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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
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I (24f) have been charged with a felony offense. For the sake of protecting my identity and not jeopardizing my plea deal, I'd prefer to not say what I did exactly. I will say it was a criminal negligence type of offense and that my actions caused real harm to others.
I'm currently being offered a plea deal which will involve being sentenced to eighteen months in prison. I've decided to take the deal, despite my lawyer's insistence that we could potentially beat the case at trial. Maybe he could get me off, I'm not sure. But I just don't feel like that would be right. I know I'm guilty and feel like I should accept my punishment.
I recently told my parents about my decision and they seem to think I'm out of my mind. So do the friends that I've talked to about this. Am I really the crazy one for thinking I should have to take the consequences of my actions? I know living with a criminal record won't be easy, but it's my own fault that I'm in this mess. So shouldn't I have to own my mistake? With so many people telling me not to do this, I can't help but wonder if I'm making the wrong decision. What do you think? Am I wrong for wanting to own my mistake?
No one can be wrong for owning up to their mistakes. However, the courts today have so many rules and loopholes in law that don't justly take into account the crimes so that hardened criminals can take plea deals and get off to walk the streets and endanger someone else. That is wrong.
In your case, without knowing what the offense is, I am guessing that there may some reasons you have been suggested to take a plea deal. Here are some of my ideas. It may have to do with whether this is a first time offense and you have no past records, perhaps your age, being young and having your whole life ahead of you, whether the offense was truly accidental such as brakes failing on your car causing you to hit and kill someone. Knowing that the offense was truly unintentional, not pre-meditated. Does your plea deal include statement that you never did what you are charged with doing? If not, then you are not trying to deny you did wrong, but simply get a lighter sentencing due to whatever circumstances the lawyer and judge will see as important to take into consideration. I will use a wild number like giving you 5 years in prison, if not using a plea deal. Your lawyer probably wants the judge to look at mitigating circumstances. I have no training as a lawyer or judge, but here's what the explanation of mitigating circumstance is off the internet: Mitigating circumstances are factors connected to a defendant or a crime that can lessen their blameworthiness or the severity of the punishment. These circumstances do not act as a legal defense to excuse the criminal act itself, but instead provide context for the court to consider. The purpose of presenting these factors is to argue
for a more lenient sentence. A court’s recognition of these factors is not an acquittal, but an acknowledgment that specific details warrant a reduction in the penalty, allowing the justice system to tailor a sentence to the individual. ( https://legalclarity.org/what-are-mitigating-circumstances-in-a-criminal-case/ )
With this information hopefully you have the clarity and the peace in making a decision which way to go.
Hi everyone,
I hope this doesn’t come off as too long and far out there— I’ve been going back and forth about whether to post this, but I could really use advice how to deal with this. For some perspective, I am single woman, early 20's.
Back during Covid, I became gamer buddies with a married couple — let’s call them Jim and Joan (I learned later they were in their early 50's). They were in a clan I joined, and they were one of the few people that treated me like a person rather than "oh yea, WTF is a girl doing here playing this game". I ended up bonding with them, and given the rough patch I was having dealing with issues with my mom, honestly I kinda looked up to them as a "pseudo-mother/father" (tho knowing my father, truly was irreplaceable). I often would spend hours and hours gaming with them, so we ended up sharing a lot about our lives (admittedly more so on my part)which is pretty rare for me since I am usually not one to share feelings so openly. It felt like one of those once-in-a-lifetime friendships honestly, where no matter how much time went by, you would just pick up where u started.
Unfortunately, I had a rough time being out on my own and making ends meet, so 2023 saw me drastically curtailing my gaming time.. It was during this time of 9 months inactivity, that things kinda changed — and I always wondered if it was because of me. When I finally got straightened out and had money/time to game again, I reconnected with Jim. And I was hoping to do the same with Joan, but I never saw her online but a few times, and it felt so strange because she didn't say a single word to me othert than "hi",
After playing several months with just Jim, I skyped him out of curiousity and that was the first time we saw each other (which honestly was kinda awkward). After I did this (a mistake?), that's when things really changed . I was told shortly thereafter by Jim, that his wife Joan said that she doesn't want to game anymore, and especially with you". He offered no explanation, other than to suggest that "he thought it might have to do with me being a young woman". Now the thing is, before there weas never once any indication his wife had any issue with me. I also will say that I never once thought of Jim in any romantic way. I simply thought they were nice people, qualities I would appreciate in anyone.
I carried a suspicion that they didn't have many friends between the both of them, especially Jim, and I won't lie, this kinda made me feel empathy for him in a way. Joan once told me his life was always "rough" because of how his father and other s mentally abused him. I would notice that after some prying (which was a lot of fun for me) he would open up to me a lot when his wife wasn't in the discord chat we made for our group, but I noticed that all changed when I thought it would be a nice surprise to skype him and show him what I looked like. I can't even recall why I did it, I didn't put any thought into it other than "it's a normal thing to do, right?"
It was after that his entire demeanor changed, he immediately up a wall, and just didn't want much to do with me afterwards. When I saw him in-game, and I would send him a message like what's up or invite to group and all I would get is ghosted or he would give these lame reasons aka "why he has to go" or "go after one match". When I finally called him out one night on how he and his wife were treating me, all he said was "you are too attactive". When I heard this I honestly just didn't know what to make of it, to make you fully understand, this was a man that once said things like "you were the daughter I wished I could have". Not exactly the thing you would say to someone you had a secret crush on. What they don't know is I wished they would be the mother and father I could have "again". Part of me being rough on my self, though wow maybe he was thinking I wasn't attractive actually. Truth is I know I am at least, pretty. It just feels weird to me, being told that "you are too attractive" as a reason to ghost someone, I mean who does that?
The hard part for me in all of this is, after having a tough time being pushed out of the house by my mom (this is a deeper worse story I'd rather not get into), I was counting on them to be the friends I remembered them to be.. Personally, knowing what I know now, I think Jim's wife is behind the scenes controlling who he’s allowed to see — and her telling him she can’t game or chat with me anymore is just so he can't either . I think she in insecure. And what hurts the most is… he went right along with it. They both needed a good friend and I was willing to be that for them both.
I’m felt confused and honestly kind of heartbroken. I don’t know whether I should confront them both if I get the chance, or if I should step back entirely and accept that maybe this friendship has run its course. I don’t want to make their situation harder, but it’s painful feeling pushed aside like this.
Any advice or kind words would really mean a lot right now. Thanks in advance for taking the time to read — I’ll be sure to rate and appreciate everyone who responds.
Hi, it's not too long. In fact, I think I need some things cleared or explained before I even try to give my take on it.
By joining a clan, I assume it must be a gaming clan, not a family clan, right? Also wondering since you mentioned their age if all the people were older or if some were closer to your age.
When you shared about your life, was there some happy memories to share as well as the dark stuff?
