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I am a wife and a mother of three grown sons. I live in New York and am an equestrian. Most of my free time is spent riding and caring for my horses now that my sons are out of the house.

I give down to earth advice, as I tell it like I see it...and I've seen alot.
Gender: Female
Location: New York
Member Since: January 17, 2009
Answers: 281
Last Update: September 11, 2011
Visitors: 8696

I broke up with my boyfriend 8 months ago and i have a restraining order on him. because of him it's hard to trust guys. Theirs a guy that i have known for 2 months, he broke up with his gf 5 months ago but she is best friends with his sister who is really close to him. he sees her everyday but she sees other guys and he sees other girls. He keeps telling me he wants something serious but i think he only says that to get in my pants. Before him I went 8 months with out having sex but the other day me and him did it. He sleeps over my dorm all the time and he even sleeps over when im on my period just to cuddle. I dont believe anything he says becasue i have a hard time trusting people so im not taking him seriously when he says he likes me i think hes just trying to get in my pants. I dont know what to do ive been lonely for so long and i would take him seriously if he didnt always see his ex girl friend. He loves her i know that im not sure if i should stop talking to him completely so that he will realize if he ever wants a relationship with me he has to stop talking to his ex i dont want to tell him becasue he may think im controlling. I am 18 and he is 20 im in college as well. (link)
You shouldn't stop talking to him, you should stop sleeping with him! Why would you sleep with someone who is in love with someone else? You are right to think he is just trying to "get in your pants". Who cares about the cuddling?

Stay friendly, but don't let it go any farther. Tell him if he really does want something "serious" he'll have to lose the ex-girlfriend or it ain't gonna happen.

He might really want a relationship with you or he might be using you to make her jealous or to get into your pants. Either way, you shouldn't sleep with a guy who hasn't made a clear commitment to you and the relationship and that means NO EX.

I am 18 years old and I have the worst short term memory. I dont smoke weed or anything like that so my brain cells are not being damaged. Ever since I was younger, during a conversation I forget a word that I want to say. My vocabulary is horrible becasue ill know the word that I want to say but since I cant think of it at the moment I use a dumb word that barely makes sence. I forget things right after reading a sentance in a book. Sometimes when Im with a group of people I get discouraged to talk becasue I care about what they think or if they will make fun of the way I talk. People are witty and come up with interesting convos. I hear them having long lasting coonvos but mine are so short and I feel like its my fault. Do you think I mentally care to much about what people think and overthink what I want to say then it comes out wrong or do you think its a serious problem? Please help (link)
You should see your doctor. He can send you for the appropriate tests. There are tests for memory. Rule out a physical problem first and take it from there.

I was raised by my moms parents. Mom had nothing really to do with me growing up. If she came it was only to borrow money or to eat. I tried just being nice to her but all she did was take. Borrow clothes without bringing them back. Borrow my child suport money and didnt pay back and so on. I'm now a happily married mother of 5 great kids. When mom was watching my daughter one weekend I called her to bring her back. She refused and instead brought my daughter and the cops with her to my inlaws house (where i was at). She fussed at me cause i had a job babysitting a neighbors 2 kids. There was no harm in it whatsoever. My daughter was right with me every day. She just didnt like it so started fussing at me and my hubby so bad. A cop brought me to the side that day and told me that if we dont stop arguing my daughter would be taken away from me. Also that I should quit my job so, I did.Since then I've had more kids and she plays favor to my oldest and now baby girls. She will not keep anybody but them. She will say tell... I'll make up there birthday. But she dont even come to there parties knowing when it is and all. My kids dont like her except at christmas she bribes them to be around her. other than that they get bored with her. I dont want me or the kids to be around her because of her attitude and all. She threatened that if I didnt let her see the kids she would take me to court. Far as I know there is no law stating i have to let her see them. I want her to leave us alone. Me and my kids are happy and well taken care of.Even the rest of my family agrees but can't get her to stop. My question is how do i keep her from seeing us with out getting the law involved? Thanks in advance (link)
Document every phone call and what was said and every threat she's made. Go to court and get a restraining order. She is harassing you and you shouldn't put up with it. She could be in big trouble for not bringing your child back. I believe that's kidnapping. Also, who is this cop to tell you that your child will be taken away if you argue with your mother? And who is he to tell you to quit your job?!!! I know you don't want to do this, but getting a lawyer might be the best choice in a situation like this.

