The object of my column will be to help you help yourself by pointing you in the right direction if I can or by supplying you with WEB resources you can use that will help you find the answers your looking for.


Hi! I'm 13, do u think it would be Appropriate for me to get a rabbit vibrator like the one with the rabbit head for clit and the dildo moves around. Should I ask my mom for one or am I too young? Please help!!

As a moderator on this site I can look back and see what other questions you have written since you are a registered user; no I can't see who you are only the questions. As someone who is old enough to be your grandfather I am becoming concerned.

You didn't like my answer to the last question I answered and you probably will not like this one. I am writing this because I am concerned and wish to offer you some advice.

In the past 2 days you asked 4 questions about masturbations and one about sexy panties. You say you're 13 years old. These questions seem overly concerned with masturbation which is what concerns me.

While masturbation is good and considered healthy it should not be and all encompassing activity. If it is then there is a problem that requires professional help. At 13 sex and masturbation should not be of this high an interest to you either.

You have enter puberty that is apparent. With puberty comes sexual awareness. Like everything
sex needs to have moderation and is not an all encompassing activity. Of course I cannot say from your question if it is or is not. It is just a feeling I am getting and I am concerned for your welfare.

Because of this I am going to ask you to do something I know you don't want to do but you need to do it. If you don't you could very likely end up being very unhappy and then writing to us letters or questions I really don't want to read.

I am asking you to talk to mom about your masturbation and sexual awareness. For I believe you are a bit too aware and your masturbation may be for to encompassing for your own good.

Just for the record. I knew this question was your even before I looked at the record history for confirmation.


Which do you think is weirder ? A close guy friend that cuts and files my nails and toes nails or a close guy cousin that cuts and files my finger and toe nails ? Or are they both weird ?

Weird like beauty is only in the eye of the beholder; so who am I to say what is weird or not.

As long as those who are involved are comfortable with what is happening then I can't see where it is weird.


Has anyone here ever considered being a doctor and has at least attempted to get into med school or has gotten in ? If so, how was your timeline like in terms of your university/college years ? When did you take your mcat ? When and how did you prepare for the mcat ? Any tips of how to do well with the interviews? Any tips or experiences of getting accepted to med school? Should I take a gap year after graduating from my degree ? If so what should I do during that year ? Or should I apply during my junior year ? What should you do if you dong get in the first try ??

I'm not a doctor but I know about a half dozen who have become doctors; some in very unconventional ways.

Let me answer your last question first: If this is what you want never stop trying. I know for one of the people I know he didn't stop trying and while his grades were not good enough for an American med school he did make it into an Israeli med school in exchange for medical service in the Israeli military. That's how badly he wanted to be a doctor.

For another person I know medicine was a second career for him. His parents wanted him to be an engineer and sent him to college for that. At age 35 he went to med school. He was the oldest student and oldest resident in his residency program. He turned out to be a great doctor who went back home to an area under served by medical people.

The four others I met when they joined as volunteers in the County Fire service at the station I was at. They all felt that working as a volunteer at a Rescue Squad, which was this stations primary function would look good on their school application. If nothing else it would show they were not adverse to blood and guts, as this is what we see at vehicle accidents. We clean the patients up, dress wounds and care for the victims prehospital. The docs get a patient, usually stable, with dressed wounds in somewhat better condition then we find them.

Of the four two went on to become career firefighter/paramedics. They then took the bridge program to nursing. One is now in his residency program and the other will start courses in the fall to be a LPN.

The last scored high on her MCAT and was lucky enough to get selected off a standby slot for a very prestige's med school. She is now an attending in an ER.

Scoring as high as possible is the first step in getting into a med school. When to take them is up to you. Like any other test there are prep schools you can go to; then take the test as soon as you finish the prep course.

If you take a year off, which would be good as you can spend it prepping for the MCAT. Try to find work in the medical field as this show intent. Joining a fire service is not for everyone, career or volunteer. It is long hours of boredom punctuated by moments of sheer terror and high anxiety. Also nothing good happens after midnight with the possible exception of delivering a baby.

