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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

Hey, I'm not really good at anything. I don't know what course should I take. I'm thinking of taking up Engineering but I'm not really good at Math. I want to be successful and I really want to travel the world. What should I do? Send help :xx I really feel pressured. :

Don't waste your money going to a four year school. Start by going to you local Community College to get the prerequisite courses done. The admissions counselor will help you select courses which are the basic courses for most field of studies.

Not only will you save money you will also mature during these two years and give you time to decide what field you want to follow. Once you decide the school will help you transfer to a four year school to complete your education.

Another option is to do as my son did which was to join the military. They, after extensive testing trained him to be a refrigeration Tech. The Army also taught him how to learn for he graduated AIT as the honor grad a complete turn around for someone who barely graduated high school.

29/f. I feel like I need to give a backstory, so I apologize in advance if this gets to be a little bit long. I began dating my current boyfriend, Steve, when I was abut 22 years old, give or take. Growing up, my mom and I were close. But, as soon as I became an adult, she started to abuse me horrifically. It seemed that all along, she just wanted me under her thumb and once she saw that I was establishing my own life as an adult, she couldn't accept it... including a more serious relationship. I started to realize, slowly but surely, that we were never really "friends." I was just a puppet.

So, she encouraged me to break up with him for various reasons and red flags that she believed I had missed. I believed that she was insane and just didn't want me to be with him due to her abusive nature. In fact, when I told her I didn't want to break up with him, she abused me constantly. At this point, I couldn't afford to move out of her house because she drained my bank accounts and ruined my credit and I was in college. One day,I believe she would have killed me if it wouldn't have been for immediate intervention from a witness. But of course, she will deny that all this happened. Steve was aware of the abuse. But, he was also comfortable living rent-free at his parent's home. I couldn't move out at this point, on my own, because my credit had been ruined.

At this point, a few years ago, I decided to keep my relationship a secret from her entirely. I felt that I had to, for my own safety. I really believed that she would kill me if she knew I was still dating him. Eventually, I was able to move into my own apartment. It was then that I was able to see some major red flags. Sexual encounters between us typically included some rough play. But, it started to get to a point that worried me. I was bruised and bleeding and it often ended with me in tears. He ghosts me constantly. Goes missing without a trace and then comes back and makes scenes in public places if he disagrees with me about something.

To be honest, when he ghosted me, I really thought it was over, especially after the scene he made at a restaurant the previous week. I had a horrible anxiety attack during this time and my best friend took me out, we had fun, we had a few drinks, and we went out dancing.

When we out dancing, I met Josh. We talked and this opened my eyes to the fact that not every guy is like this. Not every guy is some abusive, horrible, demeaning, mean human being. I really believe that my mother groomed me for abuse, making me totally blind to his abusive tendencies from the beginning. The red flags were there. She was right. But, it doesn't mean that she was looking out for my best interest. But, it seemed like these wires got crossed and I thought that I had to choose one of these abusive people. I felt that if I broke up with him, I was choosing her and admitting she was a phenomenal mother. If I chose him, I would be admitting that she was wrong. Now, I'm seeing so clearly that they were BOTH wrong. They have both done really horrible things. None of them are in the right.

So, I would really like to allow Josh to take me out. But, I'm deathly afraid of breaking up with Steve. It feels like I can't do it. I'm not afraid of not being with him. I'm not quite sure why I feel so afraid to just pull the plug. If he had another outburst or hit me again, I feel like I could leave. But, to just pull the plug is really difficult. I'm really not sexually attracted to Steve because the sexual "intimacy" has been too violent, leaving me almost afraid of anything sexual. I feel that he's really mean to me. I don't feel beautiful around him at all. I realize that I've felt undeserving of love this entire time and it's like something snapped and I know I deserve better now. Almost like I was under a spell.

What am I so afraid of? Advice is appreciated.

Drop Steve and if you feel doings so will cause you harm or place you in danger get a restraining order. This order will put him in jail if he comes with in a certain distance of you. You you both some home be in the sameplace, such as a restaurant, he has to leave.

Next call the credit companies and explain it was you mom not you that ruined your credit. Usually bad reports are expunged after 7 years. Being you are 29 now you should be able to rebuild you credit without trying to correct the past. This is assuming mom can no longer access you bank account(s) or your credit card.

One thing you should correct is if mom forged your signature on any credit accounts or lones. Doing so would require you to press charges against y our mom. IF she is still raiding your bank account and credit cards the threat that you would do so if she doesn't stop may be enough to cut these strings.

