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I am a wife and a mother of three grown sons. I live in New York and am an equestrian. Most of my free time is spent riding and caring for my horses now that my sons are out of the house.

I give down to earth advice, as I tell it like I see it...and I've seen alot.
Gender: Female
Location: New York
Member Since: January 17, 2009
Answers: 281
Last Update: September 11, 2011
Visitors: 8706

I have known my boyfriend for about six months. Before going out, we talked constantly and got to know each other very well. He is pretty much my best friend. I fell pretty hard for him a month ago and I just like him a lot and now that we've been official for a good week now, I am pretty stoked. There is no doubt that I am in love. Thing is, I wanna tell him... But I feel like I will scare him away and it's too soon. He and I go well together but I don't wanna mess things up. What do you think? Is it acceptable to be in love with someone you've known for a while even if you've been dating a very short time? I really like him and I just wanna tell him everything but I am scared. (link)
I wouldn't tell him you love him. Guys need to feel like they've made a conquest. There needs to be an effort on his part to attain what he feels is worth attaining. If you let on that your in love with him, then there is no effort necessary on his part. He will probably lose interest. Guys are like that. It's quite natural to them. He will be more intrigued by you if you are not too available.

A few years ago I got married blah blah yeah. Well let me get straight to the point. In the mothers name area of the marriage license/certificate thing, I put the wrong name of my mother. It is not her real name that I put down (by accident) and I was wondering if it would still be valid. I'm not to worried about having to get remarried to this male as we are no longer together, but it is something I would like to know this way I can figure it out and see what all needs to be done with divorce or possible name change. The state that we married in was Iowa state. (link)
I'm sure your marriage is valid and if anyone is interested in drilling down to see if you put the correct name of your mother on the application, then you would just say you made a mistake. Some people outright lie on their license applications and nothing happens, even though that is perjury. Nevertheless, they are still married. I wouldn't give it a second thought.

I knew this guy(we'll call him Jake) for over a year. We had a off and on relationship. We fought alot but always got over it. He dated other girls and I dated other guys. When we weren't together he didn't push a relationship and I didn't either. He was one of my best friends.

I knew he really loved me, I just didn't do anything about it. So anyways, last August one of of my really good friends got us together and I fell haard for Jake.

We broke up about a month later, him claiming I had changed. We've barely talked and then Jake and one of my other friends got into a fight.

We haven't talked since then and its been about 6 months. I don't miss him as a boyfriend. I just miss my bestfriend so much.

Can anyone tell me what I should do? Please?
You could call him and explain how you feel. He will either accept or reject your offer to resume the relationship. You don't say how old you are. People DO change as they mature. It's a normal part of life, including personality change. If you don't change, then you've got a problem. He sounds like he wants your personality to remain status quo, but things can never remain status quo in life and those who cannot adjust are left behind. You can only reach out and see if he accepts it. If not, you need to move on in life knowing you gave him a chance to remain good friends. Some people want to remain 16 forever. Not pretty when your 50.

Is this a good workout plan? If not, how can I improve it?
-1 mile run in the morning
-30 minutes of athletics in school (it's intense)
-3 mile run in the evening
-crunches, lunges, planks, ankle raises, wall sits, push ups (how many reps should I do of each?)

I'm trying to train for volleyball season in the fall, and soccer season in the winter. Is this a good routine to do everyday? If I should mix it up, how do I do that? About how much time should I devote to exercising a day if I want to lose 65 pounds in 4 months? I'll also be dieting, too. But I don't consider it a diet because I want to develop good eating habits for life. Type 2 Diabetes runs in my family, and I definitely do not want to get it. I'm 17 years old, too.

