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Very difficult situation here.

I have a boyfriend of two years. I love him so much, he is the world to me.
About two months ago I cheated on him, while very drunk. I kissed a boy I'm in college with. Not for long but it was still unacceptable. Then later on that night, I ran into a male friend of mine (who is 100% gay) and kissed him for about two seconds, in jest. Naturally I felt awful.
I told him about the first kiss straight away, because I thought it was important to. He was mad and we had a rough time but he said it was ok because I told him about it.
At the time, I did not think the kiss with the gay friend was important. it has since started to eat me alive. And I don't know if I should say anything or stay quiet/
I think honesty is very important but on the other hand I don't want to hurt him more, over something stupid. Also, I think it makes it look like I will continue to cheat on him when I know I will not. I feel horrific, and I know I'm not deserving of this guy, but I really need some help.

Thanks. (Im 20 by the way) (link)
Tell him you were hammered which is what you were and that you weren't aware or in control of your behavior. Tell him that all that transpired was a kiss he already knows about and a second with a friend both of you know is gay.

Let him know under no circumstances would you have ever done any of this sober and have felt tremendous guilt over both instances since and that it's really been eating you. Telling the truth is paramount. He may be upset but it's what is right. You'd want to know if he did something similar. There should be no secrets between partners.

Next, it is in your best interest to quit drinking as you can't handle it responsibly and are never in control when very drunk and are making awful choices as a result that you may not realize until later.

Either quit drinking or start watching who you are hanging out with and don't drink at all at any social gathering to ensure that you are in full control. Leave if you see anyone doing anything that could lead to trouble for yourself if swept into it. I would tell your partner that you plan to do this so nothing like this ever transpires again. Have a sober buddy spot for you in social situations and get you out of there if trouble could exist.


I'm 20 and I've never been kissed or even asked out. A few times guys have kind of joked about asking me out, but never clearly sincerely. being honest with myself, i'm not unattractive or anything, and i'm literally nice to everyone - it's in my nature, i'm not being fake. so i don't know what i could be doing wrong, or what's putting guys off. when i was younger i'd even go on random internet group chats and guys would often hit on me.. but how is that really different from random guys catcalling on the street, which also feels a bit creepy. i don't know.. i never saw this future for myself. even my mom dated when she was in high school, and here i am, in college, without even having been on a date. i'm not a prude at all, too, so i'm just lost at what could be the cause of this. i wish it didn't bother me, but it does. it's truly bothered me since about 17 or 18, when i was like... wait a minute. i used to eat up teen romance novels and now they are the death of me, cause they just appear unrealistic, as i can't relate to them, whatsoever. any advice? not sure what i'd do without this site, cause i find my problem very embarrassing. (link)
Let's throw away that whole age thing into the trash and erase it from your thinking. Yes, others may have experienced a kiss earlier but it's all about the right time and right person.

You are still young and not at all pathetic by any means if you haven't had that yet or a meaningful relationship with someone of the opposite sex. It will happen when you are ready.

You can experience a first kiss at any age and just because yours comes at and older age than peers doesn't mean anything. In fact, you could be well off.

A lot of your peers have probably dated guys who weren't all that mature or kissed ones who were toads or weren't memorable or regretted. By waiting you likely will avoid that and have a sincere guy in the end.

The other thing is people can tell if you aren't confident about yourself and even if you don't think you are sending off that vibe around guys or in general the perception may be different. It's something to consider working on.

Also start talking to people you like. Throw a mixer where you can meet people or invite them to a gathering ie bowling, movie or group activity and see if you hut it off with someone.

As far as Internet chats while you are adult it's best to stop using them. You have NO idea who those guys are. Furthermore, the person they say they are may be fictional not who the really are at all.

You never know what they will say and who they may be targeting. That's a bad idea to hang out talking to random people who may or may not have bad intentions. Then again, some could be genuine. Don't give out personal info.

My advice is to be who you are and not get hung up on this. Eventually the right person is going to notice you and a relationship and kiss will happen. Know that there is nothing at all wrong with you and that this can happen at any age.

More and more people start dating in their late teens anyways to avoid the wrong people. Just be comfortable in your own skin as that goes a long way with guys noticing you.

Ideally I would work with a therapist about this bothering you and your confidence lacking and not knowing if there's anything you are doing wrong or that is keeping guys away. If you work on this and become comfortable with yourself it could improve things. There's nothing wrong with you but venting this and getting some ideas and realizing you are not pathetic is a good thing.


Can a octor tell if you've ben fingered? (link)
No. They can tell if the hymen was stretched but not the method. They wouldn't be phased or care about this. They know it's normal with teens, older people etc as it's a form of masturbation. Nothing to be concerned about when seeing a doctor. It will never come up.


