Wife, mother, loyal friend to the end, model, classic car collector. almost 30 years old, and seen alot in my few years here on earth. People usually come to me for advice, and i give in return grounded, realistic answers.
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Member Since: January 18, 2005
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adviceman49
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So I am 25/f and I have a really good friend that I've been friends for the last 2 months. She's also 25. Now She's a recovering alcoholic/drug addict who's been arrested numerous times and has even had her son taken away from her. Now she has a job and she's starting school. However I noticed from the beginning of friendship she has gotten very insecure, possessive and tries to use me for rides because she doesn't have a car. I told her how i felt about her asking me for rides and she said well I want to hangout with you and I don't have a car, and you're my only friend (basically guilt tripped me). Now I made the mistake of telling her about this guy I met while we were swimming one day at her apartment complex. He's 41 and we've been hooking up and she's super judgmental about it. We've even gotten into arugements about it. I told her to stop judging me. I forgot to mention ever since she's gotten clean she's become a born again Christian and feels the need to judge me and tell me I should go to church and stop looking for love! The other day I told her about this guy I'm going on a date this weekend, and oh my god her reaction was so ridiculous! She started saying OMG! there's always a new guy every week! first it was so and so and now this guy! and I told her it's called dating and that's what people do in their 20's. She told me I was making excuses and that I needed to stop using dating site apps like Clover and Tinder and find a real guy, "a man of god." I was like are you scared of losing me if I start dating? and her reply was no not at all I have other friends, although I doubt it since she uses people and sits in her apartment that mom pays for. She also told me that I need to go to 12 step program, that's what she's doing. She says it's not just for people with drug/alcohol problems. It's like she doesn't want me to happy. And I had a friend like her who became Christian and she would say the same things to me. But I finally stopped being friends with her. But anyways I told her I might be moving If i get a job in a specific area of our town and she was like ugh why do you want to move there? I was like uhh because it's closer? I don't get it, is she jealous or something? It seems like she is, and can't seem happy for me. I don't judge her at all for her past. She told me once after a fight that I brought up her past even though I didn't. I basically told her to stop judging me, because that's not very Christian of her. I am sick of this, I know I can't change her but should I try to talk to her about it? I mean I'm not sure If that'll do any good, so does anyone have any ideas? Should I just end the friendship? Please help! thanks! (link)
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Ok im gotta break down everything you said here piece by piece because youve given alot of information (which is helpful) but there are many facets to this whole situation that need to be addressed and not just with her but with you as well. So here we go:
"So I am 25/f and I have a really good friend that I've been friends for the last 2 months. She's also 25. Now She's a recovering alcoholic/drug addict who's been arrested numerous times and has even had her son taken away from her. Now she has a job and she's starting school. However I noticed from the beginning of friendship she has gotten very insecure, possessive and tries to use me for rides because she doesn't have a car. I told her how i felt about her asking me for rides and she said well I want to hangout with you and I don't have a car, and you're my only friend (basically guilt tripped me). Now I made the mistake of telling her about this guy I met while we were swimming one day at her apartment complex. He's 41 and we've been hooking up and she's super judgmental about it. We've even gotten into arugements about it. I told her to stop judging me.
Ok, part of this could be that shes a recovering drug addict or alcoholic and she may feel that your the only steady enough person in her life that has their shit together so shes clinging on to you more and doing/saying whatever she thinks she can to keep you closed off from others even if its mean. I have a feeling that she would be unhappy with ANY other relationship/friendship you have thats not HER. This is a situation where you have to figure out how much your willing to deal with.
If i were her i would honestly be a little concerned about the age difference of you and the guy you "met up with" but thats a whole other ball of wax that we dont need to get into right now.
"I forgot to mention ever since she's gotten clean she's become a born again Christian and feels the need to judge me and tell me I should go to church and stop looking for love!"
OK some people who are in recovery do things like this. No one says its right but they may think that now that they have a fresh start on life that they need to fix others lives as well and in doing so can end up coming across as better then others because they "found god" or what have you and thats not ok to do to anyone, no matter what stage in life someone is in. Im not a very religious person so honestly i would have dropped her like a hot potato once she started in with the god/church talk. I respect other people right to believe in whatever it is they want but its not ok to push that shit on others and i think if you want to maintain a friendship then you need to set down some boundaries with her and let her know in a nice way that your not interested in being preached to. Thats not what friendship is about.
