I aim to give you solid advice on your problems. I don't sugarcoat things and I'm always straight up. Don't come asking for what you want to hear as I always give the truth even if you don't want it because it's what you need and the only way to grow.
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Member Since: December 31, 2006
Answers: 3591
Last Update: August 30, 2022
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I went into my mums room to wake her up but she had gone to the toilet and I saw it on her bed
can I ask how old you need to be so you can try one
thank you (link)
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There's nothing abnormal about her owning one or using one. A lot of women do and adult novelty items is a $15 Billion U.S. a year industry so it's pretty normal and nothing to ashamed of if people use them. The best thing to do is mention to her that you inadvertently saw it and ask questions though awkward about it that you wanted or needed to know or what she thinks about whether you can get one. I would leave that with her to decide. A healthy discussion about it is where you should start.
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This is embarrassing thing to talk about but it is all anonymus so I guess that makes it ok. I am sorry if I say anything not okay but seems like people talk a lot on this site about a lot of things and it is very open and they talk about very personal stuff and about sex also. I have questions about masturbation. I am a guy and I am now a teenager and I have puberty and all that.
1. A girl I know was texting me and wanting to know personal stuff like what do I do and touch myself and how often and it was exciting to be asked but weird and I do not know her well enough to know if she would share what I say and plus I don’t want to be a freakzoid so I told her I don’t think I should talk about that with girls and she said something rude so I am happy I did not share my information no matter how fun it was she was talking about sex stuff. What do y ou think on that one? I am pretty sure that was smart play.
2. Is there like too much like too many times in a row or too many times over total to ejaculate. I can wait sometimes for days if I keep busy with other stuff and like try to do normal things not about sex but when I do start it is like one time is never enough and I like it so much I just want to make it happen again and fun to see how many times I can do it without breaks but I think I am like addicted to fun it feels and like go for hours instead of falling asleep and just make myself hard over and over and like imagine I have to do it to prove myself I can keep going.
3. I made a thing with bubble wrap like for packing stuff and tape that fits like perfect over my erection and I use baby oil and it is better than anything and I just never want to stop it sometimes. But I ran out of the baby oil and used tanning oil. Is using that stuff ok? I don’t want to do something stupid. I mean both are for the skin right?
4. Will doing this a lot help me be better at real sex or will it mess me up because I am doing it too much? Should I take breaks like a week off or does that even matter? If I time myself and to not lose control longer and longer would that be good for having sex wit a girl someday? Like training for sports? Or is that just dumb.
5. I don’t need to know details but do girls do stuff to themselves a lot or just sometimes or is this mainly a guy thing?
6. I know it is like a sin but also normal and there is like probably some balance but I think I am a little obsessed and it is worse on days when a girl talks to me or flirts and I sort of go overboard thinking about it. Will I probably calm down if I get a girlfriend or will it just get worse?
Those are all my questions. If this not posted I will know I asked too much or said things too detailed or sexual. I apologize for doing that if I did and will not be mad about it.
Signed, TANNER
as a joke cause of the sun tan oil :-) (link)
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First of all the person asking this of you on text shouldn't be and can use anything written against you or show it to other people. You need to write a curt one sentence answer "This Is Inappropriate." and stop texting so they get the message loud and clear. Never talk electronically to anyone about this especially if you don't know them well.
If it's a classmate and want to talk about it offline and feel comfortable with one another that's different. The only time self-pleasure can be a bad thing or too much is when it affects your life to be the only thing you think of and the only thing you are doing. If you lead a normal life with normal activities and it's not the complete focus of your days than it's okay and normal.
Both males and females do this and it's pretty universal at your age or any for that matter although stats say men admit it more and or females don't talk about it as much.
While some cultures or religions may be against it this is not a sin and is perfectly normal and something literally everybody does or has done at one time or another. Nothing at all to be ashamed of there.
As far as your fourth question no it won't mess you up for later with partners when ready for sexual activity. In fact it may help you when older communicate well with a partner about what you do and do not like or want.
As far as the third question goes it's not recommended. You don't want to get anything perfume like near your genitals that isn't meant to be used there for infection reasons etc and tanning oil would not be a good idea. There are products in drug stores that are lubricants designed specifically not to cause issues with genitals.
Also, doctors will tell you regardless of a person's age be it adult, teen, senior, child of any age or sex that's it's 100% normal and healthy. There is some medical link or so its been written or studied between frequent ejaculation reducing chances of prostate cancer later on in life
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Hello, I am a female in my mid 20s. When I was 19 years old I was sexually assaulted by this guy I just met and was dating. I didn't tell anyone, not even my friends. I was in college and it really messed me up to where I became depressed and had to take a break from school. I am now on antidepressants and am seeing a therapist. My therapist does not know what happened because I did not tell her, and therefore she hasn't been able to help me with it. My question is, should I tell my parents what happened? They want to know why I haven't finished school yet and why I stopped going when I had a full scholarship. To be honest, I was too embarrassed to tell them what happened, and I was afraid they would blame me. I am trying to get my life back in order but I am having a hard time opening up about this. I feel like my parents see me as a failure, and they always ask why am I depressed, but I just say I don't know. After 5 years should I finally tell them what happened? (link)
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The only person who should feel shame is the person who violated you. This was never your fault and you are a victim. While it takes a lot of courage to talk about it the best person you could tell is your therapist because they have the ability and the right training and resources to really help you handle it and move forward.