After the 9 months, did you connect with others in the gaming clan as well as Jim or only him? Since you saw Joan rarely online, did you ask Jim if he didn't mind saying what was going on for her? You state later that you played only with Jim. So what happened with the other people who played? Were you not able to connect with them either? Was Jim the only other person playing this game? It sounds like you only tried connecting with Jim, no messages addressed to both of them or to any other members of the clan, is that correct? When you put pressure on him for reasons of ghosting, and the answer "You are too attractive" came, did you think those words were what he was thinking only or did you wonder if those words were spoken by Joan? Now you mention that they don't know that:
you wished they would be the mother and father you could have "again". I wonder why you chose not to mention it to them earlier on when things were good? When you ask who would ghost a person simply because the only reason stated is that the person is too attractive, who does that, I wonder if you truly don't know or if you know why but wanted Jim to break trust with Joan because of how much you felt they could fill the gap left by your own parents.I know you don't want to explain in detail, but you did say Mom pushed you out, not parents, so I assume Dad is not in the picture. Do you feel if Dad was in the home and making decisions as well, that you might not have been kicked out? You are of course close to the situation but I am not so I can look in from the outside but of all the things that could have been going on, so without really knowing either of them face to face, not on screen, that may Joan was controlling or maybe insecure, or there may be other things at play here.Next you state:And what hurts the most is… he went right along with it. So here I feel that there are assumptions, explanations in your mind why Jim would go along with it and that none of them are valid reasons for him to do this. I am left in the dark, not knowing what you are thinking, in depth about why, and whether you are open at all to any other possible reasons. Your last words are that you feel pain at being pushed aside, is that just by Jim? Do you feel the same pain regarding Joan? And lastly, how do you feel about each of your parents other than mentioning your Dad was irreplaceable and I wonder if was means he has passed on or if you used 'was' instead of 'is'.
Thank you, Dragonfly
I am a 36 year old female and wanting to move out , but my mom has lied to me all my life saying since she is my payee I have to live with her , but I called social security to confirm and they I don't I can move out and leave her as my payee , so I called my sister she said she would talk to her about letting me move, my sister explained to her even though that I have mental health issues I am still considered a legal adult and need to be given a chance to try to move out on my own and given some independence . The problem is she found my birth certificate and name change paperwork, but refuses to look for my social security card, so had to call so security and make an appointment to get new one and she also refuses to look for my bank statements I need 3 of them because she is my payee the bank won't give them to me unless I have her permission. I don't know what to do and you I don't feel comfortable being my own payee and I don't have anyone else willing to do it besides my mom. I don't know what to do . This is stressing me out. I feel like I am being held prisoner.
You might try calling DSHS Department of Social and Health Services in your area. They can team you up with a social worker who should be able to help you get set up with the help you need. What I don't understand is why all your documents are not in your own filing systems with social security card and other important cards in your own wallet. If Mom is helping right now, all she needs is a photo copy to have the numbers. One day, Mom will leave this earth and you won't have her around to help. Economic times being bad, she is left to manage your money and it is too tempting to take whatever she needs to pay her own bills. I have heard that problem from many young people who thought that of all people, a parent could be trusted. You may qualify for a caregiver through the state and that person could help get your legal paperwork in order, even though someone else pays your bills, but someone else needs to be aware of whats happening. My husband and I are helping out such a person at our church who has not yet been set up with a payee and care giver. Perhaps there is a church nearby who may have someone willing to help. Or ask sister to help search for another payee for you. I find it suspicious that your mom has lied all this time about your situation. I know of people in your position who are living out on their own and their social worker helped them get set up in housing for the mentally disabled. Its time you had your own place.
So I am in a friend with benefits situation with my ex ,but I would like to start dating other people again and I am not sure how to handle the situation because I would still like to just friends and with my ex but without the sex .I just don't know if I need to have a conversation with my ex before I start dating again or do I need to wait until I am on a relationship with someone?
Be aware that the reason you are friends with benefits with ex, and the reason that he is, may not be for the same reason. Yes, someone you were sexual with is a comfortable, predictable, maybe safe thing. Maybe he feels the same way. Then again, maybe not. There could be some gal or several he sees from time to time and is sexual with and when they are not available, then he can count on you as last chance. I do not know your ex, just that from my dating experiences trying to find someone husband material after a divorce, and had run into all types. One thing I did while dating others was to be honest with each guy I met and let them know that I would be meeting with other guys too until I found one I wanted to stick with solely so I could focus closer and see whether he would be the right match long term. It seemed that all the guys understood that very well and no one became upset by my revelations. So if it were me, I would be honest and let him know I was ready to start dating again but would like to stay friends, however without the sex, as that would be a hard thing for any new boyfriend to accept if it were any other guy, but his girlfriends ex? I don't think any male is going to have that sit right with him. Its enough of a stretch to let a perspective boyfriend hear that you are chummy with your ex. If your ex wants to drop being friends and won't accept your terms, then so be it. If you worry more about losing him as a friend than being free to date, then perhaps you might want to revisit the idea of being married to each other again.
Ok so here goes ex and I just started being friends again awhile and we have decided to be friends with benefits because we are both not ready for a commitment right now but the problem is we both still live with our parents even though we are both adults and we don't have a lot of money to get hotel every time we want to have sex. I was thinking about asking him to go half on a hotel with me because I just don't feel comfortable doing it in a car or someplace else and I don't feel like it's right for us to do it in our parents home when there I have already said no to that idea. Any other suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks
Wow, well no I don't have any suggestions. The only thing I can think of is adult children who get a separate place in the backyard, a little cottage, shed turned into a mini home, or an old rv and that way have some of the privacy a young adult much wants. If the property at your or his parents is big enough, it might be something to work toward. You might watch some videos of Tiny houses and start getting some ideas. Don't have any immediate solutions for you.
Hi, this is the woman that wrote a while back , “ What’s my next step?”. Thanks for the reply. So while I was waiting for the reply I was thinking about the situation and for a minute I was thinking yes I am the problem. Maybe I seem too available or too desperate or that I desire company too much. So when I saw you write that I may have come across as needy I was like yeah that may be true. But to be honest I don't know because the truth in the very rare occasions that I confidentially expressed that I struggle to associate with persons and that I desire it seems like a shock to persons. I actually try to be happy on my own. I have tons of hobbies that I do alone. I even travel alone. I just book a flight and go have fun alone.Last Saturday, I spent the day watching movies, on the piano and painting at my apartment. So I do feel complete on my own for some time. Well until I meet someone and then I remember how much I struggle to have friendships and relationships. The same guy that I mentioned who is frequently at my apartment complex now just likes my posts and left me on read after we talked for a bit. I mean he is always there when I am at work so I don't see him. In previous conversations he told me when he usually goes. My other friend is interested in me but again he is not my idea of a partner and well he also just likes my post, send me memes and stuff like that. If I call he answers but he never calls. The women I speak to do not really go out or at least I think so.
I associate more with males and that is my problem but this goes way back to primary school. All my best friends were males except two and I still communicate with these guys from time to time compared to the women who I don't even follow on social media nor have their numbers.
I do pray and focus on my spirituality but I focus my prayers on bigger matters like the housing situation and the job issues I face. This whole friendship and need for a relationship I am not sure why but I pray about it but not as I do for the other things. I guess it is because I cope for a long while doing my hobbies until while doing the hobbies I start crying and feeling like others are making memories with their friends and partners and I am here by myself as I have always been. Again I really don't know what is happening. I feel lost. Depending how this year goes my next step is therapy or something.
