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I aim to give you solid advice on your problems. I don't sugarcoat things and I'm always straight up. Don't come asking for what you want to hear as I always give the truth even if you don't want it because it's what you need and the only way to grow.
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Last Update: November 21, 2014
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Hello Advicenators: I have a 590 credit rating and am 58 years old. I recently decided to pay off legitimate old debt and clean up my credit report via disputing items as needed. Can I dispute items on my credit report by myself via some website? The agencies out there seem to charge high fees. Thanks, Dzadzy (link)
http://www.consumer.ftc.gov/articles/0151-disputing-errors-credit-reports

You would be wise to get a lawyer or financial expert that knows exactly what they are doing to assist you in this with disputing as well as cleaning up your record.

I had a prof. once that was a lawyer and asked about credit problems. They told me that collection agencies are allowed to harass you with certain rules about how for 2 years by phone or letter only. Once that has passed they can't unless the creditor sells your file to someone else. They won't. Never tell a collections agency you will pay a debt no matter how old. This allows them to start the 2 year process on you all over again.


Hello Advicenators: I shop and spend a lot of Money at Menard's. It is a big box home improvement store. It is or was my favorite store. They have more of my monthly income than a food store. I try to keep busy and have many projects to keep my mind busy, so to speak. I am on Social Security Disability. I am 58 years old and on a fixed income. About a month ago (since that is the day I last visited) I was at Menard's at 6:30 when they opened. The floor scrubber guy was following me around and came within inches of hitting me. I have a psychiatric condition due to my disability. I have not been back to Menard's since for fear. I contacted the manager. He sent me two dog toys and apologized. I just feel terrible. This store really has me scared. Do I have any legal recourse here for some sort of compensation? Respectfully, Dzadzy (link)
No. The store owes you nothing financially. I'm not a legal expert but I'm sure a lawyer would tell you that this would never fly.

Why would you want to sue them when the management upon hearing of your condition tried to make things better? Yes they sent dog toys but it's something to indicate concern.

You need to sit down with your psychiatrist and go over why you are anxious to enter that particular store and go over the irrational fears in your head and learn strategies so you can go back in and see that the store is of no threat to you. You're not at that point yet but can be. You simply have to go back inside or this will have defeated you. If it's not this store now it may be somewhere else if not dealt with.

Another thing may be to meet store staff if possible and relate that you like shopping there but as someone with X,Y,Z that there's something about their store in particular that sets off anxiety in you. Perhaps, if you talk to the management maybe they'll see other people can be affected and work at making it easier to shop there.

Mention the floor scrubber. The other thing is go to Menards later in the day when people aren't likely to crowd the place. You went at 6:30 a.m. Wait a few hours the floor crew won't be present. You could also visit a different location. But yes, your psychiatrist ought to know about this.

As far as a fixed income goes this may be an opportunity to research other stores and how much things cost at Wal-Mart, Targer etc. etc. and shop at different places and how to stretch what you have better so Menards isn't the only place you're going to.


So my friend, (lets call him C) is not a best friend but a good one, and I want him to come over to dinner tonight at my house. I don't have a crush on him or anything, but yeah.And when I invite him over I don't want it to sound weird or anything like i'm asking him out--we are only in elementary school.
Help me please. (link)
Just invite him over for dinner. Leave it at that. You don't have to explain anything else to him. There's nothing weird about the invite. You can't control how he will perceive the invite but most would think of it as a friend who invited them somewhere.

I wouldn't worry about that unless he asked which he won't flat out why you invited him. Go ahead with the invite and enjoy him coming over.


Me and my fwb have been seeing each other for 5 months now and things are pretty good between us. Lately he's been asking what I feel about us being in a relationship. He's asked a few times and each time I say I want to be but then he won't say what he wants or how he feels. There has also been a few times when he says maybe we'll be serious or be official but he won't say for sure. I'm not sure why he keeps bringing it up if he won't really do anything about it or is he waiting for me to say something? But I've already told him yes more than once so I'm not sure what to do. What do you think? (link)
Tell him that he must tell you how he feels about this issue or stop talking about it. You have told him how you feel. Why is he not so sure? It's unfair to drag this out for 5 months. He needs to tell you how he feels or not raise the issue again.


