I need help on how to word this differently so I can use it in my speech: In order to better understand serial killers, It is important to explore...

Another way of writing this would be: In order to better understand serial killers, one needs to understand how someone becomes a serial killer. Are serial killers born this way or are they made?

This is a question that is yet to be answered. There are just about as many answers supporting both sides of the question going as far as to say it is in their DNA. IT can be an interesting subject to research if this type of thing interest you. Just do not expect to find a definitive answer.


To make a long story short, I was dating this guy, but before we were officially together he slept with this other girl. Then when we got together he still tried to help her out, because she's homeless, no job, no education, no family etc. Then a few weeks later he finds out she's pregnant with his baby. He immediately tells me and says he needs to be single for the time being, because he needs to help her through the pregnancy, the other girl seeing him with any one else would make her angry at him. I took him for his word that I did nothing wrong, and he wanted to be single which was fine. Come to find out this girl posts that they are in a relationship, not even two weeks after he breaks up with me, and then she posts more that she is upset because he won't tell his mother, or any of his friends about her. At his request she takes the" in a relationship" post down, because he was worried about how i would feel. Then she has a miscarriage, and now he says he isn't with her. He says he wants to be single, but he also doesn't want to be alone. He also said the only reason he broke up with me was because of this girl. Since then we have made up and have started to become friends again, i.e. going out socially, hanging out etc. I still really like him, not just on a physical level, I like him as a person too. I would like to give a relationship a new try, but I'm unsure if he would want to or if its a good idea. So should I just ask him, or is he not worth my time? By the way I am a 22 year old girl, he is 23.

My advice will be different than some of the others as I do not think it is our place to make this type of decision for you. What we can do is based on what you have written to us is give you an outsiders view of your situation and give you options. This is what I do with these type questions.

You need to first understand that both of you are still very young and have time to make commitments. Even though he is a year older than you; from a maturity standpoint you are older than him by about 2 years. Boys mature slower than girls do and really do not catch up to them until the late twenties or early thirties.

What this means is while you are looking for a relationship which would lead to settling down and marriage. He is still back in his late teens where the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. He is not ready for commitments and I am surprised he manned up for the other girl when she was pregnant; it does not fit what you have written though it does show proper values.

Is he worth your time and effort? I don't think it is for any of us to say yes or no. You say you like him, you do not say you love him. Where you ever in a friends with benefits type of relationship or are you now? If you were then my feeling is this is what he wants from you as he lusts for you more than any love he might have.

You don't use the word love nor do you write about any sex life you two may have. You write you date, going out socially and hanging out. If you feel he might be worth the time and effort to bring to a loving relationship then I think you two need to have a serious conversation.

In this conversation you tell him your feelings and what you expect from this relationship. He needs to be just as open with you. Is he looking for a serious relationship or are you just a vessel for his lust. Once you have this information then you will know how to proceed.


My girlfriend of almost a year is the girl I want to and am planning to spend the rest of my life with.Shes perfect to me. But here's the thing, when we met she had a boyfriend, a fat, immature, poser(he's white and says the n word,wears a SnapBack,says eminem is the only good rapper alive,etc...).I convinced her to break up with him and we fell in love.Now I lost my virginity to her but she lost it to him.When I imagine that guy on top of her, I get insecure,mad,sad,jealous,etc..She says she regrets it,I believe her but still. Now the other day she told me this guy we both know was hitting on her and I laughed about it...then she told me "have you seen him in sweatpants ,looks like he has a 3rd leg or a really big water bottle in there.." Ever since then I haven't been able to look at her out of jealousy and insecurity, I mean why would she tell me that,was that really necessary,I'm confident with my size but it's not a damn 3rd leg.... So how do I get over it and just move on?plz help

There is something else at work here that you are not telling us about or you are not being truthful with yourself about. Today just about everyone is going to have a sexual history. Statistically speaking people in the 18-25 range it is 86% or higher that they will not be virgins on their wedding night or when they meet their future spouse.

I've been married going on 44 years. The first thing my wife said to me was I could look at the menu but I could not reorder. I would say if your girlfriend is looking and not sampling or placing an order; you have nothing to worry about when she makes remarks like the one you write about.

There's something else going on here. Something you may not be fully aware of yourself other than it is giving you reason to look for an exit strategy. This is the girl you say you want to spend the rest of your life with. Before you make that commitment you best find out why you are looking for an exit strategy.

I would suggest you find a good psychology you are comfortable enough to talk freely with. Show him or her what you have written to us and go from there. If your employer has an Employee Assistance Program (EAP). Contact the EAP assistance center and ask for names of Psychologist. By going through EAP most programs will pay for the first several visits in full which may be all that's needed to find the answer you looking for.


Can a octor tell if you've ben fingered?

Doctors cannot tell if you have been fingered. If your Hymen is intact then they will believe you are a virgin as it is almost impossible to have sexual intercourse and have your Hyman remain intact. I say almost impossible as some women have Hymens that are elastic enough and have a hole large enough that an average sized penis may not tear them. This though is extremely rare.

Today many women end up tearing or detaching their Hymen when using Tampons. So today’s definition of a virgin is not so much a women with an intact Hymen But one whose vagina has never been penetrated by a penis.

While there are people who say a gynecologist can tell if a woman has had sexual intercourse. It is really not possible for this type of doctor to say for certain unless there happened to be semen in the vagina during a female examination.