I have a dilema.Its bugging me.Pricking at my gut and wont leave me alone.I have been pursuing this guy for a very very long time.We will be moving in together soon.We are in a long distance relationship.During our time,we never said we were boyfriend and girlfriend,but we have been flirty and the whole bit. I was on his Instagram,and found a photo of him kissing another woman,who was at the time his girlfriend.Even on Facebook,it is listed and posted that he was in a relationship with her. This lasted from May 2013-January 2014. He and I talked so much during that time.Never once did he tell me about her.He took time to post on social media about his relationship,but never to me.They photos of them kissing,having fun,the whole bit.Its as if I never even existed.Obviously,Im deeply hurt. Im hurt because he already knew I loved him,he already knew I cared and had feelings,and yet still he went to be with her. Why didnt he tell me?
Why was I left out in the cold?
Why did he lie?
Should I mention this now? Or should mention it when I finally get there to see him.
I have know about this for 3 months,and it bothers me at my gut every single day
Am I wrong because I felt this?
Was he right or wrong?
Just because we didnt make a full commitment to one another,we did confess we had feelings for each other and liked eachother.
Please,my gut is punching at me. (link)
I have a feeling you thought you were in a long distance relationship and that he didn't. After all you neither or you thought the other was boyfriend or girlfriend. Therefore, if that commitment was never made he's done nothing wrong by pursuing a relationship with or kissing someone while abroad. It's hard to tell why he didn't mention it to you.

If someone is a close friend they will talk to you on social media a lot and sometimes if it's a male talking to a female or vice-versa can come across as flirty when not intended.

I think you have strong feelings for him which he may not have for you. Right now you feel hurt but really cannot claim to have been in a relationship without either of you believing the other was their boyfriend or girlfriend. You never set up boundaries

You have feelings and a crush that runs deep. Right now you need to tell him your true feelings and how you felt crushed when you saw the photos and other girl. Let him know you wish he had told you.

Perhaps if it's out in the open you will be able to do something about your relationship. However, he may just see you as a close friend or may not want to be involved romantically.

If you are to live together you need all of this stuff to come out and be dealt with or it will be a giant elephant in the room. You'll resent one another and it will not end nicely. Talk to him and get all of this out.



I've been having a sexual relationship with a manager within my company... Not very often and Not for very long... I met with him last night and things were different than before. Before I even realized what was happening he had 1 hand around my throat And the other slapping my face... I felt paralysed. (I am an abuse survivor) then he proceeded with anal, no lube... Didn't ask me I just took it. We didn't talk about it afterward but now I'm a wreck emotionally and physically... I don't know what happened I trusted him. Why do I feel so emotionally unstable about this? (link)
The short answer go to the police about being assaulted. You really have no choice. He has probably done this to others. He may be your boss and you may lose a gig but believe me its necessary to come forward. You also need counseling to help deal with this emotionally. Those feelings are normal.

Incidentally, look up Jian Ghomeshi on Google and how he was a powerful broadcaster/actor and for years did the same thing as the manger did with you. He's in huge trouble. Perhaps reading his story and that of victims will lead you to come forward and say something to people who can deal with him.


I think my granddad has dementia, but my mom is denial about it and won't get him tested. What can I do? (link)
Some memory issues with older people can be expected but if this is a blanket problem than all you can do is state your observations. Make your case to an adult and let them handle it.

I don't know if your mother is in denial or not because I can't observe the situation. It will be difficult for her to address. Aside from what you have voiced to er it's really up to her to know when it's time to do something.

For all you know she's likely as concerned but figures the situation for now is not one that requires doctor intervention yet or completely destroying quality of life. If he can function somewhat normally that may be her reluctance to act further just yet.


I don't think so u gave me the right answer was it comfortable to you to understand my question. By the way I don't know how to ask a question regarding sexual health problems. Thanks for helping me/giving advice to me. Bye.
(link)
We aren't sure what your first question was about. You see all we have in front of us now is what you just typed just now to go on.

I can't tell you whether your previous made anyone uncomfortable. I highly doubt it. Perhaps what may of occurred if no answers were that people felt they didn't know enough about the subject to give you a decent answer and hoped others would notice it and answer. It happens.

If you have a question on sexual health all you have to do is go back to the Get advice tab and fill in the question form. It will appear after moderators see it for everyone to answer.


okay, so, Christmas is coming soon, and I don't have any idea what to give to my little brother. I can't afford to buy anything right now due certain circumstances. i know he really loves Pokemon, but I don't got any idea what to give to him. I was planning on just painting some related to Pokemon on a canvas... since its what I'm best at, and also get him something related to a Pokemon, but i don't know what.

someone please help me. !!! (link)
When in doubt consult the one person who knows this kid best. You guessed it, MOM. She will know what he is after for Christmas and help you pick a gift off his list. That's the best approach.

