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Location: New Zealand
Member Since: April 13, 2011
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Last Update: May 2, 2011
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If you have sex for the first time can you get pregnant. Even if only the tip of the penis went in. And the man DID NOT cum. And it did not last anymore then 2 minutes. (link)
Hi there.

Yes a person could get pregnant in the circumstances you described. It all depends on the time in the girls menstrual cycle that the sex happened.

Is this a hypothetical question or has it really happened to you? If you need help feel free to write back with another question.

prom is coming up and i never do anything with my looks or even wear makeup so I just decided that I want to look unrecognizable at prom with wearing makeup.

Wearing a white dress with a black sash, leaving my hair down and curled and i want my makeup like this:

Only, I wrote out the steps and look:

1. Conceal and brighten the face under eyes, around mouth, nose, and forehead (YSL Touch Eclat)
2. Make eyes appear less tired and lift the cheekbones
3. Make forehead appear rounder
4. Brighten chin area
5. Even up the skin with foundation (she’s using Lioele Triple the Solution BB Cream)
6. Shape and fill in eyebrows (using a brow pencil or powder)
7. OPTIONAL to appear more vibrant: Maxfactor Smokey eye effect – base to intensify eyebrows (blue on the lids and purple on the crease. Blend off really smooth).
8. Taking a sky blue matt colour (GOSH Aquarius quad), apply in the inner half of eyes
9. Take a deep darker blue colour and apply in outer area of the eyes (give a nice transition of sky blue going into dark blue)

Yeah that's a lot. I don't really trust people in the retail department or makeup because I think that they will say anything to make you buy stuff. I was thinking of going into Sephora and gettign the make up lady ot do my makeup and then buying stuff but I'm honesty going ot wear this once and there's so much products used.

Should I not wear make up at all or use less material somehow, or just ask the make - up lady? I just don't know. (link)
Her makeup looks great! It would cost you hundreds of dollars to buy all the stuff she used though.

I think that getting a makeup artist to do it is a great idea, if you can afford it. A lot of the counters (napolean, etc) will give you an appointment with someone to do your makeup for something like the prom, if you buy something from them. So check these out, because buying a lipstick or a gloss would be a good thing, so you can keep touching up the colour every hour or so through the night.

Otherwise raid your mom's/big sister's/friend's makeup, with their permission of course.

Also, find out what other people are doing. You may feel silly if others are going minimal and you max it out.

And most of all, take some photos, and have fun!

is there a way for texts to get lost? or can i just safely assume that if the person doesnt reply they just ignored it? bc with my cell usually if it doesnt send out, it'll say so like "message unable to send. try again" is there a separate process for receiving a text too? =( (link)
I think mostly people are busy, and think they will get around to replying later, and then get more busy and end up forgetting to reply. I know I do that, and I don't mean to.

A couple of weeks ago my phone was doing this weird thing where it looked like I had sent a message but no one at all was recieving them. I phoned my phone company and they told me to turn off the phone, take the card out, take the battery out and then put it all back in again and try again, and it worked like a treat!

Even though it looked sent from my sent box, it just didnt have a date or a time next to it, like the ones that actually had been sent have.

I hope this helps!


My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 8 months now. I'm in love with him. He's honestly the best person I have ever known. He's my best friend and I just feel so amazing around him :) We have gotten into many arguments and he is starting to doubt our relationship. He has considered breaking up many times but thank god he decided not to. I really really do love him, with all of my heart. Anyways, I was wondering if anybody had some ideas or advice on some ways I can show or do something to show him how much he means to me? I've done things like bake him a cake, made him a blanket, made him food, bought him some things like clothes and rings. But thats not what i'm looking for.. I want to do something or get something for him that will make him realize that he is everything to me. I want to do something for him that I wouldn't do for anyone else.. something extraordinary.. It can be crazy :) I am the type of girlfriend who loves to do things over-the-top and make his jaw drop and be in a state of awe with surprise and happiness.

If you have seen the movie A Walk to Remember, theres a part when the guy names a star (in the sky) after the girl. It was soo adorable and I want to do something random and extraordinary like that.

Another idea I had was this- I'm going to be spending a month in Europe this summer. Italy specifically. My boyfriend has never left the state.. so it would mean so much to him if he got to travel to a different country. I'm considering maybe buying him a plane ticket to visit me for a few days/week? But this idea is a little tricky because plane tickets are expensive and i'm only 18. Plus my parents are not too fond of him, so it might be a little awkward. But to be honest, I'm doing this for my boyfriend.. not my parents, so they can make it awkward as much as they want, but my boyfriend will still be happy. Do you think this is a good idea? (If i did this, I would obey my parents rules 100% because they would be doing us a huge favor if they allowed him to come with)

Oh and another idea was to buy him tickets to his favorite band's concert, but i'm not sure if this will show him my passion and love for him.

