My Personal Forum
My name is Amanda (or Manda - NEVER Mandy), and I'm 25 years old. I'm currently studying electrical engineering. Armed with a fairly odd sense of humour and a sunny outlook on life, I'll take on just about anything. I'm also cussedly stubborn, which has its ups and downs. Things get tough sometimes, and I've never been one to run from it.
In the last 6 years, I've gone from honours student to failing out of university (and getting back on top again!), from single to married, from tenant to homeowner.
Until lately, I have been struggling with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder and OCD, which had basically ruined my life and taken just about everything from me. I'm thankful every day for every experience I've had because of this ordeal, because it's helped to make me who I am today. Things like that really make you appreciate what you do have. Now that I'm back in work and school and starting to become myself again, I couldn't be happier.
I won't necessarily give you the answers you want to hear, but I'll always be honest and do my best to help.
Location: Ontario, Canada
Member Since: February 14, 2006
Last Update: May 15, 2013
I think you all suck major balls. I've been trying to find a painless way to kill myself for the past 2 hours. If someone wants to kill themselves then they probably have a very good reason for it so why don't you fuckers just give some fucking answers instead of the FAKE bullshit like "your too young to die" or "You have so much to live for" or "think about how your hurting your loved ones" in most cases what the hell makes you think we HAVE loved ones??? I'm so fucking sick of seeing those bullshit answers and i'm not even the person asking it on the fucking forms. If you can't answer the question then don't say anything at all! for me, as i'm sure it is for most, it is NOT for attention. It's to die PAINLESSLY. We don't give a fuck about how wonderful YOU think life is. The worst one i've seen yet is someone who has an illness and is in pain 24/7. no one could even help that poor soul end it. FUCK you all for not helping. FUCK YOU. go die. You are the reason for suicide. You are all stupid. I hate you. FUCK YOU ALL. You are NOT showing compassion you are being fucking HEARTLESS. (link)
Echoing what Alin said, we can't tell people how to commit suicide. It's a serious legal issue, and you could be arrested for providing that kind of assistance, even in a seemingly anonymous situation.
I was one of those people who came here asking for a painless way to die, back in 2006. I asked an anonymous question, and I was hoping to find a way out. I was just starting to spiral into the worst depths of mental illness, and I saw no hope in my future. Mostly, I felt worthless and miserable and isolated, and I didn't feel like I could possibly live another day.
Here's why every response to a suicide question is important:
I came to Advicenators looking for a way out, but I ended up finding a reason to stay. The outpouring of concern from total strangers, the assurance that someone, somewhere cared if I lived or died. When everyone around me was abandoning me and my life was falling apart, I found solace in this website. Not every answer was solid gold. I got some religious commentary, which was useless for an atheist like me, and I got some young teenagers telling me "Life's not so bad :D". I also got some really smart, compassionate answers from experienced individuals. Every one of those answers meant that someone was taking the time to tell me they care, which is what a lot of suicidal people feel is lacking.
So, was everything sunny from then on? Hell no. Since that date there were multiple suicide attempts and hospitalizations and absolute mental breakdowns until I found the right treatment regimen with the help of my doctor. It was 5 years of hell before I could even pick myself up enough to start leaving the house on a regular basis. Did Advicenators fix all of my problems? No. But I found just a little strand of hope here, something I could fix my gaze on when everything else was a howling black void. I could come back and ask questions about how to deal with my situation, whether I should call the doctor after overdosing and how to cope with the aftermath of my really bad episodes.
I answer suicide questions when I can, especially when people go into their reasons. Why do I do this? Because I wouldn't be here if it weren't for this website. I wouldn't have met the man of my dreams. I wouldn't have lived to see us buy our first house, and I wouldn't have walked down the aisle on my perfect, sunny wedding day. I would have given up on myself, never believing that things could get better. I don't want anyone to sell themselves short like I did. Everyone has hidden strength within them, and sometimes all it takes is someone telling them that they're worth the fight.
I agree that someone who is in chronic pain from a terminal illness should be given the option of physician-assisted suicide. I don't believe that someone who is looking to suicide as a way to escape a bad situation, a traumatic past, or a mental illness should be helped along that path. Every death that results from something like that is preventable, and we do our best here to prevent it.
So no, we're not all platitude-spouting asshats. You'd be surprised at how many of us have scars. The difference between us and the rest of the world is that we're willing to show those scars to total strangers and tell them that they're not alone, that we care and that things can get better.
Billie Joe Armstrong. I know-yesterday, he turned 41, and I'm just a teenager. I know every thing about him, and Green Day and Sweet Child and ... Billie. I'm not asking for advice on how to stop liking Green Day since I spent more than $500 of Green Day/Billie stuff just this year, plus having every song of him possible, plus tickets to see his AI show in my area soon but ... is there anything wrong with me? I'm sorry if I disturb you, like, I know he's married, but I've had these dreams and all kinds of ... oh god, I'm ranting, I'll stop. Should I tell my parents, since they already know I like Green Day and all, and my friends like Green Day too. I feel stuck. I have a journal filled with Billie Joe Armstrong drawings and lyrics and desires and entries of why I like him and all ... btw, I'm a girl, just thirteen, and anything would be good. Thank you. (link)
When I was 13, I was in love with Dexter Holland of The Offspring. Like, seriously in love. For some perspective, he's my father's age and I'm 25 now. You're not alone in this sort of thing.
Obsessions are part of being 13. I can pretty much guarantee you that by the time you hit 16 or 17, you'll have calmed down a lot. There's no harm in fantasizing about a famous person, so long as you recognize that nothing will come of it. So enjoy, and keep those journals to giggle about when you're my age :)
The last two days I've fallen into a horrible slump. I feel like I don't really exist and maybe I should just kill myself. I feel like the economy and our government has screwed me over and like nothing will ever work out.|
I fought so hard to graduate from HS with honors, multiple awards, lots of volunteer hours and two months out of high school I got my first job making $10.25 an hour. I get paid biweekly so I take home 1410 and give my mom 550 of it for rent so I keep $860. I would still need to pay for my own car which would cost me $550 in financing every month and about $80 car insurance which leaves me with $230. $70 of that goes to my cell phone bill which is $160. The rest of that would go towards groceries.
