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How to stop being nervous and scared when talking to a girl?
there is this tutor I work with in the tutoring lab in this community college I went to. She's great and a wonderful person to be around with. She is about 27 and I am 22 and she is engaged, One thing I noticed about her is that she was very touchy feely. , like patting me on the back or shoulder.
I worked with her for about a year and my class ended in June 2013. In fall of 2013 I attended a university but I saw her around campus ( I already knew she attended there too) when I was going to meet up with a friend recently and chatted with her. I might see her again on April 11th but I am scared when I talk to her it might across that I am flirting or trying to get with her but I really am not since I respect she is taken
the last time I saw her was on December 13th. I haven't seen her in a while clearly but I may see her again on April 11th.
I am trying to prepare for the conversation I might have with her. One thing I want to do is make sure she doesn't think I am trying to flirt with her or get with her. How do I make sure not to come across that way in any way? One theory I have is to maybe I have my phone out while talking and glance at it occasionally because surely someone who was flirting would be 100% invested. I have a lot of anxiety and nervousness so that is why I feel I must prepare. The fact that a girl talked to me at all is significant since no way I can talk to girls my self, so if I never see her again, I can likely never have any sort of female companion for a long time
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Work/School Relationships?
Please see a counselor or therapist. We cannot help you here when your repeated questions have constantly changing detail and we have no way of knowing what the truth is. Frankly it feels like a waste of my time to spend time trying to help someone who is not telling the truth. How do I know that the situations you describe have actually happened? How do I know your actual age or gender, since it seems to change so often? There is simply no point. Honesty is the only way to get real help and advice.
Please seek the help you need.
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You've asked questions here several times and since we already know a lot of background, our answers aren't going to change.
At one point you wanted to break up her and her fiancee.
I don't think you should try to talk to her. You're obsessing and it's not normal to do this. I don't think anyone should try to go after someone they like when that person is with someone else. Even if it's just for friendship, not a good idea. It's not going to help you like her any less, it's just going to prolong it and cause you pain.
I also don't understand your thinking when you say that if you never see her again, you'll never have any sort of female companion. She might have been some sort of a friend a long time ago but you guys have talked in a very long time, so she isn't your female companion.
I think instead of trying to obsess over this more, you need to go seek help. Because doing all this won't help your anxiety or nervousness. You need to find a girl who is available and stop wasting your time on someone who isn't.
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You need to see a therapist.
This all the advice you are getting from me from here on out.
You have asked a dozen questions on the subject of this engaged woman since October. In each question, you've added (and left out) information and parts of the story, in what seems like an effort to make your behaviour appear less obsessive and problematic than it is.
I'm glad that you now recognize how utterly wrong it would be to attempt to interfere in her relationship - but I remember very well that you didn't always recognize that - and you used to defend very strongly what you believed was your right to try and break up her and her fiancee.
However, you clearly are still have some disordered thinking since the statement ..."if I never see her again, I can likely never have any sort of female companion for a long time" is completely false. She is not currently your female companion in any way. You haven't had contact with her in months. She was a tutor you worked with that you had a passing friendship with, and who you have obsessed over to an unhealthy degree since then.
I'm sure you are genuinely anxious about speaking to her however, talking to this woman is not going to address your general problems with anxiety and nervousness, or with your fixations and obsessions.
Your problems need to be addressed by a mental health professional. You don't need to live with these sorts of fixations, fantasies and anxieties, but in order to address them properly, you need to work one-on-one with a pro, and be honest with that pro. Coming here, over and over and over again, to ask basically the same question and try to alter the outcome and get the advice you most want to hear, isn't going to help you.
You don't need friendly advice from a stranger.
You need professional psychological assistance.
Please go get that.
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