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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
My eight year old (almost nine!) cousin really likes poetry. I recently bought "milk and honey" and she wanted to read it, but it wasn't exactly appropriate for someone that young, so I want to buy her own book of poetry for her for Christmas. Do you guys know of any good poetry books for children? It doesn't necessarily have to be 100% kid-appropriate- she's pretty grown up for her age. But definitely nothing super sexual, like in "milk and honey". Preferably it would be something kind of long with a great variety of topics, or even just something that the average eight-year-old could relate to. It'd be really cool if anyone knows of any books that include both poems and an explanation of poetry, like history and how different poems are written, stuff like that. If that makes sense. If anyone has any suggestions, I'd love to hear it!
The Answer
"How to Eat a Poem: A Smorgasbord of Tasty and Delicious Poems for Young Readers" sounds like it would right up your alley.
There is also a collection of illustrated books called Poetry for Young People that each feature a famous poet like Frost, Witman, Maya Angelou and has a brief bio and the right selections of their poems for younger readers.
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The Question
My fiancé asked me to marry him 2 yrs ago & we were planning to marry this September but I'm having doubts about it because we live together & his bank stmts have his mothers name on the acct with him! I've been divorced 24 yrs & he & I have been a couple for 7 yrs. The house he refers to as ours is in only his name on the deed & we filed a joint tax return last yr together. If something happens to him, His mother benefits. He also has a safe that I don't have access to either. I live 600 miles from my family but I'm in the same town as his mother, (he is an only child) 41 yrs old! We already have a trip planned to Hawaii but my feelings for him have changed. I told him that it would be him & me not him, his mother & me. He didn't say a word. Am I wrong for feeling this way?
The Answer
You are not wrong or over-reacting.
Although I will add this: I didn't remove my father from my checking account until I got engaged. Despite living with my partner for 5+ years, it honestly just had never been a problem and hadn't occurred to me. My father had been on my main checking account since I opened the account at age 8, and it just never occurred to me to change that.
I had my sister listed to receive everything I owned until I got engaged. The only reason it even occurred to me to change these things, was because my own father reminded me to update them.
You don't mention if you've ever spoken to your fiance about this before, but I'd suggest if you haven't, take a deep breath and do so. It does sound as though there is more going on here with his mother than just his banking information. You might want to have those conversations with a therapist. Pre-marital counseling is never a bad idea.
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The Question
I m living alone and i get a maid to clean every once in a while want to tease her and make her suck me or fuck her
How can i do it???
The Answer
You can hire a sex worker—assuming it is legal where you live—who is willing to clean your house as well.
Do not sexually assault someone who only wants to be paid to mop and dust.
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The Question
Why is 2% fat milk called 2% fat milk when 45 calories from fat divided by 120 calories = 0.375 x 100 = 37.5 calories from fat and not 2%?
The Answer
Because calories isn't the unit of measure being used to calculate that percentage. The 2% is based on the amount of the overall serving—not the % of calories the fat represents.
So, you've got 1 cup of milk overall—which is your serving size—and 2% of that cup (5 grams, or about 1 teaspoon) is the fat. You'll see on your label that 5 grams of fat is listed and then broken out by types of fat as well. So, that other .98 cups of milk has about 120 calories, and that 5 grams of fat has 45 calories in.
Worth remembering that a single gram of fat, contains way more calories than a single gram of pretty much anything else—and some of what is in your milk (like water) contain no calories at all.
I promise no one is trying to trick you. This has basically been the law about how milk is labelled for decades. Most other food as well have to calculate % by serving size, not by calorie content.
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The Question
So I am writing a fantasy book in which several Egyptian teenagers (along with a couple non Egyptians) time travel to the ancient Egyptian empire. It is going to be in 16th century BC as the Egyptian empire peaked at that time (if I am wrong correct me) and I want to know what it would look like. The vast majority of time travelers are girls and they all speak Arabic and English, so I am wondering several things:
1) how would they be able to get around in a society in which they cannot speak the language and have no integration in it other than their Egyptian heritage
2) what would the world around them look like? For example, what other civilizations would be there, and which would they come into contact to? What was going on at this time period?
