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I aim to give you solid advice on your problems. I don't sugarcoat things and I'm always straight up. Don't come asking for what you want to hear as I always give the truth even if you don't want it because it's what you need and the only way to grow.
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Last Update: December 20, 2014
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F/18
I am currently taking some martial arts classes with one of my best Friends. Usually I don't pay attention to how a person looks or even think about things like having a boyfriend. There are times however where I might find someone attractive. That happens with one of the boys in my classes. I'm usually very shy and not straight forward with guys I like, therefore I barely talk to him. I talked to him once where both I and my bestie talked to him. The next time I saw him, when my best friend and I came in, he went straight to say hello to my best friend, didn't even acknowledge me. I already have a lot of self-esteem problems, so that was the cherry on top of my iceberg. I felt so depressed afterwards it was sad really. Then in the last class I never talked to him but neither did my best friend because some blonde was talking to him - that's what my bff said. He doesn't seem like the womanizer or disrespectful type, which is one of the things I find attractive about him. My problem is that I don't know if I should try to... you know, get him to notice me as more tan a friend. If so... what the hell do I do, because I am totally clueless as to what a guy could find attractive in me. (Just in case, I'm pretty plain; dark long hair, dark eyes, skinny figure, fair skin... see?) (link)
You need to stop viewing yourself through a dirty mirror. Until you do that you will never be happy or see the true beauty that has been there the whole time. There's nothing plain about you. You're interesting and I'm sure you're fine psychically.

The only difference between you and your friend is how you feel about yourself. That's it. If you work with a counselor on this and build your self-image up you will do fine. You don't have anything less to give than anyone else to this guy. You may have even better qualities.

If you like him try talking to him about the one thing you have in common: martial arts. Ask him about how long he has been training, what you are studying etc. Ask him if he'd like another friend because you thought that he seemed like a nice guy.

See how he responds to that. You could go one step further and throw a mixer by going bowling etc and gauge if he has any interest in you from that. A guy that likes you will want to go and one that doesn't will come up with a variety of reasons not to. Don't fret it's him and not you.
You have no reason at all not to try.

There's a lot guys will find attractive in you and qualities you possess. Just think really hard and honestly about all your good points. People are attracted to that. They're also attracted to people who just be themselves and not care about anything else. You need to get to that place.

He may not have approached you and other guys may not have because they see you projecting an image of not being confident in yourself or too shy or not bothering with them.

As far as talking to any guy you'll succeed when you talk to them as you would any friend, family member etc, teacher, adult etc. etc. because conversing with them is exactly the same and should be natural not forced. Just talk to him and let things flow. You're too busy trying to make things unfold for yourself rather than letting it all come.


I signed up for a film analysis class because I thought it would be fun and it sounded interesting. I have already missed the first class because I signed up late and I have missed out on so much work. I read through the syllabus and it is a lore more intense than I imagined. There is about 100 pages of reading to do before each class and the professor seems very strict. And most of the people taking it are cinematography majors, which I am not. Unfortunately it is after the add/drop term, so I cannot just easily drop it. What should I do??? Stick with it, or withdrawal? (link)
Stick with it. You haven't even tried to give it a chance. The reading may be a challenge but it's not as though it can't be done.

You'll learn a lot about film and about yourself for staying with something that may look hard at first. No doubt the others feel it's daunting as well whether they are cinematography majors or not.

If I were you I would talk to some of the other students in the class and get a tutor from it or a study group going as that may help you grasp the material easier.

Also, if you have 100 pages to read try scanning and highlighting only that which you think is most important and make notes, tabs, post-its to help you remember the facts first. Then Pace yourself over the course of a few days to read the pages and make sure nothing was missed. You can do this. Don't fear failure.


I've known my best friend for nearly a year. We recently took a 3 week break due to arguments.
Well, we started talking again and... I feel like I may be better off without her. I'm homeschooled so she's my only friend (Literally my ONLY friend). But she's just kind of mean. She thinks it's funny to insult people and she gets into a lot of fights and stuff. She's always been there for me, but would I be better off without her in my life? I would have no friends though.. I have social anxiety, so it's difficult to socialize. (link)
Perhaps she has some kind of learning or other problem where empathy for others isn't apparent or where she can't see that insulting others for amusement isn't right.

