Razhie


"This is the true joy in life - being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances." --George Bernard Shaw

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My official name is Manda, but I've been Razhie for almost as long. I'm a 28 year old woman who didn't use to be half as confident or brazen as she is now.

My advice is pretty good, not always perfect and rarely censored.

I can read what is written. I cannot read your mind.


Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.

Favourite Collumnists. (WittyUsernameHere.) (karenR.) (NinjaNeer.) (rainbowcherrie.) (DangerNerd.)


    The Question
    Dog walker, dog groomer, dog sitter and dog trainer in the city in the USA?

    I've tried looking it up, but could never get what I was looking for.

    Any help, please and thank you.

    The Answer
    It's not really possible to answer this very clearly.

    Dog walkers and dog sitters are generally freelancers, and many would not charge an 'hourly' but charge a fee for service. Dog groomers would often be employees of salons or kennels, so they would need to be making at least the states minimum wage or be salaried, but besides that, it's difficult to say with much accuracy. The wages they received would likely to have a great deal to with the scale and luxury factors of their particular service.

    Fundamentally however, these jobs likely pay more than minimum wage, but not significantly more, without much room for growth in terms of your paycheque.
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    The Question
    My friends did the challenge but we didn't know we had to say charlie charlie can we stop? before we could stop playing! Are we all going to be haunted until we die or just the person who first asked to summon the demon?

    SCARED PLEASE HELP!

    The Answer
    Not real.

    The Charlie Charlie Challenge is just gravity. There is nothing supernatural or demonic about it.

    Try doing the same thing with pencils without any incantation or even writing anything out - the pencils will still move! We just assume it has something to do with spirits because humans are stupid like that. We always want to 'blame' something when we see something we don't understand. So someone made up this demon Charlie to explain a perfectly natural thing that happens, just like ancient people made up a chariot of gold that dragged the sun across the sky because they didn't understand the perfectly natural way the sun burns and the earth revolves around it...

    When you tell yourself silly stories like this, you are putting your brain into a state where it is extra suggestible and fearful. In effect, it becomes real only because you believe in it. If anything creepy starts happening - it's only because you expect it too and and are taking special notice of it. You didn't summon a demon. You just told yourself a scary story and now you are scared. When you stop believing the scary story, you will stop being scared.
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    The Question
    People have been making a joke of it, saying that they think it's pointless of him to do it, because no man will find him sexually attractive at 65, despite him saying he's attracted to women, and people still being able to have love lives in their 60s. I find it offensive because people are basically saying the whole point of having a vagina is to be found sexually attractive by a man, and get fucked by a penis, when it's only a possibility, not something that needs to happen in order to justify having that organ. A sex change is a sex change. He can afford the best medical care, so people shouldn't see it differently for him to have one at 65 than if he had it at say, 20.

    The Answer
    People they are assholes.
    People who think that are assholes.

    For exactly the reasons you describe: Being a woman isn't just about being sexually available and of interest to men. Simple as that. People who don't - or refuse too - understand that a person's gender may mean far more to them then that, are either idiots, or assholes.

    It's tempting to make it more complicated than that, but just it's not complicated.
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    The Question
    I have started meditating, but it does not feel like I have selective hearing and my senses are so much higher than the average human's. It is very hard to cope with, I can only relate this to a lesser version of the Daredevil's senses. Do any of you have any advice on how I can manage my senses, please?

    The Answer
    Keep talking to the doctor who is prescribing your medication.

    Some medications do have side effects, and maybe you haven't found the right one for you, but the very, VERY best person to advise you right now is your doctor. We don't know what you are going through, or what factors there are to consider, so if you are experiencing anything uncomfortable at all or have any questions, speak to your doctor.
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    The Question
    Im 20 and a female, i will be using letters (v) and (k) for the guys

    this guy (v) i been talking to is all that i could ask for he's the man of my dreams i could say but we haven't gotten to love, but i like him a lot.

    the story twist around now

    i was talking to this other guy (k) before (v), and (k) was a cool man but he started to get super crazy controlling and assumed i was having sex with other people, the crazy thing about that is, me and (k) haven't had sex haven't kissed let alone we haven't even said we were together like boyfriend girlfriend.