It will take time. It's incredibly important to let therapists know everything about you or you won't get effective help. Your parents will always be 100% on your side and will help you no matter what. They will not be angry at all at you or upset or any of the things you may be fearing over what happened. A
All of that would be directed at the perp who did this. They should know because they will be in your corner and able to help you cope. I would tell them as soon as possible.
They will not be ashamed of you or view you as a failure but rather see how this has crippled you and that you haven't been able to function at all since. They will get you the help you need.
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I'm a 20 year old female. Should I tell my parents about what's been going on with my mental health? Trigger warning engaged: I've been noticing that it's gotten bad and it's gotten to the point where I hurt myself, but I'm not cutting or burning my skin. I feel like I should tell my parents. But I don't want to add more to their plates, especially since my mom has a surgery coming up. I kinda don't want to tell my dad cause he's kinda partially to blame because he's kinda a narcissist and I never feel like I'm good enough for him. A part of me doesn't want to tell my parents because they have said that if I show signs of self-harm, they were going to send me to the hospital. What should I do? (link)
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The hospital may sound like a scary place to have to go but really it isn't. It's a safe place where they will help you find out exactly what is going on and diagnose and treat it and finally give you solid answers so you can live a normal life and put a name to the problem.
If they had to keep you in it's only so you can rest while they figure out correct diagnosis, treat it and keep any harm from others or you from harm brought on by a mental illness. It's a safe environment and you will be able to see your family. You might not even be admitted to the hospital. It may be something that could be figured out there and treated by outpatient etc. You just don't know and shouldn't jump to conclusions.
Your parents are actually doing a good thing by taking you because it's for your safety and because they don't have answers nor resources to help you with this and can't be expected to nor know what is really going on.
If you see this problem getting worse and more intense than ever before TELL them the truth and visit the hospital with them. Do not hold something like this in or keep it secret because it can spiral out of control and land you in a crisis that is far worse than it may be now. You don't want to take a chance. Mental health is very serious.
Although mom has surgery coming up and you aren't happy with your dad mental health has to come as a top priority and something you share immediately if you know something doesn't feel right and is up. Trust that gut feeling. You will be doing the right thing by telling them.
Also, a mental health issue is not a character flaw. An illness also is not caused by you nor another person no matter their personality traits in this case your dad. Illnesses like this can happen due to genetics or other causes with no rhyme or reason and to anyone. Illnesses don't care nor distinguish between who they affect.
Having signs or urges to self-harm isn't normal and can be highly dangerous if continues and desire intensifies. It would be the wrong thing not to say something even if you end up at a hospital. You need to go.
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I am a 19 year old male if that helps with health advice- lately though when I poop, I notice a number of issues. Can I ask what these may mean?
- The texture is sludgy- not runny/diarrhea but not standard solid poop either- just sludgy almost like that colourful toy slime that kids buy..
- Only the tiniest little bit comes out at time
- despite the tiniest bits actually coming out, I can still physically feel the poop dangling out but it won’t physically come out no matter how hard I squeeze- eventually I end up giving up and just wiping but because of the excess amount of poop (which I know is there because I can physically feel it, and see it when I wipe, it just won’t come out when I squeeze)- I end up spending quite a while wiping too- I end up spending about 3 hours (not even an exaggeration) on the toilet due to the this, which isn’t ideal in a family household of 5, with only one bathroom… but it’s not my fault- it’s not as if I enjoy spending so long on the toilet but it seems my family get very frustrated by it.
Do you know what any of this could mean? I had chronic constipation as a young child, but in this case, it’s not really constipation as the poop comes out- but only little bits at a time and it gets stuck along the way out despite me trying as hard as I can to squeeze it out- but when I wipe there’s still a bunch of poop there- what could this possibly be? (link)
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I had a similar issue so my answer is based on what a doctor told me. If you are having small kernels sized bowel movements coming out and that it won't come out easily it could be that you are really bunged up. It has to come out eventually.
This is really true of chronic constipation and then suddenly excess amount of poop lasting for quite some time as well as the pain and time on toilet. What is happening is called sepage and is poop that has been backed up in your system coming out at the worst possible time.
In my case what was recommended is to add a fibre supplement like Metamusel to your diet and change diet all together for one thing. Secondly get Restorlax or similar product and use it for a few days and then discontinue to clear your system out. You will want to stay home for a week to do this because it's a laxitive and you don't want issues while out.
If that doesn't clear up the issue phone your doctor. I'm not trying to scare you and it's highly unlikely that it's an anatomical issue. However, a doctor may need to find out. In all likelihood a family doctor will refer you to a gastroenterolgist. This person would do a colonoscopy to diagnose any problems with your bowels and figure out the reason for issues you are having.
This procedure is where they will give you liquid to consume that is prescribed that completely cleans out your system so they can use a diagnostic camera with tube. It sounds gross I know but it's a very routine procedure. You won't be aware of it and will be semi-knocked out with a sedative and wake up in hospital about an hour after it's done and get results right away. This is the likely step a doctor would take.
Also, certain medications especially prescription ones can cause chronic constipation and this kind of problem if long term especially and if new as well. Look into that with your doctor.
There is no shame either in protecting yourself by using adult undergarment at least until this is fixed to have confidence ad be clear of any problems outside of home.
If wiping is really hurting you try wipes and after done in bathroom be sure to bathe area immediately. If cramps from constipation cause vomiting because of intensity that's the number 1 thing you can't forget to tell a doctor.
