Ask queenhearts!

Advice Column | Ask a Question | View Feedback | facebook.

About queenhearts



I'm Crissy!
I've been a featured user 3+ times already.

I'm an artist, bookworm, model, photographer & aspiring hair colorist. I love makeup, crafts, DIY [clothes, hats & jewelry], crocheting, singing, drawing, food, J-horror films & video games.


I've been on AN for 5 years now. I'm really open minded and I usually give more than one option to choose from.:] When you witness a lot of drama from others and experienced it yourself, you pretty much know how to deal with it.



Drop any question in my inbox and I'll answer it the best that I can. You can even email me at crissymaciel@gmail.com! (considering I don't go on this site often.) I DO get email notifications of questions in my inbox though.

******6/06/09: THANK YOU TO WHOEVER PAID TO UPGRADE MY ACCOUNT!!! I LOVE YE~! lol I'll try to participate a lot more, but you could always EMAIL me. I check it multiple times daily! :]

******2/03/10: Yes, you can email me! :D




Ask Me For Advice
View Feedback
Make Favorite Columnist

Website: facebook.
E-mail: crissymaciel@gmail.com
Gender: Female
Location: USA
Occupation: Photographer
Age: 21
Member Since: April 23, 2005
Answers: 1391
Last Update: January 23, 2013
Visitors: 46093


Main Categories:
Love Life
General Sex Questions
Random Weirdos
View All

Favorite Columnists
karenR

Advicenators.com



So in one of my classes I sit by a girl who's very quiet. She never starts conversations, and other people know her as a mute.

I always start the conversations even when we're told to work in our pairs. So today I tested her just to see if she would actually initiate conversation instead of me. She didn't.

I'm shy myself, but I overcome this to get on with people. I mean she doesn't even TRY-including never answering class and having no friends in the class despite my best efforts to befriend her.

What should I do to get her to talk?!

I don't know if she's an actual mute or selective. Just don't bug her. If she's not smiling, laughing or looking in your direction, then you are making her UNCOMFORTABLE and you need to back off.

If she's known as a mute, then you are definitely not the first person to try to get to know her. Which is starting conversation, trying to test her or those stupid "you talk too much" jokes.

Some people just do not want to speak. It may be anxiety related or they have nothing to say. It sounds like it could be a social disorder to me. It's fine if she doesn't want to talk or participate in class. It's what she is comfortable with.

You can try writing her a note and see if she'll respond. If she doesn't then still be friendly but don't try to "get" her to talk. That's not cool.

You may think you are making loads of effort to be friends with her but have you even considered that you are actually bothering her? Maybe she doesn't want to be your friend or you are giving her anxiety and unwanted attention. Or both. Not everyone wants to overcome shyness.

I'm not trying to be mean but if that's one of your goals for that class then you are probably not viewed as a nice person in her mind.

Try notes instead and see if you can get a respond. I don't know if it'll be an immediate respond or pass her a folded note so she could read it later. It's all about comfort. The more you try to force your way in, the more closed off she will become.




- A selective mute who has been through it all.

[view]


This is a question for anyone who has/is taking birth control pills and has a good knowledge about them.

I have been taking birth control for about 5 months now and this is my first time trying "the trick" to skipping a period. You know, you're supposed to go from 1 pack to the next pack without using the placebo pills/fake pills. Well here's my problem.. I didn't take the next pack right away.. I waited 2 days and then started the next pack. My period doesn't start until the 2nd placebo pill day. So my question is.. is this alright if I didn't start the next pack right away? since my period doesn't actually start until then.

I'm also very confused (as this is my first time skipping a period with birth control) on where to start from now. I called my nurse and she said I have to start new wherever i start taking the pill again.

Here's my example- I usually start the pill week on mondays. So I just finished my 3rd week of pills and now its time to get my period. Well since I don't get my period until wednesday, I waited until wednesday to start that new pack. Now where do I start now? You know how the birth control pack has those little stickers you can stick on that say the days of the week so you know where to start? well do I start wednesday now? or monday as usual? I took 2 pills already today (i took the monday and tuesday one) and so does that mean i take the wednesday and thursday one tomorrow (thursday)??

I'm just so confused on where to start now. please help! thank you!

