The object of my column will be to help you help yourself by pointing you in the right direction if I can or by supplying you with WEB resources you can use that will help you find the answers your looking for.


I havnent been able to sleep very well for the past week, and when I do it's maybe 5 hours a night with me waking up every 45 minutes in that time span. What should I do to get some sleep?

I'm not a doctor so I cannot give you a medical diagnoses for why you're having trouble sleeping. For a medical diagnoses you need to see your doctor for an examination.

In general terms trouble sleeping is usually caused by some type of stress or trauma. You haven't given your age so I have no idea what kind of stress you might be under or trauma you may have witnessed. Trauma that is witnessed is a mental trauma and the stress it causes is generally called anxiety.

Then their are the normal stresses of life such as work, school and family that at times seem to pile upon you . At night when you are trying to sleep these stress won't allow you to relax enough to get and stay asleep.

Left untreated this type of stress can cause something called clinical depression. In teenagers it is called teenage depression. No matter what descriptive term is used you really don't want to allow the stress to take you this far.

My advice is to see a doctor. If it is stress that is keeping you up it is just as serious as any other illness. If is not stress but some other problem your doctor should be able to find the problem upon examination or at the very least treat the symptoms.


I'm not justifying any crimes, but it seems that when there's a video of a women beating a man for no reason, everyone cheers her on and the man doesn't really get any justice, but when a men does it more men come over and beat the shit out of him, people call him every name in the book, then the cops come over and beat the shit out of him, then his innmates in jail probably beat the shit out of him for it, the women gets all these benifits, and goes to a nice home and a support group and everything. My mom actually told me if I get lost to find a women, preferably a (rich) mother, to help me. Don't try to ask help from a man. Then again, when I got lost at the beach other then the men who came with me only women helped out, but it seems when a women breaks the law, no one really cares. When a man does it, no one heres the end of it.

While I agree with the answer given by rainhorse68 I can be a little more direct than explaining evolution.

In much of today's society and for years before it is the women who has the responsibility of child raising. I am now old enough to be most of the questioners who write us grandfather. Till today I can hear my mother’s words, "boys do not hit girls." My question to her was always, "but mom what if a girl hits me?" Her answer, "Boys do not hit girls, boys protect girls." "Gentlemen open doors for girls and hold their chairs for them when sitting." "Gentlemen help girls on with their coats and walk on the outside of them.

Judging from what I see when my wife and are out to dinner, especially during prom season, moms are still instilling these same values in their boys. From my point of view there is nothing wrong with these values. I do have a concern with them in certain career fields such as first responders though I have seen firsthand that these values are put aside at work (the protective values beyond the instilled values of the job).

These values though I believe have made harder on women to take their rightful place in the work force. They have to work harder, be harder than a man doing the same work; this is wrong. Though as long as mothers instill the proper social values, which are as I see it needed values in their male children, it will be hard to separate the polite social values from work ethics and values; which also includes just about everything you have written about.


Every year, I try to get my parents to let me go to a kid's college. They say I can if I want to, but I still can't babysit anyone. I even try to reason with them. I say that I should at least get to try so I can understand what it's like to do it on my own. I can help the people in my community, but I do realize that I have responsibilities. I should keep a watchful eye over the child and the house. What do I do?

Your parents must have their reasons for not wanting you to baby sit for anyone. Without knowing their reasons I cannot say whether or not they are good reasons or bad ones.

Now you do say; "Every year, I try to get my parents to let me go to a kid's college." Should I assume this is where they give baby siting classes? IF so this is very good on your part as many states now require some type of class like this to be a registered baby sister.

This brings up one very important question; how old are you. Unless you are babysitting for your own siblings each state have different minimum ages that a baby sister must be. Where I live it is 13 in one of the adjoining states it is 14.

Depending on the laws in your state you may be too young to baby sit. What you need to is in a calm manner ask mom or dad why they will not allow you to baby sit. I think you deserve a better answer than; "Because I said so," even if the answer is they think you are not mature enough. At least you have a reason you can discuss with them. Though until you are 18 and of legal adult age you have little choice but to do what your parents say. If they are not comfortable with you babysitting then that is the rule you can't baby sit.

