Razhie


"This is the true joy in life - being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances." --George Bernard Shaw

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My official name is Manda, but I've been Razhie for almost as long. I'm a 28 year old woman who didn't use to be half as confident or brazen as she is now.

My advice is pretty good, not always perfect and rarely censored.

I can read what is written. I cannot read your mind.


Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.

Favourite Collumnists. (WittyUsernameHere.) (karenR.) (NinjaNeer.) (rainbowcherrie.) (DangerNerd.)


    The Question
    Well me and my husband got into an argument over him telling his sister that I don't do anything and don't want to go anywhere. Well then he says at least you've got some one to vent to.(talking about me to his sister). After she left he said it wasn't fair that he can't vent/ talk shit about me. So I said you have friends. And he was like I don't want to talk to guys about it. He said he wants to hit up one of his exs so that he can complain about me to her. I said no and he practically begs to talk to them. Just girls and he has either had sex or sex acts with them am I wrong for telling him no?

    The Answer
    I'm all for people being friends with their exes - when it's a healthy, mutual friendship, but that is NOT what your husband seems to be asking for.

    He's asking to make contact with women he used to sleep with so he can complain you. And that not okay. It's not respectful of you, or of those other women! He is basically suggesting using them, without them really knowing what is going on. That is really mean-spirited. If they aren't his friends anymore than they don't care about his problems with his wife - and if they do, that's a bit of a red flag.

    Everyone needs friends and confidants, but he should not need those friends and confidents to be his exes! He needs to make healthy connections with people, maybe family, or maybe new friends, but going back to his exes only for the purpose of having someone he can bitch about his wife too? That's not okay.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    OK so my husband has a mixture dog 2 years old he pees every where I sat. Where I sleep and blanket/ pillows. My purse my clothes. He has even walked into our bathroom while I was on the toilet (we don't have a door on our bathroom yet fixing walls ext) and he lifted his light and pissed on my leg and pants! This is the second time he has peed on me. At first I thought it was because of the new puppy and he is not neutered. But why my stuff where I sit? I don't punish him I give him love and attention. Give him treats when he goes out. But that has stopped recently he pees everywhere and when he goes out he won't get off the steps refuses to pee/ poop then when we are tired of waiting he sneaks off to pee.FRUSTRATING! Now on to my new pup she is female and potty pad trained. well to a point if the male pees on her pad she won't use it she won't pee anywhere he has. She is getting into everything! Shoes toilet paper cords! She got into my husbands wallet and pulled cards out and tore them up. She put a football size hole in our couch. Chews on my husbands chair. She even bites chunks out of our walls. Sounds like I'm talking about a big dog right? She is a chiweenie four months old and the runt. The hole in the couch is bigger then her. What do I do with them? We put our stuff up she climbs on shelves. Put four gates up she chews or fights through it. Chew toys got them she eats them. Water bottle works but we have to devote all hours of the day to both or there is a mess! PLEASE HELP!!

    The Answer
    You need to get the male neutered ASAP. That will likely help, but you still have a hard road ahead of you.

    He's marking. He is using his urine to mark things that are 'his' (including you) and he could also be using this to express dominance over the new puppy, as well as the people in the house.

    If your new puppy is truly a puppy, then well, that is what they do. You need to invest serious time into supervising and training a new puppy so they don't turn destructive.

    Your best bet is to talk to a professional dog trainer at this point, and to get that boys balls cut off. There are some things you can certainly do that might help - proper crate training would help to control both the marking young adult and the destructive puppy, and so might umbilical training.

    It's going to take a hell of a lot of time no matter what. For a while, it will be 'all hours'. You've got one adult dog with a serious behavioural issue, and one untrained puppy. But talking to a trainer will mean you are using all that time effectively, rather than just experimenting, getting frustrated and giving up.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    My husband loves anime. He gets attached to the female characters. Also I recently found he has been watching one where a boy is in love with his stepsisters. He has a big list of exes. Which in one case had sex with his stepsister. I don't care I think its just as sick as your blood. And he gets mad at me when we discuss ever having kids. Well his favorite anime is naruto. He is in love with the two female characters Sakura and Hinata. Not being too open but has masterbated to both. But the case in which I mentioned children he is dead set on naming if we would have a daughter to name her after them. I personally think it's messed up please help and give me advice I need it.

