about

I'm a psych major at a community college, getting my degree before I attend the Make Up Designory school. Makeup is my passion and my biggest inspiration is Kandee Johnson. I'm also addicted to music and kind of in love with Brian Fallon of The Gaslight Anthem :)

advice

there is this tutor I work with in the tutoring lab in this community college I went to. She's great and a wonderful person to be around with. She is about 27 and I am 22 and she is engaged, One thing I noticed about her is that she was very touchy feely. , like patting me on the back or shoulder.

I worked with her for about a year and my class ended in June 2013. In fall of 2013 I attended a university but I saw her around campus ( I already knew she attended there too) when I was going to meet up with a friend recently and chatted with her. I might see her again on April 11th but I am scared when I talk to her it might across that I am flirting or trying to get with her but I really am not since I respect she is taken


the last time I saw her was on December 13th. I haven't seen her in a while clearly but I may see her again on April 11th.
I am trying to prepare for the conversation I might have with her. One thing I want to do is make sure she doesn't think I am trying to flirt with her or get with her. How do I make sure not to come across that way in any way? One theory I have is to maybe I have my phone out while talking and glance at it occasionally because surely someone who was flirting would be 100% invested. I have a lot of anxiety and nervousness so that is why I feel I must prepare. The fact that a girl talked to me at all is significant since no way I can talk to girls my self, so if I never see her again, I can likely never have any sort of female companion for a long time

Please see a counselor or therapist. We cannot help you here when your repeated questions have constantly changing detail and we have no way of knowing what the truth is. Frankly it feels like a waste of my time to spend time trying to help someone who is not telling the truth. How do I know that the situations you describe have actually happened? How do I know your actual age or gender, since it seems to change so often? There is simply no point. Honesty is the only way to get real help and advice.

Please seek the help you need.

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Hi, I'm currently a guy (16 Years Old) that wants to know what kind of fun things could two lovable teenagers do for like a special romantic date. I really want to surprise my girlfriend but it's really hard of doing so just because I have no idea what to do sometimes... It stresses me out because she talks about me not making the decisions of what we'll do a certain day that we'd want to see each other. When we're together we have fun but it just really bothers me.

I'm agreeing with the person below me, taking turns deciding is usually the best thing. When I was your age (eyes, i feel old) I had the same problem.
If you have transportation and money, there's always a concert or, depending on her interests, a musical or play or sport event.
You could go on a hike or go to the park and bring lunch. Making dinner together can be unexpectedly fun if you do something easy. My boyfriend and I like to make our own pizza. You can buy either pizza dough or pizza crust at the store then pick out sauce and toppings...something like Alfredo and/or pesto sauce with chicken or chicken meatballs and cheese is always good. If you know how to cook, making her dinner is awesome, I love when guys do that for me. You could bake some kind of dessert together.
Is there anything like Six Flags or a zoo in your area? Anywhere that would be fun for a day trip (beach, woods, big city, etc.)?

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I like my brother's friend. I'm gonna be in the 8th grade next year. He's 2 years older than me, in my country he's gonna graduate next school year. So, around August last year we first met. I'm gonna try and make this so dramatic. So, he was very sweet and kind,he waves to me at school, says my first name and says hi everytime we met, until around the mid-week of March.There was this one time when he was still talking to me when we were passing by their classroom that had transparent glass doors. He saw me walk by the glass window, and ran to the door and gave me an enthusiastic wave and I gave him a what-seemed a "cute" wide, exagerrated, smile to me. And there was this one time where he saw me arrive to school, hesaw me, my face was sour, he notiiced me then walked with me and said "Good morning (my name)" Then there was this one incident where I was almost late I passed by their classroom and he greeted me good morning and waved, again, I gave him the "cute" smile. That's the last time I remember he interacted with me. Then, he started to avoid me like seriously, why? Maybe he's just busier with school now. Then there was this festival in our school, I sat somewhere where his friends and he himself were messing around. Everytime he laughs or does something funny he tries to take a glimpse of me, and I catch him doing so because I also look at him secretly. Then I went somewhere higher and my friend wanted to stand beside me she wanted me to lift her I was like " Awe, you want me to lift you here?" while doing the puty face, I noticed with my peripheral vision he was looking at me and my friend. After that he said "Awe, you're so sweet (my name)" and he moved somewhere further where I was sitting. But he keeps laughing with his friends and he secretly looks at me. A few minutes later he passed by me and stared at me then gave me a smile and nod, I smiled and nodded back. Then after that, I sat somewhere he and his friend were but I didn't notice until he decided to sit near me but my friend sat beside me. But before he decided to sit near me, he thought 'where he was sitting was too crowded' then glared at me and decided to sit near my friends and me. After that he kept staring at me for a little while. I just don't get it, we've met several times before this incident, why talk to me now when he could've just proceeded in avoiding me?

