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Should i be friend with him or not ?
im girl 17,i told my classmate(boy) who is also my crush in the concrete i gave him a note, saying i like him..two days later, i asked him to talk about it bc he didnt give any respond and i wanted to how he feels ,during school,i asked him if we could go and talk somewhere private , he said it is nice that i told him about my feelings for him,he also told me that he know how hard it must´ve been for me to hide my feelings from him.then he said he doesnt have time for relationship bc he has activites besides school (he plays guitar, he dances)and also he told me he firstly wants to develop more spiritually..(if that makes sense) bc we go to catholic church ,and then he hugged me saying that we should continue to be friends and then i deleted him from my friends on fb during summer holidays bc i was always checking if he is online.now is new school year and he found out i removed him from my friends on fb, and he texted me why i did that, and if he did something wrong he is sorry , i told him i did it bc it hurts me and that i dont want to be friends, and he said it´s ok, i thought it would hurt less, but it hurts me more ,now i ignore him bc i dont know how to act to him..he sent me friend request on fb but i didnt accept it yet..he was good friend to me before i told him about my feelings..please help me should i be his friend again or not? if yes what should i tell him,why i suddenly accepted his friend request on fb,and also today is his birthday, should i wish him happy birthday even i removed him from my friends??..thanks for help :)
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Sorry I might be late on this but I think you should stay friends. I mean even though it hurt he rejected you technically he didn't really do anything wrong he was just being honest and you know sometimes the truth hurts. But obviously if he was a good enough person for you to have a crush on and he hasn't done anything to ruin that reputation as a good person then I think you should tell him that at least you have him buy something in your life instead of the awkwardmess of nothing. Yes he may have hurt but either way it's going to hurt and if you just drop somebody for not feeling the same way about you and being honest about it it's not gonna do you any good and is not going to heal any quicker. You need to take some time and realize that maybe it's not gonna work and maybe it will work Monday because technically he didn't say he was into you he was just focus on more important things in his life. Maybe if you become friends and you can show him that you can be a part of that list of important things I think you should continue the friendship and if he questioned you just say how you feel so you thought it through and you realize that you still want him in your life even though it wasn't how you had planned in your head
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He doesn't want the same thing you want. It will be easier for you, for your self-esteem and for you to be able to get over him if you cut off all communication with him and move on. He doesn't want to be rejected as a friend because he feels guilty for saying no but that's what he wanted to say. Accept that he doesn't want what you want and don't take it personally. That's lesson number at your age and it's a big one! Time to move on.
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If you are ready to accept him only as your friend and if you are ready not to expect anything from him than you should be friend and also you can accept his friend request. Treat him like you treat your other friends. But if you are not able to do that or you still have feelings for him and you expect that one day he will love you than my advice is stay away from him.Stop day dreaming about him and accept the reality. And believe me you are too young for all this complication. Just live your life and wait for the right person.
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It sounds to me like the guy was really upfront and honest about the way he handled you telling him about the crush. He could have been very deceptive, led you on never meaning it to be a long relationship, etc etc. You get the picture? So I'm assuming a relationship (which does take a good deal of time commitment) just isn't on the cards for him right now. There's 'stuff he wants/needs to do' and it won't fit around a girlfriend. It's not you he has rejected (as you might say) but 'girlfriends'. Clearly your feelings were and are strong, and deleting contact is understandable when you are spending lots of time looking him up on line etc. It only hurts you more. I definitely do not think you should cut off contact with him, and he seems upset because you have. Thinking he's done something to offend you. I imagine he doesn't think it was the fact that he 'turned you down' (in effect). He believes that has all been 'processed' already? Stay friends for sure. He's still regarding your feelings, obviously. More than some guys respect and regard their actual girlfriend's feelings! Who knows? Many a solid relationship has emerged when the situation becomes more suitable. Many a life-long and very strong girl-guy relationship exists between people who were never lovers in the physical sense. Obviously, avoid the close monitoring and/or strong signals/conversations that you want the full-on relationship. Don't wish your life away. And of course, if a really great guy happens to appear don't pass him by. Let's say this guy is a sound, likeable guy. There 'in the background'. Stay friendly, and in touch. Keeping it light and friendly. Who would want to guess at or predict what the future holds? Not me, ever! If you cut him dead then you've effectively taken a good guy (even just a great-friend good-guy) out of your life. We need good guys and good girls around us. You just can't have too many! Best of luck mate.