I have not interviewed in years so I can't help you there. I would bet there are services out there that can help you with the interview as well.

I would suggest since it sounds like you are in your undergraduate studies or heading off to college that you speak with a course counselor on how best to proceed if med school is your ultimate goal.

As far as getting their. If this is what you want; try, try and try again until you succeed.

Good luck


Growing up as an only child I have always had my weird quirks. I'll admit I have a very weird laugh. Sure, I can act childish, silly, and be naive sometimes. And I can also have blonde moments here and there. But that doesn't mean that I don't know how to be mature in some situations. Deep down I know that I can be a serious, smart and wise person. I also love to help others and give advice of my past experiences. But lately I have been feeling lost as to how I should act. While others may find me amusing and interesting, others may find me too weird or unbearable. My mom keeps telling me that since I'm 18 I should smarten up and act lady like, and that I should change my laugh cause no guy would like me if I didn't. And lately I have been finding myself either embarrassed of what I did afterwards or that a person would find me annoying and make it clear of it. I feel that if I completely tried to change myself and be mature and serious, then I would lose my character. I would lose my identity that sets me apart from other people. I know that life is all about trial and error.. But still. I don't know what to do, what do you think ??

I like what Dragonflymagic wrote. I'm going to put what he said in another manner.

We are who we are and yes we can change something's about ourselves but we cannot totally reinvent ourselves. When we try to be something we are not it comes across as being false and people will see right through that.

Yes there are people who are or have been the class clown. As they age and mature the class clown in them matures as well and it is not a false change which people will see and find displeasing.

You're being embarrassed about things because you are overly sensitive about them since your mom made you aware of some things that she finds immature. It is funny but we parents can be strange at times. When you are in a hurry to grow up and do adult things we tell you to slow down and be a kid or teenager. Then by the stroke of a clock you become an adult and we expect you to suddenly act like one.

Fact is you're still a teenager and you may even still be in high school. If so you will still be treated like a child. Talk about your mixed signals this one really is the topper. Even as you enter college you can expect to be treated more child like than as an adult because of the parent child relationship education and educators have with students.

You are who you are, never change yourself to please others only to please yourself. You will change that I can promise you as you mature. What some people may not like about you now will disappear and some of things that people do like about you will also disappear as you mature and your goals in life become clearer.

You are who you are, please do not force yourself to change for you will be miserable if you do.


Hi, before I ask I'm going to give a little information. I'm 17, always had VERY regular periods, they even come a few days early than what my tracker says they will. I last had sex on may 29th, unprotected, with pull out method. I had my next set period, which I've heard is common to have your next period then miss your second one. I am now what my tracker says three days late, but as I said before mine usually come before the tracker says it will. I've had some head aches, tiredness, and irritability I've noticed and I didn't notice the late period until my tracker notified me. Could I be pregnant?

It is possible as the pull out method, also known as the rhythm method, is the worst form of birth control there as it is based on when a woman's most fertile. Every male emits a small amount of sperm, usually referred to as precum during intercourse. This precum has enough sperm in it to impregnate the female. So even if the male does not ejaculate in the female, depending on when she is most fertile unprotected sex can make her pregnant.

Most women, about 80%, are most fertile during the 7th to 21st day of their cycle. This is when an egg is not likely to be ejected and available for fertilization.

Since you did have a period after you had sex you are more likely not pregnant. It is most likely you are stressed out over the unprotected sex and the fact that you could get pregnant. Stress is the biggest killer of a woman's period. Any and all types of stress will cause this to happen at any age during your menstruating years.

The best thing to do is to purchase a home test kit and follow the instructions in the test kit. I realize you probably do not want your mom to find the kit. So I suggest you buy it, put it in your purse or makeup kit and take one or both of them into the bathroom for your morning shower. Take the test, when you get the results repackage the kit and put it back in your purse or makeup kit then get rid of it in a dumpster away from home.