    The Answer
    EDIT IN RESPONSE TO FEEDBACK.

    It's okay that you don't like my advice, but when you delete your question all you are doing is robbing yourself of anyone else's advice!

    I only responded to what you wrote about your husband. I didn't make anything up, or make any extra assumptions. You are the one who said his behaviour is 'messed up' and called him sick. You said he has an extreme and sexual fixation when these TV shows, that he doesn't want kids and that he talks about his obsession with these TV shows in relations to his possible daughters. You said that these things make you really uncomfortable and concerned.

    I'm not a crazy or mean person for asking the obvious question - Why is this a person you want to co-parent with? Because EVERYTHING you wrote down, says he's not the guy for you or your idea of a good potential father.

    I'm not trying to make you feel guilty and I'm not being any more negative than you were, in your own question. All I am asking is why do you think this is a good marriage to be in? Because all you have given us here are a bunch of really big, serious reasons that it is not.

    /EDIT

    Do you want to be with this person?
    Do you want him to be the father of your children?

    Lots of people have fandoms and fantasies - by themselves those aren't evil things - but it sounds like you are not at all comfortable with the importance he places on these things in his life, or his sexual engagement with them. That is totally valid. Maybe there is some woman out there who'd be down with that, but it's not you, and it's wouldn't be me either.

    So you think it's messed up? Okay. What are you going to do about that? Are you going to move ahead and try to have children with someone who makes you so uncomfortable and whose judgement you have so little respect for? That's a horrible idea!

    If he is not open to changing his behaviour, then you need to change yours, and that change might need to be divorce. You can't force someone to change. You can only walk away.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Puppies need shots I read on here but what is the schedule for getting your puppy her shots? Is it the same as it is with people babies vaccinations? Thank you!

    The Answer
    It's a bit similar to childhood vaccines. Some your puppy will need each year, and some they will only get once in their life.

    Your vet is the one who can best tell you which vaccines your puppy needs and on what timeline. Most areas require some vaccines like the rabies and parvo vaccines, those are illnesses that are seriously dangerous to your puppy and could even cause death, so you should get those vaccines just as soon as your vet allows it (usually between 8-12 weeks) but there are also other vaccines might just be recommended for your area.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    This is something we will actually need! Soccer and jump rope may be fun, but defense is important. We could be threatened on the street, challenged,etc. Us girls need it the most. We are in risk of rape, domestic violence,etc. In gym boys do wrestling for a unit while girls do yoga. I have 3 arguments against that
    1. Downward dog isn't gonna protect you from sexual harassment.
    2. Girls need to know how to fight more whether society likes it or not, since we can't rely on natural strength
    3. It won't even help boys defend themselves because say they are being jumped, by 3 or more guys 1 on 1 combat will be useless and you'll need to do more then to hold them down for 3 seconds to be able to get away and alert the cops
    They need to be talking to us about the dangers of the real world and how to defend ourselves, it's not gonna be inappropriate, it'll be useful and it won't disturb/scare. And even if it does, we'll be glad we learned it when we still have our hard earned money, or not have AIDS, and we'll skip a lot of much more traumatizing experiences.

    The Answer
    Actually, self defense classes that focus on training you to be physically violent have been shown to be very harmful. They give people a false sense of security and don't actaully make them more capable of handling violent attacks. The bravado and false empowerment of those sorts of physical training actually gets people hurt more often, and more badly hurt.

    The better technique is to teach young people, men and women, to avoid situations as best as they can, to defuse risky encounters, and how to look for support or safety when they sense danger.

    Since most victims of violence (especially in the case if young women) are attacked by intimate partners, in their own homes, teaching young people about healthy relationships and to recognize abusive situations in the early stages actually does way more to keep people safe and healthy, then trying to teach them 'self defense' moves that really, really don't work well unless you are exceptionally well trained and practice regularly.