I really want to get skinnier legs (especially in the thigh area) and arms. And develop endurance! I'm currently the worst runner on my volleyball team, and by the end of this summer I want to be the best. (link)
That routine is too intense if you also have school. Over the summer it may be fine, but I would attempt so much if your still going to classes/ You'll wear yourself out and give no time for your body to recuperate. Divide up your routine with a mile in the morning and 30 minutes of athletics on one day and the rest on another. Eat healthy and don't try to lose 65 pounds in 4 months. You can't do it unles you're on a starvation diet. That's 4 pounds a day! I think the more you concentrate on dieting, the worse it will be psychologically. People get food obsessed when they diet. Just eat lots of fruits and veggies and some protein everyday and cut out all snacks. If you must have a snack, limit your self to small portions. Endurance isn't developed by killing yourself with an insane routine. It's by gradually building up stamina over a period of time.

Ive been with my boyfriend for 4yrs already we have 2 kids together. He treats me like im a piece of garbage and i dont understand why I put up with it.
Im a smart person i got my AA and now im working on my teaching degree. Im the one that works and takes care of our kids while his lazy ass sits around and does nothing yet he has the nerve to call me nasty names to tell me im ugly, fat, and worthless... I know i deserve better i just had my son 2 months ago and im not fat i have a pouch but that will go away with some exercise im 5'4" and i weigh 155. I think im a beautiful person inside and outside. I just cant understand why he treats me the way he does I do everything for him. I go out of my way to try and keep him happy I even go to the extent of taking my kids in the mornings on my days off out to visit my mother or run errans just so he can sleep and not start insulting me.
I come from a great family my parents always helped eachother out and they would do anything for me. Its sad that even after all the things that he has said and done to me I still love him and Im trying to make it work between us. I love myself too I know im not ugly im a good person i just dont understand why he is such a nasty person and why i put up with it? (link)
I assume he doesn't work if he's sitting around on his lazy butt all day. Anyway, he doesn't respect himself because he isn't supporting his children and doesn't see himself going anywhere, therefore, he assumes you must be the bottom of the barrel because you chose him. In other words, he's asking, "What's wrong with her if she picked me." It's a self esteem issue.

That said, you aren't helping any by supporting him and the kids and demanding nothing of him. On top of it, you allow him to berate you! Do you have self esteem issues, too? If you have any self respect you would show him the door. Obviously, you don't need him because you're carrying the ball without him. You have required nothing of him, including marriage. Why pump out children with a man that hasn't married you?

Men respect women who respect themselves. If you had self respect you wouldn't tolerate any of this. You know what to do.

Earlier this year, a friend and I stopped in a small town convenient store. All I was wanting was a couple of taquitos that are under the heat lamps..long story short, after 2 backsurgerys, my back was hurting so I decided to go back to the car with the 2 food items while my friend stayed behind to wait in line and pay for our stuff..before I new it an employee ran out after me calling me a thief..I tried to explain that my friend was in the store paying for my items. Total was less than 4.00...PDF arrived...I explained what happened to the pd...they told me if I would admit to the crime they would just let me go and charges would be dropped..scared and not wanting to go to jail, stupidlkmy I admitted I took the item. Minutes later I was handcuffed, booked and jailed for 12 hours...I have NEVER been in trouble before & I'm 39yrs old. Not having money to hire a lawyer, I pleaded a pleea of no contes and fined this going to affect possible job oppurtunities? Is this going to show up on a background check? (link)
Go to this website....

Give the state where your from or where the incident occurred and ask your question.

There are many questions on this website, one of which may be similar to yours.

okay this guy i know moved to florida a couple of months ago. today we were chatting and catching up and he asked me to send him pics (just g rated pics!) to see how much ive changed over the months. everything was great. he was being really nice and cute....until he got the pics.... once he saw them he was like "oh wow, you did change... ok i gotta go bye." wtf? (link)
He's uncouth. Forget the creep.

is kind and type the same? (link)
Pretty much the same. Can be used interchangeably.

