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I think I have Paranoia Personality Disorder?
I know you guys aren’t psychiatrists so you can’t diagnose me but I’m just tired of fear controlling my life. I’m 20 years old and I have undiagnosed anxiety. Anyways whenever I go out I’m always on guard, watching my surroundings, if there’s a parked car while I’m walking I get instant fear of getting kidnapped, if I’m on the bus at night and it’s only myself and a guy, if he doesn’t get off the bus before me or if he gets off the same stop as me and walks behind me I start speed walking and usually call someone on the phone quick. I don’t really trust anyone because I feel like people will spread my secrets. I also think people are using me (I’m usually right though people take advantage of my niceness) and I also think people try to one-up me (I’m usually right about that too), sometimes I think people are trying to sabotage me as well so I’m suspicious of peoples intentions, or I think people judge me, I hold grudges a lot for example I was telling my siblings that I hate my voice because these boys in the 6th grade made fun of it and my siblings looked at me like I was crazy. I also don’t feel safe at home I always think someone is going to break in especially at night or when I’m home alone. The reason why I feel like this is because the crime rates in my city have gone up, human trafficking is a big problem in my city as well, when I was in the 6th grade a strange man did try to kidnap me by calling me over to get in his car and when I said no he decided to get out of his car and approach me, while I was playing outside luckily my neighbours mom was outside. Also someone has actually tried to break into my house before. Also my mom always requires me to call her every second to know where I am, I’m not allowed to be out passed 12am. So with all these events happening and my mom putting constant worry in me. I feel like fear is controlling my life any advice?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
In your case, you sound more like a product of your environment, past situations and your Mom being over protective because of those incidents and your neighborhood. At twenty, you are an adult as mentioned and so Mom can't run your life. I assume you live with the parents due to financial reasons.
If the neighborhood is part of the problem, think of any relative you have who lives somewhere else, in a better part of town or even in a totally different city or state. That would be the easiest out, to go live with them while working and perhaps going to the local college. If this isn't a possibility, You may have to do some research. Perhaps join some clubs in safer areas and begin to make friends in safer areas and move out to rent together with new friends in a better place.
Since you live in a high crime area, it is good to have enough of a sense of caution and taking precaution, not making any stupid decisions. However, you are victim to your own thoughts and all of them are of the nature of fortune telling or predicting your near future in the worst possible happenings. So though I can understand why you feel as you do, it doesn't sound like you have mental illness that actual runs in the family that you may have inherited. But that is for a professional to check out.
I seriously also think you need to see someone to get to a point where you do not allow your thoughts to continue to be what a psychologist would call 'distorted thinking'. The distortions of your thoughts are what cause you to overact and carry around a tremendous amount of fear.
This kind of fear will only hinder you from ever making friends or even meeting a nice guy to get into a relationship with because you will always be thinking the worst of him and that will eventually kill any budding relationship.
There are apps where you can have a chosen friend or family member able to track where ever you are whenever they want to check if you give them permission. My daughter has that ability to check on me since I am getting older and she has a concern for my welfare. This is of course the reverse, with the child concerned for the parent. If that would give Mom peace of mind, you might check if anyone knows how to set it up on both your phones. If I am correct, I think it's called "Find my Friend" or it may go by other names depending on the cell phone you have.
Here is the parts I feel are normal as I do the same, since the area I live in has a high concentration of street people on drugs, or homeless and it would be hard to know if a thug were hiding among these types. So if I am walking to my car at night, first off, it has to be well lit. When I walk, I walk with confidence, and always looking around me. Women who stare at the ground and don't tend to look around the area they are walking in, are more likely to get picked on. I learned this in a womens safety class taught at an old place of employment. And yes, I will pull out my phone and pretend to be on it so I am less likely to be attacked if the person knows someone could hear what is happening to you. That is as safe as having a companion with you.
If I know that the person behind me is a male and they are not walking faster to walk past me, it may be nothing. I am not scared at the time I do it, I only do what I do to be careful. I will stop walking so either the person has to stop or they walk on. When I stop, I will pretend to look for something in my purse or do the cell phone thing. I will look at the person as they walk by and then
continue after they have passed. No need to start walking faster. What you may also benefit from is taking a martial arts class and or a safety class done by the local police. You can call the local number, not 911, and ask if they have a self defense, safety class they can refer you to. You will learn lots of good things.