"The other day I told her about this guy I'm going on a date this weekend, and oh my god her reaction was so ridiculous! She started saying OMG! there's always a new guy every week! first it was so and so and now this guy! and I told her it's called dating and that's what people do in their 20's. She told me I was making excuses and that I needed to stop using dating site apps like Clover and Tinder and find a real guy, "a man of god." I was like are you scared of losing me if I start dating? and her reply was no not at all I have other friends, although I doubt it since she uses people and sits in her apartment that mom pays for."
Ok this is what you get when you have two people who are in MUCH different stages and phases in life. Not everyone can make great friends and as an adult thats something your going to have to come to terms with. Shes not in that phase where shes open to dating and going out (and its probably for the better right now because of her past) so telling her that your going out on dates and meeting all these people to HER probably doesnt sound healthy because she might be thinking your going down the road she might have already gone down before her child was taken away and all that.
So what it comes down to here is that your just not a good match friendship wise. Its like a soccer mom with 3 kids trying to be friends with a single, swinging party girl that still is free to go out and have that kind of fun. see what getting at?? you cant force that kind of friendship to work because shes got alot of obligations right now (even if her mom does pay for her place) other then that her life is a mess from the sounds of it and she needs to be AWAY from the type of life style that could suck her back in and cause her to make bad choices and her just being friends with you leaves her susceptible to that. So for HER sake and your sanity i think you need to take a step back from her.
"She also told me that I need to go to 12 step program, that's what she's doing. She says it's not just for people with drug/alcohol problems. It's like she doesn't want me to happy. And I had a friend like her who became Christian and she would say the same things to me."
Ok see, this is what im talking about in the answer i gave before this. She is in a different phase of life as you and this is her way if dealing with what she see's as "a problem" in your life and this response is her solution to it. While it may be true that AA isnt just for people who have those specific problems (because ive done it before to help aid a friend who ACTUALLY had those issues) it doesnt mean you "need" to do it too. Its not a cure all like she may be thinking it is. This is showing more and more that your life paths are headed in different directions right now which is an important part of having friends.
"anyways I told her I might be moving If i get a job in a specific area of our town and she was like ugh why do you want to move there? I was like uhh because it's closer? I don't get it, is she jealous or something? It seems like she is, and can't seem happy for me."
Well it seems that its obvious that she doesnt want you to go but she has no place saying anything negative if its for the sake of you supporting yourself. thats kind of not fair for her to say anything if its for an important reason like this. It also seems obvious to me that she may not understand what a healthy adult friendship is, because so far what ive read it doesnt seem like she does. Adult friendships arent supposed to include judging or giving unsolicited advice or mothering someone.
"I don't judge her at all for her past. She told me once after a fight that I brought up her past even though I didn't. I basically told her to stop judging me, because that's not very Christian of her. I am sick of this, I know I can't change her but should I try to talk to her about it? I mean I'm not sure If that'll do any good, so does anyone have any ideas? Should I just end the friendship? Please help! thanks!"
I'd say dont necessarily "end" things if you care for her but let her know that your going to "take a step back from things right now" because of her instability and the way shes been judging you and hurting your feelings. If shes being possessive then you need to speak up about it and not be a door mat. You can tell her in a calm, cool, collected manner that you dont like what shes doing, how shes been treating you and do it without allowing your emotions to over come you. Your both adults here, and there are many aspects of ANY relationship/friendship in life that require rational, level headedness and not acting on pure emotion. The sooner you learn that and put it into motion in your life, the better things will turn out for you and her.
what the both of you do in your spare time is really none of each others business (yes even when it comes to friendship)
good luck and i hope things turn out ok for you and your friend.
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OK sooo I just moved to a new city and it is quite far for my last home. The friends that I had at my old home cannot come to visit me and I would like to make new ones too. I have only been talking to my family for a while and it is the middle of summer no school to make new friends. Also my family is on a low budget at the moment so nothing that costs money. how to make friends and I live on a old people coldisack. (link)
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Maybe start going on walks everyday. do you have a pet you can walk?? take your dog to a near by park everyday and make friends with other dog owners??
maybe volunteer somewhere? you can make friends with anyone thats also somewhere else for the same reason. You just have to figure out where those places ARE get it? its really not that hard.
pick up some hobbies and then check online where they have meet ups for those hobbies at public places! Try do it yourself projects, crafts, making stuff. Go for walks in your new city so you can get the lay out of the land a little more!
OR DRIVE. whatever works for you.
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23/f, 29/m
My boyfriend made this comment about me trying out my new toner and he said, “why? your face is already breaking out. Wouldn’t that make you break out more?” Is that supposed to make me feel better? Is that supposed to be some kind of a joke? Because I don’t understand. He tends to make comments like this here and there. Does he expect me to not have a reaction to it? He subtly puts me down and it makes me lose my self-esteem.
