The object of my column will be to help you help yourself by pointing you in the right direction if I can or by supplying you with WEB resources you can use that will help you find the answers your looking for.


Long story short I was dating a guy last year ended up pregnant and we broke up shortly after.. He threatened to take custody of the baby, threatened to have me jumped so I'd lose the baby, and also said when he gets visitation he would drown the baby.... Well I had to go to the hospital for cramping and he found out and assumed I gaff lost the baby so I just let him believe it and we haven't spoke since... Now I have a beautiful little baby and I can't help but feel guilty... Am I doing the right thing keeping my baby away from him and his psychotic behavior our am I doing the right thing to protect my little one.... Is it wrong that my son doesn't know his father it that this man has no idea he has a son? I feel terrible but on the other hand I feel I'm protecting my baby please help

You have a unique question that actual breaks down into three parts. There is the law, which affects both of you as parents. The there is also reality and add to them the morality of right and wrong.

The Law: By law he has the right to know he is a father and to have visitation as well as certain custody rights if he wants them. Whether the court will award him any custody or visitation, supervised or unsupervised is really up to the courts as argued by the lawyers.

Then there is the matter of his legal responsibility to the baby in the manner of child support. Each state is a little different with its law in this regard as to just what his financial obligations are. Fact is the courts will decide based on the law just what you as custodial parent are due from him in financial support and what he must maintain in the manner of medical insurance and possibly life insurance for the term of his obligations.

Reality: You don't know what type of father he will be. You don't know if his threats were real or if he was just trying to scare you. I assume you never reported the threats so it is a he said she said thing. Do you have any witnesses to any of the threats you say he made. Unless the ex boyfriend has some type of police record for a judge to look at the judge may not take these threats into consideration.

The morality: The right and the wrong of it. For the sake of discussion lets just say while pregnant you had an accident and where in a coma. Lets take this a step further and say that the doctors took the baby and it survived. Since the doctors could not tell if you would ever wake up he took custody of the baby. When you awake from the coma no one tells you that you gave birth to a live baby. They let you assume you lost the child.

This is pretty close to the same scenario you're in now with the ex boy friend not knowing he has a son. Put yourself in this position and ask yourself how would you feel if sometime down the road you find out you have a son you never knew?

I or we cannot make this decision for you. What I can suggest is you see a lawyer. The lawyer can make sure that all the legal work is done so that he or she can fight for you to retain custodial custody and receive all the rights under the law that your ex is responsible for. The lawyer can also fight for supervised visitation should the ex want visitation until such time as the child is old enough to protect himself.

If you feel you would be in danger from your ex the lawyer can also ask the courts for an order of protection. The lawyer is also the best person to counsel you on this question as he or she know the law where you live and how it will affect you should you choose not to inform the ex.


I want two know if its hamfull if u skipped a day wot will happen sude u Lew it or drink it

Your question does not make much sense. I gather we are taking about some type of medication and you missed a day. The best person to answer your question if your asking what to do about missing a day of medication is to ask the pharmacist or your doctor as it depends on the medication as to what you should do.

Please in the future when writing to us do not use Twitter short hand. You have plenty of space to writ out your question.

You wrote; "hamfull if u" I assume hamfull is a spelling error for harmfull and "u" means you.

"wot will happen sude u Lew" "wot" I assume is a spelling error for what or it could be twitter shorthand I do not recognize. I have no idea what; "sude u Lew" means or what you are asking here.

When writing to sites like ours or asking for help on any site always write as if you were writing for your English teacher and are going to be graded on it. This will insure a prompt and hopefully correct reply to your question.


I recently suffered intense demonphobia. I had all the symptoms, and if I saw a picture of a demon (a real demon, not some stupid cartoon drawing) I would run away and be traumatized. Even if it wasn't THAT creepy. I asked my guardian angel for help and prayed for protection, remembering my nightmare followed by a panic attack, and I did the rosary and felt better, and after that I stopped feeling sick, and my heartbeat was back to normal, my legs weren't trembling,I started to breath normally, and basically the symptoms stopped. Now when I look at a picture of a demon I only feel a little queasy (to be fair they ARE really creepy) but I wanna know for sure this is over. Any ideas?

If you truly feel you have or are suffering from Demonophobia then you may be in need of professional help to overcome this problem. We are not doctors and we can't make medical diagnoses.

What I think is happening is you have found a way to cope with your fear. Coping is not a cure. Working with a qualified psychologist to overcome this fear is how you become cured.

