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Family vs. Education
I really can't handle my mom. Like, I really can't. She use to be my BEST friend, but now she's like crazy. I stayed home while going to the university. It's been 2 years now, which means I have 2 years left. I've been thinking of transferring to another university, because I feel like my mom isn't letting me live. She doesn't respect my schoolwork or academics. She doesn't understand all the work I have to do. She doesn't congratulate me on my grades. She's extremely jealous. Every time I have a date or I'm out with a friend, she gets super jealous, texts me every five minutes, asks me when I'm coming home. If I'm with a guy, she'll call me constantly. She always wants to drop me off and pick me up, whether it's a date or whether I'm going to a nightclub. If I'm at the library, she's worried about the time she has to pick me up when I just got there. It's really too much already. I feel like I'm going to lose my patience and flush my phone down the toilet. Some things are out of love, and I understand that. But, it's become an unhealthy obsession. She goes out and buys me like $200 worth of clothes, when she knows I needed that money to buy books and she didn't let me use it. She thinks I'm like this barbie. Right now, I just want to get away from her. She's annoying me SO much! But... here's the issue. My university is my home. It's where my friends are. It's where everything is. I'm involved in 8 organizations at school. She's not even proud of that because they don't pay me any money for it. But... I just got awarded like this special thing to do for next semester. It's kind of hard to explain if you don't come here, but it's an honor. I don't know if I should just leave everything I've worked so hard here for. Then, transferring all those credits. I may have to repeat courses if they don't transfer and all of that. I'm already here. I could just work really hard and try to graduate fast so I can move out of the house. Even if I were working, I still wouldn't be able to move out because I live in an expensive city. My only way out is either finish fast and leave to another university. I love my school. I wouldn't want to leave just because she's annoying me, but it has crossed my mind because I just don't think I can handle it anymore.
Please help!
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okay this has gotten way to out of control. shes not letting you be you age and live. you need to sit down with her and have a serious talk with her. she should not be acting this way. let her know that she is driving you away! but dont go to another university you shouldnt have to leave the school you love because of your mom. hope this helps good luck!
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Hi,
I think staying at your school is great, but something needs to happen with your mum!
It sounds like she is getting very clingy as she is scared of losing you.
I think you need to tell her that she is suffocating you and that whilst you love her very much, her behaviours are unhealthy and sometimes just plain wrong! And that you need to set some boundaries and she has to follow them, as you are really wanting to live peacefully with her. Let her know that if she can't agree to these terms that you are seriously considering moving out to have your adult freedom, and that would mean moving out of town as it is cheaper.
I am pretty sure that will help her get her act together.
She may need some good support to get through this, so if she doesn't seem to have any, see if you can find some for her. A womens group of some sort? A coffee group, knitting group, any kind of interest group where she can make some friends, discuss her feelings if need be, or just plain forget about you and start having some of her own fun! It sounds like she really needs some healthy distractions.
Apparently a lot of people her age go through a freaky empty nest thing, where they can either embrace it, grow and have a great time, or sort of sink into a black hole. Help your mum not to sink.
I would love to hear how you get on! Please leave a comment, or even better, write another question through my column (ask bewise a question) so I can answer you back!
:-)
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That sounds awful. Parents have attachment issues during colleges, because their children are leaving home for good finally (or about to).
But if you're really happy in your school setting and your social environment, I would take courses over the summer so you can speed up your graduation date. Or you could move in with a friend? It's expensive, but easier when splitting it among people. And if these aren't viable options for you, try talking to your mother about how youre an adult now, and she needs to realize this. You may live under her roof but you're not a child anymore. Thank her for supporting you financially, and emotionally. But in order for you two to have mutual respect, boundaries need to be set. She's probably worried she's going to lose you forever and is trying to involve herself in your life at the last minute.
You're both adults. Sit her down and talk to her, and if that doesn't work, I would say transferring is your last resort.
Good luck!
-LoveSucks
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