I am basically screwed. There is no way I will be able to move out anytime soon but she wants me out of the house before the end of the year.
I keep thinking I should just kill myself.
None of my family cares about me. Boys lose interest in me after a couple weeks of talking to me when they realize I don't want to have sex with them right away. I don't have very many friends. I don't have anybody to help me financially.
The only other way I see out is that I've been on this sugar daddy site where a lot of guys seem to think I'm really gorgeous and intelligent and want to give me a chance.
One of them talks about how much he wants to spoil me and that I would never have to work again and even that he would want me to live with him.
Right now I'm too scared to even walk to a local store by myself let alone fly out on a plane alone to meet a total stranger based on some stuff he wrote to me on the internet.
I also don't want to do that because I don't want to turn into some high class whore because I know those guys would want sex and I always thought of myself as one of those girls who was going to find the right guy and marry him and then lose her virginity but I don't think that's going to happen now. I think maybe moving in with one of those guys is my last resort and hey if they wind up killing me or something oh well it's not like I was ever going to get anywhere else anyways.
Right now everything just seems to lead back to me having to die. There is no way out. I've become a victim of the economy and nobody will help me because I'm just one in a trillion people living on a planet in the middle of a galaxy within a universe within only god knows what.
Who cares about some 18 year old or her hopes and dreams? Realistically nobody does.
There is no meaning to life. Nothing is going to work out. I will die in the end anyways.
You seem like you're too smart to be content with being someone's arm candy, and that's good. You need self-worth to get through times like this.
The first step is to stop thinking of yourself as a victim. You're not a victim of your mother and you're not a victim of the economy. You have a choice in which direction your life takes. You have employment and you have brains. It's up to you to make your hopes and dreams come true, not the universe!
You're still pretty young, and the boys your age are even younger. Most 18 year old boys aren't going to be looking for a steady, slow, logical relationship. It's not you, it's them. Don't feel down on yourself because they're all idiots. Sooner or later, you'll find someone who is looking for what you are.
As for the hopelessness of moving out: looking at the numbers you've given I would say that there's a lot of wiggle room, believe it or not.
Make sure that you're being given a fair rate for rent in your area. Check out craigslist and see what one bedroom, utilities included goes for. $550 seems awfully high, and you may even save money by moving out. If you're willing to share an apartment, you can save a lot of money.
$550 a month is way above what you should be spending on car financing. Either your payment term is too short, the interest rate is exorbitant or you're getting a really nice brand new car. Our lightly used Ford Focus was $12 000, and our payments work out to $230 a month over 5 years, which is totally reasonable. If you can't afford those payments for a car, lowering your standards will go a long way.
3) $70 cell phone bill
This is another place you can pare down. I get that you want data and all that fun stuff, but if you've got to get out on your own, you will need to learn to sacrifice bits and pieces like that. See if you can lower your bill at all: even bringing it down to $50 a month will save you $240 a year!
If you don't cook, learn how. Start budgeting your grocery bill. At our very most poverty-stricken (2 people living on one part-time income) we were eating on $30 a week. When I was living on my own as a student, my grocery bill came to $25 a week. You can easily build some wiggle room by being thrifty with your grocery money.
All in all, I see where you could free up at least $150 a month. Saved up over a year, that should be enough to split first and last month's rent for a 2 bedroom apartment with another person. It's very doable.
It sucks lowering your standard of living when you strike out on your own, but it teaches you really valuable life skills, and it's really satisfying. It also can give you a little more insight into the path you want your life to take from there. You may want to seek further education to open up your earning capability. There are lots of options out there to examine.
Is masturbation normal?? If it is, can it get you pregnant?|
Sorry, I'm a paranoid 11 year old :) (link)
Masturbation is totally normal. Most of us do it at some point or another, and it's part of a healthy sex life.
The best thing about masturbation is that it's basically risk free. You can't get pregnant, you won't get STIs and it makes you feel good. It's a win-win-win!
i think i have been suffering from GAD for awhile but at the moment, 15/f i dont have healthy insurance and we dont really have the money to get a screening test or something. bu for right not a lot of traumatic things have happended in my life that have emotionally fucked me up. depression was one of them, but slowly now i am feeling better due to huge changes i made,i am not on medicationa and never was and really dont want to be. i perfer working out, yoga, eating healhty and socializing the best i can. i am usually, or what i am trying to get back is that i am a really funny, unfiltered, spontaneous, talktive person but when this all happend 3 years ago everything about me changed including the way i interacted with people and my thoughts and emotions. like i said its getting better, my dpression but my anxiety is kinda bad. i dont really get anixety attacks anymore but i have to present something for school in front of my class at achool and usually i would get an A on it becasue its so easy for my to just keep talking about what the topic is, even if i didnt totally know what it was about. but this time we have to have notecards and do a powerpoint and the powerpoint is just supposed to have pictures on it and the notecards are supposed to have the info on it and your supposed to "present" to the class from the notecards and elaborate on it. im scared becasue out of no where i cant concentrate i start almost sweating and i cant breathe and i feel like im going to faint, or my knees start shaking, i cant even breathe to the point where i cant catch my breath and theres just this long pause and its so awkward. one time i actually had to physcially stop and go up to the teacher and make some exscuse. so by my doing really good this could really help my self confidence but if do really bad this could be bad. what could i do to help my anxiety? its not even that im nervous of presenting, it comes naturally to me but this happens and i dont know why?? thankyouu (link)
As a fellow anxiety sufferer, I get you. It's totally possible to feel anxious about stupid things that you aren't nervous about. There are days when getting on the bus makes me anxious, but it's not like I'm afraid of taking the bus.
The key is to practice. And practice and practice and practice. Practice until you can do it with your eyes closed and then practice some more. Don't leave anything to chance. Also, if possible I find that volunteering to be first is (counterintuitively) a good tactic. When you go first you don't have to sit in your seat and stew about what's coming up.
I also like to stop prepping an hour or so beforehand and just focus on relaxing. This goes for tests, too. Any cramming you do at the last minute only makes you more anxious, and you're not going to get anything out of it. Don't even look at your cue cards for an hour before your presentation. Practice your breathing exercises and relax as best as you can.
hey my phyciatrist gave me some meds for depression anxiety ocd im 13 and start them tommorow what does that feel like |
i self harm will it help with that
You probably won't feel very much at first. I know that when I start a new medication there are sometimes some side effects like headache, nausea, or other things like that.