You'll want to avoid waiting and just go ahead with taking your next pack. Sometimes you either skip it or get a lighter version/spotting.

Take the next pill. I honestly don't bother with the stickers. It's just important to take it daily.

[view]


in about a week me and my boyfriends one year is happaning... so what should i get him because he said hes gonnna get me somthing :l...
btw were 16 (nothing over 100$)

You should be forward and ask him what he wants. It shouldn't have to be a guessing game at your age. You know him better than anyone here :) If you know what he likes then get ideas from that. The usual stuff. Interests, hobbies. Games, bands, etc. But asking him will show him how interested you are in getting him a gift. You can set a money limit and ask him to look something up. If you don't have much cash then explain that.

[view]


Hey! I'm a fifteen year old girl, sophomore. My boyfriend is a seventeen year old boy, junior. We've been dating for three months but we've been friends for years. Okay the thing is, I'm a girl that's extremely attracted to the athletic kind of guys, and really turned off by laziness... That's just my type I guess. My boyfriend is fit and active and plays football and baseball. Butttt... he's recently decided he wants to quit baseball. He says he just doesn't want to play this year. Is it bad that I WANT him to play?? Because I do... It's just thats part of why I'm attracted to him I thought that was part of who he was and I dunno I feel like it's really shallow but I just want him to play. And I don't know what to do because it's actually bothering me... I don't know how to get it across to him that I don't think he should quit but ugh I don't know what else to do... It's not completely shallow reasoning though. Two years ago I quit soccer (my reasons were a little different though I quit so I could join a more time consuming competitive cheer squad) but I really really miss soccer. I thought I didn't want to do it anymore but I still wish I could have done both. I've told him this but he sounds pretty set. My third reason is... I'm worried that when he has nothing to do and when I'm going to be really busy with cheerleading that he's going to get super demanding of my time. Baseball workouts are just about to start too so I can't put off this problem... What shoudl I do??

Right what you have there is what you should explain to him.

I'll have to agree and say that I'll like my SO to be focused on something. Whether it's physical or not. I am not attracted to laziness because I have been like that in the past (going nowhere basically) and want my SO to have the same goals/motivation to further motivate me.

What i mean is to tell him that you quit soccer and that you missed it. Maybe he would to with baseball. If he doesn't want to do it, you should accept it and push him to towards another hobby. What does he like? What does he do?

I don't think he would be too demanding if he knew you had cheer leading related things to do. I think he would be more understanding since he's in sports and such.

Is he only quitting baseball? If he's pursuing football you should support him :)

[view]


when a guy looks at you and smiles and then looks down and smiles?

Honestly?
It can be mean anything.
Maybe he got caught staring at you and is embarrassed. Maybe he thinks you're attractive or something. But the fact that he looked down, just makes me think he got 'caught' for staring. You can make whatever you want of it but you'll never know for sure if you don't attempt to make conversation with him. Smile back and say hi.

[view]



Please don't answer if you are just going to tell me stupid **** okay? Because quite frankly, I don't care.

Well, I've only been high a handful of times but whenever I do I don't like it at all. When I get high all I want to do is go to sleep so when I wake up the feeling will be gone.. because I don't like it. Now, I wish it didn't affect me like this. I wish I could enjoy it but I can't. I just get really tired. How can I make it more enjoyable? Or is this how it will always affect me?

Should I just stick to drinking? Because when I drink I actually have fun..

I used to smoke and enjoy it but now I don't. I don't like the feeling. You can either enjoy it and hang out funny people or not. It might be easy to like it when you're in the right situation. You shouldn't be previously tired. Sometimes it can't be helped. Maybe you need to try something else.

More than half of the times for me, I ended up eating right after just to end it.

You might just be one of those people that don't like being high. Being high and drunk are completely two different feelings.
Just do what you feel is right for you but be safe about it.

Have you tried drinking (getting drunk/tipsy) than smoking?

[view]


So today I decided to be spontaneous (bad idea) and attempt to go blond. I have med/dark brown hair. I ended up at the drug store and came back with Loreal Super Blonde... its a bleach. So I did everything according to the instructions and when all was said and done, most of my hair ended up a light brown which looks pretty nice, but the top of my head (probably 2 inches from each side of my scalp) is a horrid yellow/orange. I know the typical piece of advice would be for me to seek professional help. But honestly, I do not have the money for that right now. I've contemplated 2 options: using a blond dye over everything and hoping for the best... or just re-dying it my natural color, or almost black. Would black do the trick? I am helpless. Thanks a bunch!