If you are a young teenager living at home. I suggest you tell your parents of this fear and ask to see a psychologist for help. You may have to work at convincing them of your need for help as they may see this as an outgrowth of when you were younger and saw monsters under your bed.

If this happens then I suggest talking to the school nurse or your guidance counselor at school. They may be able to have you speak to the schools psychologist who can then talk to your parents for you.

I hope I have helped.


Um, while I was masturbating in the shower, I started with my clit, it felt so good, then for the first time, I slid my finger in my ***** but it kind of hurt. What do I do to make it not hurt when I slide it in?

I'm not entirely sure why it hurt when you put your finger in your vagina. If you are able to insert a Tampon then putting a finger in should be just as easy.

My thinking was you were standing and your muscles were tight. You were also probably a little scare or anxious about masturbating or trying this. Masturbation is normal and healthy so if this was or is your problem relax.

I don't know why parent make such a big deal over masturbation. We all do it or at least 85% of us according to a recent survey. I think the fear is if our children are allowed to masturbate they will want to go on to the next step and have actual sex. My thinking was and is just the opposite. My children were told we would rather they masturbate in the privacy of their rooms then to go out seeking sexual relief and get pregnant or get a girl pregnant.

My suggestion is the next time you want to try this. Go in your room, close and lock the door so you cannot be intruded upon and lie back on your bed. If you want you can dim the lights and put on some music. Put a bit of petroleum jelly on your finger as a lubricant, relax and try again.

Note: Make sure the nails on the finger or fingers you wish to insert into your vagina are clipped short so as not to scratch yourself.


Does my boyfriend actually care about me and love me?

I agree with Breezy88 we can't tell you what someone else is thinking. Without any information from you we cannot tell you or help you make any type of decision on this or any other question.

What I will tell you is this. If you two are young adults between the ages of 13 to 21 then there is something you need to consider in answering your question. Boys between these ages confuse love and lust. The younger they are the more they feel that lust and love are the same.

For some reason going through puberty which can last in to the early 20's, is harder for the male then the female. The male feels the need to seek relief from the sexual tension brought one by all the new hormones floating through him. Hence the term horny.

Part of this I believe is the fact that need or desire for sex is or can be on display every time he gets an erection. During puberty a boys erection is an involuntary reaction. He does not need any visual or other type of stimulation to have an erection. I forget how many an hour a boy can have but it was something like 6 to 10 every hour without any thinking on his part.

Yes he can masturbate to relieve this tension and many do, some multiple times a day. Still their preference is to have sex with a girl and they will do and say anything to get what they want. To the teenage boy lust and love have the same definition which is not the definition a girl has for love.

Some boys will say something to the effect; "If you love me you will have sex with me." If a boyfriend says this or anything like this such as; "let me show you my love by making love to you." These are lines that say he lusts for you.

Sex is not the way you show your love for someone. Sex is the result of a loving relationship that has had time to grow and mature. Yes when your older and more mature I'm sure you will have your share of recreational sex. Now is not the time for that as you are not ready and neither is your body.

In the end you have to decide if he truly loves you or if he is lusting for you. I have given you some signs to watch out for in making that decision.


In the bottom of my heart I'm a pure christian. I love my God and try my best to respect his commands and follow them, but recently I've wanted to redesign my room. I want to buy a cute little buddah statue and place it next to my candle and amethyst rock which I think would give off a nice vibe. I don't see buddah as a God whatsoever, just another good person who gives advice such as MLK, Gandhi, etc. ect. Just anyone else. I wouldn't dare worship another religion or "god" except my God.
I just like the vibe it gives honestly, I like the look of the om, the message of Buddah, star of david, and just any other stuff. But thats all I see it as, other stuff to decorate my room with. I just want to know if you think it's bad, i dont think it is really.

If you do not like my religion at least find the decency to repsect it and be respectful.

I see nothing wrong with having a statue of Buddha or any other religious relic or symbol you desire to decorate with. I believe your reasoning for doing so is sound and righteous. It also doesn't matter what other people think though you may have to explain to your parents why you have these items in your room.

Now you may have to bow to the wishes of your parents is they say they do not want these items in their home. It is there home and while it is also your room, and they could just close the door and not see these things. It is their home and they have the final say as to how you may decorate your space in their home.

What this would not stop you from doing is finding out more of the vibes and messages you like about these items. IF there were more people like you in this world who seek to learn rather than to ignore or fight those who are different. The world would be a better place.


I am very much confuse me and are intermediate 4-5 times but now he leaved me what should I have to do if I got married with someone else one frst night he will easily know that I 'm already used and no will accept me plz help me I have no chance rather than suicide.