Besides these 3 ideas, does anyone have other ideas? remember- I'm looking for something over-the-top, extraordinary, something he won't expect or see coming. Something to show him how much he means to me and how madly in love I am with him. Thanks!! :) (link)

There is this thing called 5 love languages, and it is really worth reading up on.

Basically it says there are 5 different ways a person feels loved, and you should try and give them love in the way THEY like receiving it, which may actually be different to your way that you like receiving.

these are the 5 ways:

PHYSICAL TOUCH like cuddles, kisses, play fighting, arm rubbing, holding hands, etc

GIFTS, giving of gifts, whether you bought them or made them yourself

ACTS OF SERVICE, doing something that makes the persons life easier, like making them a cup of tea, or doing their dishes, ironing their clothes, tidying the lounge, cleaning their car, etc

TIME, spending time together doing things THEY like, so as an example, I may hike up a hill with my husband, as he really enjoys that, when I would not really ever want to do that myself. He loves it, so this is quality time for him.

KIND WORDS, either spoken or written down, saying nice things about the other person to make them feel good.

Basically we all like all of these things, but we like some things more than others (and they can change over the years) at the moment I really love gifts and acts of service.

My husband like acts of service and kind words.

This means if I give my husband a gift, even if I put my heart and soul into the gift, he will like it, but may not really feel loved. But if I make him a massive dinner with dessert and write a card that says how much I admire him, then he feels like I am head over heels in love with him.

So you need to find out what your boyfriends love languages are, and treat him in those areas.

It sounds like YOU like gifts, which is why you are thinking about giving him these expensive gifts. They sound nice, but if his top love language is something different, then he may really feel more loved if you do something in the other area.

I would also suggest, with all the arguing going on, and with the fact that you have only been going out a short time, that you don't spend a lot of money on what ever you do. It won't make him love you.

You should spend the money on your guy when he loves you, instead of trying to MAKE him love you.
Or spend it on him to be nice, but don't expect anything in return (like his love).

I really can't handle my mom. Like, I really can't. She use to be my BEST friend, but now she's like crazy. I stayed home while going to the university. It's been 2 years now, which means I have 2 years left. I've been thinking of transferring to another university, because I feel like my mom isn't letting me live. She doesn't respect my schoolwork or academics. She doesn't understand all the work I have to do. She doesn't congratulate me on my grades. She's extremely jealous. Every time I have a date or I'm out with a friend, she gets super jealous, texts me every five minutes, asks me when I'm coming home. If I'm with a guy, she'll call me constantly. She always wants to drop me off and pick me up, whether it's a date or whether I'm going to a nightclub. If I'm at the library, she's worried about the time she has to pick me up when I just got there. It's really too much already. I feel like I'm going to lose my patience and flush my phone down the toilet. Some things are out of love, and I understand that. But, it's become an unhealthy obsession. She goes out and buys me like $200 worth of clothes, when she knows I needed that money to buy books and she didn't let me use it. She thinks I'm like this barbie. Right now, I just want to get away from her. She's annoying me SO much! But... here's the issue. My university is my home. It's where my friends are. It's where everything is. I'm involved in 8 organizations at school. She's not even proud of that because they don't pay me any money for it. But... I just got awarded like this special thing to do for next semester. It's kind of hard to explain if you don't come here, but it's an honor. I don't know if I should just leave everything I've worked so hard here for. Then, transferring all those credits. I may have to repeat courses if they don't transfer and all of that. I'm already here. I could just work really hard and try to graduate fast so I can move out of the house. Even if I were working, I still wouldn't be able to move out because I live in an expensive city. My only way out is either finish fast and leave to another university. I love my school. I wouldn't want to leave just because she's annoying me, but it has crossed my mind because I just don't think I can handle it anymore.

Please help! (link)

I think staying at your school is great, but something needs to happen with your mum!

It sounds like she is getting very clingy as she is scared of losing you.

I think you need to tell her that she is suffocating you and that whilst you love her very much, her behaviours are unhealthy and sometimes just plain wrong! And that you need to set some boundaries and she has to follow them, as you are really wanting to live peacefully with her. Let her know that if she can't agree to these terms that you are seriously considering moving out to have your adult freedom, and that would mean moving out of town as it is cheaper.

I am pretty sure that will help her get her act together.

