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The only "open door" and the bridge too far too gap
I’m reaching out for advice because I’m at a critical crossroads in my life, and I would value insight and spiritual wisdom.
My academic journey has been anything but smooth so far. I’ve only completed one semester of college as a 2023 high school graduate so far and I wish that wasn’t the case but I feel that it’s been out of my hands. I was recently unable to continue my studies at my university due to financial challenges, and now I’m faced with figuring out my potential next steps. And no one knows it. I spent my past 2 months lying to my family about everything, they think I’m enrolled and doing swell. I don’t tell them anything because they can’t help me or even give me wise counsel. They are low or no income and they didn’t finish college themselves so they don’t know how anything works. The most viable path that arose has been to transfer to a university closer to home to study biology, and they suggested that I pursue a master’s degree afterward to be more specific to my tract. I want to be a wildlife and exotic animal veterinarian and I am very specific and particular when it comes to my tract towards my career, which is why I didn’t wish to entertain the offer from this university my first go round First of all, I don’t want a masters degree bud.If I had things better in life then I could study at my most recent university on a niche but still specific tract and stand out as much as I’d need to, but with this? I’d probably be fighting for my life to find unique experiences on my own and then would be on this path where I could do things that I could’ve done at any other university that I was accepted into for biology. I just don’t get it, choosing this journey would does not stand out at all. This university seemingly has nothing for me that I need or want besides the financial aspects. They don’t cater to pre vet medicine as much as I’d like for them to, they aren’t my ideal size, they don’t have my ideal student life. They lack everything seemingly! On the other hand, my most recent university has everything I’d like and need EXCEPT for the financial aid. I’ve exhausted all of my current options to try to bridge the financial gap to attend but that just hasn’t worked out so far. My last hope is some institutional scholarship that I won’t know if I can receive until summer 2025, and I doubt I’ll be awarded if I’m not an enrolled or incoming student. My whole situation is just tangled and messed up.
Tell me I shouldn’t feel incredibly resistant to this idea. The university itself just doesn’t appeal to me, the suggested degree path feels misaligned with my interests and goals, and the thought of choosing that feels like settling rather than progressing. At the same time, I’ve been wrestling with whether this resistance comes from my own preferences and fears or if it’s genuinely a closed door from God.God tells us to do things that we don’t do sometimes, I don’t know if that’s what is happening or if I need to wait for him to make something else happen?? But what if he doesn’t and I’m just sitting around wasting time when all I want to do is pursue the education I’m hungry for.
My heart still longs for the possibility of returning to my previous university, but it feels almost impossible with my current circumstances. If I can’t continue there then it’s already been decided that I would start over entirely wherever I end up. The idea recently has been God possibly wanting me to be an international student, that would definitely be a way to move forward in a direction that feels purposeful and significant to me.But I’m not all the way around to it because becoming an international student would be even more strenuous and I’m very puzzled as to why God would help me to successfully be an international student when he wouldn’t even help me do something smaller such as provide a few thousand more for me to not have had to drop out mid semester currently. Overall , I’m just afraid of pursuing something that might not be in God’s will for my life and I’m afraid that God really wants me to conform to studying at this university that seemingly has nothing for me.
I’m struggling to discern whether God is calling me to surrender my preferences and trust Him in pursuing the option or whether this unease is His way of redirecting me to something greater that’s in his will for me and that I can be agreeable to. I know prayer and seeking Him are key, but I feel like things still aren’t clear.
I would greatly appreciate some guidance in this matter. How do you think I can discern God’s will in this decision? Are there scriptures, practices, or tools you’d recommend to help me find clarity? Have you ever faced a similar situation, and if so, how did you navigate it?any wise counsel to offer? I genuinely have no one in my life to seek advice from?
Thank you for taking the time to read this and for any kind advice or wisdom you maybe able to offer in this troubling time. I deeply respect your perspective, and I’m praying for clarity and peace as I work through this.
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There hasn't been much traffic on here so I didn't check til now...sorry. As to your problem, I am a believer and so I will answer from that perspective. I too have prayers, not for the same thing, but waiting for direction. As a senior citizen I am old enough to have gathered some idea of how a walk with God goes. And I will quickly state that I am not consistently great at hearing what God has for me, or hearing and choosing not to do out of fear or timidity.
I do get that you want a school that is fun and can give you the schooling you want. Lots of what you said reflects what most believers do, focusing on what they want when praying rather than asking God what He wants...and I don't mean which school you should go to and the money for it. It sucks to not have parents who can help financially. However, for the moment there may be something else that is a priority for God than providing direction for your future. I don't have the answers so you will have to pray. But may I just sneak in something you may not yet have considered, that at this point, maybe God indeed has a reason for wanting you at the closer to Home university that you do not want as it does not have 'your ideals'. God sometimes puts us in places where we can be of an influence in someones life, a person we would not have met anywhere else. It may be a spiritual reason He may want to place you there to meet that person or it may be simply to be of any kind of help. I will share a story of my own. My husband came to pick me up from work at 10pm at a fast food joint and said he wanted to get something at the grocery nearby. When he came back out, our van would not start and we were not AAA members at the time. But we were partially living out of our van and had a bed in there. I had a strange sense of peace while my husband had lost his. But we went to sleep and come morning, there was another van in the same parking lot with his hood up. His battery had died and had been having problems and needed to be replaced. We needed a chip for our vehicle to start which he had and we borrowed. Took him to a parts store where he bought a battery and my husband bought a package of the chips we needed until we could afford to fix van. God made sure we were stuck there so we could help this man who showed up the next morning and needed help. We even helped him with buying his battery as he was as poor as us, but we happened to have enough money at the time, to help. I know that a decision such as a university may sound like something too big to divert you to one simply to be there for one person, but that is how God works, and then when we are doing what we are supposed to, or rather what God wants for us, He answers prayers, but often at the last minute as if testing whether we'll still believe when the pressure is on. Once long ago as a teen, I was the alto in a quartet performing one song, separate from the choirs performance. I had come down with a horrible congestive head cold and couldn't even sing a note. There was no one who knew the part to fill in. So I prayed for God to heal me....the same old do something for me God. When we were on the stage about to begin, for some reason, I wasn't panicked, just relegated to making a fool of myself if that was what God wanted. I did say to God, "If you want, I will squeak out my part for you in this song." And I was truly okay with being healed or not. As the song began, I realized I could hit every note clearly when seconds ago, I was all stuffed up. I sang the whole song, and the moment it was done, I got all stuffed up again. No idea why, I didn't get or understand that but I do know God enabled me to sing that song. So you may not get the answer you like, but it may be a good idea to ask God yourself about the local school, whether He wants you there for a reason. If the answer is yes, then be excited to go on an adventure for God. He knows what you want but He wants all of us to put Him first in our lives...I still find times I don't do that well and have to ask for forgiveness, but if you take the first step, whatever it is God is making an open, and easily possible path, I know He can bring anything into your life that you want. Afterall, he knows our hearts desires very well, and as long as there aren't any future problems with the path we want, problems that might hurt us, God will keep us safe by not giving us what we ask for, like the verse that asks if a child asks for bread, would a father give the child a stone instead. Matt. 7:9
Even though I have no solid answers, I hope my response gives you hope and peace.
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