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Q:
I am being intimidated and i dont know what to do.

I cant give you the specifics because it seems so unbelievable.

and everyone I know has turned a blind eye to this issue so I don't know how to complain about it.



If you can\'t give us any specifics whatsoever, the best I can do is give you some general advice. In the future, it would be helpful if you could include some information about your age, where the incidents are occurring and some vague outline of what\'s going on. Intimidation can range from a bossy mean girl at school to full-blown stalking. Without more knowledge, we\'re limited in what we can do.

Basically what it comes down to is the severity and location of intimidation. If someone is picking on you at school or work, this is a problem you should be bringing to your higher-ups. If your direct boss/HR department/teacher won\'t take it seriously and you feel that your safety is at risk, then you should consider escalating to a higher level of management.

If you are being intimidated in a criminal manner, such as stalking or threats, you should involve your local police. Measures can be put in place to ensure your protection.

Q: Okay so I have been with my boyfriend for almost three months and, in my mind, things have seemed to be going okay. I'm 16 he's 15 and this is the first relationship for both of us, we're also both quite shy people so the relationship is moving quite slowly. We see each other most days at school and we've met up a few times at weekends and we don't text an awful lot. People say that we can't really class ourselves as being in a relationship and that we're being pathetic. I can kind of see what they're saying seeing as we don't make any physical contact with each other - we've awkwardly hugged once but that's as far as we've got.

I wouldn't mind moving things on a bit faster and being in contact with him more but I'm not really sure how to go about it. I have social anxiety so I am constantly scared of saying something wrong or annoying him by texting him too much.

Also, my best friend told me the other day that she and this other boy basically forced my boyfriend into asking me out. I had no idea about this now I'm worried that maybe he didn't have any intention of asking me out and he only did it to stop people bothering him.

On the other hand, he has bought me really nice presents for Christmas, Valentines Day and my birthday and always responds very quickly and positively whenever I suggest we meet up. He spends time with me at school rather than his friends and always seems to be happy spending time with me.

Basically I'm confused - I want a relationship that people don't class as pathetic but I don't know if that's what he wants.
You know what\'s funny? 10 years ago when I was 16, that\'s actually what relationships were like. Texting wasn\'t widespread... you\'d go on dates on the weekend, and talk sometimes in between. Dating never used to be this all-consuming monster that it\'s become.

You guys aren\'t pathetic. You\'re taking a sensible, level-headed approach to your relationship. The people who have nothing better to do than put doubts in your head are the pathetic ones. You keep going at a rate that makes you happy.

Q: Which thing is best as a birthday gift for my daughter (5 years old)?
I think it really depends on what type of girl your daughter is. I was overjoyed with gifts of Lego and a chemistry set, but other girls like tea parties and dress-up.

Try to get clues from your daughter. What sort of things is she into? What are her interests? Any way that you can indulge her natural passions is fantastic. Get creative, too; sometimes the best gift is an experience. Maybe she\'s super into animals, so you could take her for one-on-one time at the zoo. Things like that.

As for toy suggestions, something I\'ve found interesting is Goldieblox (http://www.goldieblox.com/). It\'s designed by an engineer with the goal of teaching girls engineering foundations. It\'s the sort of thing I would have loved as a kid.

Q: So my boyfriend & I recently discovered we both had chlyamdia. I got it cured. But my boyfriend on the other hand, hasn't yet. He went but they sent him somewhere else, anyways we were messing around we been using condoms since we found out but I was messing around & I was teasing him & didn't think anything of it but I just licked the top of his dick (the head) & just remembered you can get chlymadia through oral. I didn't think about it, but it was literally just a lick. Not a suck or anything. One lick! Lol he didn't cum or anything. Is there a chance I have a chlymadia? Please answer asap!
It's a tough question to answer. Chlamydia can be transmitted orally, but there was limited contact.

Your best bet is to hit the doctor again. Your boyfriend should also be treated, because there's always a risk of re-catching it.

Q: I know this may sound like a dumb question but I have dark reddish brown hair and really fair skin (like the skin of most redheads) it has pink undertones and it's freckled. Most brunettes I know even if lighter skinned aren't as light skinned as myself...?
It's just a matter of genetics. You've got an uncommon blend, and you should be proud! It's nice to look a little outside the norm; it's these quirks that make a person gorgeous.