NOTE: If you are 14 or over and you are being forced to have a female exam to see if you are sexually active you can refuse by law. You parents cannot force you to have this exam.

Under a Federal Law none as HIPPA anyone 14 or over has complete medical confidentiality over their reproductive system. What this means is parent cannot force anyone 14 or over to have an examination of this type. A parent cannot be in the exam room if your reproductive system is being examined and parents do not have the right to see your medical records or speak with your doctor concerning anything to do with the examination or treatment of your reproductive system.

Congress passed this law so young people with seek medical treatment when needed for questions or things they may be too embarrassed to go to a parent with. Your doctor or anyone in the doctors employ can be jailed for up to 5 years if they release any information without your expressed written permission to the doctor.

Should you be writing because you are being forced to go to the doctor for this type of exam? My advice is not to make a scene or fight with mom. There is a better way especially if you are sexually active in any way.

Go to the doctor, when you enter the exam room say to the nurse or doctor; "I invoke my rights under HIPPA I am ____" and state your age. The doctor or nurse will take it from there. If mom is with you she will be asked to leave the room. Then you can speak freely with the nurse and doctor about anything and everything related to your reproductive system, your sexual activity and request birth control if you want.


I daydream a lot and I did a little research and I am not sure if it is a maladaptive daydreaming. I think it becoming a problem because I don't like pain. However, when I have a painful experience I create a scenario in my head. The scenario is even more painful but I am in control of what happens. During these daydream I get emotional because they are very painful experience but it worse than the pain I am going through. It my way to escape and process my emotion. I can cry without dealing with my actually emotionally pain.

I am not a doctor so what I am about to say is by no means a diagnoses. In fact I will say right up front that I suggest you discuss what you have written to us with your family doctor before what I am going to say could or does happen.

While what you are writing about could very well fit into the description of maladaptive daydreaming. It also comes very close to the developing of an alter personality that comes out during times of high stress or when you suffer hurt or harm to protect you.

You bring out the alter personality who is generally stronger than you are and can stand up to or withstand what ever is happening. When this happens you suffer what is felt to be a blackout period for you know nothing of what happens during this time.

You do not speak of having blackout or being unaware of what is going on which is a symptom of maladaptive daydreaming as well. Should you start to suffer periods of time where you cannot remember what happened such as leaving home but not remember how you got someplace. Then it is absolutely time to see a psychiatrist to see what is happening.

For right now I believe a discussion with your family doctor is in order as well as some sessions with a therapist to find better ways to deal with the things you find hurtful and hurting you.


Currently I am paranoid that I am pregnant. I have not had a regular period since late October. Recently I experienced something that was like a period, but because it was so light I am convinced that it was just spotting. I read somewhere that sometimes a woman will have a light period when she first gets pregnant.

I don't know if this is in my head, but I am experiencing back pain, nausea after meals, headaches, constipation, which I have googled are some of the symptoms.

My boyfriend and I have plans to see each other, where I will take a pregnancy test at his house. Since the two of us are both in college we still live at home, so I would be taking this test in his mother's apartment. If it does test positive, I will ask him whether or not he feels comfortable about breaking the news with me.

Something tells me that his mother will be fine with it, since he is much older than some other people in his family who have been pregnant. His two female cousins on his mom's side became pregnant as teenagers. Even his mom had a child when she was 19, who she gave up for adoption, so she's been there.

His brother already knows and he and his girlfriend are being extremely supportive. I texted his brother's girlfriend last night, who has been here in the past, and she asked me what I wanted to do since it is a big choice.

My boyfriend's brother's girlfriend thinks that since I bled it is unlikely for me to be pregnant, but I look at that a little differently. I assume that she is primarily advising me on what she experienced, and online medical websites have told me that it's a possibility.

At the moment, I am confused as I ponder over what is the best choice for the two of us and our potential child. My boyfriend and I have an extremely loving and supportive relationship, and I don't know how I could possibly get myself to abort his child or give the baby up for adoption.

I am not sure if being raised by me and my boyfriend will be the best choice, because of finances and my education. Next semester will be my boyfriend's last semester but I still have another year left to complete.

Still, this is not the primary issue of my concern because I know that my boyfriend and I will make the best choice possible for all parties concerned. He's being amazing and totally supportive.

The problem is breaking the news to my own family. My boyfriend is so lucky to have the family that he does, which is so different than my old-fashioned upbringing. I am frightened of telling my parents. Primarily, my mother and my grandmother, who have already concluded that they do not like him.

How do I break this news to them if I am pregnant? I don't really want to tell them until I start showing. Is this best? Should I bring my polite, gentlemanly boyfriend who they have decided to turn against (even though he helped my mother get along using a cane during my cousin's wedding) to break the news (if possible)? I would prefer the perspective of a parent or grandparent.

I am a parent and old enough to be a grandparent though my son has yet to bestow that honor upon us. I am though a Great Uncle in all aspects of the word.

First: If you are pregnant you would be somewhere into your third month or the first trimester. Your uterus would be hard and depending on your weight you should have a fairly noticeable baby bump. Besides the symptoms you described, your breasts should have enlarged in preparation of feeding the baby.

Second: There are many reasons besides pregnancy for missing your period. Stress is the biggest one and is the cause of more missed periods then even pregnancy. Stress over a possible pregnancy of being pregnant is number 1 on the hit parade of stress related missed periods.

Taking a home pregnancy test is a good idea. It will either put to rest the fact that you are not pregnant or that you may be. Follow the directions on the package as to when to test to get the most accurate results.

