Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
So, im 22 female. my parents have been together for 30 years. Back when i was 15, I always caught my dad on porn sites or using a webcam.. too young to realize. when i was 18, i realized how much he was always leaving the house at night (my mom works nights) and the nights my mom didnt work he would be home. He would come home those nights acting weird, i knew something was up. I found him in a chat site, and in his search history a lot of searches for escorts, prostitutes, sex sites, etc like craigslist. It bothered me, knowing he was doing something behind my moms back and I knew, and disgusted me he was spending money on it. I tried to let my mom see the evidence by calling her nights he was out late when she was at work saying why isnt he home? Why does he have a webcam. The situation really bothered me knowing that I had this information that would break our family apart.
Anyways, I decided to completely forget about it as i moved to college, and hoped that he would change on his own or my mom would figure it out.
Here I am, almost 23, living at home finishing up my last year of college. When I went to his computer to print something off, I found a phone that isnt his primary phone, it was a prepaid phone. On it was texts to prostitutes named "trantran", and a guy with his full name listed, address, and sexual messages of plans of meeting up, what my dad wanted, what the other person wanted, when and where they would meet, and him saying he was on the way. There was about 3 visits to different people in a week... this obviously is a multiple times a week thing.
So, my dad is hooking up with "trans" and a guy, and i researched this guy based on his name and address he gave, and he is a !!!junior in highschool!!! This is something I cannot and will not forget, nor ignore.
To top it all off, I found this out 2 days ago, and 3 days ago my mom found out she might have breast cancer. So, here I am. Understanding my dad is rather gay, a sex addict, but do know hes cheating religiously on my mom and I am the only one who knows.
I can't tell my brother, him and my dad work together in their own business, and i dont want that stress to be put on my brother.
I told my boyfriend, he's helping as much as he can.
So what if I tell my mom, one, she is about to find out if she has cancer. Two, I feel like this decision, although I know this is not my fault, but this decision to tell her is heartbreaking because I am responsible for all the pain and stress she is about to go through. My whole family will fall apart, my grandparents aunts uncles and family friends will all be so mad etc. My dad will hate me for basically having all this information against him (I know that its his fault, yes, but still, i will have zero relationship after this). Who knows if he will hurt himself, run away, do something horrible.
What if I dont tell my mom. I feel guilty as hell knowing that she is being treated this way, having to lie to her, having so much anger to keep this horrible secret in because of him, but then again only I feel the pain of the situation if I dont tell. And my family goes on as is. Plus, my mom is supporting my family and my dad, as he is in debt from opening his store, yet he is spending money on sex..
What if I say something to my dad, how will he react, does he need help bc hes a sex addict or will he be embarrased bc maybe he is gay? Will he continue his ways, will he laugh in my face, will he hurt himself, will he run away, will he kill himself, will he really try and get help?
This situation is not my fault, but the outcome of this situation at this current moment is riding heavily in my hands.. i make the decision what to do, who to tell, what to say.. And i really just need help. No one, no one wants to find out their dad is this type of person, it RIPS me apart knowing he is cheating, lying, spending money on this, having sex with a high school student, knowing he must be sooo messed up in his head, must have such deep serious problems, be so wrapped up in this that he does it multiple times a week, comes home, lives a double life.
It tears me apart to know my mother, someone so sweet, caring, and giving, doesn't know, she doesn't deserve this, she will be CRUSHED, they have an upcoming vacation together. What if my dad gets caught by the police, what if my dad goes to jail, what if my dad is so emotionally messed up he has no idea what to do and feels alone, what if hes got so many problems he just ends up hurting himself. How do I sort these emotions out in my head, how do i make a decision, how do i deal with all of this..
any advice is helpful.
Get your butt into therapy.
Chances are good you are going to tell someone, sooner rather than later. Your mother is being put in physical danger by your father's choices. A man who is regularly paying for sex, and seeking sex with someone who is - likely - a minor, is not someone who can be trusted to be practicing safe sex.
Between that very real physical danger, the potentially criminal behaviour, the financial concerns, and your entirely legitimate anger, this is going to come out of your mouth at some point, and it's going to hurt everyone - probably you more than most, because you'll be getting it from all sides.
So talk to a therapist. Your boyfriend may be awesome, but he is also limited, and you want to make sure your relationship with him can stay healthy and balanced through this. So, talk to a therapist about everything you are feeling, and any plans you are making. Give yourself the gift of having a safe place to go and be honest. You are going to need it.