*note that this is a fantasy story, I understand if this was a real scenario in which several teenagers ended up in the ancient world they'd die quickly
I thank anyone who answers in advance as I know this is a difficult thing to answer.
The Answer
I think you're going to need to a lot of research on your own to flesh this out.
I think some scholars would put the peak of the Egyptian Empire a bit earlier, closer to 1800 BCE. The Middle Kingdom era ends by 1640 and the empire was much more divided and less powerful by that time. A large part of it was taken over by invaders from Asia.
I don't believe there would be any Arabic in Egypt at that point. The spoken language of that time has been completely lost, and Egypt at the time was a relatively isolated empire. It would be very difficult for time travellers to get around.
Start with researching the Middle Kingdom era. There were a few different cities used as the capital at that time, and you'd be able to find out more about day-to-day life in those cities, and maybe find something that would empower your characters to survive.
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The Question
Are victoria's secret models' bodies unrealistic or are americans just delusional because they've collectively grown fatter over decades?
if their bodies are realistic then how are they real? every single video of them is photoshopped? every single paparazzi shot of them is photoshopped? diet and exercise trumps genetics. many top models "coincidentally" were athletic tomboys as children. many also come from developing countries where they weren't used to burgers and pizza all the time. it's no coincidence. we can't control our heights but we're in full control of our physiques if we exercise enough willpower.
it's very lazy when rather than trying to improve their bodies, people would rather change the standard, by trying to make plus size more acceptable. it's not a matter of preference. promoting plus size fashion is the same as promoting diabetes, heart disease, and other top lifestyle killers. people need to wake up. it's also disingenuous, because these same people saying you can never get to that "unrealistic" standard, or that models should eat more burgers, find those models FAR more attractive than the average figure. if average or plus size was just as good you wouldn't see so many gawking at victoria's secret models, sports illustrated models, and etc. these are real people. there are many real, non models with similar figures and it's no bloody accident. even if everyone in your family is obese you can still be slim like them as well with enough effort. i don't get why our society would rather pull wool over our eyes about this issue
The Answer
Bodies being 'real' doesn't mean those 'real' bodies represent something that is achievable, or even wise.
Models are unusual as human beings. They are real women in their teens and early twenties who are putting tremendous effort into maintaining the not-average, not common and not usual appearance because that appearance is valued.
Can anyone look like them? No. Should everyone try? Absolutely not.
Appearing 'model like' is not a good indicator of overall health. That's the wool that is being pulled over your eyes. The bodies we hold up as beauty ideals are not necessarily the healthiest bodies. Certainly not the healthiest bodies for every individual to try to achieve.
Are some people fat and lazy? Absolutely, but that doesn't make looking like a model a sensible or healthy goal.
Fundamentally, this why this judgmental shit you got going on is a problem: Your eyes can't actually give you the information you are claiming to have about other people. You don't actually know much at all about a person's overall health by looking at them. People can be heavy or thick, and still be in very good health. People can be thin and athletic, and actually be taking very poor care of themselves.
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The Question
We got a female pitbull puppy yesterday and i have 3 other dogs. Two sausage dogs and one husky. My one sausage dog cant stand her. He is very stiff and he used to be a very loving dog until we got the pitbull. He nibbles her ears but and keeps wanting to bite her. Hes bit her hard 3 or 4 times now therest are just snapping at her. How do we stop this and get him to be back to how he was? I dont want my dog to feel neglected or anything.
Also the puppy is teething socit bites everyone. How do we stop it from biting our dogs because they will bite her back?
The Answer
An older dog snapping at a puppy isn't necessarily a problem. It is part of how the older dog communicates boundaries, and lets the pup know they want their space.
