Gender : Intersex — if you’re confused. Yes, I was born that way. Refer to me any pronoun you like.
And yes, I’m probably younger than you expected.
Also, yes, I like to read books on all subjects. English is a national language in the Philippines if you’re wondering because of historical American colonization.
Also, I turned 18 last April 10, 2019.
Location: The Philippines
Occupation: Student
Age: 18
Member Since: March 30, 2019
Answers: 34
Last Update: April 14, 2019
Visitors: 2597
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Hello! I am 24 and a female and I wanted to ask some questions about my mental heath. I know I am going to get some replies telling me that you aren't a doctor and that isn't what I'm looking for, I just want some friendly advice on what you think or from experience!
Last October, I saw my doctor and he had diagnosed me with obsessive compulsive disorder and anxiety. He put me on 5 mg's and then went up the next time I went in for a check-up and I just had recently gotten pushed up to twenty. That is because, I am in between jobs right now and I have been off for two weeks waiting for clearances to pass so I can start my new job so I've had a lot of free time to sit and just think. I've been worrying about really silly things like out of the blue, I thought my boyfriend was mad at me or seeing someone else and I just cried to him about it because I worried so much that I couldn't stop thinking about it (yes we talked about it and we are perfectly happy and content and with all the time he spends with me, I know there is no way he is seeing someone else, even asked his mom if she thought he was different and she said no). Then I would worry about getting sick, I was going through a girl's instagram page who had gotten a spinal cord injury at 24 (my age) and I was just worrying that something like that would happen to me. So, I called my doctor and told him all of that and he upped my medicine to 20. Now, I've kind of been more in check and noticing, even very small, thoughts that come into my head. One thing I have definitely noticed is that I have been thinking about death a lot recently. I did just lose my grandpop a week ago, which could be a factor. While I'm driving, I'll think about someone running into my car. The other day I thought about how someone could be so sad that they would cut themselves to death. I often think about having a problem with my heart (how my grandpop passed) or cancer (how my pop-pop passed) or something like gastroparesis because I saw a youtube video about how that come come out of nowhere.
Now, where my question lies is in the last thing I brought up. I know before you start these medications they tell you all the risks and one for Lexapro, what I am on, is thoughts of suicide. However, I do not get the urge to run my car into traffic or harm myself in any way. When I think about it, it usually comes from an empathy thing (at least with others self harming) or it is always somebody else, like someone running into my car, crashing into me, it isn't ever me crashing into someone else, nor, like I said, do I ever have the urge to do that. I also thought I should mention that the last few days when I have been worrying a lot about the things I mentioned, I never worked myself into a panic, so I do know that my medicine is working for that. Also, I did speak with my mom about this and told her everything. She was on Lexapro when she was my age, stopped, got back on, and had awful thoughts so her doctor put her on something else. She said that she believes what I am thinking is just thoughts, since it is not urges or me feeling like I need to do something to myself, or someone else, that I do not have to worry. Mind you, I am going back to school for my master's in therapy so I am quite intrigued by the brain, mental illnesses, learning about the minds of criminal like Bundy, and why people do what they do. So my mom said with my being interested in this kind of thing, losing both of my grandfather's to tragic illnesses, and having a lot of free time to think about everything, I should not worry about thinking what I've been. I also started the whole conversation with "mom, I think it's something worth mentioning but I don't want you to worried, because I'm not worried" and I'm not. I would be if I had gotten an urge to hurt myself or others, aside from just thinking about other people that do, but, again, I have not. I am starting my new job tomorrow, also, I'm eager to see if by keeping my brain occupied and having purpose again, if this will stop.
Question being: if you have anxiety or depression or anything, do you sit and worry or think about death? Do you think it seems worrisome? (link)
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That’s normal. Nearly everyone is aware of their mortality when a loved one dies, and it bothers me that people don’t ask questions about it more since they’d have to prepare themselves for what could happen in the future. It’s a lot like introducing kids to the changes in puberty, since everyone is going to go through the experience eventually.
A lot of religions around the world talk about pondering on their death and so do many innovators. Steve Jobs said once that remembering his death motivated him to realize that his time on Earth was limited, and he wanted to live his legacy before it passed.