19/f. i have been best friends with this girl for 3 years. we've had our ups and downs. When we first became friends she would spread rumors about me and other people and i forgave her, but then she became a christian and started going to church, and i went with her and i liked it, but then i felt like she became overly religious to the point where she started shoving her beliefs down my throat. Like for example they think twilight is bad and so is harry potter because they talk about vampires and witches. She started believing what they tell her, and one day she came to my house and i was reading harry otter and she started saying it's dumb. Then there was another time when we were in my car, and i had a ganesh figurine in my car, he's a hindu god and she started saying oh what is that it looks weird, and started laughing and i was like why because it's not jesus? and i told her it was ganesh and i was really angry. she's so disrespectful and at church she either ignores me or she's extremely rude to me in front of our friends. like one weekend i was at her house with two other people from church and i went out of the room to get someone and i came back and was like ugh i don't get this movie and she was like well you would understand it if you weren't eating and paying attention. and i got mad and told her she's annoying and that's why no one likes her. and then the next weekend i was at my house and she was coming over and i had to watch this movie i needed to return and she was like why are you watching this movie it's bad, because they were making sexual references and saying bad words. and i was like you don't have to watch it so she went to my room, then came back and said the same thing and i told her i didn't care what she thought, and she said well if you didn't care what i think you wouldn't be telling me that. and i got so mad i thought i was going to punch her. and then she goes on my facebook and comments my status because i put jealousy is a disease get well soon beetch, and she was like wow, and i know her so when she says that she doesn't approve. and i texted her and told her and she was like yeah it's bad and i told her well it's my faceboook status and i'll put whatever i want. i mean i don't go on her facebook and comment on her statuses that are about jesus. she has no respect for me. then she has the nerve to text me and ask me if im still mad at her and i lied and said no because i didn't want to make a big issue of it, but then i told her that she hurts my feelings, and she said well we're both guilty of it so let's drop it. i don't know what i do wrong. she's the one who is so rude and then she says i don't care what you think i have jesus in my life blah blah blah. last week we went to the movies and saw a movie and i told her i couldn't spend the night so she asked me to ask my mom if she could spend the night at my house because i had a lot of homework, and i didn't ask because i'd figure my mom would say no. and then i called my mom after the move to ask but she didn't pickup so my friend said to just come over to her house with out telling my mom and i said no and then she keeps telling me to come over because she's too tired to come to my house so i said im going home and i was super mad. so i don't know what to do. i've tried to tell her how i feel but it's no good because she doesn't take responsibility for what she does and she's so selfish. what should i do? (link)
I would tell her that as a Christian she is a representative of Jesus and she is doing a poor job. Would Jesus treat you as she does? Leave it at that. If she doesn't change, then you need to move on because you know in your heart whether you're being bullied or not.

I think she means well when she talks about the things that are acceptable and unacceptable in Christianity because, as a believer, she needs to distinguish between the two and the behavior that leads up to it. It seems to be her delivery that needs adjusting. She is too abrupt and crude and I'm sure there is a degree of self absorption there. The next time she makes a demand of you or makes a demeaning comment tell her, "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. Would Jesus talk to me like that?"

I was a Christian for about three years prior to the religion I've chosen now. I was happy at first, excited and I felt something there for a second, but just a second. Then I felt like nothing was there, so I prayed, hoping I'd get some kind of response or at least the feeling of someone's presence, but I didn't feel anything. I kept praying anyway and concentrating and doing my best for three years, but I gave up. It shouldn't take three years for someone to at least say hi or something. So I gave up on it and transfered to a different religion.
Don't beat me with a stick or anything, please, but I did some searching around and I found one that interested me. It was a TYPE of Satanism, not 'devil hates God, eats souls' or anything silly like that. It was more focused on improving your skills and giving you comfort in times to distress. I liked the idea that they put out saying that after death, you could be reincarnated. (I have a very, very serious fear of dying, particularly dying at an old age)
I was pretty content with this religion and stuck by it for about several months. I actually felt like someone was there for me when I was knocked down, but recently, I feel like there's nothing there and I even thought about converting back to Christianity, but I immediately remembered what it was like before, so I shook the thought away. Religion is just really complicated for me and I don't know if maybe I should just lose faith in any religion altogether or if I should stick with the one that made me feel more comfortable, or what... Anyone know what I should do? (link)
God's "hi" is through His word. Jesus IS The Word. You must read and study the bible to know God. Prayer and the Word will bring you into a relationship with God. Sometimes He does talk to us in supernatural ways, but most often he talks to us through His Word (Jesus). The scriptures tells us a curious thing..."The Word is ALIVE and ACTIVE and sharper than any two edged sword..." How can the scripture be alive and active? It's just words on paper, right? On the contrary, Jesus is the Word and therefore, the scriptures themselves are alive!

