Also he doesn't love her, and by the time you're 20, that will be obvious. You'll laugh at the suggestion that he ever did.

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Hi i came from philippines so my language is tagalog.I am sooo very confused about the English grammar especially the present,past and future tense. For example: is,was,been,drink,drank,drunk,ring,rang,rung,sing,sang,sung,swim,swam,swum.etc. And many many more. I think i am going to memorize all of these to make my grammar correct right? Hmm i haven't known people who can teach me on how to speak in english face to face and someone to talked with. All of my friends are tagalog language and they are not good in speaking in english fast too! It takes a minute or an hour every word and if they don't know how to use the grammar well they just forget about it! And say "my nose bleeds" hahaha. Can you give me some an advice to make my English speaking becomes faster?

Yo0o0o0o0o0o Tagalog!!! Huge fan of your culture. Huge fan of Jose Rizal.

Moving on. Look in your area and see what English language services may be offered. See if schools offer English classes at night. Do a quick google search and find out if there's any services where you can find an English speaking pen pal. Look for computer programs or classes where you may practice your English as well. English is, unfortunately, a very difficult language to master. These services will help you understand the differences better than you would just by learning on your own.

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I don't feel physically attraced to my boyfriend anymore. But I do love him very much. I connect with him on an emotional level. He's like my best friend, I'm really happy to be around him, he generally makes me very happy and I also get butterflies when I see him. I don't want to leave him, because I love him!
I never thought that he was the hottest guy in the world but he does have things that I like. (longish hair, he has a nice face.)
The problem is that he doesn't take care of himself that much. He often has dirty fingernails and I don't like him touching me with them. He also has horribe acne on his back. (which I know isn't his fault but instead of doing something about it, he keeps scratching)So whenever he takes his shirt off, I get a little grossed out just because it looks really horrible sometimes. He doesn't shave very often and whenever he kisses me it hurts because of his beard. And he also doesn't brush his teeth every day which also makes me not want to kiss him. His feet often smell, his mouth gets dirty after he eats etc. He's also extremely skinny, which makes me feel kind of .. fat. Like I am able to crush him any time if I'm not careful. (Which also obviously doesn't turn me on.) I never want sex, I dread it. I also don't want to kiss him and cuddling hurts because he's so skinny. He also seems very needy at times. Like I seriously feel like his mom sometimes. If he doesn't have a stomachache, he has a headache, if he doesn't have that, then it's something else bothering him. I do like taking care of him but not all the time. I've tried talking to him about it before but I'm not sure if he understood how much this is affecting our relationship. I do think that I can be attracted to him again, if we work on these things. But how can I tell him properly without hurting his feelings too much?

Because I have a paid account, I can see that you are currently 18 years old. In the future, it might be useful for you to include this in your question for readers to gauge where you are in your life so they may better respond to your question. At your age, it's pretty unlikely that you're ready to settle down, so my answer will be geared to someone who may realistically leave this guy.

While you feel that you still want to be with him, you may find that you love him but aren't "in love" with him. Think back to the beginning of your relationship: did he have all these qualities you listed then? If so, then at the time your feelings of intimacy probably helped you overlook his less-than-favorable hygiene quirks. If this is the case, re-evaluate where this relationship is going. Do you want to be in this for the long haul? Are you going to be leaving home for college or work soon, which would put an even greater strain on the relationship? These are all questions to ask yourself.

If these habits have developed over the course of the relationship, the only thing you really can do is reiterate to him how damaging this is to the relationship in a careful manner. Telling someone they are no longer attractive to you is inevitably damaging, and if not phrased properly can ultimately ruin the relationship. The best way to approach this is with "I feel" statements. For example, you could say "I feel like when you don't put effort into seducing me, I'm not worthy of being seduced." That takes the onus off of him a bit, while forcing him to rethink his behavior.

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Hi, I'm 17, female, and a kinda past love of mine is coming to visit soon, I haven't seen him in two years. While he's here I want to get him to fall in love with me? Any tips?

Get over him. You're 17. You aren't the same person you were when you were 15. This dude could actually be lame as hell, and even if he's not, there's a whole world of guys out there to experience. I'm sure your romance feels like the be all end all of great loves, but it isn't. Be cordial to him, but go find some new boy to chase.

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So I'm 16 and I might have some feelings for this guy. He's a year older than me and we text a lot but hes hard to read and I don't know if he likes me back. He gets jealous easily when I'm with or talking to other guys. And he always wants to hang out. What do you think? Does he like me?

