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is It normal for your mom to have a dildo (link)
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Yes it's normal.
It's also normal for your grandmother to have one!
Why are you going through her things?
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Hello,
Can someone explain this when my boyfriend of month said to me, “you had a contrast in your body language that drove me mad and I liked you from day one.” What’s he saying? Is that the good thing he’s saying?? Thank you for the answers! (link)
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Well since he said it made him like you from day one, I'd take it as a good thing.
I would ask him to go more into detail about what he meant when he said you had a contrast in your body language. It was clearly something he liked so I'd just ask him.
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So this is a kinda weird question to ask. My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship right now, but I'm afraid that once we meet and have sex, I'll get really embarrassed and nervous. Mostly, I'm anxious about how I'll look when I orgasm. Whenever I do, I can't help but... kind of twitch, I guess. My muscles spasm randomly and I jerk around a little. Usually my head goes forward, it's like I'm curling up around my tummy. I feel self-conscious about this. My boyfriend is so sweet and gentle, he always is really sweet when I feel insecure and calms me down when I feel anxious and start panicking. But I'm worried what he'll think. Mostly I'm worried about how nervous I'll be because I'm worried about that. (link)
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I'm pretty sure he'll be enjoying that.
He'd be happy he can pleasure you. It would most likely be a turn on.
It's not weird to orgasm the way you do. It's pretty common anyway.
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Hi, we’ve been dating for 2 months and he has started to call me baby and darling but he uses baby more often. Also, he says you’re a fascinating girl. What is he trying to say? Is this a positive thing to a good relationship. I mean we have said I love you to each other even though it’s only been 2 months of dating. So, calling baby and using fascinating means he loves me?? We both are in our late 20’s. Cheers everyone! (link)
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I would just ask him. Why do you think I'm fascinating?
Baby and darling are just a pet terms for someone you care about.
Being called fascinating isn't negative. But if you want more information as to why he feels this way, just ask.
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I am an 18 year old girl. I am engaged but when I saw my ex I realized I still have feelings for him. I am getting married in 6 months. I don't have any clue. I told my fiancée but he doesn't understand and he wants me to explain. But I cannot for the life of me figure it out myself. Help. Please.
(link)
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Postpone the wedding and figure out your feelings.
Only you know yourself. We can't tell you why or how you feel this way. You need to do this yourself and it's not fair to your fiance to marry him when you're thinking about someone else.
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My boyfriend and i have been together for 4 months. I’ve known him for over a year though. We met through working together. In the beginning he did everything to get my attention. He’d go to the gym with me, we’d go to the movies, he took me to San Antonio, and our conversations were always super friendly and he cared about everything i had to say, i fell for him because he seemed like a really fun and caring man. here lately though he has done nothing but play video games from the time i get to his house until about 3 in the morning. The only time i get his attention is when he wants to have sex, then right after he goes back to his games. It’s super annoying because he’s on his headset screaming at the game and talking to his friends, so not only do i have to listen to the sound of him shooting at virtual zombies i have to listen to him yelling at the game too. We don’t go on dates anymore. I don’t feel loved at all. Every time i ask to go somewhere he doesn’t want to go or he has no money. I have confronted him about it a few times, but he says I’m too needy of his attention and lashes out, it ends up in nothing but negative emotions when i try talking to him, so i have tried to stay quiet, but i want more time too. There’s been times where i have thought about leaving, but i have already invested so much into him and we work together so i don’t want to make things awkward, but I’m at a loss. I feel
like i should be a priority and when I’m around his attention should mostly be about me. I don’t know what to do without starting a fight. Can someone tell me what they would do in this situation?? (link)
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I'm going to second everything adviceman said.
I know you said you confronted him but was it while he was playing video games?
If it was, then I'd take him aside and just talk. Tell him you understand he wants to unwind from work with video games and you're totally on board but you'd still like to go on dates. You don't need to spend money on every date. I'm sure you can google and come up with inexpensive dates. So he doesn't need to keep using those excuses.
If this doesn't work, I'd take a step back. Wait for him to call you. If he asks you to come over, ask what you guys have planned for the day. If he has nothing but chill or relax at home, or sex, just say you're doing something else.
If this keeps happening, he'll get the hint.
It might be rough on you because I'm sure you want to spend time with him. So start making plans with friends and doing things to keep yourself busy.
In the end, if he doesn't put in effort, don't worry about feeling awkward at work. You need to do what's best for you.
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Me and this guy have been talking and hanging out fora few months months. I've told him about my depression and he's been really understanding and supportive, but I was wondering if I should tell him about me hurting myself. Would it be a good/bad idea? Should I trust telling him that? What if he reacts in a bad way?