You could be right about people just not wanting to be around me because yes I do not talk a lot until I am really comfortable with you. Back home the people I associate with the most are similar to me or understand my personality and that association took more than 3 years to get to the way it is today.
I remember the time after church, coffee hour, when I couldn't stand to listen to the women talk or talk to them, one more time about birthing stories and other such womens conversations. I always found the men easier to talk to. So while the women were all gabbing, I was chatting with their husbands. Nothing wrong with this, some of us just do better in conversation with the opposite sex.
Wondering if you've always been on the shy side. I remember thinking in High School that I wasn't ready for the adult world because of how quiet, introverted and shy I was and asked God for help.
I heard an answer. I followed that advice, at my own pace in a few steps. I remember being more terrified of how staying as I was, would mess up my adult life. If interested, let me know and
will share the story in full with you.
Lastly, I come from another generation when people did not carry around cell phones or get on computer because those didn't exist yet. I have seen how people have gone from relating to another person face to face to doing so only on cell. Cells and computer are great tools but they are a hindrance if relied on solely, for finding and maintaining relationships. Males especially do not do well with cells and pc's and they seem to always say it's because they hate typing or are bad at typing. I always said, great...then we can talk over phone or in person. So the trick would be to start getting out and meeting people who have some of the same hobbies as you, once you feel ready to do so. There is a group on line called Meetup. Here is the link: https://www.meetup.com/
I joined a long time ago and no longer use but it is a great way to meet people with same hobbie. I even remember a mom group for those who liked to take their babies for a daily walk in stroller and end it with a stop for a fruit shake or coffee. So you put in your zip code area and start doing a search for the things you have interest in. When ready, this may be a great help to you
ok umm 25 f. So I dont know exactly where I am going with this but I am just gonna vent and hopefully you can provide me with so advice. But first I want to just express thanks to Dragonflymagic. I have written here before (as a teenager) and you always give well written detailed advice. I am so grateful for that. Currently, I am in another country . I have always dreamt of leaving my country and just living in different countries for a bit. So I was so happy in 2023 when I finally did it. However, the job that I got was not good. I got really depressed to the point that I was always crying and I couldnt pin point the exact reason. At work I would go to the restroom and just cry. I took pills to sleep and just slept for an entire day.Eventually, I told a friend back home and she would then check in on me and when things got worse I joined the gym. Thankfully 10 months after my contact ended and I returned home which was not the best since at home our apartment is really bad and I share a small room with my brother who is 2 years younger. He keeps the room in a terrible state and just doesnt care. So I decided to leave again. This time the job environment is not as bad but it is still hard. But I want to stay in the country because I am not attracted to guys back home. However, I feel like guys here do not find me attractive. At least in this city. the city I was before in 2023 into 2024 yeah. I already made my list off things that I want in a guy but I feel discouraged since I have only had one guy show interest in me since I returned at the end of '24. Although I know that this guy misses the main thing I need in a guy I would have liked that we still spoke and hung out as acquaintances but that is not happening.
The first time he asked me out I couldnt go because it was to the pool in my apartment complex( he has a friend that lives in my building) and well I didnt want 1. be in a swim suit with someone I just met and 2. I did not want to get my hair wet 3. I cant really swim. The next two times he just suggested we get something to eat, dane or go bowling. I said yes to the bowling but he never messaged about a date or anything. And the way he asked was as I said more of a suggestion. Anyway this is why I feel like I am notthe girl that gets the guy. The lack of interest or effort is what I have to deal with and I hate it. There are times where a guy just doesnt put forth effort and show that he really wants me and is willing to do what it takes.Yeah as a woman I am not saying that I wont show effort but I need the guy to do it first because I love hard and once I want a guy I would do the most and I dont want to do that for a guy that is not as interested as I am.And I scared that love dont find me soon. I need it to. Anway on the other hand I am trying to fix things at home in my country but I am not even sure when I want to return. Because of the whole I dont want someone from muy country thing. If I live continuously here for 5 years then I can become a resident but do I want to stay at this job for 5 years no.Looking for jobs here though and ensuring there is no breaks in my visa is hard and I am not sure if it is worth it since I would a resident of two third world countries. Like if I got married and became a resident that is fine but purposely staying for 5 years to do it ? I am not sure. At my job I am a teacher ( grades 9-10) and it is hard. I dont particularly like it but for now I endure because it allows me to 1. escape home for a bit 2. work on some things and 3. live in a new country.But although I am not as depressed as before I still feel emotionally tired, frustrated and confused. I wished had could find the someone so maybe just maybe I would have someone to talk to and just escape a bit with. Sometimes I buy myself flowers just to feel better.Oh yeah I dont really have friends because I am extroverted and just really prefer have 1 person to really let into my bubble. About the friends thing though I did try to open up a bit and let persons into my home since for the first time I have my own apartment and stuff but that didnt turn out well. And it feels like I beg persons to hang out so I just dont anymore and keep to myself.
It's Dragonfly magic again, and thanks for the compliment. I hope you feel the same after I give my point of view based on what you wrote.
At first I thought it might be an age thing with the guys still too immature but as I read on I got another vibe. I may be wrong but if I see this and pick up on it from just a written letter of yours, then I wonder if guys are picking up on it, whether they are aware or not. In a nutshell, I felt there is a strong neediness in you, and again I may be wrong but just basing it off what you wrote. You say you don't have many friends because you are introverted...and I understand that as I was during childhood. So an introverted person, if they have one friend, or lets say one guy to hang with, without saying a word, an invisible energy comes off a person that can affect another person and for some reason, they may not know why, but they feel like opposite ends of a magnet, repeled by the other, not wanting to truly get to know the other. I have a good example story of a time when I was younger and went to a nudist camp. Interestingly, there were two very obese women in attendance. I had a friend or two there but went around trying to meet others. Remember, no hiding behind clothes. I came across a crowd of people and hearing a woman talking, everyone was enrapt, their attention so focused on this person, that curiosity got to me and I had to see what was going on. I forced my way to the front and there sat one very obese woman with rolls upon rolls of chub. She was happily smiling and telling a story and as I said, everyone was interested in being around her. I watched her face and realized she was actually a very pretty person by what I could see of her face, so apparently, I was picking up her self acceptance of her situation and was focused more on what she could do for others, like entertain them. Later I walked on and came across another very obese woman. My own reaction and observances were very different. I was surprised to feel like I did not want to approach her or befriend her, something felt off about her. She felt like she was not happy with her life and waiting for a person to come in and change it for her. It felt like too big a deal to even try to talk with her.
Well, the only one I know who can make a difference in a persons life and already loved me, before I met my sweetheart, is Jesus. He helped me change from being an introvert to the extrovert I was at the time I went to this nudist event. My life has continually changed for the better. I know most people don't want to hear anything containing the word "Jesus" so if offended, that was not my intent. Just sharing how and why it made a difference for me. See, as a kid, I always felt I had to do certain things to be accepted and liked, things and personalities I did not want to be. I wanted to be liked, or loved simply for who I was. That's where Jesus came in. He is real, I've felt him and know now that He has always loved me just as he does every human on this planet but He is a gentleman and won't force his self on anyone. To hear affirmations in my head coming from him sure helps when feeling down or disappointed.