I don't know your mother so it is hard to say how it is best to break the news to her. Since I do not have a daughter but I have two nieces I am very close too. I can tell you that as a father or an Uncle in this case there is no man good enough for them, never see a guy good enough for their daughters. My nieces are married to two very nice men on a firefighter paramedic as is my son so he gained slightly more acceptance at first.

My thoughts are as they are with any problem; to attach this head on as quickly as possible and then deal with the fallout. Mom and grandmother, you say, already don't like your boyfriend. Well they don't have to you’re the one who will live with him if you marry. If you’re pregnant married or not you will share this child with him forever.

Having your boyfriend with you when you tell your mom and grandmother will be great support for you I'm sure. The problem becomes do you want to put him in the line of fire of the rath you seem to expect when you inform them of your pregnancy. It is very possible they will not be as upset as you think they will be. Even as old fashion as you say they are, perspectives change when faced with the fact they are potential grandparent and great grandparents. Babies do that to us.

As to how to tell them, once you confirm your pregnancy. As I started with the best way is straight on. You say; "mom grandma I'm pregnant." Then wait for their response. They may some very nasty things. If so your response is very simple and one I truly believe in and give as advice practically every day.

"I'm over 18 and an adult responsible for my actions and allowed to have a sex life." You can in effect go on to say we made a mistake and we will deal with it. This really is all you need to say and all they need to hear. If they are supportive that is different and you can have a different type of conversation with them. IF not you have done what is required of you and let it be known that you and your boyfriend will decide what to do.

Speaking for myself if you were my daughter; I would be upset that in this day and age you would not have taken the proper precautions. I might say something to the effect of; "How could you have allowed this to happen." "I would not chastise you I would ask what help you needed from me.

That is me that is the way I work. I can't speak for your mom or grandmother. I do believe though that given time they will warm to the idea and eventually come to accept your boyfriend; for they will want to be around your child.


So I have manic depression, paranoia, and anxeity. My parents took me to tharapy for a while, but it ended up hurting me more than helping me. They took me to evangelical Christian therapy and basically the tharapist said I am under demonic innfluennce and I have brought this on to my self because I don't believe in god. Well the tharapy sessions were total hell and the worst part is my parents belive her. I learned how to cover up my deppression, paranoia and anxeity so they think that I'm alright, but its killing me. I can't stand being depressed all the time, but I'm afraid if I let my parents know they will take me back to that horrible tharapy. Would it be a good idea to talk to my schools guidance counsilor about it? I just need some place that I can get help at with out all the BS.

At 16 years of age you are old enough to make doctors appointments and to see doctors on your own. If, and I say if only because I am not a doctor and I cannot examine and diagnose you, you do suffer from Manic depression. You need to see a psychiatrist. Only a medical doctor can treat Manic depression, the paranoia and anxiety that goes with it.

Now there are several different ways to go about getting treatment. You can go to your family doctor and ask to be screened for depression. It is a painless test that has the doctor asking you a number of questions. The doctor will also perform a complete physical which you will need anyway as the psychiatrist will want this done to rule out any physical reason for you feeling this way.

Once your family doctor has confirmed a diagnosis and completed a physical a referral to a Board Certified Psychiatrist should be given or requested. Once you have the name of a psychiatrist make an appointment.

You can also skip the above and go to any hospital emergency room and ask for help. You will not be turned away. You can also call 911 if you feel you need to see a doctor and your parents won't let you. Tell the 911 operator what is happening and how you feel. The police and fire department will be sent to you. The police will be there to protect you and to see to it that the Fire Department EMT's are allowed to talk with you and examine you. If they feel you need to see a doctor the police will see to it that your parents do not interfere with the EMT's

The last and probably the longest way to get help is by asking a trusted teacher or your school principal for help. By not allowing you to get the medical attention you need you parents are guilty of child abuse. By informing a trusted teacher or your school principal of this they are required to contact Child Protective Services.

Once CPS gets involved they could have you examined and if found in need of medical treatment they can arrange for it.

There is a place for evangelical Christian therapy. At some point if you truly are suffering from manic depression the Christian Therapist should have realized this and recommended you see a psychiatrist as well as the therapy he or she was providing.

I hope the advice I offered is helpful and if you need help fast either go to a hospital ER or call 911. You do not need parental permission for either or any of the advice I have offered you.


last summer i visited new york city and loved it. I live in a small city in california and love the idea of growing up in new york. I mean theres so much to do and the idea of being in such a different environment excites me. So I've thought a lot about it, and decided that it would be awesome if we moved there. I know it sounds stupid, but everything seems boring here. I want to experience new things and grow up, have my teenage years in New York. I would miss my friends, but moving isn't the end of the world. I would feel bad asking my brother, sister, and parents to do this though. I don't want them to go through having to adapt to a new environment if their heart isn't in it.I finally concluded that I can't ask my family to move for me But i don't think i can not go back there. All I seem to think about is my time in New York. Every spare second I have is spent imagining me in New York or having the chance to audition for broadway(I love performing)No its not my hormones messing with my brain and this isn't a passing phase. What do I do?

NYC can be very enchanting to someone from a small town visiting. Having grown up just outside of NYC I can tell you that living there NYC would very quickly lose its charm.

First: NYC is one of the top five most expensive cities to live in. Even if your parents were or you when you are old enough to move there, were to live outside the city it would not be any less expensive. In fact it could be more expensive as the city imposes a commuter tax on top of the other taxes you pay.

