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Q: I'm not here to judge anyone by their response but how many parents believe in smacking their children on the butt with a belt or paddle when they're bad? Growing up I had this done to me and always wondered if it's right or not and where other people stand on this issue.
I'm not a parent, but I grew up with spankings and the belt as a kid.

I think there's a time and a place for corporal punishment. For example, you can't reason with a screaming two year old who's trying to do something that will seriously hurt them. I think a couple of bum smacks isn't a huge issue in a case like this.

Personally, I do think that any physical punishment for a child who is of a reasoning age is not productive. All that I learned was to be afraid of my father, and that hitting is a reasonable way to deal with someone who isn't doing what you want them to. Somehow my parents were surprised when I went on to hit my younger sister when she didn't behave while I was watching her.

The other issue is that it's really hard to regulate when certain things are allowed and others aren't. If it's okay to hit a child on the behind, how hard? How many times? With what? It's a really gray area so it's easier to just err on the side of caution and outright ban it.

Q: I didn't do so good on my report card this semester. I know I am really smart and if I just study I could be getting straight A's. But honestly studying is such a drag! I can't do it for anything. If anyone has any ideas of how I can make studying fun, then I would love that! Thank you!
Studying may not be fun, but there are ways to motivate yourself.

It's important to have a good study space. Many will say to have a quiet, clean space with no distractions. This may not be the case for you. Find out what works. Try studying on the couch, on your bed, on the floor, in the library, in a cafe. Study with music, without music, in front of the TV, with friends, alone. Figure out what works for you. It's different for everyone.

Scheduling can be a great tool. I like to tell myself I'll study a certain subject for a certain amount of time. I use planning tools (like Google Calendar) to block out the time that I will use after estimating how much time I will need to cover that subject. That ensures that the time I am supposed to spend studying isn't spent goofing off, and also ensures that I get some free time to enjoy myself instead of bashing my forehead into my textbooks.

I generally motivate myself with rewards. One tactic I've used in the past is small snacks like chocolate covered raisins. Finish a question, get a raisin. For larger-scale motivation, I also find that withholding things I like until I've finished a set amount of work is good. You can actually get apps that lock your devices for set amounts of time. If I would rather be playing video games, it helps to know that I'm not allowed until I've finished all my homework. The less procrastinating I do, the more fun I get to have after the fact.

I strongly suggest that you look into what type of learner you are as well. I'm sure you've heard of the 3 main types: visual, auditory and kinesthetic. I had a lot of trouble until I learned that you can be a blend of multiple types. Figuring out how you learn best is a great way to make studying more fun. I'm a visual-kinesthetic learner, so I find that I learn best by doing things or by writing things down. If I just read I don't learn anything, but if I take down notes or do an experiment I'll have it down forever. I still remember a note that I had to memorize word for word back in grade 8 - I'm 27 now and can recite it back no problem because my friends and I created a series of hand motions to go along with it. Read up on study suggestions for the different types of learners and try out the ones that appeal to you. You may find that you learn best when you put your information to music, or that you do really well when you walk around while you study. It's important to take this into consideration, because it'll help you for years to come.

Q: Hi! I'm a 13 year old girl in Year 9/9th Grade. It's coming up tovmy options now and I really want to be a Primary School teacher. I love kids and really want to give them the best starts in life.

But, the problem is, nobody wants to support me and always has to be a complete a** whenever they can about it. Not even my dad! Because he's a police officer, he thinks he's all high and mighty and below all other people. Please bear in mind that he has treated me like a trophy all my life, think of the embarrassment he would have to endure if I became a Primary School teacher! That was sarcasm by the way...

My friends all want to become doctors, vets and lawyers and always say that that is where all the failures end up. After all 'those who can't do, teach. And those who can't teach, teach at Primary.' Again, sarcasm.

But I really want to do this! I get straight A's in Year 9 and it's just over a quarter of the way through the year. I believe I can do it but everybody hates my decisions and always have to bring me down about it. It is actually starting to make me feel depressed now.

Any advice? Thanks in advance.
What they don't tell you when you're in school is that you really should enjoy what you do for a career. You will spend the majority of your time working when you're an adult, and hating your job will make your life terrible regardless of how much money it brings in.