Q: Hello advicenators,

I am going to be buying a "new used" car pretty soon. I got a new job recently and I will be able to afford the payments. Im looking to spend somewhere in the $18-25,000 range. I don't want to buy something I'll regret with that amount of money. I have never bought from a dealership before.

What are some tips? What are some things I should look out for (Any salesmen tricks I should be wary of, or extra things that I shouldn't be paying for?) I'm a girl in my 20s that knows pretty much nothing about cars (other than how to fill up oil and change a tire-the basics) and I totally expect to be taken advantage of when it comes to cars. I'm not stupid but there's a lot of car stuff I don't know.

So anything helps, really. I'm going to do some test drives this weekend. I've researched and decided on a couple of different makes and models based on extensive internet searches and reviews. I would like to be prepared before I go.

Thank you!
Knowing what total amount you want to pay is the first step. This was the number one trick I saw used against us when we bought our first car; we would state what our total amount was, and the salesman would try to convince us to buy a more expensive car over a ridiculously long loan period. Sure, the payment would be the same, but we were presented with loans of up to 96 months! We kept it so that we could pay it off comfortably within 5 years.

You've done your research, so that's good. Know what you want and don't let them try to upsell you to something shinier and prettier.

Other that, you sound super prepared. Not all salespeople are jerks, but if you do encounter one who makes you uncomfortable you should definitely not buy from them. That person stands to make a lot of money from the sale, so make sure it's going to someone who deserves it.

Q: How did Burt Reynolds die?
According to his Wikipedia page, he hasn't yet!

He's 78 years old and still working.

Q: What's the least painful way to commit suicide?
If I'm gonna do it is not a question. I don't want to waste my time reading more speaches about not doing it.
I just need someone to tell me. Now.
You're not going to get the answer you're looking for here, for a couple of reasons.

Firstly, we can't advise people on suicide methods for legal reasons. Just like I can't give someone advice on how to murder someone, I can't give someone advice on how to kill themselves.

Secondly, the people on Advicenators are here because we see hope for the future. We know that things get bad sometimes. Many of us have been to rock bottom and back with the scars to prove it. That means that we know it's possible to get past just about anything, and that we won't recommend anything other than continued efforts towards a better future.

I don't know anything about your current situation, but I've been through some bad stuff myself. I came here looking for an easy way out over 8 years ago. The advice I received, while it wasn't what I was looking for, was what showed me that there are people out there who cared if I lived or died. That's what I want you to take away from my answer right now; people care enough to try to intervene.

If you're dealing with a bad situation, I strongly suggest that you post a question (or two or three) on how to deal with it. We can do a lot more for you that way.

Q: I'm 19 years old and engaged to the love of my life. Our relationship is outstanding. The only problem I see is my mental illnesses. I have severe panic attacks; severe uncontrollable anxiety; and severe bipolar disorder. I have agoraphobia (fear of people) and I also have learning disabilities due to some brain damage from a past car accident. I'm on a lot of medications which I'm still trying to figure out, because some of them don't work and my bipolar isn't yet under control. Because of all of this I haven't been able to get a job. It makes me feel like a total failure, because my fiancé works so hard and stresses over money, and I feel it's all my fault. He never puts any blame on me or pressures me and is completely understanding, but that doesn't change the fact that I need to get a job to put in my fair share of work. I'm also struggling to get my GED, which is difficult because its so hard for me to learn new things. Does anyone else struggle with these things? What helps you? And how did you overcome some of these things to be able to function enough to get a job and achieve other things? Please help me! I'm very desperate for advice on how to get through this.
Are you sure you aren't me from 7 years ago? Because you're basically in the exact same position I was in, except that I was trying and failing repeatedly to get through college/university.

So yes. I am very familiar with your situation. It's not fun and it's not easy, but you can get through it.

