E-mail:
grandfather@post.comGender:
MaleLocation:
Lakewood, ColoradoOccupation:
Engineer (retired)Age:
77Member Since:
January 6, 2015Answers:
136Last Update:
April 23, 2017Visitors:
10955Favorite Columnists
Dragonflymagic
Main Categories:
Work/School Relationships
Love Life
Families
View All
about
I do best answering questions that are related to careers, marriage, children, dating and other interpersonal matters.
advice
I don't understand this disability stuff. I have been paying for LTD for 20 years thru my job in case I would need it. I just had open heart surgery and need the disability income now. I have already submitted a report to my HR dept that I can't work. How do i get my disability?!?
Dear Mr Paying for LTD:
Don't count on the HR department to apply for your Social Security Disability Benefits which you are also entitled to. You can do it here:
https://www.ssa.gov/onlineservices/
The HR department should file for your LTD. I'd ask for a copy of the policy and find the carriers website, so that you can keep on top of it. Wishing you the best.
Sincerely, Grandfather.
Please excuse the hostile title of my question, but I am VERY angry right now. I want to warn you in advance that this writing might make me sound like a truly terrible person, but like I said, I'm extremely angry and fed up at the moment with my parents and my situation.
My parents have one of the worst marriages I've personally ever seen in my life. I don't understand why they ever got married in the first place or why they have stayed married for as long as they have. It's against our religion for them to get divorced, but there are many times that I feel like they, and the rest of our family, would be better off if they got separated or something. I don't think that's against their beliefs.
If I had to tell you everything wrong with their marriage, I'd be writing all night. There are numerous ways that my parents marriage sucks, but basically, they're distant, secretive, rude, verbally abusive, and vindictive. They spend entirely too much time apart, they leave each other out of things they do with their friends that they should do together, they keep secrets from each other, they call each other names that I've never called my worst enemy, and they do things just to make each other angry. Their marriage is constantly getting worse instead of better because when one of them gets angry at the other, instead of talking about it like normal people, they just get revenge on each other.
My parents scared me out of ever wanting to get married. I know they don't have a normal marriage and I know it's possible to get married and be extremely happy with your spouse, but even so, I just never could get up the guts to bite the bullet and commit my life to another person PERMANENTLY not knowing for certain what our marriage would look like one day. I am a Christian like my parents and if I did get married, I couldn't run to get divorced as quickly as some people do. I could get separated, but only if I was desperate and my husband and I would still be joined together legally. Also, the fact that I grew up watching my parents dysfunctional marriage and have never really, closely seen what a good marriage looks like kept me from having confidence in myself to know how to be a good wife and make a marriage work.
I always wanted a family, but when I kept chickening out of marriage, I decided just to have kids on my own using both IVF and adoption. I now have a large family that I'm raising by myself and I'm extremely happy with my life choices most of the time. But on occasion, I do feel sad that I don't have a husband and my kids don't have a dad. They have father figures, but not a legit dad in their lives. I feel bad about that, especially for the boys, but what can I do now? Who wants to marry a single mother raised in a dysfunctional family who doesn't even know what a healthy marriage looks like. Even if someone did, there's not a counselor in the world that could assuage my fears about marriage.
The reason I came here is that my parents are constantly putting me in the middle of their arguments and I get SICK OF IT!!! It's not FAIR!!! They get mad at each other for things I have nothing to do with and they make me take sides, help get revenge on each other, and bad mouth each other to other people. It SUCKS!!!
While I deeply love both of my parents, despite their flaws, and have a very close relationship with my Mother, my relationship with my dad hasn't been good since I was twelve. We've been very distant and we both hate that. We try to work on it, but every time we seem to be getting closer, something happens and our relationship goes straight to hell again.
So over the past six or seven months, my parents have been working on remodeling their house. The first thing they did was remodel the bathroom my sister and I used to share. They took out that bathtub that used to be in it and put in a shower in it's place. I use that shower when I can because it's by far the nicest and one of the most spacious showers I've ever used.
Two weeks ago tomorrow, I was using that shower and when I opened one of the two glass sliding doors, said door fell and shattered. It apparently wasn't put on right. Both of my hands were badly cut up. I had a cut in my finger on my right hand that went all the way down to the bone and the glass took two big chunks of skin out of my left hand that required stitches. I had a cut on my foot and one my left arm that was DIRECTLY OVER all of the veins and arteries in that arm that can kill you if you cut them open. The whole thing scared me to death. I was very sore for over a week and although I've been feeling better and healing fast, I temporarily lost some of the feeling in the finger that was cut all the way down to the bone and I fear I might be anemic from the blood loss. That probably sounds a little dramatic, but I lost a lot of blood, more than you'd think, and I was also on my menstrual cycle at the time. I've been having symptoms of anemia since then.