You should tell her that one of the reasons you fight is that she does this perhaps without thinking and can be mean sometimes without even trying. It may be doing her a HUGE favor to learn this as no doubt she's pissed a lot of people off before without seeing it.

You have to figure out whether it's your gut instinct kicking in that she's not worth it or just something that you thought about because she hurt you and will fade. If it won't fade than maybe you are right and that's okay.

The whole issue about friends is a tough one. If you talk to a doctor about your anxiety disorder mention this unhealthy friendship and not wanting to ditch someone for fear of being alone. They may have tips and be able to introduce you to youth dealing with the same problem who could be friends.

Also, you never mentioned why you home-school. At this point in your life perhaps entering a regular school would be good for you and lead to friends especially if teachers know what you struggle with and students as well. The potential to meet good people there is great. You would have to work hard with a doctor on dealing with anxiety though. Something to talk to your family about--all of this about the friend.


Hi, I am a fifteen year old girl. I have sung ever since I can remember. I have sung in church, school, talent shows, and festivals. I live in a considerably small town, after all, it is the folk capital of the world. I just love the feeling of singing on stage, and I know it's going to be hard work, but I want to do that for the rest of my life. How can I get "noticed" in a small town? Any suggestions? (link)
By keeping up what you are doing now and being the best you can possibly be as a singer, dancer, actress. People will find you. The reality is that NOT everyone gets discovered.

Secondly, it's NOT about becoming famous that matters. This is about loving what you do and sharing your gift in whatever arena large or small you can and loving what you are doing.

Fame is a by-product of this that happens when you are the best at what you do and a have a name for yourself.

If you live near a large city you can go on ACTRA (for Canada) or SAG'S web site for the U.S. They are the actor's union in each of those country and more or less a watchdog and an actor's protection on set.

What they have on the sites is a list of reputable agents. Find a couple that represent kids/teens. They can get you print work, commercials, TV etc if they think you're worth representing.

Don't sign with anyone who is NOT on the list. There's a damn good reason why they aren't. This means you avoid potential scammers and other bad people in the industry.

While at that site look for a listing of reputable "Background Agents" These people will book you for crowd scenes on whatever TV, film may be on location in your city. This will give you a real taste of what goes on when making a movie and show you what an intense environment it is and 18 hour shoots sometimes. Again don't sign with anyone NOT on the list of agents.

Classic scams while I here: Never sign with anyone who wants an upfront fee to represent you. They should only make money from commissions when you get hired for a job. Do NOT pay for a portfolio of pictures ever.

You don't need it. Casting directors only need an 8*10 that is easily laser copied and submitted by your agent. Next run screaming from anyone who wants an upfront fee for representation and to put your name and picture into an internet page that casting directors will hire you from. It's BS. Casting directors do not cast anyone that way.

The only exception to the money issue and this is important is when you have an agent who represents only Kids and Teens or an agent who represents "Background Talent" only.

Because kids, teens, their parents and most people who are extras bail when they see this is work said agent can charge $100 a year per rules with the unions to protect their livelihoods.

Hopefully, this will help you. Keep plugging away at youth theater, competitions and wherever you can be seen and have fun with it first and foremost. If things pan out and you become known great but if not.. As long as you love it and do it well someone will notice and appreciate you on some level.


21/f, 27/m

I'm seeing a guy that has been asking questions that somewhat concerns me. I'm not sure if he's just being curious or that he feels this comfortable to talk to me in this way and ask me these questions.

Let me first say that I'm Asian and he's Caucasian. I will say that I'm pretty conservative and I feel like respect, loyalty, and honesty is very important to me.

Yesterday, maybe he was just saying it but he would point out that a girl is hot or say stuff like, "GILF" or "MILF" to me. I feel awkward whenever he says that because I never point out things like that. He'd mention that he thinks I'm pretty and he'd compliment me but it makes me feel uncomfortable when he says things like that. I know that guys will always look at girls but to tell the person you're dating? I'm not sure if that's something that needs to be heard.

Another thing he asked me yesterday, he said, "why do Asian girls like white guys? There's so many of them that like them." And I got a little confused because most my Asian girl friends have Asian boyfriends. I told him, "I haven't ran into a lot of them. I think if Asian guys were more outgoing and less predictable, they'd probably be able to keep their Asian woman? I'm not sure." And he said, "Huh, I see so many that like white guys."