My first husband was verbally abusive and after his yelling at me one time, I prayed and asked God if I had unknowingly said or done anything wrong. . I heard back that I had done nothing wrong and that the husband had simply imagined that my tone of voice was nasty and used that excuse in his mind to verbally attack me. So through it all, I was able to maintain a sane mind and stable emotions. Eventually God said the husband had used up all his chances and was not going to change and left it up to me whether I stayed, in which case I would die in 4 years from the stress of the abuse, or I was free to divorce and leave and so I have been able to see my girls marry and enjoy grandchildren. I did have a coping mechanism I used that a counselor told me he saw and helped me dismantle that. Otherwise, I felt ready to look for a guy that would truly love me. His character was more important than his looks but I still got the long hair on a man that I liked. My whole self was pretty stable and I could stand on my own two feet and I was willing to meet guys but if I could see that who they said they were was obviously a lie when we met in person, then I was not so desperate to have a man that I would put up with just about anything just to have an unstable relationship so I could feel better about myself. Having to buy yourself flowers to feel better is one indicator that you may be trying to find one person who can be your one and all, who is the only one in your life who can fulfill all your needs. Sure I understand needs versus wants in a relationship but only a handful of things should fall on that list such as the woman wants kids so she needs a man who wants this too. Find out ahead of time, rather than two years after marriage. And it is unfair to try to force a person to change who they are so they can better meet your needs. Feeling like you have to beg people to hang out with you is another indicator that something is not right. I did not have the privilege to read any detail about home life and relationships with your family members. I gather they are not going too well but have no idea why so it would seem that you are also running from me, since there is no explanation. For example, if dad is alcoholic and mom is a toxic person who verbally abuses you, I would understand not wanting to be around them and would in fact suggest that you leave. But as I stated, I do not know enough of the situation other than the sharing of a room which sounds more like an economic situation, what the parents can afford, and thus no other place to put you. The way you stated your occupation, it did not seem you were too happy about that either. And I do not understand your need to live in other countries. A college age person traveling the world, seeing what they can before they settle down and marry and raise kids is very understandable but it seems you are traveling not to see places but to find a man. Yes, there are more women tending to be born than men but usually, if a woman wishes to marry and raise kids, she can find someone. It would be best to find someone who can be your best friend and lover, not your only friend, but the one that knows you best and having other friends as well that you have some things in common with that perhaps your man does not have in common with you. An example would be having a girlfriend who loves to peruse the thrift stores while your man is not into that and really dislikes going and probably either refuses and goes dragging his feet with a sour look on his face the whole time while the girlfriend could do this with you for hours! My husbands humor or choice of movies for example are not mine but he knows what I like to watch and will mention a movie that he knows I will like, even if its not his cup of tea. I don't know what else to say Hon, so I will end here and if you have anything else you'd like to share that may be helpful, you can choose my column from list of columnists, dragonflymagic and write to me from my column.
So I am a 35 year old female and this is kind of complicated but here it goes. So I am friends with one my ex's right now but we are truly just friends we are not in a romantic relationship at all we just hang out. The this things I started talking to my other ex again a couple of days ago we are going to meet up to see if we can start dating again. My question is Do I need to tell both of them about each other ? If I do when and how soon ? I just don't want to cause any drama or hurt feelings. But I don't want to mention it to soon either.
I will tell you how I navigated seeing several guys at once and then the choice is up to you as to what you do.
After a divorce, I created a dating profile on PC, not one of those swipe on pics of guys on phone app. Now none of these men were exes. I was just meeting them for first time and would meet each one until something I did not want in a man, was exhibited in his behavior. These first times were meet ups and many did not go to a first date. At the first meetup I was open and honest and let the guy know that I was just exploring to find the guy I wanted to date long term and so I would be seeing other guys. I suppose you could state that you have decided to get together as friends with exes, so not just one, but if anything changed from just being friends to something more, then you would let friend exes know. This is what you will be doing and if he's not okay with it, then you both end friendship now. I gave my guys the permission right at the first meetup to decide how he felt and if he wanted to walk away right then, I was okay with that.
I did find the man I wanted a long term relationship with and we're married now 16 years.
I would like to add that finding a partner is hard to do. There are no classes offering relationship training in HS or college or that age bracket so many of us either luck out or crash and fail. Since I was older and I'd already had one long but bad relationship and had kids to think of, I set up guidelines for myself. Well, I can't take the credit, God helped give that info to me. So I have put what I learned into a document I call "Finding Mr. Right." It certainly helped me to find the one I could truly say was my best friend and also lover. If you wish to receive that document, let me know by choosing "search advice columnists" on left and finding me, dragonflymagic, opening my column and making the request from there.
My mother's step sister is financially abusing her by getting a POA and removing large amounts of money from my mothers bank account. She lied and applied for a restraining order against me and dropped it when I showed up to court. I think she believed I wouldn't show up. What can I do?
I used to be a caregiver and know that all the states have their own agencies to give advice and help those taken advantage of.Since I don't know your state, try this link: https://www.apa.org/topics/aging-older-adults/elder-abuse
See if that link can help put you in contact with agency for your state/area. I wish you the best.
Just so you know, it is common for an elderly or mentally ill person to get help financially but I have only known of the person deciding and assigning whomever they want who agrees to help. So I am sure there are special rules in place when a person cannot make that decision on their own for example as when dementia is an issue.
My son just turned 20 and even before he turned this age he's been disrespecting me and his 16 yr old sister and 8 yr old brother, I'm so tired of the negativity and him being hateful and mean non stop. He has ADHD but claims the reason he's a jerk is because of his anger supposedly stemming from his ADHD. I'm over the pain and hurt from him, I don't know what else to do, he has a job and brings in some money but doesn't drive yet because of his own preferences..I really need some help and some suggestions. Thanks
At his age, he is an adult and you can no longer force him to do anything, even if it was to help him. However, you are the homeowner, so you can do the same as other parents of college age kids still living at home, set down some rules. And yes, I realize that the economy being what it is, that the majority of young adults find a need to stay in their parents home. But that is no excuse, and neither is ADHD for treating some one badly. I suffered all that you are suffering but it was from my first husband, so I left him. In your situation, you are the homeowner so you need to be able to stick with tough love and give him boundaries which if he steps over, he must leave. If he refuses to follow rules and refuses to leave, police must be called to remove him and a restraining order put in. That is where the tough love comes in, so he can't just worm his way back.
You do not mention a partner so I assume this is a single parent home. So it may be a good thing to find a support group of other adults with the same situations. I found one so far by searching online although they put an age restriction of age 50 and up. https://www.facebook.com/groups/1614990078673607/ Its for parents of Toxic adult children.