You must be from a country where pre-marital sex for a woman is taboo. Nice double standard. Men can have all the sex they want before they marry and probably after they marry too. Though on the wedding night they want a virgin in their bed. I don't understand their thinking on this for eventual their demand is going to outstrip the supply of women and their will be no virgins left for the wedding night.

Be that as it may there is no way a man can tell if his bride is a virgin or not on the wedding not, not in these modern times. What the man is looking for is an in tact Hymen which to him signifies a virgin. Today a Hyman can be lost in a variety of ways other than by sexual penetration.

Tampon usage ranks high on the list of Hyman busters, followed by women who may be active in school sports, horseback riding or even cycling. Dancers especially Ballet will tear their Hymens long before they have sex and if they studied Ballet as children possibly long before the needed tampons.

How tight you are when he first penetrates you also means nothing. IF your not ready for penetration your going to be tighter and not well lubricated. To him this will indicate virginity. If your loose and well lubricated then he is a skillful and caring lover.

The long and short of it, no pun intended, is there is no way for hi or a doctor to tell with any certainty if you are a virgin or not.


So my boyfriend & I recently discovered we both had chlyamdia. I got it cured. But my boyfriend on the other hand, hasn't yet. He went but they sent him somewhere else, anyways we were messing around we been using condoms since we found out but I was messing around & I was teasing him & didn't think anything of it but I just licked the top of his dick (the head) & just remembered you can get chlymadia through oral. I didn't think about it, but it was literally just a lick. Not a suck or anything. One lick! Lol he didn't cum or anything. Is there a chance I have a chlymadia? Please answer asap!

Short answer to your question; based on the facts below from the CDC it is very possible to have been re-infected. Chlamydia is also known as the ping pong disease as it is easily passed back and forth if both partners are not cured.

The following is taken directly from the Center for Disease Control (CDC).

How is chlamydia spread?

You can get chlamydia by having anal, vaginal, or oral sex with someone who has chlamydia.

If your sex partner is male you can still get chlamydia even if he does not ejaculate (cum).

If you've had chlamydia and were treated in the past, you can still get infected again if you have unprotected sex with someone who has chlamydia.

Am I at risk for chlamydia?

Anyone who has sex can get chlamydia through unprotected anal, vaginal, or oral sex. However, sexually active young people are at a higher risk of getting chlamydia. This is due to behaviors and biological factors common among young people. Gay, bisexual, and other men who have sex with men are also at risk since chlamydia can be spread through oral and anal sex.

Have an honest and open talk with your healthcare provider and ask whether you should be tested for chlamydia or other STDs. If you are a sexually active woman aged 25 years or younger, you should get a test for chlamydia every year. Gay, bisexual, and men who have sex with men; as well as pregnant women should also be tested for chlamydia.

To see the full CDC Fact Sheet use the following Link: http://www.cdc.gov/std/Chlamydia/STDFact-Chlamydia.htm


i am a 21 year old male. decently sexually active. i have a odd problem that i tried searching online and cant seem to find anything on it. when i was younger maybe like 15-17 when i would masturbate or have sex when i would ejaculate it would seem like all the cum would not come out if i like squeezed and pushed up some more would come out or if i went and peed right after a couple chunks of sperm would come out. well sometimes if i didnt get it all out i would get this werid feeling in my penis like in my urethra i guess the best description of the feeling/pain would be the feeling if circulation was cut off to something like if you cut the circulation to your finger off thats what its like ( for guys out there you know how you can move your penis without touching it if you kinda pull up with your muscles like in the middle under your testicles) thats when yoi can feel the pain its werid. so like if i got those pieces of cum out i was fine if i didnt its like the circulation was off and thats when that feeling is there its like in the urethra and head of penis. well now that im older 21..i still get that but if i try peeing no pieces come out after. some times im fine sometimes it has that feeling and it like hurts. some days ill pee out old dry cum from a day ago or so. i honestly dont know what it is. that area between balls and butt is tight and hard usually. i know my prostate i swollen now and is quite often i dont know if that can cause it but i really want to know! thanks

I won't even begin to speculate what your problem is other than to say you have a problem that requires a doctor's attention. Most likely you need to see a urologist as this is the doctor that would specialize in problems in the urinary tract area.

I think it is safe to say we have all, especially in our younger days, had the problems you speak of with clearing some un-ejaculated ejaculate from the urinary tract. what you are now talking about sound more serious. Just how much more serious I don't know but if you feel your prostate is swollen then it needs to be checked out for that alone could be serious.

I would suggest you don't let the grass grow under your feet in seeing a Urinary specialist, especially if you wish to father children some day.