In Christianity, it is called Memento Mori, where the practice is done to be able to have a deeper gratitude for the chance to live that God has given. In Buddhism, the Buddha talks about realizing how you will lose everything material you have in death, and how love is what truly lasts.
Normal is not always good. A lot of people have to talk about it more. It’s not thinking of death that is bad, but how you deal with these questions.
Best of luck.
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I have met a person who has become a very important person in my life. From the beginning he's always asked me for honesty, and I have tried my best to give that to him. However when I open up it makes him question who I am and things I've said before because things "don't add up" or because I have kept a few things from him and later told him. We are now on good terms and are working on all our issues. Just today I was thinking about what we were talking about and what he was asking of me, and realized yet again I forgot to mention I have a class with someone I used to associate with, not an ex, not a hookup or a random fling, but a person I would text and would caught up with after a few years. I know I should tell him but I fear losing him, I also fear its too late and that I can't say anything now because it'll make it seem I was keeping it for a reason. But that is not the case on everything that I am there is nothing between us I do not speak to this person. What do I do? And how should I come about mentioning it? (link)
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It’s not a healthy relationship to believe that someone who’s just a random friend would make someone jealous. You say he’s been making progress, along with you too, and if you trust that, go ahead and say it. Healthy romantic relationships allow people to make friends after all. You can’t really survive as the only two people in the world after all.
The thing is is that it’s impossible to say everything about you at once, and even if you do your best to say things as quickly as possible, you can’t mention everything. It’s not forgetting to mention something, it’s just that it takes time to mention some things and to get to know each out.
Trust doesn’t mean you have to share every detail of one’s past or life, but the essential things about you in the present. The past is gone. Know each other as you are now.
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I've had a boyfriend for quite some time now, and I'm starting to doubt my feelings for him. He's a sweet guy but he's really bad at knowing how he feels and what he wants. I, on the other hand, have a pretty good idea of what I want in life and I often feel like he doesn't care about me. I tried to talk to him about this but he mostly said things like "I don't know what I want I'm sorry" and also "I don't know how I feel".. Should I stay with someone that doesn't even know if they like me at all? I hate the thought of breaking up with him but right now I just don't know if this is still a healthy relationship. (link)
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Maybe he’s just the shy type. Some people aren’t really lying and some people don’t really know what they’re feeling or even how to express it.
Especially if you’re just starting out with this relationship. Some people deal with this insecurity of it not working out by getting suspicious and forcing the other to talk. Others deal with it by withdrawing, getting shy and staying quiet. Often this accomplishes the reverse, and gets them extra nervous to say it. Falling in love can get people really nervous sometimes, so maybe take it easy on him.
Start by asking him to figure out what he does not want. Let him think over it slowly if possible. Some people genuinely are just bad at knowing what they’re feeling, like some people are bad at math or singing. Maybe push him a little to at least express things in writing or text. Then inch up slowly to him being more direct.
For more information, search on attachment styles. Maybe on enneagram, if you want more in depth psychology.
Give it some time first, and if it doesn’t work out, it’s your decision anyway.
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Should i break off my marraige of 7 years
My husband has a gambling problem and we are aleays broke
I met another man 2 months ago i love him but he is living with his sistet
I dont know if he loves me of is just looking for a place to stay
Im confused
Please help (link)
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Here is a list of your issues. Let’s deal with them one by one.
1. Questioning whether your husband loves you or not.
If he is trying to change and still trying to show that he loves you, he does. If he apologies on something, then breaks his promises, create even larger impossible promises, and then breaks it to apologize again, that’s a very bad sign. Search for the cycle of domestic abuse to make sure.
2. You love another man.
Note that you just met him for 2 months. Are you considering this because you actually love him or you want an escape from all your problems where you believe that true love will solve all issues in life? News flash, if it is, it’s not. Either way, will it actually work out? Cheating in a marriage can be a big turn off for the guy.
3. Financial issues.
Find a way to get his hands off the money please. Call your local social worker for help or a glamber’s support group. Find one of those financial skills blogs, possiby benefit from crowdfunding or ask help from more financially savvy family or friends. You’re welcome.