And next, an article written to help break free of toxic manipulations, the closest I could find to your situation.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/liking-the-child-you-love/202108/breaking-free-from-toxic-manipulations-of-an-adult-child
This got me thinking that therapy is a good thing for you and the rest of your family. Yes, it would be good if your son went to therapy but at this point, sounds like it's gone on for years and I know from the counseling I got, even though I wasn't the one causing trouble in my marriage, that everyone gets affected in ways that can be subtle sometimes but still dangerous and destructive to your life. So perhaps use the 'find a therapist' button and let them know of your situation and perhaps they can even steer you to a support group.
Lastly, I have heard a few stories of times when ADHD or something else was blamed for or assumed to be part of the cause of bad hurtful behavior. I read the bible and there are stories there plus those of people from modern times where once a person was okay, but over time, something changed, and an evil force was able to gain a foothold in a persons life. There is more of a spiritual battle going on than you would believe and yes, even to the point of family turning on members of family they love but in a moment when in the grips of that evil (like a spirit of anger) even killing can happen. So if you attend a church, let them know whats happening and have them help pray to Jesus for a change in your son's life. If you do not attend anywhere, start looking and check if a church has deliverance ministries. You'd have to convince the son to attend unless someone is willing to come to your home. Best to at least check on that and if it turns out, nothing was found, then you can check out more on the Drs. end of things. It could be something other than ADHD that wasn't discovered back when. Last possibility is that the son is exercizing his will and being stubborn, choosing to simply continue behaving this way because he's gotten away with it for so long, think of the battle of wills that start when a child is young like age 2. Yes, it starts early. One daughter at that age was in high chair eating. When she was done, she simply threw her food on the floor, yet I was in the same room but back turned to her. I told her to make some noise or call saying "Mommy" or "done" which she was able to do at that time.I told her that when people drop something on the floor, they have to clean up their mess. Took her out of chair, wet a sponge, placed her hand upon it and held it there while basically just smear the food around on the floor all while she squawked and fought me about doing that. Then I thanked her for helping clean up her mess, released her and finished cleaning up for real. She never ever threw food on the floor again and learned to follow rules I laid out. I never asked something harder than age could handle. I am not sharing and saying you did not do right by your child when he was young, it is just an example that at any age, there can and will be a battle of wills and no matter how tired you get of it, the first mistake, which I will admit to once or twice, is backing down and not enforcing a rule, and basically letting a child 'get away with' bad behavior. And I have seen how just doing so once, the child remembers how they got away with something and repeats the bad behavior again and again. My last child was the most strong willed and her Sunday school teacher told me she reminded her of her own daughter who was a handful to deal with at times. She didn't want to offend but said if I ever wanted tips as to what worked for her, just to ask. I asked right then and there. It ended up her personality was the kind where She stubbornly wanted to make the decisions herself all the time. So with her, she was give two choices, the one we wanted her to choose and what the rewards would be, or the choice of refusing to do so, like a bedtime, and not getting to watch TV and get dessert the next day after dinner. We had to be ready to let her choose to break the rule we set in place. But this kid was smart and reasoned quickly that one choice had bad consequences for her and she never choice it again and we never had the battles and tantrums from her ever again. There are so many things that are best to do with young kids so they have a chance at becoming fairly decent adults. But it is really hard, and not every person learns as a parent that there is a better way to handle their children. I am a grandma now and still wishing I had done some things differently with my kids when they were growing up. But all I can do now is pray. So lastly, that is something you can do or ask other people who are Christians, and do pray, to do for you. This last thing I write about is hard because I want to see instant answers and as the parent of adult children, I can see where each is doing something I feel is not in their best interest, yet I continue to pray for them cus I know God answers prayer (just in His own time and in His own way) I will pray for your situation as well.
So I go t back with my ex in December 22nd and it's now January 13th . We were together the last time for a year. This time not even a month and we are already having issues. The problem is I am starting to fall back in love with again, but he plainly said he doesn't feel the same way when I told him my feelings. He say he appreciates the way I feel about him but he doesn't feel the same way about me , but he also said it's up to me if I wanted to continue the relationship? Why is he wanting to continue the relationship if he doesn't feel the same way about me as I do him? We are not in a sexual relationship yet . If that helps.
You mention a lot but your only question was why hes willing to continue relationship if he doesn't feel in love? Thanks for adding that its non sexual since that is usually the most common reason, free sex for the guy as long as the gal is willing to give it.
So I have heard of one other reason enveloping a few areas, and that is of seeing a woman as a substitute mother/maid. This may be for free meal prep, or house keeping, providing financially to situation or just that friendly listening ear always available and ready to boost your emotions when you have a crappy day. Just think of the different roles of a Mom and that should explain it. If non of that applys, then perhaps he just wants the company so he's not lonely until he does find the woman he falls in love with and at that time, you will be dropped quickly like a hot rock.
Do not think that if one of two people feel love, that the two are meant to be together for life as a couple either significant other or married. If two people meet and you feel something for the guy, the guy will be doing his best to find time to call and spend lots of time together to see if he continues to feel something for the woman. Remember the excitement you felt when you got the toy you wanted for Birthday or Christmas but over time, that excitement dissipated because that toy couldn't hold your interest over time? I remember clearly a toy or two where that happened to me. Its happens to all of us, even when adult and dating. A person can feel exciting when two people first meet, but over time, that feeling of excitement and adoration just go away for one or both people. If for only one, it leaves the other person who still has feelings being pretty confused about what is going on.
If you actually had a different question or another question, you may write to me direct by going to 'browse advice columnists' on the left of this page, clicking and finding me, dragonfly magic and clicking on my name to send a second question.
Wishing you the best,
Dragonflymagic
My Aunt that I haven't been over to house since my dad died when I was 12 invited me for Christmas dinner this year . I met up with her before hand at local restaurant because I haven't seen her all much either since I was 12 unless I was at at store like Walmart or something. I am now 35 years old . We just started talking on the phone again about a month ago and I do feel like I want build a relationship with my Aunt and Uncle again. My Aunt told me my Uncle is 74;and has Cancer. I just don't understand why they waited all these years to start trying to start talking to me again 20 plus years later. Also what would be a good dish to bring.
There has been little traffic on here so I didn't check until today....sorry.
I hope you had a good time at your Aunts for Christmas dinner. People can easily become distracted in their normal routine and not even think about extended family members. However the picture changes when some one is facing death and knows not how much longer they may be around to spend time with family. It is a time when people begin to re-establish relationships that kind of fell by the wayside. It could well be that your Aunt will continue to want to be closer to you, even after her husband passes. Although I pray that he has a miraculous healing from Jesus, and when his time really comes, that he passes peacefully in his sleep instead. One of my daughters still lives in the area, same age as you and goes with me to spend time at her Aunts for Christmas. This Aunt is very ill, keeps hanging in there, but who knows if there will be a holiday when we don't have her around anymore. It gives her great happiness to see my daughter, her niece the few times she does, as I am sure you brought happiness to your Aunt.
I’m reaching out for advice because I’m at a critical crossroads in my life, and I would value insight and spiritual wisdom.