The more I started thinking, I know that my counselor told me the signs and her thoughts on him not respecting my boundaries, but I guess that’s true. I keep thinking back on how he was hurting me during sex and I told him, “I thought you’re supposed to be turning me on, not turning me off.” And I said “ow” multiple times. He apologized and eventually stopped. He didn’t stop right away.
When I don’t give him a response that he likes very much, he ignores me or neglects me. Or he only sends me short responses until I apologize. He refuses to tell me how I feel. When I make a point like he’s hiding me from everyone and the relationship, he doesn’t answer. He tells me to be quiet while I’m talking. It makes me feel bad.
Whenever I tell him whatever he's doing doesn't make me feel very good and that he's not appreciating me or is being mean to me, he always backtracks and tells me that he's not being mean. That he supports my career change and he's encouraging me. Him encouraging me doesn't make every other comment or critic okay.
When I discuss something with him, he refuses to answer. When I’m upset, he acts extra affectionate until I act as if I’m okay again and then he treats me in a different pattern. He treats me well in person, but when he’s not next to me, he doesn’t treat me very well. He still makes those comments in person, though. Subtly putting me down.
He has this pattern of him being jealous of whoever I hang out with and he tells me that he’s suspicious. I haven’t done anything to break his trust and when I say that, he gets upset. So I think it’s a reverse psychology and maybe it’s that he doesn’t trust himself and he says it’s nothing like that and gets quiet and tells me he doesn’t want to talk about it.
I think the only person that should be worried, is me. He has done several things to break my trust and I haven’t done anything to him. I’m the one that’s paranoid and curious on who he’s hanging out with because he has broken my trust several times.
What should I do? What can I do? (link)
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Ok firstly, try to remember that not all males know everything there is to know about make up! lol. so try not to take too much of the dumb male comments to heart because sometimes they like to act like they know all there is to know about things when they dont. He obviously wouldnt know alot of make up because does he use it himself?? probably not. So i would just call him out on those little comments and say something like "oh cause you just know all about make up huh??" lol. Make a joke of it and make him feel stupid for having said something like that.
Ive had lots of male friends in the past and that tactic when they try shit on me usually works and their a little more careful about what they say the next time around. ; )
Also you need to find the RIGHT time to talk to him about things that are important to you. ASK him when your both alone together and he seems like hes in an ok mood if we can talk about some stuff youve been thinking about. if he says "not now" then just ask "ok when would it be a good time?" or say that your going to keep on reminding him that youd like to talk about some important things youve been thinking about and that your not going to stop asking so he might as well MAKE TIME rather then just keep putting it off.
When you CAN get him to sit down and talk with you, ask that he be honest and dont bring up specific situations and then zero in on them too much. What you want to do is instead of saying something about (lets say the make up comment) say "ive noticed that youve been making alot of little side comments lately that seem to come off harsh and im just wondering if your stressed out because it seems like youve been taking things out on me" then ask if anything is bothering him and if theres anything you can do. If he continues to say he doesnt want to talk about it ask "why not?" and ay "how are we supposed to make this work if your not willing to open up some and let me in??" because "a relationship is a two way street and your not allowing it to be right now" and then just be quiet, stare at him, and see what he has to say.
Remove your emotion from it and do not allow anything he says to upset you. Your both adults and you should be able to have an adult like conversation without allowing your emotions to over come you. Let him say what he wants to really say if he feels this is his chance to open up.
As two adults you HAVE to be able to talk about the brass tacts of being in a relationship with each other. its not all about lovey dovey, dream land type attitudes. Theres going to be discord at times and nit picking because people are people and no one is perfect.
Things change though when your partner is PURPOSELY going out of their way to say hurtful things, so be SURE that that is what he is doing before you assume that "he MUST know that what he said wasnt right" when in fact he might NOT have known that one little side comment upset you.
Find a good time to talk to him when he seems like hes in an ok mood and open to it and not busy. ASK "hey can we talk?" try to be neutral, STAY CALM because nows your chance to express yourself like an adult woman and not let emotion over come you because if you do that, youll come on too strong, over whelm him, and then he might shut down on you and then youve missed your chance to get through to him.
If he keeps on saying not now or im busy then tell him to MAKE TIME to sit down with you because your GOING to keep on asking so he might as well make time sooner rather then later.
Now during his talking (assuming youve got him to sit down with you) really HEAR what hes saying. Ask yourself things like:
are the things hes saying sound like someone that will make me happy?
does he sound like hes willing to make room for me in his life right now?