People always have something to say about the job choices of others. What they tend to forget is that we need all types to make the world go 'round. If everyone was a doctor or lawyer, then who's supposed to teach their children? Who will snake their pipes? Who will build their houses? No one career is better than any other.

Everyone needs to balance the financial and emotional aspects of their career choice. Some may be happy with working a job where they hate what they're doing but make great money. Others may prefer a lower income but more flexibility and a job that they love. It's a choice we all make, and it looks like you're able to be realistic about it.

Parents are another thing. They want the best for their children, but don't always realize what that means. My parents were pretty upset when I left university to go to college, but now that I'm looking at graduating with great job prospects in a field that I love they're starting to come around. Your parents, much as they may want the best for you, don't have to live your life... you do! They can make decisions about whether to back you or not, and you'll have to live with the consequences of those decisions. That can suck. The freedom of doing what's right for you is its own reward and will have long-term payoffs.

I also wouldn't stress too much about it right now. You've got some years to go before you graduate. I was pretty darn sure what I wanted to do when I was your age, and am now in a completely different field. Your tastes may change with time and exposure to different things.

What I would try to do if you can is get some classroom experience. My high school offered a co-op program where you could get credits for doing a volunteer work placement. Many students worked at elementary schools in the area. You could also look at volunteering with a day care or your Sunday school if you go to church. Find out all that you can about what you plan to do, and you'll be less likely to take others' half baked ideas into consideration when making your decisions.

Q: For starters im a 14 year old girl and my physical body is a female one. I feel like I'm in a male mindset but I have no desire to change my body. I want to be a boy but I want my girl body. Is there a word for this or am I just weird? I know that you can be bisexual and like men and women (Im bisexual by the way if that changes anything) but can you be big ended where you just dont have a gender or you're a mix of both? I'm not sure how to explain how I feel and can't talk to anyone because my friends wouldn't understand because they're all heterosexual and comfortable in their bodies and I don't think that I can talk to my parents because I'd likely be told "God made you this way for a reason" (which is my mothers response whenever I bring up people with tatoos or dyed hair; they act like modifications are taboo) or I'd be told "it's just a phase". I know that it's not a phase because Ive felt this way for a long time. I just don't know. Any advice to help me organize my thoughts?
There's a whole huge spectrum out there when it comes to various sexualities and genders. While the cisgender world is pretty much hard-defined (you're a man or a woman) it's possible to fit in anywhere in between or outside these definitions.

Physical gender (the body you're born with) can be different from your gender identity (the one you feel like) which can be different from your expression (how you choose to present yourself). All of these have nothing to do with sexuality, which is completely different.

From your description, you may identify as genderqueer; neither a man nor a woman. You may also identify as gender fluid, meaning that your gender identity changes with time.

However you choose to identify and present, you are you. You may change with time, but that doesn't make you any less yourself.

Q: it's kind of sad now, now the former and current 'popular kids' dominate social media, being so public about their lives and carefree. i go on the internet to escape that bullshit, but now it's everywhere, with sites like facebook, twitter, and instagram.
I think all of us have fallen into the trap of feeling lame and uninteresting when we see the social media pages of others.

Whenever I get to feeling like a boring homebody, my husband always reminds me that social media is like a museum or art gallery. Those pictures are carefully taken and curated with the intended effect of showing everyone how happy and fun that person's life is. Nobody's going to post pictures of the times they spend on the couch watching TV by themselves, or the times they spend doing homework. What you're seeing is an illusion; all those happy, cool kids have to deal with all the frustration, sadness, boredom and morning breath that you do.

The great thing about the internet is that the weird kids haven't been pushed out; it's easier than ever for us to connect!

Q: Is it preferable for women who have vaginal problems to use menstrual cup during menstruation?
As a devoted fan of the Diva Cup, I can say that it can definitely be preferable to use menstrual cups, especially as an alternative to tampons.

Personally, I find that they are cleaner to use once you get past the initial ick factor. Being made of medical-grade silicone, there are no bleaches or fragrances to worry about. I love being able to go worry-free for 12 hours at a time.

Since you say you have vaginal problems, it might be best if you were to talk to your doctor at your next visit to make sure it would be okay.