Besides for that we only dated a month and he was already asking

Guys today expect sex on the first date. Most don't get it but they keep trying. I dont know what to say about why he walked away. Screw him, figuratively, follow my original advice.

I am a virgin because I just haven't found the right guy to give it to. I don't want to give it away to just anybody and then regret it.

I admire the strength of your convictions though I will say that you are missing out on a lot of fun. You don't have to marry the guy to have sex with him you just need to trust him and enjoy being with him.

I am a 31 years old female and I just got dumped because I am a virgin . Is there something wrong with me ?

It is a bit unusual to find a 31 year old virgin. Is there something wrong with you; not to my way of thinking. Provided you remain a virgin for religious or personal convictions and not because you are afraid to have sex.

There are also two types of virgins to my way of thinking. There is the true virgin who will not have any type of sexual relations. The other is someone who will who will just not have seual intercourse. If you are a true virgin I can understand some guy walking away if you were not honest with him about your sexual belief.

If you want to find someone who like you is a virgin for similar reasons of conviction. Then I suggest you go to the Catholic dating sight. I do not believe you need to be a Catholic to join the site and find someone who you can make a life with and appreciate your being a virgin.

How do I go about telling him this? I thought it would be okay as long as mom agrees for me to go . if this is this is the case am I allowed to date at all

You call him or you and you tell him that you can't go out with him You tell him why just as I wrote you just as your mother has told you.

My name is Rachel and I am 30 years , but my no still has custody of me because I have disabilities and I am considered having the mind of a 12 year old. Well I have been talking to this guy for 2 weeks that I met on plenty of fish . He wants to go out for coffee this Saturday. So I told my mom about it and asked if I could go ? She wanted to know hold the guy was was and I told her he is 40. She asked where were going. I told her to Cafe Euro which is the pool coffee shop. She asked if I told him about my disability and I said no. She wants me to tell him about my disability because she says the laws would still be the same same as I would be child . Is this true ? Does he need to know I am more like a 12 year old than a 30 year old? She said I can go ,but she also wants my stepdad to pick me up and drop me off. Does this seem reasonable or is my mom being unreasonable and over protective?

Your mom is right he
Need's to knowp for he Could be arrested for something called statutory rape just being with you.

Last year I got out of a super narcissistically abusive relationship, It was one of the hardest things I have ever been through and I told myself I wouldn’t date for a while. During my healing process I met someone else who’s been super good to me. I opened up about my past traumas and he was beyond understanding and patient with me, he made It clear that he liked me, but I told him I wanted to take It slow and get to know him more before we got into a relationship. He was understanding and still took me on nice get aways, showed up on my doorstep with flowers and cute notes, took me on cute dates, and complimented tf outta me. He did everything my ex didn’t do. Finally after a while, I agreed to be his girlfriend everything has been great except for the fact that he has a TON of female friends, all of them are very attractive and he talks to them on a daily basis. My feelings are starting to progress for him and I can’t help but be uncomfortable with it. Some of these friends are in relationships, others are single, a lot of them are bartenders that he met when he was single. I’ve met a vast majority of his female friends, but some of them give me a vibe that they wouldn’t care if he’s in a relationship. Everytime I get on Instagram he’s liking other women’s photos. I’ve cried to him about how uncomfortable this makes me, he tells me he understands and i have nothing to worry about. He even deleted his Instagram app, but downloaded It again 4 days later and is back to liking every girls photo again. I have been cheated on in my past and I can’t help but feel like it’s gonna happen again. Besides him being super friendly with other women he’s perfect to me and I’m confused about It. I’m trying to convince myself that these women really are just friends, but my gut is telling me otherwise especially when these women talk to him as much as I do. Everytime we go out to eat he’s requesting female waiters that he knows to serve us, literally every restaurant we go to it’s like this. My family has met him and they’re in love with him every time I talk to them about this they tell me “I don’t think he’s gonna cheat on you” but I can’t help but have my guard up. I care about him so much and i don’t want to lose him I’m just at a loss at what to do, I’ve already talked about It and I feel crazy every time I do. Am I just being insecure? Am I letting what I have been through in my past control me too much? Should I be okay with all these female friends or is this feeling of jealousy normal? Can a straight man really be JUST friends with that many females and not want more? HELP

I believe your past relationship is playing a role in your thought process about him. Like you current BF I too had a lot of girl friends when I met my wife. I dated none of them as many where co-workers. When we married my wife said to me, "You can look at the menu but if you ever sample I will cut something of very importance off you" That was 48 years ago and while I have looked I have never sampled and the only bed I've shared is with my wife.