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I was in the poultry department today and the nice looking guy behind the counter asked me what was I cooking, I said fried fish, spaghetti, mac n cheese and peach cobbler and he said oh that sounds good, and he said ill bring the wine...I just lol....was he making a move and my silly but was too silly to see that.... (link)
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You can’t just assume someone is making a move on you just because they’re nice. I don’t think being a decent human being is always a way of flirting.
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I'd like to stop using OTC medicines. I'd like a recommendation for a book that has great reviews and since I'm new to this any advice is greatly appreciated. (link)
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Hollistic medicine? You might want to find a book, session or class for energy work if you ask me. A lot of Eastern exercises focus on the flow of chi, kundalini, reiki and whatever the culture calls it in their language anyway (Chinese, Indian and Japanese words for it respectively.) There’s even a whole forum on energy work if you check.
There is also said to be mention of this energy in the Bible by academics, where in Genesis were God was said to be giving the “breath of life” to create human beings, the original Hebrew term for the word was actually called “Ruach.” And the Kaballah Tree of Life featuring the realm of values each Archangel watches is strangely similar to chakras. As much as the crown chakras in Eastern religions look exactly like haloes in ancient paintings. Interfaith practitioners often find this strange.
Exercises like tai chi, yoga (especially kundalini yoga, but that’s advanced and bad for the unflexible.), reiki work, qigong, and even martial arts are often associated with these energies in work. I read some books on it for the technical parts, but it’s harder to imagine these practices without some kind of video.
And that’s about it.
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I’ve been through so much in my life... growing up with alcoholic parents and alcoholic friends as an only child. Pretty much gotten 2 DUIs... and gotten in trouble for shop lifting I have to pay this class and money. I’m going to be 25. My parents are 64! My parents relationship ship has always been pretty bad fighting a lot my mom is a big time alcoholic. With still going through this court stuff without having a license and not being able to drive.. my mom fell back on her head had to get stitches, my dad is on disability with his knee, they have to get a loan on the house, I have deal with a bf that is an alcoholic we were off and on. I’ve lost his trust but he’s done crazy shit though as well from alcohol but yet I stay with him because unfortunately now I believe I am dealing with depression, anxiety, social anxiety, ocd I don’t even know what else. Everything is fucked up! And it’s affecting my work. I’ve isolated myself a lot and ignore people because well look how my life has been, I’m always negative now or think bad. I think there is something wrong with me mentally and because everyone pretty much drinks and parties and with my life I’m ashamed. I’m embarrassed. I’m depressed. THIS IS where I’m wondering if Isomething is wrong with me because I just want to ACT NORMAL AT LEAST U KNOW. I’ve done research it’s normal to have intrusive thoughts? I’ve had those where I thought I would harm someone even though I would not at all!!! But it makes me act weird or I feel like I’m acting weird. I’m all quiet at work I have no idea what to talk about, I’m stuck inside my head, I look at my co workers and see them looking at me or been asked if I’m okay. I’ll do weird stuff to avoid talking to people... kind of pasting or always finding stuff to do or sometimes talking out loud like “what was I going to do” or on my phone a lot or quiet. Even my body movement shows I’m uncomfortable. I feel uncomfortable a lot. All of sudden I’m not me. I’ve tried different anti depressants the longest one I have been trying right now is 10 mg of Prozac. Today I had it with little coffee and ciggs which is stupid bad for anxiety right? I tried half alzapram I’m prescribed 0.25 but I went home early I was getting paranoid, dizzy, nauseas.. I keep constantly googling what is wrong with me or the medication I have tried. I’ve been out of it... bad memory I almost thought I have a brain tumor or am I Austic or just fucking losing it. God help this sounds like a shit show. (link)
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Try to look up Complex PTSD, often a PTSD based not only on situations like wars but an abusive childhood. It’s because when you’re still a child, you’re still vulnerable, and it’s easier to get traumatized for it.
Try to find a therapist in your area, or find a volunteer listener from the live chats in the website 7 Cups of tea. Go to traumahealed the website to find ways to cope, and look for Dr. Pete Walker’s website and books for more professional advice on it.
Feel free to go to Palouse Mindfulness for audio relaxation techniques for anxiety issues for free. It’s backed up with a lot of scientific research, and it might really help you.
