askNinjaNeer
advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: okay so I'm sixteen and I've been diagnosed with aspergus but that's not what this is about. basically i am depressed and confused and a whole lot of other things. I don't know how to explain this but I feel like my mind works differently to everyone else's. This may sound weird but I literally can not handle the fact that my life is meaningless, what i'm saying is when i die no one will remember me. The way i see it is that we are just little dots on the earth and we live out the same routines. it's like were robots who are programmed to just perform meaningless tasks until were no longer needed. All we do is grow, work then die and we all follow the same trends as well. no one is truly original, someone will have the same job, thoughts or opinions as you. you might say something like it's not about any of that and we just need to live our live to the fullest, but for what? To have it all wasted and thrown away after a few years. I know some people might say that we all have a purpose, for example I play the drums and I always wanted to be a drummer when I grew up but there has been millions of drummer's before me and how is playing the drums going to give me a purpose? It's not like I'm changing the world. which brings me onto another point. you might say that some people's hard work will live on forever but it won't. We will all be forgotten eventually no matter how important we were when we lived. You might think this is just negative thinking or maybe just puberty but to me this is awful. It's all i think about and it's horrible. This probably sounds stupid to you but this is killing me. I don't even know what i'm trying to ask but can you just give me some advice.
What you're wondering is something we all wonder about at some time or another. Some turn to religion, others aim to excel in their work, but I like to look at things in a more simple way.

Humans are, statistically speaking, not all that important. Each human occupies a tiny area on a tiny sphere hurtling through a tiny area of the universe. That can really get you down, but it's not all bad. What it means is that you don't need to do huge things in order to make a difference.

Not everyone is going to be famous, or save lives, or be the best at something. That's just fine, because everyone has an impact on those around them. That's what makes us important.

So smile at strangers on the street. Reach out and help others whenever you can. Say something nice to a friend. When you do something good, that good has a ripple effect and can change the course of history in a tiny way. We're all tiny, but just like a virus can bring down a football player, a person's actions can help them live on.

Q: im posting this to Ninjaneer recently i sent you a question on how to get a program on netflix and it still has not made in there so i hope this one makes it in there if youre Ninjaneer please receive this thank you .
If you have a request for Netflix, you can contact their local customer service.

I rejected your previous question on this matter. I did so because you had asked me to contact Netflix for you to get a cartoon put on their roster. I may volunteer my time on Advicenators, but that doesn't mean my time is freely available. I am a full time college student and have my own home life to live; I don't have time to do simple Google searches or to contact companies for people. I am here to give advice, not to run errands.

I am more than happy to answer any advice-related questions you may have, but will continue to reject any questions like this.

Q: 20/f

It happened recently that guys just come to me and expect comfort or try to get me and sleep with them (in which they don't succeed.) It's like no one even considers me a girlfriend option. It's either the guys that are crazy about girls who don't even deserve them or the ones who think I'm young and naive and will just surrender to them. I am not that pretty,but I have a strong character,I'm caring,I'm intelligent,and I also have many other qualities. It's just that I'm pretty much invisible. Is it me,or is just the world overcrowded with idiots?
When you're 20, the world is definitely overcrowded with idiots. People your age are still stumbling around, trying to figure out who they are, which sounds like something you have figured out already.

A lot of guys have the idea that they're not mature enough for a relationship, so they should get their physical jollies and move on. As you grow older, they'll settle down and start figuring out that they want more out of life (most of them, that is).

Maintain your self-respect and don't change who you are for someone else. Eventually, you'll find someone who appreciates that.

Q: A year ago I was diagnosed with chronic schizophrenia & psychosis. I had a doctor's appointment yesterday and they kept asking me was I ok and have I ever thought about killing someone or myself. I have thought about killing myself by overdose, or just jumping from somewhere and dying.Sometimes I wish I could die in an accident, whatever is quick. I have no family or friends to talk to. I have family problems, i'm homeless and I've been bullied all through school and have low self esteem. If I told a doctor I wanted to kill myself would they try to force me in a mental hospital?
Dragonflymagic is sort of right, sort of wrong.

Will you be hospitalized against your will just for having suicidal thoughts? Absolutely not. However, you may be hospitalized if you meet certain conditions; it's happened to me before.

