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Why does my mom favor my younger brother
I'm 12 years old and my younger brother is basically 11. My mom has to spend days reminding him to do stuff like dishes or laundry but he never gets in trouble. My mom said if he didn't do the dishes on a certain day he wouldn't get his Ps2 right, he doesn't do it and the day after he gets it. Me, she told me to clean my room in an hour she never said when I had to start doing it and if I would get punished, after I do my home work(which takes an hour) my mom comes in and says, "Not done? No T.V. for a week." I clean my room after and nope, nothing I'm still T.V. free. Another example, there's no swearing in our house. I call Ethan a "dumbo" 'cause he's got big ears and I get my art rights taken away. He calls me a F---ing F--- and my mom says,"Don't say that to your sister. I'd get it if he was like maybe 4 or 5 years younger but this is too much.
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Talk to your mom about it. We can't read her mind on the internet. Sorry to be so unhelpful.
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his spoiled. your mom spoils your brother and trust me i knows how it feels. you have to let your mom know that she is doing it. my mom was the same with my brother and after talking to her and givingher a few examples of how she does it she changed and stoped soiling him. hope this helps good luck!
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Hi, I'm old enough to be your grandfather; hopefully the wisdom that comes with age and life experiences will be helpful.
From what you have written it does appear mom is favoring you younger brother. I can't explain why but mothers for some reason do seam to favor the baby of the family. It is very possible that mom is not aware of the fact that she is favoring your brother.
Grandfatherly advise time: Being a girl you are more than just 1 year older than your brother. Your maturity age is more than 3 years older than your brother, so mom may expect more of you. This doesn't make you feel any better when you see your brother getting away with things that she would never allow you to get away with.
Normally I would suggest having a conversation with mom. If mom is truly not aware of her favoritism, having this type of conversation could put her on the defensive and may not let you finish or even get you in trouble. Instead there are a few other things you can try.
Is there an Aunt or older female cousin, close to moms age, that you are close to that you can talk to about this. If so would you be comfortable talking to her and asking her to speak with your mother and telling her how you feel.
Can you talk to your dad about this. You didn't mention him in what you wrote. Does dad see what you're seeing and feeling. If so maybe it would be easier to talk with him and ask him to talk with mom.
The last suggestion I have is to write a note to mom. You start by say mom I love you. There have been time most recently that I am feeling very lonely and picked upon and maybe a little unloved. You go on from there and tell her very much what you wrote to us.
Fact is I know you feeling a little bit unloved right about now. With puberty right around the corner you need your mother closer not farther away. I honestly believe mom is not doing this intentionally and may not be aware she is favoring your younger brother. Approached properly and in a mature manner I know you possess I believe you can work this out with mom.
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It does sound from what you are saying like he is definately favoured.
Favouritism does happen, but it doesnt' make it right. As your mum behaves in these ways, she might get a massive shock if you 'talk' to her about it, as it is unexpected and puts her on the spot. So how about writing her a letter and giving it to her just before you go to bed. I recommend doing something nice to go along with the letter, like making her a card that says how much you love her and why, or drawing her a cool picture, or making something like a cool photo frame with a picture of her, or your and her in it.
There are 5 different ways that people feel loved, and if you find her way and make her feel loved more, then she should warm up to you a bit as well.
The ways people feel loved are:
physical touch, like she would like a cuddle, a massage, having her hair played with, etc.
kind words, like I love you and you are so nice because of how you do all these great things, etc. The words can either be written down, or spoken.
acts of service, like doing things that she would like done, to make her life easier. You have to be clever with this one. Try doing her chores to give her a rest, and let her know you are doing them to give her a break, like making her bed, drying the dishes, making her breakfast, clean the toilet or sweep the floor. Be imaginative. Pick the thing she doesn't really like doing.
gifts, So a nice card, some picked flowers, a picture. They don't need to have cost money, and in fact, as a mum I can say that the things that you do that don't cost money are actually extra special.
time, so just spending time with your mum, doing things she likes. Does she like going for a walk? Ask her if she would like to go on one with you. Does she like playing cards? Offer to play with her. Even doing the dishes together is spending time together.
(sometimes mums need time by themselves to get refreshed too, so if this is the case, be kind, and try the other love languages)
You could also ask her to write you a short list of things that IF you did them, it would show her that you love her. You don't have to do them, but IF you do, she will see the love.
You can give her a list of your own, saying that IF she did these things on your list that you would then feel her love too.
I also recommend asking your mum to write on a piece of paper (and pin it up somewhere for everyone to see) a list of things that you and your brother do wrong, and their consequences. Because you are so close in age, they should be the same for both of you.
for example, if one of you is rude to the other, then you have to do their chores for the day.
If you complain about doing their chores (or any chores in fact) then you get extra chores too!
Your mum needs to set consequences for things done wrong and follow straight away, and the same for both of you.
You can let her know that by her not doing that it feels like she doesn't love you as much as your brother, and also that it is unfair. You can let her know that you would like the chart with consequences and that she needs to follow through. Tell her that it will make her life easier and nicer as their will be less fighting between you and your brother, and that if you know the consequences you would want to try and do the right thing anyway.
Please write back and let us know what you do!
You can leave a comment in my box, or if you want me to answer back again (which I like to do) you can go to my column (bewise) and ask me another question/just tell me how things are going, and i will reply.
I hope it goes well for you!
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Is your baby brother favored? Talk to your mom and explain to her how you feel. Let her know that you feel that you are treated differently and it bothers you. Maybe she has higher expectations for you so when you do wrong or what's not asked of you it upsets her. With your brother things may be different. Just talk to her and see what's going on. Good Luck!
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