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I have been dating a guy for 2 years. Throughout this time we have had our ops and downs and I have also found out he is a compulsive liar. A few months ago he started a new job at a restaurant and has been hanging out with some of his coworkers for drinks/pool on the weekends. One of his coworkers seems to have taken interest in him. I have his instagram login and she just recently asked to befriend him on there. Well after he accepts that, he deleted the pictures with me in them. I ask him about it and he claims he deleted more pictures (he didn't) and plans to delete his instagram (don't believe it). I believe he deleted my pictures so his coworker wouldn't see them. Just two days ago he tells me he is going to shoot some pool with "the guys from work". Come to find out, he went to a bar with this girl for her birthday. The fact that he lied about who he was with leads me to believe something is going on. I actually texted the other girl and she claims there is nothing going on between them and they're just coworkers but did apologize for the feelings she has for him. I want to believe her but my gut tells me otherwise. He has done this type of thing before (gone behind my back and seen other women). I want to end the relationship because I don't trust him and I feel dumb to stick around again. What would you do? We are 24/25 if that matters.
It seems possible that he isn't actually cheating this time. It seems possible, that even though this girl does have feelings for him, she is respectful of your relationship.
That is possible.
But you are right to be skeptical. He's cheated before, and he is still lying, rather than being honest with you. The deleting photos of you two togeather is seriously sketchy.
It might be time to consider if you can ever trust this guy. Maybe he isn't cheating - this time - but he also isn't being honest with you. You don't have to wait for him to do something truly awful before you are allowed to dump him.
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Hello, porn is wrecking my life. I am 24 and revert to it every few weeks or months for up to an hour - way too much. It makes me really depressed and I feel unstable mentally because of it. I don't want to pursue a relationship till I feel a bit more stable as I don't want to screw up anyone else's life. I guess the obvious answer is STOP DOING IT but it is like a drug that seems impossible to break! :(
What should I do?
Viewing porn once every few weeks or months is not the behavoir of an addict.
There is nothing wrong with viewing porn. It's not a sign of mental instability or poor health, or any sort of physical problem. It's a normal thing that most people do, most happy boyfriends, husbands, fathers and even grandfathers. Many men who are loving and respectful of the women in thier lives - also watch porn.
If you don't want to view porn, the best thing for you is to seek out a support group of people who feel like you do. If you want to avoid porn for religious reasons, there are many groups online for religious people to dicuss thier struggles to live in accordance with thier faith when it comes to porn.
If you want to stop viewing porn, and think that will make you happier or healthier, you should absolutely keep on trying. However, you should also stop being so hard on yourself. What you are doing isn't harmful to yourself or others. You are not mentally ill or unstable because you occassionaly watch porn. You are human.
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i thought i had feelings for this guy but hes getting clingy and now i dont think i like him as much... i feel like telling him that would make him think i lead him on.. maybe i did in a way, but i cant help how i feel. i care about this guy but maybe not enough for any kind of relationship.. i dont know what to do and i need advice.. i dont want to hurt him
You changed your mind. Human being do that, and you are allowed to do that.
It may hurt his feelings, but that doesn't mean you are wrong. Maybe he'll feel that you led him on - and he'll be wrong. You told him the truth when you liked him, and now you need to tell him the truth when you don't.
It's simple - even though it's hard to do.
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I have two questions, but I'm going to focus on one major question.
I am an 18 year old female and I live with my parents and my 5 other siblings. So that makes 8 people in the house. In the house I am the second oldest and first oldest female. I have a 20 year old brother.My other siblings are 15,12,12, and 4. I am currently in college at a community college that pay's everything for me, including books. I plan to transfer in 2016. Anyways whatever scholarships I receive I get cash back as long as it doesn't exceed $15,000 each year. This semester I got $4,500 cash back. I'm getting the same next semester. I was working and decided to leave my job because I have to maintain a 3.5 GPA. I want my first year's grades to be great so that I can get many scholarships when I transfer. I also planned a trip to New York as a gift to myself after completing my two years at community college. I will need $1,000 for that.
Now my issue is that my parent's don't know how to control their finances, and ask for large sums of money from me unexpectedly. I have no problem helping out my parents but it seems like they DO NOT want to learn how to fix their finances and live under their means. I would like things better if my parents asked me for a consistent monthly bill. Twice my savings has been depleted by them. They owed $5,000 to the land lord because of 4 months of not paying rent. My mom owes the nursing school that she's attending $3,000. I was saving my cash back money for summer classes that are not paid for by my scholarship, a cheap laptop to help me study, take care of any finances that are not covered when I transfer, help cover my monthly bus pass and monthly cell phone bill.