    Meeting violence with violence is almost never the best way to keep yourself safe.. There are no magical skills or moves that can make up for a 50 to 100 lb weight difference, or change the odds of 3 on 1 fight. We do not live in the movies. When we act like we do, reality kicks our ass. Self defense classes are a kind of fantasy wish-fulfillment. They are not real skills that can actually help people avoid violence. The skills that can actually help a person avoid violence are recognizing the risks and minimizing them as much as possible and responding appropriately before violence happens.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I'm planning on starting college soon and I have to get extra on my student loan, so I can afford fuel to get back and forth. I'm wondering if it might be worth it to get a larger amount and use it to move out of my parents house before I graduate. I'm talking about 20k extra, so that I can buy furnishings and essentials for the apartment as well as have a little cushion afterwards.
    Now as young as I sound right now, I'm actually in my 20s, so I have been weighing the pros and cons, but I'd really like an outsiders opinion.
    Right now all I have is my boyfriends and he just told me he'd support me no matter what I decide to do. We will not be living together for another couple years, because he is overseas.
    Health issues, family issues, and personal issues have kept me from going to school and moving out up until now, so I'm very antsy, and very ready, to move out and on my own. Thanks for your advice! :)

    The Answer
    Just make sure you CAN get your loan to cover expenses like fuel and furniture. Not all student loan programs will allow that.

    Is it a good idea? That's a highly personal question. Most people will spend at least 10 years after they leave college paying off those loans. That $20,000 now, could easily end up costing you $30,000 by the time you've actually paid it off, and that's an optimistic assumption. For some people, those loans end up costing them much, much more, and that is on top of whatever other loans you absolutely need to pay tuition.

    I would say that if you are capable of succeeding at school, while living at home, do that. As ready as you certainly are to move out - if living at home isn't going to make it impossible to do your school work - then I'd live at home. The only situation in which I'd recommend you move out and take on more debt, would be if you felt that living at home would sabotage or waste your chance at an education. Otherwise, in the long run, less debt is better.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Hi, I have a gross question. Your partner have a fetish for feces or craping on the penis. Then when sex is thought about, you don't want to have sex cause you have to poop. When your partner then enters slightly and you give up and continuously saying no, but he continues to keep going and pin you down. Is that called date rape or sex? Also if you having to poop and it's right there and he eject or (cum) inside of you and you don't know do he have anything. Afterwards you rush to have a BM (Bowel Movement), does that mean your feces caught the cum? cause he was literally pumping into feces. When you go and have a (BM), did you poop the sperm out? And if partner (positive) , cause of (BM) you don't have it cause it didn't get anywhere?

    The Answer
    That is rape. If you say no (or if you are in a position where it is not possible for you to say yes) and someone forces you to have sex - that is rape.

    It's very, very, very unlikely you can get pregnant for anal sex. Any sperm that doesn't leak out right away, will just be pushed out during future bowel movements.

    You were raped. You should report this crime.
    You should also get an STI check, since this person has proven themselves to be a disrespectful and cruel rapist, and there is a higher likelihood of STI transmission during anal sex. This is not a person you should trust if they say they are clean.

    Please, take care of yourself and stay safe. Stay away from this person. They raped you and are awful. It's fine to have a fetish, but forcing someone else is never okay.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Last week to work I wore a shirt with a native chief on it and my friend got pissed off saying it's cultural appropriation. My reply was that I am part native, a whole side of my family is native, I happen to be a 1/4 with a status card. I also have many handmade native ceramic pieces around my house. Now my question is, is this considered to be cultural appropriation? I'm part native, I didn't wear a headdress or a symbol/clothing item that you have to earn, I just loved the shirt and love my native side.

    The Answer
    It's not really cultural appropriation. Not because you have native ancestry - that doesn't matter so much. It's not cultural appropriation because portraits do not have a special cultural or religious importance that is unique to Native American traditions or beliefs (at least, not to my knowledge.)

    Having said that, it's likely much of what your 'chief' was wearing did have cultural importance. It's also likely that the image you were wearing wasn't an accurate historical reference, but a modern artist's interpretation - likely a poor interpretation - of what a generic Native American 'chief' should look like. If that is the case - and I've seen a whole bunch of t-shirts with images like that - then that image is definitely problematic because it ends up reinforcing stereotypes and misconceptions, not reflecting a real or respectful portrait of any actual person living or dead. A poorly informed fantasy or magical representation of an actual culture, is probably not an ideal representation to embrace, even if you don't want to call it appropriation.

