Razhie


"This is the true joy in life - being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances." --George Bernard Shaw

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My official name is Manda, but I've been Razhie for almost as long. I'm a 28 year old woman who didn't use to be half as confident or brazen as she is now.

My advice is pretty good, not always perfect and rarely censored.

I can read what is written. I cannot read your mind.


Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.

Favourite Collumnists. (WittyUsernameHere.) (karenR.) (NinjaNeer.) (rainbowcherrie.) (DangerNerd.)


    The Question
    My sister got married recently and she and her husband have very different feelings about dogs. Our family has always had dogs. We love them and my sister can't imagine her children not having one. Her husband however doesn't like dogs. He had one when he was a kid, but has stated numerous times that he's not a dog person.

    They've agreed to get a border collie, but her husband is insisting that the dog will stay at their ranch house and they will visit it only on occasion to make sure it has enough food and water. This is a very stupid idea. We had a border collie when we were young and he was incredibly friendly and energetic. Those dogs are known for being that way. If they got one and left it by itself all of the time with no one to play with and nowhere to run around. It'd be miserable and we would probably run away. This sounds mean but I'd hope it would run away and find a family that would love it and give it the attention it deserves.

    I know my sister wants a dog and I want her and my nieces and nephews to have one to, but not of its going to be locked up all alone in a barn all of the time. Especially if it's a border collie or other friendly, energetic dog. I know whatever they do is out of my control, but is there any advice I can give them for the dog's sake?

    The Answer
    Just tell her exactly what you told us.

    You would love for to her have a dog, but she should know better than to force a dog to live in those circumstances. If the dog is treated like a rejected, wild animal - it'll likely behave that way. If it is denied the comforts of a family and pack, and the mental and physical stimulation it needs, it wont know how to be good and gentle around people. She'll ruin the dog and end up with an out-of-control beast locked in a barn.

    It also isn't particularly safe to leave a domesticated pet alone in a barn all day. Think of the financial cost, as well as the trauma to the family, if the dog gets hurt.

    If her husband cannot deal with a dog in an appropriate, respectful way, then the dog can't be there. She wouldn't have agreed to have children with him if he thought he could lock them up in the barn would she? Of course not. She knows this isn't okay. As her sister, don't talk down to her, but remind her of what she already knows.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Recently, I've auditioned for a musical at a local theatre, and I got a very bad role. Judging by the age/skill of the other people there, I was one of the top three in voice skill, and the best at acting in general. When we got the parts, this camp (Read: CHILDREN'S CAMP. Nothing professional.) gave roles almost perfectly to those who looked the part. I really hate going there, and I feel like I should drop out, but I would also feel bad if I did that. What should I do?

    The Answer
    Do you want to be an actor?

    Then you need to suck it up, because for the rest of your life people will be getting roles for reasons you neither know or understand.

    At an amateur level, especially with children, there will be things that are actually much more important than pure talent. Things like knowing the young person is reliable and punctual and dedicated to working with the organization. Even in the professional world, directors and casting agents prefer the known quality - actors they know or have a solid reputation of being good to work with. It's not just about delivering on stage or on camera, the work it takes to get there is just as (if not more) important.

    If this was the first time you'd ever auditioned for this group, no matter how talented you might be, it was deeply unlikely you were going to get a leading role. You are an unknown. There is no reason for them to take a risk on you while they are trying to create a positive experience for all the young people involved.

    If you want to keep growing with this group, then be team player. Show up, know your role, and be supportive and kind to others. That is how you create a network of fellow artists who respect and value you. That is part of how you let the adults in charge know that you are reliable and can be trusted with a bigger part.

    If you drop out, you wont get a larger part the next time you audition, because no one wants to have to recast a role each time you decide you aren't satisfied. That hurts everyone.

    If you only wanted to do this for fun, not because you are serious about being a performer, or if you know you don't want to work with this group again ever, then go ahead and drop out.

    But if acting is what you want to do, you need to learn how to have a bit part, because every professional actor spends way more time in small part than in leading roles.
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    The Question
    Ok so my school makes our skirt be 2 in above the knee but the only thing is everyone wears it shorter. Plz dont say roll it or hem it or pull it up because we have to tuck in our skirt and thats againts the rules :) i have to go back TOMMORW
    ThX

    The Answer
    There is no magic spell here. You either have to make it shorter by removing fabric from the bottom (by heaming it) or removing fabric from the top by rolling it or raising it at the waist.