I probably sound really paranoid but I am wondering if I might have worms or some sort of parasites in my body. I have read a few things online about people detoxing and cleansing their bodies and finding lots of worm-like things in the toilet during the process. It seems to be really a common thing.

I eat a fair amount of meat, including beef, which is suppose to have a lot of the parasitic eggs in it. I have never found worms in my stool or anything but I guess that doesn't mean much.

So, I thought I might do a cleansing process on my body too just for good measure. I've never done a body cleanse though. Has anyone done a cleanse and can tell me more about it and how to do one? I'm really interested and will do whatever I need to so my body is healthy... (link)
I've never done a body cleanse where I had to order anything, but I have fasted and I do know people who have fasted. It is, basically, the same thing. You gradually slow down your intake of food, but not liquids (except dairy), until you are no longer eating solids. This should take a week or two. That is the way to cleanse your body and rest it as well. There are many types of fasts. Some are liquid, where you take in broth and juices and some abstain from everything but water.

You should take to your doctor first. Let him know what your want to do and ask for his advice. Some doctors don't approve of fasting and some do. I never sought my doctors advice, I just did it and saw a big difference in my body and mind. You can actually think clearer. At first you'll experience brain fog, but after a few days that goes away and even your vision seems to improve.


Two weeks ago, my grandfather of 58 passed away due to a massive stroke. It was an extreme shock to the family as he was never ill, it just happened.

He was in a coma for 30 long days before he passed away.

I live with my grandparents and have since I was a child. I'm now 21.

For Christmas 09 my grandparents bought me a puppy, Maltese Shitzu. Girl. We never had inside animals but my grandmother melted at the site of her and allowed her to be an inside dog.

Since my grandfather passed, she has been looking out the back window, she has to climb on the sofa and lean on the arm of the sofa to be able to see outside. She has never done this before and only started when my grandfather passed.

The direction she is looking in is at the bird cage where my grandfather always stood and spoke to the cocky we have.

We have purposely left the door open for her to run in and out and she still insists on standing on the arm of the sofa to look out the window.

Could it be my grandfather looking in at us through the window?? I know that animals are suppose to have some sort of 6 sense. I beleive that he wont lay to rest until he is able to tell us that he's ok simply because it was all so sudden and we never got to speak to him.

How am I able to tell he's there? It hurts because he raised me like a daughter and I feel lost without him. I just want to have one last contact so I know he's ok. I want him to know that we love him so much and it's ok he left us because he can now go to a better place.

Please share your experiences with me. I really need to speak to him!

I believe your dog is pining for your grandfather, too. I don't think he sees or senses your grandfather's presence, but, instead, longs for him, as you do. Animals know who's part of the family. He will grieve just as you do.

I personally, don't believe that the dead can contact the living. I believe once they cross over, the contact is over. I also believe your Grandfather knows infinitely more than you do, now that he has crossed over, and I believe he knows how you are feeling and even how the dog is feeling. He is in a better place than any of us are and he now understands the purpose for his life and death. We aren't capable of understanding many things in life while we are here, but once we pass on, we finally will get it.

When we grieve, we look for answers as to why and we look for relief. You are looking for those things now and it will take time for you to come to terms with this event. Usually, it takes a year to fully grieve before the pain lessens. It will lessen and you will not always feel this way.

Take it from someone who has been there many times in life. Why not speak to God? He can tell you infinitely more than your Grandfather can. After all...God wanted him home.

It's a desktop, not a laptop, which is why it's so confusing haha. It needs something, I just don't know what. But if your son can help that would be great. (link)
My son said you'll need someone to actually work on the computer to see what the problem is. It's not something that can be diagnosed without seeing it because there could be a multitude of reasons for the problem.

He said there must be people at the school who can help you seeing that you are paying for the internet, even if it's part of your tuition. They should help you connect.

If they don't, then find a computer geek in the computer dept. and ask for help!