While you're getting your meds sorted, it's best to keep your other obligations to a minimum. Focus on being able to live daily life first. Taking care of yourself should be your first priority right now. Start small. Did you get out of bed today? Awesome. If you showered, brushed your teeth and made a healthy breakfast, that's another win. Try pushing your limits a little every day and doing something you didn't feel like you could before. Go for a 5 minute walk. Go into a corner store. Talk to the cashier. Go to lunch with a friend. Little things will add up and you'll start to feel more capable. As that happens, you'll start wanting to do more. That's when you can start tackling school, then work. Just remember, one thing at a time. For me, I learned how to take care of myself, got my meds under control, started part time work one day a week, took on more hours, then went back to school full time. It's been a pretty smooth progression.

When you do schooling, try asking if there's any disability support. Depending on where you're doing your learning, they may have supports in place. My college has a great accessibility services department. They advocate for me when I have to be absent for medical reasons so that the impact on my schooling is minimal. They can also help with learning disabilities.

I know what it's like to feel guilty about the impact that your illness is having on your significant other. I was also engaged at 19 to a fantastic man who I have since married. He was instrumental in getting me to the place I'm in now. In your relationship there will be ups and downs for both of you. You need his support right now, but some day he may need yours. It sounds like he's a great guy and that he understands that for you, taking care of yourself is a full time job right now. You're not putting in any less work than he is, you just don't get paid for it.

I also know that it can be difficult to maintain a relationship. When I got really sick, all of my husband's family and even our mutual friends were telling him to leave me. It takes a lot of strength to stay with someone with our particular challenges, but if you can make it through this you can do anything. I can tell you from experience that it leads to an extremely strong relationship with a solid foundation.

Another neat thing is that many famous people deal with bipolar disorder. While it can make your life a living hell, people with it are often very creative. There's a great book called "Touched With Fire" about that connection.

Living with bipolar disorder sucks, there's no getting around it. Things can go wrong, and sometimes you'll have to rebuild what you just finished working on. Progress may feel slow, but it's two steps forward, one step back. You're still moving forward. You can do it!

Q: 13/m
Ok I have to do a project in school on "Moose Disease". The problem is im not sure if it is the actual disease on moose or if there is another disease that is on humans. The reason i wonder this is the projects are in disorders or diseases mostly on humans so i dont know if there is some other disease. So i was wondering if anyone knows of moose disease on humans or anything else of moose disease or if it is just a disease that affects moose. Thanks for your help and have a nice day:).

We can't do your homework for you. It's unethical, and not really what this site is about.

If you're not clear on your assignment, ask your teacher.

Otherwise, a quick Google search will tell you just about everything you could possibly need to know on your topic.

Q: Hello! My name is Caitlyn. At school, I have a crush named Nolan I really love and care about. We have a lot in common, but I'm actually a vegetarian, so it scares me to see him eat meat in front of me at lunch. How do I help myself from being so afraid?
In life, you're going to meet people from all walks of life. You will meet, and get to know people who share your beliefs as well as people who don't.

Pretend for a minute that instead of being a vegetarian, you're a Catholic. Could you make friends with a Muslim or an atheist? Sure, their views on life would differ from yours, but that can make relationships all the more interesting.

So the same goes for your vegetarianism. You can't surround yourself exclusively with other vegetarians, so you'll have to come to terms with omnivores sooner or later. Different strokes for different folks. It doesn't mean he's a bloodthirsty killer, or that he's a bad person. Just different.

Q: can you get a STD from male masterbation
You absolutely can not. Masturbation is a safe, healthy way for people of all sexes to take care of sexual urges and get to know their own body.

Q: Recently, I started date one of my oldest friends. We started catching up last September, and we realised that we like each other. We decided to give dating a shot, and it worked out really well. He is everything I want in man; he is passionate, kind, considering, and has the biggest heart. Yes, we had our arguments; sometimes it was my fault and sometimes it was his fault. However, the biggest problem is me, you see I lied to him, more than once; and he forgave me more than once. Every lie I told him was ridiculous, and I don't know why I did so. By me promising that I will never lie will not solve anything and he will not believe me. I know I screwed up big time, and I know he is willing to give me another chance, but I truly do not know why I lied to him. I do not know how to fix my mistake. I told him that the only thing that can solve this issue, is for me to work on myself more, and for me to show him in time that he can trust me again. But I don't know what else to do other than that, because promises won't mean anything, saying sorry won't solve anything, and even if I am working on myself (i.e. my issues), does not mean that we can move forward in out relationship.
Yes, I lied, and I am sorry, but I don't have a justification to my lies, and honestly, if I was him, I wouldn't believe any of the "reasons" that I would give him.
What am I supposed to do now? How are we supposed to move past this?
The only thing that can fix this situation is continuous honesty, patience and time.