Your roots are new and will lift quickly compared to your ends.

You got this far. I wouldn't waste the effort with going back dark.

Do you have pictures?

You can attempt to bleach your roots again but leave it on until it's a lighter yellow/blonde. To be safe you can wash it out and blow/air dry. Then bleach the rest of your hair to get to the same shade.

You should buy a toner :) A purple/blue will take out yellow/orange tones. You put it on as if it were shampoo and let it soak in then wash out. I know beauty supply stores carry $3-4 "packets" of toner, bleach, hair treatments, etc.

If your hair is damaged then look into a cheap protein shampoo. Use this 1-2 times a week and your hair will be soft.

[view]


I don't know what to do with him! I found out from my bff that my bf made a facebook group thing about our relationshp. I went and red a few things on it and it is personal and nothing anybody should know but us so I told him I knew he had a secret he was keeping from me but not what it was so he would tell me or something but he didn't. i kinda thought that he posted stuff and didn't think it was bad and I wanted to give him chances to say so but he just said he didnt have no secrets so i went back to read the rest and he had made it private only so now it is hidden from me.

I guess what I am asking is if he didn't think this was wrong why did he hide it when i found out? He still denies everything and now i got no proof because i cant see it anymore!!! i have been crying about this and i feel betrayed like he has a secret life on facebook or something! should i stay with him if he isn't going to be honest and still hides things?

Sorry if this is too long!

That sounds quite odd. He didn't admit to a thing because you had no evidence to back you up. The fact that it is now hidden just says it all. A facebook group is ridiculous and he shouldn't be writing about personal bits of your relationship. What did he write that was personal. Was it bad?

If he doesn't own up to it then that's an issue. He shouldn't announce on a public group (maybe?) About what goes on in your relationship without your consent. It makes matters worse that you pointed out a secret and now it's private.

Honesty is so important in a relationship.
If he can't open up to you and admit to what he did then you need to have a serious talk about the future with him.



Is it still private to your bff?

[view]


you stated you refuse to have sex? for what reasons and why? during marriage? are you catholic?

Where was this stated?
I'm not a virgin or religious.

[view]


F/15 . I'm pretty skinny. Weight :120. Height :5'6.
But I eat like crazy. I could eat 2 breakfast burritos for breakfast ,nachos for lunch ,chips during the day ,Mcdonalds after school ,and pizza for dinner . So theres obviously a problem . . . maybe even an eating disorder? Anyways I've recently become VERY worried about gaining weight.

So basicly I just need help with some kind of healthy foods. Does anyone know anythinq I could replace these foods with? Because I can't really think of any.

Please & Thank-you.

You have normal weight and even if you gained a few pounds, it would still be normal. :]

Have cereal or a bowl of fruit for breakfast. Yogurt, orange juice, etc.

Eat whatever you want for lunch and dinner.


You can't expect yourself to cut out food that you enjoy. Eating healthier is a lifestyle. It takes time to get the hang of it. It's like saying you won't have dessert or chips again. In moderation it's okay but for example, eating fast food every day for a month wouldn't be. Take your age in consideration. You are still young and growing, you need meals and snacks. You don't want to turn into bones. Just because you eat food that's high in fat doesn't mean you will gain weight. You sound like you have a high metabolism and your body may need the junk food.

I have a friend who has a high metabolism like me that went vegan and she looks sickly thin. If you decide to cut back into certain foods, you should take vitamins too.

You should go to a library and look into some cookbooks. There's really good healthy meals to make and not so healthy but still delicious meals. :P

[view]


im very bad at gifts.. my boyfriend and i have ben going out for a year and a half and his 16th birthday is in a few days then valintines day. idk what to get him for either day? he likes guitars, drums, concerts, metal music, making music, cooking, that type of stuff any ideas?

Oh wow, my boyfriend's birthday is close to V-day too. Gifts are kind of difficult sometimes.

BDAY:
Band t-shirts are the easiest.
CDs
Live concert DVDs
Guitar strings (assuming he has a guitar)
Guitar tuner (^^ if he doesn't have one already)

V-DAY:
You can be cute about it.
Card & Teddy bear.
Cook a small dinner for two!

