|
how can i forgive her?
My mom has been my bestfriend, the person who i could run to if or when i'm feeling down, i told her everything, we talk about everything, i always thought she was honest with me because she is a christian... My dad died when i was 12, we were sooo close and since then i 've never been the same, about 3yrs after i learnt that he wasn't my dad, from her mouth, for a month straight i couldn't look in the mirror straight because it was like i never recognize myself, my reflection....i didn't know who i was, now i don't even know how to trust her anymore.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
I understand that you feel betrayed by your mother but you need to forgive her. It was a honest mistake she never intended to hurt you. You need to talk to her and explain to her how it devastated you. I can relate to this and i understand your pain. I had to forgive in order to not hold the burden over my shoulders. It took everything in me but it' worth not holding a grudge. Just talk it over. Good Luck!
]
i know you must feel really betrayed right know but your mom probably didn't tell you before because she saw how close you and your dad were and she didn't want to ruin the. your mom had her heart in the right place. i know it might seem like you cant forgive her but think about it if you knew that he wasnt your real father before would it had been the same? your mom had your best intreast in mind and in time you will learn to forgive her.
]
Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather; hopefully the wisdom that comes with age and life experiences will be helpful.
You dad is the man that helped your mother raise you. Who comforted you when you were sick. Your dad is the man that helped with your homework, made sure there was food on the table, a roof over your head and good clothes for you to wear.
Your biological father is just that, biological, a fertilizer salesman. He has never been in your life except for the day he sold your mother the fertilizer that lead to your conception.
You have not said, so I will ask; Is it possible that your dad knew he wasn't your father but raised you as his own anyway? If so your dad was quite a remarkable man.
Before you go condemning your mother you need more information. There is no reason to question yourself. Your dad loved you regardless of what he knew or didn't know. There should be no question of that in your mind.
The questions you need answers to are: Does your mother know enough about your biological fathers medical background to pass on to you? While she does not owe you an answer on this next question she could help you understand things if she told you if your dad knew you were not his child? How sure is mom that your dad is not your father?
A little grandfatherly advise: Your dad is the man who raised you. It is his values that have been passed on to you. He may not have had a hand in your conception, but he has played a far bigger role in your life than the man that helped conceive you. Your dad has been more of a dad and a father than the man who enjoyed a few minutes of sexual pleasure, then didn't step up to the plate and accept the consequences that his actions required. That person in my eyes is not much of a man and would have made a terrible father to you.
You have been very blessed to have been raised by your dad. For whatever reasons he became your dad, knowingly or unknowingly, you have benefited by his care and upbringing of you.
Whatever your mom did or didn't do, she did it more for you then for herself. If you have trouble accepting this, rather than letting it eat at you and destroy everything your dad has given to you, I would suggest you and mom seek joint family counseling.
]
Your father is the person who went to your games, who helped you learn how to play catch and ride a bicycle, who worked with your mother to bring you through life until he had to leave his behind.
Your father is not the guy who helped make you. That guy is a sperm donor. He wasn't in your life, and he obviously didn't care enough to have any involvement.
Your mother gave you a father who would love you and cherish you, but she made a mistake. Believe it or not, even adults do that. We all make huge mistakes. She's trying to correct hers now that she can't wound your father with it. It's okay to feel hurt. It's not okay to hurt for the rest of your life.
The only real reason to get in contact with this new guy is to find out if there are any health-related issues in his family that you need to know about. You already have a father. You don't need this guy.
]
You are who you are because of the things that you've become. You are not the flaws or mistakes or your mother or father. Communicate with your mother about this. Figure out why this idea of your biological father is so important to you. You had a dad,and he was wonderful. Do you want to explore the possibility that you could have another father,if not another dad? the two (father and dad) are different. Talk to your mom. I'm sure she was only trying to protect you and make you feel regular.
]
More Questions: |