I borrowed my mom $4,000. She promised to start paying me back $250 each week but every time I ask she tells me to leave it alone. What angers me is the fact that my parents will go on spending sprees. They don't save up for a bill but instead just wait for a paycheck to come in. For instance my phone bill each month is $45. When I was working I'd take $10 3 times from each paycheck and I took out $15 from one paycheck. That way when it's time to pay the bill I don't have to take a large chunk of a paycheck. My parents have a lot of credit card debt. They've been behind on rent several times. I went to Old Navy the other day to get a few tops for the changing whether and sweaters for two of my sisters. My mother bought $100 worth of stuff. I was kind of mad, because she's spending money that she doesn't have. When she's in a rut she comes and ask's for money without trying to change her habits, and DOES NOT budget or try to. I tried helping her find coupons but she doesn't listen. My siblings needed uniform for school, and I had plan to buy it for them, but I had to give the money to her. Again I have no problem helping out my parents but their finances are terrible and they don't try to change it. My mother borrowed my brothers credit card when he was 18 and used it to pay rent many times. She promised to pay the credit card bills but rarely does, and my brother works two jobs now while attending school to pay the debt.
Whenever I buy something for myself like a $6 meal or some clothes that I liked my dad get's mad, and my mom ask's me why didn't I buy for my siblings too. It makes me resent them sometimes. In high school I could never dress in the styles I wanted. I had bad acne and my parents didn't want to pay for things to clear my acne. They kept saying that didn't have money. Yet my dad would keep buying things for his "new" business that has never started. So I started selling candy and doing papers to make money. My dad would take my money. My bank account went into overdraft because of him. Now I'm an adult. I've found ways to clear up my acne by buying stuff after I got a job. I borrowed him $100 and really needed it back to pay for an educational program for my 4 year old sister because they were too busy to sign her up for one. He swore up and down that he'd give me the money that same day, but after I gave him the money he didn't seem to care about getting the money. He got mad and threatened to punch me in my face. He then wrote a $100 check and threw it at me.
I want to be involved in school activities but I see that I can't. I've decided to start looking for another job since the seasons are coming up and rack up some money for my summer classes and just give my parents a monthly check. I also apply to multiple scholarships to get cash back money.
Now I feel like I can't tell my parents anything about my money. They don't try to handle their finances.They make it seem like I'm a bad person when I really can't afford to give them large sums of money. Growing up there was so much that I couldn't get because they didn't have the money, and that's ok. What I hate now is how they don't care to take care of their finances but expect me to bail them out when I don't have a stable job and I'm saving up to get my degree's in speech pathology/audiology without debt. I would be way more happier giving them between $200-$300 a month to help out instead of them randomly asking for $1,000.
Am I being a brat? Am I being greedy? Am i wrong for asking for the money back? I don't need it to go on a shopping spree, but I save it for the future just in case I don't get enough scholarships, or a job my first few months when I transfer to a different college. What should I do?
Nope. You are fine.
But I think you had an awesome idea: Pay them a monthly sum, call it rent or room and board.
You don't have too - of course - unless they ask, but I bet if you tell them "Hey, I want to help out, but I'm done loaning you money. Instead, I will give you X each month, and nothing more."
Then, do that, and give them nothing else but that monthly sum. You might feel stronger and better about saying no, if you can say "No. We agreed on the monthly sum. I budget to give you that amount each month. I cannot give you more. I the rest of my money is for my other financial responsibilities."
You might have to accept that the money you've already given them is just gone - and that really, really sucks - but from now on, if you only talk to them about money in terms of the monthly amount you have agreed to give them, and never speak of anything else, you might find you are able to achieve more peace inside yourself. They will still ask you, but what you need to do is find a place in yourself from which you can say no and be at peace.
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I think that my father is depressed, and I feel like he has anger management issues. I am 18 and I live under my parents roof. I have siblings that are 20, 15, 12, 12, and 4.
For the longest my dad has wanted to restart his own business. He wants to own an air conditioning businesses. he used to own a warehouse resale business. He would resell items in bulk. That was when I was a toddler. He lost his business and had to start taking up various jobs. He has said several times that he wishes we were born earlier so that he could be living his own life (He had us when he was 39 and up.) He has said that it's our fault that he can't start his own business. He has said it's our fault that he's in debt. I've suggested to him to find janitorial jobs and start a cleaning business but he ignores me. He is not savy with technology at all. he does not know how to send his own emails or use Microsoft word. He does not try to learn.
Ever since my brother and I got jobs and started making our own money he's gotten more angry. He get's mad when we call it our own money, yet growing up he'd always call his house his domain and say that we had to do whatever he wanted.
Growing up my dad treated my brother different than me. My brother could make many mistakes and my dad would do nothing. My brother has snuck out many times when in middles school, he crashed my mothers car, and took my parents money to pay for other things while lying and saying that it's for school. My dad paid for him to take a $300 summer class and he failed without care.
On the other hand I would get beat for talking to a friend after school. I had my phone taken away even though my brother ran up the cell phone bill. My dad tried to drown me in a sink full of water because I brushed my teeth in his restroom even though all the other restrooms were occupied. When I was under 18 he'd beat me with broom sticks and kick me for having a face book, yet do nothing to my brother. One night my brother and i went to a park. i was 15 and he was 16. I came after 8PM and my brother came 30 minutes later. My dad made me stand in a corner and he let my brother go do what he wanted to do.