    There is a special kind of tape you can buy at fabric stores to help you heam something without having to see, but it's not always effective on heavier fabrics and wools - which your skirt is likely made of. Other than that, I'm afraid there just isn't a magically solution besides the obvious ones.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I am a 33 year old man and I have been having an affair regretfully with someone for 2 years. I have tried to break it off with her twice and she always threatens to tell my wife. As long as I am having sex with her she doesn't care about my marriage. I am continuing with the affair for the sake of my marriage and I don't know what to do.

    The Answer
    You need to tell your wife. Beg her forgiveness, and rededicated yourself to your marriage.

    If you want to save your marriage, that is your only real option.

    Either that, or you keep up with the affair until your mistress tells your wife, or wife finds out on her own.

    The only way you can rob this blackmailing woman of any of her power, is to come clean to your wife. Until you do that, she will absolutely power of you and your marriage.

    Until you are truthful with your wife, you have enslaved yourself and your wife, to this other woman.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    ***I'm not sure who this question was initially sent to when I wasn't logged in, but I wanted it sent to the entire pool, so if there is a duplicate, please delete the other, wherever it landed.***

    My husband travels a lot for work and is currently away for a few months. We've always talked several times a day whenever he's been gone, but 3 days ago, he said he needed a break to focus on work, but since he's still using his personal email a half dozen times a day--I know because it syncs w/ our home computer so I can see what he does, but I didn't look at it until it had been nearly 60 hours since hearing from him--I know he's not THAT busy because he's emailing plans for a big drinking/strippers party with his buddies. Originally he told me to save the date so I could go to an event that same weekend, but he's writing everyone else that no wives are allowed.

    So we did have a fight, which is undoubtedly the real reason he doesn't want to talk. He claimed I "wasn't on his side," in a conflict, and it drove him crazy that I didn't think my friend was wrong.

    My husband constantly asks me to look up other guys on dating sites to sleep with to make a sex tape for him, and I'll help him fantasize about it and say filthy things, but I've never actually gone looking or taken it seriously. He suddenly contacted two people on my behalf without asking me, which is really embarrassing, because we know them. One is a friend of his, who politely declined, but to teach my husband a lesson for pimping me out to his friends, I sent him a series of texts that made him think it happened for six minutes, during which time he was going crazy with jealousy and fear, so I thought it was over. Then, when I was planning on visiting my friend and his wife (the center of this conflict), my husband got the idea to propose to him he make a tape with me. So the offensive thing my friend said was he would do 1st & 2nd base, but nothing below the belt--and since he "told" my husband what would happen rather than collaborating; whereas I felt my friend & wife had their own limits, and since they were well below what my husband was requesting, he was merely asserting how far he was willing to go. Husband said the tone showed he was trying to move in and alpha-dog him, so I can't be friends with them. He's never made this kind of rule, and it would have been awkward for me anyway, so I didn't visit them.

    I want to make my husband happy; I don't know what drives him to these powerful, almost obsessive fantasies of me cheating on him whenever we talk dirty, but I know for sure he doesn't want it in real life and neither do I. I actually worried that he was cheating because being cut off is so unusual. I asked about other women and he said no one could hold a candle to me, I was being insecure. I believe him with about 98% confidence, but I still feel shut out, even if another woman's not the reason.

    Last time we talked, my husband threatens/jokes about being celibate, because he says that the only fix for one extreme is another. I feel like he's being unfair, but I don't know how to make him see/care that he's not treating me well when he plans juvenile parties, tells people to sleep with me, and cuts me off instead of talking it out. Also, if my friend was wrong, I'd like to be convinced so I can agree with my husband and make him feel better.

    The Answer
    Your husband needs therapy, ideally by himself and with you. But if he only willing to do one of those - then just get it started.

    He's being abusive. I know it's a scary word, but it's accurate. Exposing someone (you) to sexual situations they haven't consented too is abuse. The lies, the manipulation, the confused drive to both shame you and control you... It's impossible to guess why he is doing this, but the what is clear: he is demanding an unacceptable degree of control over you and he is deliberately exposing you to situations you haven't consented too.