The main thing is to give it time. Don't expect a big change right away. Over time you'll notice that things get a little easier.
If you experience really bad side effects (I had one medication that made me throw up every day) or if you wait a month and aren't feeling any better, talk to your doctor about switching. If things get worse, tell your doctor right away. I know it seems counterintuitive, but no matter what don't stop taking the meds on your own. If you stop cold turkey you can experience some terrible withdrawal symptoms.
I'm still going though the last week of my life. I'm not going to stop and think twice about it. Today is Monday and I have a few days to go
My life has no purpose and meaning. I never had any serious relationship and I have no idea what love is.
I've turned to church but I don't think anybody understand what I'm going through.
I wake up every day going through life like a wombie. I can't talk to anyone because I can't really explain it or when I tried very hard to put words on my pain, people think that I have no real reason to feel this way.
I have people telling me that what I'm feeling is not normal in a sense that I should be ashamed of feeling the way I do.
And to be honest with you I sometimes do. I feel ashamed of not being happy of not trying hard enough to make myself happy. I told them I'm lonely, they said go out and find yourself a guy like it was easy to do or like I didn't want to do. It's not easy for some people to open up about their feelings.
I feel like I don't belong to the world, like there is no place for me anywhere. I promise you if anything bad will happened, it will happened to me. I always say or do the wrong thing that get everyone hate me. People think I'm weird and I must be an idiot. I graduated from high school when I was 15. I have a bachelor degree which I got when I was 21 (because I moved to the US and I had to learn the language).People think I'm stupid because of my accent.
I'm not from here and I feel like I don't belong, back home I didn't feel like I belonged either.
It doesn't make sense to myself, I don't know what the hell is wrong with me but I'm not ok. I don't know how to put words on my pain.
But I'm done trying to fit in into this world which may not wants me anyway. (link)
I didn't respond earlier because I felt like you really needed time to think things through on your own.
Being depressed isn't something to be ashamed of. Neither is being lonely. Both are a part of the human condition. Fortunately so are love, happiness and laughter.
If you're still around to read this, I urge you to find professional help. Sometimes family and friends will give well-meaning but hurtful or useless advice, but a professional will listen to you and try to help you work your way through things. A counselor, psychiatrist or even a religious leader can be a great resource when you're trying to come to terms with life and its difficulties.
I really, truly hope that you are still alive and well. Life is a struggle, but it is worthwhile when things start turning around.
This coming week is my last week on earth. I have decided that next week by this same time, I would be dead. I'm not asking for an answer or any kind of empathy for my person. Life sucks and it not going to suck any less next year or tomorrow. |
Something hard changes your life, you tried to make your life go back to the way it was, but you do not succeed. Then you've lived so LNG in the situation that ou got used to it, then surprise, something even worse happens. Again you tried to get used to it and again and again and again you get hit every time you get up. (if that makes any sense to anyone, then you surely understand me).
I have tried to make it more like I would like it, I have tried very hard but I'm still miserable everyday even more. I guess this is my final note because I assume no one will read this until it's done and I'm gone.
My life is like a sand at the beach, no matter how different it is, it's still a piece of sand and one less would definitely not even be remembered for a long time and it won't even do any thing to anyone. Us humans don't care about something unless it actually affect us personally or someone in our entourage.
If this is true, then The sun will continue to shine and everything else will be the same for all of you who don't know me.
Whoever read this, please tell my parents that I'm so so so sorry and they were good to me.
To the rest of the family I love you. I love you all but I can't take it anymore I'm sorry I just can't. Please forgive me and try to make your lives matter and I hope that you guys live for a long time.
I've been there. Trust me, I have.
I know what it's like to get used to hardship only to have something worse happen and send you plummeting again. I know what it's like to have this happen over and over and over until you can't take it any more.
I also know what it's like to give up on life. I know what it's like to take all the pills you can before someone stops you and what it's like to end up in the hospital having your stomach pumped. I know what it's like to have your family hate you for putting them through something like this.
I'm telling you what I know so that you'll take me seriously when I say that there is light on the other side. If I had been successful on any of my several suicide attempts, I would never have been married. I wouldn't be going to school right now. I wouldn't be sitting here and hoping that I can keep you from making the same mistake I did.
You can't get your old life back, no matter what people tell you. I've missed out on years of living as a young adult because I spent most of it as a total headcase. I'm stuck in a program at school that is a lower level than what I am capable of, because I screwed up my academic career when I went off the rails mentally. I don't have a lot of friends, and I'm not the bubbly, outgoing person I used to be. But you know what? It's not all that bad. Sure, I don't have my old life, but I don't take my new life for granted. I'm diving into school with an energy I never had before, because I'm realizing that I might have missed out on graduating from college. I'm not perky and outspoken now, but I am stronger, more mature and a hell of a lot more compassionate than I was before everything went downhill.
We are the sum of our experiences, or at least the sum of what we take from each one. A person who has dealt with hardship and made it through is going to be a stronger, deeper and better person for it. You won't get your old life back, but if you make it past this roadblock you'll be adding to your new life and your new self.
I get that feeling that individual lives are insignificant, but I can tell you that I learned the opposite on the various occasions when I either wanted to or tried to kill myself. The first time I dealt with the impulse as an adult, I learned that strangers on the internet are capable of an incredible degree of caring and compassion. My first attempt, I learned that my real friends are the ones who will stick by me through anything, rather than running the moment an awkward topic comes up. My second attempt, I learned that there is no way I could possibly hurt more than my family hurt when I had to call them from the hospital and tell them what had happened. And the last time I had to deal with a really strong suicidal urge, I learned that I need to fight for myself.
No life is insignificant. You can't possibly fathom the reach of your connections until you see them all laid out in front of you. For example, your family is good to you, so they must care about you. They might not see or understand how much you hurt right now, but they do care. And throughout writing this response to your post, I have actually been in tears, not because of rehashing my painful past, but because it kills me that someone else feels the way I felt. I've never met you, and wouldn't know you if I brushed past you in the street, but if I were to find out that nobody was able to save you, I would be devastated.