Now that we're a bit older my brother isn't doing good. he's always dating someone new. he works two jobs. His GPA in college is a 2.4. He recently crashed into the front bumper of my dad's truck. My dad complains to me about what he doesn't like about my brother. personally I don't give two shits. I've told him many times that he allowed my brother to be the way it is. He refuses to get my brothers new cell phone number and he hasn't made my brother pay for the both times that he has caused damaged to the cars.
I feel like my father is depressed, but I really do not care. he has said many heartless mean things over the years. he still acts like a brat. He got mad when i told him that there is no paper towel in the house. he told me to clean my hands with my clothes. When i was working he would ALWAYS pick me up late from work. The house is a 5 minute drive from my job, and he would still be 30 minutes late.I tried to speak to him about it but he told me that he's slap me and told me to shut up. He barely does anything in the house but sit around and boss people around.
Am i wrong for not caring about my fathers depression and issues with my brother? I plan to leave in 2016 and transfer.
No. You aren't wrong to talk deep breath, and ignore your father's misplaced blame and anger.
You have your own life to worry about and you can't solve his mistakes or help him accept his situation. You are his kid, that isn't your job.
Try to have some sympathy for him - he's obviously very unhappy - but don't make that unhappiness your problem. You can't solve it for him.
Your only responsibility at this, besides to yourself, is to make sure your younger siblings are as safe and well-cared as you can. If you see him abuse your younger siblings, you should be prepared to intervene and report him to proper authorities. You are his kid, but you aren't a child anymore, and you have a responsibility to act to protect any minor children you know to be in danger of abuse.
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Before I start, please do not tell me about the safety of having sex (using condoms to prevent pregnancy, to prevent getting STDs, even if you're on birth control pills, etc.) I am aware of all of these things.
Let me say that my boyfriend and I do not use condoms. We did at first, but I have been on birth control for the past three years. We are also both STD free.
So, my situation is I went through my boyfriend's wallet trying to get a hint of what I should get him for his birthday. His wallet didn't have many things in it and I found a condom. I got to thinking, if we don't usually use condoms, why would he carry one around with him? I thought maybe he forgot about it before he met me or he wanted to be safe just in case? But just in case what? Just in case another girl comes along that he wants to sleep with doesn't give me much of a reassurance.
I just want to understand why or the possibility of him having it would do. I know that if I got him a new wallet, he'll put another condom in it, too. I'm curious on what the purpose may be. Am I thinking too much into it? Should I even be worried about this?
A lot of guys are told - at some point in their late teens - that they should 'always be prepared' and carry a condom in their wallet. If it's just the one, he probably got it at a some sort of sex-positive place like a residence or student program, or even doctors office.
I doubt this is something to panic about. By all means ask him, but I'd bet there is a perfectly innocent explanation for it being there, even if that explanation is just that it's a really stupid habit of his. Hell, I'd even put money on it having been there for years.
Frankly, the more important thing to tell him, and a way to begin this conversation, is how UTTERLY UNSAFE A CONDOM THAT HAS BEEN STORED IN A WALLET IS TO USE. Condoms should never be bent or pressed, they should never be exposed to extreme heat or cold, they should be kept flat, at room temperature, and thrown out after their expiry date.
Although guys are often told to carry condoms in their wallet, that's horrifically bad advice! A condom carried in that way is almost definitely going to break. What he is preparing himself for, in this way, is a real scare. That condom should be thrown out, and he never store a condom like that ever again. It's a really, really dumb thing to do.
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I'm the owner of Sin City Escorts Las Vegas. You can view our girls at http://www.escortslasvegasnv.com.
I've been wondering how many people that are not in the adult industry view this as a bad thing. Some of my girls have complained before about not always wanting to work as an escort because of some of the clients. Girls are always free do go as they please so it isn't anything like that. I would like to know how people view Las Vegas escorts and the adult industry?
Advertising adult services is not an appropriate use of this site.
Where prostitution is illegal - like it in Clark County Las Vegas - sex work isn't safe. Escorts might not like to be called sex workers, but that doesn't mean they don't understand exactly what is happening when someone pays a $1000 for an 'over night package'. There are certainly people who exist who will spend that amount of money on a sleepover and a cuddle with a pretty lady, but it's not the majority of your clientele, and you know it.
They know what they are doing, and so do you. Fuck you to hell and back for saying "It's not anything like that." It is EXACTLY like that. Your clients know what they are buying, your workers know what they are selling, and everyone knows what is expected.