How much weight will i lose if i swim for 1 hour a day for a week? (link)
You'll lose one lb. for every 3500 calories you burn. There are websites that tell you how many calories you'll burn doing certain activities.

If you swim enough to burn 3500 calories, then you'll lose a lb. You will gain back a lb. if you eat 3500 calories after you swim.

I moved into college recently, and I have yet to buy my laptop. So I currently have my desktop from home that's only a year or two old, but when I try to connect to a network (my colleges wireless network) it says something about not having the proper or updated drivers. My roommate's pretty good with computers and she tried using an ethernet cord, but it also says that I don't have any Ethernet drivers either. Does anyone know what I need to get my wireless Internet working? Homework would be a lot easier with it. Thank you (: (link)
My son can help you. What model laptop are you using?

Ok so I heard Obama's speech tonight, but I missed what he was saying about people who work for a small business/any business that does not offer health insurance...what kind of coverage is he offering for people like me that are healthy but are not having it offered by their jobs...and want a reasonable monthly cost. Thank you. (link)
You will be required, by law, to have heathcare coverage. If you don't make enough money to pay for healthcare, then the gov't. will put you on the public option. It will be up to the gov't to decide if they think you make enough money or not. It will not be your choice.

Businesses will be forced to offer healthcare to their workers. If they don't, they will be subject to heavy fines. Most companies will just offer the public option because it will be cheaper.

Anything that is run by the government cannot be reasonably priced because of the huge bureaucracy that is, inevitably, created. It may start off cheap, but, in the end, it will cost every taxpayer, dearly. Any country that already has public healthcare has substandard care.


i'm soooooo damn attracted to my good guy friend joe. i've known him for a while and he's always tried getting with me but i never did, because he had a girlfriend or was involved with someone even though i wanted to. well lately he doesnt have a girlfriend and he would be like "wanna fuck" but nothing would ever happen! he thinks i'm a tease. but im not! i would have sex with him in a second, lately i've been horny like no other hahaa. and today me and my girl friends went to the sex shop and i was like joe i got cute fuzzy handcuffs:) and he was like let me use them! so then i seen him tonight and i was like okay we can share them and he was like let me have them first! and i was like noooooo, i bought them i get them first! and he was like your not even going to use them, and the whole time i was thinking I'LL USE THEM ON YOU!;) but it kind of made me mad because he never was like "we'll just use them on each other" or something like that, it's just that i feel like he doesnt want me anymore :( but i REALLY want him, when i see him i just want to jump on him ha. but i dont want to like say anything to him, and him be like woaaaaah, no. you know? i wish i could dress sexy and wear hot lingerie for him because i feel like everytime i see him i'm all gross! i just don't know how to bring it up. (link)
A great deal of men do not like sexually aggressive girls. There is no mystery to someone who flaunts themselves and many men find that unattractive. My guess is he is one of them.

Hey, I have a bank account with Bank of America and I'm able to check my savings online. I have one checking account and two savings accounts linked.. one for school adn one just a general bank account. So my quetsion is.. so I dont get the two confused by accident, is there anyway you can give the bank accounts their own title so when you sign on you'll see "School Savings" or "General Savings" or whatever it may be for.

Thanks so much. (link)
I doubt it. I've had accounts with many banks, Bank of America being one of them and I've never seen an option for what you want to do. Granted, it would be much more convenient. Why not call BOA and see if they can accommodate you? They may have a way of doing just what you want.

I've been friends (frenemies) with this guy ever since freshman year. Everyone knows him as genius-but-gets-bad-grades-due-to-laziness-arrogant-but-nice-at-times guy. He tends to use hurtful sarcasm towards all my friends, but I seem to get the worst end of it. He sometimes hurts me verbally, ignores me, and tries to humiliate me. The guy always calls me "stupid" and thinks I'm the idiot (even if I do get better grades than him, but I have to admit- if he tried he could have been the valedictorian right now). I do assert myself and call him out on it, but he always continues. No one takes his dry sarcasm seriously, but his seems to hurt me a lot, and whenever I tell my friends, they tell me to ignore it (in fact, people find his hurtful sarcasm towards me somewhat funny), but I just can't. I get the feeling that he does have a crush on me, but that is refuted since he claims to be "in love" with one of my very goods friends (who he his extremely nice to). I don't know why is he the meanest to me, and although people say it is nothing big- why do I wish someone could stand up for me along with me? Just because everyone is taking things lightly, am I just too paranoid? (link)
I wouldn't hang around him. Sarcasm is one thing. Relentless sarcasm can be caustic, especially if he knows how hurtful it is to you and brushes it off. The guy seems completely insensitive to your feelings and enamored with his wit. Tell him he needs a personality adjustment or a psychiatrist and leave him to his own devices.