Take the older dog to the vet, and make sure you are managing the pain and stiffness as well as possible. Dogs will be more aggressive in general if they are in pain. It's unlikely your dog is feeling neglected. The likely explanation is that it's fearful the puppy will carelessly cause it pain and it's working to protect it's own space.
As for the puppy, you need to exercise it frequently, and until it's so tired it's not looking to entertain itself by bugging the older dog. You also need to provide other appropriate things to chew on.
Talk to your vet if the aggression is beyond snapping, and nipping. But generally speaking, if the puppies skin isn't breaking, then the older dog is using appropriate communication tools to explain to the pup it needs to back off.
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The Question
16/f
Ive never taken any form of drugs before, not even weed. I went out with this guy now and we hooked up he then said " have you ever taken drugs before?" So i said no and he said " well i took acid just before i came here so if you start to feel sick then yeah" and i feel nauseas is it possible its that?
The Answer
Incredibly unlikely you are experiencing any effects from kissing someone who recently took acid.
Unless the drug was currently, visibly in their mouth (I mean, you need to basically still see the tab or strip—it hadn't dissolved yet) then it's pretty much not going to happen. If he took it 5-10 mins before kissing you, then it's dissolved. It's in him, not you.
The more reasonable explanation is that you feel nauseous because the idea of him taking LSD and exposing you to it (which unlikely to have happened) is making you nervous and upset. Maybe not a person to make out with in the future if you have that kind of nervous reaction to his behaviour and choices.
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The Question
My daughter is 15 and she has a friend that is 16 and pregnant and is having a baby shower. I am not sure if I should let her go what do you all think
The Answer
Is your daughter planning on having unprotected sex at the baby shower? Probably not. So yes. Your daughter should attend the party if she wants too, and show support and love for her friend.
If you are worried about your daughter's thoughts on what her friend is going through right now, or your daughter's own choices around sex, then talk to your daughter about that like she is a human being.
Unless your daughter is bouncing around talking about how much she wants to get pregnant right away, then there is no reason to step in. (And even if she is, refusing to allow her to go to the baby shower is still not an appropriate reaction.) It is not your place to punish a pregnant sixteen-year-old by denying her contact with her friends.
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The Question
So here's the story.
My friend is from France and he goes to college here in America. He wound up agreeing to marry a girl here so he could get his green card and because she seemed really nice. They wound up creating a joint bank account and everything to make the government believe they really loved each other.
Well she wound up becoming a monster after he married her. She quit working, lives in his apartment, uses his car, and cheats on him all the time even in his own place. He gets paid mostly in tips and only has the one bank account (with her) since he's not a full citizen for another 2 years.
Well she's been immediately taking his money out of their account and spending it on strange things like weekend trips without him in other states.
He said he needs somebody to store his money for him and wants me to be that person because he says I'm the only person he trusts.
Is there any way I can get in trouble if I just take the cash and hold it somewhere even if it's outside of a bank account (like just in cash form in a drawer or something)?
I've known him for a while and know he's not a liar, but still I worry because I don't want to get scammed by him or his wife. I asked him if he can wire it to family, but they're out of the country and this would be difficult for him and cost him money in wiring rates. If I hold it he can also easily access it.
I'm really worried about it though. Is there any way this could go badly as long as I don't spend the cash and don't deposit it in my account?
The Answer
No one here is your lawyer, so none of this advice is going to be solid legal advice.
However, I would not help you friend in this way. You may end up stuck with conspiracy or fraud charges. Either for helping him in his immigration fraud, or, what is likely also going to end up being tax fraud.
Frankly, there shouldn't be a reason he can't open his own account, where she can't touch the money, except for reasons that also mean you shouldn't get involved. If he hiding assets to avoid taxation, or because of the eventual divorce, both of those are crimes.