If you tell a medical professional that you have suicidal thoughts, they're going to ask you if you have a plan. They will also ask you if you can make a contract with them to not harm yourself. If you can contract with them, you are generally let go. It's when you have a solid plan and refuse to agree not to follow through with it that they may hospitalize you, often for just a few days until you are deemed okay to be released.

If you're experiencing symptoms, you should tell your doctor. Without complete information, your doctor can't help you. It's very important that you become comfortable with telling them about what you're going through.

Q: Someone asked the question, why would a married man want to cheat with a married woman. I read the tale of a married woman having an affair with a married man. She's tried everything to get her husband to turn on but nothing has worked. She is in love with the married man who claim he won't leave his wife, but says he loves his lover. Long story short, these lovers are IN LOVE WITH EACH OTHER AND THEIR MARRIAGES ARE OVER. Until the truth is faced head on, you will suffer. Don't listen to people who say it's wrong. They know nothing. They are preaching but don't know what it's like to be in your shoes.
Marriage is, in my mind, when two people decide to work together to enjoy their lives together. How they go about it is their own choice: there's no such thing as a single definition of a healthy relationship. Everyone's needs are different, and everyone's life experiences will contribute to a different perspective.

When someone has an affair, it is, by nature, dishonest. It involves one partner carrying on a relationship of some sort with another person without their significant other's knowledge or consent. It puts their partner at risk physically, and damages trust.

Am I saying that it's wrong to have sex outside of a marriage? Not necessarily. If a person talks to his or her spouse about wanting more, and that spouse consents to an alternative arrangement, I think that's fine. This isn't cheating, because cheating involves dishonesty and betrayal.

It isn't fair to your partner to carry on extramarital relationships without their permission. If you want something out of your relationship that you can't get honestly, then you should consider whether you want to be in that relationship still. If you want to have children and your spouse doesn't, is it okay to sabotage birth control to get what you want? If your spouse wants to move across the world but you don't, is it okay for them to sell the house and arrange for you to move without your consent? The decision to involve outside people in your sexual life should be treated similiarly. Both partners should be equally involved and considered in decisions.

I'm fairly progressive when it comes to tolerance for alternative lifestyles. I can understand that plain and simple monogamy isn't for everyone. However, I do think it's wrong for one partner to make decisions without consulting the other, simply because they're afraid of getting caught. Having an affair is an inexcusable breach of trust.

Q: Okay, so I was really freaking bored and stupid and came across something called "MK Ultra" and things about mind control. I researched about it and it's really scaring me. Like, seriously. I'm still confused about it all, but what if I get it or I have it? 2 million of Americans were victims. I'm so terrified. I have really bad anxiety and depersonalization, causing me to get scared over this and think I'm being controlled by somsone. What are symptoms? What happens?! I'm so terrified.
WERE victims is the key here. The MKUltra program ended in the 70s. It is interesting to read about, but it was an unsuccessful program.

The government was experimenting in mind control for military purposes. Their techniques were questionable, and the studies involved no consent from participants. Any study done now requires full consent from the participant.

Unless you took a bunch of LSD from a guy in a suit back in the 60s, you should be fine.

Q: recently i discovered the two irish comedy movies called the Snapper and Agnes Browne and they are both based on books by similar authors Roddy Doyle and Brendan O Carroll and if i do end up finding them in the movie store i hope they are in the comedy section i even compared them online so anyhow do you think they are similar if you have heard of them and if youre Ninjaneer please receive this in your advice column thank you .
Unfortunately, I am not familiar with any of the names or titles mentioned in your question. I would suggest looking up the movies on Rotten Tomatoes or IMDB to see if there are any similarities.