He could be interested but he also might just be friendly. Guys that age are so hard to read, and it's hard to try to get in his head without knowing him. Why not just start a conversation with him yourself the next time you're near him? Might give you a better idea of how he's feeling. Good luck!

-Krista, 23/f

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my boyfriend whi broke up with me for about 3 months. Then we got back together in january and for 3 months we were fine. Almost everytime we got to see each other in person, we always did something sexual together not reaching the point to sex though. We had teo times where we hung out and actually talked and had fun just talking. I made him laugh multiple times and he did the same towards me. But last tuesday he broke up with me. Ir started with a fight on sunday about how i was so depressed and hurt from the rejection to my favorte colleges and he did not comfort me through it. Then i ifnored him for two days when he told me that i should get over it aince im the one making myself feel this pain. Then on tuesday he told me that he couldnt handle it anymore. That we havent been working out if i havent noticed and that he feels like hes falling out if love with me everyday but he still convinces himself that he still is in love with me. He talked to his friends baout the things we do and his friends told him that we wouldnt work out since the reason he got back with me wasnt strong enough. Then he told me that he feels like hes with me for my happiness not his. I believe that he made this decision under his friends influences and that he shoul have talked to be about this problem of not bonding. I talked to him on te phone however and when i ask him aboit if he had fun the two times we actually hung out he never answers and when i ask him for his reason to get back with me he says that it was because he thought we could work out. And recently yesterday i messaged him if we could talk things out a bit in person so i can see his true emotions. Then he said that hes a pushover when he sees desperate people in front of him. And then he told me "How about no. You already have begun to "clear off all the bs on the walls" so i'm beginning to clear off the bs in my life. Leave me alone with that shit. Theres no chance anymore so get over it. " and his quotes are from a snapchat that i added onto my story so i know that he is still looking at my things because i didnt send that snapchat to him specificallly. Well i dont know what I should ddo. Please help tell me ahat i should di and confirm my theories also.

I am gonna be complete honest here and you might not like what I have to say but... I think you should try to get over him. He's made it clear there's no chance anymore, so why waste time and energy on someone that doesn't want you? I know it hurts right now, but that won't last forever. I've been there before, felt desperate and hopeless and fought to get someone back for literally years and you know what? It was such a waste of time. When I finally gave up, the most amazing guy came along and now I've never been happier. There is someone out there who will care about you so much more than your ex, treat you so much better, and it'll make sense why it never worked out with anyone else.
Let him go. Give yourself some time to be sad and angry and whatnot, then get to work on making him a distant memory. Delete his number, block him on Facebook, get rid of any possible method of communication. Distract yourself with friends and hobbies and it will get better a little bit at a time until one day you're totally fine :)

-Krista, 23/f

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I think I've hallucinated a couple times before, but I wasn't scared or anything. This one time I thought I saw dirt on my friends leg, so she spent some time trying to find it. Eventually, she found nothing, and when I looked again I found nothing.

I didn't really put that incident in mind though. But today I thought I saw this guy go behind a counter, and then I saw another of him outside the shop. I realised the guy outside the shop was the real one.

I get around 6 hours of sleep each day, and I'm usually a little tired. Does lack of sleep or stress make you hallucinate? I have no idea why this is happening, but it hasn't really been that much of a problem. Can someone please help?

Yes, hallucinations can be caused by chronic sleep deprivation, which is dangerous (particularly if you drive) and really bad for your body. Often you won't feel tired after a long period of lack of sleep, because your body adjusts, but it doesn't mean your brain and body aren't suffering. Try getting some more sleep for a couple of weeks and if you're still having problems, see a professional.

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What are some popular books I should read? I like to read, but I am bad at picking good books. LOL! Can you tell me titles you loved, or what you have been dying to read next? Thank you.