Second: The schools in the City are not the best in the country. In fact the children of the wealthy generally go to private schools.

Third: New Yorkers as a general rule are very rude. They have to be as there are over 8 million people squeezed on to that tiny island; more during the working hours.

When I left New York I lost my wife's income totally and I took a pay cut. Still our lifestyle improved dramatically and was even better once my wife returned to work.

Yes New York is a great place to visit and with the right educational background does offer some great work opportunities. As for gaining access to the stage your hopes and dreams are easily dashed if you expect to act on Broadway. Broadway is reserved for seasoned actors. You would have to spend your time far off Broadway to earn the right to work on a Broadway stage. It is called paying your dues.

You say this isn't a passing phase. You're 13 you are going to experience many new things over then next 5 years. Even old things will be new as you will see them in a new light brought on by the hormones of puberty.

Yes this is a phase; maybe not the acting career that may mature and blossom. You may decide on a path to this goal that excludes NYC at first. But this is phase of youthful experience and while it will pass it will also mature.

Try and get your parents to go back to NYC if you do I assure you with a second look NYC will look different. Some of the glitter will be gone.


I had a sex but without intercouse..and I took unwanted 72 after 17 hours is ther any chance of getting pragnent

Let me see if I understand your question for as you wrote it you do not make sense.

If you had sex you had intercourse, meaning a boys penis was inside your vagina and some semen was left in your vagina. It does not make a difference how far his penis penetrated you. If his penis was inside your vaginal opening even if he did not pump you had intercourse and you are no longer a virgin by today's definition. Once a penis has penetrated a vagina to any degree carnal knowledge is conceded to have taken place and virginity is lost.

If he ejaculated while his penis was inside you like this then enough sperm was shot into you to make you pregnant if all other factors were right.

You say you took the 72 hour pill. I believe you mean you took the Plan B pill within 17 hours of the possible intercourse. If so the chances are that the plan B pill will be successful in preventing a pregnancy. Go back to the drugstore and purchase a home test kit. Follow the directions on how long to wait after intercourse happened as to when to test. Then test for pregnancy.

Regardless of whether you get a negative or positive reading wait 10 days and test again to see if you get the same reading. This will insure that you did not get a false reading. If your period shows up before you have a chance to test the second test you are not pregnant.


I thought it was an ignorant thing of the past, til movies like "Exodus" whitewashed ancient Egypt, but made black people the slaves, "Avatar: The Last Airbender" making a show about asian and native american type people into a movie with good white characters and south asian bad characters, etc. I can't believe it still happens. Are casting people blind, oblivious, or just racist? I can't believe Angelina Jolie even wants to make a movie on Cleopatra, and play Cleopatra. That's a huge insult to her adopted daughter, Zahara, who is closer to being Egyptian, as an Ethiopian, than European and slight Native American Angelina. Why does this nonsense still happen today? What is wrong with casting appropriately? It's like people portraying Jesus with blonde hair and blue eyes.. what's wrong with the reality that he likely looked more like the average middle eastern man, and not like a northern european? I'm not anti-white people or anything, I just hate historical inaccuracy. It benefits nobody. It's a shame the new Moses film took that route. I don't watch films for the actors. The film would sell if it's good, not just cause it has Mel Gibson, some English white guy. I thought people in the entertainment industry would know better by now, but sadly, i guess not. It's like.. they never learn.

You ask a good question. Unfortunately I don't believe any of us are in the film industry and would know the answer. I for one would be interested in hearing why they cast box office stars rather than go for historical accuracy.

If you truly want an answer to your question I would suggest you write to one or more of the Hollywood studio's. Write to them as if this is a school assignment you are doing and I'm sure one or more of the studios will answer.

Write to the public relations department of any major studio. You should be able to find the address on the WEB.

Write a business type of letter. While you can be as blunt as you were here try and soften it some as not to insult or come off as being racist. That you are asking a question as part of a learning exercise.

Good luck and write me back with any answer you get. You can do so in a private message. I am really interested to hear what a studio might say to you.


no matter how "great" they think their phones are, the phone everyone still wants is the iphone.

I think your statement that android users think everyone is envious of their phones. I for one have never wanted an IPhone. I have always felt they were over priced and limited in what they can do. The same is true with the IPAD. I have had an IPAD for years but have started to look at other tablets with other operating systems because the IPAD is limited in what it can do as opposed say to the Samsung Tablet that allows me to run Window and split screen.

Don't get me wrong the IPhone is a good phone just not my cup of tea. Both my sister, an Investigator with the FBI, and my son, a Paramedic Firefighter had the IPhone supplied by their employers. Recently they were replaced with the Samsung Note 4 as it was judged more capable to what their needs were. I'm also sure they were the item lowest bid as well though they had to meet certain standards of operation even to bid. I'm not sure if the IPhone was even considered. I will have to look into that.

Because it says Apple on it and because it is marketed so well by Apple it is the top selling Smartphone in the market today. Those of us who use the Android phones do so because they more meet the needs of business we are in. This is also why Apple spends most of their advertising and Marketing money in the 16 to 25 age groups.

If you are in the 16 to 25 age group I would not expect you to envious or even see the need for the Android phone or tablet. The IPhone should more than meet all your needs.


I'm dating a man who is somewhat wealthy, I'm not sure exactly how wealthy he is but he's in a financial class much higher than my own but I don't think he's like a millionaire.

He really wants to help me with my life and he really wants us to have a solid relationship where we see each other often.