Q: This big girl in my school who used to be my friend but she all of a sudden started hating me Wich mainly revolved around my weight because whenever we got into an argument it somehow went to how small or skinny I am (small really doesn't make sense she's a fucking INCH taller than me) and it's ridiculous to end a friendship on that and you should see comments online, I wish I could show you the links but I'm anonymous and I don't wanna be banned but one article said skinny girls aren't people and they starve themselves. All about Dat bass doesn't say all body types are buteafull it says skinny girls are ugly and guys only like girls with big butts. And anaconda is worse. You'd know if it was reverse (ex. Fucking dem fat bitches) world war 3 would be declared. I'm skinny. I'm naturally skinny. Nicki Minaj used to be like me until she got surgery on her ass. I'm not anorexic. I like big macs. I'm not skin and bones or a twig. I would die if I were that thin.
You asking this question as a naturally thin person is like a male questioning the existence of misogyny. Sure, you can find examples of the opposite if you look, but you're really only going to know the truth if you walk a mile in the other person's shoes.

Some people are going to say that skinny people aren't attractive to them. That's within their rights. Some people aren't going to be attracted to people with blonde hair, or people who are tall. What thin people don't tend to experience is full blown daily harassment.

I'm a fat chick. I live fairly healthily. I exercise daily and eat my veggies. Just so you know where I'm coming from.

You like Big Macs. So do I, from time to time. But I bet you've never been shamed out of eating one in public: I have, to the point where I have thrown out my food before. I get constant diet advice, often from people with unhealthier habits than I have. I've been approached by complete strangers to tell me I shouldn't be eating something I'm eating if I dare to eat anything other than a salad in public. People feel the need to constantly tell me how unattractive I am.

It doesn't stop there. Until I started seeing my current doctor, every time I went to see a doctor the problem would be attributed to my weight. My blood sugar is probably better than yours. My cholesterol and blood pressure are actually low. But one look at me, and they'd have all the answers (in their minds). It meant that countless illnesses including a chronic mental health condition went undiagnosed because of my weight... because I don't deserve proper medical care as a fat person.

Nobody assumes you're lazy, smelly, stupid or any of the other qualities that people attribute to fat people. Nobody walks up to you to tell you that you have such a PRETTY FACE, but if only you lost some weight... It's not fun.

In short, to answer your question... it's not so much teasing as it is daily micro-aggressions that build and chisel away at your self worth bit by bit. It does happen.

Q: last year i asked a question called How to Get Rid of a Tv Program and it had something to do with the Big Bang Theory and recently i have searched the web for it but cannot find it so am i wandering has it been removed or is it still on here please respond if you are Ninjaneer becuase i am sending this to your advice column as a private message thank you .
I took a quick look, but couldn't find it myself.

Q: i am asking this to Ninjaneer whom i have not asked to in a long time anyway Comedy Central has aired some sci fi comedy movies like Coneheads Austin Powers International Man of Mystery Galaxy Quest Encino Man Spaceballs and the Mask but the one i really want them to air is Mars Attacks and i looked at images for it including the ones with Jack Nicolson online and that made me sense a possiblity that Comedy Central might air it so how can you get them to it are there any letters online i can write and ps i hope you get this in your advice column Ninjaneer its really important
Comedy Central has a programming feedback page here, where you can submit your suggestion. There's no guarantee that they would play it, necessarily, but it's worth a shot.

http://www.cc.com/help/programming-feedback


Q: What qualifies someone to give advice on this site?
I'd say the main qualifications for giving advice on this site are life experience and a drive to help others.

Life experience doesn't mean that you have to be old and wise to give advice... everyone has their own unique experiences to share no matter how old they are or how easy/hard their life has been. We all go through our ups and downs, and this site is a great place to put that experience to good use.

Q: Once I have anal sex and it didn't slipper to my vagina, am I still a virgin? (Stressed)
It all depends on your personal definition of virginity. To some, virginity is lost when the then is broken; however, this can happen without any sexual contact at all. Many define it as not having had penetrative sex.

I can't tell you if you are still a virgin. Only you will know that.

Q: Can't breath properly
If you can't breathe properly, that's definitely a situation where you need to see a medical professional. I know that sometimes it's difficult to afford medical care, but you don't want to mess with issues like this.

Q: where is Niagara Falls?
If you\'re planning on going to Niagara Falls, you\'ll want to come to Canada instead. The American side isn\'t nearly as built up as the Canadian side, and the Horseshoe Falls that everyone thinks of are actually in Canada!