Your life matters, and it will continue to matter. Just keep pushing and fighting, even when you have no fight left in you. It's not like there's a magical break, and everything is sunshine and puppy dogs. I'm not going to feed you that line of crap. Life does suck, and often, but life can be amazing too. I'm not going to pretend like I don't still struggle, but I am grateful for every day I have, and I know you will be too.
Please, talk to someone. Even if it's just through this website or a suicide hotline, or if it's a friend, relative or medical professional. Tell someone what you're going through, and get the support you need to make it. You are worth the fight.
Like say I'm driving on the highway and I start to put my car on the gravel on the side of the road and then I just over correct to where my car flips. Would I live from that?? (link)
You can live through a severe car wreck, and you can die from a fender bender. It all depends on the injuries you get.
Since you posted this under mental health, I'm assuming that you're thinking about suicide. If that's the case, don't go through with this.
For entirely pragmatic reasons, you shouldn't even give this a shot because you could end up living, but with horrible injuries. Months or even years of rehab and pain. You could end up braindead, living forever with limited mental function.
You could hurt someone else. Someone who rounds the bend unexpectedly, someone who tries to get you out of your car and is injured in an explosion. Not to mention family and friends who would be hurting forever because of the hole you're no longer there to fill.
There's always a way out, but suicide isn't the one to take. Call a hotline near you, or go to the nearest ER if you feel like you're in immediate danger. There's always help, it just might take a little time to work. Give yourself a chance.
hi dear!!am 20 years old female(India). one boy loves me sincerely.even i do..he is so much possessive.. he will not let me to talk with any other boys because of his possessiveness..but sometimes i hate him because of this attitude because i will not be able to talk to any other boys even though i think they are my good friend.... he always cares for my proper dressings..always he warns me to dress up neatly..i assure you i always dress up neatly..sometimes without my knowledge my shawl can move aside.. but he never forgive me for that.. always he scolds me in public that i wanted to adjust my shawl..even he has bet me once in our bus-stop before all because of this shawl matter.. i was so much hurt when i asked for the reason crying he said i bet you because your shawl was not proper and so happy that i have full rites to beat you since you are my wife like that he said...also if i put mobile in silent mode then if he is not able to contact me he will get more tension and scolds me like a hell... all these silly matters hurts me a lot.. but still he loves me he cares for me like heaven..he is in true love with me... whenever he scolds me i feel like hating him and i feel like i lost my life totally..Even though i think to leave him my heart is not allowing me..am suffering to see him lonely..because he has no friends in college...what should i do???is this kind of love important??always it ends up with a fight whenever i think to be happy with him... i cant lead a good life..he is the person who can do anything for me.he is my family friend too..am the girl always wanted to be happy..always i should feel free..i hate anyone who comple me to do something..but in this love am happening to sacrifice many things..if i change my character and sacrifice all the things for my guy,wil i be able to be happy?? if i decide to leave him,there will be no one for me who cares for me but at the same time i wanted to be happy..what should i do??please help and advice me.... (link)
You won't be happy if you change yourself for someone, especially if that person is abusive.
This guy may tell you he loves you, and he may be very sweet most of the time, but he is abusive and controlling. He has no right to lay a hand on you for any reason, and he has no right to scold you and make you feel like nothing. If he's being abusive now, things will only get worse if you end up getting married. He has made it clear that he believes that this is a healthy relationship dynamic and it's not.
You deserve better than this, and you can find it. There are many, many men out there in the world who will treat you well and love you. If you're having trouble leaving, there are resources in place.
Studies have shown that up to 70% of women in India are victims of domestic violence. This puts you at risk for serious injury, emotional damage and possibly death. If you were to marry this man and have children with him, your children could be subject to the same. If you are having trouble leaving, contact a domestic violence helpline near you.
I have a history of depression, I've been medicated on antidepressants for I think like 2 years.. When I began taking prozac I also started adderall for my A.D.D.
Throughout my life I've always been one to procrastinate, but lately it's amplified to the point where I can't finish anything.
I've tried cleaning my room probably seven times within the past 2 months and I've yet to completely finish it (my room is pretty small and doesn't require any special cleaning. It's probably like 12 by 14?).
My graduation open house was on June 2nd and even though I went right out and bought my thank yous, I have completed only a handful. This IS a very tedious task, since there are so many to hand write and address, but it's been on the top of my priority list since the event.
I have no motivation to finish anything I start and sometimes can't even start things I know I have to. How can I get and stay on track? What's a good mindset to keep? (link)
When is the last time your dosage was modified? Your body will get used to a low dosage after some time, and may require more to get the same effect.
I know that when my medication is up for a tweak, the first things I notice are that my sleep cycle is out of whack and that I have trouble doing things. This may be a matter to take to your doctor.
In the meantime, try keeping yourself on a strict schedule. If you have certain things you need to get done, schedule time for them and don't allow yourself to do anything but that. Be specific. Instead of "Clean my room" write out a list of tasks you need to do in that room and check them off as they're completed. That way you're not doing one big project, you're doing a bunch of smaller ones that only take 5 minutes.
Also try rewarding yourself. Get 5 thank yous done, watch TV for a half hour. Get all of them done, go out to a movie. A method I used to get through massive amounts of math problems was to get something tasty like chocolate covered raisins, and have one after every problem I completed. If you can't pull motivation out of nowhere, you need to make your own.