    Your friend is not wrong to have boundaries, or to express them and stick to them. Your husband's inability to deal with another person telling him the truth and setting healthy limits is just another sign of how deeply confused he is right now and how desperate he is to exert control over others - especially you.

    If he can't get these impulses under control, or find healthier ways to express his sexual interests, he's going to loose you. Right? You don't plan on sticking this out forever if it stays like this, right? If not, tell him so. It's not a threat. It's just a fact. His behaviour will kill all the love between you two. Tell him to get his butt into therapy if he wants to keep his marriage.
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    The Question
    My fiancé and I have two young daughters (under the age of 3), we've been engaged for a long time (4 years) and have decided to start planning our wedding for next year. My future sister in law just got engaged and already has a wedding date picked. She sent me a text earlier and stated that she hopes her nieces can be flower girls in her wedding. Problem is, I wanted my daughters to have their first flower girl experience in my wedding. Is it rude to tell my future SIL that and decline (and possibly make family upset) or just hate the idea but agree to it anyways?!

    The Answer
    It is selfish, pretty much by definition. You are concerning yourself only with your own, personal, satisfaction, regardless of anyone else's feelings - including your own children's. You also haven't mentioned your fiance's feelings, which absolutely must be taken into account here.

    People are generally considered to be entitled to be selfish when it comes to their own wedding, but yeah, you are likely going to upset family members. It's always hurtful to decline an invitation to be part of a wedding party.

    Your children are quite young. The marriage of their parents will be a special, awesome thing, regardless of how many bridal parties they have been in before. Frankly, at their age I'd be thrilled to have a 'test run' prior to your own big day. It will likely help you avoid meltdowns on your wedding day, if they have a frame of reference for what is going on, and when their mom and dad will be busier and things will generally be more exciting and different for them.

    You are already special to them. Will always be special to them. They will not - in all honesty - remember your wedding very well in their adulthood given their ages. Most of what they will remember will be reflected in photos and stories you tell them. So trying to control their memories of which one was 'first' at this point in their lives is a bit silly. No one can tell you what will stand out in a 5 years old's mind when they are 20. The goal of being the groom at their 'first' wedding is goal that is really about your feelings, not what they will think of as their 'first' wedding. A much healthier goal for yourself and your children would be making sure that your wedding day is enjoyable for them and stress-free for the whole family. Allowing them to participate in a wedding prior to that might actually be a big help, not to mention an honour offered to them by a loving aunt whose feelings will almost certainly be hurt by your rejection.

    So talk to your fiance - but my advice to is to allow them to do it and NOT to sit back and hate it and resent your SIL. Your children are likely to pick up on that and assume your anger is about them (because children are magically able to make any unhappiness between adults their own fault.) So check this selfish impulse, celebrate with genuine happiness and use this first wedding as a good learning experience for your girls so they feel like pros by the time your own comes around.
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    The Question
    I'm one year into transition from M to F,had an orchi in December,been living as a female since.I've had my gender marker changed {social security,insurances,titles and deeds,driver's license,credit cards,etc.}I show significant growth in breasts and hips.I still get called Sir often and get stared at and called names (99% of the time by males of all ages}.I try not to show how hurtful these things affect me and try to exit bad scenes as fast as I can without crying {blood in the water and all that}.I often fear for my safety and am constantly looking for escape routes and safe places.My female friends say this is all part of the female experience and to get used to it.Now I wonder if I'm brave enough to be female,I never considered that being trans was always living in fear.What should I do now? I'm finally happy with myself and now I'm scared to go on.What do I do now???

    The Answer
    Goodness. You have to wait more than a few hours! It's not a chat room. Questions are screened, and even then, early morning on a Saturday is a slowish time!

    But you are right - chances are no one here has a good answer for you. You'd be best to reach out to a therapist or a support/social group for trans women. You are going through a very particular transition and struggles. Not everyone is going to be able to relate or offer good advice.

    It's true that being a woman - out in public - means being at risk for cruel comments about your body, about your weight, about what you are wearing. I live in a big city and it's unusual for me to get through a month without some form of casual street harassment. Some of it's simple rudeness like insisting I smile or cat-calling, and some of it is vulgar and/or frightening. Most women spend a lot of time being aware, on some level, of safe spaces and not safe spaces to be in, and when they are in spaces that are less safe, of ways to get away or get help quickly. That is, unfortunately, a normal part of womanhood.