(I am taking mood stabilizers and antidepressants PLUS going to therapy. I don't need any advice or help on dealing with self harm, but I appreciate the concern.)
Thanks. (link)
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If it's in the past, I'd leave it there.
If not, he should need to find out eventually. Mostly because not everyone will want to date someone who currently harms themselves. It would be better to find out sooner or later.
But I would wait until you guys are beginning to get a little more serious. If you guys have just been talking and hanging out, I would wait.
I also agree with the other columnist. I would talk to your therapist. See what their opinion on this would be.
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Hi ya,
We were having a ciggie outside after a lunch. It was windy and chilly and he asks are you cold coz he could see me saying I'm cold. I was standing few feet away from him and smoking and he would say, why are you standing that far, stay closer to me. Why don't you come closer here to me so that you feel warmer I said no you wish. We'd both burst into laugh, he would say to me you're bossy. We have been friends for a months and we have a boyfriend and girlfriend. I do feel like he likes me but then he could be joking because we do joke a lot. Any thoughts? Thanks (link)
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It doesn't seem like it. I mean joking can be flirting but it doesn't have to be.
To me, since you both are in a relationship it just seems innocent. I wouldn't think too much into it.
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well i been heartbroken over this guy named josiah for 4-5 years, we were close and almost dated. he led me on and used me til didnt need me anymore, and is my first love, kiss who lost virginity to etc. we ent from talking alot flirting etc to all sudden it stopped. idk why still, and foundout from someone that is married now. i tried sending a friend request on facebook, playing it off as dont have these feelings still, but denied request but didnt block. want talk to him so badly, as did have a miscarriage of his child and never griefed properly as kept it from my family cause they lecture me about having feelings for him tho thats not something i can help , tried everything i could think of to move on, and now in a relationship with lance, who treats me like queen do care for just not as much as do josiah. he knows had thing for him in past, as told him how he hurted me badly emotionally dont think it was intentional tho cuase he's best guy i ever knew before lance. what should i do? and want make my current relationship work though im just settling for lance since cannot have josiah like we were... (link)
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You need to break things off with Lance because you're still hung up over another guy. Even though it may hurt to be alone for awhile, it's just not fair to him. You wouldn't be happy if he was just settling for you and he still had feelings for another girl that he can't have.
So first, end things with the guy you're with.
Second, don't try to reach out to Josiah. He denied your Facebook request and he is married. He has moved on.
Third, I'd suggest grieving properly. First, grieving over your past relationship. It's still a loss and you do need to go through the stages of grief. And then second, grieving over the loss of your child.
I'd suggest therapy. It would help you move on and grieve both of your losses.
Take of yourself right now. When relationships end, it's one of the best times to start focusing on yourself. Do things you've been wanting to do. Work out, get that body you've always wanted, eat properly, spoil yourself. Take a class and learn something new.
Better yourself and you'll realize who you deserve and who deserves you.
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I'm 5'4" and weigh 140 lbs. I eat a 70% raw vegan diet, and eat no processed foods (beyond dried fruits), salt, oil, or sugar (well, only 1 teaspoon of black strap molasses in my tea each day). The lowest I've weighed is 135 lbs. Idk why I'm plateauing. I've been this weight for the past year, and lost 40 lbs in the year prior, when I first went vegan. I lost 40 lbs then with barely any exercise. Now, I'm actively exercising (~3-4 days a week) and am stuck. My exercise is to run 3-5 miles, which takes me between 30 mins and 1 hour. I like cardio because I want to just get a skinny figure. I don't care about building muscle. For the first time in my life, I can see a thigh gap developing, but I don't know why I'm losing weight so slowly now. What can I do to increases things? I don't think I'm eating too much, either. Here's an example of what I eat on a typical day. Green smoothie (21 oz of kale, bananas, other seasonal fruits, water, and 1/2 tsp flax seeds) for breakfast, a big salad for lunch (homemade, low fat salad dressing), and veggie soup, steamed brussel sprouts, and a steamed sweet potato for dinner. I'm not starving myself.. should I cut my portions further or focus on exercising harder? Idk what to do. I can't afford a gym and my bike is broken. I'm afraid of exercise tapes and weight lifting, like I said, because I want a thin, modelesque figure, like Alexa Chung. Not super defined or anything. I'm closer to my goal than I've ever been in my life, but now I'm stuck (link)
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Super impressed about how far you've come.
