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I need advice!!!
I’m from Kazakhstan. Hello to all. I'll start with the fact that I'm too trusting and kind. and this is my problem. Many will say that this is such a good thing, but the main problem is that I can’t say “no” to anyone. If they say that they have a problem, I will immediately help them. if they say that they have not done their homework, then I will give them everything I did myself. but today was the last straw for me, my friend wrote off from me and told the teacher that he did it himself. help, how to learn to refuse people???
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Solid advice told you everything I would have said. I would like to say that being kind and wanting to help others is not a weakness. However, here is a way to look at it, if a person is asking for help, it is best to protect yourself and say no. If someone has not done their homework, you suggest they ask the teacher for more time to complete if they have a valid excuse. If they say they simply have a problem with one question, they aren't going to learn by being provided an answer. If you do either thing, you are not helping them.
The way it works is the teacher reads the answers to homework and tests to see if anyone is having trouble consistently. That alerts the teacher to spend extra time explaining the things a student does not understand. If the student is being lazy, that too needs to be known and a teacher won't know if you do whatever anyone asks you to help with. Now that you know a second reason you shouldn't do something like this just because a person asks, remember and next time say NO.
I will add in a warning. There are bad people in the world just looking for someone too trusting so they can take advantage of you, in many cases it is to rape and kill. The men doing this have to get more creative so they try to think of a way to get a woman to not stop at look at the situation as odd, just react because the man has asked something like, "I found a dog running loose in this parking lot. It's in my car, can you help me with finding its owner. Women tend to be drawn to anything like babies and cute little animals and their natural nurturing instinct kicks in and they walk with the guy to his car where there is no dog and he hauls them off in his car. There were reports of this being done. A twist on it would be , I saw a kid trapped in a hot car and I have nothing to break the window, do you think you can help me. For any situations like this, you have to think ahead, maybe he does need help or a kid is locked into a hot car. In this case, you say no, I can;t help. Run to the nearest establishment without getting any closer to him and note which aisle of cars, then call for police. You can point out to them when they arrive which aisle this man was hanging out in. they will check all the cars and if there is no child stuck in a car, they will question the man who may be trying to lure trusting women close to his car so he can take off with them. So with my latest example, I hope that you also see that being too trusting and not thinking of calling in authorities for example, can also be a death sentence for you if not just a rape if you are female.
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It’s not about refusing people but more about refusing things that are wrong and or are using you. In your mind you know what isn’t right and have to trust your gut and say no. I think what is holding you back is that you are scared of losing friends and being ignored or alone. Trust me, the people who are real friends will always be there but the people taking advantage of you will move on and that’s a very good thing. Say yes only to that which you know is right and not unreasonable or a person using you to get ahead.
You also need to come clean regardless of any penalties about the fact people have been stealing your homework or demanding it and passing it off as something they completed and let them deal with it or you’ll wind up later on with them wondering who is copying off of whom and be stuck. In college it’s an automatic boot out the door. You have to put an end to this situation as it can affect academic standing.
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