(some people say they want to be in a relationship but in reality they just really dont want to be alone and that can start to show when they start to feel like its ok to not feel the need to please you anymore and keep things happy)
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This is very new to me ,so let's start with I'm a girl (20) and my girlfriend(21),me and my girlfriend started talkin back in highschool and hit it off we now dating for 2 years 6 months ,so one time stayed over at her house and then after I left her mother said to not see me again,that was 3 months ago ,we were supposed to go on a date next week when it was mentioned to her mother she said that she needs to stay away from me...I'm a good kid I guess studyin my 3rd year in uni ,great grades respectful...why is she making this so hard on both of us...just wanted another person point of view (link)
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Ok, first off im sorry your going through this. People parents can get really weird ideas about others for some reason sometimes and then draw on those ideas and then end up coming to really weird conclusions when none of it is true what so ever.
Also if it IS true, then try to remember that this might not even necessarily be about you specifically. Sometimes people act shitty because of things THEIR going through that actually have nothing to do with you. Totally unfair and stupid I KNOW but this is how people who live more by their emotions can be.
Also (and i know this is terrible to mention) but is there ANYWAY what so ever that your girlfriend could be making this stuff up so that she doesnt have to see you anymore??
I dont want to make that kind of leap but i only say this because shes an ADULT and if she really wanted to do something she would FIND a way to do it and not change her mind if she loved you and was determined enough.
Heres MY take on it ok. Even if your girlfriend DOESNT have a propensity for lying, i would ask her why doesnt just ignore her mom, fight her on it, and tell her that shes al adult and that while her mothers opinion DOES matter to her that its still HER choice weather or not she wants to hang out with you or not. This is not a choice that a mother should be making for an adult child. After 18 or 19 i would say as a parent you pretty much have no say (or shouldnt) over who your childs friends are but it IS important to hear that parent out and judge for yourself weather or not that opinion has any validity to it and then make a choice separately of that.
How did your girlfriend tell you that her mom said this stuff? is it all just from her mouth? also how did her mother act when you WERE there?? was she pretty friendly and inviting? or did she stay an another part of the house the whole time and hide like she wanted nothing to do with you?
If i were you i would tell your girlfriend that maybe YOU and her mother need to talk about this face to face and have a calm, adult conversation about how shes feeling about you and her daughter being friends. Ask your GF if shes lying because if she is nows the time to admit it and that all can still be forgiven but that if you have to come over to her moms and talk to her and find out that shes placing blame on her mom and just SAYING "my mom doesnt want us to hang out anymore" then your going to be very upset.
Ive have this happen to me before and trust me, they came clean when i told them that i was willing to come over there and speak to their parent myself, in person, and ASK them if they had some sort of a problem with me. One time i did it and the "friend" admitted that she DID lie and that she just didnt like confrontation. Although i was the bigger person and forgave her, i still chose to walk away from the friendship but told her that i was glad she told the truth and that its never fair to lie like that and say their parent said some shit they didnt say.
Another time, a friend of mine didnt want to be friends anymore so she told her mother that i was doing things and saying things that ANOTHER friend of hers that i barely knew was saying and doing, and when i talked to the mother she acted like i was the horrible person until later when she found out that it was THE OTHER GIRL and not me. lol.
Manipulation is a huge thing in family dynamics sometimes so you need to make sure that this isnt the case because the story sounds off here.....
good luck!
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My life kind of started to end on July 15 2014. My wife of 52 years and I were sitting on our deck when we looked at each other and said, You know something we got it made. That was because I had finally retired and we had moved into our new house in the mountains. That was around one pm when we spoke those words.
That night around seven we got a call from one of our daughters (Barb). She told us that she had just left the doctors and they had told her she had stage four ovarian cancer, and that she had 1 to 5 years to live.
This as you can imagine floored us. The next morning my wife (Elaine) and I packed her suitcase. We decided that my wife would move in with Barb to help her as much as possible. Barb lives three hours away, so we thought I would drive down on weekends and bring our dog with me.
After three months of Elaine staying there and me coming down on weekends, the stress got so bad between my wife and I. You see, Elaine is 71 years old and she was taking care of Barbs whole house. There are four in the family, Barb, her husband (Jeff) daughter (Kristin age 21) and son (Jeffery age 17). She looked like she was 90 years old. This was killing my wife. Well after three months had gone by, Barb went back to work, so Elaine decided to come home and we would go down on weekends. This lasted till 1/10/16 when Barb passed away.