    Even if your t-shirt was a image of an actual historical person, that's still not always the best thing to wear. Like wearing images of Che Guevara or Dalai Lama, the image might mean one thing to you, but there is a lot of history and information loaded into those sorts of recognizable faces. You can't escape the history or other's people's opinions of those histories just because those aren't the bits that you care most about.

    Your friend is ass, and shouldn't have been a jerk throwing around words like offensive or appropriation, but that doesn't mean the shirt in question is a great idea or a respectful way to engage with a culture - even one you identify with.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    My ex and I dated for a year we later broke up in a very weird way and there wasn't much closure. I got over it and dated others. Long story short I get a texted a year and some months later asking me how I have been and if there was anything new going on in my life. We texted on and off for a bit and I agreed to see him, we both ended up cancelling but he texted me again later to hang out and I was busy at work. He told me to text him whenever I was free and that we would hang out and catch up. I texted him back to say that I forget and to text me next time. It's been a month and no text? I am not interested in a romantic relationship anymore but this behavior confuses me?

    The Answer
    Sometimes what we call 'mixed signals' is really just a normal human being changing thier mind.

    Whatever moment, or desire he had to speak to you - it passed. If you aren't interested in him, why worry about it? If you still really want to be his friend for some reason, then just reach out yourself.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    My question is that is being quite a form of rude ignorance. This cousin of mine have been nothing but silent ever since we moved in together. She rarely expresses her opinion and completely ignores my existence. We have been staying together for more than 1year but we speak on formal terms. Do you think she just dislikes me or is it really embedded in her behaviour? I don't expect her to become instantly talkative but wish to see her atleast put some effort in talking to me. What should I do to not get affected by this?

    The Answer
    Why are you living with her if you don't like her?

    Look, it's been a year. Chances are she isn't holding a grudge, because most people can't live a year without blowing up and explaining why they are angry. It's far more likely that she is just the silent type, and is perfectly happy having a roommate and a cousin, who she doesn't really speak to at all.

    I've had many roommates. Some of them just would rather pretend like they are living alone. It's normal.

    So, suck it up. Look for friendship elsewhere, or, if this really getting under your skin, look for another place to live. Unless she tells you there is a problem, pay her the respect of assuming there is not.
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    The Question
    I am 24 years old. My father has done everything he can to provide for my family and myself and he has definitely succeeded. We have not had a good relationship since I was in middle school maybe 12/13 years old. Nothing he did just never really bonded or gave him the time of day I suppose. I know this hurts him. Fast forward to present day, I have been dating a sweet boy for almost 2 years. He has tattoos and because of this my dad refused to meet him in the beginning. A few months into the relationship, he asked me if we were sleeping together and I replied honestly that we were. This pretty much ruined whatever little bit of relationship I had with my dad, he said he was ashamed and no longer had respect for me and not to mention even more refusal to ever meet my boyfriend. For the past 2 years we have had several arguments over my boyfriend. Yesterday, my dad told me to end the relationship (we had a previous fight about egg donation, i signed up my dad wasn't happy with it and said my boyfriend has no respect for supporting my decision to possibly donate eggs) and if I didn't he would disown me. So I broke up with my boyfriend right after that conversation. I feel this was the wrong decision for several reasons:
    1. I still love him
    2. The relationship is succeeding
    3. Boyfriend had no say of our outcome
    4. My father made the decision
    5. This was also said out of anger
    6. Dad still has not met boyfriend
    So I suppose what I am seeking advice for is what I can do in a situation like this. He pays for my school (I am in my last year for my BA) and I still live at home. I am hoping to move out within the next year but would like to do so peacefully and mutually. Was I wrong for ending things with my boyfriend because it's what my dad wanted? I am so torn, I don't want to lose my dad but I also don't want to lose this relationship especially on these terms. I feel my dad is manipulating me, help!!

    The Answer
    Your dad is manipulating you. Overtly. You don't need to say you 'feel' manipulated. You are being manipulated. Your father is threatening your basic security as a person - your place to live, your connection with your family, and your ability to complete your schooling - because of a relationship that is not dangerous or harmful, but that he just doesn't approve of.

    He has the power to make those sorts of threats. You are old enough that he can kick you out and he doesn't have to pay for your school, but they are still obviously and clear threats.