Hi, I'm 15 and started taking dance lessons a year ago as a school activity. I'm often told I'm good at it and I'm one of the most flexible in the class, but the teacher often gives me very basic and background parts if any at all, usually as I'm short and inexperienced. i get seriously frustrated when even the very bad dancers get more challenging parts. Most of the girls in my grade are the stereotypical "princesses" and make the rest of us have really cruddy parts or skip performances whenever they got the chance. They'd bully or have their parents intimidate the seniors into singling out and scolding anyone that doesn't agree with them in front of everyone, which happened to me.
Can anyone give some advice on how to deal with the drama? or how to improve on skills like balance or do things like turns etc.? sorry about the length, i really need help. Thanks for reading, i really appreciate it (link)
Voices in people's heads scream loudest to quit when they are just about to have a lot of success.

My advice is to screw politics or what everyone else is doing and how their parents act. Maintain focus on your parts no matter how cruddy or small you think they are. Dance your heart out and act grateful.

Instructors will eventually see it and perhaps let you tackle more. Show the instructor you care more than those who constantly skip rehearsals.

Worry only about what you are doing and not about what others are doing. You don't have to like these people but you'll get on better in classes if you find one thing you admire or like about each of them and focus on this.

This may ease tension and cause them to like you. If they see you can't be bothered by what they are doing than they will cease.

I'm not a dancer but constant practice to nail something hard is definitely where I would start. Perhaps dancers on the site will have more insight. I would also ask the instructor and say you want to improve turns and balance and get ideas. They will help you.

Also, the teacher may have you do what seems to be basic parts but the reason could be to fix certain things about your technique before giving you a challenging role that you can handle. If you want challenging roles you have to go out there dance your butt off and wait because hard work is rewarded eventually.


So me and my boyfriend have been together long distance for 7 months and he is finally coming in to celebrate my birthday with me. We've been talking about having sex and him figuring me and eating and me giving him a blow job and all that. But my problem is I have discharge. I wear a liner everyday in my underwear but it would be embarrassing to have to say before we do anything, "oh gotta take out my liner and clean". Like I don't know what to do, please give an answer!! Also, I know we are going to kiss, but I've never kissed anyone before... any advice on a first kiss. I'm excited but a little nervous because I've never done it before. PLEASE HELP A SISTER OUT!!! I COULD REALLY USE THIS ADVICE AND HELP!!!!!!! (link)
If I were you I would want to know where the daily issue with discharge stems from. Perhaps seeing a doctor for cause and to see if it can lessen is a good idea. You want to know what it is and why before being intimate with anyone.

If it's fine then tell your partner that you need to shower and excuse yourself to do so. That's how you can deal with the situation. As far as your last question try telling the truth and have him make sure you are comfortable.

I think you're trying to rush through all of this and need to slow down and be ready. So what if you haven't seen one another for 7 months? If you haven't even kissed you really shouldn't be rushing into intimate activity this fast. I think you should slow down for starters. It's evident the sexual stuff should be put on hold. You're not ready yet.


I struggled with depression. Will things ever get better? I cant talk to anyone but a therapist because I am afraid to reach out. I am missing out on life, last few year have been a lot of downs. I am unsure of myself. I have little confidence in myself. I was hopeful and even happy for a while but then things got messed up again. Why???? I don't get it. Can you help me because I feel like I got lost along the way. (link)
A therapist isn't a doctor or a psychiatrist for that matter. I think you should find a psychiatrist and tell them that you cannot function, are afraid to reach out for help, are missing out on life and are having a lot of ups and downs lately. Mention the confidence.

Have them assess you and check out your medication. You might have been on medication before that seemed to work but didn't judging from your note. I think if you address all of the above issues that you will be on the path to wellness and success. Never be afraid to reach out. All that will happen is an abundance of options and help offered to you. That's how they work.


Hi, I am a junior in high school and hate where I dance at, it is so unproffessional. The only other dance studio options I have are either way too expensive our they just plain suck. I am on competition and we already have learned all of our dances so it is too late to back out now, but Im afraid that next year if I switch to a better studio, I will be in the back of all the dances. The studio I go to now skips classes monthly for stupid reasons and I feel like its a waste of my money. I am so done but if I quit all together, I will have no dance education and no hope for college. (link)
If you are already committed to a competition where others would be adversely affected if you left stay with it and do the competition and then leave. That's the professional and high road to take.