I've grown from lower class (as a child) to middle class (as an adult working and handling my own bills) but it's still very hard sometimes to pay all the bills and because I had a rich best friend growing up I now have a taste for expensive things and sometimes I get really depressed that I can't afford them.

It would make a world of difference to live a better life with him and I think I'd really enjoy it but I don't want to rely on him and then have things not work out a few months later and not have anywhere to go.

He lives in a different town than I do about 4 hours away (there and back) and he would want me to come live with him. I mean I can always get a job down there but with the economy in America the way it is that might be difficult.

Currently I split an apartment in my town with two friends and I just got a new job but it's nothing amazing compared to what he might help me get in his town. With the job I just took I'm going to be working more than full time and might not even have time to see him and that scares me too because I don't want to lose him.

I'm scared to give up what I have here but then again I don't have much here. I have my own car which is a good 2012 hybrid. The apartment can be taken care of by my roommates. I don't have anything else so it's more just the fear of the unknown than anything.

Should I take a risk and agree to let him help me get on my feet in his much bigger city?

I wish I knew the ages of you and this man for the way you have written this it sounds like this man is somewhat of a Sugar Daddy. I don't think that is what you are looking for.

On the other hand the only fear here is that of the unknown. If you're young and single you should not let the this fear paralyze you. If he is willing to help relocate you and get you established in a new town then you have nothing to lose if things do not work out. I'm sure you will make new friends. If he has helped you get a new job and made you financially self sufficient then you have nothing to lose.

Based on what you have written I really can't give you a really good reason to say yes or no to this man. My advice is you take a good hard look at what you have and what he is offering. If the worst was to happen and you two do not work out with the exception of being in a new town, if you would be no worse off then than you are today. I would say put the fears aside and go for it.


I would like to begin by sharing that I am 42 years old, was previously married and have a 12 year old son and 21 year old daughter. My marriage ended five years ago. I was engaged approximately a year after my divorce to a man that I loved dearly. He ended up getting back with his ex-wife out of nowhere and I was blindsided and heartbroken for several years and refused to date until my heart had healed as I was afraid to hurt anyone given that I believe "hurting people hurt others".

Fast forward to approximately nine months ago when I re-entered the dating world unexpectedly. I met a very handsome guy while on a business trip to West Coast(I am based out of Texas). I slowly started dating this lovely guy and we have had a sweet romance. My issue with "west coast beau" is that he reminds me so much of the man that broke my heart into. They look alike, share similar interests and backgrounds. It is obvious the universe is sending me this man for a reason and I cant sort if I should flee or embrace. I will also say that as lovely as he is - he seems to be somewhat insecure and reserved, highly sensitive man. When I am with him he is very much a real life prince charming. I am very confident, independent type so the issue with his confidence and need to be with me, near me, checking on me often times leaves me feeling like I want to escape. How terrible is that? I have perfect guy and I want to flee and I cant determine why. This west coast beau is willing to sell his home and move to Texas in order to have a solid future with me. He has one adult child and is financially secure with ability travel with me and live anywhere.

To complicate things, I met another equally wonderful man recently and am now dating both of them. I have been honest with each to set the expectation that I am dating others and that I am not sure of exactly what I want. Beau number two is a local celebrity and adored by everyone including me. He is handsome, secure and comes across as worlds perfect Dad. He has four children and he is Jewish. My background is Christianity and our faiths don't seem to be an issue as we both embrace differences. He is also based in the same town as I am. I find myself always making my way to spend time with he and his children. We have not known each other as long as have not spent as much time together. We seem to have a strong physical attraction and presence toward each other....I am not typically affectionate but for the first time in my life with this man, I find myself reaching for him, snuggling and just wanting to be as close to him as possible. I have no real concerns with his personality. His children have accepted me and I find all of them to be precious beyond words. My Jewish beau is tapped financially, has career that could end up moving us anywhere and due to the children is not able to travel and has little extra time.

My struggle is that I realize I need to step forward with one of these guys and they both are so amazing and lovely I am having a difficult time deciding. I change my mind from day to day. The last thing I want to do is hurt anyone. Hoping I can get some additional insight from others to help me move forward with a decision.

Bless you all and thank you for anything you can offer up to help me decide.

This is one of those questions where it would not be right to make a choice for you. Instead our best help is that of someone on the outside looking in hopefully giving you a clearer picture of what you see and what you may want.

Lets start with the cons' side of what I see. Being financially tapped can be as emotionally draining on you and him as being with someone that is somewhat insecure and reserved. Solutions to look for if possible. Which will be easier to correct. Why is Beau number two financially tapped. Is it because he has child care payment s to make and is this the reason why he cannot get ahead financially. This is something you need to find out for if you were to marry would his ex haul him back into court for more child support based on the fact that you are able to support him, therefore he can afford more child support. In some states this can happen.

LDR's are hard to maintain and establish a truly loving relationship. If you were to select Beau number one do you think a more conventional relationship, one where you are together more would bring him out of his shell and make him more secure in himself. They say opposites attract and this is not a bad thing and may be just what you need for a successful marriage. I believe you can put his looking like someone else behind you once you establish a better relationship with him.

The fact is that the longer you keep these two on the hook one of them is going to be hurt when you make your selection so the sooner in this case will be the cause for less hurt to one of them.

You first have to take a good look at what is not a good fit such as what I've pointed out. After deciding if you can fix it or live with it, you will be able to take their individual good points and decide which of these two are the best fit for you. This is something only you alone can decide.