    And it'll be worse for you than a ciswomen - unfortunately - because you'll not just get the harassment aimed at you as a woman, but also as a trans person. You are on the receiving end of a double-bill of bullshit. You ARE at a greater risk of violence than a ciswomen is. Your female friends were right - but also wrong - statistically speaking, you've probably got it much worse than they do.

    The best thing you can do is build a support network of positive people - including other trans and queer individuals - who you can talk too and be at peace with.
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    The Question
    my boyfriend made another facebook account hidden from me and the cover photo was a picture with this girl whom i do not know. i accidentally saw their pictures on july 2 2014 and i confronted him but he said that its not what i think thats why i decided to ask the girl..she said that my boyfriend was his boyfriend and she is pregnant. i ask him to choose and he said that he cannot leave the girl for the meantime since her pregnancy was quiet dangerous. he said that he was sorry and ask me to give him a chance to fix the mess he made. i ask for an explanation and he said that he met this girl on facebook march 2014 and courted her for fun. they ve been in a relationship on may 8 2014 but personally meet on june 2 and had sex. they meet again june 20 and had sex again. but now he is not sure if the baby is his thats why he is pulling away from the girl. and said that he is starting to fix the mess that he made. he also deactivated the facebook account that he temporarily made to prove to me that he wants to fix our relationship. i love him so much that i think i cannot live without him in my life. is it possible that the baby`s father is my boyfriend if they had sex on june 2 and june 20 only, and the last period of the girl is may 16-20? i have 3 things in my mind right now (1). move on and start all over again (2). give him a chance if the baby is not his because this is the first time he cheated and i think he deserve one last chance though i wouldnt give him a chance if the baby is his because our life would be complicated with the mother and his baby around (3). give him a chance and let him prove himself for a year or two that he is worth another chance. and also to test him if he can now be faithful to me. if he was able to that then i will marry him. what do you think is the best thing to do? we are in a long distance relationship.

    The Answer
    Your boyfriend could certainly be the father.

    You should dump him.

    You should dump him because there is a real chance that the baby is his, and it's not fair or respectful to use the baby's paternity as a the reason to break up or not. It's okay to not want to be with him if he has a baby, but don't stick around just to be sure, and then dump him when the DNA test comes back positive. He has no control over that at this point, and making your relationship contingent on the child's paternity will only encourage him to lie to you. If you know you don't want to be with a guy who has a kid, dump him now.

    You should dump him because asking him to 'prove himself' and 'testing' him is cheap move and a waste of your time and energy. Either you can trust him - or you can't. If you can't, no amount of perfect behaviour or tests is going to change that. If you can't trust him, dump him now.
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    The Question
    My brother told me about water poisoning. I drink a LOT of water a day, a lot that it's probably unhealthy, and now I'm kind of worried. I'm pretty sure I drink more than 8 cups a day.

    I'm going to start measuring 8 cups a day of water since that's how much I should have a day, but do I have water poisoning? How do I know if I have it? I googled it and read that it IS indeed true; It wasn't him trying to scare me.

    The Answer
    You have nothing to worry about.

    The people who get water poisoning drink litres of it - very quickly. The last women who died this way drank over 6 litres in an hour as part of a water-drinking contest. That's about the equivalent of 50 glasses of water. The human body just can't process water that quickly.

    Are you drinking 50 glasses of water in an hour? No.
    You are drinking the normal, healthy amount of water a person should drink.

    Don't get yourself stressed out. You are fine.
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    The Question
    What qualifies someone to give advice on this site?

    The Answer
    A willingness to help.

    There isn't much you have to do, but sign up and start answering. There is no test and no requirements to met in order to get started.

    Having said that, there are thing you can do that disqualify you. The site is moderated. If a columnist behaves badly, and insults people or gives them advice that would be harmful or illegal, then they are removed. Questioners too can be removed if they are predatory or cruel to others.
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    The Question
    Students are always using the essay writing service for their academic works.Some students are did not interest to do the their essay but some one will do their works.UK international relations thesis writing service guidelines is very benefit for the students works.



    http://www.clazwork.com/uk-international-relations-thesis-writing-expert-augon

    The Answer
    This is advice site, not a cheater-for-hire site. So my advice to you is to go shove your head up your ass. It's obviously not doing you any good on top your neck.