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Hi. Last night i had a strange dream where the girls in my family were trapped inside this house and there was a scary man who threatened us all the time. We kept thinking of ways to leave the house but he had two guns.
the strange part of the dream was that I was expecting. It was so surreal to me that I was shocked in the dream. I am 20 years old and I have never been in any relationship like this nor do I have any plans. I don't consume any media that would make me thirst for motherhood. The closest i have come into contact with a baby is baby sitting (when i was 12 and then when i was 17).
is this dream just random rubbish? The man was my old teacher who was awful at teaching his subject and got scammed a lot. I don't know why he was there or why he was holding guns. I do not have any brothers and my father (Thank GOD) is extremely loving and caring, we all get along with him well. Was this my brain creating a weird show? Either way, this dream keeps haunting me and leaves a strange taste in my mouth. I dont want to have a child right now, i am scared. Please help , thank you (link)
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Dreams are thought pictures. Your brain doesn't turn off when you sleep. It keeps thinking and anything you are afraid of when awake manifests itself in your dreams same with what makes you happy. It doesn't make logical connections when you are asleep most of the time but takes random bits and pieces of what you care about and are afraid of and warps it as you sleep.
It's also highly symbolic. Perhaps you feel trapped in real life with no way to escape a situation and this came up or worry about defending and family and it came across as this nightmare. Perhaps the teacher is or was someone you felt highly threatened by or just a random thing same with motherhood.
Just know that none of it is real and cannot affect you in any way in real life unless you allow it to. Don't obsess over it and you will be fine. We all have weird dreams or nightmares at times.
The other thing I should mention is to change the position you sleep in. I have found if I sleep on my back I have more bad dreams than I do on my side or face on the pillow. It may help to change that up or do something relaxing before bed and keep your mind off of sleeping. There's nothing to be afraid of and the sooner you remind yourself of that the better as it will make this problem and fear fade for you.
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My friend wants to come with us on my family trip. But I really want to spend my time with my family because we rarely hang out just us. My friend wants to go out on a trip but how do I tell them that without hurting their feelings? (link)
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You can't control whether or not someone will get hurt or not. I would tell her that while you would have liked for her to come that your parents planned the vacation before she expressed interest. Tell her that you are open to the future. I would also stress that your family has been going through a difficult time. Let her know they haven't been communicating well with one another or being together that often and that this was why they booked the trip. Let her know that there isn't a budget this time to take someone else or in the event of a plane trip inability to get another ticket etc. If you tell her the truth I'm sure she will get it.
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My mother in law gave my 15 yr old son a DNA test kit for Christmas, and she asked him if he sent it in yet. She also wants to manage the account once its sent in. He wants to give the kit back to her, but my husband is upset that he doesn't want to do it, that it cost $70 and he thinks 'whats the big deal'? I personally think that if he doesn't want to do it, its his perogative AND its his DNA to which he shouldn't be bullied into giving if he doesn't want to. This is causing stress because of our disagreement but I do not want my son to be bullied into doing something he doesn't want to do just to please my husbands mother. And she will be upset and that is how she usually gets her way. (link)
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Find out why he doesn't want to do it and honour his wishes. Your husband is a grown man who has always bowed down to whatever his mother asks him to do right or wrong for everyone else as a whole. This is his problem not yours.
You don't have to go along with his mother's demands nor apologize or make excuses for you or your son. If your husband gets snarly about this so be it. Don't let either of them get their way. Quite frankly, it was an inappropriate gift that she should have asked first before giving.
The fact she wants to manage the account and results means she's nosy and curious but also has some kind of motive for doing so and giving said gift. Your son has to tell his grandmother "Thank you for your gift. I appreciate the effort you put in to get it for me. I don't feel comfortable doing it because X,Y, Z." Have him offer to give her the money back and give her the kit so she can re-gift to someone else. If she gets her nose out of joint it's not his, yours or your husbands fault. It will blow over but if you don't take a stand here she will walk all over you for the rest of her life and yours. Your husband can choose to put up with this behaviour which is boorish but that doesn't mean you nor her grandson have to either to save face. There's a bigger issue here than an inappropriate gift to be dealt with and your husband doesn't have it in him to tell his mother where the line is. He can't keep giving her her way all the time. He has to grow up a little. You can't be afraid of offending people in this life. They'll always find something that will and it's not necessarily on the other person to own it.
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This is kinda annoying but I was kinda interested in a guy who is younger than me and I am in my 30's and he is in his 20's. I don't think we are that far apart in age. He seems like a fun guy but from judging from what I can see he cares too much about what people think of him and I can see he has some growing up to do. I don't know this guy that well but he is in the dance community so I know him from seeing him and started becoming a dance teacher. Over the years I have seen him dance by me on purpose with friends or he's near me with his friends. I also think he knows that I like him and I have complimented him on his dancing. He said he was flattered when I told him I liked his dancing. In the past I have tried messaging him and he ignored me. But one thing that puzzles me is that he always seems to be around me and gets kinda nervous when he dances with me. His classes are fun, he seems like a fun guy and I can tell he's a pretty intelligent guy, so somehow I'm kinda an admirer lol. Needless to say I wish the guy was more interested in becoming friends or whatever. Another person I know said he is autistic. Most people I know who are autistic are smart people! Also I notice in class he does some backwards things but it could be just nerves or doesn't realize he does it. I'm just confused by him and why is he always by me. I think I have overheard him say in the past to one of my friends saying I was attractive but he said hot lol.
I know I sound judgmental but I just don't get him haha. What would you do? Leave him alone? Try to make a friend? I think he might be snobby with some of his friends and two-faced...?
Is he interested? Is he being a jerk? Why is he around me? He does smile a lot at me. Is he just as confused as I am? haha (link)
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Let's deal with the perception not equaling reality part. You have this idea of him as being snobby or two-faced or immature without knowing much about him period other than what you see in class. I wouldn't call it judgmental but rather jumping to conclusions and making assertions without really knowing him.