When my wife came home, I was relieved that she could rest and try to get back to somewhat of a normal life. Well that did not happen. From the minute and I mean minute Elaine walked in the door I was accused of having an affair. I could not believe my ears. Her reasoning was she found Cialis in my bureau drawer. After her throwing this at me I showed her that it was a sample with my name written on it. The funny part of it was, Elaine was the one that picked it up at the doctors office. By the way our doctor not only wrote my name on the box but the date 1/16/2012. Four years before we moved to the mountains.
That was the end of that session. But two weeks later she told me my girlfriend stole five pair of her jeans from the closet. I could go on an on about the accusations but to name just a few. Cigarette butts found in the street meant my girlfriend was standing there watching the house. I was told while we where both out shopping together that there was blood on our mattress pad. When we got home the blood had disappeared. Now remember we never left each others side.
I won’t bore you with more details because there is over 50 accusations made. None of which were true.
Anyway last week a new neighbor moved in and you guessed it I was having an affair with her.
Well two days ago she left me, drained our bank accounts of over $125,000. Leaving me not only with my wife of 52 years but without a penny.
I can’t do this anymore. As much as I love her I want it all to end. I can’t stand the pain. I sit here and look at a bottle of pills the doctor gave us for depression and can’t stop thinking this would end my pain. I was a strong willed man all my life, a rough and tumble construction worker. Well I am a broken man now. She broke me and took my will to live.
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Ok first off let me just say that im so sorry your going through this. I can imagine how you must be feeling (and ive been with my SO for 15 years)
Next i wanna take a wild guess here and say that maybe your wife has had a mental brake since the death and isnt dealing with her feelings or allowing herself to grieve.
This is what can happen when loved ones die and the survivors are feeling just so mixed up emotionally that they dont know what feelings to go with like the normal ones (sadness and loss) but instead is choosing anger and accusations and since your the closest to her right now, (or since this happened) your going to be that sacrificial lamb sorry to say.
Its easy for me to make that leap because you said that before she left that you had a previously pretty good relationship. What your wife needs is mental help.
I would call her and tell her that she can either return the money to your joint accounts (or wherever its kept) or you will call adult protective services and the police)
If she DOES manage to get away with stealing that money for right now, you can always take her to court and file for a divorce and get that money back, because no judge is going to rule in favor of someone who has demonstrated such erratic behavior after the death of a loved one. So youve got that on your side.
She will be ordered to give that money back or face jail time. Either that or she can come back, and you can take her to grieve counseling so that she can learn how to deal with her feelings. Some people are just too afraid to make that step, to ask for help, and if you love her the way it sounds like you do then youll pick up the phone, get her to agree to come back (using whatever excuse you need to use right now) and get into counseling. either marriage or grieve, counseling both will work.
Whatever her reactions are, stay calm, dont let your emotions over come you because you need to be the rational one here right now. It sounds like she needs you to be strong for her.
good luck ; )
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so I broke up with my GF over 8 months ago, she's moved on, living with someone now. I only found this out 2 weeks ago. We all 3 happen to work at the same place, although we rarely if ever see one another. I'm finding myself becoming obsessed with them. What are they doing, are they together, where are they. I hate doing these things, but, like I said it's really becoming an obsession. HELP! How do I stop this unhealthy behavior? (link)
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Well first off let me just say, im sorry that our feeling this way.
I feel in order to fully answer this i would have to know WHY specifically you broke up because the REASONS for why you did it could have started this.
The bottom line here is that its over. The choice you made to brake up with her also comes with the decision to cut all ties, (that includes mentally) something that you honestly should have been prepared to do when you made the conscious choice to brake up (especially if it was YOU and made that choice) its sort of a "you reap what you sew" situation in THAT aspect.
Heres what you should be asking yourself ok....
How do you ever expect to find someone new and/or BETTER if you keep all your attention turned towards those two?? by doing this, your not paying attention to what else is around you and your ignoring the other potentially good opportunities to enter your life!
No can fault you for feeling this way because we all know that feelings for someone dont just go away, it can be a slow process that one has to process and get through at their own pace, in their own time. On the flip side of this coin your shooting yourself in the foot and setting any kind of progress BACK by continuing to feed this idea that if you keep tabs on what their doing all the time that it will some how make you feel better when in reality its sabotaging your own efforts to move on. That is if your actually trying.....
good luck! ; )
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There's a guy I go to school with who used to have a crush on me and flirted with me when we passed each other in the hallway. I just found out that he raped a girl named Ashley who I'm acquainted with, but I was sworn to secrecy by my friend, Allison who told me, not to tell anyone (mainly to protect Ashley, the victim's reputation and safety). The rape has been reported and the department faculty members are aware of it. I am very close with a teacher on that faculty and would like to discuss it with her. Do you think I'd be over-stepping my bounds? I did promise Allison (my friend who told me) that I wouldn't tell anyone about it but this teacher already knows about it anyway. Are there any bases I'm not covering that I need to be aware of before I discuss this with my teacher? (link)
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The best thing i think you could do is keep quiet about it, the proper people know and it sounds likes its being handled.