    If you are a student who is looking into having someone else write your work for you - don't. Stop now. These people are not honest - there is no reason for them to sell you a decent product when they can get away with scamming you so easily - and schools are getting better and better at catching these essays (which are inevitably sold to more than one person and often end up online). If you are overworked, talk to your teachers. If you can only do C level work, take the fucking C. An academic dishonesty charge against you will hurt your future far more then a whole semester full of Cs.

    I don't actually think any sane English language student is going to use a service that claims to be 'very benefit' anyways. If they are dumb enough to hire someone with such a weak grasp of the language, they probably deserve the failing grade they are going to get.

    They also deserve the charge of plagiarism and academic dishonesty that they are almost certainly going to get - since you have left out the simple facts that students who 'did not interest' in doing their own work, are cheating and can be thrown out of school - without a refund - and without a clear path to being let back in.
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    The Question
    How do you go about dating someone 20 years younger than you? Who has been a very special friend

    The Answer
    You probably shouldn't. Although you've provided no information whatsoever besides your ages, those ages do mean this is unlikely to be a good idea.

    Age is not just a number. It's a loose gauge of life experience and self-awareness. It also impacts our own expectations from relationships and the expectations others have of us.

    A twenty year old and a forty year old (assuming they are both mentally healthy) are very, very unlikely to have the same expectations from a relationship, the same needs or compatible long and short-term goals.

    Twenty years is a huge gaping crater to yell across. You'd be trying to communicate over twenty years of very different life experiences and significant generational differences as well. It's very unlikely that two people who are twenty years apart in age are going to be able to enter a romantic relationship as equals, who are working towards the same things in life.

    It's more likely that - no matter how careful you may be - there will be a huge power imbalance in the relationship, with the younger person deferring to the choices and desires of the elder. The older person is more likely to be settled, to have more firm plans for their future, and more likely to be financially stable than the younger person. The younger person is likely to be just really starting their career as the elder's begins to wind-down and plan retirement.

    Once the initial excitement has passed, all you've got left is the experiences that make that person who they are, and the goals that person has. If those two things don't line up, there is no way forward together.
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    The Question
    I got a job interview for a patient access representative position at a hospital in two days. I'm a little nervous b/c I blow it on my last job interview. In the last one, I told them I was registering for college soon but swore that it won't interfere with the job. It's full time. I was going to take online classes. The agency that connect me w/ the company said they were hesitant about hiring me b/c I was in school. I felt like I should not have told them that. It was almost like they were shaming me for getting an education? I'm in debt and really need the job. Do I have to pick one over the other to get this next job?

    The Answer
    Don't disclose.

    If your training can be done without effecting your availability for work, you are under absolutely zero obligation to disclose it. It's your free time, you don't owe them an explanation or information about what you do with your free time.

    If you can manage both, then you don't need to pick one of the other, but you are the one who should decide if you can manage both - You don't need to let perspective employers make that decision for you.
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    The Question
    Im 24 I was in an life or death accident and a couple of guys saved my life. I'm have contact with one of them and recently called me. He says ever sense that day he has feelings for me. Except I know he is about 6 years old and not to mention he is married. Is it possible this is true? Can it because of the accident? I'm not sure how to handle this appropriately.

    The Answer
    Before you worry about how to handle this appropriately, take a moment and recognize that what he is doing is not at all appropriate and you do not owe him anything besides your thanks.

    Is he targeting you because of the accident? Almost certainly. Does he mean what he says? Sure, he probably believes what he is saying, but that doesn't mean it's really about you at all.

    What he is saying should set off some red flags for you. He doesn't know you. It doesn't sound like he was a friend, or someone you've spoken to much since then. He is expressing a depth of feeling for you - a virtual stranger- that is bizarre. It's even more bizarre and inappropriate given that he is married.