I doubt he is ignoring you either but rather doesn't know how to approach you or talk to you. Sometimes it's harder for someone who may have a disability autistic or not to approach others and make a connection. He likely is nervous that you will reject him for being different plus the fears most guys have about approaching girls.
He likes you and it's evident but is pretty nervous as I'm sure you are too of rejection. I think the best thing to do is introduce yourself and tell him you would like to get to know him better and possibly hang out. That will help you make friends with him and if dating happens after than that's a bonus. At least you will have a friend.
Yes, autistic people are very smart and we are only scratching the surface on what autism truly is. I know however, from my own experience that what appears to be immaturity is actually a child like quality at times and reasoning may be different than ours too. Sometimes they may seem distant but it's not because of anything you said or did.
Dating, friendships and relationships are very hard to form and keep. I think by you reaching out first and letting him know all is okay and how you feel will turn out positive and break down any communication or barriers that may exist.
Believe me if he didn't like you he would have not put any effort into trying to get your attention or overtly be around you all the time. So yes, you're both as confused as each other. Talk to him. He won't bite you if you like him. See where it leads. Invite him to a movie or to hang out with friends. He probably is worried about how people perceive him and isn't sure what you think of him. Having an open and honest talk with him may lead to something fantastic whether or not you end up in a relationship.
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Hello. I am not sure how to do this so I will just ramble and hopefully there will be some good advice even if I don’t ask the right questions. I appreciate any honest opinions and advice.
I am 18 and freshman in college. I am straight and raised traditional Catholic. I do have a girlfriend (five years now) but she is smarter than me and going to school at Notre Dame in Indiana and I go to school locally in St. Louis. I could give more details on that if you want, but not sure if they are relevant.
The issue is my roommate. Let’s call him Trevor (not his real name). Trevor is totally and fearlessly gay. He likes dudes and he does not hide it. He talks about guys he likes, or guys he met, or guys we see on TV, and how hot they are. Sometimes it is way too much information for me which he can tell and thinks it is funny to blow my mind.
I know some gay dudes can act and seem straight, but not Trevor. He reminds me of that heavy set character on Modern Family. Anyway, he is just like loud, enthusiastic, and dramatic all the time. And, he is genuinely funny. I find myself laughing all the time at his inappropriate shock humor or whatever you want to call it. He is also incredibly generous, friendly, and always complimenting people.
And yet, I find myself struggling a lot with homophobic feelings. I am used to being around straight and masculine friends, mostly athletes. Trevor is nothing like that. I find myself cringing inside when we are in public and he is like calling attention to us saying overtly gay things and acting effeminate. A lot of the time he is just joking around, but that is kind of just who he is. What makes it worse is he is so loud and he talks to everyone. To be honest, he needs a reality TV show of his own.
He introduces me to literally everyone we run into (like a drive though cashier the other day) as his “cute straight friend” and “cute straight roommate” and make jokes with other people about checking me out when I am not looking and giving me “bro jobs” and crap like that. I don’t think he actually spies on me (with one exception below) and we have not remotely done anything sexual, but he just likes to joke about it. I admit I get embarrassed by it. If I get red in the face that becomes like a joke too.
It is not like I am trying to meet and date girls and afraid he is interfering with me getting female attention, but I do find myself feeling worrying what other people think when we are together. I also feel guilty for feeling that way.
I certainly do not hate him. I don’t hate anyone (except maybe Hitler or something). I think my homophobia is more like just feeling weird and uncomfortable and not knowing how to deal with certain situations. I feel like I have been thrown in the gay culture pool and nobody taught me how to swim and I am freaking trying to act all chill but inside wondering how I got in this situation.
I reject people being violent and hateful. That is why cancel culture is so bogus. We live in America and people are free to do and think what they want in my opinion. It is certainly not Christian to judge or hate on others. I have even stuck up for him before when jerks started some crap when his mouth ticked them off. He seems to have a habit of finding rednecks and know how to trigger them or something. He literally hides behind me when things get serious. Sometimes I don’t even know what he said or why the person is threatening him. Thankfully, nothing has gotten to more than shoving and trash talk.
For what it is worth, my GF thinks it is hilarious I have a gay roommate and he follows me around like a puppy dog and I end up being his protector when he starts commotion. They actually talk and text each other now. That is another weird thing but maybe another question for another day.
So, I guess the question is how do I manage having a gay roommate under the circumstances?
He is not making passes at me or some dilemma like that. He compliments me and comments on my looks and tells me what to wear and stupid crap like that, but he never actually tries to do anything inappropriate. The weirdest thing is he will follow me to the shower room and talk to me while I am showering. He is fully clothed just chatting me up while I take a shower in front of him and try to act like this normal. I guess that is harmless. I can see how something more aggressive from a gay roommate would be a problem for some dudes.
My situation is more my own internal struggle with conflicted feelings about not approving of a homosexual lifestyle in principle but being decent to him as a friend and human being. Also, how do I deal with my own feelings of awkwardness when he behaves the way he does in public? I can put up with the chattering and in your face humor in our room (although it blows my mind and is way too much information sometimes), but I end up being put in difficult situations when he is that way in public.
And before you say, get a new roommate, that is not an option. He is my legit friend now and I am not trying to bail on him. He has told my GF he was afraid I would ask to switch roommates at the beginning he is glad he got lucky with me. That made me feel guilty as well (cause I did think about it at the beginning). But now, I just don’t know what to think or do sometimes. I appreciate any advice.