You can tell her how much you do or don't have money wise. Odds are she will chip in or loan you cash to pay back to get him a gift you're proud of giving. That's the best thing to do. Your artwork is also something you could include as an original work created for him.


I am a 25 year old female and I visit my aunt every weekend but my cousin who is a 19 year old male just recently moved in with my aunt and he is constanty making rude remarks about me and putting me down verbally . I will explain how he does this .I got on tgr scale one day because I have been trying to lose weight for some time now . I am proud to say that I was 202 pounds in may of last year and yesterday I got on the scale and now I am 172 pounds so i lost 30 pounds since may of last year but my cousin was standing over me and said that there is know way that you could have lost all that weight that fast as much as you eat the scale has to be way off. He tagged me in a post on fb of a picture of a huge sandwich and it said who could eat this? When people take pictures of me with their phones he makes comments like you might not want to do that she will break your phone because she is so ugly . On Saturday we were both suppose to br watching my other cousin who I 23 but he has autism and my cousin who has autism mom bought him a 42 inch flat screen tv for Christmas so my cousin who was suppose to be helpiny me watch my cousin with autidm asked him if hr could watch tv but after 2 hours he wanted to watch a Barney movie and he told him he had to wait another hour and I told him he needed to let him watch his movie because it was his tv and he had it for 2 hours already snf told me he'd just have to be upset because he was in the middle of a show and he could watch iy after him so the cousin that I we were watching got in front of the tv to put in a movie and my 19 year old cousin told him to move because he was trying to watch tv . My cousin with autism wanted me to get his charger for his phone so I was to gey from next door and my 19 year old cousin daid je dosnt need it he can just be upset but I went and got it anyway . My 19 year old cousin also creeps me out he came into my room without while I was getting dressed . I just don't know what to do help. (link)
When it comes to bullies they usually have two common things driving what they do or how they go after their chosen target.

First of all, believe it or not they are jealous of something their victim has either accomplished, attributes, skills or in general has that they want for themselves.

The second factor that is always present is that due to home environment or other negative factors in their lives they choose a victim to project all of it onto. They want a reaction and you can't give it as hard as it is.

You definitely have the right to get dressed in private and he cannot violate that. You need to go to your mother and aunt at the same time and tell them that he's creepy and you saw him trying to look at you not dressed when you thought you were in private to do so. He needs disciplined there right away.

Point out to them the constant bullying and what he has said and have them confront him about it and try to make it better. If you involve adults to advocate for you no doubt you will see a shift in his behavior or him not bothering you because of consequences for doing so.

In the meantime and I never advocate violence if he tries looking again like you described before you can consult an adult be sure to yell at him and kick or punch at him which is your right to do so he gets this isn't being tolerated and you won't be victimized. It's an act of self-defense on your point.

You need to tell about that incident to adults because he may be pulling this on others or thinking he can. They can gauge what kind of problem and help he needs as I doubt this starts and ends with you. It's a disgusting pattern of behavior he has.


I think that I'm insecure , im a sophomore and I'm 14. I have a good amount of friends but I'm terribly shy and I only can be myself around my closest friends. I think when people try and talk to me or be friendly, I get an attitude and I push them away, idk why I do that . It's just a natural reaction . I want to make more friends with like the 11th graders , I want to be more friendly and just be able to just talk to people and be mire friendly. I'm scared to do something because I always think about what people would think of it in their eyes . (link)
Be who you are. The right people will be drawn to that. Stop worrying about what others think. In all likelihood they aren't thinking about you but rather themselves and their own insecurities.

If you want to become friends with someone just introduce yourself. I'm sure people would be open to getting to know you. I think it's in your best interest to join drama classes and student government as it will force you to learn to trust other people and them you.

I would also like you to get some counseling of some sort to work on why you push people away and what the root of your problem is and skills to overcome. Other than that you have to see yourself in the right light and go after what you want.