Not all men cheat and not all women take lovers. Most men and women do like to admire the other sex and have friend, close friends of the opposite sex. This does not mean they are not committed to the relationship they are in or that the would cheat on their partner.

My suggestion is to find a good psychologist and talk with them and bring some closer to your past relationship. Without talk therapy to finalize and move on you will always have your doubts about any relationship.

I am a 30 year old female and have no idea what to get my mom for mothers day and its this Sunday. My mom has eczema so bath stuff that smells good is out.my mom is also has to use a wheel chair due to an illness that makes it hard for her to walk long periods of time so taking her to a buffet is out of the question. I got her a plant for her birthday which was April 23rd so I don't want to go that route. Please help.

Just because mom is in a wheel chair does not mean you can't take her out for a nice dinner. All restaurants can accommodate someone in a wheel chair. Many of the chain Steakhouse are as economical as some Buffet Restaurants. If you go to an upscale restaurant you can most likely reserve a table at a time convenient to you and advise then you need to accomodate a wheel chair. Many restaurants in my area offer a Pre Fixed menu at economical prices.

Pf the above is not doable maybe a nice blouse or nightgown.

My wife was a slut and I want every one to know but I don't want her to know it came from me I want to shame her. But I want to keep her as my wife.

I do not recommend doing this. It appears this is something from her past and is no longer relevant. You do not say how you come to know this. Is this first hand information or did some ex boyfriend say something to you? What ever the reason she will know it came from you or she will find out you started whatever is said.

If this bothers you then I suggest you speak to your wife and clear the air between you. In this day and age it is not unusual for a woman to have a sexual history just as you may have had one. Clear the air iver this and if necessary seek counseling.

Last week, I attempted to open a business checking account with a local bank. I was informed that another bank had in some fashion frozen my ability to do so over a claimed debt of ~$200 USD. While I had once (over 10 years ago) had an account with this other bank, and never closed it, I have not used it in over 10 years. I never once received any communication from this bank that there was a problem. I contacted this bank & was told that the debt was in their computer, but they didn't have any information on the debt, only that their computer says it exists. IF I owe this money, fine, but without any information or proof of the legitimacy of the debt, I have a problem with it. If it's legitimate, it seems they should be able to provide information on it. I told them I wished to formally dispute the legitimacy of the debt. They're assuring me that it's legitimate, are refusing to investigate or provide proof because they can't, they've "upgraded their software, and the new platform doesn't have the information from the old one". Well, my computer says they owe me $20 million... anyone with a legal background have advice on how to dispute this claimed debt when the bank making the claim refuses to cooperate?

I agree with Dragonflymagic concerning the fees adding up. What I think you should do though is after take them to small claims court and subpoena the bank records for the account. If they fail to supply the records the judge will order the account closed and any freeze they have inplace removed. You sue for $200 compensatory and what ever amount you think is proper for punitive damages up to but $1.00 short of the maximum amount for small claims court in your state.

Where I live the law on collections is that after two years without contact you are no longer legally responsible for that debt. You may want to find out what the law is in you state.

Should i break up my 7 year marriage?
My husband is a gambler and we are aleays broke
I recently met a man who is a widower and livling
with his sister i like him but I think it is too soon for him to move in,
Please help
I am 53 Gentlemen in question are 63
Thank you

I do not think it is proper for me to tell you to leave your marriage. This is a question only you can answer.

Did you know your husband was a gambler when you married him? If so then what has changed? If not then you have every right to consider leaving him. If you knew he was a gambler then you still have the tight to leave him but would'n it be better if you were able to convince him to join "Gambler Anonymous." You could tell him it is either Gambler Anonymous or your leaving him.

Gambling is an addiction and sometime they addicted needs to hit bottom before seeking help. Maybe the threat of loosing you is the bottom he needs to hit.

So I'm gonna make this quick. My mom keeps trying to force me to go to church. For reference, I'm 19 years old, in college, and live at home. I've been away from church from the past month mainly because I like just being home on the weekends, and catching up on homework, studying, sleep, or TV. My mom is trying to force me to go again. The only sold reason she can give me is that, people at church keep asking about me, and she can't keep lying for me. I never told her to. Me resting at home is the truth. I couldn't give two shits about people at church, they don't pay my tuition bill and neither does my mom. So as far as I'm concerned, I should be the one calling the shots. How do I get my mom to just leave me be? Thanks.

Your mom is worried about your sole which is her right. What is wrong is at 19 you are an adult and she cannot force you to do anything. She can ask you and most likely does repeatedly though doing so is not forcing it is nagging.