How much would it cost for medicine and a dermatologist to treat acne?

This is a really hard question to answer as the cost for any treatment is based on what is called 'REASONABLE AND CUSTOMARY." Meaning what is reasonable and Customary for the area you live in.

I live on the East Coast very close the Nation’s Capital. Reasonable and Customary costs here are extremely high. What I might be charged for what you are asking about will be much higher than say someone in Idaho Falls Idaho.

Now if you have health insurance or you are covered under your parents’ policy. Which under Obama care everyone should have Health Insurance or pay a tax penalty. Acne and many dermatology treatments would be a covered expense. The medication would be covered under the pharmacy policy if you have that as part of the coverage.

If you don't have insurance or you or your parents have what is called cafeteria or a form of deferred payment savings insurance plan. You are in essence paying as you go and in a sense uninsured; although these funds can only be used for medical purposes.

Talk to the doctor or his practices office manager or financial manager. For patients who are not dealing with insurance companies the doctors may be willing to offer you the same reasonable and customary fee or their contractual fee they accept from the insurance company they accept payment from. You need to talk to them and explain to them what you can and cannot afford.


Here the past few year I have noticed me getting more impatient, stressed and short tempered with a lot of people. And its not just people its messing with some things as well. The best way I have found to relieve a little stress is to jump in my truck of suv hit the country road and just haul ass. Bad thing is if I get too aggravated cause of someone holding me up or doing something stupid to hold everybody up I might black out. Well in July and August I really felt myself getting more stressed and impatient and also had a weird feeling that I was going to have a wreck if I don't find an alternate way to relieve my stress. Sure enough in August I was heading to work got behind a car going 10 to 15 under the speed limit got pissed off, blacked out and boom wrecked the trailblazer I had just got in June. I didn't have collision on it so of course had to pay out of pocket. Here recently I have noticed I am getting more and more of an attitude at work just cause I am getting aggravated there. I been trying to figure out something else to do to relieve some stress but have no idea on what to do. Especially me being the home body type. I don't smoke or drink to top all that off. So I was wondering if anybody might have any ideas on something hands on I might can try doing at home to calm myself down before I end up in another situation like I was in earlier this year?

There may be a physical reason you are blacking out and stress is just the trigger. You should really see your doctor to see if there is something besides the stress as stress alone should not cause blackouts.

I would suggest a complete physical by your family doctor. a neurological work up by a neurosurgeon to rule out a brain tumor. Then seeking the help of a psychologist to help with stress relief is nothing physical is found to be wrong.

A healthy sex life is a good stress reliever though this requires a willing partner. Exercise as in running, jogging or joining a Gym and working out regularly is also a good way to relieve stress. My wife's company has a small gym as well as a small locker and shower room for those that want to workout before or after work or during their lunch hour. Does your company offer this. IF not you might suggest it if you or company is a high stress environment.

Then there are things such as hunting, fishing camping, hiking, cooking, baking almost anything that is relaxing and takes you mind off what is causing you stress. My dad use to remodel the house when he was stressed out. My sister and I use to tease that when mom would take us out for the day a new window or wall would show up when we returned. One weekend mom took us to my grandparents and when we returned there was a whole new kitchen. Everyone has their own way of relaxing.

Before you find the relaxation that works for you please see your doctor and have a complete physical including an MRI or CT scan of your head to rule out any tumor.


Been with my fiance 3 years now his daughter just turned 4. We are very happy and his ex simply can't have that. A few months ago she decided I can't be along around her daughter because she simply cannot trust me. I wasn't aloud to help my fiance with things only parents should do IE, making his daughter dinner, helping with baths, putting her to bed. Even though she let her boyfriend do these things I was simply not allowed to. She even went as far as taking his daughter on our week and not telling us where she was when I refused to be her best friend.
I tried explaining to her that being best friends was simply too complicated given the situation but all she heard was "NO" which sparked many issues.

I give distance between her daughter and I as to not threaten her position but she feels threatened by any actions.

Recently she has been asking me to take their daughter randomly throughout the week for no reason. Not even texting my fiance to ask. She does this last minute and has me waiting around to hear back from her. I find this hypocritical after she refused to let me even be alone with her. But it is okay for me to do these things if it is convenient for her.

We have a mutual friend who recently returned home from abroad and she has used her kindness as a pawn to force me into somethi I don't want. Lately she texts me and asks for us all to hang out or if our mutual friend is at my house she tries to invite herself over.

Recently she set up a girls day behind my back. This included me, our mutual friend, my fiance's aunt, her, and their daughter. She planned this and then asked me.

I said no to this and she got very angry. She still had her girl date but without me which is fine. However afterwords pictures were posted on Facebook and her and my fiance's aunt were putting passive aggressive comments tagging me in them. Basically hounding me for not coming with them which made me feel bad and even made me feel like they were speaking negatively about me during this outing.
Later she texted me asking me to once again take her daughter for a few hours. She had me wait around for 3 hours only to text me the last second and say she changed her mind.

My question is, how do I gain control of this situation, I feel like she is trying to drowned me, I don't want to say or do anything that might negatively impact our custody battle and cause unneeded drama. How do I deal with someone who wants to make me their best friend and if she can't have that her worst enemy? I'm confused and don't know what to say or how to stand up for myself in a manner that won't have a negative effect
She is a very hard person to get along with and will be angry if she doesn't get what she wants....