It would appear that the instructor has stopped caring or enjoying what they do. If they are taking a whole month off for vacation or other reasons that isn't right at all. You aren't getting what you paid for and are free to leave unless they have you on a contract where they get a year's worth of money paid monthly.

It sounds as though you will flourish with a better studio that you research carefully. Talk to the instructor about what you have achieved and that you don't want to be at the back in all their dances. I'm sure they'll have a solution for you.

if you quit after the competition you will in fact have dance education still. You can list all you achieved with that studio and nobody can take that from you and then join a new one. I cannot fathom how any of this will have an iota of influence on you getting into the college you want later.


Hi.. 15F
*̩ know this guy about 5 years now and have a huge crush on him.. He asked me out and ofcourse *̩ said yes.. But *̩ live like 45km outside of town and he wants me to come vissit friday and sleepover .. *̩ realy want to but "̮м̣̣̣̥γ̥"̮ mom won't let me plus its far from home.. Help please?
(link)
I wouldn't want my daughter having any guy over for a sleep over either. Talk to your mother again and ask if he can just visit and then go home in the evening. That may be something she's open to.


Female, 18. Alright, here's the deal. I'm already going through my first year of college... but am still completely undecided as to what the heck I want to do with my life. I'm in a Geology major because I randomly found it interesting but backed up my choice with a bunch of bullshit whenever people ask me why I chose it. I'm considering changing from universities and here's why: I was too worried about the college I got into. I'm from Puerto Rico so the "best" universities here are considered to be the UPR ones (University of Puerto Rico) - I'm in one of them. I like to write a lot, therefore I considered going into an English major - NO. That's what I've heard, but from people I know and the internet. Sadly its true. Straight to the point because this is getting too long: even if I get into a college that is not very known, will I have chances of getting a job?

In case this helps, I'm thinking about either Mech-Tech (because even though I'm a girl I love cars and I find mechanics to be vastly interesting) or Polytechnic (computer science, computer engineering, or architecture).

I am sorry about the long explanation, but I really need some outside advice on this. Not just if I could possibly have some job prospect in the future, but also where would be the best places to find job considering the options in the previous paragraph (even if its in the US, I don't mind, my English is almost perfect with barely any accent and I'm not picky). (link)
You won't get very far as a Geologist. That's a limited field. You need to minor or change the major to something practical. Does it matter the name of the school you went to? Yes and no.

They'll want to know where you got your degree and what program it was and perhaps references from the program head or profs. However, employers generally are more interested in skills you have that relate to the job rather than the school.

There are always biased people out there who will only hire grads from certain schools because they went there etc or it has a good rep. You should be fine though.

So, you like to write and can do it well. That's great. do you enjoy researching, interviewing and the idea of reporting? If so you may be a great candidate for a journalism program.

You don't have to be a male to like cars and be mechanically minded. You could look into auto repair programs, airplane and truck repair as well as those programs do exist and are often sponsored by all the major auto makers. That's an idea.

There's a lot you can do. More than you thought actually. Most people your age haven't a bloody clue even if in college what they want to be years from now. That's not uncommon nor is the desire to switch to a program better suited to you.

Here's what you should do visit the school counselor or head of current program and tell them that you feel strongly that you chose the wrong major and program and are unhappy. Tell them your interests and ask for guidance on where you fit best and then transfer into a new program when allowed to.


21/f, 28/m

I have been with this guy for 7 months now. I know I must be reading too much into this, but I noticed that he posted on Facebook that a woman older then him, asked him a few questions because he looked so young and was curious as to how he got his job, etc. His friends commented on it saying that he should have asked her out on a date, that she was into him, etc. He liked the comments but said that she was a bit too old and not his type. Which, pretty much made it clear that nobody really knows about me.

I've asked him before if anybody knows that he's seeing me, he said no. He says he's a private person who doesn't talk about himself a lot. A close friend of his knows about me and so does his house mates (my guess is because they see me at their house), but that's about it.