These kits give more false positives than false negatives. IF you do get a positive result don't freak out. Wait 10 days and test again. If you get the same result then you reason to freak out and need to see a doctor.

Good luck.


Hi I am 13, Do you think it's appropriate from me to were G string thong? I have three pairs of just regular thongs. How do I ask my mom for a g string? Or am I at the Appropriate age to where one? Please help!

You do realize this is a very personal question you are asking. One that should be asked of your mother.

Of course being male I have no idea of how they feel to wear though I do understand from my wife they are very uncomfortable and she only wears one for certain occasions when her choice of clothing allows for little else.

At your age I see no reason why you would need to wear this type of thong but would understand if say for a special occasion your choice of clothing would reveal panty lines if you wore something else. This in my mind would be a dress up occasion such as a family reunion, wedding or other special occasion then my wife would still have the last say.

I will tell you what I told my nieces as I had to be their father as theirs walked out on them. Do not be in a hurry to grow up. Your teenage years are very special and they go by very quickly. You hopefully will have a long adult life to experience adult things. Until then take the time to be a teenager.


Hi I'm 13 and i have trouble reaching an orgasm, I've tried a bunch of times And I never succeeded. I Masturbate with a four-inch rounded tip marker And my electric toothbrush. Do u have any tips in how I can reach an Orgasm?!

sillyrob may be a bit abrupt but is correct. The ability to fully climax comes with age. While you may be going through puberty and feeling some of the effects of puberty. Not all the effects of puberty have taken hold. Not all the chemicals needed to fully be a women have been released.

Yes your breast may be forming and you may have gotten your first period. There is still a lot more changes to come. You are feeling the first stages of sexual awakening. By not yet releasing some of the other chemicals and mother nature is playing a dirty trick on you and others your age. You feel sexual frustration but you just can't fully satisfy it yet.

The only advice I can give you is to try and relax. When you do masturbate find a nice quiet place where you will be comfortable, not intruded upon and hopefully not disturbed. Then relax and let yourself go don't try to force it. When it happens, and it will. it will knock your socks off. You just need to get a little older.


I have a huge question I'm a married man and I wanna know something is possibille to have sex in the ass then to go strait to the vagina without a girl getting any type of infection and how can I do this without her getting infection?

Short answer is no you cannot do that. You can go to vagina to anus with no problem but you cannot go from anus to vagina without stopping and washing up with hot soapy water and if using a condom putting on a fresh new condom after washing.

Speaking of condom usage; the male should use a condom for anal sex or he runs the risk of a urinary infection. If during foreplay his partner scratches or in some manner injures the skin of his penis the germs in the anus could cause an infection to enter his body through that area. The vagina is a far more hospitable environment and less likely to cause a problem for that scratch or abrasion.


So there was a rodeo me and my friends went to and we had been trying to stay the night there and if we couldn't my friend would drive us home. So we found out that could stay and the friend didn't seem Like she wanted to stay. She went home my phone dyed and she came back the next day and I didn't know and she found my sister and told her rude stuff about me and then my sister yelled at me and the stuff my friend said wasn't true Ana I told her that and she won't believe me and now there hanging out

What is your question? Please reread what you have written it is very confusing and there is no question I can see.



I was dating a guy for 4 months and I asked him whether or not if we were exclusive. He finally admitted that he saw us as a fling and that he liked what we had and would rather continue to it even though he did not see a potential relationship in the future. I sent him a long message (for closure for my own benefit), it was everything. Everything that we had difficulty communicating and all of my thoughts, I also told him at the end that I was not willing to be a side until he found what he wanted.

Since that day, he kept trying to talk to me as if nothing happened. I barely responded to him and I was wondering if he didn't understand the point of it all. Three days ago, he messaged me telling me that he missed me and to "not convince myself that he doesn't care about me." I read it and went to sleep.