He likes you but he sounds like an immature dick. All seventeen year old boys are immature dicks, though, so this is pretty run of the mill. Date him at your own caution.

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21/f, 27/m

I have been dating this guy for about two months. He used to say "good morning" and "good night :-*" all the time. And he used to text me at least by 3 PM everyday. Last week, I noticed that things started changing. He stopped saying good morning and good night. He doesn't text me unless I text him first... And his texts are becoming short. When we see each other, he still kisses me, holds my hand, etc.

He recently went on vacation to LA and he texted me that he just got to his hotel and that he wished that I was there. After that, he didn't really say anything after that. He hasn't texted me at all. My friend told me that if it was him, he wouldn't be texting on vacation and I should wait until he gets back.

I have confronted him about what's been going on if asked if there was something wrong. He denies it all... He says that everything is fine and great. I'm having trouble trusting him. I'm not sure if he's found someone else or is interested in someone else but just isn't telling me. Or if I'm just thinking too much into it.

What do you think?

The honeymoon phase of your relationship is starting to wear off. It's not glaringly obvious that he found someone else--in fact, there's really no reason to believe that he has. It's just that things aren't fresh and new so the intensity of his affection has begun to cool down. This happens in every single relationship, and it's not a sign that things are doomed.

Nevertheless, I will say that this is the point that relationships either settle and continue or end. It is possible that he's over it, but this will only be established through clear and open lines of communication. A relationship isn't rainbows and grand gestures of love all the time--its the quiet agreement to love, trust, and respect one another. Now's the time to see if this was a the beginnings of relationship or pure infatuation. Wait until you can discuss things with him in person to determine this.

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So my boyfriend(also the father of our 3 month old) and I have been having terrible problems ever since our daughter was born.

First, we fought all the time because he never wanted to spend any time with his daughter. He would much rather have been partying. -Let it be known that I am 21 and he is 22, almost 23.

THEN once we were starting to get over that, we got into it BIG time, because I found two thongs in his possession that weren't mine. He told me that he didn't even know he had them and that he didn't know who they even belonged to.

BUT THEN just a few minutes ago, I was on his laptop and found naked pics that he kept from girls that he was sleeping with. Why would he keep those? I feel completely disrespected. I told him to get rid of EVERYTHING that could get us into a fight like the thongs did and he said that he had nothing else.

I know that going through his laptop was wrong, but I hate thinking that the father of my child could be cheating on me. Should I tell him what I saw? Should I admit to looking at his laptop? Do I have a reason to be mad or am I just crazy?

He is at a friend's house tonight, or so he told me, and therefor wont be coming home tonight. Do I wait to tell him when he gets home? Or should I warn him with a text?

I would GREATLY appreciate any advice that you have. I'm not above begging :( PLEASE!

Whether or not he is cheating, I think that it's clear that he isn't ready to be a father. While the underwear or pictures might belong to exgirlfriends, if he was mature enough to commit to both you and your child completely, he would not be keeping those sorts of things around.

You should approach him and tell him what you found on his computer. He will be upset because what you did ultimately is wrong. You invaded his privacy, which isn't cool in any relationship, but at this point you do have the right to know whether or not he is being faithful. You should then address the issue of whether or not he can be an active participant in the life you are building for your child. Likely, he isn't ready. That doesn't make him a bad person. That makes him a 23 year old that still needs to find what he wants from life. Keep that in mind and also keep in mind no matter what he will have to spend time with his child. You just might need to be the overall more reliable parent.

You should begin taking account of your finances and set a budget to live as a single parent because it sounds like it might come to that. Right now the most important thing is the well-being of your child. If need be, look into welfare services and food stamps. It is doubtful that you two will be together much longer.

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i am a 13/female and i like my friend that my other friend wants to ask out as well. what should i do?

Don't ask him out. In a few years from now, this boy won't matter to either of you anyway, so it's better to forget about him than to risk losing the friendship. Make sure you let her know your feelings though, and hopefully she will take the high road and skip asking him out too.

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I'm a 13 year old girl. I am straight. I have some acne (not tht bad), I have long brown hair with blonde highlights, I weigh 103 and I am 5'7. People refer me as independent, cute, awkward, funny, shy, sweet, nice, beautiful, smart, optimistic, cool and fun to be around. I have been on the honor roll since 6th grade(in 8th grade right now). I like dance, track, playing guitar, video games, photography and singing. I am not popular but I am certainly not on the bottom of the list. Why won't boys ask me to be their girlfriend, is there something wrong with me?