It is hard for some parents to cut the apron strings and realize there little one is now a full grown adult. In you moms eyes you will always be her little boy. Sit down with mom and explain to her your an adult now capable of making your own decisions. Tell her to tell her friends at church that the weekends are your only time to catch up with school work and sleep. If they can't accept that its not her fault. Tell her you will attend church with her when you have the time and that nagging or trying to force you is not helpful.

My sister uses my address for irs mailings without my permission, how can i get that changed as I do not have ss numbers and signatures for the 8822 IRS change of address form?

she doesn't live at my house nor should she be using my address for her personal documents and she doesn't live at my house nor did she ask me permission...I don't want to have anything to do with the IRS when it has nothing to do with me.....ive confronted her and she wont fill out the proper form .....I would need her and her spouses ss numbers and signatures...and they wont sign anything nor provide the ss numbers....

she came and picked up the letters but I still don't want the continuous mail coming to my home and she nor her spouse live at my home....that is her and her spouses IRS drama not mine....so my address shouldn't be on file for their mail..could I fill out the form minus the ss numbers and signature and write a note saying they don't live at my home and mail it to the IRS?

THe best advise I can give you is to call the IRS and ask for their help. The 1040 form is a legal document and while she can give a mailing address different from her residential address one must include their residential address on the filings.

The mailings from the IRS will include her and her spouses address. Opening one of these letters will provide you with the SS numbers you need.

Start with calling the IRS and telling them what is going on. I'm certain they will be able to help you and you won't have to open a letter not addressed to you.

Any tips on what to do about parents that don’t let me save money? Basically when I first got a job my bank account was joint with my mom, it was joint because she told me it’ll be easier for her to send money to my school. Little did I know it was a tactic, whenever I got paid from my job I didn’t know how much I was making because my mom had my debit card she said she wanted us to save money, so I thought. So basically as I was making the money my mom was taking out the money to pay the bills ultimately I finally caught her when we went to the bank together and the bank teller gave me the receipt and my balance was less than 100 dollars when I’ve been working for 30 hours a week. Anyways long story short I got my debit card from her and she stopped taking money. So this school year I had to stop working to focus on school and my parents said that they’ll give me an allowance to survive till school is over and then I’d have to get a job again. Long story short I basically spent my whole savings this year because my parents would either ask me for money or id have to spend it on personal expenses like public transportation so my whole savings is gone. It’s gotten to the point where my mom even asked to borrow my credit card knowing that I don’t have a job to pay it back. She told me she’ll pay it back but I already paid the whole thing with my savings because she still hasn’t (obviously I didn’t tell her I paid for it) Any tips on what to do? I made another bank account that’s not joint with my mom but she found a way to weasel her self to that account too (don’t ask). I don’t want to turn into a person that can’t save money but my parents are turning me into that

Yes there is away to Direct Deposit to your Savings account. As the Bank Manager for the proper form to give your employer

If you're over 18 you mom is not entitled to be on any bank account with you. If somehow your mom has gotten herself on to your account then close that account and open a new one at a different bank and do not tell her which bank it is.

You don't need a checking account if you have a debit card. As for paying your credit card you can do that at the bank. So what you really need for now is a savings account with a Debit card which along with your credit card you keep with you at all times.

When you start working again ask to have your check Direct Deposited. The less paper around the house the better.

I had a similar situation with where when I entered the Air Force my dad sold my car. He claimed the proceeds barely covered a bill form the service station which was wrong. Long story short I said if he ever stole money from me again I would sue him. YOu may have make the same pthreat and you are certainly entitled to do so as you are no longer a minor and your parents have no say over your finances or other things in life including medical records.

I was discharged from work 3.5 weeks ago and I get paid weekly...for some reason I hadn't received my final paycheck as law states, I should've received it the following week after my discharge....welp, I called my office three times and left vms concerning this issue.. and no one called me back....so today I called corporate and filed a lost check/never received form and informed the office that the site I worked at is very unprofessional as to not returning my phone calls concerning my paycheck/money that I earned....lo and behold after nearly a month goes by my check is in the mail today...was I wrong for informing corporate of the issue or should I have waited even longer??

You did the right thing. Corporate isn't always aware of what is happening off site from them. For what ever reasons the site you worked at had they were wrong for not sending your final check.

You had two choices the first being to inform corporate. The second was to file a complaint with your states wages and hours board. Had you gone the second route the company could have bee fines for not paying you promptly.

FYI: You are entitled to interest on the lay payment. It probably doesn't amount to much though it is required by law in most states.

if a guy cum in you does that means he cares for you or starting to catch feelings

I male ejaculating in you has nothing to do with his feeling for you. Ejaculation has all to do with his satisfaction and nothing to do with the female.