ok so I'm back with another crisis. So I like this guy, he and I are really good friends. It was the first day of school and everything is going to be perfect. I chilled with him after school before he went to soccer practice. Than my best friend comes and ask me if I told him how I felt. I said no just waiting for the perfect moment. She tells me that two of my other girlfriends like him. One of them liked him last year when I didn't and went onto a different guy. But now she's back into him and some other guy. The other one just started recently liking him. And now, they have no idea how I feel about him. I thinking of not acting on my feelings because they are two of my closest friends. However, i wanna tell him but I still scared he might reject me and our friendship would be over. So please give some help!!! (link)
I wouldn't tell him. If he likes you, he will make the first gesture. Guys, throughout the ages, have always found girls more intriguing when they have to pursue them. This hasn't changed in the 21st century. Girls have changed, but guys haven't. If you come out and spill your feelings, you may appear too eager and that's a turnoff.

I wouldn't be so concerned about the other girls who are interested in him. I suppose 'who he chooses' is the factor here. If you don't want to risk your friendship with him, then don't tell him you like him. Continue to be friends and if the friendship is really solid, it can eventually lead to a bf/gf relationship. They are the best kind.

Sit tight and let him pursue you.

Hi, I live in New Jersey.
I heard that in Michigan, for every bottle you recycle its a 10c refund. Considering Michigan is over 9 hours away from New Jersey, is it possible to ship out the bottles and get money shipped back to me? Thanks! How would I even begin doing that? (link)
This would be illegal.

For the past few months, I've been using one albuterol inhaler a week, pretty much. My doctor said I should only be using one a month, & if I keep using it that much, it will kill me. So, I stopped smoking & do everything I can to prevent an asthma attack, but things have gotten really bad lately.

Every day I have a really hard time breathing right. I pretty much have to force myself to breathe. I'll wake up in the middle of the night gasping. I'm getting horrible headaches, chest pain, & numbness. I went to the emergency room & they said it was a panic attack (which I do have those, but never this bad), & one nurse said it might be a withdrawal from my inhaler.

So, I'm wondering if it's possible to have withdrawals from that. I've looked online but I really can't find much about it. If it is possible, what are the signs? And any advice on what I should do?

Also, I'm on another inhaler to help prevent the need for the other inhaler. (link)
I know that when people use nasal sprays, they can become dependent on them so that when they stop using them, their symptoms can come back with a vengeance, causing them to be dependent on the nasal sprays just to be able to breathe. I would think the more they use them, the more they depend upon them.

I don't see how it would be any different with an inhaler. You've become dependent on the inhaler and now your body is protesting that you're trying to stop. Your body thinks it needs the inhaler to breathe properly, and maybe it does, now.

Never over medicate yourself! Follow Dr.'s orders. Talk to him about this if your discomfort doesn't subside soon. Don't assume it's a panic attack because a physician you've never been to before says so. Your doctor should be the one to make the diagnosis.

I am traveling to Chicago this weekend, and I'm meeting a friend from the internet that I met on Advicenators [irony?] three years ago.

I know, you're thinking, "DON'T MEET SOMEONE YOU'VE MET ONLINE!" I know. It's dangerous. I've thought of this for the past three years. But, we've talked on the phone, we've texted back and forth, we're friends on Facebook, Myspace, and Twitter, I've seen videos of her and her friends hanging out, and so has she for me. I'm like 99.9% sure she is not a 45-year old molester that's held a 17 year old girl hostage for three years, just to continue a lie.

So, my question is, is it normal to be nervous? What kinds of things should we talk about? What should we do?

What other advice do you have?