She may need some good support to get through this, so if she doesn't seem to have any, see if you can find some for her. A womens group of some sort? A coffee group, knitting group, any kind of interest group where she can make some friends, discuss her feelings if need be, or just plain forget about you and start having some of her own fun! It sounds like she really needs some healthy distractions.

Apparently a lot of people her age go through a freaky empty nest thing, where they can either embrace it, grow and have a great time, or sort of sink into a black hole. Help your mum not to sink.

I would love to hear how you get on! Please leave a comment, or even better, write another question through my column (ask bewise a question) so I can answer you back!


I'm 12 years old and my younger brother is basically 11. My mom has to spend days reminding him to do stuff like dishes or laundry but he never gets in trouble. My mom said if he didn't do the dishes on a certain day he wouldn't get his Ps2 right, he doesn't do it and the day after he gets it. Me, she told me to clean my room in an hour she never said when I had to start doing it and if I would get punished, after I do my home work(which takes an hour) my mom comes in and says, "Not done? No T.V. for a week." I clean my room after and nope, nothing I'm still T.V. free. Another example, there's no swearing in our house. I call Ethan a "dumbo" 'cause he's got big ears and I get my art rights taken away. He calls me a F---ing F--- and my mom says,"Don't say that to your sister. I'd get it if he was like maybe 4 or 5 years younger but this is too much. (link)
It does sound from what you are saying like he is definately favoured.

Favouritism does happen, but it doesnt' make it right. As your mum behaves in these ways, she might get a massive shock if you 'talk' to her about it, as it is unexpected and puts her on the spot. So how about writing her a letter and giving it to her just before you go to bed. I recommend doing something nice to go along with the letter, like making her a card that says how much you love her and why, or drawing her a cool picture, or making something like a cool photo frame with a picture of her, or your and her in it.

There are 5 different ways that people feel loved, and if you find her way and make her feel loved more, then she should warm up to you a bit as well.

The ways people feel loved are:

physical touch, like she would like a cuddle, a massage, having her hair played with, etc.

kind words, like I love you and you are so nice because of how you do all these great things, etc. The words can either be written down, or spoken.

acts of service, like doing things that she would like done, to make her life easier. You have to be clever with this one. Try doing her chores to give her a rest, and let her know you are doing them to give her a break, like making her bed, drying the dishes, making her breakfast, clean the toilet or sweep the floor. Be imaginative. Pick the thing she doesn't really like doing.

gifts, So a nice card, some picked flowers, a picture. They don't need to have cost money, and in fact, as a mum I can say that the things that you do that don't cost money are actually extra special.

time, so just spending time with your mum, doing things she likes. Does she like going for a walk? Ask her if she would like to go on one with you. Does she like playing cards? Offer to play with her. Even doing the dishes together is spending time together.
(sometimes mums need time by themselves to get refreshed too, so if this is the case, be kind, and try the other love languages)

You could also ask her to write you a short list of things that IF you did them, it would show her that you love her. You don't have to do them, but IF you do, she will see the love.

You can give her a list of your own, saying that IF she did these things on your list that you would then feel her love too.

I also recommend asking your mum to write on a piece of paper (and pin it up somewhere for everyone to see) a list of things that you and your brother do wrong, and their consequences. Because you are so close in age, they should be the same for both of you.

for example, if one of you is rude to the other, then you have to do their chores for the day.

If you complain about doing their chores (or any chores in fact) then you get extra chores too!

Your mum needs to set consequences for things done wrong and follow straight away, and the same for both of you.

You can let her know that by her not doing that it feels like she doesn't love you as much as your brother, and also that it is unfair. You can let her know that you would like the chart with consequences and that she needs to follow through. Tell her that it will make her life easier and nicer as their will be less fighting between you and your brother, and that if you know the consequences you would want to try and do the right thing anyway.

Please write back and let us know what you do!
You can leave a comment in my box, or if you want me to answer back again (which I like to do) you can go to my column (bewise) and ask me another question/just tell me how things are going, and i will reply.

I hope it goes well for you!

Everyone has a dream, and mine has been movie making since I was able to walk. I have written countless scripts that are clever and humourous, and It is my dream to have them viewed on youtube in the way I had pictured. But upon filming today I discovered my voice is disgusting, it is croaky and rough, really Aussie. I don't know what to do, its really getting me down. The hopes of success with this had pulled me out of my down spiral of the past few years and now I fear slipping back into it. I don't really know why I am asking, I guess I just feel like support, because I don't have any friends, and my parents aren't around, its hard for me to do it by myself, and something this little screwed everything up. (link)

Dangernerd has said everything, and what a brilliant answer it was! I was reading it, saying, Yes, Yes, Yes!