The day after he messaged me at work as if everything was normal and he tried working out the issues with me that I sent in my "closure message." I honestly did not see a point in trying to work things out and he asked me why I always had a wall up when I was with him, and I told him my story and why my wall was up. He told me that he used to feel distant from me because of it. I told him that one day, I hope to see or find someone who's worth putting my wall down for. And he told me that he wanted to stay around regardless of my wall being up, even though it made things difficult at times.

Today, he told me that he wanted to see me and he asked if I wanted to see him and I got a bit frustrated. I told him that I have told him before that I was not going to be on the side and that I had more respect for myself than that. I told him that I obviously do, but I'm not comfortable with the idea of seeing him. He said he understood and that he'll wait until I ask to see him. I told him that if he was expecting me to act the way I was a few weeks ago, I'm not going to. And that I'll see him after I've completely moved on and that if he was expecting my wall to come down for him, it's not going to because he's messed up his chance. And he told me, "okay, I care for you." And sent me a kissy face.

I'm so confused. I thought I clarified it to him already. What is he doing?

I would suggest that if you are sure you are absolutely through with him, you stop answering his texts. By doing so you are in a sense giving him a message that you are in a manner of speaking still interested in him.

I realize in polite society it is not polite to ignore or not answer someone who texts you. Before the advent of social media and the smart phone we communicated by phone and letter. If someone wrote to us and we did not want to communicate with them we just marked the envelope return to sender and the post office sent it back. You can't do that with a text message. The only alternative is to block him and or not respond. Eventually he will get the message.

I'm sure you did make yourself clear to him in you first message. He is the one who is confused because you continue to answer his messages. By doing so you are being polite yes, though also sending the wrong message to him. From here on out if he texts you again just delete it and ignore him. DO NOT ANSWER HIM.


First of all I'm a 16 year old girl. Ever since I was 10 I've always been the antisocial type who hides away in her room reading or watching tv or whatever. I've always liked celebrities and book characters, but that's only normal right? But recently I've actually been sexually attracted to them. This will sound strange but I masturbate to fanfictions and pictures of my favorite celebrities/characters (The Doctor from Doctor Who is an example of one). And I spend ALOT of time watching the shows that they're in or reading the books they're in. I've always been antisocial, but I've also always had a healthy relationship with my interests until now. This didn't start up until I moved away from all of my friends a few months and started to get lonely, maybe this has something to do with it? What's wrong with me?

Relax your normal. There is nothing wrong with sexual fantasies especially while masturbating. In fact try masturbating without fantasizing or viewing pictures of people you would like to have sex with; it is almost impossible. The only time this would be wrong is when masturbation becomes all encompassing to the exclusion of everything else in your life.

I also think you do not understand the words antisocial properly. You had friends until you moved. Now you are having a hard time making friends. People who are antisocial usually do not have any friends. You lost yours not because you are antisocial but because you moved; big difference.

Teenagers at your age find it harder to make friends then when you were say 8 or 9. The problem in making new friends, especially in high school, is if you're new to the school you are the odd person out. The other kids have all grown up together and formed friendships that go back to elementary school. These friendships with minor exception are not life long friendships for as soon as high school is over we all take off for college, the military or work. We are all forced into making new friendships.

For now the best way I know to make new friends in a strange place is to find common interests. How you do that is actually very simple. You sit down with pen and paper and write down all the activities that you like to do. You say you like to read so you put that down. Maybe you like to knit, cook, go hiking, garden or anything else that you enjoy cooking. Then you could also include volunteer activities you may want to do and your churches youth group activities.

Once you have this list number them in order of interest from high to low. Take the top 4 or 5 and look to see what activities there are in or out of school that you can join. You like reading so a book club or the drama club may be something of interest to you. Once you join these activities you have a common interest with which to talk to people. Once you are talking they get to know you and you them. Before you know it you have made a friend.

Try this; I have made this recommendation many times and have received back many replies that it works.