Theres a chance if you try to talk to her about it that it will only make her feel worse because she knows others know, and make yourself look bad to your friend allison because you promised you wouldnt say anything. It might trace back to her ya know?
if you want to, maybe you could try to just support the victim and be friendly, and open to talking to her about anything so that if she feels eventually that she can confide in you then she will. If the topic comes up while your together, you can say how awful that kind of thing is and show (even though you "dont know" it happen to her) that you'd have lots of compassion for someone whos been a victim of that so she knows how you'd react if she DID tell you see where im going with this??
once i was friends with the girl and SHE or someone ELSE brought it up and she willingly admitted it happened to her i'd act like i didnt know, and be sympathetic. I'd ask her if she'd gotten any type of counseling because it might help and its not like it would be harmful even if she believed it wouldnt work, and at most it would have just been a waste of time. I would try to gently push her towards counseling or therapy of some type of it was offered to her, and let her know that shes the victim and that theres nothing to be ashamed up but its understandable that she'd feel like there wasnt a need to "broadcast it"
After someone is raped they should be watched closely, for their own safety. Some women (depending on how violent the attack was) can become self destructive and or start acting out or harming themselves like cutting or self medicating.
Maybe you can encourage your friend to watch her carefully and if it starts to look like shes not acting herself THEN say something, but for the most part i think people approaching her "randomly" or "out of no where" and trying to talk to her about it might make her feel like "well who ELSE knows??" dont make her feel worse.
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I'm 15, almost 16, female in 10th grade. I want to be in a relationship really bad, but I keep seeming to have problems with this. I had 1 boyfriend in the past but broke up with him in a week, I was scared to commit. Every time I get close to a guy (not physically) I suddenly freak out and avoid them. I always seem to find flaws in every guy as if it helps convince me why I shouldn't date them. I want to be in a relationship but I'm scared to commit and I think I'm scared to fall in love. How do I stop that? (link)
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I was this way too in high school but it was because there REALLY wasnt any guys that i liked!! their were ones that were attractive but dumb, or smart and ugly, or just wanted to get into my pants without any commitment! i was having none of it as a teen and ended up not dating but still was open enough to have guy friends. What this did for me was enable me to speak to guys truthfully and honestly and allow me to not be afraid to communicate what i really thought because we were just friends! it was actually REALLY beneficial for me in the long run because i didnt see them "like that" see what im getting at?
not every guy has to be a potential date. Being friends with guys can help you understand how different types of guys operate (and they can be surprisingly simple creatures) ; )
If a guy asks you out and you dont know him that well then ask if you can be friends first and get to know each other. This will show you what their intentions are, you can get to know the REAL them and over time decide if they are dateable and then go from there!
; )
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There's this boy in my class that I used to date, I broke up with him, but I think I might still love him. Its been a few months, so I thought he would pass, but he didn't. I want to date him, but I don't at the same time, and I dont know what to think anymore. I thought about talking to him about it, but I can't talk to people, somebody had to help me break up with him, because I had a panic attack when I was trying to tell him. It kind of seems selfisj to be that I want to date him, but I don't at the same time. Should I try to forget about him, or something else? I'm just so confused! (link)
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Sounds like you have alot of thinking to do and NOT just with your feelings. Try to remember that people who operate themselves based on their feelings are often times unstable, emotional people who have it harder in life because they are constantly thinking about everything in a "how does this make me FEEL?" sort of way instead of thinking practically, and logically to find a solution to whatever it is they are currently having a difficult time with.
Think about the real reasons WHY your thinking the things you are about him. Are they based on anything valid? perhaps a bad experience in the past? When you enter into a relationship, you run the risk of having to hurt someones feelings once in a while, thats just apart of life and theres no way around it so its probably better that you train yourself to get past this NOW or else life is going to be hard for you when it doesnt need to be.
Think it through before you do anything, because it sounds like you really do still like him because if you didnt why would you concern yourself with his feelings? why would you go and have a panic attack? maybe its because thats NOT really what you want and theres something else going on here your not mentioning.
good luck ; )
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So my boyfriend keeps having dreams about me being pregnant and not like first months. It's the full 9 months im giving birth and we are taking the baby to meet family after that. He Says it's a baby girl. We have been active these past couple of months but i have gotten my monthly cycle every month.