This sounds a lot like the questions I used to ask on here when I was 13! I'm much older now, and I can tell you that while you might not get a boyfriend now or for a few years, in the long run you won't care. The relationships your friends have now really aren't true love, and they probably won't really concern them five years from now. You also need to know there's absolutely nothing wrong with you! At your age, boys really just ask any girl to be their girlfriend whether they like them or not. Just keep having fun with your friends and in a few years you'll be having tons of fun with nice boys.

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Hi,
I recently have been talking to someone . I need advice on whether to keep him or dump him! He says "he likes me alot and wants to get to know me better." We hung out couple times . My question is does he really want to be more than friends or just playing games when he says " he was going to cock slap me ." I'm confused. . We hang out watch movies,go shopping ,talk he text me all day everyday buys me food and pays for gas. Is he really wanting relationship or just playing with me?

It sounds like he likes kinda weird shit in the bedroom if he wants to "cock slap" you, but there aren't really any signs here that he's playing games. He's probably just taking things slow, which you might not be used to going, but getting to know someone before rushing into a relationship is usually a really good sign.

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Hey everyone!

So I'm talking to this guy I met through an app called kik messenger. I'm really starting to like him, and he likes me ever since he met me, says he. We were talking about what we would do when we meet, and I told him Id like to cuddle with him on the couch while we watch a Kevin Hart movie or one of his stand-ups (really anything that involves Kevin Hart lol) and he said "yeah I'd love to do that!" and I said "really?" and he said "I love you..." then 2 seconds later, before I could even respond, he said "OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY THAT SLIPPED OUT! OH MY GOD!" and I wasn't sure how to respond. Then 2 days ago he said it again when I told him I could video chat with him. This time I said "?" after he said "I love you" and he said, more calmly this time, "oh I'm sorry I didn't mean to say that..." or something of that nature and again I had no idea how to respond.

I'm afraid that when we actually get to talk on oovoo that he'll say it again, and I really don't want to have an awkward silence. Does anyone know what I can say to him that won't make him uncomfortable? If you do that would be amazing.

Thanks to everyone in advance!

Tell him he's moving way too fast for you.

You should feel uncomfortable if someone you've never really met in person is confessing their love for you. That's not normal. Honestly, I'd have my guard up if I were you. It's likely he's either A) a weirdo or B) does this to every girl. Despite how well you might think you know this character, love has a whole lot to do with pheromones and all that good stuff that only comes into place when in person. He's neglecting that.

And on that note, do yourself a favor and avoid cuddling on a couch or doing anything in private the first time you meet him. The first few meetings you have with a stranger from the internet should be in a neutral, public space.

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When my ex and me met there was an amazing instant connection, he was everything Id ever wanted, completely perfect and we knew we were eachothers soulmates...I would have died for him. (Im 18 years to clarify) He took me out for meals, we had fun, spent everyday with eachother and for 7 amazing months were inseperable.
But 7 months in he got scared, I came back from a trip skiing and everything was re-ignited, he realised he loved me a lot and freaked out about me going to uni after my gap year (he was cheated on by his past 4 girlfriends) and said he wanted to get engaged after uni, but couldnt stand losing me to another guy there. I was devastated.
After he dumped me he slept with someone else (his choice, he was single), and came crying to me, saying he'd made a massive mistake and wanted what we had, he'd been an idiot.
I took him back, but it's not the same :/

He likes to keep his private life (me) and his social life (his friends) seperate.
He won't say he loves me because he's too scared of what it will mean.
We don't go out for meals anymore, its like Im a secret?
He always seems tired and never excited to see me...I only see him once a week for a few hours and I KNOW he has more time, he always used to make it for me.

I know he's being exclusive, but we're just stuck seeing eachother with him not acting like he really cares :( He says Im over emotional, and I do get upset about everything sometimes, but he used to cuddle me and tell me it'd be alright, and now he just gets angry :( He doesn't act romantic anymore and seems kind of bored with me :(

I'd still do anything for him, as I remember the guy he can be...I just don't understand what I should do? :(

Advice appreciated xx

This guy doesn't necessary sound like a bad person, but he does sound super immature. Getting scared and backing out of a relationship is something younger guys tend to do because they're scared of getting hurt or rushing into something their heart isn't fully in. They really just don't know what they want. It sounds like this guy doesn't either if he hooked up with one girl and then came crying back to you. Does that seem like someone who has a really great sense of self and what they stand for? Probably not. He's not going to be able to have a mature, stable relationship until he figures out if that's actually what he wants or not.