Any of us can give you a number of arguments to present to them once you find out why they will not allow you to baby sit. The one argument none of us have is to "Because we said so." "I'm a parent and a grandparent and the only reason we give that reason is we don't have a better one for saying no to something we do not want you doing. So talk to them calmly to see if your parents will give you a reason you can try and correct in their eyes.


is mansturbation one of the big reasons for hairfall..??.since i have read it somewhere so just want to confirm that..!!

What you read or heard is called an "Old Wives Tale." It is what mothers primarily and some fathers tell their children to try to keep them from masturbating; which is hypocritical of then for they themselves are most likely part of the 85% of the population that masturbates. Masturbation in the form of mutual masturbation is a form of foreplay people do when they are making love. As horrid as this may be to you; you parents probably still have a sex life and they do enjoy or should enjoy a fair amount of foreplay prior to intercourse.

So all the Old Wives tales about your hair falling out or you'll go blind or that you will grow hair in the palm of your hand is untrue. Why do parents tell their children this; mainly because masturbation feels good? In fact it feels good and is considered a substitute for the real thing. Parents worry that if you masturbate you will chase after the real thing. If you do and are successful then there is a high probability that some girl will get pregnant. This is what worries parents.

Masturbation itself is actually very healthy. It relieves the sexual tension all teenagers get and adults too. Rather than chase after some young girl and run the chance of her getting pregnant or going to a street walker and catching a disease masturbation is much safer and very pleasuring; just as long as it is not an all-encompassing activity to the exclusion of everything else.

When you need to masturbate go in your room, close and lock your door, if you can, so as not to be intruded on. Get undressed and get into bed. Now you can turn down the lights and fantasize about sex and allow your hands to roam your body and learn about where and how you like to be touched. This is the preferred way or with a magazine or in front of your computer. If you cannot get total privacy in your room then the second most preferred way is to stroke of in the bath or shower.


My entire life everything was the media's fault. TV is “dumbing down" our children, horror/slasher movies and video games cause violent behaviors, slutty celebrities influence children. This isn't true. That's your own fault for not making them get off it, and I watch TV, but my grades are perfectly fine. Also, what annoys me is They got rid of cookie monster, because parents blame child obesity on it. Here's a fucking idea, stop buying your kids so much crap, and they won't be fat. I play violent killing games and despite what my mom thinks will happen, I don't go and trash offices, torture people, and stick knifes through peoples back. I listen to Miley Cyrus, but I don't take sex videos, or ride naked on wrecking balls. Songs don't influence me to “bight that" or “patron shots can I get a refil" so why to people do this?

I don't know how old you are but you have earned a gold star for what you have written. The problem is not the media per say it is parents not parenting. Parent and teachers are not teaching children today to be independent thinkers to judge things for what they are. Instead, like your cookie monster observation they tend to hide things from their children instead of teaching them about what they are seeing or hearing and why it may be good or bad.

Also in the last several decades the television has become the family baby sitter. Parents park the children in front of the TV for way too many hours not monitoring what they watch. I'm not saying there are show they shouldn't watch but they should be of a proper age to watch them so they can understand them. Parents need to impress upon them is entertainment and not real and what is reality. This is where the problem is and this why people are blaming the media.

You are correct it is the parent's not the media who are at fault. Parent must become more active in teaching their children and not leaving it up to the media or the school systems to teach social skills and reality from entertainment.

Stay focused and you will do well in life.


Everytime me and my boyfriend be making out , he fingers me & it hurts .. He did it twice and each time hurts . I don't know if maybe I'm tensing up or something . But it really hurts . And I don't know why .

IF you are a virgin and are not able to use Tampons because you cannot insert them without it being painful. Then when your boyfriend tries to but his finger in you the pain you feel is the same.

Why is this happening. Why is this happening is hard to say. You may be too young to have anything inserted in your vagina, which would include having sex as having a penis inserted would be very painful. The reason being is as girls go through puberty their outer body changes faster than their sexual organs do. Yes you look like a woman and you may be getting your period. What has not happened or may not have happened yet is the hormones puberty release necessary to unlock your vaginal muscles which allows your vagina to stretch has not happened yet

Remember what comes out of your vagina. The pain of childbirth is not solely caused by your vagina stretching to accommodate the baby exiting as it is doing what it is designed to do. To allow something to enter or exit more painlessly the mussels need to release and this is done when the receive the proper hormones to do so.