It\'s located about a 3 hour drive from Toronto. It\'s not a huge city, and it\'s pretty touristy. Just steer clear of Marineland (a popular marine animal attraction that\'s been accused of abuse) and watch for the tourist traps. If you\'re coming in the summer, try to get on the Maid of the Mist boat, because it\'s really cool. The Behind the Falls attraction is really neat as well. Just be warned; in the summer it\'s insanely busy and quite expensive.

Niagara Falls itself is gorgeous, and I feel pretty spoiled to live nearby! Even as someone who goes there multiple times a year, I still think it\'s fantastic.

If you\'re coming to the area, I\'d strongly suggest just doing Niagara for a couple days and then getting away to somewhere less congested. There\'s so much to see nearby, and it\'s a shame that so many people go to a small town and then go home right away. Try to spend some time in Toronto, or even get away to cottage country for a while!

Q: I have to fly out for a funeral and the airlines no longer offer a bereavement rate. :( I don't have much money, but I have to say goodbye. Is there a way to find a cheaper flight with short notice? They want over $1,100 because there is no advance notice, and I am a waitress and a student. Thank you for helping me.
One of my favourite places to look is Hipmunk. You can see a comparison of different airlines, times, layovers, etc.

Have you looked into alternate methods of transportation? I know that when I had to go work a long way from home the train or coach buses could be a good option. It might suck to take a bus or train across the country, but it may be cheaper.

Q: Okay so im 14/f and since i was 11 ive identified as a lesbian (that was when i figured it out) but now im starting to question myself. I know im definitely not straight, 0% chance, and i highly doubt bisexual, i dont know it just doesnt quite feel right, neither does pansexual but it does sound closer to what im looking for. Im romantically and sexually attracted to girls, but sometimes i meet a boy, (and when i say sometimes i mean this has happened twice in the past 3 years) and im just like, "You. You are sweet and really cute and i want to be really close with you and hug you but i cant necessarily see myself with you or anything" but its just confusing me bc it *feels* pretty freaking similar to a crush but im just not attracted to boys?? I dont think I am?? I feel like I might be maybe homosexual and panromantic? does that sound right or am i just confused with all the labels? Thank you in advance to anyone who helps
I\'m going to echo Adviceman here; don\'t bother with the labels. It took me until after I was married at 25 to figure out what exactly you would call my orientation. You\'re way too young to know exactly what you\'re looking for at this point, simply because you haven\'t had the experiences to confirm it. You\'ve got a lot of growth and development to go through before you\'ll really know for sure.

Q: Don't try changing my mind, I want to die and I will.

Everyone hates me, I get bullied at school cos of how I look, what I like, my stupidity... pretty much anything about me. Even my family hate me. There's nothing to live for.

I just wanna know if there are any quick and painless ways to die, just so I don't have to die a horrible slow death cos I'm just a pussy...

If I get any lectures about how "life is precious", or "don't die, you'll be missed", or "suicide is selfish", I wil ignore them and if I don't find any quick and painless ways to kill myself, I guess I'll just have to stop being a pussy and die the hard way. I won't feel the pain when I'm dead anyway I guess...
You\'re not going to get the answer you\'re looking for here. Both for personal ethical reasons and for legal reasons, we can\'t advise you on illegal activities, suicide included.

I\'m not going to give you meaningless platitudes, but I\'m also not going to tell you how to kill yourself. What I am going to say is that you should hold on, because things do get better.

I know that school seems like everything to you right now. Having been through it, I can easily say that things get better every year. The older I get, the less the things that happened in elementary and high school matter. I was bullied terribly, but I can\'t even muster up the tiniest bit of anger or resentment now. It seems hard to believe from where you are now, but the wounds you\'re dealing with now won\'t feel so deep later in life. The scars will fade, and you\'ll emerge from it a stronger person.

You talk about stupidity, but you want to commit the ultimate act of stupidity; cutting a promising life short for the sake of a few idiots. Why let them have the satisfaction? They\'re not worth it.

I know it\'s hard, but keep hanging on. It will get better eventually.

Q:
I am being intimidated and i dont know what to do.

I cant give you the specifics because it seems so unbelievable.

and everyone I know has turned a blind eye to this issue so I don't know how to complain about it.