Now let's talk about the red flags that should be hinting that you need to hightail it out of there. He considers you his private life and not his social life? What kind of fuckery is that? If you're his girlfriend, he needs to include you in other areas of his life. He can't simply be intimate with you then refuse to be seen with you in public. He should want to incorporate you into his social circle. Furthermore, if he's too immature to say that he loves you because of "what it will mean," then you shouldn't be wasting your valuable time giving him your love and affection. A relationship needs to be a two-way street. You can't be the only one coming from a place of love. Finally, if you aren't going out anymore, it's safe to say the honeymoon is definitely over. Once it is, there needs to be something more than infatuation to keep a relationship together. There needs to be respect and understanding, and it doesn't seem like there's too much of that going around in your neck of the woods.

Leave the relationship. I know it's going to suck. You're going to spend months crying in bed. We've all been there before, and most of us will probably be there again. But you'll learn from this. You'll see that you don't need to be with someone who strings you along and plays with your emotions. You'll learn to stand on your own two feet. Go away to university single and don't promise ANYONE that you might get engaged afterwards. You need to be on your own to get a better sense of self, which will ultimately help you nurture mature relationships. You two have really outgrown each other, and now it's time to be on your own.

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16/f
ok ive never had a bf in my whole life and my friends are startin to pick on me and my mom is startin to worry about me never havin a bf. Is this normal cause im not sure ive just never met 'the one'. My friends go out with people all the time and try to hook me up with people i dont even know. Guys ask me out but i just dont have the heart to say yes. Is this normal, to be 16 and never have had a bf in whole life?
Please any advise will be very thankful!!

I didn't have a boyfriend until I was 17. Now, I'm in college and usually have more boy drama than I could have ever bargained for.

High school is just a really superficial place. If you were a little awkward or quirky when you were younger, often times your peers will refuse to overlook that stage. They're really just insecure themselves, but they might focus on the shortcomings of other people to take the focus off of their own flaws. As you get older, this attitude tends to disappear, and people will see you for you and be interested in dating you.

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Hi, so I bought some eos lipbalm today and I love it but I called my friend and she said that on the news (in Canada) the lipbalm was discontinued because there a deadly bacteria found in it, people have sued because of it and it would illegal to bring it back into Canada (where we both live) Is she telling the truth and should I stop using it if it is?

I haven't heard of it, and haven't been able to find anything on the internet about it. Many of the safety standards on products between the United States where eos is popular and Canada are similar because of NAFTA. It's doubtful that this is illegal. It's probably safe to bring back to Canada.

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I wear my hair natural during summer and the school year. I have hair that touches my shoulder and most of the time I wear it with a headband or scrunchie. Nothing too fancy.

My hair is like this sometimes: http://www.blackgirlhaircare.com/wpcontent/uploads/2011/03/natural-hair-braid-out.jpg

or I wear it in a ponytail.

It seems like everybody else I know think that my hair is cute and say I'm unique. But I get insulted during the school year by people my age. They ask me why I don't perm my hair, the guys are rude too. Not all of the kids are like that, but most of them.
I'm thinking wtf did I do? I just walk away because it was not worth starting an argument with bumbling idiots.
I just think it's a damn shame that it is like this :\

Unfortunately, we live in a society where white beauty triumphs all other beauty. We have been socialized to think this way for centuries in the United States. When you don't relax your hair, you're breaking the social norm, so people start to question it and question you. It's likely you make them feel insecure because you are willing to be true to yourself, while they are not. The boys are simply buying into the beauty ideals that the media is selling them: that only thin, white women, often with blonde straight hair and large breasts, can be considered beautiful. Kudos to you for having the all to walk away. Keep your head up. It sounds like you're in high school or grade school which really sucks for most people. Once you get out in the real world you will find people who accept you for your choices.

As a white women, I'm not an authority on this subject. For a more detailed answer, shoot a question to these tumblrs:

http://mochafleur.com/

http://brown-fat-owl.tumblr.com/

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Would you trust your significant other if they were living with their Ex boyfriend/girlfriend?

My boyfriend is still living with his ex girlfriend.. he claims they are just best friends and hes just living with her because their contract isn't up till october and he doesn't want to leave her stranded paying for the whole rent. They don't stay in the same room, but I don't know if I can trust them. He told me he was living with her and they were broken up a little while after he met me. He says that he can't put her out on the street.Should I trust my boyfriend that still lives with his ex-girlfriend?

That's sketchy as shit my friend. I understand this is a shitty economy, and no one necessarily wants to back out of a lease and have to continue to pay rent, continuing to live with an ex while dating someone new is all sorts of unhealthy for the psyches of everyone involved. Tell him to call you when he's living with someone else.

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