[view]


16/f
i went out with my ex for 2 years, i loved him ALOT. we broke up because he moved (bad relationship of him cheating) .. a year later i have a new boyfriend, on the 13th we will be together for 4 months. I know i like him but sometimes i have no desire to cuddle with him. he say's i have a wall blocked up for me to fall in love with him because im scared i'll be hurt again. i honestly dont know what it is. im very laid back

It is a wall. It takes time to open up again. It's been a year but cheating is pretty serious and you had time to put that in your past. You didn't rush into a new relationship after, right? You just sound scared. Have you talked to your boyfriend about it?

Not feeling passion and feeling it just depends on your mood. Everyone has off days. Sometimes I'm not in a mood to cuddle or make out but other days I am.

Every relationship is different. It's a risk you are willing to take when you get into one. But since it IS different, you should trust that person until they give you a reason not to.



[view]


15/f

theres a girl at my school who i used to be good friends with at the beginning of the year. its my first year at a new school, so i was making friends. one day, she decided to flip on me, and cuss at me, calling me all these horrible names and trying to offend me. although, it didnt bother me too much, just the fact that she was picking on me. it stopped for a little while, and i talked to other people, and just made more friends. yesterday she writes on my facebook wall accusing me of telling another girl that she was talking bad about her. when i NEVER did such a thing. i have no reason too, why should i talk about someone who i have no desire to like? but, then today, she keeps bringing it up and calling me all these rude things. im friends with a lot of her friends, so i sit with her at lunch. not next to her of course. i know i shouldnt be scared to stick up for myself, but i am, and im usually not like this. if she says something to me in school tomorrow, should i say something back, or just ignore it? people tell me to ignore it, which is what i did for the first time it happened, and it seemed to go away, but, i dont want her thinking im super nice and will let her walk all over me. when she was rude to me over facebook, i was rude back. i think its just when im in person.

anyone have any ideas or advice on what i should do about this situation? please dont say "be friends" because we both really dont like eachother, but this whole thing is about something so pointless.

I say ignore her for the most part. If you decide to speak up for yourself, be calm about it. If you did nothing wrong then you don't have anything to prove. She's doing it for a reaction which you shouldn't give her. Girls can be vicious.

I wouldn't bother with her anymore. Hang out with anyone and don't acknowledge her.

By not responding doesn't give an appearance of "I let people walk all over me" That's not how I would view it. It just makes me think that you don't care what she has to say and you're not going to bother to respond to her BS.

If you ignore her and give her no reaction then there's no satisfaction on her part. Eventually she would give up.

I would delete her from facebook or at least block her to show that you have no concerns for her.

There might be a reason behind her behavior. It's a pretty common situation.

I agree with xXxPuNki-PiXiExXx:

"If you keep your cool she'll be the one freaking out and will look like the idiot."

I've seen this happen many times and the one that causes scenes usually loses friends. If you don't like someone you usually don't pay attention to them. But for any other reason, like jealously for example, a person would hang on/fight/etc.

[view]


Okay so I'm 18. I started my period when i was 13 and it's always usually been regular.

In October last year I got my period 2 times which my mum said can happen(its called an early period) so I didn't get my period in november and the doctor said It's because when i got my period early the month before and twice, it messed up my cycle a little. On December 30th i got my period which lasted the normal amount of days for me but On January 30th this year I didn't get my period. I'm about 3 days late and i know for sure I'm not pregnant. I'm suppose to be stayin at my boyfriend's house next week but now I don't want to incase during the day i get my period and i don't realise until we have sex or something, cause' it would be embarrassing.

Is there any way at all that i can make my period come on it's due date?

Get on the pill. Irregularity should be a good enough reason to get on it. That way you are more prepared.

Don't worry about it. Keep an eye out but continue with your plans. If you're good to go, then have sex. If you bleed a bit and it's on the condom (which i hope you would be using :P), don't be embarrassed, just say he hurt you. haha

[view]


I have a lot of solos in my band class this year. And whenever I play, my face turns bright red, no matter how high the note. So If I have a solo, all the attention will be on my red face!! Does anyone know how I can just relax when I'm playing?????