If you can\'t give us any specifics whatsoever, the best I can do is give you some general advice. In the future, it would be helpful if you could include some information about your age, where the incidents are occurring and some vague outline of what\'s going on. Intimidation can range from a bossy mean girl at school to full-blown stalking. Without more knowledge, we\'re limited in what we can do.

Basically what it comes down to is the severity and location of intimidation. If someone is picking on you at school or work, this is a problem you should be bringing to your higher-ups. If your direct boss/HR department/teacher won\'t take it seriously and you feel that your safety is at risk, then you should consider escalating to a higher level of management.

If you are being intimidated in a criminal manner, such as stalking or threats, you should involve your local police. Measures can be put in place to ensure your protection.

Q: Okay so I have been with my boyfriend for almost three months and, in my mind, things have seemed to be going okay. I'm 16 he's 15 and this is the first relationship for both of us, we're also both quite shy people so the relationship is moving quite slowly. We see each other most days at school and we've met up a few times at weekends and we don't text an awful lot. People say that we can't really class ourselves as being in a relationship and that we're being pathetic. I can kind of see what they're saying seeing as we don't make any physical contact with each other - we've awkwardly hugged once but that's as far as we've got.

I wouldn't mind moving things on a bit faster and being in contact with him more but I'm not really sure how to go about it. I have social anxiety so I am constantly scared of saying something wrong or annoying him by texting him too much.

Also, my best friend told me the other day that she and this other boy basically forced my boyfriend into asking me out. I had no idea about this now I'm worried that maybe he didn't have any intention of asking me out and he only did it to stop people bothering him.

On the other hand, he has bought me really nice presents for Christmas, Valentines Day and my birthday and always responds very quickly and positively whenever I suggest we meet up. He spends time with me at school rather than his friends and always seems to be happy spending time with me.

Basically I'm confused - I want a relationship that people don't class as pathetic but I don't know if that's what he wants.
You know what\'s funny? 10 years ago when I was 16, that\'s actually what relationships were like. Texting wasn\'t widespread... you\'d go on dates on the weekend, and talk sometimes in between. Dating never used to be this all-consuming monster that it\'s become.

You guys aren\'t pathetic. You\'re taking a sensible, level-headed approach to your relationship. The people who have nothing better to do than put doubts in your head are the pathetic ones. You keep going at a rate that makes you happy.

Q: Which thing is best as a birthday gift for my daughter (5 years old)?
I think it really depends on what type of girl your daughter is. I was overjoyed with gifts of Lego and a chemistry set, but other girls like tea parties and dress-up.

Try to get clues from your daughter. What sort of things is she into? What are her interests? Any way that you can indulge her natural passions is fantastic. Get creative, too; sometimes the best gift is an experience. Maybe she\'s super into animals, so you could take her for one-on-one time at the zoo. Things like that.

As for toy suggestions, something I\'ve found interesting is Goldieblox (http://www.goldieblox.com/). It\'s designed by an engineer with the goal of teaching girls engineering foundations. It\'s the sort of thing I would have loved as a kid.

bio
NinjaNeer
My Personal Forum

My name is Amanda and I'm 26 years old. I'm currently studying electrical engineering. Armed with a fairly odd sense of humour and a sunny outlook on life, I'll take on just about anything. I'm also cussedly stubborn, which has its ups and downs. Things get tough sometimes, and I've never been one to run from it.

In my last 8 years with Advicenators, I've gone from honours student to failing out of university (and getting back on top again!), from single to married, from tenant to homeowner.

Until lately, I have been struggling with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder and OCD, which had basically ruined my life and taken just about everything from me. I'm thankful every day for every experience I've had because of this ordeal, because it's helped to make me who I am today. Things like that really make you appreciate what you do have. Now that I'm back in work and school and starting to become myself again, I couldn't be happier. I credit Advicenators with saving my life back when I was a teenager, which is a big part of why I'm still here.

I won't necessarily give you the answers you want to hear, but I'll always be honest and do my best to help.

Info
Gender:
Female

Location:
Ontario, Canada

Occupation:
Student

Age:
26

Member Since:
February 14, 2006

Answers:
2163

Last Update:
October 16, 2014

Visitors:
55754

Main Categories:





Favorite Columnists















layout by Adam Particka


eXTReMe Tracker