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The Question
Hello, I know this sounds weird, but lately I've been wondering how my ex-fiance is doing. We were engaged when I was 19 and had been together for two and a half years. Basically we were young and dumb and didn't know how life worked yet. We were fresh out of high school when we moved out of our parents and tried to get our own place and things just kind of crumbled from there due to events like financial troubles, disputing friends, and not sharing common interests.
Anyways after we broke off the engagement we didn't speak for six months because we had a really bad breakup, but then we decided to just be friends. For about a year and a half that worked out, we would just hang out every once in a while, and we both dated other people. I moved away to a different city eventually, but he would still come see me every once in a while and I him. Then he started wanting me back and I made it clear I didn't want him the same way. I was even dating somebody else at the time. After that he pushed me away and said we couldn't even be friends anymore and asked me to block his number. I didn't though because I thought he might just be drunk (he was at a party) and then he texted me again the next night and I answered him. Well he wound up getting mad at me for answering him and asked me why I answered him when he told me to block him so I got mad and really did block him.
It's been almost two years since then and I still hear about him every once in a while from old friends back home. I was thinking about messaging him just to ask how he's doing, but I don't want to stir up any trouble. I'd just like to find out if hes doing okay AS A FRIEND.
I'm currently dating somebody and have been for 4 months and don't want any conflicts arising. I see my ex-fiance as somebody who was my first boo you know and care about him as a person for everything we went through and I also want to find out how his family is doing because I was friends with his sisters, and how his kitty is (I really loved his cat), but I would never get back with him and love my current boyfriend.
Do you think it's a good idea or a bad idea?
The Answer
Probably not a good idea.
He was really clear about what he wanted. He did not want to be friends anymore. There is no reason to assume his feelings have changed. Reaching out now would be a fundamentally selfish thing to do. You're seeking your own happiness and to satisfy your own curiosity, even though the only thing you know for sure is that he asked you not to contact him.
It's totally unfair to try and be friends with someone who doesn't want to be friends with you.
If you want to know how his sisters are because they were once your friends, contact them, not him. He's told you he's not your friend. Until he chooses to contact you and tell you otherwise, you should respect that.
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The Question
A couple months ago I went to a party and got very drunk. A guy gave me a few Xanax pills and some lines of other drugs. We went into a hot tub and the water was too hot so I tried to get out but he pushed my head down under the water and then I blacked out. I came to and I was in a bathroom and my clothes were gone and the door was opening and then I blacked out again. I woke up and he was having sex with me. I blacked out again then woke up and I was blowing him and I tried to stop because I couldn't breathe but I blacked out again. This kept happening throughout the night where I would black out and wake up and he was having sex with me or I would be blowing him or whatever. I'm a recovering drug addict and have been speaking with my AA sponsor about this and she says it was rape. I feel sick and terrible every time I think about it and I can't stop crying. However I feel like it was my fault for getting too drunk, also I don't know if I said no or not because I was blacked out and unconscious the majority of the time it was happening. Was this rape or just me being stupid?
The Answer
You were raped. He gave you drugs to make sure you were unable to refuse. Because you couldn't have consented, you didn't consent. That makes it rape.
Your AA sponsor is correct.
Even if if you were too drunk, he had a basic human responsibility to NOT rape you. It's still stealing if you break into someone's house when they are out for dinner. It's not their fault for going out to dinner. They are allowed to go out for dinner, and they can still expect not to be stolen from.
You are allowed, as a human being, to be much too drunk, and still not be raped. There is literally nothing you can ever do, no mistake you can ever make, that means you deserve to be forced to have sex.
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The Question
So my whole life Ive been taught that the Ouija Board is not a toy, and I understand enough to the point that I dont even want to to touch or be near one, but I'm sort of curious and I kind of want to try it.... My friend says that to close whatever you've opened, you have to say goodbye, which I still think is bull, but he was raised on the same paranormal things I was.. He wants to use one on Halloween.. Is this true that you CAN control it and close anything you've opened to prevent a mess? Is there any other precautions you can take to ensure your safety? Or is it best, as always to follow my instinct and what my mother's taught me and keep away from it like always? I'm itching to scare myself this year, and do something dumb, but I dont want anything, especially that isn't human or that is negative/malevolent, getting attached to me.. Thank you in advance..