Don't worry, I'm not going to do it, as the cons greatly outweigh the pros, and I know suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem. but ever since I've put myself in more stress the more I think about it. I don't even have any methods planned or anything, it's just when I feel really sad and ashamed I want to just melt into the ground and not be seen, and not try and reach out for help. i've started seeing a therapist but I hate how it's only once a week, I feel like I have so much to get off my chest. I think all my problems revolve around me being a perfectionist, so it's like because I haven't been perfect I don't deserve to exist. I'm so much harder on myself than others. I accept others when they fail but I feel like I need to be extremely successful when I'm older, and know that I can, but being a perfectionist just gets in the way because it immobilizes me, makes me procrastinate, and then makes me feel guilty. it's an endless cycle. it's so hard to break out of it, and i know it's wrong but I still feel like I have to do even do more perfect work to make up for my f*** ups in the past. it's like i'm trapped in a hell of my mind. why can't i just let the past go so I can start working on reaching my dreams? why am I doing this to myself when it's stupid and doesn't get me anywhere? I want to be a high achiever instead of a perfectionist, so I can accept my mistakes and still work hard. but how do I do this? I still have many perfectionistic tendencies..|
sometimes I'm afraid of a loss of control, though. like i have to go to the bathroom before going anywhere, like the bus or in a car, or i'll have anxiety over suddenly needing to use the bathroom. and train stations scare me cause i'm afraid something will make me want to run and jump on the tracks.. i don't know why i'm afraid of this when it's never something i'd want to do and yet it's like i'm afraid of myself. i also put walls between me and most people. one benefit is that they aren't close enough to really hurt me at my core, but the cons are a lot worse as it's prevented me from having meaningful relationships, really, if i can't even trust others with my problems. i like to help out others and am open minded with them and yet i think they'll think negatively of me and leave me if i tell them my closest feelings. ugh why have i allowed myself to be this stupid. i wish i could just snap out of it, maybe if i did a long time ago my teenage years wouln't have sucked so bad and i'd actually be going to a great college right now on full scholarship. now im going to community college and i want to transfer later with great grades but i need to get a drive to do it and believe in myself or i'll just end up doing the same BS I've been doing in high school. i know i'm smart enough to do well in this world, but how can i get out of my rut?? (link)
I'm going to second Zane, but add another possibility: OCD.
I know, everyone knows OCD as the "counting" problem. Touching things even numbers of times, turning the lights on and off, washing your hands. It's not just that.
My main symptom of OCD was extreme perfectionism in myself. Example: it takes me forever to do homework by hand because if I make a mistake and have to erase it I need to start over on a new piece of paper because it's already "too messed up". A mistake can be anything from sloppy writing to an incorrect answer to untidy arrangement of the answer. Another example: even as a child, I wouldn't hand in homework. My mother said that she once went into my desk and saw dozens of completed homework assignments that weren't handed in. Why? Because I didn't think they were good enough. I still do the same thing today, although with counselling I'm getting better. It comes across as procrastinating, but it's more than that.
So yeah, OCD is definitely something to look into. Treatment varies from medication to cognitive behavioural therapy, which teaches you to practice mindful thinking. They get you to think before acting each time, and eventually it gets easier to make decisions. You can even try looking it up and working on it at home!
i get very depressed a lot. my doctor says i have a mood disorder. i think im bipolar but he is the doctor. he hasn't found the right dosage of medicine for me yet. i tried to kill myself with pills a few months ago. i dont want to do it again. can anyone give me tips for how to deal with depression. (link)
Don't ever, ever say "You're the doctor" when it comes to your health.
I'm not saying that you should use Google to diagnose yourself, but if you don't agree with a diagnosis and have real reasoning to back it up, fight until your doctor will listen to you.
I have bipolar disorder. I was misdiagnosed as having depression when I was a young teenager and subjected to years of antidepressants that did nothing but make me manic and miserable. It took until I was 20 or so before I had the guts to stand up to my doctor (thanks to a great counselor I had!) and tell him that I don't think I have depression. The problem is, rapid cycling bipolar disorder is easily mistaken for depression. The main question they'll ask is if you've had a mania lasting longer than a few weeks. Mine don't, usually, so my complaints of days of insomnia and high-flying were mostly ignored.
Chart your symptoms day by day in a journal. Take note of how much you sleep and when, what your activity levels are and what your mood is like. Don't just use the 1-10 scale. Are you happy, sad, agitated, euphoric, depressed? Did you experience anything like paranoia, hallucinations, etc? I'm not sure if you're female or not, but if you are keep track of your menstrual cycle in the same place, because hormones can affect your mood cycles as well. Keeping track of all of this can help your doctor in figuring out how best to treat you. If there's clear evidence that you're suffering from something other than depression and your doctor won't listen to you, find one who will.
Whatever you do, make sure you keep taking the medication, even if you don't feel it's working. The withdrawal from antidepressants is killer and can make you extremely ill.
Don't get in a situation where you can obsess over bad thoughts. If you get stuck in a loop, go do something else. Read a book, play a video game, knit a sweater, cook a dozen loaves of banana bread. Go for a walk and listen to music so loud that you don't get a chance to think.
If you're really struggling, open up to someone near you. Stay with a friend or family if you normally live alone. Avoid being in a situation where you are alone and suicidal in a house with anything that can harm you. Find a safe place, even if it's just a coffee house.
I know it's hard sometimes to keep living life when you're depressed. Even little things like getting in the shower can be a huge chore. So celebrate those little accomplishments. Be proud of yourself for getting out of bed, for showering, for putting on clothes. Every tiny step you take gets you closer to being better.
Most of all, don't lose track of the fact that you are not your depression. You are still yourself, and as soon as you're out of the fog you will be back to normal (mostly). Depression can make us miserable, awful people to be around, but that is always temporary.
Ok so I'm 23 and when I was about 18 I basically descided to kill myself 4 months ago when I was on the edge of killing myself I met a woman that I fall in love and she gave me a reason to live she made me think of the future she made me think of building the future with her but then the relationship ended The day it ended 4 days ago i tried to commit suicside on overdosing pills and I failed now I'm still determine to kill myself one day the thing or the issue in my head is why even bother trying to help myself or bother living i feel like its not worth the time I feel like no one would even wanna be with me of try knew that I'm suicidal because who wants to be with someone that could just suicside one day .... (link)
I'm going to be blunt.
No, nobody is going to want a relationship with someone who could just up and kill themselves any day. It's exhausting to be relied upon 24/7 to keep someone alive. Why should anyone get into a long-term relationship not knowing if there is a long term?
As someone who suffers from mental illness, I'm well aware of how selfish it makes us when we're at our worst. I need help. I need you to keep me living. I need, I need, I need. We can only see our own needs, and not those of the people around us. Instead of being equal partners, we can become burdens.
