|
Please reply as soon as possible
Hi, I haven't tried this site yet, so I hope it works.
I'm a 11-year old girl in middle school, and I need advice. For 2 days now, My crush has promised to actually listen to my origins for Mantodea, the comic we're creating, but he had ditched me and left as soon as I turn my back. What should I do? Every time I ask him to study with him or talk with him, he promises to come talk or help with homework, but he never shows up. Should I give him a few more chances, or should I give up on this stupid comic and crush? Please reply soon, I really need to know what to do.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Work/School Relationships?
I’m not sure this is the right age to be dating, bud. Sure, there are people who are wiser beyond their years, but you’re not the exception to this rule. Even if you’re wiser, that does not mean the guys around you are, so you gotta be patient until you find the love of your life.
But one thing to know is that the right guy for you would be able to keep his promises even on the small things. If he can’t get the small things right, he won’t get the big things right. Often in love, you can’t just judge a guy by first impressions. There’s always more to him than meets the eye.
]
Dear, I am sorry that the boy does not return your affections. When I was your age, I so wanted a girl to like me, and she was not interested. It is hard, and I know it hurts. Also, it is very rude of him to ignore you, even if he doesn't have feelings for you. But I promise you, you will find a boy that does like you! You seem very bright.
Now, about the comic - I would go ahead and continue it without him. It doesn't sound like he has much to do with it, anyway, since he's not participating, so he should not complain. The comic doesn't sound stupid to me! I drew comics when I was younger, too.
Remember that you are special, that your dreams are important, and that you will find somebody who loves you for who you are.
Oh, and one more thing: When you do get a boyfriend, remember that he doesn't have the right to do anything that makes you uncomfortable, such as touching your body where you don't want to be touched. If he really cares about you, he will take "no" for an answer. He might tell you that if you love him, you will do such-and-such. Don't! Dump him, and if he won't leave you alone, tell a trusted such as your teacher or your parents. There are plenty of boys who would be happy just to be with you.
]
I will start at the beginning with what you wrote. If you are saying you have a project for a class where you need to work together with a partner to get credit, then your teacher needs to know he is not cooperating as this will affect your grade. The reason I assume so is that you used 'we're creating' which would mean more than one person, who would be yourself. You also said comic. A comic is a person who is funny or does comedy. So it may be that you meant a comedy, I don't know. If a comedy, this may be an acting class. If a character in a short story, a comedian, this may be for a language arts class. If it is not for either and you are simply trying to create a story as a way to catch his interest, that way is not working, at least not with him.
In case you don't know, the Word Mantodea is one of the words for an insect called the Mantis or Praying Mantis.
I can tell you something about males. If they are interested in a girl, they will look for any excuse, even a flimsy one to have a reason to be near her and spend time with her. This includes all ages, from puberty and before until they get old and die. Men are like that, boys too. He may think you are okay for a classmate or friend but not be interested in you as more than a friend. I can't know this at all. But even as friends, a guy has to find there are things you both have in common. This is not a boy-girl thing but the way it goes when it comes to friendship and that is the best place to start with a guy. The reason you are not a friend with every girl in school is because you naturally get along better with some compared to others due to your personalities having some similarities. Its the same with guys.
Now the unfair part. No matter what age, even grown ups, one person can be interested in someone as more than a friend and the other doesn't feel that kind of chemistry at all. I can't say why this is, as the actual reason for two people to initially feel drawn to each other is a subconscious level reaction to having similar pheromones or its easier to say, the thing that causes attraction after the attraction of just the pretty or handsome looks. If the pheromones are similar or the same, two people will be attracted to each other and want to spend time together.
Males do not spend time with or when young and immature, will say one thing, making promises as your crush has but not carry through on it. There is a good reason. Males are afraid that if they do spend any time with a girl they are not attracted to at all, whether personality, looks or both, that time spent with such a girl will only encourage her that he feels the same for her and this would create even more 'unwanted' attention from her. So even though it may seem mean, due to just starting out in boy girl friendships and dating, they have no experiences on how to handle this better and will simply not show up or seek the girl out. This isn't happening just because he is young but this sort of thing happens to adults of any age, even myself after a divorce when I was dating again. There were men attracted to me, where I had no such attraction to them, or the other way around, me attracted to a guy who did not feel the same way about me. So start learning now to cross such people off your list of hopefuls to be close friends or a couple with as it is not going to happen and its not your fault. There is no such thing as a girl being too boring or too unattractive. This however is something we all believe when we were your age. Boys also do not decide to figure out what type of girl they really are attracted to for a forever friend, for a girl to date exclusively, or marry and have kids with someday until they are older. Some figure it out in their twenties and others don't until they enter their thirties. So any dating and interest while still in school, is more for fun than serious as girls tend to think.
Obviously You see now that this guy does not have the same interest in you that you have in him. Keep in mind for all the school years in your future that dating a guy or being friends with one, is a way to practice all this stuff and learn more about the opposite sex, how to understand how they think and what motivates them, etc. Don't take any guys interest at this stage as so serious that he is the one you will marry some day. Guys are more interested in experiencing kissing and sex than actual practicing on the friendship part of a relationship. Even dating couples, and those together for life, married couples, they do best if they are best friends and also have the romantic shared interest in each other. Having one or the other only, does not work. If you ever come up with new questions about dating or interest in guys or how to understand some basics about them, just look me up under columnists, dragonflymagic and write to me from my column.
]
More Questions: |