Those are just examples of what he has said and mentioned. He has obviously said more that has caught my attention (not in a good way).

Is he trying to say something? Or is he just that comfortable to ask and say things like that? He says that he's curious but I feel like there may be more to what he is saying. (link)
You have raised a very good point and in a way answered your own question without thinking about it.

The key words here are "I'm uncomfortable" Any time your gut screams that to you it's not good. If he keeps saying things that make your uncomfortable, are vulgar or make you feel icky or weird than the issue is with him for sure.

Maybe he's clueless and has a problem with this stuff and doesn't know he shouldn't be saying it. Even if that's true he still needs someone to correct him about it and you don't have to put up with it a second longer.

I would speak to him and say "I'm really having second thoughts about us dating. You have made me extremely uncomfortable with X,Y,Z either this ends now or this is done."

It's one thing to be curious about certain things but when you're being creepy, vulgar, perverted even and making someone ultra uncomfortable there's a problem.

I think you know by now that he's not someone you should be with as the discomfort you are in now would appear to increase as this seems to be a part of his character and not something you can change especially if he can't see the issue.


I'm a 16 year old girl.

A few days ago, my friend gave my number to a guy who lives a couple towns away from us. He started texting me, saying he was bored and all. We chatted for a couple days and he wanted to know what I looked like (he doesn't have a facebook) so I sent him some of the pictures I have up on facebook. He sent one back. Later, he said the email had been deleted and he asked for more pictures. I sent him a couple more (we had been flirting) and one of them was slightly scandalous. I was in a t-shirt and underwear, but you couldn't see anything terrible and it was basically innocent.
A couple days later, my friend tells me that someone had "nudes" of me. Of course, I was flustered. I didn't send the guy anything bad, but it still makes me nervous that he's spreading rumors. I texted him asking why he was such an asshole about the situation, and he got extremely defensive and just called me a whore.
I want to take some sort of action about this whole thing. I've been trying to track down his mom to email her or something but I can't find her. What should I do? This is extremely upsetting to me. (link)
Tell your parents everything that has happened as you wrote it here. You will not be in trouble. Let them know who gave this person your number. Tell your folks you thought pictures were a normal request until you learned of what someone told you.

They will know how to deal with it and should bring the matter forth to school administration. It needs to be because who knows who else this is happening to that hasn't stepped forward.

I would get all your texts printed out and NOT contact this person further or send off any e-mail to anyone about it. Let adults deal with this for you as they are most equipped and know the law and what is illegal etc.

Even though you aren't sure if it's the guy who is doing this or your so-called friend who gave him the number they both need to be brought up to adults and you should steer clear of whomever it was because they're bad news.

The transmitting via e-mail, text or any method of any kind of picture of someone underage in a state of undressed is illegal and the people who are sending/receiving such material knowingly will definitely be charged for it.

Like I said, tell your family and get adults you trust involved to take proper action for you. You have every right to be upset and to feel violated here but you must come forward with the truth of what is happening to get action and stop these people from doing this to others.

There is a remote chance that this guy is caught up in it and your so-called friend is behind all of this but as you cannot be sure both of them need to be mentioned and brought to the attention of adults.


Yea but a couple people are telling me to tell him and others are telling me not to because he told someone his girlfriend was the best girlfriend he's had. So idk what to do. Were bestfriends I tell him everything except this (link)
You need to edit this question to tell us what it's about and in response to. It's hard to know what you are referencing here with thousands of questions coming in. Once we have that info you'll no doubt find answers to it.