    This sounds like the behaviour of a man who is confused, and maybe a bit unhinged. I would discourage you from meeting with him or having further contact with him. He needs to handle whatever shit is going on in his life that has driven him to develop such a bizarre belief about a woman he barely knows.
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    The Question
    Hello friends,

    My sleeping schedule has been very bad for about 2 months or so. Of course because of Summer. However, I go to bed at around 6AM-8AM and wake up around 1PM-5PM. I don't go anywhere much so it doesn't matter, but I hate staying up all night because of boredom.

    I don't need to fix it for school as I am in homeschool now, but I just overall hate my schedule and wish to change it. I'm thinking about just staying up until about 8pm the next day, but that would mean staying up for over 24 hours and I don't know if I could do that. I have anxiety issues and my anxiety seems to get bad when I get tired (Weird, I know) and it's HELL to deal with. Maybe I can take a couple small naps throughout? I'm not sure what to do at this point. Any advice very much appreciated.

    The Answer
    Don't try to 'reset' yourself all at once. That doesn't work. It's just not how the human body is designed to behave.

    Instead, shift your sleep schedule gradually by forcing yourself to get up a half hour earlier each day, and go to bed a half hour earlier each night. Sleep is about habit and routine. You can't just snap your fingers and change your body's expectations. You have to shift it slowly to a new pattern. If 30 minutes shift a night is too hard. Make it 15. But make a gradual shift each day.

    You also have to be consistent while you are changing this habit and for a while afterwards. No late night for a particular party or tv show or anything like that. Not until you have yourself firmly on the schedule you want to be on.

    Don't let yourself have caffeine or too much sugar in the hours before you want to go to bed. If you can't sleep, don't turn on technology. Glowing screens are the enemy of sleep! Instead, do something boring or relaxing. I find progressive relaxation techniques to be really helpful (they are dull as dirt and help to physically relax you). Google some and give them a try if you find yourself lying in bed unable to sleep.
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    The Question
    What would you do?

    My partner hid his diagnosis from me for 6 full months - actually he never told me, I found his medical report last month after becoming terribly suspicious that something was wrong, that I had been lied about something. Still don't know what to think about it and whether I want to continue the relationship or not. And while I truly do understand the fear of losing someone you love once the truth is out, I simply cannot grasp the fact that he did not insist on using condoms, this is simply beyond me. I tested negative last week but it is too early to know for sure. I don’t know what I would have done had he told me the truth at the beginning of our relationship or after a month or two, or ever, but I think what he did decide to do was the worst option possible.
    He did tell me at the beginning of our relationship that he was a recovering heroin addict and my reaction, being completely out of that world, was maybe too harsh. Now he claims that this reaction kept him from telling me about HCV. In the last 20 days we've been through many discussions most of which end with his conclusion that I don't love him enough, that I don't understand what he's been through and so on. I must admit that I am quite confused about what I want and feel at the moment.
    Thank you for your time.

    The Answer
    Dump him.

    It's him who doesn't love you enough to keep you safe from a communicable illness. Your previous reaction, no matter how inappropriate it might have been, is no excuse for putting you in physical danger without your consent.

    It's like arguing because you got angry at him for admitting to drunk driving, he isn't going to warn you if he is about to hit you with a car. It's moronic and evil. If he thinks his behavoir was defensible, he cannot be trusted. His moral compass is fundementally broken.

    Nothing he has been through justifies what he did. It might help explain why he made this mistake, but it does not excuse the mistake. Unless he can take complete responsibility for his horrible lie, he is not someone it is safe to be with.
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    The Question
    I have 3 dogs(Poodle/Shitzu mix, Miniature Schnauzer, and Yorkie), 3 cats, and recently got a rabbit(Flemish Giant).

    I have brick house, including a main floor, upstairs, attic and a basement, built in 1905. We know factual story's of Murders and have heard other things such as odd or even supernatural happenings in the house and have experienced some ourselves.

    The Cats tend to have no problem with any locations within the house, But the dogs refuse to go in the basement.

    They are fine in any other location of the house (though they hesitate to go in the attic, they will go up there), but the basement. Brittney (The mix)follows my Mom everywhere, but the basement.

    The Yorkie wont go down unless you carry him and then immediately runs back up.

    The Schnauzer refuses to go down there at all and if you carry/drag him down, he immediately runs back up like the Yorkie, only he only goes up the top few steps backwards. Always has and he wont any other way.