Another reason may be that your Hymen is still intact and his fingers are pushing against it causing you pain.


My some friends suggest me to use live chat on website, is that a good idea or not.

It would all depend on how good your spelling and grammar are. Remember in an online chat the customer can see what your typing, usually. If so you can be judged by your spelling and grammar are before you have the chance to use and spelling or grammar checkers.

Customer service is all about perception. It is how the customer perceives you. The written word has no inflection to it. It is up to the customer to put the inflection into what you write. This is why grammar is so important. Poor grammar or the wrong wording can give the customer the wrong perception of you or your company regardless of how good you may be.

Before you put an online chat on your website. Make sure whoever is going to be working the online chat has the proper marketing and writing skills to do so.


My fiancée is amazing or so i thought i fought him texting girls saying he wanted to fuck them and be with them but at the same time he said to them i love my woman tho ill never leave her what should i do we been together for three years hes talked to everyone with a vagina lol im sad lonely and wanna die i know he wont cheat but i cant get over the hurt he wont even admit to talking to anyone idk what to do i love him

You have not supplied enough information to give you any real good advice.

Before my wife and I married she told me I could look at the menu all I wanted but if I ever re-ordered or sampled from the menu she would cut a very important appendage of mine off. That was 43 years ago 2 weeks ago come next Saturday. Talking and looking are the same thing or have been the same thing in our marriage as my job had me talking with many beautiful women on a daily basis. I came home each night, slept in my wife's bed and told her about all the women I spoke to each day.

He spoken to them, he has not touched them and I assume if he sleeps with anyone it is you he sleeps with. The only thing missing here is you two have not spoken about this and you should. You need to find out why he is talking to these women.

I'm not going to say him doing so is right or wrong at this time as you don't know why he is doing so. One reason may be plain old groom jitters. We all get them just like brides do. Before you do anything rash you need to talk to him and find out why.

There is also a lesson here one that tells you why my marriage has lasted as long as it has. My wife and I have good communication between us. Yes, we have had our disagreements but we discuss them and eventually come to an understanding. In any relationship be it a love relationship or work relationship if you want it to be a lasting relationship you must have good communication between you in every facet of your relationship.

In a marriage this would include; finances, children, inter-personal relationships with each others family and sex. All of these items play a very important role in a marriage and communicating between you in these areas makes for a good marriage. If you cannot talk to him about this and find out why then how are you going to be able to work out any other problems that may come up during your lifetime together. Problems do come up especially when the children come along so learn to talk to one another.

As I said I cannot say he is wrong or right as you have not supplied the WHY of it. Talk; do not confront as all that does is put him on the defensive. Find out the why. It may be he is just having some fun.


For almost 2 weeks, I have been taking Zoloft. I haven't felt better whatsoever. I thought it would be working by now, but it's not and I'm not sure when it will.
I have been experiencing countless moments of feeling like I am in a dream. I don't feel like I'm in my body. I do think I have depersonalization. I have been experiencing this for a couple years, but I feel like it has gotten worse. I overthink way too much, and I think it's caused by my anxiety. Whenever I think of the thought of not being in my own body, I get that feeling for long periods of time. I can't get my mind off it and I don't know what to do. I'm almost certain that Zoloft will help this go away, but the meds haven't worked yet.

Give the medication one moe week. If you don't start to feel better call your doctor In the mean time try to relax and give the medication a chance to work.


Would it be okay for me ti tslk to him on fb send him and texts and talk to him on the phone as long as I don't see him in person until I talk to her.

Yes I think that would be fine


when is the right time to lose my virginity, im 14 and I know that im young to think about this, but I realy ned an answer. Thanks :) and im male and dont think that im just a horny kid please!

No I do not think you are just a horny teenager. The question you asked is actually a very good question. Unfortunately there is no one perfect answer as each of us are different and have different values.