So I second it all! Plus, from an audiological background, I confirm that most people really don't like the way their voices sound, as you hear your voice through your ears, but also from inside your own head. You are really used to your voice, so it will sound better to you talking normally, than when it is played back.

Embrace yourself. Be you! If somebody wanted to watch someone else, they would! You only have your unique qualities, so nurture them, grow them, and be the person only you can be!

Would love to see some of the funny scripts etc.

And agree about voice coaches, etc.

All those famous movie stars have worked long and hard to get where they are going. Hours and hours of voice training, and acting etc.

Also, have you thought about being a writer? It sounds like you enjoy that. You could try both, and see which takes off more.

Have fun!

So on Wednesday night I noticed a little bit of the cottage-cheese looking discharge and I had a itchy/burning/etc. vagina. All the symptoms of a yeast infection. So Thursday I called my doctor and she said I should probably get Monistat. However, I haven't had any other discharge (other than my period, which I'm on -_-), only an itchy/irritated vagina since yesterday. I don't have any of the cottage-cheese looking discharge today. So, basically I don't know if I should use the MOnistat. I've never had a yeast infection before, so I obviously have never used Monistat. I'm just nervous, probably also because I don't typically use tampons. /:

Anyway, I don't know if it's a yeast infection? I only have the itchiness and irritation, no more discharge other than from my period. Should I take the Monistat. My doctor's office is closed now and I can't get an appt. until Tues.

Also, if I don't use the cream, should I use the external cream for itchiness (link)
If you are not sure about this, you could try plain yoghurt (like greek yoghurt) with lots of acidophilus in it. You can rub in on the outside and put it on the inside. It feels cold, so a bit stingy, but you just put it on for as long as you can handle. It works a charm!

Otherwise, do you have a free health phone line where you are? You may be able to ring it and tell your symptoms to a nurse/doctor and get their opinion. Also, ringing a pharmacy and asking to talk to the pharmacist is great! Describe your symptoms to them and they will tell you if you should use that medicine or not. They have got years of training and really know their stuff!

I am about 123 pounds and hate my weight. I eat less than my friends and am partially anorexic but do eat enough to fill me usually. I want to be about 100 or 90 pounds like all my other friends. Plz dont give advice like 'you shouldnt worry about stuff like this' or any crap like that because it's obviously important to me. It has nothing to do with height either because I'm one of the shortest. So...please help??? (link)
Hi, I live overseas, so we do weight in kilograms, so I am unsure about the pounds thing, and if it is reasonable.

I do think that you should see a doctor and try to see a dietician too, as it seems odd that you would be heavier than your friends if you eat so little.

One thing I do know is that when you eat only a little, you body holds onto it, and doesn't burn it off. It does this as it doesn't have a reliable regular intake of food to depend upon. If you check out you will find great recipes and interesting articles. You may even find the one that I got this information out of. It is a New Zealand Publication, and they have just started publishing it in Australia as well. Very reputable with everyone who is on the staff being trained dieticians/nutricianists/scientists, etc.
The recipes are delicious and they meet all their stict standards for low sodium, low fat, etc.

It is worth eating a balanced meal 3 times a day, and healthy snacks of a reasonable size 2-3 times a day as well.

Two other things to consider: Your metabolism. This is the thing within your body that 'decides' how fast to process your food, etc. Both of my parents have fast metabolisms. They are both skinny, yet can eat a truck load. My brother and I are both the same. You may have a different metabolism to your friends.

Your food intake needs to be a good size, and so does your exercise!

Eating less will give your body less energy, and trick your body into holding onto the food, instead of processing it.

Eating good size meals and snacks that are nutritionally balanced will ensure you are healthy, and will give you energy to exercise. The exersize needs to be regular and needs to get your heart beating fast. When your 'output' is more than your 'input' you start to lose weight. But don't be silly about this. A healthy amount is 30 minutes a day about 4 or 5 times a week. And something like a fast walk will do the trick.
Start out small, maybe 15 min walks for a fortnight, and then up to 20 min, then 25 min, etc.

And drink plenty of water!
You need good sized balanced meals and exercise for this to work. Too much of one and not the other will be counterproductive and can actually harm you.

And definately recommend talking to the doctor first. He/she should be able to answer any questions regarding your metabolism and check for anything odd that could be causing your weight, like kidney issues

I hope this helps! If you would like to contact me again, please go to my page and 'ask bewise a question'.

me and my bestfriend are 12 but we dont know what to do. what could you do with your bestfriend when your bored and im stuck in my bedroom.... so what?
example for something for computer, crafts or games. (link)

How about seeing if you can get out of that room and do some baking? You could have a dessert party or make lots of appetisers (small nibbly type food) and become masterchefs!