    The rabbits pen is in the attic, where my sisters room is, but we let him on the main floor during the day. And he freaks out whenever you carry him near the attic steps, and if he escapes from his pen he always runs down the stairs away from the attic.

    I'm not sure why this is, I guess it could be supernatural, but doubt it. I would like to know if there are any other reasons someone could think of.

    I am confused by their behavior, and it would be great if someone could tell me anything, even if it's just a theory.

    Thanks

    The Answer
    Lots of dogs don't like stairs. Especially going down stairs. They are made for us, our feet and legs, not them. They have to walk very oddly, since most are so front heavy they are basically hurling themselves forward and catching themselves on each step. Stairs suck for dogs. They are also usually too short to see well what is at the top or the bottom of them. It often appears dark at the top or bottom of stairs.

    Seriously, it's really probably that damn boring an explanation. If you google "Dog is afraid of stairs" or "Dog is afraid of basement" you'll get millions of hits and training advice. It's really a common issue. And if you let it fester without training it out of the dog early, it tends to just get more pronounced.

    Rabbits are really territorial. They consider everywhere they goes on a regular basis to be their territory and since it talks Rabbittalk, and your dogs and cats speak Dogtalk and Cattalk - it's probably never been challenged. The ground floor is it's territory. Maybe even more so than it's pen, in it's mind. You carrying it back to it's pen is a challenge to it's territory. It's far more likely it's throwing a defiant temper-tantrum than is being fearful. Try giving your rabbit it's meal when its returned to it's pen at night, or giving it treats at that time. That might make it less pissed off about having to go back, but you probably aren't going to change it's idea of what space belongs to it.
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    The Question
    Hello,

    We just moved to a new ground floor apartment. There is a terrace and a hedge which attracts a lot of unwanted wildlife.

    Does anyone know any proven tips to get rid of spiders? People tell me just to get used to them because they eat other insects, but I really don't like walking and being caught up in webs, or spiders the size of my fist running across the floor.

    I've read citrus, mint, lavender etc oils, but does anyone have any tried and tested things? These oils can be pretty pricey so don't want to keep getting things that don't work.

    I should add that the apartment itself is very clean and uncluttered.

    Thanks a lot, :)

    The Answer
    The best way to get rid of spiders, is to not let them get in.

    Check your baseboards and windows for cracks. Talk to the landlord about sealing anything you find. Make sure your screens don't have holes, and that everything that needs a screen has one.

    Once you make sure they can't get in, your best bet is just to make life miserable for the ones you've got. Clean dishes and remove recycling immediately. Take a broom and knock down any webs you find.

    Also remember that the last tenants might have been careless, and left old furniture or garbage that the spiders love.

    I don't know anything about oils discouraging them. I'm pretty skeptical that they'd work, since spiders are a hugely diverse group of insects. I'd put my time and energy into making sure they can't get in, ruining the spots they like, and waiting them out.
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    The Question
    Hi! I'm 13, do u think it would be Appropriate for me to get a rabbit vibrator like the one with the rabbit head for clit and the dildo moves around. Should I ask my mom for one or am I too young? Please help!!

    The Answer
    If you want to talk to your mom about this, then talk to your mom about this.

    I wouldn't really encourage a 13 year old to get a vibrator. Cleaned and cared for properly, there is nothing harmful about them. You aren't 'too young'. I just think you'd be better off learning about your body with your own hands and mind at this stage. Toys can be fun, but they can also help to create habits and dependancies aren't so much fun once you are ready to have sex with another person.

    Don't try to jump off the deep end into toy land. Have fun with what you've got. Your most powerful sexual tool is your own mind. If you don't absolutely need batteries to enjoy yourself, then leave the props be for a few years.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Anyone else remember "Pound Puppies?" Where would I find some of them now days? I would like to buy a little piece of my childhood back. ;) Thanks!

    The Answer
    Your best bet, straight up, is simply going to e-bay.

    For better or worse, a lot of 80s kids feel like you do! So some of the pound puppies are totally reasonably priced and some... are really, crazy expensive. Shop around. This is one of those cases where online is your best option - and really your only option. You could waste ages looking in thrift stores and never seeing one, and if you find one in a local vintage or consignment shop, it's likely to be marked way up. Just roll the ebay dice. That is where you are most likely to win.
    (View All Other Answers.)




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