There are as many reasons to have sex as there is not to have sex. I am not going to be a hypocrite and tell you that you must wait until you are married to have sex. Most adults, about 90% go to their wedding bed non-virgins. What differs is just when they had their first sexual experience.

Some boys will tell you that you are not a man until you have sex. This is not true, sex does not make you a man. When you become a man differs from culture to culture; religion to religion. In old Indian culture you became a man when you killed your first Buffalo. This could happen long before you could get an erection.

The best answer is you will know when the time is right and it will be with the right girl. It should not be just because your friends say they did the dirty deed; for most of them will be lying.

I will tell you this though. The older you are, the longer you wait the more satisfying it will be. The younger you are the more you will do so just to get it done and it will not be as good as when you masturbate.

This probably not the answer you are looking for but it is the truth. There is no one day on the calendar that any one can point to and say this is the day you will lose your virginity. It should just happen without any beginning or coercion of the girl on your part. When it does happen make sure you have a condom ready so as not to get the girl pregnant.


I didn't know what to expect so I looked at the clinic's website. It listed a bunch of tests and screening they were going to do to you. Like, a pap smear, mammogram, cancer screenings, weight management, dermatology, etc… I have insurance under my mom. I get one free physical every year until I’m 26. So I went. I was told that if it was a regular checkup it's free but if I asked her about anything else I would be charged. They only took my blood, height, weight, and that was it. The doctor came into my room with a male intern. I told her I was uncomfortable with male doctors examining certain areas of my body. I don’t think she got the hint. She started asking me about a previous diagnosis I had and I explained the basics to her. I told her I already saw a primary doctor for it and was prescribed medication. I already had an appointment to see a specialist next month. They are all in the same building and correspond with each other. She suddenly prescribes me the same medication I already have but in higher dosage. I told her no multiple times but she stated that I needed it. I was so upset that she disregarded my words and forcing me to pay the copay when this visit was supposed to be free. I asked her about the pap smear, mammogram and she suggest I wait until I’m 30 to do them or else they would come back abnormal. I’m 23. Was that how a physical exam should be like? I feel like I was given poor or half services. Besides the blood drawn, nothing else was done. They didn’t take a urine sample or any. Should I have gone to another place?

These days it is hard to say what the norm is as it is based on what the insurance company is willing to pay for. Who sent you to this clinic for a physical? The reason I ask is most primary care physicians I've been to will do the basic annual physical in their office only sending you to a specialty clinic for those things they are not set up to do such as a mammogram or certain types of EKG's.

The intern should have left the room when you said you were not comfortable with him in there. Yes, they may have been a teaching clinic and my primary care doctor is also a teaching doctor. When she has a med student or intern I am always ask first if they can observe or practice on me. I would suggest you write and complain to the clinics director. You can also complain about the doctor and how she forced you into a situation where you feel you were forced to pay a copay. While you're writing you can also write the state's Insurance Commissioner and file a complaint. Doing so will do two things. It may just get you your copay back and it will force the insurance commissioner to examine the practices of this clinic.

I can't say what is the standard of care each provider provides. My doctor and my insurance provides for annual and preoperative physicals. Both are about the same type of physical. They generally include a blood draw, an EKG, taking and recording of all vitals such as blood pressure, Pulse and temperature. Then the doctor will do a general examination. All of this is done for my standard copay and in the office of my primary care doctor. Only blood draws that need to be taken after fasting are done at a clinic as they are done before her office is open.

I would you call and talk to your insurance company and find out if your primary care physician can do your future physicals and if this one can be redone by him or her. Then call your doctor and see if he or she is willing to accept what your insurance company pays for this physical and is willing to provide it for you.


hey, am just a girl and am confused, i hate my family for some reasons, which is in my family they are so protective, am from a big family like i live with my dad, my mom passed away 6 years ago but really i can say i live in two house one where my dad is there, and the next one is where my grandma, aunt live. and i have a sister which is in college who everybody loves, don't get me wrong i love her too ,but the problem is when she come everyone acts like i don't exist anymore especially my aunt she always makes me feel bad about my self when she comes she forgets me. am uncomfertable around her, she ignores me even when i say hi like am the adapted child or something,i hate her for that, oh... she see her like a dimond, care for her but when it comes to me she is just like do that, and do this she doesn't even care if am sick, am so tired of this, its so stupid am a highschool senior and i don't think that i deserve this and the other thing is i don' t have confidence with my self with my looks evenso everybody says am beautiful beacuse everybody sees me as little for the reason that i am thin, and have a baby face, i don't have great hair or my hand is rough everything about me i hate. and she have everything that i don't have and my aunt always tell her she is beautiful but she never tell me that i am, so thats not hard to guess how i feel anyway i don't know how to feel anymore so please help!!!