Besides all that, I still say you need help from a mental health specialist, to lean more toward having what could be called a healthy precaution in your thoughts rather than an unhealthy, out of control fear that has taken over your life, yes, even living in a high crime area. When looking for a psychologist, I recommend one who is trained in CBT which stands for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Dr.s with that training will have it in their ads and listing. The reason this is important is that they will look first for ways to work on your thoughts so that your thoughts no longer control your behavior, causing you to act in ways that are of imagined things, not actual things that have happened.
Here, I can explain best using myself in a scenerio. I live with my husband out of our van. Originally it was due to losing our new apt when he broke his leg and couldn't work construction. Now we do so out of choice. However, as I said, the crime in our area is mostly thefts of the homeless taking what they need or the drug addicts so desperate for a little money for their next hit, that they break into homes and steal items to sell for money or pawn. For some reason, they are not into breaking into cars as there are so many inhabited vehicles due to the amount of homeless people increasing. What we have encountered most is having druggies come up to our van to ask if we are selling drugs or assuming we have some and wanting to trick us and steal them. We are not stupid and will not open our doors or roll down windows if someone comes knocking on our driver window at night when we are sleeping. Its always a female asking for help. and her accomplice is hiding in back or way back on the other side if we look into the mirrors. They wait for us to open the door to talk and that's when the man will run up and force you to give up money or ask for drugs. We were once putting groceries in our van when a women walked up and asked if we were selling drugs! The police who are new in the area and haven't seen our van before with its specific stickers on the back windows and don't recognize us, will check out our van with their flashlights even when we are not in it. When I asked, they say that white vans are the most popularly used vehicle for drug sellers. As soon as they can see we are living out of it, they leave us alone. Do I live in fear of a drug addict casing out our van? So. But I know its a possibility considering we park near where we work and the gym membership where we exercise and shower. And this is the area where more homeless and druggies hang out. It is not a bad neighborhood otherwise and these problems are now in every neighborhood of my city, even what looks like nice well kept neighborhoods as I have learned from just talking to people. In my nice neighbor when I once owned a house, someone once smashed a two man sized rock through the back of my husbands vehicle while on another occasion someone threw a fire extinguisher through side window of a car of mine, and the earlier car I had was taken for a joy ride by teenagers and totaled. Crime is everywhere. So our precaution there is to double check we lock our cars and have insurance that will cover damages like this that might happen. This is normal stuff, same as getting a security system for your home. We did. eventually when he lost a job for a while and money was tight, we let the security monitoring go, by we still had the sign by the porch and on the front window that stated this home was covered by a security system and that worked as well to keep anyone from trying. We only got that after two neighbors had break ins while they were on vacation. I hope you see from my examples that its good to take precautions but not to live in total fear thinking that it will happen again to you sooner or later.
So going back over it all:
Take a self defense class recommended by the police, or perhaps a martial arts class.
Find a way to move on your own without parents, but friends or a relative into a safer area.
See a mental health person to work on your thoughts, someone with training in CBT.
I wish you the best dear.
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THe first thing you need to do is to tell your mother that at 20 years of age you are an adult, that she does not have any legal standing as to your wellbeing, the hours you keep, where you go or anything else. In other words she can no longer tell you what you may and may not do.
The next thing is to see your family doctor and be screened for depression and anxiety. Anxiety causes depression and depression cause pain which causes anxiety. I know this as I was once diagnosed with depression and I learned this in therapy.
Your family doctor, will if you are diagnosed with depression, prescribe medication. Take the medication and then find a psychiatrist Board Certified to properly medicate you. Your family doctor doesn't have the training to properly treat depression. Your not crazy most depression, called Clinical Depression, is caused by a lack of hormones secreted in to the brain. A Board Certified Psychiatrist is a medical doctor has done a Fellowship in Psychiatry and past the test required for entry into the College of Psychiatry.
The psychiatrist will treat you with medication and suggest a psychologist for talk therapy to get at the root cause of your depression. It will be hard work but if you work hard there is a light at the end of the tunnel and your depression will lift.
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