I'm the type of person who tells others if he/she asks if I'm seeing anybody. Which, majority of the time, people do ask. It seems like he's somewhat bothered by it but I don't really understand why.

I know there's a difference between secrecy and privacy, but it makes me curious if he's keeping me a secret and telling other people that he's not seeing anybody when they ask. Am I thinking too much into it or should I just wait for awhile before talking about it with him? (link)
Maybe there is someone else and maybe not. Perhaps he is unsure if you are going to be a steady girlfriend or not. At any rate he's behaving like an ass and the whole "I'm a private person" line is pure and utter BS.

There is some reason why he doesn't want to acknowledge the relationship or you to friends, family whomever and that's not right. Either he's with you and proud of it or he's not. Put your foot down and tell him either he tells people you're together or you're leaving because you aren't wasting time waiting on someone who has no clue what he wants.

He's treating you like a doormat and this behavior isn't right. I think you deserve better and should look for it. I wouldn't want to be with anyone embarrassed, ashamed or whatever else to acknowledge who I am. You shouldn't put up with that kind of shit. He's in the wrong and has serious explaining to do.


I've been with a girl for about 6 months and she has a daughter that's almost 2. She works a lot of overtime of provide for her (she's very low income), and has pointed out that the baby daddy never wanted her and didn't do anything to help support her when they were together. She left the baby daddy shortly after her daughter was born when she lived in his state and moved back here. He has not visited his daughter since or paid barely any child support. According to her, he has never even had a job, but has an associates degree. She says she is trying to sue him for child support. Is it wrong that she still is friends with him on Facebook then? She even responds and laughs at some posts he puts up to be funny. He asks how they are doing once a week through there but doesn't make any efforts to do anything else. He doesn't call or visit. She told me he wouldn't sign over his parental rights since he wants to leave it open to come back into their life since "part of him still loves" my girlfriend. I'm having a hard time accepting how she wants to have any relationship with him, despite him not visiting or providing support. Is she just going easy on him or is this a bigger red flag? Do I have to accept how friendly they are, even though he's not there for them? (link)
Not a red flag. She has years of history with this guy and a daughter by him. She is trying to maintain cordial relations with him and hopes he gets his shit together and pays attention to his kid. There's no love there but people together that long can have some kind of civil interaction and contact.

That's all. Nothing to get jealous about or concerned over. However, if she is to successfully sue him for child support she needs to cut out the Facebook, trying to maintain a relationship online or off or a lawyer can easily point to a judge or his lawyer that she's pushing for a relationship of some kind and trying to sue him at the same time.

Could she go harder on him and ask him to clean p his life, get a job, pay for his kid's needs and be an active parent hell yes. She should but it's up to him for the follow trough. She could cut him off all together but that may do nothing and may getting money from him a lot more difficult. Either she sues him and has no more to do with him or she doesn't. It has to be her choice but you can suggest all this and tell her exactly how you feel and if you considered leaving over it.

She may lose a legal fight and money for her kid that way. If she isn't suing him either now or in the future than she can maintain a civil interaction with him. You don't have nor need to like this but it's her choice.


But I did not go deep not even an inch but I still bked.I have long nails though ;'( (link)
That would do it as would being too vigorous. Sounds like they were sharp and you nicked yourself. Bottom line trim your nails as that can cause bleeding, discomfort and irritation as you described. You're fine though. Nothing to worry about.


I'm looking for a really accurate plagiarism checker, because I'm really sick and tired from those which are inaccurate. I need the checker to show 100% precise results!!! Please, do not suggest free ones. Thanks! (link)
If I read this correctly you're looking for an online tool or electronic device, app or whatever to accurately detect the presence of plagiarism. I haven't heard of such a thing.

The best way to detect is to know the subject the person is writing about well and do your research and cross reference as many online, print and other sources to ensure the individual didn't lift without attribution.

If you're scared that it's you that is inadvertently copied, worded or lifted something than my advice would be to trust your gut and strike it out of there and or not to consult any sources, papers, documents about a subject until yours is done and complete. Nobody could accuse anyone then.