I'm a 14 year old girl, I haven't been diagnosed with depression but it's kinda obvious....
Before Christmas 2013 I started cutting because I was upset about my life at home, my dad was a control freak and wouldn't let me go anywhere or even be with one of my best friends just because she said something he didn't like a while ago. I got so frustrated and sad that I didn't know wheat else to do, after about 2months my parents found out.. They did try to help me by asking what I wanted to change but I know it really hurt them that they knew what I was doing to myself and that I was so upset. I stopped for about a month and then it got worse, all because I fell in love with this boy and we didn't work out the way I wanted it to.. Still today I'm always feeling sad and even if I do manage to be happy it doesn't last long! I always find myself listening to depressi music such a 'London grammar' or 'bring me the horizon' I just like that sort of stuff and I go on my iPad every night on we heart it and that really doesn't help but I like reading that stuff...
I wouldn't say I'm suicidal, I don't think I could bring myself to do it but if there were to be a car coming and I was stood in the road I'm not to sure if I would move?
I don't want to feel like this anymore, I don't want to be in love with that boy anymore as he flirts with everyone and he hurt me emotionally.
I want to be happy again, I wouldn't mind going to see someone for help but without my parents knowing! I don't want them to know that I'm still like this, they didn't help me last time and I'm too scared to ask for help this time.

Once upon a time, don't you just hate it when people start a response like that, back in the dark ages of your parents and grandparents teenage years did not see what you are going through as depression. It was seen as a phase that many young people went through and would grow out of. It was seen as a response to the hormones of puberty.

At the time they were partly correct. Today medical science knows better, teenagers do get depressed partly because of the bodies reaction to the hormones of puberty and partly to environmental factors. Now that doctors recognize this there are ways for them to help teenagers effect in this manner and they have even given this illness a name. The diagnoses is called teenage Depression, a form of clinical depression brought on by what another advisor called the happy hormones.

You really need to be properly diagnosed which is something your family doctor can do. Diagnosing is simple and painless as the doctor will ask you a number of questions by which he or she will make a diagnoses. The doctor will also want to do a complete physical to rule out any organic reason for why you feel as you do. The doctor will then either prescribe medication or refer you to another doctor.

So the first thing to do is to ask to see your family doctor. Ask the doctor to screen you for depression. When the doctor asks why tell him or her what you wrote us. You are by law old enough to make your own doctors appointments for certain types of exams and a complete physical is one of them. Since you live at home a controlling family may make this hard to do.

IF you cannot or are not allowed to see a doctor then what I suggest is you speak with a trusted teach, your principal or another adult you trust. Your teacher or principal after hearing what you have written and showing them the scars of your cutting are required to step in and help by contacting the right agencies to see to your safety.

Cutting is possibly the worst thing one can do to themselves. Cut in the wrong place or cut too deep and you can bleed out before help can arrive. So please try not to cut and talk to a teacher or your principal at school if you cannot get to see your doctor for help.


I have been talking to a friend of my brothers for a few months now. We have been hanging out for the past couple weeks. The first time we had sex was almost four weeks ago. I haven't gotten my period since, and I have been feeling a little nauseous. I told him over the weekend that I might be pregnant and he told me he's not ready for a baby and it's bad timing because we are not really dating, but he would be there for me if it's definitely his kid. My brother found out about us hanging out and he told me to be careful because he said he's really shady and he doesn't want him to hurt me. I don't know whether to believe my brother or not because he really seems like a great guy. I don't know what to do. If I am pregnant, I'm horrified that he's going to leave and my family is going to disown me. And I don't know whether or not to take my brothers warnings seriously. I just need a little advice. What should I do about both of these things?

First find out if your pregnant. Get two home pregnancy tests. Take the first one, hopefully it is negative, even if it is or if it is positive test again in two weeks. If the results are the same then believe the results.

The biggest reason for a woman to miss their period is stress any type of stress. Worry over being pregnant is certainly enough stress to cause you to miss a period. You don't say whether or not any protection such as a condom was used. If you did not use protection that only increases the stress.

Hopefully you are over the age of 14, you did not give your age. IF you are pregnant and over the age of 14 one worry you don't have is being forced to do anything you don't want to. By federal law anyone over the age of 14 has total medical confidentiality over their reproductive systems. This means your parents have no say in forcing you to have an abortion or not to have one. It will be your decision.

Now should you decide to have the baby and to keep the baby you need to see a lawyer. The father, and possibly his parents until he becomes of legal age, have certain responsibilities to your child. The lawyer will explain what these responsibilities' are and do the legal paperwork to have the court orders issued to see to it that he or his parents provide the child support and other support required by law to the child.