I was afraid my dad was going to be angry about what happened. I was scared he was gonna scold me and make me buy a new door. I was a little scared that he would even ban me from his and my mom's house. Instead, he was nothing but worried and sympathetic towards me. He wanted to look at my hands and arm, he asked me how bad the whole thing scared me, he gave me a couple very big hugs. He couldn't have cared less about the door. It was the closest I'd felt to him in a long time. It was one of the rare moments when my dad shows me how much I mean to him and it meant a lot to me.
We've been tight since then, but tonight, my mom almost screwed the all of that up. You see, on Saturday, I wanted to take my kids to see the new Beauty and the Beast movie and my mom said that she'd like to come. I found out that she told a lie to keep my dad from knowing where we were going out of fear that he'd come along if he knew. My dad has since found out where we went and that we'd left him out of something he'd have probably enjoyed and I feel bad about that. I didn't know my mom was going to lie to him like that. I should've invited him myself, but I didn't realize how much he'd have wanted to come. I didn't think he'd like the movie. Even as an adult, I loved it, but it is still a kids' movie and a musical, so I assumed my dad wouldn't want to come, but apparently he would and now I feel like sh!t.
That incident with the shower door happened two weeks ago and today was the third time that my dad had promised to go to the closest home depot an hour away and get a new shower door. He didn't do so and my mom wanted me to confront him and be a b!tch to him thinking that he'd get it done faster if I did. Thing is, my dad and I have been getting along great lately and after the whole thing with the movie, I was scared that he already wasn't happy with me. If I went and was an @as hole to him about the shower door, then he might explode on me and our whole relationship would go south again. Especially since I was the one who broke the door.
I went to politely ask him about the door, but when he was really sweet to me and we talked for a minute, leading me to realize that he wasn't angry with me, I lost my nerve to say anything that could anger him. My mom kept pushing me though so eventually I mentioned it to him, but it didn't help much. He was perfectly sweet about it, but didn't sound like he had gone to indeed home depot and I failed to light a fire under him like my mom wanted me to. This is not a good example of one of my parents putting me in the middle of an argument, but it's what prompted me to come here.
My mom is furious with me for not standing up to my dad and telling him off about the door like she wanted me to. She brought up the times I have stood up to my dad when it was for myself and accused me of not caring enough to do it for her. I explained to her that the rare times I've had the backbone to stand up to my dad, it was because he provoked me to do so, but he didn't provoke me today. I also explained that even if I had more of a backbone, my dad didn't deserve to be berated for the door today. Yes, he should've gotten it like he promised my mom, but he had a pretty busy day and I don't understand why it's such a big deal anyway. There's another shower and a bathtub in the house. My mom does like to use the new shower, but not often it's not like it's the only place in the house to bathe.
This is what I'm sick of. My choices tonight were to either be a jerk to my dad and ruin how well we've been getting along lately or to not be a jerk to my dad and make my mom mad at me. My parents do this to me all the time. They put me in the middle and make it so I can't possibly get out of the situation without making at least one of the mad at me. My mom acknowledges that she puts me in this position. She says flat out that I have to choose between her being mad or my dad being mad at me. I've tried to tell them that I'm not getting in the middle of anything, but that tends to make BOTH of them mad me.
It's really not fair because I have done nothing to get myself in these situations. I didn't cause my parents to have such a disaster of a marriage, I don't cause their arguments, I don't cause myself to be put in the middle of their arguments. I have no options. It's either p!ss my mom off or p!ss my dad off. Their are no other options.
The only other thing I can think of that I could do is to stop being around my parents, but that is not an option. I love both of my parents very much and could never alienate them from my life.
Super sorry this has been such a long writing, but I just wanted you to know everything you might need to know about the situation. Does anyone have any advice?
Dear Ms Angry:
I agree with you entirely and I don't blame you for the way that you feel. A woman raising a family alone, should have the full support of her family.
However, this is not the case here. Your parents need space to find a solution to the problems in their marriage. It's clear that you are unable to help them right now.
My advice to you is to do whatever's necessary to find your own space, no matter how humble, for you and the kids, where you can be alone and free from conflict.
I'm sure that everyone will feel much better and everything will be much better, with just a little time to heal. Be brave and don't lose faith.
Sincerely, Grandfather.