Jigsaw puzzles are great,
and I love board games!

There is a fun game called 'Would you rather?'
where you make up two crazy things, and the other person has to pick which one they would rather, for instance, Would you rather be really tall or really small? Would you rather have one leg and two arms, or two legs and one arm? Would you rather eat rotten eggs or fresh catfood?

It can be a real laugh!

You could also make friendship bracelets, or learn finger knitting, or real knitting.

Paper mache is really fun, and you can make pinatas, or masks, or animals or anything you like really.

Another really fun thing to try (it's worth doing it several times with different things) is a thing called pure contour drawing. You pick something that you are going to draw, and you look at it while you draw, but you are NOT allowed to look at your paper! At all! and you give yourself a time limit, maybe 30 seconds or 1 or 2 minutes, whatever you feel like. Then show each other your drawings and have a huge laugh!
Try drawing your other hand, or something in your room, or try drawing each other or yourself in the mirror! Try including details, eg, eyebrows, jewellery, etc. It's hilarious!

Hope these help! Have fun!

My man is in prison and he wants to know how I feel about being commuted to two men? I know he wants to make sure im taken care of physically but how would you respond if you were asked this question? (link)

I think that it is good you are getting some advice on this! It sounds like you are in a tricky position at this time.

I always recommend being committed to one person at a time. I also recommend not even dating a person unless you think you can see it turning into marriage.

If I were in your position, I would consider what the crimes were that put my partner into prison in the first place, and decide if they show the kind of character I would like in my husband. Would you want you children to display the same behaviours? If you don't like those things, I recommend reconsidering your relationship with him.

If you believe that you still love your partner enough to 'see this thing through', like loving him through good times and bad, then I recommend not bringing in another person to take care of you physicallly. If you love him enough, you can wait for him.

I went sprinting today, trying to put in some speed training for soccer. I didn't have enough energy to put in my full power while sprinting, so it wasn't a super efficient speed training session. When I got home, my knees felt completely normal. But after a few hours, I noticed that my left knee felt like it needed to be popped. I tried to pop it, but all I got were a few cracking sounds, like the sound you get when you crack your knuckles. My left knee still feels like it needs to be popped. It doesn't really hurt unless I put a lot of pressure on it like doing a squat with weights. But I just want to know what is going on with my knee and how to fix it. (link)
Hi, Take care. I had a similar thing several times, and something did pop, and it became 'water on the knee', which was a lot of fluid under and around my knee cap. It was painful and really limited my movement and I needed to use crutches.

I don't know the details about it as it happened in my early teens. I didn't question it, just went with it. I recommend google searching it through a medical database or two and seeing if if really does match up.

And as always, see a doctor if you are concerned!

Thank you for answering my question about moving on after a break-up. I completely agree with you about the importance of finding someone who you will be happy to marry and have children with in the future. That's why I broke it off with him; I couldn't picture myself being happy with him in the future, no matter how happy we had been for the past 2 years. I plan to just avoid contact with him for a while, at least until I can truthfully say that I've moved on. Even though he thinks keeping in contact will help him move on, I really think no contact is best for both of us.

You don't need to respond to this; I just wanted to say thank you for your advice. It sounds like you're part of a very tight-knit and happy family. I hope I can find a similar kind of happiness in the future. If I have any more questions concerning this, I'll definitely ask you! (link)
Hi, Thanks for writing back, that was really kind.

I mentioned your situation to a friend of mine, who is also in a really good marriage. She completely agreed that having a motivated husband is a wonderful thing. It is something that is worth being a deciding factor over.

Enjoy your break away! I love volunteering and always like to recommend that as a way to spend your time. So if you need preoccupying for a bit, why not try that :-)

This is rather long, so I apologize in advance. 3 months ago, I broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years. He was not ambitious and hardly seemed to care about his future, so my future with him appeared bleak. I want interdependence with a guy, not one who only depends on me. Also, he has a very dysfunctional family, and I don't mean just the typical problems that any family would have. If that were the only thing wrong, I would be able to overlook it and stay with him, but I really couldn't deal with his lack of direction in life.

We've rarely talked since then and I thought I’d moved on, but we talked again a few days ago, and I realized I hadn’t. He isn't over me yet, and for him, talking to me helps him find closure and move on, but for me, it's the opposite: I need to cut off contact with him in order to move on.