Nobody is going to want to be with you if you don't show signs of helping yourself. My husband gave me an ultimatum: either I start using the resources I had access to and get some help or he leaves. Until that point, I had been depending on him for everything. He couldn't so much as go out with friends for a few hours without returning to me sobbing and telling him that if he didn't want me, I might as well kill myself. Sounds like a party, right?
You've been suicidal for over 5 years, right? What have you done about it? You can't depend on another person to make you feel like living forever. It can be a good temporary fix, but eventually you need to learn to stand on your own two feet. If you show that you're trying, people will be more open to relationships AND you won't need a relationship, you'll just want them.
Find a counselor, find a psychiatrist, talk to your family doctor. If you're on medication, it's clearly not working, so get it changed. If you're not, see about getting on it and take it. Find things to keep you going. Get a part time job, start volunteering or pick up a new hobby. It's a lot harder to commit suicide when that sweater you're knitting is only half-done (I'm not even joking, I used that as a reason not to once). Take care of yourself.
I'm not saying that you can't lean on people from time to time. Seeking help can be difficult, and you'll need support from family and friends. They just can't be the help that you need. That's putting them in an awful position. So lean, but don't insist that they carry you.
I am supposed to give a presentation in front of the school next week and I am trying to get out of it but I can't cuz its part of my project (and its not even required but my mentor is making me do it) and I have a HUGE fear of public speaking. I have a partner but I can't control how I feel... I start to shake, sweat, my throat tightens up and gets so dry I can't talk. I will have to talk in front of about 800 people. Just the thought of it makes my face burn and I can't do it!|
Are there any pills that can help me relax or anything else? I'd rather die... (link)
Seriously? Take 3 or 4 shots? That's an interesting one.
I also would not suggest anxiety pills. I have them, and when I have to take one I get sleepy, my thought processes slow and my speech starts slurring. Not the best look for a big speech.
The best thing you can do is practice, practice, practice. Know that stuff front and back until you could give the speech in your sleep, then practice it some more. That way you'll be less likely to draw a blank or to read from your notes too much.
Another thing is to remember that this is only one tiny part of your life. If you find yourself worrying, tell yourself that in just a little while it will be over and you won't have to do it again. What's 5-10 minutes in the grand scheme of things, right?
Some people say to picture the audience in their underwear. I like to pretend that they're not there, or that I know all of them and that I'm comfortable with them.
Conquering the fear of public speaking is a really great idea. There will be times in your future where you may have to use those skills, and it's great to have some practice.
Hi im a 23 year old guy, I used to be life and soul of the party, always out, always one of the jokers of the pack etc. The last 3 or 4 years things have been slowly going down hill, sometime i work like 15 hours a day, and dont get overtime for it but i do it to help out family, im currently off work due to depression, and im really scared i wont be able to provide for my fiance and 6 month old son. Things are really bad for me at the moment, and I feel so useless and worthless, I dont even like being around people anymore, and am a compete mess, twice this week ive picked up a knife and gone to slice my wrists and bottled it at the last minute, I have coucelling in the next few weeks, but if that doesn't work then I dont think ill be able to get through this, someone please help me (link)
Wait it out. See your counselor. See what they have to say. I know this feels like forever, but things can and do turn around.
Those feelings of being useless and not wanting to be around people? They're caused by your depression. They aren't you. You are still the life and soul of the party, you're just sort of hidden for now. Counselling will help you to bring yourself out from hibernation.
Don't expect counselling to work overnight. It might take some time. It might not be all that you need. Be open to taking medication that's prescribed to you. If you are prescribed antidepressants, know that they do take up to a few months to really kick in, but once they do you might not need to be on them forever.
The best advice I can give you is to try to force yourself into a routine. Goodness knows that the first thing I want to do when I'm in a depressive phase is to sit around in my underpants on the couch playing Mass Effect and eating Ben and Jerry's. Something valuable I was taught during my counselling is that I need to maintain a schedule. Set an alarm and get out of bed every day at the same time, so you don't spend the whole day in bed. Get at least an hour of exercise a day, because it's proven to help lift your mood. Eat healthy and at regular times. Celebrate the little things you accomplish, like showering or weeding the garden. Force yourself out of the house every day, even just to do some grocery shopping. Things like that will help you get back on track.
Your fiancee and your little guy need you. They'll still be there for you when you get out of the fog. If anything was to happen to you, they'd be missing you forever. Take comfort in that, because not everybody has someone to miss them. And you always have us on Advicenators :)
Lots of people go through this in their lifetime. You will make it through too!
y do people try to stop people when they want to die? its probably for a good reason that they do not want to live anymore|
I can't speak for anyone else, but I can tell you why I try to stop people.
About 6 years ago, I came to this site looking for an easy, painless way to kill myself. I had next to no relationship with my family, I was plummeting into a length battle with mental illness, and I was failing out of university. I asked a question without signing up so nobody would know who I was, and because I didn't plan on ever coming back.
I received an outpouring of answers sharing peoples' experiences, telling me things would get better, telling me that someone out there cared if I died, telling me that THEY cared if I died.
So I didn't try that time. I joined Advicenators, kept asking questions and started trying to make a difference in other peoples' lives. It's not like my life was magically solved, but I held on for just a while longer. There were a few suicide attempts and plans after that, but each time someone was able to catch me and stop me. Now, 6 years after that first question I'm happily married, living in a house that we purchased, curled up on the couch with our awesome dog. My life isn't perfect, but I'm learning more every day about how to cope with or change the things I'm not happy about. My relationship with most of my family is back on track and my bipolar disorder is pretty well regulated.
If I hadn't asked that question on Advicenators, I don't know if I'd have made it here. If the people who answered my question told me to go ahead, or even worse, stayed silent... I would be gone. I owe Advicenators my life. That is why I try my best to answer every suicide question. When I do answer, I share my story and tell them that they can make things better, that you shouldn't end your life based on one, or even 100 bad moments, because there are so many amazing moments waiting for you in the future.
I had good reasons to want to kill myself. I'm sure everyone who considers suicide does. I just like to point out the reasons why everyone should stay alive, and they're even better.