    me being 20 i gave him a chance

    so i meet (v) around the time where i told (k) we can no longer talk but (k) is now extremely cray like saying he's going to shot up my house and spit on me if he see me on the streets..

    so I'm no with (v)
    and (k) describes what I'm wearing and what i did during the day he even knew when my cousin got suspended from school… this is so crazy he won't leave me alone he sends me text saying he loves me then say he hope i die and i got sick of it one day i got my gun and told him to grant his threat n come shoot up my house i was waiting he called back said he was playing… so it died down he say he loves me and wyd babe i don't reply but I'm still kinda scared to let this slip away


    i told (v)
    like any man would do he said if he sees him he's go beat his a@&

    but i want to know should i wait or do something quick

    The Answer
    The moment anything else happens, you call the police on a non-emergency line, and report what K is doing. He is stalking you, harassing you, and threatening your life.

    If it's died down now, fine, but if he is still contacting you with his fake niceness, then it's not really done yet.

    No fooling here hun. The next creepy thing he does, you call the cops. You keep calling them and reporting each new terrifying crazy thing K does until they take you seriously. You also tell your friends, family, school and co-workers a bit about what K is doing, so they know not to support his crazy or talk to him about you.

    You keep yourself safe by refusing to be ashamed - you haven't done anything wrong! Keep yourself sane by placing ALL the blame exactly where it belongs: On K. There is no excuse at all for what he is doing, so don't let yourself make any excuses. Start treating this like what it is - criminal harassment.
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    The Question
    Hi I'm a 31 year old male, and about 6 months ago I ended a 4 year relationship, And about 6 weeks ago I met another young lady, thing is with my last relationship, we had the biggest connection ever, Like we were inseparable... And with the new girl, she's attractive, have a nice career... but it's too demanding, and some days we barely talk, she goes to bed to early, we mainly communicate via text message, because we live in two separate states, so when we do communicate, it's always so many time lapse between texts, and I like her, but she bores me, are conversations never have any real foundation, and she's just seems too busy for a relationship... Yet she makes the effort to text message me daily, multiple times a day, Were barely together, because like I said her career is way to demanding, and she travels a lot... But for some reason, I've been trying my best to hold on, and make it better... but everyday is the same... I mean I love advice from ppl who have no attachment to me whatsoever, it's more honest that way... What should I do? I want to remain the good guy here

    The Answer
    Do you want to be the good guy, or do you want to be in a relationship that makes you happy.

    Doesn't sounds like this relationship is working for you. That doesn't mean she's bad or wrong - don't try to make her the 'bad guy' just because you wanna be the 'good guy'. It just means that what she wants and needs from a relationship may be different than what you want and need.

    You need to man up and own your own feelings here. She doesn't 'make you' feel lonely. You are lonely. You should fix that. Maybe fixing that means not being a in relationship with her. If you need to move on from this relationship, do that honestly and clearly. In your lame attempts to be a 'good guy' you may end up acting like a selfish jerk. Don't be a jackass who invents reason to hate this woman just cause she isn't the woman you want to be with - be selfish in a smart way. Decide what you want, and try your best to go get it. If that doesn't include being in a relationship with her, then end it clearly and respectfully.
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    The Question
    I am scared to report c porn because i am afraid they will blame me. i don't know why. please report these sites for me?

    (link removed after being reported)

    (link removed after being reported)

    (link removed after being reported)

    (link removed after being reported)

    please help me and report sites above!

    all i searched for 2was teen! OMG! i m a girl!

    The Answer
    If you are an American, you can report it here. There is no risk to you to make a report. No one cares who you are. Really. They don't give a shit.
    http://www.missingkids.com/cybertipline/

    Here is the important thing to recognize however: Although this was very uncomfortable for you to see, it is not unusual, and law enforcement tends to focus their efforts on very young children - 14 and under really - because those children are in the greatest danger when they are forced to participate in pornography.

    Older teenagers - who are often willingly participating in pornography - are generally not a focus of law enforcement efforts. By all means you can still report images of older teenagers, but those usually aren't the cases that cause the greatest concern. Also, many legal adults are called 'teens' even though they are plenty old enough to be participating in porn legally - it's a sales pitch, not the truth about their ages.