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I need help with coming out to my Christian family, they are against lgbtq and really homophobic and don't accept any lgbtq and always say that it's wrong, but I completely disagree and need help coming out, so how should I approach it (link)
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Show them an article on how Pope Francis accepts LGBT people. Situation solved.
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I’m a seventeen year old whos a senior in high school I suffer from a bad case I’ve social anxiety it’s my last year of high school and it’s almost over and I want to get if my shell and make some friends but I’ve tried everything I try to focus on other people, I try to make eye contact and smile at people but I just ends up being creepy, I try to compliment people’s outfits and ask questions, I even take medicine for anxiety but nothing works. I don’t know what to do I know people aren’t really focusing on me and they are focused on there own lives but I can’t help being anxious. If you could give me some advice I would really appreciate it (link)
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Try some cognitive behavioral therapy for social anxiety from free work sheets online, or try exposure therapy for it. Start from the smallest progress you can do and start building up from there.
Try to look for a list of conversation questions online, or look for the website succeedsocially for even more good advice. You’re welcome.
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I've installed MySQL 5.7 on Ubuntu 18.04 after the installation it shows ERROR 1698 (28000): Access denied for user 'root'@'localhost, how to resolve this please let me know? (link)
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I think you need to sign up for a programming forum because there’s barely anyone who can ask questions like that here. Other than that, people can’t answer a question like this without you putting enough detail in your code and what to do with it.
A lot of beginners just mispell some small detail and in the code, and considering computers are very absolute, you have to make sure all the commands are exact.
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I didn’t feel good at all today and i wanted my dad to come pick me up. He told me to go to the nurse and get my temperature checked first and i lied to him and told Him that I did, which i didn’t. When I walked to the office he asked me so you’re telling me that you went to the nurse and your temp was 100 degrees” i tried to cover up my lie but then the office assistant called the nurse and she said that she saw nobody that day. I knew immediately that i was busted and burst into tears. I felt so guilty and scared for the consequences. He told me in the car to never lie to him again which i immediately agreed with considering how scared i was. He dropped me off at home and headed back to work. I’m extremely anxious for my mom and dad to come back home because i know what i did was wrong and i don’t want to loose their trust. What should I say to hopefully not get any consequences and not make them even more mad than they already are? :( (link)
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If you think they are immediately going to disown you for making a lie like this, then either you’re wrong or they’re terrible parents.
Take some deep breaths and check out some relaxation techniques online. Maybe find some self compassion exercises online because you seem too hard on yourself. Sometimes when we do bad things, we just need more of a break and that’s our way of acting it out.
Take care.
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Hi so, I'm gonna make this as short as possible. I'm a freshman and just got called for an on-campus job. Potential problem is, I'm taking 18 credit hours/5 classes (ungodly amount, I know). I'm just finishing up my first year core stuff (Bio 2, Chem 1, Pre Calc, all with labs and American lit and music appreciation online). I took most of them in high school. This is the first and the last time I'll be doing this, as a result my remaining semesters will be lighter. I just wanna get some experience in the workplace for my resume (1st job) & extra cash. So should I go ahead and nail the interview or pass it up? Thanks. (link)
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There’s no risk in taking the job if you want to, you know. A lot of people often mention possible risk when making decisions on this site, but you mention none.
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I got an email from a business frat whose info session I went to saying they selected me to join an invite-only portion of recruitment based on my interactions at coffee chats and info sessions. But, I didn't go to their chats and left the info session before the networking portion and I don't know anyone in the frat. So how did they choose me?/Should I go to the event they invited me to? (link)
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It’s the internet age, bud. Anyone can look up your info online to find new recruits.
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I'll try to make this as brief as possible, but I just hate school. I didn't always hate it, even when it was bad. I went to a christian school with extremely poor academics but a wonderful community for six years, then spent highschool in a competitive arts school. While I always had some kind of underlying depression and anxiety issues, highschool brought it out in full force. It was a terrible experience and I've told everyone who will listen that I will not re-live it.
I was pretty set on my decision not to go back to college because of this. I have never had a long term goal in life, the closest to one I had was to graduate high school, which I barely made. But with a dog and a girlfriend who I aim to do the best for, I realized I have to further my education in some way to get paid enough to thrive.