Q: I'm 16/f. This weekend I am going to smoke weed for the first time. I'm going to a party with my boyfriend who has smoked weed for over a year and im excited for the party. I love drinking and just having a good time. This party I'm gunna try weed though. Probably a rolled one so its like a cigarette. But I don't know the first thing about smoking. How do I smoke? My boyfriend said he would show me but I wanna have a little more intelligence on the matter. Please tell me all you know
Since marijuana use is illegal in many places, we can't give you advice on its use, regardless of our personal opinions on it. To do so would endanger the site.

Q: Does anyone know what i can make at home to get me off? I want to try anything new other than my hand.
You've had some interesting responses so far, but I felt like I needed to chime in with the safety talk:

Please don't insert anything into yourself without using a condom! Sex toys are made of materials that are easy to clean for a reason. Bananas aren't easily sterilized, plus they can be rough and may cause abrasions. If whatever you're using is porous or has cracks in it, you'll want to make sure that you're not putting yourself in danger.

Q: My puppy has diarreah really bad. What can I do to help her get better soon?
Especially depending on the size of puppy, it's very important that you take her to a vet when she has diarrhea. Small dogs get dehydrated very quickly, so medical intervention is important.

It could be any number of things. Take your pup to a vet, and they can do tests to check for parasites and infections and give you proper medical advice.

Q: To be honest I feel like a prisoner.
My parents sort of force me to do sports, like they just sign me up each year without asking if I'd LIKE to do it. They ask also force me to alter serve, and I don't believe in that stuff anymore, because I'm bisexual and the bible is against that so...........
And I remember my mom forced me to do dance even though I hate dancing I cried that I didn't want to do it but she just yelled that I had to, and the only reason she wanted me to do it was because my friends were all doing it. It got to the point where I'd refuse to go and misbehaved so I got kicked out (I was younger) another thing she forced me to do is band,I decided to try for a year and she wouldn't let me quit when I decided I didn't like it. I want to learn gymnastics, maybe be a cheerleader, but she won't let me, she shamed me for it.
I tried to tell her I didn't want to do alter serving anymore but she got all bad and even got OTHER people (a nun, a couple of priests, random strangers) to subtly convince me to keep doing it. I overheard her reveal it to a family member. I didn't tell her the golden reason why I wanna quit because I don't think I'm ready.
I am going to respectfully disagree with adviceman regarding sexuality.

There is nothing wrong with identifying as bisexual at any age. Sexuality is fluid, and people may lean one way or another throughout their lives. I'm all for being flexible when it comes to labels, especially when putting a label on your sexuality causes you stress, but I very strongly disagree that it's harmful to identify as bisexual at this point in your life. There is no risk to future relationships whatsoever; I can say this as an adult openly bisexual woman in a monogamous, opposite sex relationship. To imply that bisexuality is simply a waypoint on the way to a "normal", straight relationship is dismissive and frankly, offensive. You don't have to have experience with both sexes to know that you are bisexual, just like a straight virgin doesn't have to have had sex to prove that they are straight. It's all about attraction. Don't let anyone change who you are.

As for the problems with your parents: it's hard when you don't have a lot of say in what you do. Parents do typically have your best interests at heart. I remember being forced to play soccer for 5 years even though I hated it and was terrible at it, but it was because it's good for building teamwork skills. Your parents may be looking forward to your college applications; many colleges look favourably on applicants with lots of extracurricular activities. The only suggestion I can really offer is to try bargaining. For example, maybe you could offer to continue altar serving if you are allowed to do gymnastics, or to do gymnastics if you get a part time job and pay for it yourself. Otherwise, it's just a matter of waiting it out. It seems like you're living with your parents forever, but that time flies by before you know it.

Q: I am a female vegetarian and I hate multi-vitamins. I was diagnosed with lupus and a low iron count so I have to get more iron in me I cannot take the iron supplement they give me is there any other way to improve this without taking the supplement or eating meat?
Please help me out with this one. Please and thank you's to anyubody who answers.
I feel your pain: every time I take a multivitamin with iron in it I end up throwing up, so I've had to get creative with my iron intake.