You are selling sex, and you are selling sex in a place where selling sex is illegal. The only reason you don't admit you are selling sex, is because it's illegal. That means these women have no legal protections, and that what they are doing is extremely dangerous and leaves them far too often at the mercy of men who buy a woman's time and think that means they own her body.
Of course some clients can be problems - really dangerous problems - for your 'girls'. (Try calling them women, or employees if you want to even pretend to be anything other than a lowlife pimp). Your clients know they can get away with behaving badly, even criminally, with their 'escorts' because prostitution is illegal, and the women cannot seek the protections they deserve from the law when they are in that line of work.
Don't pretend to be an idiot just because it's convenient for you. I happen to believe that prostitution should be legal. These women would be safer if it was, and dumbasses like you wouldn't find it so easy to make a buck off of your 'girls' while lying to yourself about "it isn't anything like that."
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I'll try to make this quick. Back in August, I started seeing a guy called RW. I thought he was great at first, but then he turned out to be not so nice. At least that's how I feel. I feel like there's a lot I'd like you to know about RW, but all you really need to know is that I wasn't very happy most of the time I was seeing him. I felt a lot better when I started thinking about breaking it off in September.
Long story short, in September, two guys from my past came back into my life. Their names are Robert and Jude and I've had crushes on them both (Robert in 2010 and 2011 and Jude in 2011). I started seeing them both a little over three weeks ago and simultaneously broke it off with RW.
They both have so many qualities that I just adore. They're both extremely handsome, sweet, good hearted guys that make me feel so good and happy when I'm with them. Jude is so charming I could cry and Robert is so funny and so sweet I can't stand it. They both have a lot of the same qualities I thought RW did, but theirs kindness, sweetness, charm, good looks, and senses of humor are much more my style.
I know it's kind of skeezy to see two guys at the same time, but I was trying to decide between them and now, I'm pretty sure it's gonna be Robert. Now we get to my problem. RW will not go away. I was hoping that the break up would be the end of things, but he keeps showing up everywhere. He showed up at an art walk we went to, a he showed up Saturday when I went to a movie with Robert, he showed up yesterday uninvited to a friend's birthday celebration. He Won't go away. He's not letting go of our relationship.
RW has problems that I didn't know the severity of back in August. He has some kind of mental disorder and a bad drinking issue. He's not above using violence (or at least he doesn't seem to be) and I'm a little worried about what he's capable of. I don't think he'd physically hurt Robert or Jude, but it wouldn't be the first time he'd hurt someone. He can do nothing to me because I've got tons of men in my family and group of friends who'd kick his @$$.
What should I do? I need this guy out of my life and away from me Robert and Jude.
Well, RW is a human being who allowed to be places like public art walks and movie theatres. Unfortunately, you cannot make him stop existing.
If you are concerned that he is actively following you - or if he has expressed to you that he intends to stalk you or has threatened other people you date - then you should discuss that with the police - on a non-emergency phone line - and ask them what the appropriate thing to do is if RW shows up at a public place, and under what circumstances you can get the police involved.
You don't really tell us why you think RW isn't letting go of the relationship. The way you describe it, it just sounds like he's showing up. I understand that is uncomfortable for you, but it's likely not criminal. If he shows up a private party he is not invited too, it's up to host to ask him to leave. If he shows up in a public place, that is when you want to have spoken to the police so you know under what circumstances you can report him.
You, and Robert, might both want to talk some precautions like making sure you aren't posting your whereabouts all over social media (which you really shouldn't be doing anyways, it's not ever safe to do that.) This is a good time as any to double check your privacy settings, and take a special care of what information you give away online.
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My favorite teacher thinks I have an unhealthy obsession with her.She wants to detached me from all her contacts.I am traumatized. wt can I do?
She is an ex faculty member of my university. Now she lives in Australia. I love her personality. She is so nice, and funny and smart. She is my role model. I often talked with her. She blocks me from her Facebook when she understands I am obsessed with her. Many of students are connected with her in Facebook. Almost all my friends, classmates, big bros and sisters are connected with her but I have lost her for my immature behavior. I am very upset now. She wants me to not contact her. I have sent her a lot of email but she is not answering them. Somehow I managed her phone number. when I phoned her then she threats me to not contact her again otherwise she will take action against me. I cried a lot and tried to convince her that I will maintain distance with her like her other students but she is reluctant to trust me. I am shocked at her changed behavior with me. Now this incident is hampering my normal life. I cannot forget her. I cannot concentrate on my study and other regular works. Now I am in depression and traumatized. Almost all the time I am feeling very upset and crying a lot. I want to get her back in my Facebook again like other students. Even I want to go to Australia to make her convince but I am helpless. What can I do? I don't want to lose any contact from her. May be she blocked my email too.I don’t want to forget her. I want to keep contact with her. I want her back in my Facebook again.Please someone advise me what should I do to solve this problem? If she gives me a last chance I will maintain a regular distance with her like her others students. But she is not believing me. And she thinks I am obsessed with her and any kind of obsession is harmful for health. But I tried to make believe that I am no more obsessed with her and I will maintain a regular distance with her. But she is not believing me.