I would advise you not to search for supernatural signs and wonders. Pray daily and sincerely from your heart and read the bible. Ask God to reveal the truth to you, if, indeed you want the truth. If you sincerely want the truth, I have no doubt that He will show you the truth as Jesus is "the Way, the Truth and the Life..."

As for your dabbling in Satanism, there is no distinction between evil Satanism and benign Satanism. If it steers you away from the Truth, it is evil and dangerous and you would do well to repent and ask God's forgiveness. Reincarnation is in direct contradiction to Christianity. Reincarnation assumes you can save yourself, even though you never know who or what you were in past lives, therefore you can never correct your behavior, which is a gross injustice. Christianity assumes you cannot save yourself and that Jesus had to come and die for you because someone had to pay the price of your sin on this earth. There was an outstanding debt that needed to be paid and Jesus paid with His life on the cross. Just imagine a sign hanging over Jesus' head while He hung there dead on the cross and the sign has YOUR name on it and a list of all the wrongs you've ever committed and will commit in the future, and the sign is stamped "Paid in Full". This is christianity. It is not a religion. Religion is what man says about God. Revelation is what God says about Himself. Revelation is what you get when you pray and study the bible.

Don't complicate the issue by trying so hard to hear or see supernatural things. God's way is easy and His load is light.

My mom is doing this diet where she doesn't eat the yellow parts of eggs in the morning. I THINK they're called yolk or yok or yoke. Something like that. So, she doesn't eat those because she said they're unhealthy. Why is it bad to eat that yellow part of the egg? How is that unhealthy? (link)
The yolk is not unhealthy. People fear cholesterol so they avoid anything with Cholestrol is vital to a healthy body. Every cell in the body needs it and the brain is bathed in it. As a matter of fact, without it, you'd be dead.

Cholesterol is natures bandaid that forms around a tear in the arteries of the heart. Without it, the arteries would leak. The problem comes when people who have a tear in the artery do not address the tear. The cholesterol builds up around the tear and then clog the artery. Therefore, people assume cholesterol is bad because it causes clogged arteries. Instead, they should address the tear in the artery.

I have decided I'd like to end my life. I have been without a job for 6 months and no longer have funds left. Nobody can help me and I feel that I am just wasting space at this time. There are no jobs available for me. I feel pathetic and alone. This weekend I will be left home alone when my roommate goes to spend the weekend with her parents in another state. What are some fast, easy ways to commit suicide? I'd like to this at home, peacefully, so that less people will have to see the body in the end. I'd like something that isn't too messy, if possible, but is fairly painless. Suicide tips? Thank you very very very much. (link)
Please, get a hold of yourself! The more you dwell on the negative, the more depressed you will become. There are many, many people out of work now because of this terrible economy. You are not useless!

My husband lost his job 10 years ago. He collected unemployment, but couldn't stand the thought of sitting around doing nothing until he found a job in his field, so he took a job for less than what unemployment paid and certainly not up to his skill level, just to stay active and not get depressed. He might as well have been flipping burgers. He worked there for about 6 months until a position opened up for him at another company that paid his normal salary. He now owns his own business and is doing very well. That was a vital decision to make, to keep active and not feel sorry for himself. The psychological impact is important to avoid depression.

You don't know what the future holds and cutting your life short will ensure that it holds nothing for you. Please, don't let life get you down to the point that you consider checking out. The bad times NEVER last forever. NEVER! I'm a devout believer in God and I do believe He tests us. If we hang on and do what we can do through a bad situation, then He is faithful to reward us afterward. If you kill yourself, what can He do for you?

I'm 57 years old and I have seen many bad situations in my time. I have come through all of them and have found the good times outweighed the bad times.

No suicide tips here. Go apply at McDonalds or Walmart. Anywhere! You have the weekend to look for work and lift your spirits.