First of all, if you get offended when someone doesn't believe in god just stop reading now, not because I'll bash your religion (I would never do that) but because I don't want to press my religion onto you. I'm only a 14 year old girl, so I know that a lot of you will tell me that I'm too old to pick my religion and that I should just do what I'm told, right? Please just hear me out. It could be due to the fact that God was never pressed on me because I only went to church long enough to get first holy communion or it could be due to the fact that I'm creative and like to test the boundaries and question things, but I don't believe in God or religion. I'm bisexual and I've only told a few people because my parents would say I'm going to hell (they're very, very catholic) and I really don't find it logical that there's an invisible man in the sky who created the world and will send you to the fiery underworld if you break his rules but that he loves you. I want to be a scientist, and science and religion clash no matter what way you put it, and there's just so much more evidence contributing to the Big Bang and natural selection and things like that. And it sounds to me like the bible was written by a bunch of homophobic, violent, sexist, sexually frustrated men. I just don't believe it, but I would be shunned if I ever said anything bad about god so I can't tell my parents. I worry about what happens after death though. I kinda believe that there might be some sort of god, but not a magical person, just somewhere we go after death. Do I sound like I'll stay atheist or don you think that this is just a phase? Am I making the right choice for when I'm older and my religion might matter as far as my family life goes? (link)
The bible is around 2,000 years-old give or take with my math but you'll still see my point. It has been translated into a multitude of languages and the stories in it from person to person until written down and interpreted in a multitude of ways.

What I'm saying is a lot of these people your parents included may call themselves Christians but sure don't act like it. They're no closer to God than anybody else. In fact, perhaps removed far from it.

Anybody who says you're going to go to hell or a fiery underworld for not believing their version of the bible is well, wrong and daft. But you can't convince a zealot of that. People can believe what they would like when it comes to religion unless they are hurting other people or forcing their belief on others.

You can't change nor choose your sexuality and if they judged on that it's on them and not you. Be who you are no matter what your sexuality or you'll be miserable.

When it comes to the Bible and Genesis for that matter there are two accounts. In one God looked at everything and creation as good and creation reflecting him. The second account is of Adam and Eve and disaster and man as mortal and all the fiery stuff you mentioned. But which interpretation is right? There's also a verse about the kingdom of heaven being here and now.

I'm just driving home it's all in interpretation and that if there's a God and he's loving than... Same thing with death. Your beliefs aren't going to land you in hell.

The thing is people use this kind of thing to control people who don't accept their ideology. I wouldn't worry about it. Just be concerned with being a good person no matter what you believe. You're closer if there is a God to the fact that he's not a magical entity that will either sanctify or roast you based on adherence to any belief system others force on people.


Everyone is saying my bestfriend likes me because of the way he acts and the way he talks to me were really close and I chilled with him all weekend this weekend and actually slept in the same bed with him twice and Saturday morning after a party he tells me he was about to kiss me the night before...BUT! He was talking to a girl then and on Labor Day he asked her out.. So does he like me? Or not? (link)
Tell him that you are really confused. Ask him why did you ask so-and-so out when last night you were trying to kiss me?

Find out where things stand and then you can tell him how you had been feeling. If you are best-friends there's no way that being truthful even if you don't wind up together will mess up that friendship.


My friend and i were just at the pool hanging out and these boys came up to us and started talking to us. We thought they were nice...but we thought wrong. They took us to the shallow end and started jumping on us and then they started touching us... IN THOSE PLACES!! We tried all we could to get away from them but we couldn't get away. Then they started doing that with us. we felt their you-know-whats on our frontal privates and our back privates. so basically what I'm trying to say is that they ra*** us. when they finally stopped, we got out of the pool and started crying. I need something to keep my mind off of wanting to beat the living hell out of all of them but nothing is working. Usually music and dancing is what gets my mind off of things, but not this time. Can you give me any songs or anything to do to not want to beat the living hell out of them and am able to go to the pool without remembering what happened? (link)
It sounds as though you know exactly who the boys are and where adults can find them. That's a good thing.

What you need to do is tell your parents exactly what you said here about them grabbing you inappropriately, pressing themselves against you etc. etc. and that you and the other girls told them NO.

Your parents will know that this is sexual assault and will know exactly what needs to be done about reporting it to people in law enforcement so that these guys can't go on doing it to other girls and women. You need to speak up and speak out on this.

You also NEED support from adults to know that you yourself and the other girls did nothing wrong and to deal with this. They should get you counseling and someone to talk to about this and to empower you. The music etc. helps but you really need this on top.

I would talk to your parents about loving swimming and wanting to enjoy that pool like anyone else but are scared to go back and to run into these people again or trigger a very bad memory. They will know how to proceed.