When someone asks you to stop contacting them, you must stop. To do otherwise is a crime. It's harassment. You must respect her wishes, and leave her completely alone.
Sometimes we make mistakes that cannot be fixed. You cannot fix what you've done. The only thing you can do, is start to behave properly now, and behaving properly now means leaving her alone completely.
She is allowed to not believe you when you say you will behave yourself, because you are NOT behaving yourself right now. Right now, behaving yourself would be respecting her wishes and not contacting her anymore.
If you are unhappy, or struggling with this, then you need to talk to a therapist about your behaviour and your obsession. It is not this teachers fault, or problem. She owes you nothing, and you owe her respect.
Respect means not having any contact with her. There is no excuse, no other way to behave properly. Stop all contact. Stop requesting contact. Stop seeking contact. If you are in pain about this, seek therapy.
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The fact that you consider marital love all-inclusive while 'lust' isn't part of that equation, you are raising another question: Can marriages really be loving without sex? For some people, it's not. I'd like to amend my earlier statement in that case. I think that there comes a point when a person (or two people who are unfaithful to their spouses) must realize that they have fallen out of love and that the sex that is missing demonstrates it. Having said that, I don't think that extramarital affairs indicate sexual desire only. I believe that one must come to terms with the fact that monogamy is not for everyone, and it is possible to love two people. Why must one 'lose' and the other 'win'? The guilt that comes from affairs is self-imposed, and it's based on the illusion that we are evil for fulfilling our deepest desires at the so-called expense of another. I think that people should be honest about their love for one another, and if that means that a spouse retaliates by filing for divorce, then so be it.
Filing for divorce is not necessarily a retaliation, and it says a lot about your personal state of mind that you seem to believe that a person should be honest about thier desire and love for someone outside of thier marriage (and thier choice to act on that feelings) but you fail to recognize that divorce is also a honest choice and statement about what a person wants and feels is correct for them.
Stop being an armchair philosopher. All marriages are unique. There is no one acceptable way to express love, or to experience love. You think are being progressive and pushing boundaries, but all you are doing is putting up a different kind of wall when you sit back and try to determine who loves who on the basis of sex, and what sort of marriages will make people happy. You are not an expert on other people's live. Focus your attention on putting your own life in order, and respecting the choices made by others without looking down on them.
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Okay, so I was really freaking bored and stupid and came across something called "MK Ultra" and things about mind control. I researched about it and it's really scaring me. Like, seriously. I'm still confused about it all, but what if I get it or I have it? 2 million of Americans were victims. I'm so terrified. I have really bad anxiety and depersonalization, causing me to get scared over this and think I'm being controlled by somsone. What are symptoms? What happens?! I'm so terrified.
MKUltra was a real thing. It was a real program run by the CIA - and we actually know quite a bit about it because of the files that have been declassified and because all of the actual work was contracted out to people and institutions (like prisons and universities and independent doctors/researchers) and many of those people have came forward to talk about what it was.
It also ended in 1973. Likely, before you were born.
MKUltra was a HORRIBLE thing that the US government never should have funded or allowed. The research that was funded through it was categorically criminal and utterly immoral. It broke a bunch of laws, including the way the CIA destroyed files about it, and failed to follow proper consent laws so patients were not clearly informed about what they were participating in and why. People died, or were left with life-long disabilities, because of the horrible practice and 'research' funded by the CIA through that program.
Because it was such an obvious and awful thing, and because the CIA destroyed documents, it is a favourite of conspiracy theorists - but that program is over, and it did not affect 2 million Americans. That just nonsense. There were about 50 institutions (universities, prisons, research foundations) involved and many of them ran researches projects with less than 100 people. Because some documentation was destroyed, we'll never know for sure how many people were involved in research that was funded by the CIA through that program (it was so badly managed it's probable that the CIA never knew exactly how many people were being effected) but it was obviously nowhere near 2 million. We know how much they spent, and they didn't spend anywhere near enough money to have done research on 2 million people.
It's also important to remember that back then - in the 1950s and 1970s - this sort of research was new and the CIA wasn't the only place where people were doing it in utterly immoral ways. The idea of patient consent, especially when those patients were criminals or mentally ill, was a new concept. There were many, horrible medical practices when it came to drugs and mental health at the time.
Just because something horrible happened, does not mean it happens today. In fact, MKULTRA produced very little usable research because of how badly managed it was and frankly - because mind control and hypnosis just don't work the way they CIA wished they did! It's just not possible to control a person's mind the precise way they wanted too for espionage. Not a thing that can happen. Human beings are way more complicated - and way more functional - than the CIA wished they were. Minds just don't work like that. The idea that they would is laughable to todays scientific community.