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Let's get something straight it's not a lifestyle. He was born gay. It's not a choice. Secondly, he's proud of who he is and this is his natural personality as sometimes loud, bold and unashamed.
He's at a place in his life where he is comfortable with who he is and comfortable with you and your girlfriend and knowing he isn't going to be judged.I think he follows you around etc because he hasn't many people in his life he can trust or is as close as you are at school or in his life.
The jokes may be a bit much at times and perhaps uncomfortable and there's nothing wrong with that. Perhaps telling him that it's okay to joke with you but that in public it can draw unwanted attention to himself and others from people who may have bad intentions or judgment.
You need to tell him that it's not always possible to protect him from other people and that he needs to be mindful not to engage with rednecks or anyone else who may try to stir up shit. Ask him to walk away from the situation and teach him how to de-escalate situations.
You have to think of him as being exactly like you and a good person, friend, etc etc but that he likes men and you are attracted to females. There's not much difference there to be honest. You don't have to manage him or having him around.
I think when he compliments you or tells you what you should wear is done to help you. There's nothing to it but that. You can tell him what makes you uncomfortable and put it out there. Maybe he will tone something down. Explain that you don't understand gay culture too well either or how to act or how to deal with certain situations. Explain that sometimes you feel awkward or in the deep end of the pool but make sure you let him know you value him and don't mean this to be offensive.
As far as your girlfriend goes she doesn't feel threatened by him or uncomfortable around him as she might with a straight male. She sees him as a friend and has no issue there and accepts him for who he is and for his personality which he shouldn't and can't change for anyone. She thinks it's hilarious that you are so uptight because she knows deep down that what you're dealing with is a non-issue and that you just have to relax and treat your roommate like anyone else. She embraces who he is and that's where you need to get to.
It's not at all wrong that they text each other or have a bond or friendship that you aren't involved in or a part of or that she understands him on a different level than you do. You just have to let all this stuff go and like you would anyone else appreciate and embrace him for who he is as your friend. He can teach you a lot about yourself and valuable lessons.
Stigma is a horrible thing and I'm sure he has dealt with it a lot so you really have to try to understand the prejudice and daily situation he finds himself in and why he gravitates to you and trusts you to protect and support him. Put yourself in his shoes and picture a role reversal. You'll soon see how silly it is to be uptight. He's not into you at all if that's your worry.
When it comes to other people in public or around him and you get into the frame of mind that you both couldn't give a shit about how things may look to others. It's not about them and if they act that way they'll learn on their own the hard way that they have to do work on themselves and atone for their behaviour except that you'll be long gone to see it happen.
I think you should also look into support groups with him for young people that have an alliance and PFLAG which helps support parents and friends of LBTGQ people so you get a better perspective and can drop any of the uncomfortable feelings you have and support your roommate.
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Hi there, I need an anonymous advice to tackle a nasty situation. I've discussed this with my family and friends but I felt they were biased. I need someone to think about it with impartiality.
So, I came to live in the US with my husband. Initially I was a housewife. Then got a job and now pursuing full-time PhD. There is this woman, wife of my husband's office colleague, absurdly jealous of me. If I buy things she has to buy the exact same thing. If I decorate my house in a certain way, she has to do it ditto. I decorate my house with my paintings.She can't paint so she's buy same patter painting and claim this was her original idea. I love gardening, she didn't have an interest in plants. Even when I gifted her two plants, she killed them with carelessness. But then all of a sudden she started pretending as a gardener in front of other people (mostly in front of the families of my husband's office colleagues). She always tries to compete with me. During potlucks, she praises highly about the food my husband cooks and deliberately avoids praising about my cooking skills and if someone else likes my food better than her and praises me, she'd start telling them how I was a novice and got to learn cooking from my husband (which is not the case, 'cause I've grown interest in cooking even before my marriage and have been a full-phlaged cook since then). She has problem with literally anything and everything I do in life. She tries to belittle me for applying make-up (makes sarcastically comments which are annoying).
Anyway, most of the times I try to ignore her banters. I try to be polite. But recently she put a status about my cooking skill on social media, without any provocation. She tried to make it look as a joke. But I lost my patience and posted a general status about how not to make fun of people (although I didn't mention her name). She got offended and reposted a hate status for me without mentioning my name and then blocked me from everywhere and her husband also unfriended me from facebook. I felt hurt and humiliated, because no matter how badly she treated me I tried to maintain this relationship and I never ever had insulted them but now all she is trying to do is tarnish my reputation and portraying me as a villain. And now they are talking rubbish about me and my husband (who has never a part of all these) to other office colleagues. I will leave for India in couple of months for my PhD. What should I do now? Should I try to mend the relationship with them or just ignore and never contact them again? (link)
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I would tell her to blank off to be honest and that she is pathetic and a real bully and that if she causes anymore shit online or for your husband at work that you'll make it a personnel matter and speak directly to her boss. That should shut her up.
So what if they block you? Good riddance to them. When they see they aren't getting the reaction they want from you they will move on.
Your husbands co-workers and your friends all know who she is, what they are like and who you both really are. They are the only ones that count. Anyone else doesn't. Like all bullies they want attention and something their victim has or traits they have that they themselves don't. She's copied you and has been jealous all this time because she is not secure in who she is nor knows who she is and wants the same attention you have for what you do.
At any rate these people exist and you just have to let it fall off of you like water on a duck. Once they see that you and your husband just don't give a shit about either of them or what they are saying they'll drop it and you'll have them out of your life. I wouldn't bother with her at all but if she does get funny with you let her have it and ask her what the hell her bloody problem is to begin with?