Hi there. I'm a 21 year old male. When I was younger in my middle teens, I always had a problem were when I would ejaculate not all of the sperm would come out some would get stuck somewhere in my urethra and I could either push along it with my hand and push chunks out or if I had to urinate I would and the chunks would come out with the urine and I would be OK. If I didn't get the pieces out it would cause a bad burning/stinging feeling in my urethra/penis for a decent amount of time kind of just like the same burn/sting of the feeling if you cut your circulation off to your finger. As I have gotten older now 21 it seems like the problem isn't there as bad I mean when I ejaculate some pieces still get stuck in it and I can push or pee them out but it doesn't burn like it used to. So what I'm asking is why is all my sperm not coming out freely and what causes the pain in it when it gets stuck inside? I read something about maybe having a narrow or small urethra and the acid in the sperm stuck in the urethra causing the burning? Please help! Thanks (link)
We aren't doctors. It's unusual and in your best interest to see your doctor and get referred to a urologist who specializes in this area. They will definitely have answers. It shouldn't be occurring.


I just don't know anymore. This girl, if you have read any of my other questions, is my everything. When we first met, I was dead inside, I thought no one could save me. But then she came along, she cured me. That's when it all started. Since then, we've gone out to different places, I know her like the back of my hand. A few months ago, she said she liked me, but she still wasn't sure. She had been leading me on, and I sort of knew it, but I still held on to those words for months. Then today, she told me another guy had asked her out, and she said yes. I knew then, I was crushed, dead again. Now I don't know what to do with myself. Please help... (link)
First things first you may not realize it but it is YOU that has done all the positive work and changing on your own. All she did was ignite a spark of inspiration and was a friend. You did all the heavy lifting when it came to fixing things in your life.

Yes, you wanted to date her. I don't think she led you on here. I think she knew she has something special with you but not maybe not love. I wouldn't throw away her friendship for anything. Nothing changes there even if she's dating someone. It may hurt but you never know they may not work and perhaps as she knows you more maybe something could happen. For now take her friendship and support. You need that.

But you MUST see one thing she's not everything. Your whole world is about to open up if you continue working the way you have on yourself and on your own. I think you should see a psychiatrist. You aren't crazy but everything points toward you being depressed if feeling empty. If you can't function period that's something that is an emergency and should see an ER on call psychiatrist.

If you get medication and counseling it could make your life 100% better and I'm sure that's what this person and people in your life would ultimately want for you. Look into it and stop worrying about her and let life figure it out which it will. If someone is destined to be in your life it has an uncanny ability to unfold well. Besides, it's better she's a friend than nothing at all right now


hey , i know this question is weird , but i kinda get confused when someone asks me that question , ok so i'm from USA , i'm a White guy not so white but with a little tiny tan like 2% my parents are Egyptian and my grandparents are Turkish but im born in USA 0.0. (link)
An educated guess would be Caucasian with Egyptian and Turkish heritage. The best idea is to say to your parents that you know you are white and of you being half Eygptian and Turkish and get them to define what ethnicity that you identify with. They would certainly know the answer to your question better than anyone else.


what is mastabiting (link)
Wikipedia has an article on this subject that will answer your question and any concerns you have about it. The link does contain medical diagrams images etc but should be alright to post here. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Masturbation


I am feeling somewhat depressed and down. I have been told that drinking a beer or two can help you feel better and more relaxed . Is this true? (link)
Get professional assistance and therapy with combating your depression. If you feel at any time you can't even function than visit an ER as it's an emergency situation.

Little Scorpion is right that alcohol is a depressant and will make the feelings you have ten times worse. In fact, drinking any type of booze is bad news on anti-depressants depending on which ones because of how it interacts. It can be dangerous to mix booze with drugs psychiatrists may prescribe.

My own doctor told me this long ago. I never drank anyways. And this is an excuse not to especially if alcohol is a problem where you are trying to numb depressed feelings by using it. It just magnifies everything gives you a new problem on top of the other one and makes it way worse like a hurricane in some cases.


Hello Advicenators: I have a 590 credit rating and am 58 years old. I recently decided to pay off legitimate old debt and clean up my credit report via disputing items as needed. Can I dispute items on my credit report by myself via some website? The agencies out there seem to charge high fees. Thanks, Dzadzy (link)
http://www.consumer.ftc.gov/articles/0151-disputing-errors-credit-reports

You would be wise to get a lawyer or financial expert that knows exactly what they are doing to assist you in this with disputing as well as cleaning up your record.

I had a prof. once that was a lawyer and asked about credit problems. They told me that collection agencies are allowed to harass you with certain rules about how for 2 years by phone or letter only. Once that has passed they can't unless the creditor sells your file to someone else. They won't. Never tell a collections agency you will pay a debt no matter how old. This allows them to start the 2 year process on you all over again.