IF this guy is a teenager his feeling for you are more lustful than love. Most teenage males confuse lust with love.

As to the subject of allowing a guy to com in you. You should be practicing safe sex and making the guy wear a condom, even if you are on the pill. Not only is the condom highly effective in preventing pregnancy it also protects against many STD's and the HIV/AID's virus.

I suggest in the future you demand he wear a condom or not sex.

My dentist says I need a bone graph after they remove a root from where a unstable crown was. I will be getting a partial for 3 front teeth and that space will be part of the partial. The root is healthy so why does it have to be removed?

I would have to hear the Dentists reason for doing so to understand and explain the why.You have two choices:

1: As the dentestist to explain to you why a healthy tooth must be extracted. Make sure you understand the reason why before you allow the extraction.

2: Get a second opinion from another dentists. Ask a friend or relative for a recommendation.

My suggestion is you get a second opinion. I once was told I need to have 6 teeth removed and a bridge made to take the place of the missing teeth. Before they could be removed my employer changed insurance companies. I had to find a dentist who took the new insurance. When I found him his treatment plan was to fix 5 and remove one. Ten years later a second tooth was removed and replaced with an implant.

Not only did the second opinion save 4 teeth it also saved me about $3,000.

I know you guys aren’t psychiatrists so you can’t diagnose me but I’m just tired of fear controlling my life. I’m 20 years old and I have undiagnosed anxiety. Anyways whenever I go out I’m always on guard, watching my surroundings, if there’s a parked car while I’m walking I get instant fear of getting kidnapped, if I’m on the bus at night and it’s only myself and a guy, if he doesn’t get off the bus before me or if he gets off the same stop as me and walks behind me I start speed walking and usually call someone on the phone quick. I don’t really trust anyone because I feel like people will spread my secrets. I also think people are using me (I’m usually right though people take advantage of my niceness) and I also think people try to one-up me (I’m usually right about that too), sometimes I think people are trying to sabotage me as well so I’m suspicious of peoples intentions, or I think people judge me, I hold grudges a lot for example I was telling my siblings that I hate my voice because these boys in the 6th grade made fun of it and my siblings looked at me like I was crazy. I also don’t feel safe at home I always think someone is going to break in especially at night or when I’m home alone. The reason why I feel like this is because the crime rates in my city have gone up, human trafficking is a big problem in my city as well, when I was in the 6th grade a strange man did try to kidnap me by calling me over to get in his car and when I said no he decided to get out of his car and approach me, while I was playing outside luckily my neighbours mom was outside. Also someone has actually tried to break into my house before. Also my mom always requires me to call her every second to know where I am, I’m not allowed to be out passed 12am. So with all these events happening and my mom putting constant worry in me. I feel like fear is controlling my life any advice?

THe first thing you need to do is to tell your mother that at 20 years of age you are an adult, that she does not have any legal standing as to your wellbeing, the hours you keep, where you go or anything else. In other words she can no longer tell you what you may and may not do.

The next thing is to see your family doctor and be screened for depression and anxiety. Anxiety causes depression and depression cause pain which causes anxiety. I know this as I was once diagnosed with depression and I learned this in therapy.

Your family doctor, will if you are diagnosed with depression, prescribe medication. Take the medication and then find a psychiatrist Board Certified to properly medicate you. Your family doctor doesn't have the training to properly treat depression. Your not crazy most depression, called Clinical Depression, is caused by a lack of hormones secreted in to the brain. A Board Certified Psychiatrist is a medical doctor has done a Fellowship in Psychiatry and past the test required for entry into the College of Psychiatry.

The psychiatrist will treat you with medication and suggest a psychologist for talk therapy to get at the root cause of your depression. It will be hard work but if you work hard there is a light at the end of the tunnel and your depression will lift.

i have a lot of midterms and exams coming up and i can’t function well or manage my time and put out tasks (as usual) and i don’t think my friends want to be bothered by that they’re all too busy for this so i need help to organize my time and set out tasks and get them done because otherwise i’ll be very not okay and this is my last semester and i need to graduate:) with a good gpa

Not knowing how many exams you need to study for the only advice is as follows.

Start by dividing up the number of exams by the amount of time you have each day to study. Starting with your weakest subject give this subject a larger amount of time. Then the next subject will be the first exam(S) followed by the ones there after. As you take the exams give your expand your study time for the remaining exams.

Make sure you leave enough time to eat and to sleep at least 8 hours. You cannot do well on your exams if you haven't eaten properly or gotten a good nights rest.

Find away to destress as stress is not helpful.

Good luck

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