Depends on your age, gender, and interests, but some general recommendations:
The fault in our stars- john green
Warm bodies- issac marion
the good luck of right now- matthew quick
Gone girl- gillian flynn
american gods- neil gaiman
Divergent- veronica roth
beautiful disaster-jaime mcguire

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I am not developping an eating disorder just to get rid of my acne. But i just wanted to know does loosing weight get rid of acne? Its just that on some websites when you see people that have lost weight or that are skinny not a single one of those people has acne so that just made me wonder. I do know that a lot of underweight people have very dry skin but im not trying to be underweight and develop an eating disorder i just want to loose some weight :)

It's not so much about losing weight as it is how the person lost weight. (And keep in mind that pictures probably involve makeup and/or photoshop.) Eating healthier and drinking lots of water often makes a dramatic improbement to skin, and working out can give people a healthy glow.

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I just went natural and I normally go to a salon to get my hair flat ironed. It's not really helping much because my hair still ends up in a ponytail. So instead I thought of using a product that will let meme west my hair out and curly without being really poofy. If you can name some product names that would be a great help! Thanks!

First of all, make sure your hair is well moisturized to avoid frizz. A moisturizing shampoo and conditioner can make a big difference, as well as deep conditioning twice a week.
I swear by It's A 10- it's a spray in product that makes hair smoother, softer, shinier, and protects against heat. However, it is qiite expensive. Aussie Hair Insurance is a cheaper option.
Aussie Sprunch conditioning mousse is the best curly/wavy hair product I've ever used. It defines without making hair too big or crazy. (If you have extremely kinky curly hair, you may want to use a serum like John Frieda Frizz Ease instead.) For tight curls, Tresemme Curl Defining heat activating spray is great. If you want wavea, L'oreal Txt It is amazing.i also like to sleep with my hair in two loose braids to create waves. Whatever product you use, make sure you start with a small amount and build up.

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What are the best places you have found to shop for clothes online? I don't really know which sites to trust. I mean, do you only buy from places that you have near you so you can go in if your order is messed up, or can you buy from stores that aren't in your area and still do ok?

Oftrn it is easier to buy from stores that have a location near you, but if that's not possible, it's not a big deal. It just takes them a bit to process the return sometimes.
I don't recommend buying from places like Forever 21 or Love culture online. Often the sizing is totally weird or inconsistent and things will look totally different in person. I've had the best luck with Banana Republic (they do 40% off sales pretty often) and American Eagle (they also do the 40% sometimes if you sign up for text alerts and have a really good clearance section), as wellnas American Giant and Sevenly.org. I recommend buying in larger quantities rather than individual items, because many sites do free shipping if you spend over 50 bucks.

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Ever since my child was critically ill, she can't have anything with gluten/wheat anymore. It is really hard to tell a 5 year old child that she can't eat basically anything her friends eat or that she sees people eat on TV. Her little face... :( Do you know of any good child friendly foods I can make that contains no gluten? Bless you if you can help me!

Hello,
I think once you start looking, you'll be surprised at the wide variety of food you can make without gluten. More and more stores have caught on to this health concern and there are many different brands to choose from.
I'm not sure what grocery stores are in your area, but if you have a Sprouts near you, they have a ton of gfree stuff with special tags on the shelves to make it clear. You can also try Whole Foods. Even most traditional grocery stores like Safeway and Lucky have a decent sized gluten free section now.
When I worked at Sprouts, I helped a lot of customers with gluten sensitivities. Based on their feedback, these are supppedly the best products:
Cereal- Van's or Glutino
Crackers- Mary's Gone Crackers or Vans
Baking- you can modify traditional recipes by using an alternative flour- almond rice, rice flour, coconut flour, soy flour, etc. Bob's Red Mill makes all of those and many more. Pamela's and Cup 4 Cup are supposed to be the best ready mixes. Enjoy Life makes really good allergen free chocolate chips.
Treats- Pamela's premade cookies, Enjoy Life granola bars, udi's muffins or cookies (sometimes found in the frozen section).
Basics- Rudi's white bread (often frozen), glutino pretzels, late july chips and crackers, glutenfreeda frozen burritos, udi's tortillas.