The Answer
If you have these sorts of anxieties, you probably shouldn't play with a Ouija Board.
Let's be straight up here: The Ouija board was invented in late 1890s and mostly used by suburban thrill seekers for some cheap scares. "Ouija" is a trademark of Hasbro, Inc. That's the same company that makes My Little Pony, Nerf guns and Play-Doh. As "paranormal: stuff goes, this is one of the most obviously made up pieces of marketing bullshit out there. It's a cheap, meaningless, powerless, toy.
However, if you believe in it, you are going to experience stress and fear, regardless of how perfectly you follow whatever 'rules' your friends say you are supposed to follow. That's not the fault of the piece of thick cardboard, that's your own mind messing with you.
Why do something that will only cause you anxiety?
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The Question
So this isn't exactly advice I'm looking for but more like an answer. Is it true that there are 7 people out there in the world that are identical to you???
I would love that more than anything, to meet like my secret identical twin, but I don't even know if its true, and if it is, how do I find her/them?
The Answer
Generically speaking—No.
No one is identical to you. Probably not ever, in the history of the human race. Not enough humans have been born since the beginning of time, that it's even a little bit likely that two Individuals would be identical, except for actual identical twins or clones. The rest of us are totally unique.
However, there are probably lots of people—probably way more than seven—who look, physically very much like you. Mostly, they are just people who have a similar bone structure in their face, and are close to your age and weight. Just because we're genetically unique doesn't mean some of us don't end up looking super similar. It's not identical, it's just similar enough that our eyes can't really tell us the difference.
Our eyes aren't actually all that great.
Plus, of course, there are simple camera angle tricks that can make two sorta similar looking people, look much more like the same person. That's not magic, that's just selective viewing. Seeing two people side by side in the real world a very different experience.
There are sites out there that say they'll help you find them, but a lot of those site do charge money, because this whole thing is just a silly marketing gimmick.
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The Question
My boyfriend lives somewhere other than me (Canada) and I'm in the U.S. We don't get to talk as much due to both of us being busy and me technically not supposed to date (Im 18 but cant move out cause I'm in school with a horribly strict family) I had a conversation with him that lasted about five minutes. he said he was doing something dangerous. And I thought he was joking. He said he was taking his friend to a pot deal in a really nice part of town (He doesnt do drugs himself) and was joking "As long as I dont get shot I'll be fine" I'm really worried about him but should I be? I dont want to tell him that because I dont want him to get upset (I have anxiety so that doesn't help much) What do you think I should do? (Please don't give advice like "Break up with him." I just want to know if I should be worried and if not, how I can be less worried)
Thanks!
The Answer
You don't need to be worried.
Buying small amounts of pot for your own consumption is relatively safe in most areas, and very safe in affluent areas of Canada. It's well known to everyone, cops included, that marijuana is being legalized here in 2017.
Although it remains illegal now, so there are still some risks, but really I'd hardly call it 'dangerous'. If my boyfriend wanted to buy pot, I'd just reminded him that no one should drive high. That's way more dangerous than purchasing it.
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The Question
I'm not really sure if this is the right place to ask, but can somebody tell me what the difference between a prologue and an exposition is (in writing)? And how do you write one without boring the audience to death?
The Answer
Welp, they are kind of boring, that is why they are usually just a small part of a much larger text.
For the purpose of doing a class assignment, you should really ask your teacher or a classmate what the difference is because the definitions they are using could be different than common use.
A prologue is basically an introduction before the action of the main story or performance starts. It gives the basic details about setting or main characters and is usually more explanatory rather than revealing.