You have presented me with the one question for which we have no answers. To answer this question we need to know more about you and your family then this medium allows.

What I can see from your question is you have self-esteem problems. The problems with your sister could be a case of sibling rivalry, this I cannot say for I do not know either of you. The other things you write about are a perception you have. Though just because you perceive then this way does not make them any less real. If we perceive it then it is real at least to the person perceiving it.

The last line of your question gives me the clue I need as to how to help you the best way I know how,"i don't know how to feel anymore so please help.

The type of help you need is not the type of help we can supply but I do know who you can call and talk to who can supply this type of help. I would like you to call 1-800-668-6868. This is the kids help line were trained counselors re available to talk to you. The call is free, it is anonymous & Confidential and available 24/7. Talking to them one on one for as long as needed is a better way to work through the problems you have presented her.

Please give them a call I know they can be of help to you.


what does it mean to be a teenager .Teenagers start to hve rlationships

What does it mean to be a teenager? This is really a great question one that could have a variety of different answers.

There are a number of different stages in life and our teenage years are just one of them. In every stage of life we grow and learn. In our teenage years is when we learn to spread our wings, leave the confines of the nest, learn to live and act as we should in the next phase of life called adulthood. This should be the stage of life that in later years we look back on and say these were the best years of my life.

The teenage years are when puberty kicks in. We learn about our sexuality. We learn about the sexuality of the opposite sex and how to interact with them, we become more social. The opposite sex is no longer icky. Some of the learning is done on our own and some is channeled to us in school through social activities produced and monitored by the school.

This is when we have our first date our first kiss and foremost our first sexual contact with the opposite sex. This is when we learn what society expects of us as adults and we learn our work ethics. It is really a short period of time, five years for as of our 18th birthday, ready or not we are declared adults by law.

Relationships don't come just because chronologically you became a teenager. This two is something that must be learned. Not all relationships need be sexual one either as sex is a learned art as well. Relationships are learned and they are learned at ones own pace. Some teenagers are shy and enter into relationship later and more cautious. Other teenagers are more outgoing and headstrong and run head strong into relationships. either way is not right or wrong it is what is right for the individual.

I hope this answers your question


My dad died when I was 12 and awhile back I wrote on here about how my cousins husband told me I could call him dad and now my cousin and him are seperated I feel bad for my cousin I really do I don't want to sound selfish but I miss thos father daughter talks we use to have and I don't 'rwant to talk to my cousin about how I feel because I know sh e is hurting right now before he left he said just because they are together anymore dosnt mean I am not his daughter anymore but how is that possible when I can't talk to him or see him anymore. What should I do? He left when I wasn't there. I didn't even get to say goodbye.

I seem to remember your original letter I do not remember if I answered you.

When two people separate they hurt more than just themselves. If there are children involved they hurt their children and then of course there are members of their extended families that are hurt who have formed attachments to them. This is where you come in to this picture.

Right now you must feel some allegiance to your cousin as she is family yet you miss the father daughter relationship you have had with her husband. I think this is a natural situation for you given how close you were to him and your cousin. What he meant in what he said to you when he left you cousin is what a father would say to his children when moving out of the family home. They say something to the effect that just because mom and I don't live together anymore doesn't mean I am not still your father. He is and always will be.

I believe this is what he was trying to say to you. That you can still come to him just as you did before he and your cousin separated, that you did not get a chance to say good bye. You say you were not there when they separated so I am wondering how this got to you? Did your cousin tell you this?