She might be jealous also because she likes your husband or something weird like that because it makes zero sense there either. Anyway.. You both don't need to pay her any mind. Don't give her what she craves--attention.
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Hello. I am currently a high school senior attending an international school in South Korea. I wanted to ask for some relationship advice because I have quite nobody to talk to about this...
My boyfriend and I have been dating for ten months now. He is the sweetest guy; never cheated or looked at other girls, buys me gifts, writes me letters, facetimes me a lot, helps me improve my confidence, gives me great life advice, etc. A lot of people talk to me about how they see that my boyfriend really loves me. Even the teachers were like "You guys could get married one day."
Although I really do enjoy the good parts of our relationship and we really love each other, not everything can be perfect. And the problems I'm facing right now are emotionally affecting me a lot.
The biggest issue is that my parents don't like him. When we first started dating, a lot of people would see us hugging each other or cuddled with each other, sometimes giving each other a little kiss in the school lounges. But because our campus is smaller, the middle schoolers would complain about how "annoying it was" to the school counselor. That darned counselor called my mom twice to complain about that. She has a reputation of being obnoxious and hypocritical, so she most likely stretched the story to make it bigger than it seems. My mom was FURIOUS. She reprimanded me and said that we shouldn't even be holding hands in school and hugging each other is unforgivable. She dislikes my boyfriend mainly because of this incident. It's not like we were having intercourse or making out in front of 20 people; we just hugged and leaned on each other a lot. Were we so wrong for doing something that every other high schooler does?
Although our economic statuses are similar, I grew up much more comfortably than him. His biological dad died when he was in primary school after divorcing his mom, who was financially struggling. My boyfriend lived with his grandparents for most of his childhood, so he says doesn't really remember his biological dad. He has a stepdad and a mom with mildly successful restaurant businesses and their family seems to be happy (I met his family and they were very nice to me, the mom really likes me too). I talked to my parents about this and they said "You can NEVER marry him. He has too many family issues. His mom is going to be very dependent on him and you when you guys are married and it will wear you out." My dad once told me "You guys are going to break up some day and you will come crying to me about how I was right. Go date a better looking guy." My mom told me about five times now "You can NEVER marry him. You should date about three guys before marriage. His family is too messed up." I told my boyfriend about my mom saying this stuff and he got irritated. He said that my parents know nothing about his family (which is true, they've never met) and that me listening to her words and telling him about it says that it makes me too dependent on other people. My mom apologized for saying stuff like this and admitted that she is thinking too far ahead. But that doesn't change the fact that if we ever decide to get married in like twelve years, my parents won't be pleased . I know I am thinking too far ahead but going through all of this drama with my parents just makes me so hopeless and insecure with this relationship.
Another big obstacle placed on our relationship right now is that he is a junior and I am a senior. I am going to college in the United States next August, which means we have to do long distance for at least a year until he graduates too. But even after graduation, there is no guarantee that we will go to college in the same state. He might even enlist in the Korean army, which takes up about 2 years before he heads to college in the States as well. After graduating college, he said he wants to work in the USA while I want to work in Korea. We don't talk about this much often and he says he's not too worried about it because we communicate well and love/trust each other (this is true). However, this is coming up real fast. Everyone around us said that long distance relationships don't work and I'm so scared.
I feel like everything is falling apart and I don't know what to do about it. I really love him so much and I know he does too. He really is a hard working, talented guy with a mindset mature than most kids in our school and I see him being successful in the future. I can clearly picture a happy future with him. We've never broken up once in the ten months but I'm so emotionally unstable that I feel like I depend on him too much sometimes. I don't know what to do. Is this relationship going to fall apart? What can I do to save it or make this situation better? Please help me. (link)
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You love who you love and you really can't change that. If someone else doesn't like it parent or not you can't change that nor can you just for them. If you are incredibly happy and not someone who makes rash decisions then know that you have made the right decision with your partner and let the chips fall where they may.
You should tell your parents that you need then to respect you made a choice even if they don't agree and that you would give them the exact same if role reversed. They have a lot of life experience and have seen things not work out for other people and want the best for you but by not respecting who you are and your choices they are harming you. It could also be a cultural thing. At any rate you marry who you want and have relationships that you want and know that's right for you. It's not about pleasing them or anyone else.
That said, I would have him and his family invite them for dinner so they could see how genuine they all are in their support of you and the relationship. They should get it from that interaction. Have them initiate that for you. If they see that the relationship truly isn't harming you they'll have no choice but to see that it's a healthy situation. That's what I would do. They don't have to agree with everything but they do have to respect choices and that you're an adult.
As far as the come crawling back remark even if that happened they should as parents be open to helping you if it didn't work rather than placing guilt and blame on you now. The thing about supporting his mom financially or giving her place to live is what you are SUPPOSED to do for a parent if needed considering all they gave you. I can't see why they could make an argument about that with no indication that would happen. They're just concerned and nervous parents.
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Age:17
Gender: Female
Question: Why did i orgasm when i got raped?
Hey guys . Recently I got raped, but I still orgasmed. Even though I really didn't want to. I don't know what happened, one moment I was protesting, the next i orgasmed. I don't know what is wrong with me. I hated it so much, yet my body enjoyed it. I feel so guilty and annoyed with myself. I thought as soon as h finished he would leave but he wouldn't stop until i reached climax and eventually orgasmed. Even then he went in for a few more rounds, leaving me in pain. I wish i could erase thy moment from my head. I wish it never happened. What do i do?