As to your parents disowning you. Every girl feels just as you are feeling. It is extremely rare for a parent to disown or kick their child out of the house. Remember regardless of all else it is their grandchild you are carrying if you are pregnant.

Will they be upset with you? Yes I'm sure they will. Will there be some yelling and screaming? Very likely though when the yelling and screaming is over they will focus on what is in the best interest of you and their grandchild.

The one thing I do not recommend is you and the boy getting married if that is even possible in your state based on your ages. The boy does not sound like good husband material and shotgun weddings as they were once called never last and you can be hurt physically and mentally if you do marry him at what I assume is your early ages.

Last, yes you do have to tell your parents if you are pregnant, It is not good for you or the baby if you try to hide your pregnancy. If you are going to go through with the pregnancy you need regular check ups to make sure you and the baby are healthy. Remember you and that boy made the baby the baby did not ask to be made. IF you decide to go through with the pregnancy then you need to do everything you can to deliver a healthy baby even if you do not plan to keep it.


21/f About 3 weeks ago, I noticed my left wrist kind of hurt whenever I'd try to use it to turn something. The area that hurts is the joint between my thumb and index finger. This is slightly confusing because I'm right handed. I turn a lot of things at work with both hands so I figured I'd leave it alone for a while and it would go away. Now, it's 3 weeks later and my left elbow is swollen and hurts. I don't recall sleeping on it differently or injuring it at all. But the area between the two bones on it is normal color but a little swelled. I could barely use my arm today. The entire arm also feels stiff and keeps popping when I move it. Is it possible to get arthritis at my age? Will the pain go away or should I see a doctor?

As to your question about Arthritis. Arthritis can strike at any age even in early childhood. That's the bad news, the good news is it generally does not present itself overnight so to speak, it comes on over a longer period.

As to what is bothering your wrist and elbow is not for any of us to diagnose as we are not doctors. It does sound as if something has become inflamed or strained possibly do to some type of work or leisure time repetitive activity.

The only person who can make this diagnosis for certain would be a Board Certified Orthopedic Doctor. While your family doctor can certainly treat the symptoms the Orthopedic doctor will look for the cause and effect to see what if anything can be done through physical therapy or even surgery if need be to relieve your pain.

Most Orthopedic doctors are not in single practices they work with other doctors to for a specialized practice where each doctor specialize in a different area of Orthopedics. When you call for an appointment you should ask to see their Joint Specialist for wrists and elbows. Yes they do in some practices get that specialized as there are many bones in the human skeleton.

IF your doctor feel this is a work related problem don't forget to file a workers compensation claim. IF the workers compensation Board agrees you will have no out of pocket expense for your treatment and there will be a settlement offered at the end of treatment for any long term affects of the injury.


If you can tell me few ways to die which fulfill following conditions:

1. Pain free death

2. Quick death

Also please suggest me a way that no one comes to know about my death.

I do not want to cause any pain to anyone else.

I am not seeking motivational answers, quotes from bible or Quran or looking any kind of self approval. I again request you to not give me such answers. Thanks.

Just for readers sake: i am not doing this in sadness or despair. And trust me I'm not in denial.

Not going to tell much about myself. Thanks.

Keep answers short and to the point.

I know you don't want to hear this but you have asked for help so I will answer you.

As A retired member of a fire department rescue squad I can tell you there is no quick and painless way to commit suicide. Since the body will always try to survive or at least keep the brain alive you will feel pain, a lot of pain.

As for not causing anyone one else pain? That is not possible. The simple fact that you kill yourself is going to cause pain to someone. Your mom, dad, sister and brothers for a start. What about close friends and relatives. Then is you have a significant other what about them. These people will feel pain, a great deal of pain that won't go away quickly.

In a sense you are being selfish. You want to end your pain and you are going to cause a great deal of pain for many others who love you and know you. Does that seem fair.

I understand you are in pain. That something has gone wrong in your life and you feel the weight of the world on you. Maybe you have done something you feel that is so wrong it is unforgivable and this is the only way out.

The real problem is you are depressed and too close to the problem to see the solution. That is where people like us come in. We may not have the answer but we can direct you to a professional that will have the answer or will help you correct the problem.

Do this for me; put off killing yourself for now and try to live. Work with the hotlines I am going to give you to try and fix whatever is wrong. My way may be harder than killing yourself but it is far less painful for you and those who may love you.

The first hotline is for the National Suicide prevention Hotline: You can Call 24/7 1-800-273-8255.

