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I feel extremely shallow
Hey! I'm a fifteen year old girl, sophomore. My boyfriend is a seventeen year old boy, junior. We've been dating for three months but we've been friends for years. Okay the thing is, I'm a girl that's extremely attracted to the athletic kind of guys, and really turned off by laziness... That's just my type I guess. My boyfriend is fit and active and plays football and baseball. Butttt... he's recently decided he wants to quit baseball. He says he just doesn't want to play this year. Is it bad that I WANT him to play?? Because I do... It's just thats part of why I'm attracted to him I thought that was part of who he was and I dunno I feel like it's really shallow but I just want him to play. And I don't know what to do because it's actually bothering me... I don't know how to get it across to him that I don't think he should quit but ugh I don't know what else to do... It's not completely shallow reasoning though. Two years ago I quit soccer (my reasons were a little different though I quit so I could join a more time consuming competitive cheer squad) but I really really miss soccer. I thought I didn't want to do it anymore but I still wish I could have done both. I've told him this but he sounds pretty set. My third reason is... I'm worried that when he has nothing to do and when I'm going to be really busy with cheerleading that he's going to get super demanding of my time. Baseball workouts are just about to start too so I can't put off this problem... What shoudl I do??
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Somewhere along the way. while you were growing up, the idea that "real men" play sports got embedded in your head. Parents? What was said to older brothers? Dad's enjoyment of sports? Cultural imprinting?
You are permitted, and even encouraged, to reexamine the values from childhood and decide which ones you want to take into adulthood with you.
Sports are very complicated and there could be a dozen reasons why he does not want to play this year, everything from how a coach treats him to pressure he could be under. (My son-in-law quit HS soccer because the coach declared "Soccer is not for fun!" and he thought, "I signed up for fun - working hard and playing well IS fun!') so he walked.
Has he shown any signs of becoming controlling before It would probably have surfaced by now it it were an issue.
So, if you decide that he's not man enough for you
if he's not playing baseball, let him go as quickly as possible so he can get on with finding someone who views him differently.
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Hi there,
No, it is not bad that you want him to play. If that is the part of him you are attracted to, then why wouldn't you want him to? If its bothering you.. then you have to tell him. Look him in the eyes and say "It is a turn on when you play baseball". If you let him know, he should be more open to staying with it. But.. he should also be able to have the choice to decide what he would like to do in his life; just as you did when you decided to do cheering. Maybe baseball just isn't his thing anymore. Talk to him and see if he has other sport goals that he would like to get into besides football. Let him know that you really like that athletic side of him. So, baseball was a no go.. I am sure you can get him involved in another sport. Let him know you would like him too and if possible, get involved in it with him. Maybe football is his thing. All you can really do is tell him how much you enjoyed it when he played the sport, the rest is up to him. You may be able to convince him of more than football though with your attraction to him playing baseball.
Also, tell him that when you start cheerleading, you won't always be around to hang out whenever he wants; you will be busy. He should understand how you are feeling if you voice it to him. Ask him how much he loved baseball and then tell him how good he was at it. The more compliments he gets, the more he will want to do it. I hate to say this, but you cannot change his mind, you can only be supportive and guide him there. Tell him honestly how you feel and see how he responds. If he doesn't want to do baseball, don't force him. Ask him if he will at least consider it. I am sure he might get into another sport, for when a guy leaves one he is likely to start new with another or enhance what he has. Tell him you would like him to play sports and I am sure he will, even if its not baseball that is calling to him <3
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Right what you have there is what you should explain to him.
I'll have to agree and say that I'll like my SO to be focused on something. Whether it's physical or not. I am not attracted to laziness because I have been like that in the past (going nowhere basically) and want my SO to have the same goals/motivation to further motivate me.
What i mean is to tell him that you quit soccer and that you missed it. Maybe he would to with baseball. If he doesn't want to do it, you should accept it and push him to towards another hobby. What does he like? What does he do?
I don't think he would be too demanding if he knew you had cheer leading related things to do. I think he would be more understanding since he's in sports and such.
Is he only quitting baseball? If he's pursuing football you should support him :)
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Do you actually like your boyfriend or do you like him because he's fit and play's basketball? If it's the latter, you are shallow. Simple as that.
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