I'm 25 and I was molested around the age of 3-6 approximately (definitely 7 and below.) It was one time period of where my father when watching porn on the television. Saw me on the bed when it was on and he touched me inside my underwear with his hands. The second time in this one time period. I'd guess within the week, he touched me again but with the vibrator that was advertised on the porn from when he had touched me with his hand the first time. I was taken into care at age 7, a week prior to my birthday of turning 8, and I had all sorts of tests done on me. There was suspicion of sexual abuse but when they asked me, I didn't talk. I was also diagnosed as a select mute. It's all documented, and I had to take therapy to get me to talk and learn how to speak correctly. My biological father also walked around the house/apartment/motel/hotel, where-ever we lived for I don't remember quite well, butt-naked. I saw him like that a lot and the image is seared in my mind. He was disgusting. He even bought women's thongs because he liked their role better in the filth. I opened up to few over the years of what happened but I never considered pressing charges of any kind. Is there still something that can be done and do I have any evidence other than my word and reports of suspicion? I don't think I have strong enough evidence. There was no sign of penetration but there was discharge. (Sorry I know that's gross details but give mind I was 8 when I had these tests.) I don't remember him putting his fingers inside; only touching the outside. There's no evidence, right? It's too many years ago? He also lives in another state now. Charges would bring him here, right? Is there a case here?
-Also, going to court means my eyes have to see him, right? I gave him a second chance as an adult to have a part in my life. I have an idea why but it was an insane thing for me to do for what he had done. I had hoped he was a better man. I had confronted him years later about what he did to me in my childhood. He mourned and said he was sorry only when I confronted him alone. I had told someone else what had happened and he got word of it, he denied it ever happened. He said I was a liar and made it up. That makes me want to have some justice although I know he will get his justice in front of God. That is if he never repents and gets saved. He couldn't even repent to me. He said he was sorry but it was like he had taken it back when it put him in the judgement seat. He couldn't take any punishment for what he had done. Let alone that he wasn't a bigger man by not coming to me and apologizing. I had to go to him. I had to tell him that it hurt me.
There's also the crime of when I was under 7, I'd say 3-4, where he took a knife to me. My mom told me I ended up in a hospital and she faced the criminal charges of what had taken place. She didn't even do it.
Is there anything I can do now? It says in my state that there's no limitations to molestation and it's exactly 18 years of when I was taken into care. Could something still be done? It's also documented I was a select mute. He lives in another state now. I don't want to bring him here nor see him.
He's gotten worse or manifesting as what he was again. He's got all sorts of young, busty women on his facebook page. It's gross. What's worse is my born anoxic brother takes after him. He's got that filth on his facebook, too.
Is doing anything wrong in the eyes of God for God said vengeance is mine? Eternal fire seems like plenty punishment to me. I have issues in my mental health because what had happened. I feel like I should have some retribution for what I had lost.
Dear 25:
You are entitled to justice. Any sexual contact, between a child and a parent damages the child, acts of pornography and fondling need to be dealt with. I understand why you couldn't express the horror at the time and why you still have not been able to resolve it. Until you decisively deal with this, things will go from bad to worse.
I hope that your father repents and God has mercy on his soul but until then he must live in agonizing pain for what he's done. You can't help him now.
You need to get direction to use your energy effectively Please reach out and speak with someone who's trained to help you in this matter. Call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800-656-4673. they'll connect you to the proper resources in your area. Also, please read the information at http://www.siawso.org/
You will get your justice. Best wishes, blessings, prayers.
Hello, this is kind of an awkward question. So me and my friend are in the 9th grade and we were doing homework in my room and she fell asleep on the bed. But her feet were sticking out, so her feet were on top of the desk and they happened to be right on my notebook. I didn't want to wake her up so I just kept working with her feet in my face lol, but her toes kept wiggling a lot so I got distracted and started playing around with them.
for example I pushed her toes a few times and they would start wiggling by themselves. Then I would hold her toes still to make them stop wiggling. so I did this whenever I wanted her toes to start wiggling lol. Then I turned on the radio to see what happens, and when I pushed her toes they start wiggling to the beat of the song. I thought it was really cute, so I made them follow my voice instructions too, for example I whispered "wiggle faster" while her toes were wiggling, and suddenly they started wiggling faster. and when I whispered "point your toes", she makes the tippy-toes like a ballet dancer. I think she was dreaming about dancing coz we both like to dance :P
Is it a normal thing for me to think her feet are cute, and to play with them this way? I haven't told her about this yet, coz I think it might sound awkward telling her that I kept her toes wiggling like nonstop while she was asleep. Thanx
Dear awkward questioner:
It might be normal for you or it might be just normal 9th grade curiosity.