    Your father is obviously controlling and frankly, he sounds like he is threatened by your healthy relationship with your boyfriend, who actually has shown some support and respect your ability to choose for yourself.

    A bit of advice:
    Stop giving your father the benefit of the doubt. Stop being honest with him. If he uses your honesty as a weapon, he is no longer entitled to the honest truth about your personal, adult decisions.

    Only you can decide if you are willing to risk the serious discomfort and family problems of continuing to date this guy. I wouldn't worry too much about your school - there are ways to access funds for education. But in the end, you have to decide whether you are willing to fight that fight or not.

    EDIT in response to feedback:
    Your father has shown a such degree of controlling impulses that is it possible - even likely - that he will never choose to acknowledge your ability to make choices for yourself, or your right to do so.
    Please, do not waste your years trying to earn the love and respect of someone who will never give it to you. Accept that this is his shit, and his flaw, and find a way to be happy in spite of him, not because of his praise or insults.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    21/f, 27/m

    I'm seeing a guy that has been asking questions that somewhat concerns me. I'm not sure if he's just being curious or that he feels this comfortable to talk to me in this way and ask me these questions.

    Let me first say that I'm Asian and he's Caucasian. I will say that I'm pretty conservative and I feel like respect, loyalty, and honesty is very important to me.

    Yesterday, maybe he was just saying it but he would point out that a girl is hot or say stuff like, "GILF" or "MILF" to me. I feel awkward whenever he says that because I never point out things like that. He'd mention that he thinks I'm pretty and he'd compliment me but it makes me feel uncomfortable when he says things like that. I know that guys will always look at girls but to tell the person you're dating? I'm not sure if that's something that needs to be heard.

    Another thing he asked me yesterday, he said, "why do Asian girls like white guys? There's so many of them that like them." And I got a little confused because most my Asian girl friends have Asian boyfriends. I told him, "I haven't ran into a lot of them. I think if Asian guys were more outgoing and less predictable, they'd probably be able to keep their Asian woman? I'm not sure." And he said, "Huh, I see so many that like white guys."

    Those are just examples of what he has said and mentioned. He has obviously said more that has caught my attention (not in a good way).

    Is he trying to say something? Or is he just that comfortable to ask and say things like that? He says that he's curious but I feel like there may be more to what he is saying.

    The Answer
    I think you have two totally separate issues going on here. The first one is that he he is a just a big ignorant - which isn't a crime by itself - we are always a bit ignorant of one another. It is good that he is willing to ask questions and that you are prepared to give the most honest answers you've got.

    The more serious problem of this is where you are feeling uncomfortable about his values and the way he chooses to express them to you. None of that makes his a bad person, but maybe it makes him a bad match for you.

    It's always tempting to sit around and wait for someone to do something really, really obviously bad to make you break up with them, but the truth is most people are basically good, but that doesn't mean that most people are going to be the right person for you to date.

    Listen to your gut. If you think you two are just still getting to know each other and figure things out, maybe you give him the benefit of the doubt and assume his heart is in the right place, but you also don't have to wait for the perfect reason to end a relationship. Being uncomfortable is a good enough reason.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I've recently started dating a guy. We expressed mutual desire to wait a while for sex as we both valued emotional connection versus just physical, but things happened and well, in a heated moment of passion, we has sex. Unprotected. Damn. I asked before he put himself in me if he had a condom, he didn't so we slowed things down a bit, but apparently not slow enough cause we ended up having sex anyway. Stupid move, I know. But being on birth control for the last 10+ years I wasn't worried at the time about pregnancy. Until after of course when you inevitably get that constant panic until your period shows up...

    We talked about it afterwards and I expressed that since I felt emotionally ready, it wasn't a big deal for me that we didn't wait to have sex, and that it was a step further in our relationship and wanted to make sure he was on the same page, but that condoms were a must in the future. He seemed to be but he still wanted to wait a while for the next time. Fair enough.