This is one of those icky situations that you don't keep to yourself. You need to tell your family or these idiots will keep getting away with it and you won't get the help you need from adults who can deal with them head on.


I'm a 14 year old girl and I have terrible social anxiety. For example, last week a store clerk tried to make small talk with me while I was checking something out and my face went red and I just kinda laughed at his friendly little jokes I a way that sounded more like wheezing and after paying I almost ran out of there without my change and he probably thought that I was mental! I can't give presentations in class or anything and to top it all off I start at a new school tomorrow so I'll have to make new friends (not like I've ever had more than one or two friends but I tend not to talk to my friends anyway). The thing is, I'm a good actor and a decent signer so I want to joi the drama club at my new school but I almost have a panic attack just thinking about talking to people and getting g on a stage in front of them. How do I help myself? (link)
If he thought you were "mental" that would be his problem and NOT yours. You aren't. People with mental health issues are not to be scorned.

They are illnesses just like Cancer, AIDS diabetes and need to be seen by society as such. Just because they deal with the brain people have stigma about them because they don't know better.

YOUR QUESTION: You really should see your family doctor at your first opportunity. Your issue is a medical one and with anxiety that is stopping you in your tracks and affecting your ability to function normally.

Have you had a panic attack? If you have or feel as though you are on the brink of them tell your doctor. They will be able to prescribe medication that could help you and diagnose further the problem and find the right treatment.

That's what I would do. They may refer you to a psychiatrist (you're not crazy) as they deal with severe anxiety disorders if in fact you have one. But do look into this. No need to suffer with it. Talk to your parents about how you are doing. Show them this question.


So over a month ago, me and my best friend has a pointless argument. We both said some pretty hurtful words. She said she would never talk to me again. I thought she didn't mean it because she always eventually talked to me but.. I haven't heard of her since the end of July.

I miss her so much. I don't go to her school, she changed her number, I don't know her address.. I just miss her so much and there's literally nothing I can do. What should I do? What CAN I do? (link)
Does she use e-mail or social media? That may be your best bet or going through a mutual friend if there is one to get a card or note delivered to her. Do any of her family go to school with you or have a connection?

The problem is you need to understand that whatever you were arguing over wasn't trivial to her and that there was something big in her perception at least to warrant never talking to you again.

Explain in your note that you understand that now and that a lot of time and changes have happened with you both. Tell her that you would like to discuss things with her again in hope that your friendship will one day be restored and that you miss her.

After that it's really up to her to come around. I would have to tell you that if she doesn't after you being friends for years from the sounds of your question that the issue is with her not you. If she throws it away even with an apology and olive branch extended than the friendship really wasn't stable to begin with. Ultimately, after apologizing it's on her to make a choice to hear you out or not. I wouldn't worry if you tried everything. I don't know the crux of the argument you had but most people assess things and work them out. It looks like she's incredibly sensitive if it was just a run of the mill fight most people have.


I'm a 14 almost 15 year old girl and I feel like I masturbate way to often. I masturbate about once a day but sometimes I do it 2-3 times a day depending on how I'm feeling. It doesn't get in the way of my schedule or anything because I do it in my bed at night. Is this to often? I feel like no one else masturbates, so that just makes me feel worse. (link)
You have received a lot of solid responses to your question. I won't rehash what is contained them. I felt I should address the "I feel I'm the only one who does this and nobody else does."

You aren't. In fact, the majority of your peers are doing but aren't talking about it or will admitting to it to peers. Chalk it up to stigma. This is true of both males and females your age. It's pretty much a universal thing at this stage of life that most are doing.

Frequency doesn't matter. As long as you have a life apart from it you're fine and you've indicated that's the case.

There's all kind of statistics out there about percentage of males and females who engage in it versus those who don't.

Males are considered to do it more. They are pretty much aware from day one of their genitals and must touch to urinate. Female genitals are more hidden and internal.

One article I read suggested what I mentioned plus the fact females tend to be more discreet about talking about these things. It may skew the percentage one way or another. At either rate most males and females will engage in this activity and some point. Your peers no doubt are doing it so I wouldn't feel in the least bit ashamed or embarrassed over it. As long as you feel comfortable with it you're normal.


I am a 23 year old female and I am wondering if anyone has ever felt this way, or even what I can do in the situation that I am going through.