If you find sensual pleasure in the activity it may become a fetish. Some notable foot fetishers are Giacomo Casanova, George du Maurier,
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, Thomas Hardy,
Elvis Presley, Andy Warhol, Pharrell Williams
Quentin Tarantino, Jack Black. Marilyn Manson,
Brooke Burke, Rosie Perez, Cara Delevingne
Enrique Iglesias. -- It's nothing to feel bad about. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foot_fetishism
I'll bet that you're an amazing and intelligent person who's going to live a great life. Have fun and don't be too serious about anything but school.
I'm in the process of wanting to commit suicide as I want to be with my son, I haven't got anyone at all, my partner ignores me blames me for what our son did, he wrote me a letter blameing me and how much he hates me and he wished I was dead instead, I'm having nightmares and dreaming of being with my son so so much, iv tryd to get help and I cant get any at all, I'm on medications and it makes me feel even worse, I sit up each and every night now as iv planned my suicide to the end, as I vet left at him on my own quite alot and i know I wouldn't be found till.i am dead, I need help and I cant get it so what's the point, I wouldn't be missed at all as I'm always on my own anyway, I tryd it last year and it felt so good as it took the pain away what I was feeling, cant believe I am still here, please help me or vive me son advice to help me please, next time I'm going to go somewhere very spe ial so I has to be right I do t want to wake.yp I'm done and fed up, iv found homes for my pets tht iv raised and they don't need me now, thank you for reading
Dear Thinking:
Please don't do this. The loss of a child creates almost unbearable pain on it's own. When you have no support from family and friends, it can make you feel alone and helpless. No one can fault you for the condition that you're in. However, suicide is never an option. Life is precious. Taking your life is the most devastating things you could do.
Now that I'm aware that you are suicidal, I'm responsible for helping you to receive the help that you need, so I'm pleading with you to contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. 1-800-273-8255. A skilled, trained crisis worker who works at the Lifeline network center closest to you will answer the phone. This person will listen to you, understand how your problem is affecting you, provide support and share any resources that may be helpful. Talking with someone about your thoughts and feelings can save your life.
I am BEYOND ugly. Every time I look in mirror, I see this hideous monster looking back at me. Please don't try to tell me that I'm not ugly or ugly doesn't exist, because that's genuinely not what I'm looking for. I'm truthfully NOT fishing for someone to tell me I'm not ugly "even though they can't see me."
Instead, I'm searching for detailed answers telling me how I can be SUPER confident IN being ugly and seeing my ugliness as uniquely beautiful? :)
Thank you.
Eleanor Roosevelt was born of a beautiful mother, but she herself was incredibly ugly. She even acknowledged she was unattractive. However, that didn't keep her from marrying and achieving many monumental successes throughout her life.
The way you see yourself is shaped by forces that have very little to do with reality. Beauty standards are contradictory and ever-changing. They tend to reflect imbalances of power: racism, ageism and sexism. When you have a negative thought about your own looks, ask: what is making me feel this way?
When you hear yourself getting down on yourself, stop. Treat yourself the way you would treat a beloved friend. Would you call your friend "ugly" or criticize her? Would you think about her looks all the time?
You may feel better about your life and yourself if you are doing something that you really love to do. Take some time to think about what you are passionate about and remember that Beauty and attractiveness are not the same thing. Attraction is the force that draws others to you. Being typically beautiful can contribute to make someone attractive. However, many other qualities create attraction such as Intelligence, kindness, confidence, health, and humor.
im girl 17,i told my classmate(boy) who is also my crush in the concrete i gave him a note, saying i like him..two days later, i asked him to talk about it bc he didnt give any respond and i wanted to how he feels ,during school,i asked him if we could go and talk somewhere private , he said it is nice that i told him about my feelings for him,he also told me that he know how hard it must´ve been for me to hide my feelings from him.then he said he doesnt have time for relationship bc he has activites besides school (he plays guitar, he dances)and also he told me he firstly wants to develop more spiritually..(if that makes sense) bc we go to catholic church ,and then he hugged me saying that we should continue to be friends and then i deleted him from my friends on fb during summer holidays bc i was always checking if he is online.now is new school year and he found out i removed him from my friends on fb, and he texted me why i did that, and if he did something wrong he is sorry , i told him i did it bc it hurts me and that i dont want to be friends, and he said it´s ok, i thought it would hurt less, but it hurts me more ,now i ignore him bc i dont know how to act to him..he sent me friend request on fb but i didnt accept it yet..he was good friend to me before i told him about my feelings..please help me should i be his friend again or not? if yes what should i tell him,why i suddenly accepted his friend request on fb,and also today is his birthday, should i wish him happy birthday even i removed him from my friends??..thanks for help :)
Dear girl 17:
Yes, you should be his friend. He's a great guy who just isn't available right now.
If he questions you, say something like: "you're a good guy, I like you."
Like diet, exercises, etc?