    A week later, we did diner at my place and things got heated again, and realizing that I didn't hit up the pharmacy that week for condoms because I assumed that 'a while' meant more than a week, I decided not to let things end up in the bedroom. He asked what was the matter and I told him we couldn't have sex because I didn't have condoms at my place. Turns out he doesn't believe in wearing condoms, only in the pull-out method (which is not actually a protection method BTW!), and doesn't want to use them because it ruins the moment. I explained that condoms are supposed to be part of the act and that there are sexy ways to include it, just like grabbing for lube or a toy, and they don't have to be this evil thing he made them out to be. He responded in a "well i've always done it that way and since we both dont want kids right now, whats the problem? besides you're on the pill anyway". I explained that the condom was used for protection against a lot more than pregnancy for me, and it keeps my sanity after sex from my mind going wild and thinking up all sorts of "im pregnant" scenarios, and that it also just happens to protect against STD's. He basically told me that the pullout method was more effective and that I was being very manipulative "going back on my word" after the first time. I apologized for the miscommunication, but that I was not ready to change my beliefs (and health risk!), and that if he didn't understand than we would just not have sex, ever, and that is a very important aspect to a relationship for me. He proceeded to try an convince me that "since I was going to be worried about pregnancy for no reason until my period anyway, that we could do it one more time his way (pullout) and then afterwards we could continue with using condoms. I told him that I was not going to be bargaining with him about something that I care very strongly about, and he responded with a speech about how apparently I didn't actually care about him if I was willing to throw away what we had built just because he wouldn't wear a condom, and that it was just because I like to be in control of everything. I told him that it was a very difficult decision, but I had to go with my gut and trust that if he truly cared about me he would understand. I didn't ask him to change his beliefs, but to understand where I am coming from. He left after saying "you're making a huge mistake" so I'm pretty sure this means we are broken up.

    Did I make the right call? I'm beating myself up for it, but I tried to be as subjective as I could.
    female, 26

    The Answer
    You were right. In fact, I think you handled this extremely well in the face of his obvious attempts to manipulate you.

    He tried to bargain and bully you into doing something that you knew was not safe or a good choice for you. Imagine if he was doing these same things and making these same arguments while trying to pressure you to try heroine, or to drive a tracker while drunk. Once you imagine he was behaving this way about any other risk you didn't want to take with your own body, it becomes pretty brutally clear how utterly in the wrong he was.

    Be glad this guy is gone. Not only is he a dangerous idiot if he genuinely believes what he claimed to believe about the pull out method, he also exhibited a bunch of behaviours that would make me suspect him capable of some serious mental abuse. He tried to accuse you of exactly what he was guilty of doing. He demanded utter control over the situation, he was willing to throw away what you two had because his sexual desires wouldn't be met that evening, and worst of all, he assumed he had a degree of ownership or right to your body just because you'd consented to having sex with him previously.

    This is a person who doesn't understand basic reproductive health, and also doesn't seem to be totally clear on what consent actually is either. Anyone who feels you 'owe' them sex, in any way, is someone you need to stay very, very far away from.

    I'd strongly recommend never having any contact with this person again.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    It's seriously ridiculous. It's a child's play thing! Little girls receiving them don't give a shit about body type, they just see it as a fun, bright colored doll! When I was young I was obsessed with barbies, every time my mom took me to a store with a Barbie, I'd be arguing with her and wouldn't leave without one. I still love playing with them. When I was 7, my mom took me to New York City, and we went into this huge you store and I made my own and ran a barbie fashion show, and I'm not subconscious about my body. And for people who are it's not your childhood doll's fault. It could be peer pressure, you might be obese and insecure about it, or in extreme cases anorexic. Barbie dolls can't put you down or tell you what's perfect (they never did it in the movies and their personality is a good role model for girls), and they certainly can't make you insecure, they're freaking objects, not conscious humans! And there is a model who transformed herself into a Barbie. I personally think it looks a little creepy and fake, but if she thinks it's pretty, that's her decision, not yours. And she works hard for it. And I met her in real life and she is really spirited and nice so you shouldn't judge someone unless you've met them. Like I thought Terissa from house wives was a bitch, but my mom dragged me to some wine store so she could get her cook book signed, and she was nice! Same with big ang (I've met a lot of famous people).

    The Answer
    You know, a lot of things have bad mixed in with the good.

    I don't think anyone would argue that playing with Barbies is going to hurt every little girl ever, or that Barbie is all evil, but there are some problems with Barbie, and the image she presents as ideal, beautiful or desirable. Dolls, and other images of human beings, are not just 'objects'. If objects didn't matter, children would play with balls of yarn and wooden twigs, not toys specially made to look like animals or people. These objects hold a whole lot of meaning.