Does the CIA probably still do some bad stuff? Yeah. They probably do.
Are you being affected by MKULTRA programs? Absolutely, 100% no. You are not.
If you are not already talking to a therapist or doctor about your anxiety, you should. Falling into internet bizzaroland is never going to be helpful for you. The internet is full of crazy people who like to scare you and spin fantasy stories.
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When you adopt a puppy do you have to fill out any legal papers or go to court over it? I want to adopt a puppy but my parents wouldn't go to court for it. :(
No. Animals are basically properly. You don't adopt one the way you'd adopt a child - you purchase or are given one.
Some adoption agencies require you to fill out some paperwork, or have a home visiting, but there shouldn't be anything to do with a judge or a court.
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Can you do video showing me how to bleach my hair using household bleach ?
If you can access YouTube, you'll find hundreds of videos.
But I'm not going to link you to them, because dying your hair with household bleach is an awful idea. Awful for your hair, Awful for your health.
Household bleach is not safe for use on your hair. It not designed to be safe. It's also not meant to work correctly in that way. Even if you can avoid the medical emergency that is entirely possible from mishandling bleach - everyone's hair is still very different! There is no way to know how much to use, or what colour you'll end up with. It's very easy to kill the hair so utterly that it falls out, or burn chunks of it right off.
So even if you don't end up in the ER, and if you don't destroy your hair and skin (and that you definitely will) you still can't control the colour you'll end up with, you'll still be damaging your hair very badly so that other proper hair dyes wont work on it, and the lightening will look spotty and inconsistent.
Please buy some proper product from a drug store at least. The best way, of course, is to have this done by a professional who understands hair and the chemistry and can mix the chemicals up precisely for your hair and what you want to achieve.
If you wont or can't do that, at least buy a proper hair bleaching kit from a drug store. I promise you, you'll regret using household bleach.
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Right so Ive dated and everything, but I've never fallen hard enough until now to really get jealous in my relationship. My boyfriend always "likes" this girls pictures on facebook and instagram. I trust him, and he's the type that tends to go "like-crazy" in general. But I"m insecure/self conscious and its really messing with me.
Is that normal or am I just being a crazy gf? & is there any way I could kind of bring it up to him withoutt sounding controlling or overly jealous?
It might be common enough, but it's not rational to assume or accuse your boyfriend of doing something wrong for 'liking' photos of other people online.
That isn't justified. It's actually quite disrespectful. Being insecure sucks, but it doesn't make it okay for you to be mean to him and treat him like he is doing something wrong when he isn't. If you can't control your own emotions about him hitting like on photos - especially if you otherwise trust him and know that is how he engages with social media - then you are the one who should log off and take a deep breath. It doesn't sound like he has a social media problem. It sounds like you do.
If you want to talk him about this, talk to him not about his behaviour - which is fine - but admit your problem, and promise to try and be more respectful despite your insecurities.
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This is siva from india ,age:22.i have a doubt regarding masturbation, i masturbate daily more than twice is that make any problem in me, like STD or any hormone problem . i am trying to stop it but unable to do it.. how to stop it, and tel me is that make any problem in me after marriage.? is it give a gene problem to my child ? please help me out..
Masturbation will NOT cause hormone problems or illness. It cannot cause STDs - that is impossible.
Masturbation will NOT effect your sperm, your ability to have children, or your children's genes. That is all impossible.
Masturbation doesn't harm your body or your mind.
Too much masturbation can have negative effects on a marriage if it takes away from the shared sex life, or if one member of the couple dislikes masturbation.
As long as you aren not hurting yourself, or in any pain, then your masturbation habit is harmless.
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I am 18 years and I am in a relationship with a guy for about two years, we love each other a lot . but he yearns for my virginity . but I want to wait but he can't , should I save it ? or its gonna be really wrong?
It's your body. The only person who can decide what is right or wrong for it is you.
If you want to wait for marriage, then you should do that. If your boyfriend really wants a relationship that includes sex, he might need to be in a relationship with someone other than you.
Sometimes a person we love isn't the right fit for us. It doesn't make either of you bad or wrong, but if you have a fundamental disagreement about what sort of relationship you want to have then there isn't always a compromise that can work. He is not wrong or bad for wanting to have a sexual relationship, and you aren't wrong or bad for wanting to wait, but you might be wrong for each other.
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I have had rats in the past growing up, my last rat was solitaire, I never got another because my mother had a problem with just one being in the house; however I spent much much time with her. And she lived 5 years and passed when I turned 18. I am now 21 and last Monday went out to the city and saw a few baby rats. The litter was abouy 7 weeks the lady told me. And I looked at the babies and fell in love with two adorable little girls, I brought them home with me. (Over the past month I had Gotten a tank with everything needed, since I was expecting on getting either mice or a pair of rats.) While they grow enough to be put in a cage I have them in a 25 Gallon tank with igloo, waterbottle, food bowl, bedding and some chewblocks and pieces of soft fabric and soft paper towel for them to tare and nest with.