Like breasts, stomach and butt?
You're on the right track! Eat more vegetables and fruits. Play at least 1 outdoor sport well. Athletic conditioning will do wonders for your figure.
hi,
I read your advice and thanks so much....he doesn't wear a ring, but seeing that he is a bus driver I don't think id wear mine either...the way he is extra giddy towards me when he sees me...I don't think he is with anyone...and the sighs to me is saying you still don't get it.....im attracted to him, not just his to his teeth...lol. if I was to say anything to him, id rather do it when the bus is empty...but I guess I could take a chance....when I see him again...well, I think ill take your advice and push it a lil bit further and see what happens...thanks so much!!!
You're entirely welcome. You must follow your heart but do it wisely. The eyes have it. Arrange a meeting of the eyes.
Hi! I'm 17 almost 18 & ive been dating someone who I love for a year now. Lately I've been feeling I don't know, scared of the future maybe? He keeps talking about how we're going to be together forever, and that this relationship could never end. He also talks about getting married adventually, a long time from now of course. He really is a great guy. I also feel like he doesn't let me breathe, he sends paragraphs for love text about how great we are, I feel bad writing this but I've just been thinking do I want to stay with the same guy forever? Is that bad? Should I experience other things? Not just with guys but experience what it's like to be single I love him I do, maybe I'm just stressed I don't know I just need some advice.
Thanks for the help.
Dear 17 almost 18:
Moving too fast is usually a sign that he's uncomfortable being alone or seeking someone to solve his problems. A clingy lover is very unattractive and is not a trait that you would want your partner to have.
Ultimately, you are the other half that has to be happy in your relationship. If that happiness is compromised then you must ask yourself the tough question: "Is this something that I can live with or live without?"
My 11 y/o daughter used to eat many different types of foods, vegetables, fruit, meat, etc... even if she didn't care for a particular vegetable, she'd still manage to eat it anyways.
Since about three weeks ago, she's only wanted to eat one thing for breakfast, lunch, and dinner: Two scrambled eggs and one maple sausage. Sometimes she'll have orange juice/ a breakfast essential drink to go with it.
I've tried arguing, offering special meals, but she only wants to stick with eggs and sausage. I'm worried she might eventually lack the nutrients she needs.
Is this just a phase?
As her mother, you have a responsibility to see to it that she eats well balanced meals. You need to insist on at least 1 generous serving daily of both vegetables and fruits.
Your 11 year old daughter will suffer for an inadequate diet. Something will go wrong.
I am 13 year old female and a Wiccan. I have a pentagram choker I recently bought and am considering to start wearing it. I'm going on vacation to the beach in a couple days, so I won't be wearing it that often because of the ocean and the such, however tomorrow I'm getting my nails painted. My mother has no problem with Wicca or me wearing it, however my family is mostly Christian. Most my town's areas are Jewish majority and Christians and Muslims tie in second however there is a fair amount of atheists. I'm not trying to generalize, but based off my experience atheists are chill and don't care at all, Muslims are definetly the most "anti-other faiths" however I've met completely chill ones and those who keep it to themselves, however there is this one obnoxious Muslim boy. Christians vary greatly although most of them seem to hold beliefs about old religions being satanic and those who do unlike the bad Muslims do not keep it to themselves they don't care (honestly I feel there is a lot of entitlement amongst Christians), Jews greatly vary mainly because there are a lot, and I mean a lot, like there are 4 main parts of my town, 2/4 have Jewish majority, and probably 99% I have only met two non Jews from those areas and they're both from the same family. And it's a choker, so I can't just hide it underneath my shirt. I live in New York. I don't have much experience however once I drew a pentagram on a book mark and a girl attempted to erase it. I told her to leave it alone, it's not her bookmark, and she quit it. I also know she is Christian, and once we were doing a video project together and she removed her crucifix charm on her bracelet because she felt it was innapropriate because it's school. The beach I'm going to is in New Jersey. I don't know much about laws regarding these type of things other than my first amendedment right to freedom of religion and expression. I have yet to see my principal or vice principals order Muslim students to take of their Hijabs or anything of that sort. But I do know some people take the pentagram as some sort of gang symbol, I'll have to check my dress code again as school starts not to far away for me. Most kids break the dress code very noticeably anyway. And I spent money on it I intend to wear it! What is your guys knowledge on discrimination (or lack of) for wearing a pentagram in public, specifically America, and preferably New York?
Dear 13 year old female, Wiccan:
Wearing a pentagram choker is making a statement about you. However, most people will either not notice or they will ignore it. There are a few ignorant souls that will act judgementally. You must always respond to them with style and grace. Usually, you need not respond with more than just a friendly smile. Don't argue!