My academic journey has been anything but smooth so far. I’ve only completed one semester of college as a 2023 high school graduate so far and I wish that wasn’t the case but I feel that it’s been out of my hands. I was recently unable to continue my studies at my university due to financial challenges, and now I’m faced with figuring out my potential next steps. And no one knows it. I spent my past 2 months lying to my family about everything, they think I’m enrolled and doing swell. I don’t tell them anything because they can’t help me or even give me wise counsel. They are low or no income and they didn’t finish college themselves so they don’t know how anything works. The most viable path that arose has been to transfer to a university closer to home to study biology, and they suggested that I pursue a master’s degree afterward to be more specific to my tract. I want to be a wildlife and exotic animal veterinarian and I am very specific and particular when it comes to my tract towards my career, which is why I didn’t wish to entertain the offer from this university my first go round First of all, I don’t want a masters degree bud.If I had things better in life then I could study at my most recent university on a niche but still specific tract and stand out as much as I’d need to, but with this? I’d probably be fighting for my life to find unique experiences on my own and then would be on this path where I could do things that I could’ve done at any other university that I was accepted into for biology. I just don’t get it, choosing this journey would does not stand out at all. This university seemingly has nothing for me that I need or want besides the financial aspects. They don’t cater to pre vet medicine as much as I’d like for them to, they aren’t my ideal size, they don’t have my ideal student life. They lack everything seemingly! On the other hand, my most recent university has everything I’d like and need EXCEPT for the financial aid. I’ve exhausted all of my current options to try to bridge the financial gap to attend but that just hasn’t worked out so far. My last hope is some institutional scholarship that I won’t know if I can receive until summer 2025, and I doubt I’ll be awarded if I’m not an enrolled or incoming student. My whole situation is just tangled and messed up.
Tell me I shouldn’t feel incredibly resistant to this idea. The university itself just doesn’t appeal to me, the suggested degree path feels misaligned with my interests and goals, and the thought of choosing that feels like settling rather than progressing. At the same time, I’ve been wrestling with whether this resistance comes from my own preferences and fears or if it’s genuinely a closed door from God.God tells us to do things that we don’t do sometimes, I don’t know if that’s what is happening or if I need to wait for him to make something else happen?? But what if he doesn’t and I’m just sitting around wasting time when all I want to do is pursue the education I’m hungry for.
My heart still longs for the possibility of returning to my previous university, but it feels almost impossible with my current circumstances. If I can’t continue there then it’s already been decided that I would start over entirely wherever I end up. The idea recently has been God possibly wanting me to be an international student, that would definitely be a way to move forward in a direction that feels purposeful and significant to me.But I’m not all the way around to it because becoming an international student would be even more strenuous and I’m very puzzled as to why God would help me to successfully be an international student when he wouldn’t even help me do something smaller such as provide a few thousand more for me to not have had to drop out mid semester currently. Overall , I’m just afraid of pursuing something that might not be in God’s will for my life and I’m afraid that God really wants me to conform to studying at this university that seemingly has nothing for me.
I’m struggling to discern whether God is calling me to surrender my preferences and trust Him in pursuing the option or whether this unease is His way of redirecting me to something greater that’s in his will for me and that I can be agreeable to. I know prayer and seeking Him are key, but I feel like things still aren’t clear.
I would greatly appreciate some guidance in this matter. How do you think I can discern God’s will in this decision? Are there scriptures, practices, or tools you’d recommend to help me find clarity? Have you ever faced a similar situation, and if so, how did you navigate it?any wise counsel to offer? I genuinely have no one in my life to seek advice from?
Thank you for taking the time to read this and for any kind advice or wisdom you maybe able to offer in this troubling time. I deeply respect your perspective, and I’m praying for clarity and peace as I work through this.
There hasn't been much traffic on here so I didn't check til now...sorry. As to your problem, I am a believer and so I will answer from that perspective. I too have prayers, not for the same thing, but waiting for direction. As a senior citizen I am old enough to have gathered some idea of how a walk with God goes. And I will quickly state that I am not consistently great at hearing what God has for me, or hearing and choosing not to do out of fear or timidity.
I do get that you want a school that is fun and can give you the schooling you want. Lots of what you said reflects what most believers do, focusing on what they want when praying rather than asking God what He wants...and I don't mean which school you should go to and the money for it. It sucks to not have parents who can help financially. However, for the moment there may be something else that is a priority for God than providing direction for your future. I don't have the answers so you will have to pray. But may I just sneak in something you may not yet have considered, that at this point, maybe God indeed has a reason for wanting you at the closer to Home university that you do not want as it does not have 'your ideals'. God sometimes puts us in places where we can be of an influence in someones life, a person we would not have met anywhere else. It may be a spiritual reason He may want to place you there to meet that person or it may be simply to be of any kind of help. I will share a story of my own. My husband came to pick me up from work at 10pm at a fast food joint and said he wanted to get something at the grocery nearby. When he came back out, our van would not start and we were not AAA members at the time. But we were partially living out of our van and had a bed in there. I had a strange sense of peace while my husband had lost his. But we went to sleep and come morning, there was another van in the same parking lot with his hood up. His battery had died and had been having problems and needed to be replaced. We needed a chip for our vehicle to start which he had and we borrowed. Took him to a parts store where he bought a battery and my husband bought a package of the chips we needed until we could afford to fix van. God made sure we were stuck there so we could help this man who showed up the next morning and needed help. We even helped him with buying his battery as he was as poor as us, but we happened to have enough money at the time, to help. I know that a decision such as a university may sound like something too big to divert you to one simply to be there for one person, but that is how God works, and then when we are doing what we are supposed to, or rather what God wants for us, He answers prayers, but often at the last minute as if testing whether we'll still believe when the pressure is on. Once long ago as a teen, I was the alto in a quartet performing one song, separate from the choirs performance. I had come down with a horrible congestive head cold and couldn't even sing a note. There was no one who knew the part to fill in. So I prayed for God to heal me....the same old do something for me God. When we were on the stage about to begin, for some reason, I wasn't panicked, just relegated to making a fool of myself if that was what God wanted. I did say to God, "If you want, I will squeak out my part for you in this song." And I was truly okay with being healed or not. As the song began, I realized I could hit every note clearly when seconds ago, I was all stuffed up. I sang the whole song, and the moment it was done, I got all stuffed up again. No idea why, I didn't get or understand that but I do know God enabled me to sing that song. So you may not get the answer you like, but it may be a good idea to ask God yourself about the local school, whether He wants you there for a reason. If the answer is yes, then be excited to go on an adventure for God. He knows what you want but He wants all of us to put Him first in our lives...I still find times I don't do that well and have to ask for forgiveness, but if you take the first step, whatever it is God is making an open, and easily possible path, I know He can bring anything into your life that you want. Afterall, he knows our hearts desires very well, and as long as there aren't any future problems with the path we want, problems that might hurt us, God will keep us safe by not giving us what we ask for, like the verse that asks if a child asks for bread, would a father give the child a stone instead. Matt. 7:9
Even though I have no solid answers, I hope my response gives you hope and peace.