But out of both of us he's always the one talking about becoming a family and having a baby, he always saying we should tell his mom I'm pregnant just to see what she will say
I'm just curious on what it means (link)
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ok usually dreams are very symbolic, so what im hearing (based on my years of interpreting my own dreams and doing lots of research) that it sounds like the baby in you represents how much of a deep investment he has in you, and how much you mean to him because you also mention that hes taking you and this little being you created from your love together to meet two of the most important people in his life.
basically it means hes in love with you and that you mean alot to him and the feelings run very deep. ; )
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thanks, ive checked flowers but 1800 flowers is a total rip off...any other ideas? thanks (link)
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what about a nice cheese cake? Their considered to be of the higher end pastries and run a little more but ive never heard a woman complain when receiving one! ; )
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I was given a very large bouquet of flowers in a pot with floral foam. How do I maintain these flowers? How do I water them? Do I replace the foam with soil? (link)
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typically from what i know, these types of arrangements arent meant to last very long thats WHY they come in a foam block sort of thing. they mostly use them for funerals and only last a few days unless you want to pull ALL the flowers out and put them into a vase of water with flower food.....
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I asked my guy friend to buy me a candy bar and he says " oh, ill buy you a candy bar alright" and smirked at me..... (link)
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I have had lots of guy friends and it sounds like he was just trying to say it in a dirty tone so it would allow you to take it where ever you wanted.
Guys like to do that sometimes (ive actually learned from the way they communicate and have used it right back at them) and this makes them even more fun to talk to at times.
I wouldnt take it personally, it sounds like he was just saying typical shit young perverted guys say that feel like they can be themselves around you. ; )
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I am a student of a renowned university. my first year to be precise.. after a short period, I met a guy in his 3rd year.. to cut the long story short, we started dating..
Later I noticed that he comes to my hostel only on Friday nights, or Saturday.. Anytime we see each other in public, he does like he doesn't know me.. I don't know wat to do because I feel like he is just using me. anytime he comes to my hostel, late at night, he wakes me up while kissing me allover, we make our till dawn at times.. i
he has never acknowledged me as his girlfriend. we do talk at times, but lately it has been about us making out and I don't like it... what can I do to stop all this.. because I don't want my emotions to be toyed with
(link)
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Let me mirror what the others have said here. It sounds like youve gotten yourself into what i like to call "a grey area" Where nothing is clear and there hasnt been any communication on what you two ARE exactly and that needs to change NOW.
Tell him that you will not be together and this will end immediately if he is not willing to talk to you about things and make his intentions known so that you know where you stand with him. Theres absolutely no reason why there should be such a lack of knowledge about what you two ARE and where you stand. To me it sounds like he IS just using you and may just be looking for a good time and he knows he can get of it from you because youll let him in.
Time to put your foot down lady
good luck ; )
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i've been in love with the same guy for about 3 years. we've been dating for a little over a year. we've *lived* together for about 4 years.
i used to always look forward to him coming home. and i've never been more sexually attracted to a person as i am to him. but lately i've become almost bothered by his presence. idk if this is a fluke thing or if i'm seriously just not into it anymore. we haven't been fighting or anything, i'm just kind of bored i guess. we haven't had sex in two weeks. and i relish my alone time more than i do my time with him. i've felt like i was losing interest before,( and i know this happens a lot in relationships, especially when people live together,) but i've always found myself getting over it and feel like we're lovers and best friends again. but for about a week now i've been using any excuse i can to not see him. i feel smothered and trapped. we just signed another year lease on our apartment. i don't want to hurt him though, he's extraordinarily sensitive and can act like a little bitch sometimes. which is also bothersome. i need a man, not a girl. idk what to do. maybe it will change in a couple of days or something but for now, i just want him to leave me alone. (link)
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You sound a little selfish to be quite honest. Have you ever considered how much he cares about YOU? and maybe hes just more open with his feelings because he really loves you so he feels he can show that side of himself to you and thats what open honest relationships are all about.
Its sounds like your not ready to be in a committed relationship at all because you cant think about anyone elses feelings but your own from one moment to the next and its just all about what you want no one else really matters. Just because a guy shows feelings doesnt make him "a little bitch" either. He sounds more mature than you to put it bluntly and maybe you should save him the energy and go find a guy that treats you like a complete dick because hes probably "more of a man"
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I am getting nervous. I'm 32 yrs old and not very experienced sexually. I have kissed lots of girls but my only actual intercourse was a one night stand while drunk and was raw. So that time I cummed within 30 seconds of insertion. I had a 45 minute refractory time. Cummed again 30 seconds on round 2.