No matter what problems you are dealing with, they want to help you find a reason to keep living. By calling 1-800-273-TALK (8255) you'll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area, anytime 24/7.

The next hot line is more of a peer to peer hotline for young people under the age of 20. They specialize in resolving problems young people have that make them feel they need to end their lives. It's called the Kids help phone. Their number is 1-800-668-6868.

They offer: Phone counseling,Web counseling For ages 20 & under. It's free, 24/7, Anonymous & Confidential, Non-judgmental.

The last hotline is for an organization called RAINN which stands for, Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network. IF you have been abused sexual harassed in any way or raped these are the people you want to call. Their number is 1-800-656-HOPE.

Go to this URL to find out how RAINN works and can help you.


As you can see there are a lot more people willing to give of themselves who don't even know you that want to help you live. Give them a call let them help. They have been known to work miracles. There truly is a light at the end of the tunnel you are just too close to it to see it.


Hi,my wife is 40 and I am 49. Our love life is so so. If and when we do, we both fantasize. Hers is mature light skin men, big guy, hairy chest who can overwhelm her with his strength ( I am only 5'7")or her ex boss who tried to seduce her, she was in her 20s n he around 50. She also asks me if I was also fantasizing and I would also fantasize. After few years I asked her if she wants to try out her fantasy and also it would make me happy too but she says no. I told her atleast try it once and if U dont like then we dont do that again and for I know I may not like it. She says no. So, how do I convince her? Ofcourse men will be screened and safety will be priority. Any advise? I really want her to try it ONCE and then we go from there. Kindly advise please. Thank you.

I have one firm policy that I advise on when it comes to sex.

First: there is nothing weird or strange about any sexual activity between two consenting adults.

Two: The operative word here is "CONSENTING." Your wife is not consenting to having sex with another man therefore it is a nonstarter. To continue to try and convince her is actually sexual harassment. Yes a husband can be charged with sexual harassment and even rape of his wife in many states.

Fantasizing is wonderful; it is great for masturbation or for when being given oral sex, a hand job or fingering. Sometimes reality and fantasy are not the same. For the sake of discussion lets say you wife gives into you and does as you ask. She finds she likes making love with other men it is everything she fantasized about. On the other hand it is a disaster for you. You couldn't stand watching another man make love to your wife. What do you do know, you have let the cat out of the bag so to speak.

There are a lot of other fantasies you can try to spice up your love life that your wife might be willing to try. One popular fantasy is one that adds an element of danger such as being caught making love. It brings back the teenage years. You go for a hike in the woods find a small clearing of the hiking path and you do what comes naturally. Will someone come along and see you? What will they so, what will they say? This is the fantasy.

There are others but that one seems to be very popular, adds some spice to the sex life. Most importantly it is safe and it is between the two partners no third parties are involved.


my boyfriend wants to insert his penis in my ass.. but im not allowing as we are only 17! now he just wants to touch his penis on my ass.. im not ready for that also as im scared of precum.. he cannot take a condom.. so he has asked for using plastic instead of condom. is it ok to allow him to cover his penis with plastic bag and let him touch my ass?is it safe?

While I do not agree in total with the previous two advisors there is some good advice in both answers. I'm going to give you a different approach to your questions

First lets talk about condom usage. You say your boyfriend cannot take a condom. There is only one valid reason for your boyfriend not wanting to use a condom and that is most are made of Latex and he has a latex allergy. If this is the case they make condoms out of sheep's skin they are more expensive than Latex condoms though he should not be allergic to them. Sheepskin condoms are also thinner than Latex ones and will provide him with a greater amount of feeling which is another benefit.

Any other reason he may give you for not wearing a condom is just plain BS. Most men or boys do not like condoms because they degrease the sensitivity he feels. Frankly that is tough especially if you are going to have anal sex. More germs reside in the anus than any other part of the body. Remember the anus is the exit port for the bodies waste system. All of the bodies toxins exit through the anal canal and many germs reside there. These germs can be transferred from him to you through other sexual acts no matter how thoroughly he washes his penis after anal sex.


One of the other reasons you gave was precum. Lets take this question next:

The only time you have to worry about precum is with vaginal sex and not being on birth control or using a condom. While a condom should be used for anal sex if it isn't and the boy cums or has a precum discharge in the anal passage. There is no fear of pregnancy as the anal canal and the reproductive system are not connected. Just like oral sex you cannot get pregnant by swallowing the boys cum as the digestive system and the reproductive systems are separate. None of these systems interconnect.