The issue still remains- I hate school. I hate it so much I feel sick and the thought of going back gives me such a fight or flight reflex that I feel like I should be medicated for it. The thought of putting a pencil to paper in a classroom while a teacher (or now professor) lectures about something, interacting with other students, taking tests- it all makes me want to flip. I despise every aspect of it, but I know I need to get over this to make money.
How do I get past this? Is it even possible to make money without going to college or trade school? I used to not care about being poor, but I don't want that for those who'll be living with me. I just... really hate formal education. (link)
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Maybe you can try homeschooling, online school or independent self study (unschooling).
Start by searching the blog, “I’m Unschooled. Yes, I can write.”
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I had to make a pause in playing games as I had my university exams.
After I've returned I fill a bit discomposed.
Most of the forums I used to love a year ago are dead now. I can't communicate with other people there, because no one actually is online!
Is that true and forums are dying? Am I getting old and young men communicate somewhere else on the Internet now? (link)
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It’s not forums that are dying. It’s the forums you were on that were dying. Find new ones.
Also, Facebook and Twitter are forums. Did you know that?
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Should I save up for expensive shoes, or just buy cheaper ones now. (link)
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If you buy cheaper shoes, the more likely they’ll break and you need to get new ones in the long term. If you buy more expensive shoes, chances are it will last enough for you to get enough money for other things. When buying, think quality over quantity.
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So I’m about 6ft tall and I’m pretty slim, but the thing is I’m a size 13 (UK), which is really big for someone of my build and height. I people like to stop me in the streets and make their jokes or try and guess my size but I didn really care. My friends like to make a joke out of it and it’s been a recurring thing for years. Since they started, I feel as if I’m getting more and more insecure about them so now I pretty much avoid going out when unless I have to. I hate how big my feet are. I’d appreciate any advice on how to tell my friends to stop and/or how to cope with my situation, seeming as I’m stuck with these clown feet for life. (link)
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I’m sure if they’re true friends, they’ll stop if you explain how you’re feeling about your feet. When someone’s that tall, most people see your height when they first see you rather than their feet. Besides, there’s no reason people would spend time obsessing over thinking about how big your feet is. That would tell me more about what’s wrong with them, than you.
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I’m from Kazakhstan. Hello to all. I'll start with the fact that I'm too trusting and kind. and this is my problem. Many will say that this is such a good thing, but the main problem is that I can’t say “no” to anyone. If they say that they have a problem, I will immediately help them. if they say that they have not done their homework, then I will give them everything I did myself. but today was the last straw for me, my friend wrote off from me and told the teacher that he did it himself. help, how to learn to refuse people??? (link)
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Read resources on assertiveness, aggression and passive aggressiveness. It’ll help you understand how to deal with conflict issues.
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So I want to call out this person so bad cause she’s starting to annoy me anytime I talk to her she’s mouthing what I’m saying while I’m saying it to her, at first she’s never done it but now every time I talk to her her mouth moves while I’m saying something. I don’t really notice her do it to anyone else. I have another friend as well she’ll repeat what I say to her but I understand why she does it because English isn’t her first language and she does it to other people. Should I call her out on it or just leave it alone? Maybe I don’t speak clearly or loud enough? (I’ve been told I talk too quiet but when I talk normal suddenly I’m too loud) any advice? (link)
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Sometimes when learning a new language, people learn ways to pronounce a new word by looking at how they mouth their words. Other than that, there are certain disabilities that affect speech in a way that people find it hard not to stutter without concentrating on mouthing things, or hearing problems.
I say if it concerns you, just ask them about it. Better to let the elephant out of the room than make things awkward for both of you.
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University is such a competitive environment people will help you but at the same day they’ll always try to one up you. I told my friend that I was planning to do a certificate to add to my major so it’ll be easier to find a job. We’re in the same program now all of a sudden she wants to do the certificate. I told her after I graduate I wanted to do a different program and all of a sudden she’s doing that program as well. I have another friend I told her how I joined a couple of school clubs related to my program now all of a sudden she wants to join the club too cause it’ll look good on her resume. Why can’t people do their own thing? It’s starting to get on my nerves what would you do in my situation (link)
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You complain about university being competitive, and then start feeling hostile when others’ receive suggestions from you. They don’t sound envious. They sound like they look up to you.
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