Since October of 2013 I have been unable to hold down a job. I hold a strong value on being successful, and this is an area where I am experiencing a great deal of turmoil.

As much as I love my boyfriend knowing that he is being told that he has done so well on his internships makes me kind of jealous. It is not that I do not want him to do well, but I am so used to being the successful one in the relationship. This time the tables have turned.

Over the summer I worked two jobs and they both let me go. Before offering me the first job, the officer manager had explained to me that she did not know how long it would last. Sure enough, it only lasted me two days even though I was doing such a fabulous job and they told me that they would put my resume on hold. Ironically when I saw a job advertised in the paper by another company located in the same office, I was not even considered for the position.

I was terminated from my last job last week after three weeks of working there. The week before my supervisor had said that the team leader said that I was doing a good job, but that she (my supervisor) sensed tension between me and one of her other employees which I assured her of that there wasn't.

A week later I was fired, because I wasn't a good fit for the position apparently. Although when I asked the HR manager exactly what I had done wrong, she kept on repeating that same phrase over and over again. My analysis is that they decided that our personalities clashed too much. Another theory that I have is that they really didn't like that I had to ask to come in half an hour later than they had originally scheduled me for, and that I could no longer work there full time.

In between these two opportunities I kept on going for job interviews. Most of the hiring managers seemed to be interested in me as a candidate, and really liked me but for whatever reason they chose not to hire me.

The only thing that I am sure of is that I am a good student and that my boyfriend (maybe also his mother too, but I feel like she and his aunt both know that the two of us will get married one day), my cat, and my best friend really love me, to the point where I believe that they have too much confidence in me.

All that I want is to graduate from college, find a stable job, my own place and to marry my boyfriend. Not being able to maintain a steady job terrifies me because I am so worried about the prospect of finding a job after college. Has anyone else been in the place that I am currently in? (link)
The real problem is your sense of self. In all honesty from reading your letter I see someone who has self-esteem that is in the sewer--and it shouldn't be!

What I would like you to do is to put finding a job on the back-burner for a bit. Do some work on yourself first.

You have to be able to sell yourself to yourself first before anyone else will buy into you be it employers or anybody in general. You should find yourself a professional therapist or even psychiatrist. You don't need to be crazy to see one. That's a stigma) Have them figure out your true identity and build a strong self image.

It sounds also that you could be depressed because you feel nobody "gets" you and that only your boyfriend, the cat and 2-3 others love you. If you have love for yourself and confidence in yourself so too will others.

When it comes to a job ask yourself "what am I better at than anyone else?" See if you can take that talent and find a job or career based in it. You may have had two bad starts but it's common. You want a job that fits you.

Next, if you aren't confident or going overboard to please or appear to be wrapped up in yourself people will see something is off and misread it like those who fired you.

Ask the therapist to find you a life coach or someone who can show you what it is that isn't getting you hired or worse yet is getting you fired and correct it. In fact, psychiatrists often have (from experience) have connections to employers who will take you on if you haven't found a job any other way.

Finally, it's not a job that defines you. Yes, you need to eat. It will happen. Don't push as often what you push for isn't the right gig. I know you will do well, marry etc, go to college and excel but you have to start with building yourself to be stronger. People will gravitate toward you if you believe in yourself. Right now you aren't doing that.


I have been sleeping with this guy for almost 2 years but hes never fingered me or ate me out. How Doi get him to? I give him hj and bj and just want him to return the favor. We werr about to have sex one time and I told him "wait I'm not wet enough" and he says "cant you make yourself"? Who says that. .I understand this is unhealthy and I deserve better and blah blah but u just want him to want me like I want him. He hardly even kisses me Anymore. 20 F (link)
I'm not sure it's him being selfish. It may be that he doesn't know what he's doing or hasn't confidence in his ability to meet your needs. It would appear that you have more knowledge and experience than him.

If so that's your problem based on the quote above he's not aware of how the female body responds and what you as an individual need.