The only way a woman can get pregnant is through vaginal sex. In some way sperm has to enter her vagina. Swim up to the fallopian tube and find an egg to fertilize. There is no other way.

Now as for not being ready. This I believe is the real reason. If you're not ready to do something sexually that's it. You say no and that is the end of the question. Any further pushing, begging or forcing of the issue becomes sexual harassment which is a crime.

In order for any type, of sex to take place, be it a blow job, a hand job or intercourse of any type both parties have to be mutually agreeable. If either party says no and the other continues or forces the other then it is rape.

As I said above to continue to pressure the other party into doing so can also be sexual harassment. If the other party consents just to get away or to get the other party to stop pressuring then it is still considered rape.

You did not say whether you are just not ready for anal sex or any type of sex. It does not matter. Until you are ready and you may never be ready for anal sex, he has to stop asking or he is sexually harassing you.

Now as for using plastic as a condom the answer is NO. It will not protect from any of the STDS a condom protects from and it will not protect you from getting pregnant if you have vaginal sex. IF you decide to have any type of sex with him including anal sex he has to use a condom. If you can't wear a latex one have him get a sheepskin one.


Can a friendship be saved in anyway if the person has made their whole life about their boyfriend/husband and dumped all their friends and some family to put ALL their energy into that person and no one else in life?

Its a long and complicated story that i dont want to type all out on here, but their now bringing a baby into the world, while living with a controlling mother who hates all her childrens friends. Its been increasingly harder to contact her as everytime i call someone ELSE picks up her cell phone and says shes "busy", doesnt live there anymore, or the phone no longer belongs to her. She is easily influenced by her mother and her overly controlling ways. it is engrained in her to give up a fight easily and submit to her mothers ways but i feel i cannot give close this issue for good until i get some answers. we didnt end the friendship with a fight or anything. best friends for over 6 years before this. so i just dont get it.

If ever a person needed a true friend it is this person. At some she is going to need to reach out to someone and when she does a true friend will be there for her regardless of her short comings or her controlling family.

To be a true friend it does not mean you have to see and speak to that person each and every day. You just need to let that person know that you will always be there when and if they ever need someone to talk to. It does not matter how many days, months or even years that go by when she needs you; you will be there. That is what you need to communicate to her.

Given all the electronic social media we have today there are ways to stay in touch that her mother will not be able to control like a phone call. Suggest to your friend that she and you stay in touch over Facebook or something like that. IT doesn't have to be everyday and I'm sure you know how facebook works. She makes a general posting about her day and you respond with a general posting about your day.

As long as her mother does not have access to her postings or you restrict your postings to each other. Her mother should not see them.

Most importantly though is you remaining her friend regardless of circumstances today. For one day she will need a real friend.


15f, So i cycle about 10 miles every day, and recently i have noticed my thigh muscle is a bit bigger and is sort of rectangular in shape (sort of). I really hate the way this looks and was wondering if there was any way to slim down this muscle?

I do not have a real answer to your question, though I can tell you what is happening.

By cycling 10 miles every day you are trading fat for muscle, this is why your thigh is changing shape. You may also notice a slight increase in your weight especially if you have increased you calorie intake to compensate for you're exercise. The reason for this is muscle weighs more than fat does.

Before you started cycling your thigh was as much fat as it was muscle. When you started to cycle you started to exchange fat for muscle and tone the muscle for that exercise.

I would suggest that since I believe school is still in session that you talk with one of the physical education instructors about a way to tone and shape the muscle so it does not appear as heavy or shapes as you say it appears.


hi i had my period ova 3 days ago when me an my husband wantd to have sex just when he pushed in his penis i started to bleed agian we stop having sex right on the spot i wanted to know are we at risk of geting hiv/aids please i need to know its not the 1st time it happend it happend twice befor but we never continue having sex on wen i saw the blood on my fingerz plz i need to know

No from what you explained there is no reason for you to worry about getting HIV/AIDS. In order to get HIV/AIDS one of you must have had sexual contact with someone who has the virus. As long as neither of you carry the virus then there is no risk of either of you contracting the virus from the other.

Now as to why you start bleeding again three days after your periods stops; that is a question you should consult your gynecologist about. I'm not a doctor so I can't say whether this is an indication of something being wrong. What I will say is it is not normal, at least in my view and I suggest you see your doctor.

While you are there have the doctor explain to you about AIDS and the HIV virus for your belief that your bleeding could give it to you or your husband is very wrong. There is nothing wrong with having sexual intercourse while a woman is having her period as long as neither party objects. Mostly it will be the women who will object as she is the one who may be uncomfortable during this time and not feeling very sexy.