What instrument do you play?
It happens to people. You can't help it.

If it bothers you a great deal, try wearing a powder foundation (or liquid) to cover up.

My face used to get red randomly and now my skin looks all 'neutral'

[view]


From being in the band, I've gotten a lot of irratation, blisters, and cuts on my lips. Now they are large and kind of misshaped. Is there any way I could bring down the swelling so I look normal again??

You need to carry chapstick[s] with you.

Wrap some ice cubes in a towel and apply to your lips.

OR

You could put a towel in warm water for 15 minutes and hold to your lips. The heat will reduce the blood in the area and swelling should go down.

Try using a medicated lip balm like Blistex. I think there's a regular stick and a roll on liquid one. Carmex is good too.

Drink more water and get more of Vitamin C & B.

If the swelling doesn't go down in a few days, it may be a viral infection.

[view]


People say my eyes are really pretty in the light; they say they look like the inside of a kiwi and they sparkle. Is there any make up (no eyeshadow) that would bring out that characteristic??

Chocolate brown eyeliner will make your eyes pop. Black *might* be too harsh, depends on what you like personally.

If you decide to use eyeshadow: browns, golds and sometimes plum look great.

[view]


I don't have time for a shower in the morning, so I take one before bed. And sometimes I'll wake up and my hair is frizzy. Is there a quick way to bring down the frizz????

Wrap your hair in an old t-shirt while it's drying. If you must use a towel, don't rub- just wrap and let the towel soak up the water.

I've tried that Frizz Ease serum and it's okay, just gives off this greasy feel/look (hair and hands)

Sometimes mousse makes your hair frizzy.

Rinse with cold water and try finger combing instead of using a brush.

A good flat iron can bring down frizz.

You might have damaged, dry hair and/or split ends. Try a deep conditioner treatment once a week.

You could mix some conditioner & a little Extra Virgin Olive Oil into a bowl. Heat it up in the microwave for 10 seconds and there's a cheap hot oil treatment. You could do without heating it up and do an overnight treatment during the weekend.

[view]


I'm a 15 year old female physically active with very soon-to-be 18 year old guys. One is a fuck buddy who raped me at age 14 but for some reason after it all happened I was too confused to leave. The other's my good friend. They're both 18 in less than a month. Is this illegal and, if so, am I putting either of them in any danger?
thanks

Rape is illegal.
An adult having sex with a minor is called statutory rape and it's illegal.

It does not matter if you are a week or so away from your 18th birthday, it's still statutory rape. It also does NOT matter if you gave that person consent either.

If you say you are having sex with an 18 year old, they WILL put that adult under arrest and try to do a rape kit on you. (Witnessed this)

Drop the rapist. It's not unusual for someone to willingly continue having sex with the person they got raped by. You were forced against your will. It's not right. A real friend or good person would not do that. If you can't get the guy out of your life then try getting the cops involved.

[view]


okay boyfriend trouble. i've been dating this guy for about a month now and im a little confused. i can tell he has very strong feelings for me and he knows i have strong feelings for him too. but he hasn't said i love you yet.. i don't get it. i mean all my ex's had said it way earlier than a month. he's almost said it like 3 times but i have this wierd feeling telling me he's afraid to say it cause he doesn't know what my reaction will be. i know im intimidating at times but i try to soften my expression whenever im with him. what can i do to make him not scared to say it? without losing my way of spitting game and without saying it first. any advice would be grand:) thank ya.

My boyfriend said that within a week of dating and I told him to stop. I've watched many relationships end because things were rushed.

He hasn't said it for a reason. I think that's a good sign considering you have been dating for about a month. Every person is different.

Some are waiting for that right moment to make it special or don't want to say it to avoid any possible awkward reactions. Cause I'm sure everyone has heard "she/he said it too soon and the other person freaked out" thing.

I didn't want a relationship that said that within the first few months because half of the time you are still getting to know that person.
Even if you have known that person for awhile (months-years) a relationship is still a big step and saying it could be intimidating on it's own.

You should say it when you know the feeling is mutual or when you've dated for many months.

You should try not saying it the first time in this relationship and see how it goes. He's with you for a reason though, just remember that. He likes you and cares about you. Waiting can be good.

[view]





eXTReMe Tracker