    You are naive if you don't think that the kinds of images that are shown to young children as being pretty or desirable don't affect them. We all internalize those message starting very, very young. It is those messages you get really young, from things like Barbies ridiculously impossible body, that make peer pressure when you are older work so well. Peer pressure and other body anxieties and stresses wouldn't be nearly so powerful if we weren't inundated by the images and messages of what out bodies are supposed to be like - even by our very first toys!

    Sometimes people do say silly things, or get worked up on topics you might not feel are that important, but it's smart to take a moment and listen to their point of view. You might really like Barbie on a bunch of levels, but that doesn't mean Barbie is a perfect and that there are no problems with it or what it represents. A reasonable person should also be able to see that there are some real problems with the body image and stereotypes of beauty that toys like Barbie introduce and reinforce even on small children.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    hey how many tampons can you have in at once?

    The Answer
    One. Just one.

    If you are having trouble with your tampon, you should try other brands or different absorbencies. Don't insert multiple ones. You run the risk of tearing the vaginal wall, causing irritation and even possibly infection.

    Just use one tampon at a time. If the tampons you've got aren't working, try different ones.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    We have got problems, like obesity, and illegal immigrants are flooding in each day. But what about the diversity? I wake up every day knowing I am free. Make the ignorant jokes but 8 out of ten of the best schools in the world are in America. And it doesn't block people from it due to gender or race. We also have the best food in the world and it's dirt cheap, too. Less people suffer here, and make your selfish greedy jokes but it just shows you are a dumbass because in 2012 we donated 37 billion dollars to OTHER countries,and people on welfare here are doing great with it. So why do people hate us? America is the best in my opinion.

    The Answer
    Who hates America?
    Not many people really. The American media sure loves to pay attention to anyone who they can accuse of hating America, but really, the vast majority of people on this planet don't spend a lick of their time thinking about the States at all. The places where there is wide-spread American hate tend to be places where Americans have a history of dropping a lot of bombs and/or propping up violent dictators. No matter the reason these things are done - even if they are done for necessary or well-intentioned reasons - that'll tend to piss people off. When it's your neighbourhood that is being blown up, you really don't care how good of a reason the guy doing the blowing up has.

    If you'd like to know what a lot of people don't like America much, a large reason, is the smug, self-righteous attitude that refuses to acknowledge that many, many other countries provide the same freedoms (and in some cases, more freedoms and greater privacy and protection!) than America does. It's the insistence that "America is the best" when in fact, America is one of many countries where it's a great place to live for a lot people - but not necessarily for everyone.

    When non-Americans think about America, which is far less than many Americans seem to believe it is, and get annoyed or make fun of America, it's largely because most other nations don't go around saying their country is the best and find it's a bit absurd that Americans keep on crowing about how awesome they are. Like an insecure teenager who doesn't know how to take pride in their accomplishments without acting like a complete asshole and screaming about how great they are all the time. Most other nations have a healthy pride in their culture, achievements and history, but since most other nations are smaller, and less self obsessed, they also recognize the global context they exist in and are forced to be respectful of one another and collaborate far more often.

    America is powerful enough, and wealthy enough to afford being ignorant of the world it exists is, and many Americans choose that kind of ignorance, some even take pride is knowing as little as possible about things that aren't American enough for them. Is it so strange to you that other might find that irritating?

    If you take some real time to recognize that over 1 billion people who are NOT Americans live in first world countries where they enjoy a similar, and sometimes higher, standard of living than the average American, you might begin to understand why Americans don't have the best reputation as global citizens.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I'd like to move out of my parents house and move in a 1 bedroom apartment. This would be my first apartment. I saw some nice apartments that were 375-$435 for 1 bedroom

    How much should I have saved up for bills & furniture cost?

    The Answer
    This depends entirely on where you live, and what you need.

    You are best to make a budget.

    You'll need to know what your one-off purchases are (like, a bed, or a sofa) and things like dishes, a broom, towels and baths mat. And you'll also need to know your ongoing costs like phone bill, utilities, rent, food, and even laundry. (When you are young and starting out, the expense of laundromats and household cleaning products can sneak up on you. I know I forgot laundry and toilette paper in the very first monthly budget I ever wrote.)