The following link will give you more information on how HIV/AIDS is contracted.



You answered a question of mine about doctors seeing if I'm a virgin. You mentioned Hippa. Could you send a link that shows where it says the doctor does not have to tell my parents? I would really appreciate that and thank you for answering my other question.

You would have to go to the full text of the law to find what you are asking for. The URL's below will link you to sites that while, in somewhat legalese, explain about the privacy act of HIPPA and how it works for young people.

You do not have to say a word to mom about this prior to going to the doctor. Let the doctor explain to mom. In fact if you have not had a female exam since getting your period let the doctor examine you. Just state before the doctor or the nurse prepares you for the exam or to the receptionist that you invoke your rights under HIPPA Privacy.

Let the doctor take it from there. Your main concern is whether the doctor could tell if you have done anal or are no longer a virgin? The answer is no, unless something in either your anal or vaginal canal is torn. Then the doctor would suspect something has been up the canal that is not suppose to be their. The doctor cannot tell if that something was a boys penis or a vibrator or dildo. You are considered a virgin until a penis has entered your vaginal. Anal sex has nothing to do with virginity.

As I said yesterday a missing Hymen does not mean you have had sexual relations. Girls today lose their Hymens through exercise, bike riding, jumping and other activities sometimes long before they even consider having sex. Even Tampon usage can tear or break off a Hymen so that is not a concern and is something a doctor would explain if he or she were to report to a mom that a girls Hymen were missing.

I still don't know how old you are and I hope you are a lot older than 14 if you are in anyway sexually active. From my perspective, and I am very liberal in my views when it comes to sex and teenagers. If mom suspects you are sexually active and is forcing you to undergo a female exam this is invasive and a violation of your privacy. Mom is very, very wrong here. What she should be doing is making sure you have the proper protections from STDS and pregnancy. I suspect mom was a very sexually active teenager and trying to make sure you're not as she was.

I know some doctors who will not perform this exam unless there is medical reason or if there is a suspected rape. Simply telling the doctor you don't want this exam, there is nothing wrong, you are having regular menses. This exam is nothing more than your mom wanting the doctor to verify what can't be verified and that is whether you are still a virgin. The doctor should refuse to do the exam.

At this point if you are seeing a good doctor the doctor will tell mom she is wasting her money and charge her the minimum charge for an office visit and go on to the next patient. You do not have to confront you mom let the doctor do the confrontational thing with her. Remember as part of the doctors oath they have sworn to do no harm. Doing an unnecessary procedure is doing harm.





If a doctor checks if a girl is a virgin can he tell if she has had anal sex or will he only see vaginal sex?

A few things you need to know that your question brings to light for me.

1) No the doctor cannot tell if you are sexually active either with vaginal sex or anal sex unless the doctor sees some semen. That would be a giveaway sign. The doctor can only tell if you Hymen is in tact and there are many ways for today's active female to dislodge her Hyman. So a missing Hyman is not proof of loss of virginity.

2) More importantly this questions sounds like mom is taking you to the doctor to see if you are sexually active. If you are 14 or older, even though the doctor cannot tell by examination, you can refuse to have this type of exam or have the results of any medical exam or treatment of your reproductive system shared with your parents.

A federal law called HIPPA gives anyone over the age of 14 medical confidentiality over their reproductive system. Even though in the eyes of the law you are a minor and mom can force you to go to the doctor. This type of exam cannot be forced on you or can she or anyone else know the results of any exam or treatment of your reproductive system with out your consent.

Your mother can no longer be in the exam room with you at any time during any exam where a doctor may have reason to give you a female exam.
The examination of your reproductive system and the medical records of any examination are totally confidential. Only you can say who may see these records and that has to be in writing to your doctor(s).

Doctors are well aware of this law so all you need to say to the doctor is you are invoking your rights under HIPPA. The doctor or nurse will explain to your mother what that means. You cannot be forced and no doctor will allow you to be forced to give up this right.

Congress put this into the HIPPA law so young people would seek medical help when and if they needed or if they had questions they were too embarrassed to as a parent. By having total medical confidentiality you can speak freely and truthfully with your doctor so the doctor can properly treat you.

3) An unintended consequence of this law is that you can also ask the doctor for birth control medication and it will be prescribed for you. If you are sexually active I suggest you ask for birth control medication.

4) This law allows anyone 14 or older to seek medical help by making appoints and seeing a doctor with or without parental knowledge or permission. You may see any doctor you chose which may be your present doctors or you may go to any of the free clinics for women's reproductive health.


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