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obsession
so I broke up with my GF over 8 months ago, she's moved on, living with someone now. I only found this out 2 weeks ago. We all 3 happen to work at the same place, although we rarely if ever see one another. I'm finding myself becoming obsessed with them. What are they doing, are they together, where are they. I hate doing these things, but, like I said it's really becoming an obsession. HELP! How do I stop this unhealthy behavior?
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Well first off let me just say, im sorry that our feeling this way.
I feel in order to fully answer this i would have to know WHY specifically you broke up because the REASONS for why you did it could have started this.
The bottom line here is that its over. The choice you made to brake up with her also comes with the decision to cut all ties, (that includes mentally) something that you honestly should have been prepared to do when you made the conscious choice to brake up (especially if it was YOU and made that choice) its sort of a "you reap what you sew" situation in THAT aspect.
Heres what you should be asking yourself ok....
How do you ever expect to find someone new and/or BETTER if you keep all your attention turned towards those two?? by doing this, your not paying attention to what else is around you and your ignoring the other potentially good opportunities to enter your life!
No can fault you for feeling this way because we all know that feelings for someone dont just go away, it can be a slow process that one has to process and get through at their own pace, in their own time. On the flip side of this coin your shooting yourself in the foot and setting any kind of progress BACK by continuing to feed this idea that if you keep tabs on what their doing all the time that it will some how make you feel better when in reality its sabotaging your own efforts to move on. That is if your actually trying.....
good luck! ; )
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Sometimes, the key to stopping a behavior like this is just a matter of what thoughts you are having and gaining control of those thoughts.
No one takes unvoluntary actions. All our actions are spurred on by our thoughts.
So ask yourself, what exactly are my thoughts?
For example, do you feel inferior to this other man, wondering what it is about you that fell short, if theres something wrong with you that if you fixed it could get her back? Sometimes there can be unhealthy behavior in both partner. But more often than not, it is simply something that is out of your control to change, and by this I am meaning the chemistry between two people or more to the point, pheremone connections. I know from experience in dating before I met my 2nd husband, as an older adult, that no matter how wonderful the personality, how handsome the guy was, all was for naught if we both didn't feel that kind of connection. When we are younger, its hard to know what that connection feels like and often mistake the excitement of New relationship energy for the real thing, or are willing to settle for less than the best for us. Eventually, one or both decide to break up cus they have decided that the one they are with isn't perfectly right for them as far as spending a life time together.
After all, that is the purpose to dating, to discover enough about the other person to be able to make an educated decision whether you want to be with this person long term, or life long, and if not, to move on and keep looking.
I believe you may be taking this too personally and may need to gain or regain self confidence before you can move on. YOu need to tell yourself aloud, daily "It's okay. There's nothing wrong with me. I'll make a good boyfriend for some girl soon. But I just wasn't the right match for her. I will stop focusing on her and him because as long as I do, I will not be able to move forward with mylife.
See, your subconscious is listening to your thoughts and what you focus on the most, it will believe is whats going to make you happy so it will make you want to take actions that may make what you think about most to happen...so beware your thoughts, because if they are negative ones about yourself or a situation that wont'k necessarily happen, your subconscious can help you to get stuck in a rut, as you are now.
Basically, you need to tell yourself, you are wanting to move on, and let her go. You need to keep saying these kinds of things out loud to yourself for your subconscious mind to heaer, and when your thoughts turn to her and him, stop as soon as you realize you're dwelling on them and tell yourself, "Remember, she is in my past and its time to move on so I will stop thinking about them." You may have to repeat that action every other munute in the beginning until you retrain your brain to stop focusing your thoughts on them so often. As the days and weeks go by, it will happen less often so that perhaps in an hours times, you only think once of them, then later its only twice a day, maybe twice a week, until they no longer fill your thoughts. Of courses if you are doing the following, you are feeding your thought focus, like feeding a fire with wood, by spying on them all the time, or checking on them on the internet, asking others what they have seen or heard about them, etc. If you are doing this, stop now because these actions will make retraining your thought focus impossible.
I wish you the best, and finding the right mate for you
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First of all, know that it's normal to be jealous and curious about what your ex-girlfriend is doing with her new boyfriend, but it's good that you want to nip this in the bud. Break-ups are, of course, difficult, but if you want to get over it then you first must suffer the heartbreak. Try spending some time on YOU. Spend some time going out with friends, doing things you enjoy, over time you will find yourself forgetting about her. It's a cliche, I know, but time really is a healer. Give yourself some time to heal and don't try to stop the way you feel, confront it. The more you focus on trying to recover from the relationship ending, the more you will find that you don't care what they are doing together. Spend some time on your own or around people you care about or even try to find yourself a new girl if you're ready. If you're really struggling with the break-up, you could seek professional help. This kind of thing isn't something you can just stop, it's something that improves over time. However, I am sorry that you are going through this and I hope you know you're not alone. The more you reflect on the relationship the more you will become obsessed, so find some healthy things to do to replace the unhealthy behaviour, whatever your hobby is, do that more often and go out with friends and let your heart heal.
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okay so if i am reading this correctly, You have just found out that your ex moved in with another one of your coworkers and even though you and your ex broke up over 8 months ago, you still want to know everything that goes on in their relationship. I don't blame you, even after you have been separated for a while, you still have that feeling of like "i had her first" and "i loved her first" and that's normal for anyone who was in a relationship. So my guess is that your probably not dating much, Just a guess i don't mean that in an offensive way.so something you can do is find some other women to date on match.com or something like that, and try to make a connection with someone new because most of the time when you make that connection, you wont be so like jealous of your ex relationship and want to be apart of it so much, because you will have found happiness yourself. something else that might help is if you haven't talked to your ex then it might help to ask her about how life is going so you know whats happening, i would not reccomend you do this until you have started dating someone your happy our you enjoy yourself with. Something else you may wanna do is have sex. And there is no other way to say it. I mean don't go scoping out women just to sleep with , but find one girl u like and feel happy with, take things at her pace, and when you both are ready , take that next step. You may be thinking, how the hell does this help me, but basically the moral of this advice is that once u please yourself and find happiness with someone like your ex has, you wont be so obsessed with her relationship. And i hope you know this will definatley take some time and in that time span you may just wanna stay your distance from that whole relationship and start a hobby or something
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