    Finally, I think you may be a bit confused. One of the pages you posted is a group of photos of Amanda Tate. She's a 24 year old porn star. Those pictures aren't child porn by any definition. What she is doing is perfectly legal. Some of the other links involved here are likely porn that was created within the bounds of the law. You may be too young to see those photos and/or not want to see them, but porn itself is not always illegal. Porn featuring consenting adults is allowed to exist, and be online, but it is supposed to be clearly labeled and easy for young people like yourself to avoid.
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    The Question
    I am in amazing relationship, one that I've always wanted and dreamed of. Both of us are in our 30's, were were married before to other people and now both divorced, but head over heels in love with each other. There is one problem, he cannot get over my dating past. Before meeting him, I was in two long term relationships ( marriage and one for 6 yrs) and then became single and dated for two years. I met him before he even had the chance to date again, we hit it off immediately and fell in love over time. He said he loves how sexual I am, but hates my past, his resolution is to 1) swing with him and let him have sex with someone in front of me, or 2) participate in a 3 some and let him do his thing in front of me. This kills me, and I don't want to. I love him sooo much and if I saw this it will hurt so bad. My past means nothing to me, but he doesn't get it, because he didn't get to date after his marriage with his HS sweetheart. Instead he went on a date with me and we have been together for almost a year and we live together. He has given me this ultimatum to continue with our relationship. I don't know if I can do this, I wish I could move out and let him try the single life he says he missed out on, but I am afraid of losing him and I don't want something to happen, but I'm tired of being ridiculed. I want him to see me for who I am today and what I offer, not my past. Please help! Should I put my feelings aside and take the torture of seeing him have sex with someone or should I get out of his life and let him do his thing and pray he wants me back. 30 ish female.

    The Answer
    He's an ass who is trying to control and manipulate you into sexual encounters you do not want.

    He thinks you owe him sex. He thinks you owe him a certain kind of sex. Doesn't matter what else might seem so good about him. Once someone feels you OWE them shit like that, they are a dangerous person to be around.

    Let him go. If he is so unhappy with HIS OWN CHOICES then he needs to go off into the world and make the choices he wants, with people who also want those things. If he feels he missed out on so much that he is willing to toss your relationship away - let him do that. It will hurt to watch him walk away, but it'll hurt more to let him keep holding you hostage with his bullying and shaming over your past. This is not a man who is simply asking for what he wants, this is a man who is willing to attack you and your life choices in the attempt to bully you into submission.

    Do not torture yourself for this stupid, selfish, temper-tantrum throwing child. He is BLAMING you for his dissatisfaction with his own life. Tell him to man up and make his choice. He CANNOT continue to bully and blame you because he's not happy. If he's not happy, he needs to go deal with that and stop judging and torturing you. That are perfectly valid ways to discuss your desire for other people with your partner - but holding your partner's past over their head is NOT one of them.

    Maybe you'll be around when he's done being an ass. Maybe you wont. That's the risk he is taking when he buggers off. In the meantime, you go look for someone who is mature enough to be in a real relationship with an actual adult person. You deserve better than a hostage negotiation with a dissatisfied little boy.
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    The Question
    Hello, I'm a 15 year old girl so obviously I'm starting to explore my attraction boys (and girls) at this point in my life, but I need a bit of advice on a few questions that I have. So this first question could just be the effect of growing up with a father who's kind of racist, but I'm going to ask anyway: I'm a Caucasian girl, so is it strange for me to prefer people of other races over other white boys? I know that the not-so-playful teasing would be endless if I ever brought anything other than a Caucasian boy home. My second question: Is it unusual for me to like more than one person at a time? I'm not attracted to ALL the people at my school obviously, but is it strange to have 4 or 5 boys/girls that I would consider dating instead of being set on one or two people? Thanks a bunch!

    The Answer
    It's not strange - but here's the thing you need to be careful of, just like people who say they only like date people of their own race, people who only like to date people of other races, in both situations there is likely some racial bias and stereotypes at play.