For example, this is one of the most famous prologues in english lit, it's from Romeo and Juliet.
Two households, both alike in dignity,
In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,
From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,
Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.
From forth the fatal loins of these two foes
A pair of star-cross’d lovers take their life;
Whose misadventur’d piteous overthrows
Doth with their death bury their parents’ strife.
The fearful passage of their death-mark’d love,
And the continuance of their parents’ rage,
Which, but their children’s end, nought could remove,
Is now the two hours’ traffic of our stage;
The which if you with patient ears attend,
What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend.
All it basically tells the audience is these two great families in Verona are fighting, to the death, and two young loves will die over it. Keep listening and maybe you'll learn something.
Exposition is simply a word the describes the kind of writing that does what a prologue does, but it takes place within the larger story, rather than before it. If you ever read Harry Potter, whenever Dumbledore spends 3 or 4 pages droning on about the Order of the Phoenix before Harry was born... that's pure exposition. It just an information dump that provides background info to make the current story make sense.
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The Question
my bro is getting married to a hoebag with two kids by two diff men and she gets NO CHILD SUPPORT...her parents are wealthy and they bought her a house and they are paying for the wedding, that alone says this chic is broke...anyway since I don't approve of my bro marrying this user and he also told this user that I don't like her which is something she had already felt from the jump....which is true I cant stand her....I don't like people who use people and are gimmie gimmie chics.....anyway...my bro wont speak to me since I don't like the hoebag and of course he doesn't want me at the wedding since I don't approve, but my dad is making me go....but my bro reiterated to me don't go since you don't approve of it...I think he is making the biggest mistake of his life.....what would you/how would you handle this? thanks
The Answer
If you aren't invited to the wedding, don't go.
If you are invited, go, and be respectful.
The fact you don't like her, and don't approve of this marriage is well known. Showing up isn't going to change the fact everyone is totally, 100% clear about your opinion. You don't approve.
All that showing up, and not being asshole means, is that you love and support your brother even when he does really, really stupid things.
When someone is in a bad relationship, isolating them from family and others who love them is the worst thing to do. If you want to be there when he needs you, that means not shutting him out now.
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The Question
Hello, I am a 13 year old girl. My parents are Catholics and so is most my family (and it's not like the non Catholic ones are outside of Christianity-they are methodists, protestants, etc) but I'm Wiccan, and have been for 4 years. Well, actually, ever since I was really little I never fit in with the church and thought other things, I just didn't find a name for it until later. I do as much as I can to practice my faith. But my parents (particularly my mom) want to force me into it! My mother keeps saying "blah blah blah take the good with the bad!" But if I can find a religion (*cough* Wicca *cough*) that (in my opinion) has no bad why should I settle for something else?! And she keeps talking about keeping an "open mind" but I have and that's why I'm Wiccan! My plan is as soon as I'm off on my own I leave the church (I've done research and found out how), join a coven and say bye bye to Catholicism but I just feel so sick thinking about having to be catholic until I'm an adult. I study very hard in school so I can get my own place and support myself as quickly as I can, and leave quicker. What I want to know is, is this legal (I live in New York) and if it is, how else can I get out of this? Absolutely no part of me wants this.
The Answer
I'd suggest talking to your pastor or priest (or, ideally, in a larger church you'll probably have a catechist who is in charge of preparing people for the sacrament of confirmation) and telling them you don't want to be confirmed, because it would be a lie to say you believe and are committed to the Church.
There are lots of things your parents can make you do. For my part, I always happily go to mass with my parents, because it's something that is important to them as a member of the family. I don't participate in sacraments, but I sit and listen out of respect to my families traditions.
However, confirmation is a public affirmation of faith, and you shouldn't feel compelled to make it. Officially, the church doesn't want you to be forced to lie. Chances are good that if you are honest that you do not believe the affirmations of faith, the church wont want you to be confirmed. Your parents might expect you to lie, but most priests and faith leaders I know would rather you be honest, even if that means honestly not being Catholic.