Hello Advicenators: I shop and spend a lot of Money at Menard's. It is a big box home improvement store. It is or was my favorite store. They have more of my monthly income than a food store. I try to keep busy and have many projects to keep my mind busy, so to speak. I am on Social Security Disability. I am 58 years old and on a fixed income. About a month ago (since that is the day I last visited) I was at Menard's at 6:30 when they opened. The floor scrubber guy was following me around and came within inches of hitting me. I have a psychiatric condition due to my disability. I have not been back to Menard's since for fear. I contacted the manager. He sent me two dog toys and apologized. I just feel terrible. This store really has me scared. Do I have any legal recourse here for some sort of compensation? Respectfully, Dzadzy (link)
No. The store owes you nothing financially. I'm not a legal expert but I'm sure a lawyer would tell you that this would never fly.

Why would you want to sue them when the management upon hearing of your condition tried to make things better? Yes they sent dog toys but it's something to indicate concern.

You need to sit down with your psychiatrist and go over why you are anxious to enter that particular store and go over the irrational fears in your head and learn strategies so you can go back in and see that the store is of no threat to you. You're not at that point yet but can be. You simply have to go back inside or this will have defeated you. If it's not this store now it may be somewhere else if not dealt with.

Another thing may be to meet store staff if possible and relate that you like shopping there but as someone with X,Y,Z that there's something about their store in particular that sets off anxiety in you. Perhaps, if you talk to the management maybe they'll see other people can be affected and work at making it easier to shop there.

Mention the floor scrubber. The other thing is go to Menards later in the day when people aren't likely to crowd the place. You went at 6:30 a.m. Wait a few hours the floor crew won't be present. You could also visit a different location. But yes, your psychiatrist ought to know about this.

As far as a fixed income goes this may be an opportunity to research other stores and how much things cost at Wal-Mart, Targer etc. etc. and shop at different places and how to stretch what you have better so Menards isn't the only place you're going to.


So my friend, (lets call him C) is not a best friend but a good one, and I want him to come over to dinner tonight at my house. I don't have a crush on him or anything, but yeah.And when I invite him over I don't want it to sound weird or anything like i'm asking him out--we are only in elementary school.
Help me please. (link)
Just invite him over for dinner. Leave it at that. You don't have to explain anything else to him. There's nothing weird about the invite. You can't control how he will perceive the invite but most would think of it as a friend who invited them somewhere.

I wouldn't worry about that unless he asked which he won't flat out why you invited him. Go ahead with the invite and enjoy him coming over.


Me and my fwb have been seeing each other for 5 months now and things are pretty good between us. Lately he's been asking what I feel about us being in a relationship. He's asked a few times and each time I say I want to be but then he won't say what he wants or how he feels. There has also been a few times when he says maybe we'll be serious or be official but he won't say for sure. I'm not sure why he keeps bringing it up if he won't really do anything about it or is he waiting for me to say something? But I've already told him yes more than once so I'm not sure what to do. What do you think? (link)
Tell him that he must tell you how he feels about this issue or stop talking about it. You have told him how you feel. Why is he not so sure? It's unfair to drag this out for 5 months. He needs to tell you how he feels or not raise the issue again.


Hi, I'm 15 and started taking dance lessons a year ago as a school activity. I'm often told I'm good at it and I'm one of the most flexible in the class, but the teacher often gives me very basic and background parts if any at all, usually as I'm short and inexperienced. i get seriously frustrated when even the very bad dancers get more challenging parts. Most of the girls in my grade are the stereotypical "princesses" and make the rest of us have really cruddy parts or skip performances whenever they got the chance. They'd bully or have their parents intimidate the seniors into singling out and scolding anyone that doesn't agree with them in front of everyone, which happened to me.
Can anyone give some advice on how to deal with the drama? or how to improve on skills like balance or do things like turns etc.? sorry about the length, i really need help. Thanks for reading, i really appreciate it (link)
Voices in people's heads scream loudest to quit when they are just about to have a lot of success.

My advice is to screw politics or what everyone else is doing and how their parents act. Maintain focus on your parts no matter how cruddy or small you think they are. Dance your heart out and act grateful.

Instructors will eventually see it and perhaps let you tackle more. Show the instructor you care more than those who constantly skip rehearsals.

Worry only about what you are doing and not about what others are doing. You don't have to like these people but you'll get on better in classes if you find one thing you admire or like about each of them and focus on this.

This may ease tension and cause them to like you. If they see you can't be bothered by what they are doing than they will cease.

I'm not a dancer but constant practice to nail something hard is definitely where I would start. Perhaps dancers on the site will have more insight. I would also ask the instructor and say you want to improve turns and balance and get ideas. They will help you.

Also, the teacher may have you do what seems to be basic parts but the reason could be to fix certain things about your technique before giving you a challenging role that you can handle. If you want challenging roles you have to go out there dance your butt off and wait because hard work is rewarded eventually.




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