A little background - I get hard even just kissing and making out with my new girlfriend, any cuddling activity, even just ass on cock while standing in line anywhere.
So I have a girlfriend now. We tried having sex and I cummed while she was on top of me doing foreplay. It took an hour to get hard again and then once I put a condom on within a minute got flaccid. I couldn't get hard again for the next 20 mins. Next morning we woke up kissed and got hard, put a condom on and within a minute of putting a condom on I blew my load and not even in her yet.
What do I need to do?? I will say I havent masturbated before I just can't seem to get myself off unless someone else is physically with me. Ugh (link)
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Ok, you should know that the average male doesnt last very long, so SO FAR your not sounding that unusual to me.
Masterbating can actually desensitize you a bit, aiding in lasting longer.
You might try buying whats called a flesh light, and using that in between or when you arent with your girlfriend. It sounds like a simple case of you just needing to do it more so that when your with HER you dont get all overly excited.
Its not a bad thing that you havent been with a bunch of women. Some women would consider that special so dont think badly of yourself because of it. ; )
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Hey so I saw that you have answered a lot of peoples questions and seemed very experienced. I am very new to this website and was just wondering if you had any tips on how to answer questions, or just any advice on it in general.
Thank you. (link)
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Well the best answers you can give are ones based on experience. When you answer a question thats NOT, you run the risk of giving bad advice so in that aspect you should probably tread carefully, but if you feel moved to answer because you want to help someone, then MY personal theory is to not tell anyone to do anything YOU wouldnt do. AKA risking their personal safety, committing a crime etc.
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i was just wondering how can i stop blushing when im talking to my crush and how can i stop liking my crush
thanks (link)
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well you could probably start by thinking of your crush as just another human being on this earth and not magical or special. lol.
Try to look past the looks and talk to him like he is your equal, hes not better than you at all in anyway. ; )
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Hi guys! My boyfriend quit smoking at the beginning of this month, April first. He mainly did it for me, I didn't like it and I want to keep him around as long as possible...obviously. So, when he reaches his one month mark of not smoking, I want to do something special for him but I can't really think of anything that I'm really stoked about doing for him, to really exemplify my love and appreciation.
So, if any of you guys have ideas, I would greatly appreciate it! I was thinking a little gift - he's been wanting a smart watch lately so I was thinking of looking into getting the one he has bookmarked on his amazon wish list. He just got a new car, I wanted to take it out and fill his tank for him so he didn't have to do that. Maybe bake him something. I just want to do something for him that really shows how much I appreciate him doing this for me and congratulate him for making it a month and for many months to come.
Again, any help is appreciated! I'm 21 and he is 23. (link)
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Those are all good ideas. I dont know where you live but if its starting to get warm yet you could have a friend take a picture of you guys together, print the picture out and then go online and order a box of live butterflies.
Put the picture at the bottom of the box, then take him to a park on a day out and get him to open the box and watch all the butterflies flutter out! and take photos of him while its happening too if you want!
good luck! ; )
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Hi, so this girl that I thought was really nice... I just found out she b****ed about me. I thought she was the nicest girl I knew. If people have a problem with me why don't they just tell me or feel the need to tell others? (link)
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Because alot of girls are either jealous or all about gossiping ok. If your in high school just consider it apart of the territory.
Just pretend like you know nothing about it and go on with your business and if anyone says anything to you saying that you said or did something "according to whats her face" then just say you dont know what shes talking about and that you "would never say something like that" and that it "doesnt even sound like something you would say"
What these girls are looking for is either a reaction from you in order to make you look bad so that THEY can be the victim of you, or for YOU to say something bad BACK about them so again they can be a victim. Anything to make you look bad is usually what jealous, mouthy girls who talk behind your back will do. do NOT give a reaction to this, it will only fuel the fire.
Stay calm, dont allow anyone to get an angry reaction from you. It could be a set up to get you to do something you wouldnt normally do. Just continue to be nice but put some distance between you and that girl. Dont hang out with her, be nice when you DO see her but dont tell her anything personal anymore. Dont invite her to do anything with you or a group of friends, and make sure it stays that way. she'll figure out that you probably know what she said and if she says anything to you about it then just say "well what else did you expect when you talk bad about people behind their back??" and then walk away.
; )
girls like this can just be DYING to start drama with others. Dont give in and let her have that. Stay calm, dont get emotional. good luck
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