If your cousin told you that he said this then it would be okay for you to talk to her now and ask her how she would feel if you stayed in touch with him. You should tell why you need to stay in touch with him then ask her if it is okay with her if you do. If she is not the one that told you this then give your cousin some time to heal and then talk to her.

In the mean time you could send him emails but not see him in person until you have spoken to your cousin and get her blessing.


I've been talking to this guy for about two months. We met in college but we started texting on move out day and haven't stopped. He lives in Jersey, I love in Pennsylvania. We've driven to each other three times and we have hooked up multiple times going far but not all the way. It's my turn to go next in two weeks and he wants to have sex, it'd two weeks past his birthday and two week until mine so he thinks we should. I told him I'm nervous that we'd do it and it'd be awkward and I'm nervous (since I have real feelings for him and he claims he does with me) that if we do it, he'd leave. He said "I mean, if we do it, I'd just want to do it again and it'll bring us closer."
Three weeks ago, I went away to my cabin with no cell service for a weekend, I came back and he decided that he didn't want a girlfriend anymore, he tells me he still loves me and maybe we'll date in the future but not right now. However, lately he hasn't been saying he loves me. So, I joked about it and he said "why do I always have to be the first to say it? ;)" So I started saying it first and he now replies with "love ya" which i feel is so informal and doesn't have meaning.
We FaceTime every night and the other night, he said our FaceTimes should get more sexual, he wants me to finger myself on FaceTime for him and he won't stop asking, he promises he won't screenshot but lately I've been thinking all he wants is sex from me because he doesn't want a girlfriend.
I feel like telling him I'd do that for him if we date and I'd have sex with him if we date. It isn't that I don't trust him to do either of those things, I just feel like if he's asking me to do these things, the least he can do is ask me out and he isn't.

We are both 19.

So, do you think he really has feelings? Does he just want sex? Is he just being selfish? Should I end things?


I believe this guy is being very juvenile too much so for his age. Yes he wants sex from you that's what every teenager wants. But his desire seems to be that of a younger teenage male. As you said in your writing; "that if we do it, he'd leave. He said "I mean, if we do it, I'd just want to do it again and it'll bring us closer." His answer "It will bring us closer is a popular line of young males second to "If you love me you'll have sex with me."

Guys or boys that resort to using these lines do not have the same definition of love that women or girls do. Their definition of love is closer to that of lust. In fact you could say it is synonymous with love in their minds.

My advice is that this guy/boy is not in love with you, he lusts for you. Whether or not you have sex with him the results will be the same he will eventually leave you either because he got what he wants or he didn't. Only you can decide if you should leave him but if I were you I would think I could find someone better for myself. Someone who would respect me for who I am and not for what I can give him because of my sex.


My sister and her boyfriend lost their 3th apartment b/c of poor money management skills. She has the money to pay the bills but doesn't. She and her boyfriend are big spenders. She likes to buy random things while he uses her money for video games and huge flat screen TVs. My sister works full time while her boyfriend is a stay at home dad. My sister has two kids. One from a previous relationship and the youngest one is his.
Her boyfriend's family took them in at first but they got kicked out. From his dad's house and from his older sister's house. My sister said it's b/c they were charging her rent and for babysitting and constantly yelling at her boyfriend to get a job. She said he can't get a job b/c his driver license is suspended and no one can watch the kids.
One day, I went to a dentist and came back home with my mom, suddenly they are at our house with their stuff. She said they are going to stay with us for free for a few months to save money and find their own place.
Since they have moved in without notice, I notice a few things:
The boyfriend doesn't watch the kids, although she claims he does. They make my older niece, 8, take care of her sister, 2. When the 2 year old cries they ignore it. If she doesn't stop they make the 8 year old hold her. The 8 yr. old admits to me that she dislikes her sister and wants to get away from her.
After my sister goes to work, he keeps finding excuse to leave the house to go somewhere in her car, she leaves him her car and carpools to work with my mom, and don't come back for hours. We live a few blocks from a police station and he's driving without a license. He's going to get arrested again. I have been babysitting the kids since they got there. When he comes back he plays video games all day. He doesn't even stop to feed the kids lunch or dinner. I make it for them.
We have a hallway bathroom but he uses the one in my bedroom. It's making my mom feel uncomfortable. He's walking in and out of my bedroom without asking or like it even matters. She watches the news a lot and is paranoid that he's going to hurt me or worse. She wants me to lock my door at all the times now.
I am starting college part time next month and going to work full time. I'm worried about what's going to happen to the kids when I'm not there. Like who is going to feed them and watch them? I told my sister about her boyfriend being irresponsible and my concern over the kids but she always makes excuse for him and brushes it off. I know it's their business and I don't want to get involve. I'm only worried about the kids.