If you're really serious, you've got to keep on yourself. Stay honest about everything. Quit lying cold turkey. There may be some slip ups, but come clean about it and the repercussions will be lighter.

You're also going to have to be patient with him until he regains trust in you. There may be times when he questions your honesty even though you're telling the truth. It would be easy to blow up at him, or to lie since you're being held guilty of it anyhow. If you can keep reminding yourself that he's only thinking that way because of the past, he'll see the pattern of truthfulness emerging and he'll trust you more and more.

Other than that, time is the only thing that will get you past this. My husband and I have done some truly awful things to one another, but time helps to heal old wounds. If you really care for one another and respect one another, you can make it through anything.

Q: I take it you must be from the 50's when the men ruled the roost. You need to get into the new millennium. That was pretty nasty what you responded to the fish and chip story. I only which I could truly say what I thought right now. Is this how you are in your relationship, overbearing and rude?
I'm not sure what question you're responding to, as a quick search turned up nothing recent. Even so, I feel a response is in order.

If you see an answer that's truly offensive or harmful, you can report it. There's a link in the left sidebar for reporting abuse. Who knows? It may already have been reported as abusive and deleted, and that's why I couldn't find it.

Q: There is a boy I really like so I asked him out to the dance and he said no because his family was going to whisler and he wasn't allowed, then I heard from one of my friends that he is going to the dance. My friend later that day told me he woulnd't go out with me because I was to FAT!!!!!
I'm going to tell you something that I was told by people when I was in high school. Something that I ignored, because of course I knew better ;)

High school boys are not worth the time. They're dumb. They're kind of gross (seriously, wait till you're in your 20s) and just not that fantastic. There will be the occasional fantastic teenage boy, but for the most part they're just greasy hormone-driven idiots.

A lot of younger guys have weird ideas about the world and how it should be, especially when it comes to women. When they get older, a lot of them start to realize that the standards they held when they were younger are holding them back. I met my husband when I was overweight, and he's an attractive dude. Heck, you might not even be overweight, but in a culture obsessed with thigh gaps this boy just doesn't have his head screwed on right.

Don't hate yourself. The way I used to think about these rejections is that they're like a moron filter. If a guy is going to be that shallow and stupid, do you really want to waste your time trying to impress him? You're better off waiting for a nice guy who respects you for who you are.

Q: With the economy the way it is, it seems like a lot of the home cost estimator things on-line are WAY off now. :( Does anyone know of a way to get a somewhat accurate idea of how much our home is worth now? Thank you!
Your best bet is to look up house values using a realtor tool for your area. You don't say what country you live in, but for Canada or the US you can use MLS.

Input the number of bedrooms/bathrooms, and look for houses in your area that are similar to yours. You'll get a good idea of what the going price is for houses with a variety of features.

Q: How is offshore banking different than regular banking and why do they always talk about it in movies and stuff? Can you get a loan from an offshore bank if your own bank won't give you any money?
Offshore banking is used by the wealthy to avoid paying taxes. It's not something used by the average person.

Q: Hi:)
So over the last two months two things happened to me in a club. Once a guy that I knew and that I was dancing with touched my ass and I stopped him and danced with other people afterwards, but later had to spend time with him again, because I was visiting a friend.
Another time I was in a club and a random guy came up to me and my friend and said something I couldn't hear. So I said "what"? And he came closer, I turned my head, cause I thought he would say something into my ear, but he kissed my cheek instead.

I did not tell my boy-friend about both these happenings, but today I remembered again and felt guilty and realized that even when back then it was not my fault, I was now guilty for not having told him.

I apologized, explained what happened and asked him for forgiveness.

But I know that he now cannot trust me anymore. I mean I understand that he might think I will hide things in the future.

I don't know what to do in order to make him feel better and in order not to lose all the trust we build up over three years.

Do you have any advice?
From my perspective, there's no reason why his trust in you should be broken.

You received some unwanted physical attention in clubs. You didn't reciprocate, you didn't enjoy it (from what I gather).