Please help!
A desperate future step mom.

Talk about being between a rock and a hard place. You're damned if you do a damned if you don't.

The ongoing custody battle is in my eyes the root of the problem. Until that is settled she is going to do everything possible to prove you a bad person or bad parent. This includes all these last minute things and the attempts to spark a friendship. To me she is being very calculating.

What I suggest and you need to discuss this with your fiancé before doing so is this. Sit down and write her a letter, not a text message. Make copies of the letter for your fiancé, his attorney and for hers.

In this letter spell out that until the custody battle is over and you and your fiancé are married these are the things you can do to assist both of them with the care of the little girl. Tell her that you understand that emergencies sometimes happen and when they do you will, if you can step into help. Things such as picking her up from school, daycare, taking her to a doctors appointment and so on. She needs to understand that you are not always going to be available when she needs you and should have backup plans for when this happens.

You should or could also tell her that once you and your fiancé are married and the custody battle is completed. It would be nice if a friendship between all of you could happen if for no other reason than the benefit of the child. Until then you feel it is better for all if a proper distance is kept between you as there are bound to be hurt feelings by one of the parties when the custody battle is settled. To compound these feeling with the possible loss of a budding friendship does not have to compound the problem.

You should finish your letter with that the main concern of all of you should be the child as she is the innocent in this. You will always try to be there for her. Emergencies can be limited with proper planning. With proper planning and notification you can adjust your schedule to do things with and for the child when she or the father are not available. She needs to understand that you too have commitments that you need to honor and with proper planning you all can be there for the little girl.

This is how you take back control. Make sure to CC: at the bottom to show that copies of this letter are going to the lawyers. The reason for sending them to the lawyers is to show that you are not unwilling to help parent the child. That you are being the reasonable one and that she is making unreasonable demands to prove you unfit to parent her child. You can add in the letter some of the things she has done that in light of a court room would make you look unfit. Explained in this form she looks to be the calculating person she is.

Of course before you mail the letter you let your fiancé's attorney look at it first.


I'm a female 20 yrs of age and I'm in a need of advice asap it goes like this so I have a guy in the group of male friends I have we've all been around each other for 5 yrs + I always had a major crush but this guy seemed shy and guarded well recently the guard seems 75% down, I think I messed up though we've already become intimate and I thought I wouldn't catch feelings but I am. My main question is how do I get him to want to be more serious with me I think there could be something more, he said tonight that he isn't ready to take it to another notch so soon ( as we've only really begun a flirty \intimate relationship he comes over to my house almost every night to see my roommate his guy best friend and we always end up flirting all night and sleeping together I wake up to him being all cuddly and sweet but I just don't know what I am doing here I'm lost and would love some advice please I really think this guy is something special for some reason I'm pretty stuck on it ...

There is an old saying among men about buying the cow if they are getting the milk for free. You are being intimate with him which I assume means that sex is happening between you two. Why should he take things to the next level if he is getting the sex and he really didn't need to go to the first level to get it? In other words he got the milk without even having to go to the store. This is where you may have messed up with him.

You can: 1) Continue the relationship you have with him now and hope he changes how he feels and falls in love with you. 2) Change your relationship and not sleep with him until he is ready to make a commitment to the relationship.

When I say; "In other words he got the milk without even having to go to the store." I mean you two have not been on a real date. He comes over your place to see your roommate. You flirt with him and then you go to bed together. You really do not have the loving relationship with this man. What you have is more of a "Friends with Benefits" relationship if I have read you note correctly.

You have to get him to start at the beginning before you can ask him to take the next step you are looking for. You to need to go on some real dates and find out more about each other to see if there is a loving relationship there. He needs to commit to you before being allowed back in your bed. That commitment is to a long term relations ship that hopefully leads to where you’re looking for it to go.


Me and my best friends. Been friends since 9th grade she is the girl who actually said hi to me when i was too shy to talk to anyone. She "was" alway there for me when you know, if my clothes were too big or if my makeup didn't look right of if people were talking about me she would tell me and "had" my back and tell me , "well you need to change. How you do this... , since we hit the 11th grade things changed, sometimes when she look bored or mad or whatever i go to her ad she would not wanna. Talk to me or just nodded her head . But when i leave and give her space she just sit there and when someone else comes to her oh she laughing and jolly what soo ever. Also when ppl made rumors about me she didn't have my back. For example:
Her: i heard you were actin and dressing like a hoe is it true just let me know .
The first thing that is wrong with that question is that how rude can you be? First im a lady
Not a hoe i dont dress nor act like one.
She on the other had has tits like a steriod water
Melons and show her tits off then complain how guys are looking at her tits. And me on the other hand is quiet and dress nicely society think that nasty but with her society find it to be normal. Also when i used to go to the cafe she never paid attention to me so i go stay in a teacher class room only time we hang out is when she feel like dealing with me in the gym. I talked with my therapist and she said im giving her too much power im just so confused is she giving me a sign or what

I don't really have a good answer for this question as I would need to know both of you to give you an answer that would make some sort of sense. What I think may have happened is someone said something to her that has caused her to feel differently about you.

This is a very big "if," for once again I would have to be among your classmates to know exactly if this is what has happened. If people are talking about you behind your back to her; it seems logical to me they may say something to her that would cause her to change her feelings about you. I've seen it happen and it has happened to me when I was your age. It is not right but childish children do this to prove they are superior to one another.