Im always memorizing things in my brain il go thru day and have to remember tiny things.i cant miss anything out ilook up words or phrases icant remember need toremember IT HURTING MY BRAIN ive been like this the last week i need to tel a story my wayin my languge so it ALL out like i noticed lately the front of my brain where my forehead is is bulging dwn near my nose.it hurts im exhausted iwant to collapse in bed im so sad.ifeel lile icnt trustmy friends anymore idnt talk to anyone.im roling idnt want tofeelthis shit im exausted.imy thoughts are mudled from rearanging them al the time..too be perfect?im not diagnosed anything but depression,social anxiety.hel.im on lithium and prozac.ifeel so lonely.26/F (link)
I'm not a psychiatric professional, but I have so many psychological disorders that I may as well be one!
To me, what you're saying just screams OCD. OCD isn't all about washing your hands or touching things a certain number of times. Sometimes, you're like me and can't do something unless you do it perfectly, or can't focus unless your surroundings are organized.
You're already diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. OCD is just another one. Things cause you anxiety that shouldn't, like not being able to remember something meaningless.
The good news is that you're already on the medication that most doctors would prescribe for OCD. The biggest part of treating OCD, though, is therapy, just like with any anxiety disorder. You've got to learn some skills for coping with stress and hopefully reducing it. If you're already seeing someone for your depression and anxiety, that's great! Let them know about the symptoms you're experiencing and they'll likely come to the same conclusion I have.
The isolation is likely a symptom of your depression. If you've only started on your meds recently, they take a while to start working. Sometimes up to a few months. If you've been on them for a long time, it may be time for a readjustment.
So I stumbled upon this site, and after digging through some jumble I stumbled upon some powerful testimonies.... Here is mine|
Im a 27yr old male who really is just lost in this life, I constantly find myself trying to compare to a "life timeline"
I have so much to say I dont really know where to start, so Im just going to put it into text and hopefully someone can lift me.
I grew up in an upper middle class neighborhood, my father killed himself when I was 3 years old. The kids I grew up with were all 5-8+ years my senior. I was always the one "fighting" so to speak. Getting picked on what have you. I'll never forget the day where I pissed off one of these friends so bad that he told me, "At least my dad didn't kill himself with a crossbow"
Now, at this time I was prolly 11-12? It sticks with me to this very day. I was 3 when he died, I DISTINCTLY remember coming home from the sitter's to a house full of parents from around the neighborhood, surrounding my crying mother. My mother pulled me into the next room and in her own words told me, "daddy was sick, and he died". Now, at the time, I took that as he threw-up and then died. Im still scared to this day to throw up.
His death never effected me emotionally, my mother always had me sports, I was pretty good at them and traveled with baseball and hockey in the summertime when I wasnt in school. I was always busy.
When I came to Highschool, I was the ONLY kid to make the baseball team that wasn't in someway tied into the baseball program (much like politics). I earned my spot on that team, I worked my ass off. I was so proud of myself.
That exuberance carried into my highschool social life. It was pretty much that of a movie, typical ass hole jock. I cared about what people where thinking of me, and went out of my way for that extra laugh.
I was blessed was a set of baby blue eyes, and an appetite for girls.
My senior year rolls around and life suddenly ceased as I knew it. Huge rumors went around of an underclassman that was going to start over me this upcoming season in baseball, it really put me in a place I had never experienced.
BPE - was a class required to graduate, it was a personal fitness class. PFFFF CAKE!! it was even taught by the soccer coach. Being an athelete I had it made.
One day during this BPE class we were playing basketball in the gym with our coach. To this day I struggle to remember what I said to him but I cant remember ( I've always been the type of person to either bring the best or absolute worst out of someone ) Whatever I said to him upset him, he distracted me by pointing over my shoulder. When I looked back, he reared back and thew the basketball right at me, I reacted and caught the ball with my right (throwing hand) Thumb, it hyper-extended it, and it snapped the tendon back into my thumb.
Long story short my mom and step father didnt really know what to do. School Police investigated, local police investigated, even a detective pulled me out of class to ask me what happened. It was basically my story against a grown man's. I had a cast on my arm, I was so emotional from this I quit the baseball and Hockey teams.
I fell into my first depressed state, all these girls I hooked up with was finally catching up with me. The friends that were "cool" didnt care about me, I went from everything to nothing before I even knew what happened.
I had always smoked cigarettes since the 5th grade, and marijuana since the 6th grade (remember the kids in my neighborhood were much older than me)
but this time, I yeared for those drags more and more.
At 18, I went to local college and lived at home due to my license being suspended I graduated high school with a 3.45gpa, and finished my freshman year at a university with a 3.2gps, keeping my "hope" scholarship.
Sophomore year I had made a new circle of friends from online video games. I was experimenting with drugs for the first time. I attended maybe 3 classes that first semester and with the help of a third party counseler recieved and medical withdrawl, they claimed b/c I was bipolar with being suspectible with past family history.
2nd Sophomore year I decided to turn my life around and move away from the temptation and bad choices. I packed up a rented u-haul trailer and hitched it to my suv and drove 800miles north.
When I arrived I searched frantically for a place to live, and the last place and me living with 3 other pill head/pot heads.
So, now at the ripe age of 20 im learning that you cant run from your problems, your problems follow you.
I achieved nothing at school up north, on spring break everyone drove home to their familes upstate. Mine lived more than 800 miles away, so I locked myself in with an 8ball of cocaine.
I noticed myself gaining a receiding hairline @ 20.
Being from the south and moving up north, I stuck out like a sore thumb. I had no trouble hooking up with women.
When I moved back down home, I decided to hit the real world and get a job. I started waiting tables at a finer seafood place, and I was making more money than I had ever seen.
I met this girl who was 19 at the time I was 21. Long story short, we took muscle relaxers and had sex. After we were done we fell asleep. The next thing I know I'm getting my ass beat by her stepfather. He walks into his bedroom and pulls a gun out, loads it in my face, cocks it, and sticks it in the rear of my back. 2 days later, that girl and I moved in together. 9 months I found myself in small claims court at the end of a nasty breakup.
I kept putting myself in bad situations.
Now, im 27, I've worked in the food industry since I was 14. I can't take it anymore, I'm always angry! If some stupid cunt says something rude to me, I retort right back at them.
I'm 27 years old, I've had over 25jobs and I've either quit, or been fired from every single one.