Basically like 3 days ago I had sexual intercourse with my ex honestly I feel fucked up I feel like he's only nice to me till he gets what he wants and I'm the biggest idiot ever to go ahead and have sex with him. I feel used and hurt right now cause I know he doesn't want anything serious.. It's like whenever we speak it's sexual. We've been friends since we ended like over 2 years ago but we've only had sex twice since the breakup I honestly don't know what to do cause I feel like I'm emotionally and physically attached I feel so used I wanna cry cause I knew what I was getting myself into I don't know what to do

Your EX is the ass as he see's you as a friend with benefits that when all else fails and he horny he can go to. To me this make him an ass for he is using you because he knows you are still attached to him.

Anyone that uses other people for any reason sexual or otherwise is the person that is screwed up. Yes you have the right to feel used because you have been and that is wrong but not of you. It is easy to say you have to stop allowing him to use you, it is harder to actually do it. We all know what it is like to be physically and emotionally attached to someone who doesn't want us.

Separating ourselves from someone both physically and emotionally is sometimes more than a person can do on their own. You have had two years to do so and still remain emotionally attached to him. I believe you would benefit from seeking the help of a counselor to help you find the reason why you cannot emotionally cut yourself from him. Your employer or your parents employers medical insurance may have an EAP program. This program will allow you a certain number of visits, generally fully paid for, to a psychologist for help with problems like this.

There is no shame in seeking this kind of help. Until you fully cut the ties to this guy you will never be able to have a full and rewarding relationship with someone else. These visits are totally confidential. No one but you and your therapist will ever know what is discussed.


Hi! I was just wondering if I could where a push up bra? I DO NOT want to be slutty with it I just really want more support because my boobs are a bit bigger then most girls ( my bra size is a 36A) and how do I ask my mom with out her freaking out? Please help and please no hate

My Cousin at one time was the Vice President of sales for a leading manufacturer of lady's wear. I have asked him in the past for help with these type of questions and his answer was that the first step in buying any bra is to be properly fitted. They have found that close to 90% of all women wear the wrong bra's because the have never been properly fitted. This is why most women complain about their bra's being uncomfortable.

It appears you are just starting into puberty and your breasts are growing. What you need is a properly fitted training bra and instructions how to increase the cup size as your breast grow.

Every manufacturer and major department store have fitters that can help you make the proper choice in which bra's to chose. Of course the manufacturers fitters are going to steer you to their products but you do not have to purchase their product once you know what to buy.

What I suggest is you or mom call a local department store such as Lord and Taylor, Macy's or JC Penny and find out when their bra fitter is going to be in the store and make an appointment to be fitted. You may have to be refitted as your breasts grow. This is good for you will be assured of a properly fitting bra that will give you the proper support and flatter your figure. Depending on your breast size you may never need a push up bra. Being a guy I've never worn a bra but I have been told push up bras can be very uncomfortable.


Hi! Befor u get all upset about my question I just want to say that I have been masturbating for about 2 years now, and I want to ask my mom for a dildo or a vibrator but she will start to freak out and yell at me so how do I ask with her not yelling at me? Please help! Ps I am 12

You have asked a very good question. You are most likely correct if you go to your mother and ask her to buy you a vibrator she will freak out. Why she will freak I cannot say? Why parents don't want their children masturbating is a long story. Shortened to the Readers Digest version is parents believe that if children are told it is okay to masturbate it will lead to full on sexual intercourse.

Possible yes but more likely it will keep children from venturing into full sexual intercourse as they can relieve the sexual tension brought on by puberty at home in the comfort and confines of their bedroom. In fact it is hypocritical of most of us parents to say anything against masturbation to our children for most of us did so as children.

In fact according to a recent survey 85% of the population masturbate. In a family of 4 this would mean 3.4 members of the family masturbate. Your parents masturbate if only during foreplay which is called mutual masturbation.