This website does a great job of showing you alternative sources as well as what you get from a serving. It does include meat, but the majority of options are in the plants, vegetables, and meat alternatives category.

http://www.dietitians.ca/Nutrition-Resources-A-Z/Factsheets/Minerals/Food-Sources-of-Iron.aspx

Q: I'm a writer and I've been deeply fascinated with studying the Titanic for many years. I want to write a story about the Titanic, but I'm almost afraid to after the 1997 mega blockbuster movie.

I haven't decided indefinitely what the story will be made into. Hopefully a movie as that's what I usually write for, but I'm somewhat open to a tv mini series or book as well.

There have been other movies and tv shows about the Titanic, but they kind of pale in comparison to the Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet one. One movie I saw was incredibly cheesy and historically inaccurate while a tv mini series was so d@#% boring it'd put you to sleep faster than anesthesia. The only reason I kept watching it was because it had a hot guy in it.

The thing is, I don't expect to write anything as good as the 1997 movie,I just want to write something good. Something interesting that people will want to see/read and will talk about positively. I was thinking that the story would focus on a number of characters and their personal stories kind of like the movies New Years Eve or Love Actually did.

What do you think? Should I go for it or not?
Many writers will cover the same event. For example, there are over 100 movies about the civil war. Each approaches it from a different perspective, which is why we're not bored to tears after the first few.

It's completely possible to come up with something original while using an event that has been covered before. My suggestion would be to research as much as you can and see if you are inspired by anything you come across. The best stories are often based in truth.

Q: My sister is one of my best friends. I love her and the last thing I'd want to do is hurt her feelings which is why this is hard for me.

She got married, had a house built, and moved into that house all since June of this year. I've been to her new house and it's amazing. She and her husband are SOOOOOO excited about having the whole family down for thanksgiving and up until recently, I was excited about going. However, now I've hit a problem.

Long story short, I think my mom and granddad might stay home for thanksgiving and if they do, I think I'm gonna need to stay with them so it's not just the two of them for thanksgiving. My sister will still have her husband, dad, grandmother, and all of her in laws, so I think it's the best thing to do.

So, how do I break it to her if I end up not going to her place thanksgiving? She's really excited about it. She's been texting me about how excited she is, she's making all of these plans, she's even planning to bake a pumpkin pie simply because I love it and I'm tellin' you, her pumpkin pie is so good, it's as addictive as cocaine.

What am I gonna do?
Eventually, you're going to come up against difficulties in juggling family engagements. Between my husband's and my families, we have 3 places to visit in a 3 day span, but we've always made it work.

Are the two houses far from each other? A good compromise is often to spend one day with one family and another with the next family. For us it means a 4 hour drive in between, but it's always worth it. Our families compromise by having the main holiday on different days so that everyone can be involved.

Talk to both parties and see if there's some way that you can fit everyone in. Thanksgiving is all about family, so it's nice to have everyone around you.

Q: My dog wont stop biting me, in the neck area. This occurs usually when I am sleeping or going to sleep. I mean it must be my dog? Because when I wake up, and look in the mirror I find the strangest bite marks on my neck. They itch like crazy and start to bruise after a couple days. Then weeks after, i notice lumps growing on my neck and down the side of my body. I think i'm dying, I have no other pets or animals in my house. GETTING RID OF THE DOG IS NOT A OPTION i love him very much. No I am not crazy, are mentally sick. something is very wrong here. I think I might just take the easy way out. By leaving this world...My dog doesn't even like me. Well goodbye have a wonderful day.
I strongly suggest that you take a good look around your bed. You wouldn't sleep through a dog bite.

Dust and vacuum around your bed: I had a friend who was getting really itchy mystery bites, and she had a spider web on her bed. Also, take off your sheets and look for bedbugs. Bedbug bites often come in groups of three. If your dog isn't on flea prevention medication, you should look into treatment for that as well, because it could be fleas.

If you still can't find a reason for your bites, you should see a doctor to rule out any skin allergies or conditions. We aren't doctors here, and can't give medical advice.