I feel like I have so much more to talk about and you are only seeing what my fingers can type out.
I've been jobless for the past 3months. My biological father's mother just pass recently. I received a small amount of money that I have been living off of.
I'm stuck and I dont know what to do, I've talked to professionals, and they can all suck my cock. I dont want to take pills. Ive had my drug experiment stage and I'm proud to say that drugs do not tempt me.
I do smoke marijuana regularly.
I'm cursed with women. I've been such a dog to sp many that I know I'm being punished by Aphrodite herself. My last 2 girlfriends were marriend and pregnant no more than 6months after breaking up with me.
I'm a great lover, and a shitty solemate. I find it hard to open up to women about how I feel. I look for my mother in them.
and yes, i'm an only child who is a momma's boy, who has a severe case of daddy issues.
I do think about suicide, but then I think of my mother.
I want to be lifted of this fog, NO I DO NOT AGREE WITH PILLS.
I put far too many online hours into games now, but I have nothing else to devote myself into, no career, no girl, no friends, I just sit here, knowing that I am the epitome of a Highschool loser.
I have been seeing psychiatric professionals of one sort or another since age 7, and if I had the anatomy for it I'd be passing along your message to most of them, too. If I had a nickel for every counselor who tried to tell me there was nothing wrong with me, or every doctor who forced antidepressants on me even when I told them it was making me feel worse, I'd have... a lot of nickels. I'm going somewhere with this, trust me.
All it takes is one good one to help. Mental health professionals are like shoes. Some just aren't comfortable, and if they're not the right fit for you they'll end up doing more harm than good. Don't discount shoes altogether just because you haven't found that perfect pair quite yet. Even if the ones you've encountered so far aren't great for you, chances are that if you look back on it you'll be able to pull at least one useful thing from each of them. One such gleaning that I managed to pull from a particularly frightful mismatch was something I think you would benefit from.
Reading your story, and particularly the wording of it, you seem to be plagued by external loci of control. Aphrodite is punishing you. You're a loser. Everything you say is said as if you couldn't possibly do anything about it. "This is who I am, and it sucks." You don't feel as if you're in control of your future, and that's perfectly normal when you're dealing with mental illness and particularly bipolar disorder.
You may not agree with your doctor's diagnosis, but as someone else who has bipolar disorder it's not hard to see when someone is exhibiting symptoms. The tendency to pack up and leave with grandiose ideas of making everything better all at once. The cycle of being extremely successful, then failing spectacularly. The irritability. The drug use (and yes, marijuana is a drug) is a form of self-medication. I've been guilty of it in the past as well.
You've had a rough go of it so far. Nobody would argue with that. The problem is that in order to get your life to where you want it to be, you have to regain control of it. Instead of being that guy who can't open up to women, you need to work on becoming better at it. Instead of being a loser, you need to figure out what you feel would lift you out of that status and take steps to achieve it. This is where counselors can help a great deal, if you find the right one. I've actually been working with an occupational therapist, and he's working wonders with helping me get back into school and work.
Don't discount medications. It's hard not to, especially when you're feeling good, and even more especially when you have to deal with side effects even though you don't feel the need to be on the meds. I've been there. I'm finally at the stage where we've figured out what medication I need to be on, and fine-tuning the dosage. That's taken 3 years. It takes time to find the right one, but when you do it can help in ways that just counseling or pulling up your socks won't. Bipolar disorder isn't like depression. It's not the sort of problem where you can just exercise and eat right and paste on a smile to get through the days until it ends. It doesn't end, ever. That said, you're not going to be held down and forced into accepting medication. If your symptoms aren't bad enough to mess with your life, you may be able to do without. In fact, bipolar disorder can be a positive thing if harnessed correctly. My OT told me a story about an old patient of his who owned several large businesses. When he was in his depressive phase, he would pull back and let his subordinates do the work. When he was manic, he would open up three new branches. He was incredibly successful despite going unmedicated. Everyone is different. Personally, I can't function for more than 3 months without medication before my swings go bonkers and take me out. If you're still having trouble reaching where you want to be, medication may be a good option for you.
I know the temptation to start fixing everything at once when you start to swing out of a down phase. Attempt moderation. Work on doing things that you can maintain. In the past, as soon as I started feeling better I would register in school, get a job, start a hobby, make all sorts of grand plans... and then lose them all because I would eventually swing back down and be unable to maintain it all at once. Lately, I've been working on taking on one thing at a time when I feel good. I started working a job almost a year ago, nothing glamorous but something to keep me going. It's been iffy at times, but I'm still there. When I'm feeling good, I am an excellent performer. When I'm not... I cope. Now I'm hoping to add school into the mix in the fall. It's like juggling. Nobody goes from looking at a box of knives to juggling 20 of them.
You're not doomed to a life of mediocrity. In fact, you're probably doomed to an eternity of being exceptional. Harness your energy and focus it into productivity. Even if it's a crappy minimum wage job, be the best damn employee they have. You have that potential. Use it, and work your way up from nothing.
I'm a fifteen year old female and i am currently taking celexa and seroquil for my severe depression. i was talking to someone else who also has depression and he says he doesn't take medications and only takes vitamins and exercises so that he doesn't feel that way anymore. is it possible for me to try this? i'm not fond of the idea of taking celexa and seroquil because of the side effects, such as defects in a child that i might have in the future, and i really want to have kids.|
I've taken Celexa in the past, and I'll add to the list of people telling you not to quit it cold turkey on your own. If I missed so much as a single dose, I'd go into terrible withdrawal symptoms. It was awful.
There are different levels of depression, just like there are different levels of any other disorder. Someone may find that they can control their diabetes with diet and exercise, while someone else may need an insulin pump. Just because diet and exercise works for someone else doesn't mean it will work for you. The fact that they've got you on two medications right now probably means that you need the extra help.
Don't worry about birth defects right now. That's only if you're taking those particular medications while you're pregnant. If you're planning on starting a family, you can talk to your doctor and either be weaned off of your current meds or put on others that don't carry a risk. I know the side effects from the meds suck, but you may not need to be on them forever. My father has been able to go off his meds a few times (doctor-supervised, of course) for periods of years. Plus, you'll change as you grow older, so your medical needs will change as well.