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The first thing you need to do although it may be hard is to tell your parents what happened, where it happened, the circumstances and who it was. Have them help you go to the police and have the person charged and get them to get you counselling and support. You need that. You also need to get as far away as possible from this person. A restraining order may/may not be something to consider.
If you know of other girls that are in his orbit and could be victimized by him start making a lot of noise about what he did to you so they can see what he's done. You'll need your parents, loved ones and friends to align behind you to deal with what has occurred.
The only person who should feel shame or blame themselves is the prick who did this to you full stop period. You shouldn't feel guilt or be annoyed with yourself. An orgasm is a physical action that we don't have control over. The fact this happened means nothing at all. It hasn't anything to do with the fact that you were violated, assaulted and need support and to go after this person so somebody else never has this happen to them. Believe me if he's done this once he will do it again. It's a behaviour and pattern with these assholes.
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I’ll try to be as brief as possible, but recently I’ve been having pain on the left side of my mouth when chewing, and I made an appointment with the dentist about it. I had been told before that a tooth on the bottom left in the back was in a bad shape, I think it was that the filling for it was probably going to eventually break or something. I’m in graduate school and really short on money so I had to put that off for now. When I saw the dentist, he looked at my teeth for less than a minute and said I would need root canal and a crown. He said the root canal alone would cost $800, and my insurance (I’m currently on Medicaid) wouldn’t cover either procedure. I had no idea what I was going to do, and leaving me with several unanswered questions, he kicked me out after seeing him for less than 5 minutes.
I called the phone number for insurance and they told me that both a crown and root canal would be covered, they just needed a request from an in-network dentist, and the dentist I saw was. So this seemed to contradict what the dentist told me. I’m actually also not sure now if it’s the bottom tooth that’s the problem, and I think the pain might actually be from a tooth on the top row. I’m really reluctant to go back there, so I tried to find another dentist to see on short notice, but the only one in my immediate area isn’t seeing anyone until a week from now.
The biggest problem is I’m finishing classes this month, and plan to drive from Pennsylvania to Illinois to stay with family while I look for work, which is something I’m already really worried about because I’ll be driving through the Midwest for several days in a 20 year old car in December. My insurance also told me root canal and a crown would only be covered in-network, so I'd have to pay for it entirely if done out of state, so I need to take care of this soon. I really wanted to leave around the 16th (when classes end) at the latest due to worries about snow, so I really don’t know what I’m going to do. Should I just try to see another dentist? The only ones I could find in-network are over an hour away and have 3 star ratings on Google, but I don't know if those ratings really mean much. (link)
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When it comes to dental issues you have to deal with them immediately when it happens. The pain you have now and the problem could become far worse if you let it be. I have been there and regretted it. I think you really need to get booked into a dental clinic and have it looked at before you go anywhere If your insurance will cover it that's terrific. Use that and don't go out of state where you'll have to pay big money.
Here's the thing about reviews on Google or otherwise. You're always going to find people who will bitch about anything and everything and take things out of context with doctors. You have to take it with a grain of salt unless it's review after review after review of bad write-ups. Visit the dentist that you read the reviews for and get this done.
If it's a root canal and a crown it's likely considered a surgical procedure. A general practice dentist may be the person that you see first for example this person and then they might refer you to a surgeon or expert in how to fix that issue. They may not do it themselves. I have had that happen. They may assess you and send you to another person who specializes in this.
A road trip can always wait a few days or a week or so but this is an issue that can't or it will get far worse for you. Also, if you don't have to pay a ton of money by going out of state that's important too. Why go broke?
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How does one deal with an illness that is so depressing, that you'd rather be dead than live with this shit?
My thing isn't gonna kill me, but, I may end up killing myself because of it. A year or 2 ago, I was planning on it, I even had a bridge picked out to jump off of. Its fucked up, I don't want to be in that mental state again. It could cost me my life. Now things are better, (location and financially) but now that this fucked up disease reared its ugly head again, after it was gone for a while, Those ugly, destructive thoughts are coming back. Back then, I didn't do it because it would crush my mom if I killed myself. But my mom is dead now, so I dunno, I'm kinda scared of what I might do to myself if this disease keeps with me.
So I guess my question is how do people do it? as in, living a full life with a fucked up disease? This isn't like, life altering/crippling or anything. But even if its not all that bad as some people. its more than I can handle. This makes me want to be dead more than anything I've faced. Things worked out in such a way that I got a break, for a while, now its back and I dunno what to do. I take pills, which worked for a while, but I guess not anymore. I'm more afraid of me ending my killing myself over it, than the damn disease. Anyway, I guess that's it. thanks for listening.
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Here's what you do. Visit an ER and tell them exactly what you told us. You are in crisis and having suicidal thoughts and in a bad place. You need a mental health team to help you because you are very unwell. If you are scared and know that none of these thoughts, actions are right then you know that you have to visit a hospital and have the psychiatrists on call there put you on a hold for 72 hrs and figure out what to do and give you your life back.
You mentioned several times here that you have a disease that you can't live with. I'm reading behind the lines here thinking that you have been diagnoses before with a mental health issue and nothing seems to be working with medication or otherwise. If this is the case you need to tell your doctor exactly what is going on and that what they have prescribed is not working.
You are as I said in a crisis and need to seek help immediately at a hospital. Enlist people you trust to take you there and help you with this. You will be happy in the end that you have. Your life whether you can see it yet or not has meaning and you are special and valued by those you know. Please get medical attention. Your world will become a lot better if you do. The thoughts you are having aren't normal and are big signs of this.
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28/f
I've been trying to figure out whether or not I've made the right decision in cutting my friend of 10 years out of my life.
