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Arguing about vacations/holidays, do we have a future?
My boyfriend of 3 years and I are 21 years old, he loves going on vacations/holidays and travelling to new places. I, however, cannot stand going on vacation/holiday. I live in a small town in the country in the UK and all my family live in the area. My family are the most important thing to me and I'm perfectly happy where I live. Travelling and going away really stresses me out, I do not find it relaxing, it's often expensive and I do not have a lot of money, I'm saving up for a place of my own. My boyfriend knows this but he's always really pushy about going on holiday.
I've compromised, a few months ago I went to the other end of the UK for a week's holiday but I was so stressed the whole time, all I wanted to do was to come back home. I get really anxious about having a car accident, cities getting bombed and people getting stabbed for example. What if I went away and something happened to us? Or what if something happened to my family back home and I wasn't there? My boyfriend's demanding that we're going on 3 more holidays in the next few months. He gets angry with me when I say I don't want to go and he just keeps saying that I HAVE to go. I compromised by going on that holiday to the other side of the UK and I don't mind going on day trips (but not to huge cities). I've told him that in a few years, when we're older and have more life experience (we're both still living with our parents) that I would consider going away more. But he keeps going on at me to go on holiday now, further and further away each time. Has anybody got any advice on what to do?
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I'm going to disagree with just about everyone here. It's not the end of the world if your priorities regarding travel don't align at this particular moment.
My husband used to hate travelling. He'd had bad experiences travelling with this family, and found it to be a huge source of stress and discomfort. I love to travel and suffer from an excess of wanderlust. We've been together for nearly 10 years, and we've found a way to make it work.
It doesn't sound to me like you're completely against travel or travel-phobic. You just want to stay within your financial means and comfort zone for now, but are willing to compromise and expand your horizons. That's a good sign. You're also on the right track: start small and work your way up.
The best thing that my husband and I were able to do is to get him involved in planning. That way, travel wasn't some foreign thing being forced on him, but something he was comfortable with. I make sure to get him involved now every time I start planning a vacation. We're now at a point where he will help pick activities or places to stay, and is even offering up a few places he'd like to go. It's still not the priority for him that it is for me, but we're managing pretty well.
Compatibility while travelling isn't the relationship dealbreaker everyone seems to think it is. When you work full time, travel takes up maybe 3-4 weeks a year - is it worth it to throw away a great relationship for the sake of those couple weeks? Worst case scenario, you could always travel separately on occasion. My husband loves skiing and I don't, so he went away for a week with his family to a popular skiing location without me, and I'll be heading off on a month long solo hike this summer to check off one of the items on my bucket list. It's not the end of the world, is what I'm saying.
Continue to compromise and expand your horizons one baby step at a time. You can make it work!
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It appears you have an unhealthy phobia about leaving a known safe environment. Yes venturing into the unknown can be stressful but it can also be fun. Some things will happen whether your home or not and being home will not prevent them.
Statistically you're more likely to have a car accident within 25 miles of home than if you were on vacation 1,000 miles from home. If something were to happen to a family member it will happen whether you home or not at home. statistics again say whatever happens to a loved one generally happens when you are out shopping, working or just out with friends.
TO fear to travel because these idiots may set off a bomb is a bit justified though it is also allowing them to win a battle one that puts a hardship on those places dependent on tourism.
To be frozen in place is not justifiable and I suggest you talk to someone about it. There is something deep seated within you that has caused this fear. Talking with a clinical psychologist will help you discover what that is and allow you to deal with it in a better way. Traveling and seeing new places is fun and allows you to grow as person and expand your horizons.
Your boyfriend is both wrong and right in trying to force you to travel with him. HE is wrong because you have an unnatural fear that he is not realizing or dealing properly with. He is right because you need to overcome this fear. The proper way to overcome this fear is with the right kind of help.
Talk to you boyfriend make sure he understands that this is not a reluctance but a phobia that you have. Something you need to learn to deal with and are going to get help for. While you are learning to deal with this you need his love and support.
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First odd, i want to say that this sounds like a very unheathy relationship. Your boyfriend is disregarding how you feel entirely. And your thoughts are null to him. As long as he gets his way he doesnt care.
I get being with someone for three years and thinking about breaking up is scary. But this guy is demanding you have to do something you dont want to and that makes you feel uncomfortable. That is NOT okay at all! You are right to think travel when you are a little bit older as you are still very very young,.
I would advise taking some time away from this man. ABSOLUTELY no person especially someone you are in a commited relationship with should ever put you in a situation that makes your stressed to the max or uncomfortable.
I hope thia helps hon :)
<3 Jasmine23
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Break up.
You've got a basic incompatibility here. That sucks, but what sucks more is going on both of you pretending that the other person is going to change. That's not gonna happen.
You know you aren't changing. Respect him enough to believe that he is sincere in his desire to travel and he's not gonna change.
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Maybe he shuld go on a permanent vacation especially if he can't flex and is ramming this down your throat so to speak. Go on vacation now and then but not 3-4 times a year. Secondly, you don't HAVE to do a damn thing you don't want to do. Nobody can make you.
Next, he's got a point that you have too much irrational fears in relation to vacationing. The odds of a city ever being bombed or attacked by terrorists is really high millions to 1. The likelihood it is to your city and while in it are also in the millions to 1. You have more likelihood of being struck by a car in a parking lot than you do this.
Don't let 9/11 or other incidents influence how you live or where you go. That's absurd and by doing so continously you miss out on experiences and they win. Talk to a therapist about the fears preventing you from vacationing and being able to relax. That's not normal behavior.
As far as your family goes nobody is going to die, get divorced, married or in an accident without you being there. It's also an abnormal and irrational behavior and thought that has no relevancy to real life. They'll be fine and so will you. On these two issues alone I can see your boyfriend's point of view. However, he needs to be tolerant and work with you on the crippling fears and build up to you going anywhere at any time.
You need to confront the fears by going away on weekend trips to different plaes you have never been be it into a big city or into a smaller area and relax and see things are safe and then build up to bigger places farther apart. Let him know about these fears and that you don't know how to become comfortable or silence them yet and that it's an anxiety or psychological issue not an I don't want to go period issue.
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