You need to speak to him openly and honestly about how you are feeling, intimacy, what you desire from him and work together. Let him know what a kiss means to you. Tell him you need to know he's in to you the way you are in to him or there's no real point to a relationship.


i have been single for almost two years not literally single but i haven't had any serious relationship, its either the guy likes me and i don't or i like him and his not ready, or he has a girlfriend... so i would call it two years of being single since my last relationship i work in a company were i was introduced to a guy. His exactly what i want in a guy. he acts really nice to me, for example when i needed a flash to get movies and i asked his colleague who had offered to give me a flash earlier and didn't latter, he offered his own without my asking, and told me that i could use it for as long as i like, whenever he comes to work he smiles at me and sometimes i catch him staring... i like this guy, but i don't know if he feels the same way, his currently out of the country and would be back next week, i recently found out that he is single.How do i initiate something that would lead to what i want, without seeming desperate. we not so much of friends, neither do we talk frequently and his a very busy person. (link)
He likes you as much as you like him. I would put all my poker chips on it. I have a feeling that he's just as interested and as shy and cautious as you are.

He already considers you a friend. That much is so with the smiling, loan of flash drive and going out of his way to be kind to you. That may just be his nature but usually more to it. If you have caught him starring that's a dead giveaway. He wouldn't do it if not interested.

What's a gal to do? I wouldn't stick your neck out there too much. I would put together a small gathering of friends be it at your house, bowling, movie whichever. Ask him to come. If he's interested he'll move mountains to attend. If he's not in to you watch for a bogus excuse.

Once there focus on him and if it goes well ask him if he would like to see a movie sometime in the next week. All he can do is say no and then you know for sure. All signs point to something positive happening.

If you are bold you can just ask him for coffee after work and see if you hit off. You need to know for piece of mind where you both stand or it will drive you nuts. Just make sure he's not the type (doesn't look like it) to cause an issue in the office working with you if he's not in to you. Doubt it's an issue based on what you have written.


I'm 20 and I broke up with my first love a year ago. I loved him with every fibre in my being and did literally everything for him, even if it went against my morals. I spent all the money I had on getting him expensive gifts and I stuck with him, even when he couldn't care less about me. When we broke up because of the fact that he didn't wanna deal with commitment, at this stage in his life, he wasn't upset, not even for a day. It's been over a year and I've been the only one carrying all this pain and I've been holding so much hope that we could get back together, someday. We still see each other and he kisses me and that's what gave me hope that he still likes me. But last night, he told me that he'd never even think of marrying someone like me and that he needs a submissive kind of girl who doesn't pick up on the wrong things he does, like I did.I always picked up on all his lies and everything he hid from me. It hit me all at once, last night that he's been using me this past year and using my vulnerability. I cried in front of him for two hours straight and he kept saying the same things like "You're not my first love so I can't hold that much love for you" and "I told you I didn't want a relationship" "My first made me lose all my emotions" . I don't know why I'm so attached to him or why I'm even this devastated over a jerk like him. I just need someone to talk some sense into me. I worry, that I'll never be good enough for someone. What else can I do for someone to make them appreciate me? I allowed him to cross so many limits of mine and went above and beyond for him, and I get this, in return. How will I expect the next guy in my life to appreciate what I'll do for him and not break my heart again? (link)
Excuse my language and being blunt but the guy's an asshole and you're better off. You don't see it right now but trust me on that.

You tried to keep this thing going but he's taken advantage of the gifts and made you feel unwanted for a long time. Let him find his submissive type--good riddance!

What you really need is a professional therapist to work on yourself and who you are and show you why you select and love people like this. Learn how to move on with this person's help. You will discover your self-worth and eventually figure out how not to settle or be sucked into a relationship with people who don't have the right qualities. Until then don't start a relationship with someone new.





My friend asked me to go to field hockey tryouts with her. Well I figured I needed some Excercise because I've been really unfit lately. But these last three days have been a workout. And today I realized that I'll have to run a mile almost every day and I might get scared playing for a real game. Then they volunteered me to do goalie, well I didn't know that I had to wear a hot black suit. I also realized that with being goalie I will stand out an I really don't like to stand out, and I'm kinda girly(no prissy but I like to look good). And I am SOOOO SORE! I just want to know what I should do, my dad already brought alot of stuff. I also really don't want to play goalie but I already told the coach that I liked it but I don't like it THAT much. I just don't know the only perk of being goalie is not running the mile. CAN ANYONE PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (link)
You won't like what I have to say but it's what you NEED to do. There's no other choice. STICK WITH IT NO MATTER WHAT!