When my dad passed away in March, I told everyone (including my friends), that I was going to go off grid for awhile to regroup, which also meant that I wasn't going to respond to anyone until I was ready. All of them met me with support and understanding.
One of these friends, was a girl friend of mine from high school. We used to have a lot of things in common, but I think life pulled us in different directions, but yet we were still able to remain friends. Two weeks after I have told everyone I was going to be off grid, she just texted me "hey." I didn't respond to her mainly because she has had a habit of messaging me randomly purely out of boredom just to talk. I figured since I had already told her I wasn't going to respond and that I was going through a lot, that it should have been fine.
Let me just say that I was going through a lot. I was going through trauma therapy from being in an abusive relationship in November, had lost my job in February, my dad passed in March, and then was having issues with my family dealing with my dad's ashes. I was seeking support and decided to call my friend.
The first thing she said was something very catty and told me that she was surprised to hear from me and that she knew that I was going through something and that because she was there for me for "my shit," that I would be there for her when she was going through hers. She told me that if she was to text me during this time, I should've just KNOWN that it was something important. She continues to tell me about the issues that she was going through (she was being abused in her relationship). I sat there and listened to her, told her that I cared for her and that I was there for her in any support that she needed and to next time to tell me directly that she needed my help.
But even then she told me that she didn't want me to feel bad for not being there for her (which was what she was doing this entire phone call), and when she asked me for my opinion, she pretty much told me that my opinion didn't matter. So at some point, I got confused as to why she wanted to talk to me if she had other people, "who were eligible to give her advice" (her words, not mine).
In the end, I apologized and told her that I just didn't have the emotional or mental bandwidth to be able to talk to someone else about their issues because I was trying to carry my own. She responded with, "just because your dad died??" I was surprised she would even say that. I get that she could have been stressed out, was projecting, taking her anger or stress out on me, and even vented and didn't even bother asking me how I was this entire one hour phone call. But her saying that, was shocking.
After this, I decided to stop talking with her completely. I don't know if this was me overreacting, but I don't think I could have ever gotten to a place where I would have asked for her opinion, told her that her opinion didn't matter, and then invalidate her experience or feelings by saying "oh, just because you're getting beat by your fiance?" (link)
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Cut her loose. She's a crappy friend if she even truly was your friend. She's insensitive, cares only about herself, has unfounded anger directed at you and doesn't care if your father died. Trust your gut that your decision not to talk to her again is a good one. She will cause endless drama if you have her stick around.
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Please advice on keeping rabbits at home. (link)
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Another thing you may not have considered is that they need to come out of their cage for exercise and the house needs to be completely rabbit proofed. I
You have to make sure they haven't any access to electrical wires and cords from electronics or anything plugged into a socket including TV's, fridges, freezers, toasters whatever you have plugged in in your home will attract them. You have to take a lot of care that power cords HDMI cables, power bars, extension cords etc etc cannot be accessed. It's also a fire hazard for humans too should they chomp on on wires that are plugged in.
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hii i used my sisters vibrator not thinking and she doesnt have stds but for the past couple of weeks ive been itchy every so often and my vag smell smells diff im 13 (link)
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The only thing I would add is that personal items like this shouldn't be shared for the reasons you outlined and per the advice below. Your sister likely wouldn't be happy you did so I wouldn't mention that part obviously. However, there is nothing wrong with being curious and mentioning you saw it and wanted to know more about them. She might be very open with you about this and perhaps may be able to get you your own if asked. That may be better than asking your mom if you reach out to an older female who has no problem with talking about this or purchasing one. There's a lot worse you could ask about than this. Masturbation is a normal thing everyone does so discussing this with a parent or an older female you trust like your sister shouldn't be something to feel embarrassment or even worse shame about. I would start a dialogue with her.
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How to become an olympian? (link)
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The reality is that most people won't make it into the Olympics and that's okay. It's always a good thing to strive for something and have a dream but keep in mind it takes people who have done something their entire lives and often since they could walk to be in the Olympics.
I would focus your efforts on being the best athlete you can be and enjoy doing that regardless if you ever make it to that level. It may not take you to the Olympics but every idol and talent that has made it starts from the bottom up by becoming a skilled athlete in their discipline.
If you focus your effort on being a great athlete and the best you can be in your sport that's key. That's a very good thing to do. Let the chips fall where they may. Regardless of ever getting to the Olympics you will have achieved something far better and attainable by learning life skills such as discipline, keeping at something constantly and commitment and sacrifice to get where you want to be as an athlete.
Join teams at school for fun and set goals in sports and something attainable. When you do that and achieve something you never thought you could that's even better than having a medal around your neck on a personal level. Strive for that but don't quit dreaming because a dream is the ultimate thing that will drive you forward.
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My lease is up in January and I’m thinking about moving to another state. I currently live in apartment and I realize that maybe living alone isn’t the best thing for me right now. I talked to my sister and she said I could live with her. She has a nice house and a spare room for me. I feel good about moving but at the same time I like my current job. At the moment it’s remote until next year but I don’t know the exact day I need to to return to the office. Im currently applying for jobs in the state I want to live but don’t know if I’ll have new job before my lease is up. What should I do? (link)
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End the lease and move in with your sister until such times that you find a job. This is what she has offered. Take her up on it and on the grounds that while you are with her that you will keep searching for the right job. While you like the job you are in now you have to look at the bigger picture. Is there something way better out there that could unfold? Does your current company look to be stable amid COVID-19? It seems as though you need a change and have to trust that voice within you to make one.
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