    If you find yourself saying "I like to date THIS RACE men, because THIS RACE does X." or even "I don't like white boys cause all white boys are Y." That's racism. You might think it's a compliment, or even feel it's true, but it's stereotyping and seeing a person's race first, and them as a individual second, and that's never cool. It's okay to be attracted to whatever attracts you, but you have to be on guard against your own biases.

    It's fine to have feelings about a bunch of people. You are really young. You SHOULD be looking around at a bunch of different people and considering what attracts you to each.
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    The Question
    If a guy gets a girl pregent n then waits for 24 hours to have sex again n cums in the girl can the same guy sperm kill the other sperm

    The Answer
    No.

    Sperm doesn't attack or kill other sperm, not ever. That's not what is knows how to do.

    You may sometimes hear the phrase "sperm competition" which refers to how some other animals reproductive organs are designed to increases the male's chance of being the one that impregnates the female. However, there is not much evidence that happens at all in humans, and even if it did, it has nothing at all do with sperm killing other sperm, it has to do with how the penis is built.
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    The Question
    theres this guy, we met at a party but we connected and had a heart to heart we had been texting all week. he started calling me babe and complimenting me. telling me i was the only girl he talked to and that he wants to hang with me again. but when i asked him if were were "talking" he told me he doesnt do relationships. and his reasoning was. (he doesnt like being hurt and he doesnt like drama) should i even try to continue to flirt or should i just consider friends? i honestly started to like him. and ive been hurt so much i know his pain

    The Answer
    A guy who tells you he doesn't like drama, usually that is code for he doesn't want to deal with a human being. He doesn't want a girlfriend, or even a friend. He rather a house pet. Something who never talks back or has expectations or demands, or a perspective on life, and has nice low IQ.

    I always stay away from guys who say "No Drama". In my experience, it means they aren't prepared to be respectful and kind. They think it's just soooo much hard work to be decent or considerate of other people. Bleh.

    If you really want to be friends, go ahead and be friends, but remember that no wanting to 'do relationships' isn't about getting hurt. Everyone gets hurt. A lot. That's normal, humanness. A guy who 'doesn't want drama', or 'doesn't want a relationship', doesn't actually want you - not as a fellow human being.
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    The Question
    I recently asked the question about whether or not I should wait for my boyfriend who was involved in a prostitution sting...I should have been more specific. It was a child prostitution sting, that's why he's looking at up to 7 years in prison. The ad says 19 year old girl & then when the "john" gets there they make little hints insinuating that she's actually underage. I'm not sure about all the details, & it makes me sick so id rather not know. I've had more time to think about it and obviously I didn't know the real him, only who he pretended to be. I have to move on. But the second question that's been bothering me is should I put him on the birth certificate? I want my son to have my last name for sure. But if this really is the sort of evil person he is I don't think I want him to be an influence on his life. And I know if he wanted rights he could fight for them later on, but I doubt he would get much visitation when he is most likely going to have to register as a a sex offender..please let me know your opinions, and thank you all for your advice from the first part of my question. I just want to do what is gonna be best for my son.

    The Answer
    Depending on your state, you might not be able to put his name on the birth certificate without his participation in that process. In some states, only husband's names automatically go on the birth certificate. In all other cases, the man has to sign some paperwork, or be present at the time of the birth.

    So, it might be a non-issue.

    Here's the thing tho: Having his name on the birth certificate doesn't change his legal rights. It's even a bit mistaken to say he has to fight for them - he really just has to ask. If you want to deny him any rights as parent - YOU have to fight for that, whether his name is on the birth certificate or not, whether he is on the sex offenders registry or not. It's your job to prove why he shouldn't have parental rights. The law always assumes that he should until someone challenges it and proves otherwise. Of course, if he is a sex-offender and an ex-con, that wont be too hard to prove, but remember that the courts generally assume that the child has a right to have relationship with the father. That is the place they start from.