My life kind of started to end on July 15 2014. My wife of 52 years and I were sitting on our deck when we looked at each other and said, You know something we got it made. That was because I had finally retired and we had moved into our new house in the mountains. That was around one pm when we spoke those words.
That night around seven we got a call from one of our daughters (Barb). She told us that she had just left the doctors and they had told her she had stage four ovarian cancer, and that she had 1 to 5 years to live.
This as you can imagine floored us. The next morning my wife (Elaine) and I packed her suitcase. We decided that my wife would move in with Barb to help her as much as possible. Barb lives three hours away, so we thought I would drive down on weekends and bring our dog with me.
After three months of Elaine staying there and me coming down on weekends, the stress got so bad between my wife and I. You see, Elaine is 71 years old and she was taking care of Barbs whole house. There are four in the family, Barb, her husband (Jeff) daughter (Kristin age 21) and son (Jeffery age 17). She looked like she was 90 years old. This was killing my wife. Well after three months had gone by, Barb went back to work, so Elaine decided to come home and we would go down on weekends. This lasted till 1/10/16 when Barb passed away.
When my wife came home, I was relieved that she could rest and try to get back to somewhat of a normal life. Well that did not happen. From the minute and I mean minute Elaine walked in the door I was accused of having an affair. I could not believe my ears. Her reasoning was she found Cialis in my bureau drawer. After her throwing this at me I showed her that it was a sample with my name written on it. The funny part of it was, Elaine was the one that picked it up at the doctors office. By the way our doctor not only wrote my name on the box but the date 1/16/2012. Four years before we moved to the mountains.
That was the end of that session. But two weeks later she told me my girlfriend stole five pair of her jeans from the closet. I could go on an on about the accusations but to name just a few. Cigarette butts found in the street meant my girlfriend was standing there watching the house. I was told while we where both out shopping together that there was blood on our mattress pad. When we got home the blood had disappeared. Now remember we never left each others side.
I won’t bore you with more details because there is over 50 accusations made. None of which were true.
Anyway last week a new neighbor moved in and you guessed it I was having an affair with her.
Well two days ago she left me, drained our bank accounts of over $125,000. Leaving me not only with my wife of 52 years but without a penny.
I can’t do this anymore. As much as I love her I want it all to end. I can’t stand the pain. I sit here and look at a bottle of pills the doctor gave us for depression and can’t stop thinking this would end my pain. I was a strong willed man all my life, a rough and tumble construction worker. Well I am a broken man now. She broke me and took my will to live.
Dear married 52 years:
I've read your letter carefully, several times. It's clear to me that your life, as you've always lived it, has changed so radically, that now, you don't seem to be able to find the strength to carry on.
However, suicide is a mistake. It's such a serious mistake that you can’t ever make up or atone for it. If you do it, you'll be forever remembered as the one who gave up, the one who couldn’t hack it, the one who quit.
I'd like to suggest that there's a better course of action. Before you do anything drastic, please call 1-800-273-8255. You’ll be connected to a skilled, trained counselor at a crisis center in your area, anytime 24/7. I believe that after the call, you'll find the resources to do the things that have to be done.
You should contact legal aid in your area to help you file for divorce and have the court return to you your share of the money that your wife took.
I'm going to leave it at this for now but I do care, so if you like, you can write to me again anytime.
I'm stuck in cyprus pafos with no money to get home I've ask relatives but they don't want to lend me the money, I had money robbed out of the apartment I was staying in and all I want to do is get home I have no money for food or transport
Destitute U.S. citizens in need of help overseas should contact the nearest U.S. embassy or consulate or the U.S. Department of State, Office of Overseas Citizens Services, at (888) 407-4747 (or from overseas +1 202-501-4444), for information about other assistance options and eligibility requirements.
I like drawing but I've never drawn fanart. You see I usually draw landscapes, animals, and people who's appearances I've thought up. That's easier because it doesn't have to look a certain way or I can have any photo right in front of me. But I want to draw the Percy Jackson charecters:
- Percy
- Anmabeth
- Nico
- Frank
- Hazel
- Leo
- Piper
- Jason
And possibly Calypso and Will. Here's the thing I have no idea how! I'll have to go by the descriptions in the book, and for some charecters that's very vague. For example, Hazel is black with brown eyes is all I know! Piper is a native American so she probably has tan skin, black hair and brown eyes. What's a good way to get pictures off the internet I can draw them all based on?