I have picked them up for short amounts of time and whisper to them since when I speak out normally they tend to skitter and hide...I call them each by name as they settle a bit in my hand. I will pet them softly on their neck and by their ears and one took my finger and tasted it...or maybe tried grooming me? I'm not sure, but anyways they come up now when I come over to the tank. They peek out and look around when I am talking about on the phone or with a friend in my room, and when I move over they are slowly adapting to me speaking out, my voice is loud and gruff..anyways
Now whenever I stick my hand in they run up to me and start searching for food, since I have been feeding them periodically by hand and then watch them a bit and talk to them, once they come out after they are done eating I hold each of the at a time for a couple of minutes then place them back in.
But recently as of 2days ago, whenever I go and stick my hand in they grab at my fingers and nip kind of hard...I don't bleed but it does hurt and I don't mind it much since I figure they are being lil butts and want more treats. But will this go away? I haven't had a rat in so long and the others I had gotten were a couple of months old and not baby babies as these are.
Also what else can I do to tame them, and get them to recognize it isn't ok to bite hard?
Thanks in advance to everyone who helps! (:
You need to make some sort of noise, a yelp or a squeal, and pull your hand back when they bite too hard. At their age, they are probably experimenting with playing. They need to learn that isn't how they play with you even if they is how the like to play with one another. A squeal and pulling away is how they teach each other what is too rough, and you'll need to do the same.
You never want to punish a rat. They don't understand the concept and it only makes them distrust you. So just leave them alone for a minute or two if they bite too hard.
Also, if you feed them from your hands, do not hold the food between your fingers and offer to to them. Put the food in your palm and let them climb on your hand to get it. That will teach them not to nip at your fingertips for food, but to gently approach your hands for their treats.
You also want to make sure they don't have too many places where they can hide completely from you. They need some coverage to feel safe, but if you give them completely closed places to hide, they might bite to protect their den. Making sure their cage is relatively open when they are young can help make them more amenable to being handled at all times.
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I'm a 14 year old girl so obviously I'm old enough that I know a good amount of curse words (though I generally don't use them of course) and about sex and everything (I don't have sex of course) from health class. My parents think that I'm so innocent though and they try to shelter me! I learned a lot from health class, friends, and experience but they think that I don't know anything. I haven't even gotten "the talk" yet and learned to take care of my period myself. I just feel like they don't know me.
Do you know yourself yet?
I mean, things are changing so fast and you are learning so much each year, you have to give your family a bit of a pass on not being able to keep up. It's hard work to recognize a young person who is changing every day, every week and every month.
Becoming your own person does mean having things going on in your head that you don't necessarily share with everyone else. That is part of being an adult and a full fledged human being. But if you want your family to know you better, the only way you can do that is by talking to them and telling them what's on your mind.
Which will be hard. Because they may not be ready to let go on the idea they have of you in their own heads. But still, the only person who can challenge and evolve how they see you, is you.
You are probably right. There are lots of ways in which they know you better than you'll ever know yourself - and there are lots of ways in which they are utterly clueless. If you want them to know who you are today, you have to let them, and keep letting them as you learn and change.
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Ok, I am not talking about beating him up or whatever. He is so strict. My boyfriend gets punished by getting the belt on his butt. Has to take off his pants and boxers and lay on his bed so his dad can hit him with the belt. My boyfriend thinks its ok for his dad to do this and even that it only happens when he deserves it. I want him to tell someone at school but he wont. Should I tell someone or how do I get my boyfriend to agree??
Unfortunately, in the United States spanking, or hitting a child with a paddle, a belt or a switch, is not enough to constitute child abuse. In most other first world countries, this behaviour is not tolerated, but in the US parents are allowed to behave violently towards their children and call it 'discipline'.
it's wrong. It's immoral. It's bad parenting and it's not an effective way to teach children anything, at all. But it is legal.
If your boyfriend does not want to report it, and otherwise feels safe in his home, there is little that any other adult can do to stop his father. To get the law involved in a case like this, there needs to be evidence that a parent used 'unreasonable force' (which usually mean major bruises, bleeding, permanent damage or at least enough damage to require medical attention) and sometimes the child also has to express they feel fearful of the parent.
It sucks. But the best thing you can do is just be supportive of your boyfriend and how he chooses to handle this. The law can't probably can't help him unless the beatings are extremely severe. If he is ready to look for help, his best support might come from adults who can speak to his father about better ways to parent, like a pastor or priest, or another family member.
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