If he could one day prove that he has changed and decided what he wants to do with his life, I would consider getting back together with him. However, my parents strongly object to our relationship. You might say that this is my life and I shouldn't be allowing my parents to decide what I want, but I confide in my parents a lot and I trust their judgment. They’re so worried about my happiness, or lack thereof, in the future if I had stayed with him. Even if he did change and we got back together, I know that my parents would never fully approve, and that makes me unhappy because I want them to like the guy I choose to be with.

The reason I find it so difficult to move on is that, aside from these major flaws, he is everything I could want in a guy, and I'm so afraid I'll never find someone who will love me as much as he did. He kept me at the very top of his priorities and always had or made time for me, and I felt so lucky because judging by many of my friends’ relationships, their boyfriends don’t prioritize them very highly. I'm so emotionally wrecked after talking to him again, and I’m angry with myself for not being able to move on even though I initiated the break-up. Do you think it’s at all possible that he and I could ever be together again, or should I just let the thought go? And is it normal that I still can't move on even though I was the one who broke it off? (link)
Hi there,

I can see where you are coming from with your question.

I believe that while nobody is perfect, it is good to find a person who is motivated, as well as honest, kind and loving.

I feel this way for several reasons.

1. As a stay at home mum, I have the absolute pleasure of homeschooling my children, while my husband goes to work to support us. I thank him constantly for this, and he sees the real joy it brings to our life.

2. My husband sets a wonderful example for our family. We are also Christians and belive that God doesn't want us to be lazy, but to be fruitful while we ar on this earth.

3. Being with a motivated person is fun and encouraging. We can all do things to improve other peoples lives!

4. A person with little direction can often be slothful and quite a moaner. Whilst I am there to support my husband when he is down, he also has his up days which makes him a joy to be with, and it also brings balance to the relationship, so we support each other when we each need it. Like a real loving team.

I feel that it is good that you have acknowledged how he prioritises you, and it is obvious that he loves you, but I feel they aren't good enough reasons to stay with a person.

You can actually find a person who is a good match for you. Someone who you will bounce off in a positive way, and who will bounce off you in a positive way.

I really believe that it is crucial to make a good choice for choosing a marriage partner. Love is obviously a huge thing, but so is looking at dysfunctional families, and character traits, etc, as those things will not only affect you, but any children you may have.

I believe marriage is for life, and so I think that you should break it off and keep it broken off. I expect you will think about him, as you have been with him for 2 years. But gradually that will fade. And that is normal.

I would love to help you more with this, so please go through my column and click on 'ask bewise a question'.

I really feel like you are doing the right thing. I hope that helps!

Hi, I recently lied to my boyfriend and I don't know how to repair the damage I have done. I lied about my sexual past. I have always been told never to reveal how many sexual partners I've had because it will make a man look at me differently. Well, I admitted it and my friends were right. My boyfriend can't look at me in the same way and went as far as to call me a slut. I told him that I had my fun back in college, but when I am in a relationship I have always been faithful. He hates my past and every once in a while brings it up again. Sometimes he looks at me in silence and I'm always wondering whether he is imagining me with other men. Anyway, I also lied to him about ex-boyfriends writing on my wall on Facebook. It was my birthday recently and all my exes posted birthday messages all over my wall. He asked me all day whether I had gotten messages from my exes. I said no just because I didn't want him to get upset. It was a white lie. He gets so jealous and sometimes I feel like whether I am honest or giving him a white lie he will be pissed. Anyway, he found out I lied to him because one of the messages was from an ex who I had mentioned in the past. Now he thinks I am a liar and can never trust me again.I apologized to him and I told him how much I love him. The past is the past. I can't help it that exes write on my wall. I don't respond to them. He thinks that because they write to me that I am still communicating with them and interested in them. I am not! It makes me so mad. I ended up dealing every single ex off my facebook so he would realize that I don't need my exes in my life. I only want to be with him. His ex-wife cheated on him which has probably left him jaded. Anyway, what can I do to fix the lies? How do I explain to him why I lied? Should I apologize profusely, give him a card? Do you think he will trust me again? How do I rebuild the trust? Please help... (link)
Hi, This is a difficult situation for you to be in, but I can see your heart is in a good place, as you are trying really hard to fix it.

I think the problem however, isn't yours as much as it's your boyfriends. When you told him the truth, he didn't treat you at all respectfully and he didn't treat you in a loving way. You were burned. So thats why you lied, because you didn't want to get burned again.

Now, I don't like lying at all, and I think it is better to get burned and be honest, as hard as that sounds. But i understand thats not for everyone.