I really don't know know wear to begin but heart is broken . I was dating this guy that had fallen in love with for 6 months. I wanted to marry him Things seemed to be going great. We never fought or anything. I gave him my virginity. I didn't notice anything was wrong and the one day I started getting concerned. I haven't heard from in about 3 days so I decided to check his fb and then realized he changed his fb status from in a relationship to single without even telling me he was even thinking about ending the relationship. I had just had a hysterectomy the week before he broke up with me . I ended up going to the psychiatric hospital because of all this. Then he sends a reply the text that sent him a few days before asking what I did wrong and he replied that I did nothing wrong he just didn't have time and needed to walk away from the dating aspect of the relationship but he would still like to be friends. We hung out the other day for about 2 hours. I was happy because I was with him but I realized that still head heals and madly in love with him and I don't know how to stop these feelings. I still feel like I want to have sex and I know that not possible and will never happen. He noticed something was wrong and asked if he could hug me and I said yes . What should I do?
Have you asked yourself what you are really looking for in a guy? There are all sorts of choices but it only works well when the guy wants the same thing. This can range from being his on call lover when he has no one else lined up, being a friend with benefits (which means sex ) to being a female to take out to have fun at parties(being someones plus 1 which is another on call thing but without the sex) and finally: dating to find the woman he wants to marry; settle down with. I know it may sound wrong but it is best to be open about what you are looking for. Dating to find ones marriage partner is the only choice with a commitment attached. However, since it is a search for the right person for you, both people need to let the other know after a few dates if they are interested in checking you out a while longer, are sure and want to date to get to know you on a deeper level and marry you or a person is upfront and lets the other know that you are not the one for them at which point you both no longer see each other, no matter how disappointed one person is from the news. Age doesn't matter as this applies at any age you are. It may seem counter productive to let a guy know on a second date what you are looking for and find out what he is looking for. Men or woman can lie to the other person. So how do you know if you can count on what they are saying? There is a way. I used it with the man who became my second husband. You listen to what they say about who they are inside, and look for the qualities that you want. A person can only pretend and put up a fake personality for a short while. It becomes too tedious to remember what lies you've already told. ALL people will eventually revert back to their own selves sooner or later. By a 3rd date, one guy showed his true self and I finished the evening without saying a thing, eating dinner he prepared, but went home planning to never see him again. What you tell such men is that there wasn't enough chemistry to make it work. While that could be true, it seems the easiest thing for guys to understand. If you wait for a guy to tell you upfront what he is looking for, the majority of men, I have found don't do this but they appreciate the woman being the subject up. They don't want to for the reason of fear. Or some guys just don't have any idea what they are looking for other than wanting a female for sex. Yes, sexual compatibility is important and I said so in my dating profile on-line but if the first thing a man wrote to me was something about how sexy I was, I never replied because Duh....what guy would write to a gal he didn't find sexy looking. Always remember, words are cheap and easy for a man to say, but his consistent good actions are what you are looking for. The inconsistent man will keep up saying and doing what he thinks or guesses you want and when he feels like you have fallen for him, then if he doesn't want a wife, he dumps you or perhaps goes for some sex til the thrill of a new partner wears off, and dumps you. Another thing I can share is something I read about the person who keeps dumping and finding new sex partners. If you wanted that, it would feel strange to tell the guy up front what you want. Hey, some divorced women only want a sex partner after a failed marriage and don't want a husband ever again. I can understand. So a person who keeps changing from one to the next and the next partner, may be addicted to the feeling, the thrill of meeting someone new. It is actually a thing, being addicted to the feeling of being with a new partner. Well, after some time, that feeling goes away, and is replaced (in good marriage relationships) with the feeling of love, minus the excitement and maybe shyness both felt at first. Even though I thought I knew what I wanted 2nd time around, There were still things I needed to think about and learn and I feel that in prayer, God gave me some things to consider. I have that in a document I've titled "Finding Mr. Right". If you would like to read that, let me know and I will send the info to you. It sure helped me in finding and then being sure of my choice and he had done something similar which helped him to know I was the one. If you do write, instead of posting to the whole group you can write to just me by going to "browse advice columnists" and looking for me, dragonflymagic and sending to me from my column. Best wishes to you dear.
So here it goes I was at the doctor's office yesterday seeing my therapist and she tells me she's leaving and starting her business as certified counselor and hands me a flier to her business that's not all she did she asked me if I wanted to schedule an appointment with her at her practice without thing I said yes because I really do like her . The problem is when I home I saw red flags that I didn't notice before like she wouldn't give me the address of her business she said she didn't want to disclose that information right now and she would calle regarding that info. Is it legal to ask for clients while working for another company on their time? I also had just got out of the psychiatric hospital if that helps any the week before.
Put yourself in the place of a company owner. You have her for an employee. She is trying to get one of your clients to come to her business. Would you be happy if you found that out. Not sure if it's illegal but it certainly is unethical. If I were you, I would start looking for another therapist, either through the company/Dr.s office or somewhere else out there. You may have to meet with someone else for now, someone that you may not like as much, and keep looking for a new therapist. If you just got out of the psych. hospital, it's best that you do get appointments with someone right away, while you look for someone you really like.
About the therapist not willing to give a business address, she may be working out of her home for now or not have an office yet and is lining up clients first so she knows she can afford the rent of an office. If the Dr. office asks why you want to meet with someone new, you can either say it wasn't working out for you, or tell the truth of what she said. Perhaps the personnel of the hospital you just got out of could recommend another office you could try, but someone needs to know so they can check up on you and help any way they can.
What does it mean to play around with someone's money?
Didn't see this til now so you may already have an answer although I doubt that, as I did a computer search on idioms and that phrase did come up. I will leave a link for an article on common idioms regarding money.
https://www.grammarly.com/blog/idioms-about-money/
If you say this, or heard someone else say this, the only ones who can explain it as to what they meant to say, are the ones who use this expression.
Investors play with peoples money, hopefully to help them gain more money in return, but I think investors would have been mentioned as well.
If it applies to the average person out there, someone must believe that the one these words were spoken to are "playing around with someones hard earned money, maybe being dishonest, or perhaps being lazy and living off anothers money without earning any themselves, or any other interpretation someone can come up with. So whereever you heard it, ask for an explanation.
I wrote about this situation already. The advice I received was good and I agreed then now I feel different again. It was about a guy 10 years older than me( this doesn't bother me) who lives in another country. I am 25 but as said before I was going to move to his country then I met him online and changed my mind since I am religious and he isn't. I don't want to be unevenly yoked because I already see the problems that this will cause. For instance, I want my husband and kids to serve together. My feelings for this guy though are strong. Texting is not as special for me to write this but via video call the chemistry is crazy. Yesterday, I recorded it and looked back and it was like those videos you see in a movie. He is the type of guy that wakes up early to send me a text telling me not to forget stuff that I will need for work. If I call him at 3 am because something happened he will wake up and stay until I can fall asleep. Or if he will be busy throughout the day he will message and inform me why but still send a message or two during the day. However, on the other side he keeps telling me he will end up alone and that he is not sure he can follow the Bible. He just knows he believes in God. Sometimes he will attend service at my request but I don't want it like that. I do not know what to do. Of course, I do not want to change him or force him but I feel like we can make it work but I don't know how. I made a joke recently where I had deleted some messages and he asked what I deleted and I said “ my confessions of love for you” and he said “ oh I don't know what to say I am going to end up alone.” But then he calls and texts everyday. When I am annoyed and tell him I don't want to talk he sometimes just stays on the call or if he hangs up he messages me an hour or two later to see if I am ok. If another guy is interested or seems interested in me based on some story I confided in him with he obviously gets jealous because then he calls me more and texts even more. I just want us to try to work. Like keep thinking if it was me in his shoes and I would have at least tried. Like sometimes I think I can compromise but I have been there and it doesn't work.