    Personally, I think if you are able to put his name on the birth certificate, you should - only because it's part of being honest with your son. Not as your son's last name of course, that should be your surname, but since you know who the father is, it should be included. You might not always be around to answer your son's questions, or true information may be hard to find. So don't leave that kind of doubt and uncertainty in his life if you can avoid it. Put the name of his father on the certificate if you are able too - not because the father deserves it - but because your son deserves the truth, even when the truth sucks.
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    The Question
    I just turned 17 and I want to take a pretty lengthy career path so Im doing a lot of future planning at the moment so I don't screw myself over.

    First off, Im a junior in high school doing running start at the moment (college for free during high school) but next school year is my last free year of college, because it'll be my senior year.

    I wanted to get a part time job and save up for when I do end up moving out or paying for college but my parents wont let me get a job because we might lose our medicaid and I have a lot of medical things happening to me right now so I need healthcare.

    My mom says to wait to get a job until I get an apartment or dorm and just focus on volunteering at the hospital for experience (I want to be a pathologist) but how am I suppose to get an place without any money? And I also don't want to be 22 thats never had a paying job before.

    If I move out around 18-19 and live off students loans and get a part time job in college, is that a smart thing to do?

    Im trying to spend as least money as possible because I know ill be drowning in debt but might as well be smart about it, 200,000 is a lot of money.

    The Answer
    Your mom is right. Healthcare is probably the most important long-term investment for you right now.

    Yeah, it would be great to also have a job, but medical care is definitely more important right at this point. You might not be able to get your butt to work, or to school, or to your volunteer gig, if you aren't receiving the medical care you need.

    I understand student loans are terrifying - and you do have to be smart about how you get them and use them - but they are still a solid investment. Getting a job while you are a student (and your college will likely provide some sort of health coverage for you) is probably your safer bet.
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    The Question
    I've been talking to this guy I met about 2 months ago, Im 24 he's 25. We've met up maybe 3 times, he's really busy so we meet up when we can. Most of our relationship was through texting, and it was fun. When we did meet up it was effortless and comfortable and it got a little hot too. The first week we started talking I got this weird vibe that something was off so I told him I needed a break from texting almost every hour of everyday, not long after we picked back up where we left off, no problems, and I apologized for being cautious. The other two times that we hung out followed after that, and from my view it was perfect, we connected, he was very affectionate, but then the last time we hung out we were making out and before he left he got very distant. As he was leaving he gave me a hurried kiss on the cheek and all but ran out the door. The next day I asked him what was up, and all the sudden he told me he wasn't ready for a deep/steady relationship. He said I was cool to hang out with, beautiful, sweet, funny etc. he told me he had got out of a long relationship about 3 months ago. So I said I understood and I wished him the best because he told me he didnt want to lead me on so he wanted to cut ties right then and there. So we did. Until two days later when he text me sayin he misses talking to me. I responded saying I missed it as well and he asks if we can start talking again. Of course I really like this guy so I said yes, but then he immediately responded with "Well I don't want to lead you on, I still dont want a relationship, but I don't just want sex either." Also he made it very clear any time we would hang out would be by his choice, not mine. I couldn't believe it so I told him as nicely as I could "I may like you a lot but I deserve more than you can offer me right now." He seem to take it fine telling me that he understood and it was asking a lot from me and if I ever needed anything to let him know. So now I feel stuck, I know I'm not going to get the relationship I want from him, but I like him enough to actually miss him and want him in my life. Do I just suck it up and count this as a loss, realizing that he may not even want me at all? Or wait for him to maybe one day want the same thing I do?

    Sorry for the long question.

    The Answer
    Do actually you want him as a friend?

    The two of you have never discussed what a friendship might look like. It's always been about friendship+sexual+romantic but totally not serious. Are you interested in a friendship? Do you think he is? Do you think he's capable of a platonic friendship? Are you?

    If you actually want him as a friend, go ahead and contact him. However, if your hope is that you if you just hover around he'll changes his mind one of these days, then don't. Never do that. Save yourself that waste of energy, time and hurt feelings. It's not really a friendship if you are just sitting there hoping for something more and the likelihood of that happening is near zero anyways.