I'm 13 years old and in a few weeks I'm going to the doctors to talk about my anxiety. I'm afraid that if I get put on medication it'll change who I am, like I will start taking more risks and hurt myself. The alternative would be getting put in therapy but what does a therapist really do? I already talk about it to my mom and friends so how will talking to a therapist help? I'm just really nervous please answer if you could help me with any of these questions. Sorry for the lack of information, I had to do this quickly. Also please tell me have any ideas on how to bring up these topics my mom. Thanks! (link)
Anxiety disorders are a psychiatric disorder and need a mental health professional be it a shrink or psychologist NOT a regular therapist. It needs constant monitoring and counsel.

Medication won't change who you are or rob you of your personality, talents and other things that make you who you are. What it will do over time and being patient is make symptoms and affects of your illness dormant so you can live a normal and productive life free of anxiety attacks and thoughts. I recommend you do it asap.

What does the mental health professional do? Well for starters they figure out what your symptoms are and how anxiety affects you and what triggers an attack. They offer tips, monitor your medication and thoughts and make sure you aren't needing emergency help and are progressing normally and functioning without fear of having a problem reoccur.

Tell your mother the truth about what you are feeling and be brutal about not being able to function and ask that she take you to a doctor or emergency room if considered an emergency situation. Believe me she will get you help no question if you ask for it.


M/16
My family is very into hunting and I'm a vegitarian so I don't hold the same idea about it that they do. They say that deer are the most beautiful animals in Pennsylvaina, and that they are the most amazing animals around. How can they say this and look forward to killing them? I've asked them before but they never could give me a solid answer. It'd make more sense to observe them in nature instead of killing them and praising them for how wonderful they are. Dose any one have an idea why? (link)
I really can't tell you why individuals would think one thing and preach another. In this case it probably has something to do with tradition and what someone else in the family taught them long ago about hunting and enjoying it.

That's why they can't answer you because they have never thought of it from any other perspective that what they are doing if only for sort isn't right.

I thin what you need to do is confront them again. Tell them that you cannot understand why they would call deer the most beautiful animals in PA. yet enjoy hunting them for sport and or eating them when in fact they don't need to. Tell them that's a conflicting message to send to a kid and expect them to figure out.

See what answer you get when you ask them to be brutally honest about why they choose to hunt these or any other animal and don't let them off with deflecting the question. Get your answer.

They probably have trouble justifying it to themselves and or have never thought about it. Make them think about it and explain your vegetarianism and what drives it. Hopefully, if you keep challenging them and pressing for a real answer you'll get one. They can't snow you.


any online websites that would help me a lot? (link)
I took a cursory look on Google (there are lots of links) and found a few things that may help that stood out immediately. The first is a book that you can download in PDF on Understanding Algebra by James W. Brennan. LINK: http://www.jamesbrennan.org/algebra/

If you head to Amazon.com type in Algebra II For Dummies by Mary Jane Sterling. It's $17 in paperback and $12 if you have a Kindle or Amazon's kindle app. If you aren't able to use Amazon any bookstore could have it or order it in.

Kumon also has workbooks through their site or Amazon on Algebra. If you can afford it getting their one on one tutoring may be a way to go or have your teacher find a tutor with you that really understands this stuff and can simplify it so you know it as well as anyone else.


I cheated on my husband cause i felt abanden lonely.not sexy but i met this guy and we use to talk.and made me felt wanted again but not.even a.week.later he asked to borrow money so i said k then.1 month later again and i said no. Then he tells me he had sex with his ex.and ask to borrow money again i told him no and he begged.me.to.so.i dont answer.his.calls no more is that all he.wanted to make me.feel loved and.wanted just to use me (link)
He preyed on your vulnerability and was only in it for sex and money. He knows you needed to feel loved so he acted as though he were providing that.

You're wise not to have anything else to do with him. He only wants to bleed you dry financially and use you. That's the truth unfortunately. He's pretty brazen with asking for money only after knowing someone 7 days.


I am seriously, seriously dreading October 15th as my older brother and his wife might be visiting. I seriously do not like this because each time they come down here, they end up using my room. I do not like this as they have a habit of going through my things and give me problems with what I own. Examples include my old action figures when I was a child which are stuffed in the closet and a Confederate Flag which I have hanging on my wall (I keep it mainly for my admiration for History). They also give me issues about something new each time they visit.