The Riordan Wikia has some animations that may spur your imagination. http://riordan.wikia.com/wiki/Category:Characters
I've been going through a recent complicated break-up. The thing is I kinda rejected him because I want to get my life back together first before being in a committed relationship. I wasn't able to offer my heart back in return to this guy who loved me so purely because I got scared that the moment I say 'yes' we'd be in a really serious relationship. And the thought of being in a serious relationship scared me. I got scared and I made a stupid mistake by talking to it with another guy friend. And it almost felt like I cheated on him, he felt like I cheated. And now he's not in love with me anymore and that it's impossible for us to be together again. Which hurt so bad.
I know all of that's kinda convoluted, but long story short, I'm hurt because I hurt the one guy who's never done anything but love me so purely and see the best in me by being a stupid and weak girl. What if he's the one for me, what if I blew the chance to be with my soulmate? What if I never meet anyone who will love me as much as he did? I can't get over the pain and the loneliness no matter what I do.
I know I've made a mistake too. But I'm not aiming to get back together with him, because he's already said it's impossible. Now he just wants to be friends with me because he knows we're really close and he doesn't want to lose that and he said that I don't deserve to be abandoned completely. What should I do to get over him and forgive myself? I'm really sorry it was really long. Thank you to anyone who will help.
Dear Getting over a guy:
Let me see if I can un-convolute this complicated break-up a bit.
The mistake that you made is blaming yourself. Just because you can't return his love in the same measure that he loves you. It isn't your fault and you didn't blow the chance to be with your soulmate. You absolutely did the right thing in following your intuition. Whatever the reason is, this just wasn't the thing for you to do right now.
Judging from the way he responded, he's merely in the first stage of love anyway, which is only desire and is dominated by the sex hormones. It's OK to be friends with him, his focus will soon change to another and you'll be able to be happy with him.
You'll definitely know when you've met your soulmate. Neither of you will be able to think about anything else to the point of even forgetting to eat and sleep. You'll feel like You're winning a prize when you're with him and you'll feel torment when you're apart.
My advice is for you to to sit down and rethink this whole matter and rid yourself of the guilt.
So my friend got a boyfriend about almost a year ago and he's her first boyfriend. I've never had a boyfriend but I've had friends who've had boyfriends in the past and they've never acted like she does, I know all people are different but she's over the top. So last year before she got her boyfriend we used to hangout outside of school, went to the amusement park, movies etc. Then when he came along we all did the same things just with him there, as their relationship began to become longer they would basically be joined at the hip with each other, and don't even bother to invite anyone else out with them anymore. Last summer she basically blew me off the whole time to hangout with him, no exaggeration he was at her house everyday, his family and her family even went to her family cottage and stayed out for a good week. Then when I asked her to have a girls night she "completely forgot" and cancelled the next day she hung out with her boyfriend. In the summer time she would only call me if her boyfriend and her were in a fight, or if she just wanted to talk about him. I finally had enough with the way she was treating me so instead of calling her out I told her that I won't be replying to her phone because I was going on vacation. Two days later she went to the movies with our other friend without her boyfriend and when I texted her "thanks for the invite" she said "didn't you say you were on vacation" I got so pissed off because the whole summer I tried to hangout with her, I always picked her phone calls when she would cry about her boyfriend, I always listened to her when she wanted to talk about him and to simply hangout she's "busy" but I didn't get mad at her for going to the movies because the friend she went with, she kind of ditched her party so she was making it up to her by going to the movies with her. So now school comes back and she hangs out with me at lunch and guess what? All she talks about to me is her boyfriend, when I try to change the subject she brings it back to her boyfriend, sometimes when I'm not there I catch her at lunch waiting by her boyfriends classroom for his class to finish. i know they're a couple but I honestly think they need some space away from each other and I don't even wanna talk about how he treats her but let's just say she cries at least twice every two weeks. Also now that's its October the amusement park has this Halloween thing so she texted me the whole month of September saying we were going to go and the beginning of October so I was all set cause we went last year, so I texted her today to confirm when we were going and you know what she said "I went yesterday with my boyfriend". So now I'm done trying cause she obviously doesn't care or she's too blinded by love to see she's pushing away from her friends. What can I do to make her see that she has prioritize between her boyfriend and friends? My other friends could do it why can't she? before you say "try becoming friends with her boyfriend you might like him" I'm already friends with him and he doesn't seem as clingy as she is to him, when I talk to him he never brings her up but when I talk to her he's brought up under 10 seconds.
Dear Friend,
You're absolutely right, it hurts to be ignored and rejected, She shouldn't do this. I hope that you're being gracious and that it hasn't caused bitter feelings.
As there isn't anything that you can do to make a positive change, you should forgive, forget and move toward the background. These situations can change at any time so, be ready for possible overtures from her.
See if you can fill the void your friend left with an expanded horizon of different people and activities...Grandfather.