Im in charge of the junior class club and i have to come up with some cool saying or quote for the are class shirts. my schools mascote is the panther and the school colors are purple and white. Any ideas? (link)
How about...."$13 trillion and growing! Our future looks bleak."

I woke up pretty much sneezing. I've sneezed all day today. I'd say at least 3 times every hour or so. It's frustrating because it interrupts what I'm doing. What does it mean when you start sneezing a lot? Like does it mean you're sick or that you're tired or what? Thanks (link)
Sneezing is the way the body removes foreign matter from the nose. It also is a reaction to substances that the body is allergic to. My guess is, you have allergies.

I like this girl and she finally gave me her phone number. We talked twice on the phone this week already. My brother (older) said not to call her too much if I'm interested because then she'll play hard to get and things will get too complicated. I don't want her to play hard to get? So how much is too much? Do I call her like once a week or is that too much too? (link)
Brother is smart. Yes, once a week. You don't want to appear over eager, but at the same time you do want to appear interested and not aloof.

Women and men have one thing in common...when they perceive someone as over eager, they see desperation. Never appear desperate.

alright, well im 19/f, will be 20 next week, and he is 21.

a bit of background info - we met last summer in panama city beach while i was in town with my family. he lives about an hour and a half from there, and drove down every night after we met to see me and hang out. we liked each other, stayed in touch for a bit after my vacation ended, but then stopped talking. i was fixin to start college here in Georgia, and he was working, and we just lost touch.

fast forward to this year. i went back to panama city with my family just like last year, and a few weeks before i had texted him out of the blue saying i'd be back down and that he should come see me. sure enough, just like last year he drove down almost daily for the whole week to hang out with me and it was just like last year. we'd hang out all night, hold hands, kiss, and started to like each other all over again.

well this time, we've stayed in touch, talking & texting all day and night since the end of july, our feelings have gotten so much stronger, and we've been officially together for a few days shy of a month. he's made the 4 hour drive to see me and stay with me at my apartment at school a fe times, and i've driven down to florida to stay with him and his family. he's SO sweet to me, always telling me how he doesn't wanna lose me, how much i mean to him and how i'm the best thing thats ever happened to him and he's so happy he has me now.

welllll, he told me he loves me a couple weeks ago. i wasn't expecting it so soon, and i haven't said it back, but i think i do love him. i'm happier than i've been in a long time, and i want to tell him but part of me is scared because of the short time we've been together and i dont want to be hurt like i have been before.

the only other guy i've loved was a guy that i dated for 3-3.5 years when i was 15, which we also said i love you really early, but that was my first love.

i just dont know if its too soon? i feel like time-wise, it is. but i feel like i do love him, and we're pretty serious about each other. he's seriously considering moving out of florida and finding a job in the town where i go to school. i'm thinking about telling him next week when he comes back to stay with me, but ahh i'm kinda nervous :) does it seem like its too soon? (link)
It is too soon. The "game of love" requires mystery. Playing your hand too soon can put a wet blanket on everything. Give it plenty of time before you let the cat out of the bag. Besides, how do you know if you really love him? Next week you could be singing another tune. It's just oo soon to tell. The both of you are still in the infatuation stage.

Mums the word.

my b/f and i broke up nearly a month ago, it was because he was working away a lot so we didnt get to see eachother so much. he said he wanted to think about getting back together i was very patient with him, i didnt contact him first, he always contacted me. but it got to the point where i just couldnt wait for him to play his games anymore, so i told him i hope he can make up his mind soon because i wouldnt wait forever for him. i do really love him but i just cant go on like this i needed an answer. do you think this was a good move or not? (link)
You don't say who broke it off, you or him, or was it mutual?

Doesn't matter. You already have your answer. If he has to "think about it", then his heart isn't with you.