    In your shoes, I'd let this one go completely. He may have done the right thing by being honest with you, but the situation he suggested - where whatever the two of you would do depended entirely on his convenience - isn't a very friendly or respectable way to operate. A guy who tried to get that sort of arrangement would strike me as very immature and inexperienced. A guy with more experience, would understand there need to be more back and forth and dialogue than that, even in casual relationships. Casual relationships still require effort, communication, and respect.

    Don't wait for him, and don't pine for him. He hasn't expressed an interest in you as a friend, or as a girlfriend. The sanest thing to assume is that he's not that into you. Into you enough for casual hookups on his schedule, but not into you enough to make time for you as a friend, or as a possible romantic partner.

    A guy who wont make time for you as a friend, or as a causal hookup, either genuinely doesn't have any time in his life for a new person, or is a guy who hasn't learned to be respectful of all the women in his life - not just his girlfriend.
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    The Question
    so this girl at work she's been asking me to hangout with her she says since you go surfing let me go with you teach me how the sign that i can think of attraction is there so finally i got the nerve to ask her number waited about a week to call tuesday around 8.15pm called it ring at about 4times then i heard her talking then it just ended what is that all about waited a few minutes called again she didn't pick up what is that all about

    The Answer
    Who the hell knows?

    She could be playing games. She also could be driving, or unavailable, or in a noisy place, or a shit ton of other things.

    Don't wait a week when someone gives you their number. They will forget who the hell you are and your call will be intrusive and awkward instead of pleasant. You risk them not knowing who the hell you are. Maybe she is game playing - but if you are waiting a week to call someone - so are you. Don't do that.
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    The Question
    OK so I didn't do so well on my last math test, I got a 41%, but I am going to do an extra credit assignment that'll raise it to the 80% range. She was still reallly mad, and is making me go to extra help every day before school at lunch and after school on tuesdays until my grade raises. Is it just me or does this seem extreme?

    The Answer
    You failed. So yeah, it's a bit extreme, but extreme isn't necessarily wrong.

    Extra help isn't a bad idea at this point. Suck it up, prove you can get your grades up, then talk about doing less extra work. But until your grades come up, you don't have any solid argument to make against it.
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    The Question
    I know a 15 year old who wants out of his mothers place and live with grandparents. If he were to run way now to grandparents will police force him to go back home in a unstable eenvironment, or will he be able to stay with grandparents happy and safe and very well taken care of?

    Fyi I am from Connecticut and I know the laws are different from each state.

    The Answer
    Typically, the police will bring him back home to his mom.

    The running away may trigger an investigation into his home life, but unless his mother's home meets the legal criteria and the state believes he needs to be removed from it, he'll just be brought back. His grandparents may even face penalties if they did anything to hide him.

    The only exception is if his parents and grandparents agree to have him live at the grandparents. If they all agree, then that's just fine. Usually, that is the first thing I suggest to young people in that situation: Just ask. Ask the grandparents if they'd be willing to have him, and ask the mother if she'd be willing to let him live there. Start that conversation, because the absolutely easiest way to do this is to just have the adults agree to it!

    If your friend is in danger at home, the best thing you - or he - can do is tell another trusted adult like a teacher or a coach.

    Child emancipation is not the first step. First off, in Connecticut you can only apply for emancipation if you are 16. Also, it's is a long process, with very strict criteria that can be nearly impossible to meet and it doesn't really apply to a minor who wants to live with another family member or have another family member be their legal guardian... Emancipation is for a minor who has no other legal guardian who needs to make their own legal decisions without their parents having any say. (For example, the decisions like seeking medical care, or joining the army, or going to school. If parents are standing in the way of those sorts of choices, emancipation allows a minor to make those decisions without their parent's involvement). Often times young people think emancipation sounds really cool, but it's very, very rarely the right solution to their problem. If his mother isn't willing to have him live with his grandparents, then the next best thing is to try and have the state investigate the home and the situation. If they find it unsafe, he'll be out of there way, way, way faster than if he tried emancipation, and his grandparents have the first right to take him in it it's determined he cannot live in his mother's home.
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    The Question
    So about 8 months ago, me and this guy started talking. We didn't talk in school, we only texted (just friends).

    Later we got into this HUGE fight and I told him I didn't want to be his friend anymore only because I was mad, not because I meant it.