If you google 'gluten free recipes for kids' there's also a decent amount of info. Hope that helped!
-Kristen

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how do I nominate someone for what not to wear

You can do it online on the TLC website, but they've already announced that this will be the last season, so they may have filmed all the episodes already :/

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The guy I'm talking to is always talking about girls he'd like to have sex with. We'll be talking about something and all of a sudden he'll send me a pic of a celebrity and be like "I would last 3 seconds man those legs she'd be mad but I would be the happiest man alive". Am I wrong to have my feelings hurt? Everytime he does that i just want to cry and i dont really know why. hes not one of those guys you can be emotionally vulnerable eith either so im stuck keeping it bottled in. I know we're not technically dating but I just think its disrespectful i never do that to him so why does he do that to me? I can't help but think maybe hes not even really interested in me. I get guys are naturally sexual people but does he have to always tell me about all the girls he'd like to screw? I'm 22 and he's 19 btw

While I don't know him, I've had guys do the same thing to me, and often they are trying to make you jealous so you want them more (I've even had a guy try to show me nudes of his last hookup)- it's a weird little game they play. It is disrespectful and rude and nobody like that is worth your time. He probably still has a lot of growing up to do and you can do better.


-Krista, 22/f

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So in one of my classes I sit by a girl who's very quiet. She never starts conversations, and other people know her as a mute.

I always start the conversations even when we're told to work in our pairs. So today I tested her just to see if she would actually initiate conversation instead of me. She didn't.

I'm shy myself, but I overcome this to get on with people. I mean she doesn't even TRY-including never answering class and having no friends in the class despite my best efforts to befriend her.

What should I do to get her to talk?!

I'm not sure why you haven't considered that she just doesn't want to talk, and that's ok. Not everybody wants to be social, some people are at school to actually learn. You are assuming that she must want you as a friend, but maybe she is happy the way she is. I would just leave her alone.

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13/F (Sorry this is long, but if you answer this then you'll save my life!)

Alright.. So for about 7 months, I've been feeling weird. I've looked up more about it, and it seems it's called "Depersonalization Disorder"... I really am not sure what to do now. My mom has known about it, but I just realized that she thought it went away 4 months ago - And I'VE BEEN FEELING THIS WAY SINCE JUNE 2012!

My symptoms:
I feel like I'm not all there. Like.. I'd be doring something, and once I think about this whole thing then this happens again.

I realized that I can't live my life like this anymore. I need help. I don't really want to see a doctor or get medication, but if I have to... What medication what I need and what not? Omg please help me. If you answer you will save my life!

Depersonalization disorder is extremely rare. It is far more likely that you have a form of depression, which can make you feel the same way.

Trying to diagnose yourself the age of thirteen is not a good idea. Go see a counselor or therapist that will be able to help you far more than anyone on an advice website.

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18/f

My family is in a tough situation.
My mom has been drinking since I was in 8th grade. It was never this bad though. Before, she would always drink and get drunk but it'd only last a few weeks until my dad made her throw it out.
Then eventually she'll start hiding it.
But now, she is drunk all day and all night for about 5 months. I left for college in another state though.
As of right now, she's been living with this other man, cheating on my dad. She's there because that guy will give her all the alcohol she wants. My dad is mad of course, but they've been married for 20 years and he loves her and cares about her and wants to help her. She's a really good lady but it's the drinking that screwed her up.
Whenever she's here, she lies all the time and just picks fights with my dad. She is still living in the past, bringing up things that happened along time ago but is no longer a problem.
Even my aunt came over and my mom was bringing up things when they were kids that bothered her.
So there are many things she has been holding onto.
My younger brother, he's 16, he's in juvi right now for running away, stealing a car, drunk driving, hit and run. She blames him for her drinking. But when things were ok with him, she was still doing it.

So obviously, if she wanted to get help, she would but she doesn't want it. She told us she knows she has a problem but she can fix it herself.
She was looking up videos to stop but she said she doesn't have enough will power.

I'm not going back to college this semester so that I can stay with my dad.

He's planning on moving so that my mom can get away from this guy because right now, that's the only way she can drink and so my brother can get away from the drugs and his friends here. But right now, we're looking to help her.

We've tried an intervention type thing but that didn't work. Some other family members have talked to her too.
She won't go to rehab and she used to go to some AA meetings but that didn't work.
I know she has to want it but there has to be something else we can do.
I can't just be patient because it's been going on for too long. She needs help or she can die.
Someone told me about hypnosis. That would cost about 1,200 if it works. We would just have to convince her to go.
My dad found some CDs online and saw good reviews.