Move on.

ok so i met this boy last year. and we frist went out last year but it was only for like 2 weeks. then he dumped me. we still talked though like on the internet. then i got a phone and we texted. then i didnt talk to him for a while again. then we started talking again but i didnt see him again until april of this year. and all the sudden he kissed me i was left confused. i hung out with him the next day but we didnt do anything. after that we didnt talk again. and then in august he randomly messaged me saying he wanted to see me. then i said ok and we met up and he kissed me again.. and later that day he sent me a message saying he wanted me back and i said ok. so i guess that i was his gf again but it didnt seem like it and after that we still talked but i didnt see him again until last week and i seen him like 4 days in a row. the last time i really talked to him was sunday and now i think he is like ignoring me like not texting back and stuff. i dont know why and he has pulled this stuff on me before but those times i didnt care as much. but now i do and i am upset its like he only talks to me when he feels like it. what should i do? why is he doing this (link)
"...he is known as a player and i am thinking mabye thats why he is doing this."

Ya think?!!! Dump him. He thinks he's all that and he's wrong. He's a jerk and it shows.

Move on.


So i stayed at my friend's house this weekend with a few other friends. There were 5 girls and 3 guys. After everyone went to bed, this one guy came and asked me to go with him somwhere. Then we went into another room and we kind of hooked up. Like, we "put our hands in eachother's pants" to put it nicely. That wouldn't have been so bad, but i never even met him until that night. So i knew this guy for like, 5 hours and i let him do that. It's weird, because i don't regret it at all. But i told my friend about it and she said it was kind of wrong. I feel a little weird about it myself. I'm usually really prude and that was SO unlike me. I've never done that with anyone, idk what it was. Does that mean im like, easy? Is this normal, or am i just a hoe? (link)
You're 17 so I'm assuming you still live at home with your parents. I also assume your friend who had the sleep over is living at home with her parents. How, may I ask, is there a sleep over with 5 girls and 3 boys? Maybe I'm missing something, but I find it extremely difficult to understand how your friends parents and your parents would even allow this, for the reason that you are writing about right now! Of course this is going to happen! How can it not happen? This is the age when these things happen and all the more reason for the parents to not allow a compromising situation.

It is my opinion that this sleep over should NEVER have occurred. The adults in this situation were completely negligent and have laid temptation at your feet.

You are not a whore, but if more situations like this occur, the temptations will only get stronger and stronger until you are completely compromised. Stay home and don't go to any more sleep overs that include boys. You don't need to set yourself up for another encounter where some boy is trying to get into your pants. Are you easy? Only you will know the answer to that in the future.

Hey, my boyfriend (a varsity student) doesnt eat anything vegetable or green (except for mushrooms which arent really vegetables, and potatoes which count in most part as carbohydrates)... It's not really a problem for me because I love all vegetables so will eat his anytime... but his immunity is at an all time low and he keeps getting a cold every now and then. He's also anaemic. I know his unbalanced diet is causing other problems too (like being overweight, tired all the time - he also doesnt have frequent meals, sometimes he skips meals). I would like to know if you (as a mother) have any ideas of how I can get him to eat more healthy or atleast improve his lifestyle without vegetables. I think he knows that he's not taking very good care of himself, but he's not going to eat food he hates... (link)
Well, you can't feed him like a baby, so really all you can do is stress to him that his health will suffer because he will, if he hasn't already, develope vitamin deficiencies. You could subtly suggest to him that he doesn't look as good as he used to. Tell him he looks "fragile". Guys certainly don't want to look fragile! Leave it at that.

Now, he may hate veggies, but maybe you can convince him to, at least, eat Romaine lettuce on a sandwich, and lots of it. Iceberg lettuce is not as nutritous because it isn't dark green.

The final option (and it's a good one) is to suggest a high quality supplement. My family uses a powdered supplement called All-One by Nutritech. It's sold online at various vitamin websites. This is a very, very good supplement that will give him the nutrition he needs, but it is not a panacea. At least he will be getting the vitamins that are now missing from his diet.
The powder should be added to juice of any kind (my sons even mix it with water. Gross.) and either use a shaker or blender to mix it well. He will feel a difference in about 2 to 4 weeks, and the difference will be remarkable, but it must be taken everyday.

Short of that, I'd say he needs to grow up and be a big boy. Even if he buys the supplement, there's no guarantee he will take it. Good luck to you!

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