I keep thinking maybe I should ask him to try because I actually really want him or at least to try. He is a good guy and makes me happy even with the distance. His flaws usually bother me doesn't because he has too many good qualities.
Also, I have a job opportunity near his city and I really would like us to move forward before I end up at the job .
Should I bring it up or let it be and see what happens ? If so, how long should I wait before I just give up. I don't want to because we can't just be friends. He knows that and I know that.
side note: he may be bipolar or something. Only once he told me about seeing terapist but ended up taking pills that made him feel bad.
By religious I assume you mean church attender. However there is another classification, of one who has accepted Jesus death as payment for our sin and have a vital relationship with our Lord, talking to Him in prayer, and by his Holy Spirit hearing from Him. If you were able to hear from him, you wouldn't have as many questions. Reading the bible more often, (I am still working on that) can help shed light on some of basic direction you should go. Him attending your church service won't make him a 'saved' believer. Being just a believer isn't good enough because the demons and devil believe Jesus exists too. Only you can know whether your life is at a right place or whether there are some major shifts you need to make in yours before being ready to marry anyone, preferably another saved Christian man. I started out marrying a church going man. He did all the right things while in church but behind closed doors, treated me terribly. At some point, the devil tricked me into thinking I was following God but at same time was wrapped up in new age/paganism. While in that state, away from God, I divorced, found a man who treats me like Gold but who is not a saved child of God. So now I live with this, and it is hard being in relationship with someone who does not have the same future as i do. He is okay with me praying, watching Christian u-tube stuff, and volunteering together at a church that does a community feeding program. I know of a scripture that says that a Christians unbelieving spouse will be sanctified by God if the Christian stays with that unbelieving spouse. I did worry about the possibility of his destination after death being Hell. So whatever you do, I would suggest that prayer be a large part of how you proceed, and don't make excuses based on a job possibility or feelings, because feelings can mislead. I do see the importance in feeling chemistry with a person, such as I felt when I met my now 2nd husband. But even though I was hoping all turned out well in the end, I was now watching him to see if was consistent in who he portrayed himself to be. Some men will do whatever they think you want to see but once they think they have you hooked (in love with him) will drop the fake persona and revert to their real self because it takes a great amount of energy to keep up the fake. I pray Gods Holy Spirit speaks to you clearly. Blessings
My BF and I are both 15. We are both part of the same church and youth group and we took pledges not to have sex before marriage. We are lucky we have an easy time talking deep and honest with each other about our feelings including how we crave each other sexually. We kiss and cuddle but we keep to the boundaries we decided on. Even then he has to have breaks to calm down when we make out and cuddle because he gets so horny. To be honest it is fun to see how desperate I can make him. He says I am evil but we laugh and he never tells me to stop. It is harder for him because he had a history of turning to porn and masturbating and he is doing this self improvement thing where he is goes for weeks not touching so he is not tempted on the porn again. The times he has given in he gets so upset and he feels like a failure. I tell him I am proud of him for being so good for so long most of the time. I know our flirting and cuddling is making it harder for him not to masturbate. It is like we are trying to be good but having fun tempting each other. He does exercise to calm down and that is fun to watch when we face time. He looks very nice without his shirt when he is doing sporty things. I feel like we are being good but also bad at the same time. Are we hypocrites? Should we be less physical? Am I confusing him? I do not want him to stop telling me how much he craves me or knowing when he gets his erections. We feel like we are being more controlled than most people our age. He says we are playing with fire. Even when we pray about it together and he calms down it does not take much to get him hyped up again. This is not about going to the next step. No one is pressuring the other to do more. I am just wondering, are we doing too much and am I making it too hard for him to be good?
All that you mention is very important and appropriate but only in marriage. As he said, you are playing with fire. All it takes is having punch at a party that you're told is not spiked and you both end up a little drunk and therefore not as strictly in control of your decisions. If this guy is the one you plan to marry, and him marry you, then kissing and cuddling is enough to know you both have great chemistry together. If you keep pushing it as you do currently, then it's a matter of time before you do what you say you didn't want to do. It may be that some of what you are doing (since I really don't know) is actually part of sex, foreplay and according to church and bible, is already considered having sex. Think of a fancy dinner with appetizers first, then the salad or soup, then the meal, then dessert. Its all the same thing split up into its different parts. What you engage in could well be the equivalent of appetizers, or salad or soup. Penis in vagina sex would be the dinner and dessert, the orgasm. I am much older, 65 and hubby a year younger, and what you describe sounds like us. We could be in bed and he is trying to just talk about the day while I start in working on him and he can't finish any sentence and I laugh and giggle, cus yeah, it's a rush to know I have that power to make him react as he does. And for porn or the equivalent, it works great for married partners to take the photos they want. He doesn't want to wake me maybe in the morning early so he will look at nude pics of me that just he has a collection of. THis is not something for now dear, please keep in mind, this is for a married couple and would go along well with the type of teasing you are talking about.
I've been with man almost 5 years and in the last almost 2 years he's been talking to other women and calling them beautiful, but gives me barely any attention...yet I work, cook, clean and take care of my 2 kids...I don't wanna leave him but I've brought it to his attention and all he says is they messaged me...yeah ok they did, doesn't mean you need to respond! Oh but he does. So unless something changes I will be leaving him sooner than he thinks.
I've been with my 2nd husband 15+ years and his devotion and love just keeps growing. Now his personality is one of upholding and being kind to all women so he does pay compliments but I am not overlooked and hear from him all the time that he is the luckiest man on earth and has the best wife of all. First husband didn't know how to love anyone even his kids. So I know the living with a bad guy and a good guy. Yours certainly sounds like the bad guy and is taking you for granted. He must figure you'll always be there and be content begging for the scraps of his attention. If he is willing to go to marriage counseling or maybe just see a counselor himself, then maybe you can wait on him to see what happens. If he refuses like my first husband, then it's time you move on. The children deserve to see you happy and treated well by another man if you go that way. Unfortunately for me, the girls saw how their Dad was with me. The oldest married a man worse than my husband, the middle one was scared of real men and afraid to marry and content to rather date and be the leader in the relationship. The youngest one is married and though not the worst, the husband still could use a lot of improvement. For example, he is a wimp regarding pain from previous injury and my daughter has been the one working full time to add to the little comp. he gets from army. I wish you the best dear in your future.
Hello.
I’m thinking of taking her. Someone I talked to said since it’s for a white collar crime and it’s only six months and since she and her mom have a good relationship my daughter is likely not scared or terrified but is liking thinking “cool! I get to see someone go to jail which I’ve never seen before!” . Would you find that surprising
I think I've learned enough from watching it on TV to not be surprised