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Naked pics of exes
So my boyfriend(also the father of our 3 month old) and I have been having terrible problems ever since our daughter was born.
First, we fought all the time because he never wanted to spend any time with his daughter. He would much rather have been partying. -Let it be known that I am 21 and he is 22, almost 23.
THEN once we were starting to get over that, we got into it BIG time, because I found two thongs in his possession that weren't mine. He told me that he didn't even know he had them and that he didn't know who they even belonged to.
BUT THEN just a few minutes ago, I was on his laptop and found naked pics that he kept from girls that he was sleeping with. Why would he keep those? I feel completely disrespected. I told him to get rid of EVERYTHING that could get us into a fight like the thongs did and he said that he had nothing else.
I know that going through his laptop was wrong, but I hate thinking that the father of my child could be cheating on me. Should I tell him what I saw? Should I admit to looking at his laptop? Do I have a reason to be mad or am I just crazy?
He is at a friend's house tonight, or so he told me, and therefor wont be coming home tonight. Do I wait to tell him when he gets home? Or should I warn him with a text?
I would GREATLY appreciate any advice that you have. I'm not above begging :( PLEASE!
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Is this relationship working for you?
I'll be frank: Although I would prefer if my boyfriend not keep naked photos of his exes (mostly, because I would feel awful for those girls if he ever got hacked and their photos ended up online...) I wouldn't get too worked up if he wanted to keep them. Everyone has a past, and past loves and relationships. Not everything has to burned and thrown away when a relationship ends.
So, unless these photos were taken during your relationship or were taken without these women's consent, I think you are over-reacting to pictures he should be entitled to keep.
So, the more important question is:
Is this relationship working for you?
You are angry, resentful and distrustful. You snooped and invaded his privacy.
Even if he's not cheating - is this working? Is this a good enough deal for you? Is this a relationship you even want to try to fix?
Sure, you can have a nasty text exchange back and forth where you both get worked up and pissed off. Then you can flip out at him when he comes home for keeping these photos. I totally get you might feel very differently than I do about this subject and be legitimately upset. Then he can get all righteous and legitimately upset about you snooping through his computer. Then you can bring up the thongs and his obvious lies about those... and you both can go on and on like this for as long as you like.
Or, you can decide this relationship isn't working for you, and start the tough process of ending it.
I think the answer is probably simpler than you are ready to admit. Neither of you is behaving particularly well. This relationship probably isn't working for either of you. Dedicate yourself to being respectful co-parents, and go be better with other people.
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Whether or not he is cheating, I think that it's clear that he isn't ready to be a father. While the underwear or pictures might belong to exgirlfriends, if he was mature enough to commit to both you and your child completely, he would not be keeping those sorts of things around.
You should approach him and tell him what you found on his computer. He will be upset because what you did ultimately is wrong. You invaded his privacy, which isn't cool in any relationship, but at this point you do have the right to know whether or not he is being faithful. You should then address the issue of whether or not he can be an active participant in the life you are building for your child. Likely, he isn't ready. That doesn't make him a bad person. That makes him a 23 year old that still needs to find what he wants from life. Keep that in mind and also keep in mind no matter what he will have to spend time with his child. You just might need to be the overall more reliable parent.
You should begin taking account of your finances and set a budget to live as a single parent because it sounds like it might come to that. Right now the most important thing is the well-being of your child. If need be, look into welfare services and food stamps. It is doubtful that you two will be together much longer.
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It is very likely you may of been lied too the entire time and may of not known it, sounds like he is or has cheated. Confronting or asking him about this is not going to get you the answers you want. He lied, he has been lying and he still has not come clean. At this point for you and your daughters sake I think it may be best for the both of you to go your ways. To save drama hopefully you can agree to joint custody. However staying with him sets a poor example for your child and it is not a healthy enviroment for you or the baby. It is pointless to bring it up as he will fill you with more lies. At this point you need to end it, plain and simple
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