Q: I'm 15/f. I have very bad plague psoriasis on my scalp and I also have very bad eczema in my ears. It's like the psoriasis but in my ears. It's like my ears peel off these extra chunks of skin tissue. It's disgusting and I get bullied for it. It sucks so much and I just want it to go away. What are some home remedies I can whip up to prevent and eventually stop this? It makes me super upset when people point it out
I have eczema on my hands, and I find that there's no hard and fast remedy for it beyond the hydrocortisone cream that doctors will prescribe (you can also get it over the counter at pharmacies).

What does help me, and has nearly eliminated my breakouts, is being very careful when it comes to what products I use. Eczema is often related to allergies. If you can, start cycling out products one by one and replacing them with a sensitive skin, unscented version. For me, I find that dish soap is the biggest offender when it comes to my hands; since it's appearing in your ears, I would maybe start with your shampoo. It takes a while to go through things, but trial and error can help you figure out your skin sensitivities.

Q: 19, male. So over the past few months I've changed my perspective on many things. A few months ago I would have never behaved how I am now. It just seems like everything around me is fake. I've been planning on bringing an escort to my house as soon as my visiting family guests leave. I don't see the point in having a normal relationship at my age. I don't have the time for it anyway. My last relationship ended because I was always at work. Every time I see couples, they seem so fake and generic. Like everyone follows a made up standard of how a relationship should be. To add to it, I no longer see the point in being all emotional. Once you fall for it, if anything goes wrong, you get hurt. I let that happen to me before. I ended up ruining a friendship and slowing down my own progress with my life goal endeavours. So why should I put myself in that situation again? I'll actually save money and time by seeing escorts. No one gets hurt and I help the economy, along with gaining experience. A few months ago I would have disagreed with myself. I just don't want my friends and family to find out.Ironically, a lot of people think highly of me. But they're not going to understand, everyone's view on what's right and whats wrong is different. I bet if there were a guaranteed no judgment setting where nobody could judge them , they'd do things they would never do now , cause there'd be nobody around to tell them they're wrong. And I know the risks of STD's. The dilemma there is that someone you love and trust can give you one too. So there's no way to be completely safe from it. I honestly see more pros than cons, the cons are mostly universal in the fact that they can be found in normal relationships anyway. But the pros seem to heavily outweigh the cons, I get to stay working, I could focus on my goals, I get what I want, and I save time and money.How am I wrong for this??And I know it's selfish,but you need to be selfish to succeed, I'm not living and working for other people so. Just can't let my family and friends know.
Depending on where you live, it may be illegal to hire an escort. You would also be contributing to an industry that often ends in women being harmed.

I agree with your thinking that you should hold off on dating for a while. You have a recent breakup to process, and you've got a lot going on in your life. There's no problem with holding off on dating. That said, I don't agree with the idea that hiring an escort will solve all of your problems. If anything, I would think it would damage your self-esteem to only see women who are paid to be intimate with you.

So wait a while before trying to date again. Focus on your relationships with friends and yourself for the time being. Sex isn't all that important; you can take care of those needs on your own. Just work on being as happy and self-fulfilled as you can, and you'd be surprised how easy relationships can be after that. I met my husband while we were both on breaks from dating. Since neither one of us was trying to impress the other, it meant that we liked each other the way we were. Things can work out in ways you would never imagine!

Q: I typed "abusive relationship" because your mind can fuck with you way more than another person can...... You said you took x4 penfulls. Of what? Was it quick or slow acting? And what type of which?
At Advicenators, we cannot give you advice on how to end your life, both for moral and legal reasons. Many of us here (myself included) have experienced suicidal thoughts or attempts, and none of us will tell you it's the right thing to do.

If you are experiencing mental health issues, you need to go and see someone: a doctor, a nurse, a social worker, a counsellor or a religious leader. Even talk to a friend or family member about what you're dealing with.

This link (while Canadian) has links to resources worldwide.

http://www.mymentalhealth.ca/Home/GetHelp/OtherResources/NationalandInternationalResources/UnitedStates/tabid/1090/Default.aspx

The other thing to keep in mind is that Advicenators are here to help as much as we can. If you are having trouble with a life situation, or just need a person to talk to, that's what we're here for.




