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Talking to a mute
So in one of my classes I sit by a girl who's very quiet. She never starts conversations, and other people know her as a mute.
I always start the conversations even when we're told to work in our pairs. So today I tested her just to see if she would actually initiate conversation instead of me. She didn't.
I'm shy myself, but I overcome this to get on with people. I mean she doesn't even TRY-including never answering class and having no friends in the class despite my best efforts to befriend her.
What should I do to get her to talk?!
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I don't know if she's an actual mute or selective. Just don't bug her. If she's not smiling, laughing or looking in your direction, then you are making her UNCOMFORTABLE and you need to back off.
If she's known as a mute, then you are definitely not the first person to try to get to know her. Which is starting conversation, trying to test her or those stupid "you talk too much" jokes.
Some people just do not want to speak. It may be anxiety related or they have nothing to say. It sounds like it could be a social disorder to me. It's fine if she doesn't want to talk or participate in class. It's what she is comfortable with.
You can try writing her a note and see if she'll respond. If she doesn't then still be friendly but don't try to "get" her to talk. That's not cool.
You may think you are making loads of effort to be friends with her but have you even considered that you are actually bothering her? Maybe she doesn't want to be your friend or you are giving her anxiety and unwanted attention. Or both. Not everyone wants to overcome shyness.
I'm not trying to be mean but if that's one of your goals for that class then you are probably not viewed as a nice person in her mind.
Try notes instead and see if you can get a respond. I don't know if it'll be an immediate respond or pass her a folded note so she could read it later. It's all about comfort. The more you try to force your way in, the more closed off she will become.
- A selective mute who has been through it all.
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I'm not sure why you haven't considered that she just doesn't want to talk, and that's ok. Not everybody wants to be social, some people are at school to actually learn. You are assuming that she must want you as a friend, but maybe she is happy the way she is. I would just leave her alone.
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Hi darling, for some people, starting a conversation to them is like jumping off of a plane. I, myself, am extremely shy, and it's hard to overcome that, I have very severe anxiety, and that's why it's hard for me to talk to people. I've overcome it for the most part, but you have to realize, this girl could have some deep emotional problems that you don't realize. I'm not saying she has full blown anxiety, or some sort of disorder, but you need to recognize that she may have some very personal reasons for being so shy. Whether it's that, or she's just plain shy!
The best way to get her to talk, is try being extra friendly, and in ways reassure her that it's okay to open up to you. By saying things like what do you think? Always include her. And eventually, maybe she will come out of her shell. I'm not saying that will happen in a week or month, it could never happen.
Just be considerate to her, and be welcoming to her.
Hope all goes well honey. xx
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