GiddyGeezer is correct; child protective services (CPS) is going to have to be called. You do not have to wait for you mother to call, you can call and you should. First and foremost are the proper care of those children. Like all children they did not ask to be brought into this world. Your sister and her boyfriend(s) brought them into this world. They are responsible for them and they should be their first priority. Not out buying random things and video games or having others be responsible for them. Is your sister getting child support for the first child for its father? If not make sure to tell CPS as the father is required in almost every state to pay child support.

As for her boyfriend driving. His license was suspended for good reason I'm sure, he should not be on the road. If he were to be in an accident and it is found that your sister voluntarily left her car for him to use; she would be wholly responsible for all cost involved as the insurance company would not pay. I suggest you advise the local police station and let them arrest him for driving without a license. Let it be a lesson to him and a wake up call to his responsibilities to himself and others.

As to your sisters money management skills. Some people just cannot manage money. Money literally burns a hole in their pocket. You could offer to manage her finances for her. She would need to have her paycheck directly deposited into a checking account you and only you control or bring her check to you un-cashed each payday. You would give her a weekly cash allowance. She could not have any credit cards or even the Debit Card that comes with the checking account.

You would pay all her bills and her rent. Part of her allowance would be for groceries. You could speak with the children's doctors where if she needs to have them see the doctor you could arrange for the doctor to directly debit the account for any co-pay.

Once you explain the reason I believe the doctors office or billing office would make this arrangement with you. You could do the same with her doctors. This would not be new to some doctors as there are patients whose finances are handled by conservators. For the pharmacy copay they would probably have to call you to get the Debit card number unless you were willing to allow them to keep it on file.

This looks like a huge burden on you. It is and it isn't. Once you know what her bills are the monthly revolving bills can be paid on line from the bank's online bill payment system. You set up each payee with how much and when you want the bill paid and the bank either sends a check or makes a wire transfer. For the other bills you can still use the bank to make payment but you will have to set them up individually and enter the amounts each time you have a bill from one of them. This is how I pay most of my bills.

I have my checking account linked to my savings account just incase I make a mistake and do not put enough funds in the checking account to cover outgoing payments or my use of the debit card. In this way I never overdraw the account.

Since starting this decades ago I rarely write a check and the post office is not getting rich over the half dozen items I mail a year.

This is the type of help you offer your sister. You do not offer free rent as this is an enabling benefit she does not need. I would also suggest that she take parenting classes, something I believe CPS is going to insist upon.

As the saying goes advice is easy to give. Getting someone to follow advice is something like getting a horse to the water, you may not be able to get it to drink. Still you must try and in this case if only for the benefit of the children.


I'm planning on moving out of my parents' house soon (hopefully in August), but I have a problem. I currently don't have a car that runs. I bought a Ford Mustang, but it's got a problem with it's wheel bearing and I don't even know when it'll be fixed. The part it needs is on back order and its already been a while. There aren't any taxis in my town and if worse comes to worse, I could ride a bike until my car gets fixed, but is there anything else I can do? Please don't try to talk me into staying with my patents until my car is fixed. I absolutely can't do that for so many reasons. Not the least of which is just that I'm too old to live with them, I need to get my life on track and get started on my plans for my life, I need my freedom and independence, and I need to get away from my unpleasant, controlling, verbally abusive father. There are many, many other reasons, but these are the big ones.

The only thing I can think of is to ask whoever is fixing your car to try the junk yards to see if a usable bearing can be found that they can clean and regrease to use on your car until the new one comes in. It isn't the greatest fix but I think it will work until the new part arrives.