Q: The question entered my mind when an ignorant individual said on Yahoo that they thought that a woman could get pregnant from a swimming pool if semen was in the water. I specifically was of the thought that the a woman could use the cheapest and most prevalent form of birth control if after unprotected intercourse she sat herself down in a bathtub and directed the spray up into her vagina. The spray that I'm talking 'bout is that of a water nozzle that would spray water at fairly high pressure. If water does in fact kill semen then there would be no need for all these shenanigans re: abortion. Of course there would still be the problem of STDs.
Semen does die on contact with water, but your solution is flawed.

This link explains why vaginal douching does not work as a method of birth control:

http://kidshealth.org/teen/sexual_health/contraception/contraception_douche.html

Please, please never direct a jet of water into a woman's vagina, especially a high pressure one. You can cause serious internal damage that way.

Q: okay so I'm sixteen and I've been diagnosed with aspergus but that's not what this is about. basically i am depressed and confused and a whole lot of other things. I don't know how to explain this but I feel like my mind works differently to everyone else's. This may sound weird but I literally can not handle the fact that my life is meaningless, what i'm saying is when i die no one will remember me. The way i see it is that we are just little dots on the earth and we live out the same routines. it's like were robots who are programmed to just perform meaningless tasks until were no longer needed. All we do is grow, work then die and we all follow the same trends as well. no one is truly original, someone will have the same job, thoughts or opinions as you. you might say something like it's not about any of that and we just need to live our live to the fullest, but for what? To have it all wasted and thrown away after a few years. I know some people might say that we all have a purpose, for example I play the drums and I always wanted to be a drummer when I grew up but there has been millions of drummer's before me and how is playing the drums going to give me a purpose? It's not like I'm changing the world. which brings me onto another point. you might say that some people's hard work will live on forever but it won't. We will all be forgotten eventually no matter how important we were when we lived. You might think this is just negative thinking or maybe just puberty but to me this is awful. It's all i think about and it's horrible. This probably sounds stupid to you but this is killing me. I don't even know what i'm trying to ask but can you just give me some advice.
What you're wondering is something we all wonder about at some time or another. Some turn to religion, others aim to excel in their work, but I like to look at things in a more simple way.

Humans are, statistically speaking, not all that important. Each human occupies a tiny area on a tiny sphere hurtling through a tiny area of the universe. That can really get you down, but it's not all bad. What it means is that you don't need to do huge things in order to make a difference.

Not everyone is going to be famous, or save lives, or be the best at something. That's just fine, because everyone has an impact on those around them. That's what makes us important.

So smile at strangers on the street. Reach out and help others whenever you can. Say something nice to a friend. When you do something good, that good has a ripple effect and can change the course of history in a tiny way. We're all tiny, but just like a virus can bring down a football player, a person's actions can help them live on.

Q: im posting this to Ninjaneer recently i sent you a question on how to get a program on netflix and it still has not made in there so i hope this one makes it in there if youre Ninjaneer please receive this thank you .
If you have a request for Netflix, you can contact their local customer service.

I rejected your previous question on this matter. I did so because you had asked me to contact Netflix for you to get a cartoon put on their roster. I may volunteer my time on Advicenators, but that doesn't mean my time is freely available. I am a full time college student and have my own home life to live; I don't have time to do simple Google searches or to contact companies for people. I am here to give advice, not to run errands.

I am more than happy to answer any advice-related questions you may have, but will continue to reject any questions like this.

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NinjaNeer
My Personal Forum

My name is Amanda and I'm 26 years old. I'm currently studying electrical engineering. Armed with a fairly odd sense of humour and a sunny outlook on life, I'll take on just about anything. I'm also cussedly stubborn, which has its ups and downs. Things get tough sometimes, and I've never been one to run from it.

In my last 8 years with Advicenators, I've gone from honours student to failing out of university (and getting back on top again!), from single to married, from tenant to homeowner.

Until lately, I have been struggling with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder and OCD, which had basically ruined my life and taken just about everything from me. I'm thankful every day for every experience I've had because of this ordeal, because it's helped to make me who I am today. Things like that really make you appreciate what you do have. Now that I'm back in work and school and starting to become myself again, I couldn't be happier. I credit Advicenators with saving my life back when I was a teenager, which is a big part of why I'm still here.

I won't necessarily give you the answers you want to hear, but I'll always be honest and do my best to help.

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