The thing is, she needs real help and me and my dad don't know what can work.
If you know anyone who has been like this and know what helped them please let me know.
I know other people who were alcoholics but they were never this bad. No one I know has ever been in a situation like this.
Thanks for the help!

Here's the thing. You can't help her if she won't help herself. She has to want to stop or all your efforts will be for nothing.
Moving will not help, you cannot hide her from alcohol forever. (and same with your brother, he will just find new friends and continue to use drugs unless he wants to change.) Remember that she has a disease that has changed her brain chemistry.
Don't waste your money on the hypnosis, that kind of treatment mainly works by using the placebo effect- if your mom doesn't think it's going to work it probably won't.
I know it's incredibly hard, but you cannot live her life and make her choices for her.
What can you do? You can tell her how you feel (whether in person or in a letter)- remind her that you love her and are worried and don't want to lose her.
You can do research- there's lots of books, etc out there on treat for alcoholism. There are also lots of books to help family members of alcoholics. I highly suggest checking that out.

One of my favorite authors was an alcoholic for about twenty years and nearly drank himself to death. Here is a long quote from one of his books, 'This Is How':

"What has worked for me is to find something I wanted more than I wanted to drink, which was a f*ck of a lot.
This is less a decision than a discovery. And it's for this reason that not everybody will get sober.
My view that the way to stop drinking is to stop drinking is laughably simplistic on the surface. It's "Just say no."
It's also true. The way to stop drinking is to want sobriety more. And then when you feel a craving, feel the craving until it passes. But don't act on it- any more than you wouldn't kill somebody you feel like killing when they cut you off in traffic.
Just because you want something doesn't mean you have to have it.
...To stop drinking, you stop drinking. You pour it out right now. Everything else- all the books, the therapies, and programs- are merely hand-holding. They all strike to accomplish the same thing: to talk you into not drinking.
I'm saying, if you want to stop, you will. But most do not want to stop enough to actually stop. And until there's a medical fix, alcoholics will die as drunks.
But be successful at not drinking, a person needs to occupy the space in life drinking once filled with something more rewarding than the comfort and escape of alcohol. This is the thing you have to find.
The truth is that people who cannot stop drinking are people who, however guilty they may feel and however dire the consequences, have become so addicted to the drug and the experience that they prefer it to the remainder of their lives. While they may truly want to be sober, they want to drink more.
The myth that alcoholics are powerless and unable in any way to shape the outcome of their addiction is a fatal, deeply untruthful message. No alcoholic should ever feel powerless over alcohol.
Those who die were not powerless. They either chose alcohol or they slid passively into the inevitable outcome of drinking; they made a decision by choosing to take no new action. And it's this choice that results in death.
...You absolutely can stop drinking today, right now.
The question is only, do you want to be sober more than you want to drink?
Very few people can answer this question truthfully and reply, yes.
I hope you're one of them. Maybe you are.
I didn't think I was."

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Hello!

I have employed two live-in combined nanny girls/housemaid girls/domestic worker girls (who do a lot of worktasks, taking care of our 6 years old daughter, cleaning, cooking, dishwashing/washing, serving and such stuff). For ordinary days, they can wear whatever they want, but special events (like weekends, holidays, parties and such if they're on duty then, I make sure to always have at least one girl on duty every day), I require them to wear a white blouse with a black skirt with a belt and some black shoes, short-length white apron is worn over the skirt (I pay for all these clothes, even extra sets), since I think it's important that they dresses nice, and show a good behaviour.

The girls are 16 and 18 years old, and I know both of them dislike it, but as employees, they have to do this. The youngest girl, who has just been in my employment for some months, seems to be very nervous when it comes to this (serving while dressed in a white blouse with a black skirt).

The first time she was serving, she accidentally spilled over her blouse collar. I told her to immediately dry up, and go putting on a new blouse. After doing as I said, and she apologized. I told her everything was OK, but she maybe would need a little bit more training.

The upcoming times, the younger girl seemed very nervous when serving, but I thought it was just at the start. The girl continued to act what I thought was carless, one time spilling on her left blouse pocket. Some weeks later, I told her to sit down for a meeting, and told her that I can accept her doing mistakes as long as she always do her best, but I can't accept her acting careless.