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A healthy relationship will not always start off just as that. It all starts with friendship and if you want him then be his friend. Something similar happened to me but it turns out that he's just a really nice guy even thought I really thought he liked me. You need to take a breather because you are a big girl now and writing notes is kinda unacceptable. Just lay back and be cool about it, make him think you don't care anymore because that is what really gets them. I hope I helped.
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I'm sorry for the late response. Talk to him and tell him were upset. He cares about you and it's anxious that you still care. I think that you had a right to be disappointed. However , your friend was being honest he wouldn't have the time to give you the attention that you deserve at least he was honest and took into consideration that maybe it's best that you both should remain friends. Maybe in the future you both can date. I'm sorry for the late reply . I hope this helps.
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hi if i am to be completely honest with you only you can answer this question.
but i know from previous experience yes it hard to tell a friend you have strong feelings for them.
deleting him from facebook would have been a short term solution but if it stopped you from checking his facebook every 5 mins then well done for finding away to prevent you from doing so.
the real question you need to ask yourself is do you want to be friends with hims still? if yes what you waiting for? go get your friend back, and apologise for being odd you just need to get your head around things. if you don't want to be friends with him then you need to cut contact with him.
it sounds like you do want to be friends with this guy so i would put whats happened in the past and go get your friend back.
i hope this has helped you
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Well if you cannot find it possible to focus your attention on anything else outside of him, or try to be social with other people, then it could help to reestablish contact with him. Can simply tell him you miss being friends and you want to be able to move passed this, sorry about cutting ties before but you just needed to know if moving on would be easier that way, it wasn't, and you wish to try moving on while remaining friends. So if you are going to contact him again, then yes, wish him a happy birthday, a good chance to start talking. Good luck!
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well this is a tough one, but think you should accept and talk to him few times or so and let know you care about him but it will not be same as before and move on knowing you will find better cause obviously dont return feelings for some odd reason you will find better, i know from experience. sorry late reply you should wish him a happy birthday as i promise the pain will dissapear
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Hi!
Okay firstly wish him happy birthday. Dont be bitter about it x
I think accept his request and send him a message saying youre sorry and if you can meet him to talk. If you do that and you meet him, explain to him the real reason you did what you did. But dont meet onhis birthday to do this because if things dont go well then its a bad birthday. Dont be bitter about him not wanting to date you or anything, try be mature about it when you talk. Because if he doesnt like you like that, you cant be mad at him about it its not his fault. Dont let a crush get in the way of a friendship, ive made that mistake before and its not a good one. Fix it before its to late.
Let me know if you take my advice and how things go. Goodluck.
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You can be friends with him only if you have no more feelings left for him, if you still have feelings for him, then its better not to be friends again. otherwise in the end you will be the one who will be hurt tremendously. Its clear that he has no feelings for you.
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Dear girl 17:
Yes, you should be his friend. He's a great guy who just isn't available right now.
If he questions you, say something like: "you're a good guy, I like you."
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Yesss wish him a happy bday although you may have a crush he was being really polite and said he doesnt have time .also ya both are really young so its always good to wait to when the time is right. If he asks you whats the change of heart say you just things happen :)
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I think you should continue to be his friend, tell him that you got scared and that the feeling aren't going to go away, so he going to have to deal with it. Maybe someday you guys will end up together so you shouldn't cut out that possibility. His birthday is the perfect time to come back into his life even showing some tears will show him that you care.
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Liking someone is very difficult. And it is difficult to express feelings to someone. So props on that. I do think he is trying to be your friend at least so I would add him back. It's better to be friends then nothing at all.