Thanks you. And, don't worry. She's bringing her friend with her, and I'm bringing my dad along, so if by some chance she is a creeper, I'm safe. (link)
It's quite normal to be nervous because this really is an adventure. First off, you should meet somewhere public, like a restaurant. Invite her parents, as well, and have dinner together...the whole group of you. The conversation will go fine with the adults able to play back up. There won't be any uncomfortable lulls with so many people.

I would emphasize inviting her parents. The last thing you would ever want is to be accused of something by her and her friend (not that that is going to happen) and/or have your father accused as well. This way, there's no chance that anyone can accuse anyone of anything questionable. Her friend being there is not enough, in my opinion.

After dinner, perhaps a museum or a zoo or something where you're not sitting in the dark (like a movie) and where there is no chance of intimacy.

Also, you may really hit it off together, but be prepared to be let down, too. Sometimes, we build the excitement in our heads and then when the real thing materializes, we are let down. There is also the possibility that one of you will want to take things further and the other doesn't. Just don't bet the farm on this meeting. Go, with the attitude of having a nice night out on the town with a nice person.

Good luck to you and have fun!

If you have a plant with leaves like a spider plant and the ends are brown, can you cut off the ends where it is brown and they will grow back? It has not been watered regularly and now it is going to start having regular watering...I don't want to cut the ends if they are going to stay flat and never grow back to a point. Thank you. (link)
No. The tips of the leaves will not grow back. If you water the plant regularly and fertilize once a month, the Spider Plant will send off satellite plants which can also be planted.

I went to the invisible children website, and watched you tube videos about it, but i'm still a little confused. ok, why did they get their homes taken away from them? why did the kids get abducted and made into soliders? who is doing that? why are they? is the bill going to pass or is it? what is the school for school thing? i want to help, but i don't really understand that well. i know i'm probably totally missing it, but yeah. can someone explain it to me? & how can i help? i think i would buy a tshirt or something, & help spread the word. (i don't really have much money to donate like all the time. this is the best for me, i think.)

& i know their are a lot of other problems in our world, especially in africa. but i want to help this one. :) can someone fill me in on it more? (link)
The answers are on their website...

i have really curly hair and i usually add baby oil or gel to keep it tamed but i always get an oily face and start to break out cause of the oil in my hair. what can i put in my hair instead that works with really curly hair? (link)
Aveda Brilliant finishing gloss.

Right well, im 15 and im a girl, but see, im really small. Like short, little, skinny, i dont know, just small. I get "awwh!"s its SO annoying but whatever, thats not my question. I wasnt really sure where to put this, but i guess since my crush does this too, i put it here. So i guess since im little, the guys i know think its okay to just man-handle me or something, i dont know. Its wierd. When they want to get me to move, like out of a doorway for instance, instead of just saying "excuse me" like they would for any other girl, they literally pick me up and place me out of the way. Its soooooo aggrivating. I give the whole firm "no" thing and im serious about it, and I ask them to stop but it doesnt. And its not just a few guys, its all of them. They just pick me up and do whatever they want with me. Hello?? Im not a toy, just say excuse me. And its not like my reaction eggs them on. As i said, i firmly (but calmly) say no, and ive asked ALL of them to stop countless times (even though i dont mind TOO much when my crush does it... hehe) but it doesnt. One time, a guy (hes not really my friend) picked me up and put me on the top of a fridge... like really?? what the heck? Most of the time, its just the harmless picking me up and moving me but even that drives me crazy. Why does it bother me so much? How can i get it to stop? Am i doing something that provokes it? Am i just going to have to live with this?

And please, dont tell me to like kick them in the balls or be really mean or something like that. I love these guys, theyre my friends (and my crush, i dont want to be a jerk to him) and i love them to death, but this has got to stop.

Oh and sorry this is so long, i like to rant... haha. (link)
They're just fooling with you. They probably think you're cute. I used to get stuff like that when I was younger and now I get it from my family. My husband is 6'4" and my 3 sons are all big guys. Wait till they start throwing you over their shoulder and running around the yard with you in front of company when you're 50!

It goes with the territory. When your petite, you're fair game. Blow it off and laugh along. It will taper off as you get older.

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