Sometimes it is something they just brought up or imagined. I say this because many years ago back when they visited in 2005, they had the nerve to accuse me of yelling at their only child when I do not recall such a thing and now I fear they might accuse me of something EVEN worse.

Lastly, I do not like being displaced because I feel a sense of inferiority considering I still live with my father. I also do not like this because I have no where to leave when my brother and his wife visit. I have tried to tell my family I do not like them using my room nor do I like them giving me problems. I want my room to be mine when they come. I am sick of being walked on by my family who does not respect how I feel when my brother and his wife come to visit.

How do I get them to listen where everyone wins and I keep what is mine?

Displaced and Frustrated. (link)
I don't know the layout of your home but I am willing to guess that your room is probably one of the only places they can go.

If it were not than I can't see them staying there otherwise. You need to ask your father to speak to them that you are upset over last time they stayed in your room.

Have him tell them that it was disrespectful to riffle through your personal belongings and make critical comments towards you about them or in general. And, he needs to develop a backbone and tell them that they treat you and everyone else in the house with respect or find a hotel.

You yourself can't come out and say that. However, you are well within your right to let them know that you're not putting up with their shit for another second if they start in. Let it roll off your back if you can as these people aren't worth it relatives or not.

You can tell your father that for those reasons and them being cruel towards you and accusatory that you would prefer them not to use your room and see what happens. Do it in a mature fashion and don't whine if he doesn't side with you due to space.

The other thing is if you think you have something in your room that they'll criticize you for find a way to move it to a file cabinet, or place you can lock it up and keep them from accessing.


If you knew your 27 year old brother was on cocaine and heroin and you felt that having him arrested was the only way to protect his life, would you do it?

If you, your parents, and your other siblings had tried everything, and I mean EVERYTHING short of getting him arrested and it all had failed to get him off of the drugs, what would you do? What if you had enough proof that he possesses drugs for the police to make the arrest? Would you actually call the police and have your own brother cuffed and thrown in jail?

He's already been arrested twice and sent to rehab twice and of he's arrested again he could be in big, BIG trouble. He might hate you if you do it and although your parents have talked about doing it themselves, everyone else might think you're a horrible brother. Still, you love home too much to let those consequences control your decision.

He actually overdosed once and almost died. His roommate had to call an ambulance and when they got there, your brother had stopped breathing and they had to shove a tube down his throat to force air into his lungs. You had to drive you parents to the hospital because upon hearing the news, they went into some kind of episode driven by the fear that their son was either dying or dead.

In addition to the fear you feel for your brother, your parents are living in agony because they're terrified for his life and you're worried that their stress and anxiety is damaging their health. You mom can't sleep well most nights and can't sleep at all some nights. She's constantly on the verge of having a coronary because of she can't live with the terror of her son dying from a drug overdose and your dad is always stressed out too. Your siblings live in agony as well and it'd just be better for everyone if your brother got off the drugs one way or another. What would you do? (link)
I would hand him the note you just wrote us and tell him this is where the rest of the family are at with his addiction. Stage an intervention with the family and try to get him back into treatment.

If he won't you have to get tough as a family and let him know that if he's on hard drugs or any drugs that you don't want to be involved with him anymore.

Your family needs to tell him that if he
pardon my word choice fucks up again and lands in jail that he could be behind bars for quite a while. The problem with addiction is that you can lead an addict to help but it's on them to take it and make it work.

It hasn't worked before. He needs something more aggressive with treatment but it's on him to stick with the program and get better. You have to try.

Are you a bad brother for wanting what is best for him no matter what? No. You aren't. You're all backed up against a wall here. Would I report him to a probation officer or tell the police what he has in his possession?

That's tough but if it's life and death and your parents are considering it as a last resort than as a family make the decision together not alone.

You can imagine if you or they do so that he's not going to be happy with whomever does perhaps for the rest of his or your lives but if it saves his.. A Catch 22.

Try as a family to get him to enter rehab again and that this is his last chance and that a probation officer or those who arrested him previously would have to be contacted in order to save his life. No clear-cut answer for this.






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