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After 4 years and 2 kids I don't know why he treats me like this? Why do I take it?
Ive been with my boyfriend for 4yrs already we have 2 kids together. He treats me like im a piece of garbage and i dont understand why I put up with it.
Im a smart person i got my AA and now im working on my teaching degree. Im the one that works and takes care of our kids while his lazy ass sits around and does nothing yet he has the nerve to call me nasty names to tell me im ugly, fat, and worthless... I know i deserve better i just had my son 2 months ago and im not fat i have a pouch but that will go away with some exercise im 5'4" and i weigh 155. I think im a beautiful person inside and outside. I just cant understand why he treats me the way he does I do everything for him. I go out of my way to try and keep him happy I even go to the extent of taking my kids in the mornings on my days off out to visit my mother or run errans just so he can sleep and not start insulting me.
I come from a great family my parents always helped eachother out and they would do anything for me. Its sad that even after all the things that he has said and done to me I still love him and Im trying to make it work between us. I love myself too I know im not ugly im a good person i just dont understand why he is such a nasty person and why i put up with it?
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I assume he doesn't work if he's sitting around on his lazy butt all day. Anyway, he doesn't respect himself because he isn't supporting his children and doesn't see himself going anywhere, therefore, he assumes you must be the bottom of the barrel because you chose him. In other words, he's asking, "What's wrong with her if she picked me." It's a self esteem issue.
That said, you aren't helping any by supporting him and the kids and demanding nothing of him. On top of it, you allow him to berate you! Do you have self esteem issues, too? If you have any self respect you would show him the door. Obviously, you don't need him because you're carrying the ball without him. You have required nothing of him, including marriage. Why pump out children with a man that hasn't married you?
Men respect women who respect themselves. If you had self respect you wouldn't tolerate any of this. You know what to do.
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Answering this question is hard for me because im in the same situation but to give some one advice that was in my situation I would tell you that do you want your children to hear the things he says to you and him laying around not doing anything thinking that , that is the right way to live because its not and its upsetting watching somone put up with it. you can do so much better and have someone care and love for you unlike he is doing to you.
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For you to realize your worth is a great thing. Now, act on it. Prove to yourself and your kids that you are aware of your worth. This means parting ways with your boyfriend. He sounds like a toxic person to be around and I don't feel that it would be worth it to "work things out". He sounds like a vicious individual.
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You are a mother of 2 but as long as you are with the boyfriend it's 3.
Too be honest, You need to pack up your stuff and get out. Your boyfriend isn't the one to be talking. You work, you are going to school..and he sits around the house expecting YOU to bust your ass more on top of insulting you. You are right, You don't need it. You have pretty much proved yourself you can take care of the kids on your own. Perhaps one day when you aren't there he will realize he has no choice but to grow the hell up and since it will then be too late.
You are successful, Take your children and move on I guarantee you will find yourself much happier in the long run.
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this relationship is unhealthy. you are basicly taking care of your kids alone but your also taking care of him. a relationship should not be this way especially when kids are involed. i say leave him you should not be treated this way. you said it yourself your the one that works and plus you said your parents would help you. so break it off because he is not going to stop, but if you really want to try to make it work then i guess try talking to him and if he keeps treating you like this then consider what i said. hope this helps good luck.
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Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather; hopefully the wisdom that comes with age and life experiences will be helpful.
You don't have two children, you have three. Your boyfriend is your third child. Your his mother with privileges. It's time he had a wake up call.
You have not said there is any reason why he cannot work other than he is lazy. Being lazy does not qualify as a disability. As long as you feed his laziness he will continue to mentally abuse you. Yes, you are in an abusive relationship. Mental abuse is just as bad as if not worse than physical abuse. As long as you feed his laziness and care for him as you do your children he will continue to abuse you to keep you in line and serving him.
You say you have a supportive family. If so let them help you. I'm sure they are telling you that you need to get away from him before he does you and or the children physical harm. I agree with them. Your boyfriend is a controller. He is controlling you with his mental abuse. When that stops working he will take to physically abusing you. You may love him, he may even love you; the fact is this relationship is going to end with you being physically if not mortally harmed. I wish I was wrong, there are just too many cases like yours in police files world wide to prove me right.
You need to get away from him. You need to either kick him out of your home, or move back to your parents home. I would suggest temporarily for the safety of you and your children that you move out. File for an order of protection, see a lawyer for the proper custody papers and support orders from the courts. Do what is needed to be done to protect you and the children. Do not let him sweet talk you into coming back to him.
Controllers of his type is a character fault, not something that is correctable with therapy. It is something that he has to admit he is and then work very hard not to be. Most controllers will never admit they have a problem. Yes, they promise to change and they do for a bit, then once things settle down they go right back to character.
You need to get away from him, permanently before you become a police statistic.
I've been very blunt and hard in what I have written. I did so purposely, because you could be and may very well be in danger. You may not see it as such. I would rather be blunt and with you and tell you where things could lead before you get hurt; hoping you realize that what you have written and the way you have written it have lead me to this conclusion.
Please talk to your parents and see if they do not agree with me. If they do please follow my advise.
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Why should he change?
Your response when he doesn't work is to work harder to support him. Your response when he insults you is to work harder to try and keep him happy. Basically, he does something bad and you reward him.
This guy is a bum. You're already bringing home the bacon and raising the kids. You don't need him to have a happy family. When is the limit? When he hits you? When he starts insulting your babies? When he hits your babies?
It's okay to love him, but if you do truly love yourself, you should be running right now until he shows he can change. Stop rewarding his bad behaviour, because it will only get worse. He is abusive already.
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You put up with him for what he's "done for you". No, he hasn't helped you financially or emotionally, but he still gave you two beautiful kids. You're clinging to the idea that your kids need a two parent household to survive. When in reality, yes your kids need two stable parents, but when they don't have that, they learn to cope and survive without the missing parent. Your kids don't need to be forced into a household where their father abuses their mother. That will only expose them to the abuse and make them prone to either be an abuser or be abused when they're grown,because they think its okay or normal.
Go to therapy. Talk this out to someone. Take your kids and start fresh without this man.
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