(i'm not saying that to run you down, only to show you where my point of view is coming from)

I think you need to explain to him calmly that you love him and you want to be honest with him, but when you were he treated you in an unfair and disrespectful manner, one that didn't show you love. And explain that was why you chose to lie to him. Say you are sorry. Tell him you need him to apologize for his behaviour also.

If he can't become more mature in his response to your truths, your relationship together will be very long and difficult, and I imagine he will blame you a lot. Remember that you are the one that was honest in the first place, and the one who is trying to do a lot of good now.

I recommend letting him know that if he doesn't change his way of handling your truths, ie, treating you with love and respect, then you will ditch him.

A man with good husband material usually has a lot of kindness, thoughtfulness, understanding and forgiveness. Someone who will love you when there is ups and downs.

See if he matches up to that and then make your decision. It sounds like he treats you really poorly and that by being with him you are missing out on the nice guys out there who will treat you like a queen!

Okay. Well. Lemme give you the backstory. Me and my roommate went to Foot Locker to buy stuff for her boyfriends birthday and we met this guy that we see on campus in there (he works there)and so when we were checking out, i asked him if he goes to my university, and he said "yeah, howd you know?" and i said "we see you at the black parties and at the gym" and he replied "oh yeah i train at the gym sometimes" and then continued with small talk.
So later, I asked my neighbor if he knew him, and he does, but i told him not to say anything cause i didnt want to act like im in 8th grade passing messages but he said something anyway:
He asked his coworker where the guy was when he went into foot locker for shoes, and said "oh well my neighbor wants to holla at him"
and the coworker replied " Which one?"
My neighbor: "The white girl"
Coworker" Mann. You know he dont do the white girls. hes never even kissed a white girl in his life"
Then after he told me that, it wasnt a big deal, I wasn't his type so nbd.
but then, last weekend, my neighbor calls and wakes us up asking if we want to go to the mall with him and his roommate and we do, so we get dressed, we look nice cause its a saturday and were going out.
and we ran into the guy and his friend walking to the food court. we said hi, but then the boys had their own separate conversation.
Then my roommate and i sat down to eat lunch and the guy left, but he came back, and apparently behind us, they were pointing at me like "is that the girl?" and my neighbor gave him a thumbs up, asking "is she good?" and he smiled, then looked at me again. My neighbor said he did a triple look at me, then we were properly introduced to eachother.
Then that night we saw him at the party, but we all had to pee so i was being tugged along to the bathroom and the guy passed us by and tried to give me a hug but since i was moving, he just like grazed my lower back and grabbed my shirt. it was an epic fail of a hug.

After that horribly long story, I'm wondering from an outside perspective if this situation sounds promising? I'm gonna continue to talk to him and get to know him. Thank you if you help me out.
Hi, Yes it does sound promising, but it does sound like a lot of 8th grade games, so you would benefit from making a mature move, like going in and seeing him at work by yourself one day, and asking him if he wants to eat lunch with you, so it is just you and him.

That way you can see what he is really like, without lots of silly stuff going on with your friends/his friends, etc.

Ask him lots of interesting questions, like:
Where did you grow up and what was it like?

What do you get up to on the weekends/ in the evenings?

What movies/music do you like?

What is the best thing that has happened to you?

What is the weirdest thing one of your family members has done?

If you had unlimited money and knew you could never fail at whatever you tried, what would you want to do in your life?

Make the questions the type that he can't answer with just a yes or a no, for a better conversation.

Also, so what if he has never dated a white girl?
He may just have never had the chance. He probably dates nice girls, regardless of their race. Give him the benefit of the doubt, until proven otherwise.

I hope this helps! i would love to hear how you get on with him and what happens! please feel free to leave me a comment, or ask another question through my column if you would like!


Alright so i'm a pretty girl (not trying to be conceited) but so many guys think I'm this sex freak cause I'm cute. I am not a virgin, i've only had sex once. But the thing that I'm worried about is making out. I've made out with three guys my whole life. And they have all been spread out. Like from the first makeout to the second was literally about 3 years. Then the second to the last make out was about 9 months. I feel like I'm not a good kisser because I haven't had as much experience. So this is what always ends up happening:

When I start making out with a guy I start to giggle and kind of laugh. I don't know why I do this, I think it's because I feel more comfortable and if I am a bad kisser that they will think i'm not really trying since i'm giggling so they won't think anything of it.

Yeah, it's weird. But the past two guys I've done this with have been like "why are you giggling?" Then they think that it's something they did and that I don't want to make out anymore.