On a personal note: I was confirmed at age 14 even though I know I didn't believe in the Catholic Church at all. My parents didn't force me, but I felt too afraid of disappointing my family to not go through with it. Although I do regret not standing up for what I believed in back then, it has had absolutely zero effect on my life now, besides that small bit of regret. It was a meaningless lie pressured out of a young teenage girl.
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The Question
Hey im 14 and my family has this little japanese mini truck that i absolutly love to play aroumd in and would like to buy cosmetic items such as stickers and new seats and steerimg wheel and just all round express myself artistically with the truck. But when i confront my parents to buy the items on amazon my dad says no and talks about how the truck isnt a racecar and suuch. He even argues the fact im using my own money and that money should go to college. Any ideas on how to confront my parents about my hobby which they dont really approve of.
The Answer
If it's not your personal vehicle—that you own—then you have no real way to insist on blinging it up.
In this particular case, it doesn't matter why your father doesn't approve, he doesn't need to have a good reason. If the truck is his, he gets to make this decision.
I think Adviceman has a very good suggestion to talk to your parents about buying the truck, but, that doesn't guarantee they will be willing to sell it to you, or give it to you.
Which means you may need to consider other ways you can exercise your creative muscles. It sucks, but it's a reality of life, that sometimes something we really want has to wait. At fourteen, I really wanted a dog of my own, but I had to wait til I was nearly 30 before I had a safe home and steady enough life to get a puppy of my own. My mother saved and planned till she was over 40 to take her dream trip and spend months in Italy.
Don't look at the truck as something that is just there that you can use. It's not yours. If it can become yours, that's a good approach. If not, start saving and working towards your big plans. Finding creative outlets you can afford now will help you prepare for your future creations.
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The Question
Hello, I'm 22 and a recent college graduate with my bachelors. I worked retail for four years before I got my present job as a lead teacher at a preschool. It won't be my forever job but it'll give me the experience for my resume which will, in turn, help me get a good job for my degree.
Anyway, per state laws: I cannot be the only adult with my 10 children as there is a 5:1 ratio that I need to follow. So I have an assistant teacher. She's been working here for about two years so she knows her stuff but I also think that she really doesn't like me. I went in this past weekend to take all of last school years things down and put up my own. It took me longer than I anticipated to take everything down so there is more stuff bare than full. I came in this morning so excited for my assistant to see my new bulletin board and everything and she yelled at me for changing the room and making it look bad. When the overtime was offered to change the room over the weekend, she told me that she wasn't coming in on the weekend and that I can do whatever I want. Then she goes and yells at me for doing just that. Today, my kids were painting for their craft and as I was cleaning them all up in the bathroom, one got into a box of toys that I didn't see and my assistant yelled at me and told me that I need to be better at doing two things at once.
I really don't want to confront my boss about it but it's going to make this whole school year miserable for me if she keeps demeaning my work here as well. Plus, I've only been here for about two weeks. I just don't know what to do about her and how to make the situation better. I always ask her how she does things and advise so I don't do anything wrong in her eyes and it always just backfires.
The Answer
"That's not an acceptable way to speak to me."
Seriously, if she yelling, she needs to be told clearly, that that is not how you'll accept communication in your classroom.
If there is a problem after that, then do ask your boss what advice he'd give you to deal with her negativity, and her raising her voice.
Just like one of your little students—she doesn't have to like you. She has to follow the rules and not be cruel to those around her. Next time it happens, take her aside and let her know that she is not using appropriate ways to express her opinions or unhappiness.
Stop trying to win her love, and start being the leader in the classroom. If she is yelling at you, or being endlessly critical, you need to tell her she's not performing to the level expected. I know it's can be awkward in a new place, because of course you value her experience, but if she must be expected to share that experience in professional and polite ways.
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