You feel guilty for not telling your boyfriend, but that was because you brushed it off at the time as "Ew, these guys are creeps" and left it at that, only to remember later and feel shame. It's common for victims to feel ashamed, even when they've done nothing wrong.

If your boyfriend is upset with you for being groped in a club, you've got to remind him that you didn't ask for it. You were minding your own business and some guy decided to get all handsy. Not your fault.

If he's upset about you not telling him earlier, you can let him know that you were feeling guilt over it even though you know that it wasn't your fault and were worried to tell him. Promise to tell him if things like this happen in the future. Chances are, he's more worried about your safety than anything else.

I'm pretty sure that you haven't lost any significant trust from him. You aren't in the wrong, and your heart is in the right place. There's no quick band-aid solution: you've just got to let time do its work.

Q: Is there a payment calculator that will let you enter different cars from different places at the same time so you can compare car payments side-by-side? Also, do you have any general advice about buying a new car in this economy?

Thank you!
There are lots of calculators online. A quick Google search for "car payment comparison" yielded too many to post here, so this is the first one:

http://auto.bizcalcs.com/Calculator.asp?Calc=Compare-Auto-Payments

My first piece of advice when it comes to buying a new car is don't. At least, don't buy a brand new car from the dealership. Cars depreciate very, very quickly. Seriously, as soon as it's driven off the lot, there's a couple grand gone. You also have no guarantee that it's going to be good. My family has seen its fair share of brand new lemons. The best practice is to buy used from a reputable dealership. That way someone else eats the early depreciation.

The second thing I would say is to go in with a good idea of what you want to spend in total. We had one really skeevy salesman in particular try to push us way past our comfort zone by phrasing the price in terms of a monthly payment. Sure, it was only $280 a month... for 96 months! Know what you can afford and stick to your guns. Try to keep your payments under 5 years if at all possible. You don't want to be still paying off the car when it's 8 years old.

Lastly, remember that it is a business decision. You might fall in love with the beautiful but expensive car. Heck, we all do... but looks aren't all that important in this decision. Your car is to get you from point A to point B. Make sure it can do that. If it's your only vehicle, you may want to consider a hatchback rather than a sedan. We did, and it means that we don't have to bug a friend with a truck every time we want to haul drywall or go to Ikea. Think about what is most important to you, make a list, and stick to it.

Q: How do I get a haircut like Ms. Hathaway? I know that starts have different looks at different times, so I am not sure exactly what to tell a stylist? I don't have much experience with beauty places so I guess I am also afraid they will mess up my head. Any advice? :)
Your best bet is to bring pictures of hairstyles you like. Even if you just like part of a haircut you see, a good stylist will be able to see common elements and help you figure out a cut that looks good on you. It's never a good idea to get someone else's haircut exactly, because you're not the same person!

Make sure to specify what your restrictions are... and be honest! If you don't want to use more than one product in the morning, tell them. Or if you don't want to have to come back for frequent cuts (pixie cuts are pretty bad for this) your hairdresser can make modifications to accommodate. You won't be happy if your hair doesn't fit your lifestyle.

bio
NinjaNeer
My Personal Forum

My name is Amanda and I'm 26 years old. I'm currently studying electrical engineering. Armed with a fairly odd sense of humour and a sunny outlook on life, I'll take on just about anything. I'm also cussedly stubborn, which has its ups and downs. Things get tough sometimes, and I've never been one to run from it.

In my last 8 years with Advicenators, I've gone from honours student to failing out of university (and getting back on top again!), from single to married, from tenant to homeowner.

Until lately, I have been struggling with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder and OCD, which had basically ruined my life and taken just about everything from me. I'm thankful every day for every experience I've had because of this ordeal, because it's helped to make me who I am today. Things like that really make you appreciate what you do have. Now that I'm back in work and school and starting to become myself again, I couldn't be happier. I credit Advicenators with saving my life back when I was a teenager, which is a big part of why I'm still here.

I won't necessarily give you the answers you want to hear, but I'll always be honest and do my best to help.

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Gender:
Female

Location:
Ontario, Canada

Occupation:
Student

Age:
26

Member Since:
February 14, 2006

Answers:
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Last Update:
April 22, 2014

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