Masturbation in young teens is healthy for it allows for a safe way to relieve the sexual tension brought on by puberty, especially in the early stages of puberty. In the early stages of puberty the new hormones are going to cause the teenager to have more sexual tension then in later years as the body adjust to the hormones of sex. Hence the term horny.

Masturbation is safe and convenient as it can be done in the confines of one's bedroom, shower or bath. For a teenage girl masturbation allows her to withstand the advances of young males who are also looking to relieve sexual tension.

Have I addressed your question? In a manner of speaking I a have. I have provided you with reasons why mom should buy you a vibrator. To just ask mom for one probably won't fly. She will most likely give the parents story of masturbation being a sin, it is not in any religion. It may not be condoned but it is not a sin. She may give you the old wives tale of going blind or growing hair in the palm of your hand, not true also.

You have to go to your mom with mature reasons why she should buy you a vibrator. The fact that 85% of the population masturbate is a good start. This was found in a recent sex survey of people ages from teenaged through 65 years of age. Sexual tension, like all tension must be relieved and masturbation is the best way for young people to do so. No teen has ever become pregnant form masturbation.

You are going to have to be prepared to argue your case to your mother. When I say argue I do not mean yelling, I mean calmly explaining with facts researched to explain your point.

The alternative is to find an older person to purchase one for you and then hide it from your mother. This is a solution I do not support for mom will find it and them you will have an argument over it.


Hi my right side hurts when I masturbate. I noticed it hurt yesterday when I went to masturbate, I masturbate with a 4inch marker and my electric tooth brush. When I stick the marker about 3 1/2 inches in my vagina my right side starts to hurt. I pounded my pussy a couple days ago is that why its hurting? Do u have any Suggestions that will keep it from not hurting? Or can I take a pill or something? Or is it because I pounded my vagina too hard? Please help!

None of us are doctors so a diagnosis is not something we can give you. When people masturbate to climax; many more muscles tighten then just the sexual organs. It is possible that you strained the muscles on your right side during an intense orgasm. I know I have had very painful muscles pulls which have ruined many masturbations sessions when I was young.

There is not any over the counter medication you can buy that will stop muscle pulls. I'm told that low potassium can cause muscle pulls and eating a Banana a day which is high in potassium can help reduce muscle pulls.

It would be better if you stuck to the marker or found something that better resembled a penis to masturbate with. The toothbrush while it does give off a vibration can also hurt the interior of your vagina depending on its length. The average depth of a vagina when sexually excited is 6". If your tooth brush is longer than this you could be rubbing against your cervix and this is not good for two reasons.

1. Your vaginal has a certain PH level it maintains. Your mouth has a different PH level. Your toothbrush is a vehicle to mix these two levels. Plus the mouth has germs that should not be in your vagina. I understand about oral sex but this does not put the germs deep within your vagina the way your toothbrush may be doing.

2. The rubbing of your cervix by the toothbrush could cause a raw spot with which the germs from the mouth could settle in and cause an infection.

There is nothing wrong with masturbation. In fact it is even considered healthy in that it relieves sexual tension in a safe and healthy way. When masturbating there are a few more rules for the female since her sexual organ is internal. The most important one is to be very careful what you put in your vagina and make sure it is clean and not used by any other female. STD"S can be transmitted through the exchange of sex toys so be careful what you put in your vagina.

Other than that relax, take your time and allow yourself to explore your body while masturbating. Try eating more Bananas’ to see if it will help heal and reduce the muscle strain.


i had sex with my girlfriend using condum.but after a day she is having urination and itching problem.is this a symtom of pregnancy.i just want to avoid if it is like that.any medicine prefered.what to do ?.

No these are not symptoms of pregnancy. What they are symptoms of are a Urinary tract infection or an allergic reaction to the latex condom. She needs to see a doctor.


A few months ago I started to talk to a guy online and we were talking about having a relationship. About a month ago I abruptly stopped talking to him because I was slightly suspicious if he was legit. A week later, I was alone at my house when a man rang my doorbell and when no one answered, started to look in the windows. He didn't have a car with him. Yesterday, a car stopped in front of my house for at least two minutes. I don't know if I should report this because I'm a teen and I'm pretty scared.