What to do about this. You can try talking to her about this. Go to her and say to her something like this. You have been my best friend, if I have done anything to hurt you I apologize for doing so. Please tell me what I have done or may have said that I am not aware of so I can apologize properly to you.

Now it is up to her to tell you whatever it is that has caused her to be this way. If it is something someone said you have said about her you must understand that whatever was said was something she believes you could say or a secret you may have told. It is not if you did it is if she believes you did based on what she was told. Perception is real and this is going to be hard to overcome. Ask her who told her these things and work from there. Remind her how much this person has tried to herm your relationship with her.

You also have to be prepared to accept the fact that at this time she might not be willing to repair the relationship. If so you have to be the bigger person here. You say to her; I know you're hurt and I am truly sorry for that. I never said anything behind your back that I would not say to your dace. I value your friendship and I miss being friends. I will always be here for you should you want to be friends again.

Understand one other thing. High school friends are just that, high school friend. In about a year and a half you will finish with high school and go off to college. The friends you have made during your primary school years will all but vanish as you all go your separate ways. Right now your friendships are based on the combined interest of school, home and the social lives that go with it. When you go off to college those interest are going to change also based in part on your course of study and the schools you chose to attend. When you are home the friends of your school years are not going to be as close as they once where because that common interest has changed.

In short what I am saying is don't be too upset if she does not want to befriends' again. For it is not that long until your friend and you will go off in different directions and the friendship will wane in the process.


Very difficult situation here.

I have a boyfriend of two years. I love him so much, he is the world to me.
About two months ago I cheated on him, while very drunk. I kissed a boy I'm in college with. Not for long but it was still unacceptable. Then later on that night, I ran into a male friend of mine (who is 100% gay) and kissed him for about two seconds, in jest. Naturally I felt awful.
I told him about the first kiss straight away, because I thought it was important to. He was mad and we had a rough time but he said it was ok because I told him about it.
At the time, I did not think the kiss with the gay friend was important. it has since started to eat me alive. And I don't know if I should say anything or stay quiet/
I think honesty is very important but on the other hand I don't want to hurt him more, over something stupid. Also, I think it makes it look like I will continue to cheat on him when I know I will not. I feel horrific, and I know I'm not deserving of this guy, but I really need some help.

Thanks. (Im 20 by the way)

In my mind kissing does not fall under the heading of cheating. It falls more under the heading of a handshake in our society. If it didn't I would have ruined my marriage a long time ago. It may also depend on the type of kiss and where that kiss leads to before you move it under the heading of cheating.

I have worked for many years in sales to the Lighting and Design Industry. The Sales Consultants in this Industry are mainly female and work in Lighting Showrooms. Many are married and many are not. My job was not only to sell my product to the Showroom but to teach and aid the Consultants in how best to use my products in their design. This meant working closely with them. You grow close to people after a while and it was not unusual to be greeted with a hug and a kiss or to be sent off with a hug and a kiss. This is not cheating, this is just two close friends being friends.

Kissing someone when drunk is not cheating as your inhibitions are down. You did something that was totally out of character for you and it did not lead to a bedroom where if it had that would be cheating. The kiss with the gay friend drunk or not would be and should be acceptable because he is a friend. He is a friend a kiss from a woman would not be unacceptable to him and may even be desired to show that you accept him as he is.

A hug and a kiss on the lips with a close friend is not cheating. Doing something as innocuous kissing someone especially while drunk does not in my book add up to cheating.


Is it worth sacrificing your dream career for the sake of your boyfriend?
Hi, am a girl and i've done m.sc in molecular anthropology from a university far from my home.and during my graduation my bf came to the place from where I was pursuing my b.sc.he had a career placement option in a good city but he came to me for the sake of our relationship.though I didn't tell or force him to come or I haven't even influenced him.but when I got a better chance in that univ for m.sc, I just went their.my bf got hurt n he stopped trusting me n what I used to say about our future together.n he go back to his home cause he couldn't find a suitable job there.now I am back to him and he has gone to a remote place where there is no job option and university from where I can pursue my PhD.whereas I got a chance in my previous university.now he doesn't want me to go there and telling me to become a school teacher instead.and if I go he'll break up with me.what should I do?i love him so much.i already have lived 2years far from him, lonely and insecured and our relationship was at the verge of break up.

Dragonfly magic is on the right track in what she has written. Marriage is a 50/50 proposition a shared life together. You both have to share the pleasures and the sacrifices together.

At the moment it is a one way street from what you have written. He has found a job in a remote area that does not allow for you to pursue the career you have prepared for or to continue your education. His answer to the problem; get a teaching position.

First question: Would you be happy teaching. Don't be concerned that you are not prepared for a teaching position. My niece was not prepared when she decided to teach but like you she had a Masters Degree and the school system was very pleased to have her. They helped her get her teaching credentials over the summer and then she started as a teacher in the fall.

Second Question: Would you find teaching fulfilling.

If the answer to these questions are no, then there is a problem. No relationship is going to survive a situation in which one partner is making all the sacrifices. You are in love now but will love alone be fulfilling; this is the question you have to ask yourself.

We cannot and should not tell you to stay or to go. This is something you have to decide for yourself. What I can advice is that you sit down with the BF and talk to him. You do not say what it is he does for a living. IF it is something that can only be done in remote places then is it possible for him to find a job closer to where you can go to for PHD and find work in your field. Is he even willing to try or is this where he plans to make his career? Based on his answers you will know what you have to do. You may not like the result but at least you will know what direction you need to go in.



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