P.S. please let me know of any developments.
Things have been bland for me lately. At my current age and location I'm unable to work, get a license, or attempt to get my GED. For the next six months I'll be sitting all day every day in my home as I've done for the last five years. Even when I'm of legal age, I'll have no means of getting a ride to a job, and my parents say they don't want me working. This means no saving up for anything; even college.
Besides that, there's also the problem of not having anything to do during the day. Every day it's eat, sleep, study or play games. I feel so sheltered and frustrated sometimes, but what can I do? I don't have friends to see, and going places takes money that we don't have. Times like this make me wish I was in public school, just to have somewhere to go, but then I remember I have no confidence.
What else is left to do when all I can do is lose count of the weeks I haven't been outside?
Dear Home-schooled,
One of the problems with home-schooling is that it's too sheltering and you're sacrificing the personal, people interactions at a public school, that's every bit as important as the scholastic.
However, we've to to go with what you've got right now.
The premise for your question isn't quite right, you actually can do each and everything that you said that you can't. For example, the GED can be taken online and without cost. Look it up.
To cut to the heart of your problem, I'll have to say, it's your attitude. In truth, you can do anything at all that you can possibly conceive. You just must believe in yourself enough to do it.
As you have an abundance of free time that your now squandering, step out of the house, if you're physically able and visit your neighbors and explain that you need funds for college and you'll do any chore, for a reasonable fee. If there are businesses close enough to walk to, go in and say the same thing. Don't be afraid. Everyone admires and respects industry in young people.
Now, here's some help to keep yourself upbeat: Always act with a purpose. Stretch yourself past your limits every day. Take action without expecting results. Use setbacks to improve your skills. Seek out those who share your positive attitude. Don't take yourself so seriously. Forgive the limitations of others. Say "thank you" more frequently.
Here's a great website that'll give you more. Study it: http://www.goal-setting-guide.com/5-effective-ways-to-improve-attitude-right-now/
Write to me anytime, I'll be here for you...Grandfather.
I'm a white cisgender homosexual female. White racism isn't real, cisphobia isn't real, misandry isn't real, and heterophobia isn't real. Were white people enslaved and segregated for decades and still get killed in hate crimes? Nope. Do cisgenders get an increased risk of being bullied, suicidal, or killed? Nope. Did heterosexuals get burned and prevented from being married and have people insult them for holding hands in public, or people call things they don't like "straight"? Nope. Do rich people starve on the streets and have no clothes or water and need to work their ass off? Nope. Did males ever get sold into sexual slavery, rights taken away, pushed from science careers? Nope. It makes no sense to me these people who had everything handed to them on a golden platter with a silver spoon in their mouth already with a head start in life feel opressed. Why?
Dear why do?:
I'm so awfully sorry that it's taken so long for me to answer your question. My wife is in the hospital.
I'm glad that you wrote and I hope that this catharsis has helped you. I sense that you may have been in tears with frustration as you wrote it.
I suppose that I represent an example of of a white cisgender, rich heterosexual male, so, I hope I'm qualified in your eyes to present what I believe is a generic answer to your question.
In general, we don't have even a basic understanding of the issues you write about. So, education is the solution. However, there are a good number of us, who are are a part of the solution. Bernie Sanders and Bill Clinton come to mind and there are others, with more joining ranks daily.
You and others in the category you write of, represent a drastically different new age, where values are so radically different, that many view the issue in terms of being bad or evil, instead of just what is. The worst of it occurs when individuals are maltreated merely for being themselves.
The best way to present the issues is by personal example, demonstrating understanding when in the company of those who lack it. You definitely must have a willingness to enter into dialogue in a rational and unemotional manner, presenting facts in the face of prejudice while maintaining a calm and pleasant demeanor.
I'm again sorry. While there's much more I'd like to write, I must leave you now. If you wish to continue this discussion, please do so by marking your reply to the personal attention of: Grandfather.
No one is giving me the support I want n it been so hard 2 me because I haven't tell anyone how I fell
Dear I need help:
I'm so sorry that you only feel comfortable giving me only the barest skeleton of a question for me to advise you on. My first suggestion would be to ask you compose a more detailed description of the problem and then send it to me.
Everyone finds themselves in a bad place once in a while. We all get frustrated and because of the pain and negativity we're feeling, we fail to act and relate to others in a positive way. Unfortunately, it's rare for anyone to sympathize with or help people when they need it most.
The general rule for support is that most people will support others when they feel secure that others will support them.
Please take you time and flesh out the problem. Use a full page or two and I'll do my best to suggest solutions to you. I'm nearly 76 years old so, I've seen, heard or experienced almost everything. Alright! See ya!