I would do two things.

First: I would tell your parents so they are aware and keep an eye out as well. It may be nothing or it may be something. Today you cannot be too careful. It could be a stalker or it could be a potential burglar which is why you must also must do the second.

Second: Make a police report. This allows the police to know what is happening in a neighborhood. They will alert the sector car to the report and ask the sector car to be on the alert when near your house.

You may not be aware of local burglaries which of course the police are. If this is a burglar looking for his next target this will alert them. If it is a stalker they will be alerted to look for him.

Either way you look at this it is best you do both for your own safety and peace of mind. Once you make the report if you see that car stopping in front of your home again call 911 and report it. The police will try and catch it before it leaves the neighborhood. Give the 911 operator as much information as you can without endangering yourself.


Okay, so I'm male, 5'7, 105-110 lbs, 14 years old, and my grandma just will not stop talking about it. This morning I was getting food and she started making more food and saying I had to eat it all, and I said I wasn't that hungry. She got mad and said I had to eat it because she knew I never ate anything and she threatened to call some fake organization she made up and tell them I'm not eating.

I finally did snap and get really mad. I pounded my fist on the table and yelled, "I DO eat!" She sat there and watched me eat, and when I left she accused me of going to throw it up. WTF? I'm not bulimic.

Now she's ignoring me and saying that she's just the warden. I said "I love you." to her and she just laughed. What do I do? :(

If by chance your grandmother is looking at the same height and weight chart I am. Then according to this national chart depending on your Skeletal frame size you are anywhere from 20 to 40 pounds underweight.

That chart is based on a National average. Meaning that is the average between the lowest and highest within each frame size. The person whose advice or opinion really counts is your doctor. What does your doctor say about your weight? When was the last time you had a complete physical?

If it has been more than a year or if you have not had a physical since your period started it is a good idea to have one. Physicals are generally painless even the female part of the exam. The blood draw is about the most painful part and that last only a second or two.

During the physical ask your doctor how she or he feels about your weight. If your doctor is not concerned ask the doctor to talk to grandma. I would hope grandma would listen to the doctor, after all the doctor went to medical school and should know about these things.


I have an elderly neighbor who feels that he needs to dictate what everyone does with their property. Once he tried to have my truck towed because he didn't like it parked on the street. Now he called the city inspector out to look at a car under my carport. It didn't have up to date tags. I'm on a budget and expecting my first child in Sept. So yes, I didn't update my tags but thought the car would be fine under my carport on private property. This man has been a bully for years to other neighbors. How can I deal with this ignorant man?

The other two advisors gave some good advice. I can only add that you could call the county or city department of aging and talk to them about him. His constant nagging on neighbors could be he is lonely and this is his only way of getting attention.

The department of aging should come out and evaluate if he is still capable of living on his own, if he does live on his own as you do not say. Whether or not he is suffering from any form of dementia as well as the condition of his home.

Once he is visited by the department of the aging they can arrange for a variety of services such as meals on wheels, shoppers to do his shopping and house cleaners to help with cleaning his home as well as other services he may need. If all he is, is lonely these services should keep him from getting lonely and help divert his attention other places.

We had a very nice lady living in our neighborhood. She started to become the neighborhood busybody. As it turned out when this started she was in the early stages of some form of dementia. While she was able to live on her own her children let her. When it became apparent she could no longer live on her own and she was becoming a nuisance her children moved her to a nursing home.

I'm not saying this is the problem with your neighbor all though it may be. The department of the aging should be able to make that determination or ask the department of mental health to make it for them.


My boyfriend (27) and I (22) have been dating for about 2 years. A few months after we started dating, I discovered he was addicted to pain pills. He confessed this to me after he had been going through withdrawals for a couple of days and I could clearly tell something was seriously wrong. After a couple of weeks drug-free, he began to feel better and I even noticed a change in the way he acted because of how great he felt.