    Anyway, he got mad at me and didn't talk to me. Then when I finally got him to talk to me again he said he doesn't think he should be friends with a person who doesn't want to be friends with him (even though I told him I didn't mean it).

    We don't talk anymore and it's really awkward at school. But my problem is that we're not friends and I don't exactly know why. It's not because of that one thing that I said.

    He told me there are a few more reasons. And I can't live with an unresolved conflict. Like I need to figure out what I did wrong or end the friendship. It just kinda got cut off.

    This happened maybe about 8 months ago? Would it be weird if I bring it up to him again?

    I have dreams about him over and over, and in the dream I'm scared to talk to him.

    Idk what to do, he won't talk to me, please help!

    The Answer
    Learning how to be okay with not having all the answers, is an important life skill. The better thing for you to do here would be to learn to accept and be at peace with the situation, rather than going on the offensive and trying to pry out more answers from him.

    It's been months. Frankly, he doesn't remember exactly what he thought or felt at the time, and neither do you. Any questions you ask him would be invasive and rude, and you wouldn't get the answers you are really looking for anyways.

    Learn to live without resolution to every conversation. That is probably more important to your long-term mental health than this person is.
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    The Question
    Ok, so I have been with my boy"friend" for almost 2 years, our relationship has been good, not perfect of course, but I honestly felt like he was my life partner, my best friend. Or so he said! Well I am 7 months pregnant with our first son, 5 days ago I got a call saying that he had tried picking up a prostitute and got caught in an undercover sting. He is looking at several years in prison. He seems really sorry, but he also seemed like he really loved me. Should I wait for him?

    The Answer
    In the states, most Johns don't go to jail for more than a month or so on the charge of soliciting a prostitute. Someone who is facing years or a felony charge of solicitation, that person is either a repeat offender, or had been a pimp.

    If he is actually looking at several years in prison, you need to consider the behaviour that landed him in that situation, because it's almost certainly not a case of a single stupid decision.

    Maybe the prosecution is over-reaching, but really, looking at years for soliciting a prostitute means there is something else going on here.

    He's the father of your child, so he's always going to be in your life, but if he has made repeated poor decisions and landed himself in jail for years, then he is probably not a good person to be in a relationship with right now.

    You don't need to have all answers right now, or to make the decision right away, but you should go see a doctor right away and tell them that your boyfriend had been soliciting prostitutes and you need to be checked for every STI. Some STIs - even those curable ones - can complicate or even endanger a pregnancy, so do that right away.
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    The Question
    20/f
    I have recently met a guy who I am now dating. He is two years older than me. To me,he's the sweetest guy in the world,he loves me,he tries hard to make me happy,he treats me like a queen. But there is one problem,so to speak. His hearing is damaged so he wears hearing aid. I told my family today and their reactions are far from what I had expected. They reacted as if it were some dangerous contagious disease. He hasn't even been born like that,his ear got damaged later in life. My grandma even accused him of lying,even though he's been honest with me since day 1. My mom called him disabled. I don't even dare to tell my dad. I generally live in an environment where people are extremely judgmental. But I thought my family was better than this. I really love this guy and there is a high chance we'll hit it off and get married one day. What should I do then? I want them to accept him because I'm afraid they may forbid me to see him,yet again it's my life and I will marry who I want. I am scared,I don't want to be forced to choose between my family and him,because I want all of them in my life. He is the kind of guy I've been searching for,I won't let go no matter what. And my family are the ones who made my life possible and I love them dearly. I don't know what to do.

    The Answer
    Tell them not to be bigots.

    The best thing you can do right now is label the behaviour clearly. They are being bigots. They are discriminating against someone. That's not just unkind - that's evil.

    It's tough to tell someone you love they are that completely and utterly wrong, but the best thing you can do for your own future and for this guy, is to be that clear. Call it exactly what it is. It's ablism. It's discrimination. It's ugly and hateful. If they were an employer, saying things like that about a person with a hearing impairment would be criminal. Tell them you expect better of them. Try to shame them into being better or at least into shutting up. It might not work, but at least they will have no doubt about where you stand in regards to their horrible behaviour.
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