Him wanting to find himself spiritually is completely normal at this age. And you should sup port him in his process. It's nice to hear a happy birthday from friends I haven't talked to in a while
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You are both ambivalent. As I understand it, your only reason to avoid him rather than remaining friends, is to flee the pain of his rejection of you for more intimate relationship. So either choice, to remain friends or to avoid him, are both hurtful and wrong for you. Thus instead of remaining so trapped, I present three strategies for improving your circumstances. These strategies may all be appliquéd separately or concurrently together. Exclusivity is questionable to begin with. But exclusivity to someone unattainable, only means joining him at perpetual arm's length in chastity. So maybe you should look for other people. Is it really good for either of you, to let him keep you on hold, and begin simply taking you for granted? He doesn't want to lose you. He cannot serve two masters. Competition may open his eyes. If not, you may find someone else. Either way, you will be happier. His only real reason for keeping distance, is his Catholic sexual guilt and shame. That's why he keeps himself so busy! To win him over, there are two more strategies: One is seduction. It often works wonders! But there is also risk. The second option, perhaps even more dangerous, is to make him think: Tell him you read a story (the one I am about to tell you). Ask him to imagine standing before his Maker, declaring: "Oh Lord, I have remained chaste!" To which God answers: "Fool! I gave you the chance at happiness! The Devil invented chastity." Challenge the entire divine commandment theory of morality: Does morality come from God, or is even God bound by morality? If sins are bad only because God says so, than that is completely arbitrary. But if God the all knowing and ever truthful, forbids sins because indeed they are evil to begin with, then does faith demand blind obedience, or does conscience demand curiosity to understand why? The divine commandment theory only uses God to sidestep morality entirely. Next advance in the alternative, the rights and harm theory of morality, which states: For an act to ne morally wrong, said act must accomplish two things: To be immoral, an act must 1) violate another's rights and 2) it must do harm. Ask him to apply those criteria to that which you both so yearn for: As long as you take proper precautions and contingencies, then what harm? Are you not within your rights? Would he truly recommend, much less impose, chastity upon everyone, or only upon himself? Remind him that we all grow and change, gaining perspective upon life questions: Quote for him 1 Corinthians 13: 11 When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. He knows that you are ready. Perhaps, really, so is he. He needs to understand that loneliness and chastity are actually becoming unhealthy and suffering, harmful for each of you. If he cares for you, he needs to understand in his heart, how unhappy you are. He needs to come to terms with his sexuality, sooner or later.
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Did he mention that he had feelings for you or just said 'no time for relationships'? If he didn't mention any feelings and he said that, then yeah.. it's rejection. He just wants to be friends. He acknowledged your effort and gave you two reasons why he wouldn't go out with you.
If he only noticed you removed him from Facebook because of the new school year. I think that's another sign.
You can only be good friends if you don't have feelings. You can't expect him to like you back if you decide to be friends online again. If you can't let that go then don't re-add him. You don't want to keep checking when he's online and whatnot. You can say happy birthday if you want but I wouldn't go past that.
If you decide to re-add then I don't think you need to explain why you did.
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Hello, I am Pavel 20 years old, from Russia. I fully understand your feelings and I know how hard it might be when someone doesn't really share your feelings.
I think you need to know what kind of relationship you want to have with him in the future and get to know his take on that.
Try to understand if you're ready to develop your spirituality to stay with him... (if that makes any sense to you right now).
If you can't understand him or work on some values he might like in you, then I think it's for your best to just move on.
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Your male friend is very considerate, and emotionally intelligent. I’m sorry to say, but “He’s just not that into you”.
You need not to get hung up on him, and consider other boys, because he’s been very clear that he’s not interested in more than friendship. If you keep wanting more, it’s just going to hurt you, and destroy any chance you have of friendship with him.
Removing him from FaceBook is not a good move. It sends him a bad message. Either you can’t handle being just his friend, or worse, he may think you dislike him. He noticed, which is good, so he obviously values you as a friend. You need to decide if you’re able to be friends with him, without more, or if you can’t deal with that, in which case, do what he’s allowing you to, and just disconnect from him completely.
One thing that I feel is important in your circumstances is to consider how much experience you have dating different people.
I had a crush on a girl in primary school that I carried into high school, and only ended up telling her a long time after.
When you’re not in a relationship with someone, it’s very hard to understand them well. You can have strong feelings for someone based on your fantasy of who they are, but it has very little grounding in who that person really is.
Please take a moment to honestly consider. Are you in love with him, or are you in love with the-man-in-your-mind?
If you decide you’re able to be friends, sure, wish him a happy birthday. If not, don’t intrude on his life, it will be better for the both of you.
Good luck
~Silentone
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