About a year after that he told me he was having issues again. He was back to spending hundreds of dollars a week on pills and he decided to get help. He went to a clinic that basically prescribed a drug that would help him with withdrawals as long as he checked in a couple times a week and had a clean urine sample. He was doing great until his doctor told him that he would need to start seeing a counselor as part of their program. He told me that he wasn't like those "other addicts" and that he didn't need counseling. I told him he was in the same place as them for a reason, but he said he just needed the medication to help with the withdrawals and he'd be fine. When he ran out of those, he did in fact seem to be doing okay. However, I told him since he wouldn't put in a sincere effort to do what was asked of him then I would have no choice but to leave him if he starting using again. I had been in a previous relationship with an addict and I knew for my personal mental health I couldn't go through that again. He seemed to be doing okay though, so I quit worrying. For about a month.

I found out he was getting pills again. I broke up with him; not because I wanted to but because I knew I couldn't just threaten to do something and then not follow through. I felt like I'd be enabling him. He explained that he only got them again because his back had been hurting really bad from work, to which I responded that most people don't have a dealer that they can just call up to score pills from any time their back hurts, and that he knew better than to think it would "just be this once." We eventually got back together, because he said there really was nothing to worry about and since I love him, I gave him the benefit of the doubt and decided to stick with him. I know addiction isn't a choice and I don't believe leaving him will actually make things better.

A week ago he told me he found a bottle of phentermine in his mom's medicine cabinet and that he took one to see what it was like. Usually those aren't really his thing but I know they're addictive and I was LIVID because I feel like it was just so careless of him to chance something like that when he knows his history. He said it was only once and he wouldn't do it again, especially since the pill didn't even make him feel very good.

Then yesterday, I saw that he was texting his dealer. He left the room, and I was overcome with anger so I decided to read the messages. He had planned to go get some oxys per usual and then asked if she had any phentermine, to which she said that she did.

Today he came home from work late. I looked in his truck and found several oxys and a phentermine. Obviously he's been lying, and it makes me mad that he pretended to not even like those pills when he was in fact, asking for MORE. I realized he had been lying about several things: he said a guy at work was telling him about how he took phentermine and it have him energy then coincidentally his mom happens to have some in her cabinet? No, he just didn't want me to know he was in touch with his dealer.

I'm so mad at him for lying but at the same time I'm upset and worried because he has had 2 friends die from overdosing on pills and both of them were doing less than he does. I don't think he's currently doing as many as he used to, but he is still doing them.

I don't want to leave him. He still continues to be a wonderful boyfriend, a hard worker, and still has the same funny, silly attitude. But he's struggling with a serious addiction and I don't know how I can help. I feel like if I stay, I'm telling him that he can continue living life as though his addiction is not something he should try to overcome. He can keep me and the pills and everything will be fine. However, if I leave, I'm not sticking with him through a hard time in his life and that's not the kind of person I am nor do I want him to feel alone in this.

How can I deal with this situation? I'm sick of the back-and-forth. I know his addiction will be a lifelong battle but I refuse to accept that this is just how it's going to be. I know he can lead a sober life.

I don't feel any of us can tell you exactly what is the best way for you to handle the situation with your boyfriend. Are you enabling him by staying with him when you said you would leave him if he started doing drugs again? Probably to some degree. More so I think you are hurting yourself or fooling yourself, I can't be sure of which as I do not know you.

What I can offer you is the best support group which can help you find the answers you need to find to know what is the right thing for you to do.

The group is called Al-Anon maybe you have heard of them. It was formed to help friends and relatives of addicted people cope with their addictions and how best to help these people. By talking with people who have or are going through the same situation you are and finding out how they are dealing with it. You will have a better incite into what or how to deal with your boyfriend.

Below is the URL to their find a meeting page. I'm sure you will be able to find a meeting somewhere close to where you live.




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