You will learn a lot about yourself and what you are made of doing this. You will achieve a lot more than you think. Nothing worth attaining comes without effort.

Sure, the workout and game may be kicking your ass now but in a few weeks it will be old hat and the weight you want to lose will start falling off.

They've cast against type by making you the goalie. Obviously, someone knows in the future that you will be able to be an effective one if you stick in there and keep trying. All of this is good for developing into the person you want to be.

If you bail you'll be running away just because of fear and discomfort at first. You will also be letting down your coach, your father, yourself and teammates who have been counting on you.

Believe me half of them probably are as scared as you of challenging themselves or their position on the team. But they've opted to stick in and so should you. Even pro athletes aren't always comfortable but it's their focus and sticking with something that make them who they are.

As far as standing out goes no hockey player or athlete looks like they are ready for the prom. People won't be bothered about what you look like behind the mask. They'll only care about you being able to play a decent game and block shots.

That's the other thing being forced to lead and to standout when you have too is an essential life skill that you need to master. This will teach you that. So, sore or not, discouraged it's all part of this but you must keep going. The lessons it will teach you are invaluable.



Ok so I have became and extremely needy girl towards the guy I love we have only been a thing for like 4 months in the beginning everything was good then i took things way too serious i text him all the time and always ask him if we can hang out... he knows he has me whenever he wants so he takes advantage of it..if i back off and stop texting him and let him make the moves will this keep him more intersted? (link)
I can't tell you and nobody can if he will still be interested in you or not. I do know that a real turn off for most people is someone who never lets them alone. Too many texts, calls and invites gives the impression of a pest. Needy if you will. Overly so.

You need to lay off of him. Let him come to you if he's interested. That's the right way. If he isn't you can then move on. He needs a chance to breathe and to figure out what he wants. I can pretty much guarantee it won't be you if you keep up what you have been doing.


Hi. Ok so this question will have a lot of TMI so just be prepared. Ok so about 2 months ago my periods starting going whacko. It came a week early and then it has been every 2 weeks since. This is by no means normal for me. I started my period way early. I had just turned 10 which I heard can cause problems later on. Well I have a continuous pain in my lower abdomen and have unexplained weight gain. I have been pregnant 3 times and two made it. So I know when something is off. I have taken multiple pregnancy tests they all say negative. I don't feel pregnant I feel sick. Very sick. Like I'm falling apart. All my energy is gone. Every few days I seem to either begin to feel worse or I develop a new symptom. Well a week ago the pain began to get worse. Me and my husband had sex and it was uncomfortable it felt as though there was something inside me he kept bumping. Only on the right side though. And I'd get a small twinge of pain every time. My stomach looks swollen on the right side. 4 days ago I developed diarrhea. And for the people who are gonna scream go to the Dr I have an appointment but it's three days from now. I want an idea of what's going on so I can know what to bring up and ask to be tested for. My family has a history of cancer. Uhm yeah. I guess that's about it in a nutshell. Does anybody have any suggestions on what could be wrong with me?? Thanks in advance. (link)
To be honest with you I wouldn't wait the extra 3 days. at the least I would find a clinic who can see you or at best go to an emergency room. This isn't normal and it appears as though you are having a lot of trouble functioning with the runs on top.

We aren't doctors so I cannot explain issues with periods, weight gain and pain. I hate speculating but one possible thing might be a gastrointestinal issue. I stress *might* With lactose or other issues the pain is continuous sharp and lower abdomen.

How's your diet? Also, with not eating well or having a problem in that area your energy is also not existent. That's one idea to explore.

Another is a gallbladder issue. When you have that problem people get sharp pains in the abdomen much like you described. Apparently, from what I read the sufferer might not even know there is even a problem and have this building up for years. That's not meant to scare you but to illustrate.

If you are having the runs you can become dehydrated and if it's not stopping on top of all these symptoms go to the ER and explain everything you wrote in this note or even hand it to them and ask for them to intervene.

The swelling that is unexplained concerns me and is reason enough to go. If feeling very sick all the time especially go now rather than wait 3 days. I seriously doubt you have cancer and should put that fear aside. Whatever this is does need to be checked sooner rather than later and can be handled.




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