Generally cars that are junked have many usable parts. Bearings may not be considered usable parts because it is hard to see inside them to see if they are damaged or worn out. I believe a good exterior inspection should tell them enough to know whether it would be safe to install to use for local around town low speed driving.

You have nothing to lose by asking. You may be asked to pay twice for the same repair. At the very least you will have transportation to and from work.


I'm quite embarrassed to say that I am a 33 year old female virgin and have never masturbated. I don't think there is something wrong with me, it's just an opportunity to have sex never happened. But now I am constantly thinking of sex, getting sexual urges sometimes for days on end etc. I am even thinking of getting a vibrator just to please the urges. I am quite scared to do it, since it will be my first experience but I am also quite excited at what I might feel. Is there something wrong with me or my sexual urges? Will it calm the urges a bit if I masturbate? I am quite shy about this subject as sex and masturbate is not a common subject in my family / friends circle. I am quite a sorry Suzi / sad case and feel like I am doing something so out of character by ordering a vibrator. Any advice? Should I masturbate?

The best way to enjoy masturbation is to find someplace quiet, secure from intrusion and comfortable. Other than that many people enjoy masturbating in the shower in the morning letting the water cover any noise they may make.

Hope this helps.

Masturbation is a very personal subject. Should you masturbate is something you should decide. What I will tell you is that according to a recent study about 85% of us do masturbate. This study include single men and women as well as couples. Masturbation includes the singular type you are asking about as well as the type done by couples, mutual masturbation, as foreplay or young adults as an alternative to sexual intercourse. It includes Girls giving guys hand jobs, guys fingering girls. Oral sex also can be considered a form of mutual masturbation since it is not intercourse.

Masturbation is a safe and generally pleasant way to relieve sexual tension. Safe because the women can not get pregnant. Pleasant because you can relax in private and allow yourself to pleasure yourself in a manner no one else can as you know your likes and dislikes as far as where to touch yourself for the greatest of pleasure.

A vibrator should increase your pleasure during masturbation. Being a virgin the first time you penetrate yourself it will probably hurt as it will be no different than giving your virginity to some guy, depending on the size of the vibrator and if it is meant for vaginal penetration. The more times you penetrate yourself the less it will hurt.


My bf of 9 months just dumped me. We were Absolutly head over heels in love. He comes from a super strong Christian background but when he was in his early 20's pretty much split away from the church. His fam is super religous still and recently have been attempting to bring him back to the church. The past month he became distant because he was so torn on what to do. He is very about loyalty to fam and was struggling w the fact that they would dis-own him if he didn't come back. He's almost 30 and says he had been thinking of one day trying church again and so because of the pressure of losing his fam, he has decided he really wants to make a good hard effort now. Because I am not of the same faith, he said he had to end it. His family would never accept him marrying a girl not a part of their church. He said he still wants to stay friends because as bf/gf we are also each other's best friends. My bday is in 1 1/2 months and he says he wants to still get me something and I asked and he agreed maybe hang out if we are ready. Till then I'm going to back off and let us both heal for a while first, but do you think down the road maybe we could work on things once he feels more like he has a grasp on this? I've even been considering maybe converting if in a few months I'm still not over him. I don't know how to go about bringing that idea up as well. Has anyone else ever gone through this and had it work out, or is it pretty much, if it's about religion, it's over...?

My son had a similar situation with a girlfriend. His mother and I are of different religions. He was named in my religion and raised to know both religions. When he was old enough he was allowed to choose which religion he would follow. HE chose mine as we are closer to my family than my wife's.

Her parents and friends begged her not to go out with him or marry him for by religious law they were not of the same religion, he was my wife's religion even though he practiced mine and hers. Her parents eventually broke them up and so will his if the are that religious.

Truly religious people will not always recognize converts. While they may actively seek them to expand their church accepting them into their family is a different story. Before you convert you should find out if his parents would accept you as part of their religion and allow him to marry you should your relationship get to that point. Otherwise its a mute point that they will ever accept you.

As to how to bring this subject up? The best way is straightforward. You tell him that you don't want to lose him and if it means converting to his religion to keep him and hopefully someday marrying him you are willing to convert if his parents would then find you acceptable for him to marry. No strings, no commitment on his part and you will know once and for all where you stand with him.


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