    $374-$435 is dirt cheap for a one-bedroom. I'd strongly recommend that before you think about actually renting, or decide exactly how much you'll need to spend on a place, that you visit a few just for practice and to see what is out there. Sometimes a cheap place that looks great online, is actually a dangerous, difficult to access place to live. Or smells like cat piss. Or is covered in mold. Going online is not the best way to find out what an actually livable place will cost you. You have to get out there in the flesh to learn that.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I am 16 I have known my mom has been selling prescription pain killers for sometime now. She says she is doing it for me but she seems to be doing it more for herself when she just bought herself a new car. I'm between a rock and a hard place reporting it though because my mom currently has cancer and found out I was planning on reporting her for it, she said go for it but its her word against mine and she says I have no evidence against her. Well she showed me where she hides them, I know where she goes to get them every month and the first name of the person she sells them too. So I need to know how should I word it to report it. If I should tell the DEA or crimestoppers or who. And what will happen to me and my dad since we have known about it for sometime, what will happen to my dad because I dont wanna live with him either, and if I can go live with my brother then since he's willing to take me in or if CPS will put me into a group home or foster home.

    The Answer
    If your brother and your mother agree, you can simply go live with him right now. That part, is that simple.

    It's impossible to say exactly what would happen if CPS got involved. Their first choice would certainly be your Dad, but if that wasn't possible, there is no saying exactly where you might end up.

    Rather than take the complex and difficult path of reporting your mother's crimes (which of course, she shouldn't be doing) you might take the simpler path of simply asking your brother if you can move in with him and letting your parents know that is what you'll be doing. So long as you are safe there with him, attending school, and your parents know where you are at, the police are actually unlikely to force you back home from an older siblings home.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I sent a few nudes to a guy I met online and he's sent me money in return for them and now he's blackmailing me saying if I don't send him something else then he'll post all my pics on the internet.. Is there anything I can do to stop him? Can the police do anything?

    The Answer
    I wont go over what others have said (you absolutely should go to the police) but do want to correct some of the bad information you've been given.

    What you described is a crime. Period. Always. End of story.

    It doesn't matter that you accepted money for the images. That doesn't mean he owns them and can do whatever he wants with them. That is not how that works. Unless you explicitly sign away your rights - you still own those images and they cannot legally be shared publicly without your consent.

    What he is doing is a crime. No question about it. Anyone who says otherwise is simply confused and incorrect.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    14 Male
    Or. Lack there of as the case may be. I Have only noticed my lack of emotion very recently but looking back it must have been going on for months. Now there is emotion I'm not saying I'm completely devoid of this aspect of human existence but I only feel the strongest ones and they come down on me like a tonne of bricks.

    The most clearest being Dread, and I don't feel it all the time it's not a constant sense of impending doom (a story for another time) but almost how an animal must feel when there is no way out but through. Like once I've done something wrong and have been caught out for example.

    I know right from wrong but the emotions Tied to them (guilt etc.) seemed to have floated away.

    An example I recently asked someone out and as they ummed and erred I didn't feel worried etc. I just stood and waited went through a text with out so much as a shrug, when he (oh yes there's more) started ignoring me? Nothing.

    There are nuances I won't go through now you've read enough. Thanks for reading this much if you have any advice (save seek therapy etc.)
    I would be thankfull.

    Yours Faithfully
    Someone needing "help."

    The Answer
    It's always tough to answer these questions, when the only real advice to give is the one thing they ask you not to say.

    A therapist is going to be able to give you the best guidance and advice. We simply don't have the information or the skill to help much.

    There are lots of reasons a person can experience emotional deadening or numbness - especially as a teenager. Sometimes, it's a normal and natural response to stress or difficult times in our lives, but that doesn't mean it is something you should ignore or live with - especially if it a change that came over you recently. If you realized you had slowly lost all feeling in your right arm over the last few months you'd see a doctor - right? The same principle applies here.

    Please, speak to a therapist or counsellor. Of course you don't want one that is obsessed with applying a label to you - and most I've met don't operate that way - but you do want someone to talk to about these experiences.
    (View All Other Answers.)



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