I soon found out that she was still nervous when serving. I told her just to take a breath, calm down and concentrate at the serving. The girl said she disliked being required to wear those clothes, but I said she has to wear them.

She was sad, but I tried to comfort her, and said that she could train away it. I went to our living room, and told her to come out with a tray, starting in her ordinary clothes. She did it everything well. Soon, I told her to put on the blouse and skirt. I made sure she had done all buttons, and put the blouse inside the skirt and that stuff.

I told her to come out with a tray once again, but now she said she was nervous again. After some training, the girl started to cry, and said she couldn't help it. But as she told she tried to do her best, I just said she would need more training. Then I told her every time she had done everything well.

But still, everything was as usual again, so I summoned for her another meeting, where I also summoned the older girl, who I employed earlier, and told her if she could give the younger girl any tips. I can't recall the older girl being that nervous from the start (except just the first times, but not weeks and months later.) The older girl, who also has spilled sometimes, just said there is nothing to be nervous for, just focus.

What can I do to help the younger girl calming down? I have made one thing for sure: As long as these girls work in my house, they will have to wear white blouse and black skirt for serving, and that's nothing they can change. I know they don't like it, but that's not what I want them to do, just accept it (without complaining). But as she seems to try doing her best, I still want to know how to handle this, hoping she will get less nervous.

Why haven't you asked the poor girl why she is so uncomfortable in her serving outfit?
I'm sure she has a reason.
Perhaps she is just not used to having nice clothes and afraid of messing them up.
However, maybe she is self-conscious about her body and is uncomfortable being seen in a skirt. Why can't you just have them wear some nice black pants instead? It's more practical and will still look nice.
It sounds like she is really scared of you- maybe you need to think about why that is. An unhappy employee will not do a good job and may seek out another job. Remember that they are helping you and treating them rudely will not benefit anyone.

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So I was bored one day and I know this is immature and lying but me and my friend made up this screen name and instant messaged my boyfriend. Who is 5 years older, (20,25). He is very opened to talk to anyone so I brought me up. I was completely devastated and crushed when I read the things he had to say about me. He said that I was obsessed with him and liked him a lot more than he liked me. He wasnt sure about us because we had nothing in common when he always tells me when we talk he loves how we don't because we still work. He said that I am constantly looking to talk and he hates it. When he breaks up with me i am going to be devastated and he doesn't know how to do it. I told him a lot of personal stuff thats happened and he mocked me about it. He said he's embarrassed of me because I'm immature when he eggs me on to do things like that. I can't even explain how hurt and stupid I feel. I love him so much though and our relationship is serious. If i've ever wanted to break up with him it would be right now. I just don't know how to tell him over what. He would be really mad if he knew the truth. Should I even be mad about this? Ugh I'm so confused! any opinions or advice would be great!

Thanks in advance (:

Yes, of course you have a right to be mad. Even though you did something wrong, so did he- what kind of jerk goes telling a random stranger all their relationship problems and badmouthing their girlfriend?

I wouldn't waste any more time on him. You don't even need to tell him why, just tell him it's over. He's not the last guy you'll ever be in love with, and he isn't worth it, since apparently he's going to dump you anyway.

-Krista, 21/f

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20/f
I have a boyfriend of 3 months, who is the same age. We are both in college, and only get to see each other over the weekends. He is really good about texting me throughout the day, but he never texts me when he wakes up, or that he is going to sleep, or when he is going to do something (like mow the lawn for instance) so I never get a text back for a while. It really bothers me a lot, I feel like he should be telling me when he's going to just stop texting me for long periods of time. Am I right? Or is this just not that big of a deal? Opinions please!

It's not a big deal. He shouldn't have to text you about everything he does every minute of the day, that's how people get bored of each other. For a lot of people, texting is better than talking on the phone because you can reply whenever it's convenient. You should probably just try to get over it.

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What can you do to your nail polishes when they start turning sticky ? especially the white ones !

Do you mean when you've had em for a while and they start getting thick and take longer to dry? You can buy nail polish thinner at Ulta or a beauty supply store and it will help a lot. It sounds weird, but putting a few drops of nail polish remover in has the same effect.

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well which dating thing is free without paying money can you tell me

okcupid.com is free and the best of the dating sites I've tried.

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