Do you have any suggestions for this!? I'm such a paranoid person, I don't want to be a bad kisser! (link)
I agree that it is nervousness making you laugh, and as you pointed out, it is a cover up for you feeling like you are inexperienced.

I think you should try and relax. Take a few deep breaths and then just go and let him kiss you.

Some tips:
light sucking of the lips is nice, and gentle slow feeling of the front part of their tongue. Don't press too hard, don't do fast crazy stuff, and don't put your tongue in too far.

If it feels nice, then he is doing it right. If it feels gross, then he is doing it wrong. NOT YOU, unless you are doing those things I said not to do :-)

I hope this helps. If you would like me to answer more questions for you, then please feel free to go to my column and 'ask bewise a question'. I love to help!

And the same as learning to read, or learning to draw or learning to do maths. The more you kiss, the better you will get at doing it.

My advice is to keep the kisses for someone really special, who will still love you whether you can kiss well or not. Then kiss them lots and get really good at it!

im thirteen & i really badly want a job. so, i can earn money & help out my mum. but, i want to be able to sell clothes? some thing like that. not walking the dog. doing the news letter runs. baby sitting. < stuff like that. i want a better job. any ideas?
Hi, I really understand how you feel, as I was like that at about the same age. I felt like I wanted a proper job! Sad thing is no one can legally hire you when you are 13.

It is definately a good idea to take a job that us typically given to a person around your age, and work hard at it, becauseas well as an income it will give you a very important reference for when you apply for a real job.

What I mean by this is, when you apply for a job you would like later, like in a clothes store, the boss will ring whoever you have worked for at this age and ask things like: were they honest? Polite? Thoughtful? Hardworking? Did they turn up to work on time evey day? Did theywork cheerfully?

If you do well you will get a good reference and they will be more likely to employ you.

Even if the job isn't grest, the most important thing now and for later is a positive, hardworking, honest and friendly attitude!

okay so theres two guyz one let call him chris i met in school. his a senor and im a freshmen problem is he has a out of nowhere he started talking to me and then it turn in to flirting and then touching he huges me grabs my waist and hips. i realized this was wrong lil to late because istarted liking him alot. he was the first guy to ever give me that kind of attention in high school. i have tried everything to stop liking him, ive stopped talking to him iv e gotten mad at him but nothing works. a week ago he unhooked my bra and i didnt like that so ignored him for a day thats when i stopped liking him and thats were the other guy comes in let call him jerry, this guy has kind of been on the backround(his a sophmore 16) but one day we did a project together and he is so lead back and sweet and nice and was flirting with me big time and i started liking him. he is not all touchy feely like chris and i like that about him but the problem is that he barly flirts with me in school now and its because chris is alway constently touching me, poking grabbing front of jerry and ive seen the looks on jerrys face that tells me he doesnt like it.i dont want jerry the wrong idea that i like chris and that i like to be touched like that. so what do i do to i get chris to back off and jerry to know im intreasted in him and that i like him??? help! (link)
Hi, I am glad that you think Chris should back off. He sounds awful!

I think that you should tell Jerry that you wish Chris would back off, and also tell him that you don't like Chris like that at all. Tell Jerry that you much prefer guys who are kind, sweet and respectful towards women, as they are all qualities that Jerry has, you could even say "I prefer guys who are kind, sweet and respectful, like you". He should feel really good after that.

Maybe you could even ask Jerry's advice on how to get Chris to stop it. It will show Jerry that you are serious about it, and he may like that you respect his ideas and advice!

I would be really interested to know what you do, and how you get on in this situation! you can let me know by leaving a comment, if you like :-)

Here it is:

... can we all cry now? (link)
Hi, It's completely sick, but I'm wondering if it is real?

I noticed today that there are lots of short questions with poor spelling, each from a new user. Weird questions too. I was wondering if someone is doing them all to be annoying?

Could it be Cancer Girl following her spaz out back at you after you sorted her out? She is so full of rubbish. I just looked at her post 'big misunderstanding' and she said that she was paralysed in a car crash, and her friend was the one pushed in the pool, and then when you had her up about it, she said that she was paralysed from the fall in the pool. She is obviously mucking us around. Can she be banned for that? Even if she can be, I guess she can just log in under a different name and email address, huh?

Makes me mad as she is such a time waster!

I just really hope that 9 year old one isn't real, but I've got a weird feeling about it, so I'm not going to answer it.

How are you anyway? I hope you have a good Easter! Did you get the last long email I sent? I hope you did, and have figured that you are too busy to reply, which I understand :-)

We got a swing set today, and the kids just love it!

Thanks for sending the link for the crazy post through. I like keeping in touch!

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