I know you said you only do cardio but I think that may be part of the problem. You can lose fat faster if you do some body weight exercises. You won't start building like a ton of muscles unless you focused on that. But you will lose fat and get skinny faster.
I don't necessarily think being 5'4 and 100 lbs is unhealthy like the other adviser said. As long as you're taking care of yourself and you're not just skin and bones haha.
So I don't know much about a vegan diet so I can't really help you with that but I would say throw some body weight exercises in there.
I learned after the first 20 min of working out, you'll start burning fat.
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I broke up with my boyfriend of two years this past beginning of summer though we were together my sophomore, junior, and senior year with a small breakup in between. When we broke up I handled it very maturely and nicely - more than I should have been but I wanted to leave it on good terms because I genuinely care about him as a person and I told him that and explained everything for why I felt as I did. The main reason I did this was because I didn't want to leave something out in this way or handle it with anger that would make me want to reach out and get "closure." I've already realized that's pointless and stupid. So we talked it through and he was hysterical and so upset but I still went through with it because I know he's not right for me and he didn't treat me right and I deserve better. We havent seen each other since amazingly even though we live in the same town very close and go to school together. I reached out to him once for his bday which was four and half months later just to say happy birthday and hope youre doing well. Since then I hadn't talked to him and I could tell from his response that he missed me and still cared. That was the first and only time I've ever reached out to him because I went cold turkey which I don't regret. I heard from him two months later for Christmas which I was very surprised about and then the following month for my birthday which I woke up to a text from him. He repeatedly said hope your doing well, i'll always be here if you need me, hopefully i'll speak to you again, i'll see you when I see you, and if you ever need to talk and I know him too well that this is his way of saying I miss you and I want you back but is too scared to say it because I dumped him. Not that any of this matters because I do NOT want to get back with him at all i've moved and am happy. But I wonder is it so weird to ask to meet up for coffee and just chat? I mean he was a big part of my life for so long and my best friend. Not about the past or anything I dont need any answers about anything Ive come to terms with it all but I still genuinely care about him as a person. I dont want to be friends cause I know that would give him the wrong impression. Is it unrealistic to catch up with an ex? I've been having this thought of catching up just for the hell of it for like ever. Should I just forget about it? I know he would say yes but im not sure if it would do more harm than good... I dont love him anymore but I still care and I know he does too maybe more than me. Is it dumb to ask to meet up for coffee after so long or no? (link)
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I would say no, I wouldn't go catch up with him.
I'm all for catching up with an ex, but only if there are no feelings involved. And obviously, you don't want to date him, but you said he still misses you. So until you know he doesn't want to be with you, I wouldn't meet up with him.
Once he is over you, you can totally catch up and possibly be friends. But as for now, I don't think it would be any good for him.
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Are victoria's secret models' bodies unrealistic or are americans just delusional because they've collectively grown fatter over decades?
if their bodies are realistic then how are they real? every single video of them is photoshopped? every single paparazzi shot of them is photoshopped? diet and exercise trumps genetics. many top models "coincidentally" were athletic tomboys as children. many also come from developing countries where they weren't used to burgers and pizza all the time. it's no coincidence. we can't control our heights but we're in full control of our physiques if we exercise enough willpower.
it's very lazy when rather than trying to improve their bodies, people would rather change the standard, by trying to make plus size more acceptable. it's not a matter of preference. promoting plus size fashion is the same as promoting diabetes, heart disease, and other top lifestyle killers. people need to wake up. it's also disingenuous, because these same people saying you can never get to that "unrealistic" standard, or that models should eat more burgers, find those models FAR more attractive than the average figure. if average or plus size was just as good you wouldn't see so many gawking at victoria's secret models, sports illustrated models, and etc. these are real people. there are many real, non models with similar figures and it's no bloody accident. even if everyone in your family is obese you can still be slim like them as well with enough effort. i don't get why our society would rather pull wool over our eyes about this issue (link)
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I can agree to some of this.
Victoria secret models' bodies unrealistic?
I'd say yes and no. A lot of models go to unhealthy ways of staying skinny. A lot of them have fallen into eating disorders. But not all of them, some do have healthy eating habits and exercise regularly and safely.
Have you seen bikini models?
It is the same situation. Some are healthy. Some use drugs, steroids, ect.
And yeah most things on media are photoshopped unfortunately.
But I do agree that people should eat healthy and exercise.
The whole plus size situation you're talking about can be positive and negative. I think it should be recognized that not everyone can be skinny, even if they tried. I know some people who are on the larger side and work out and eat great but they weren't built to be skinny.
I think people should stop worrying about being skinny and worry more about being healthy.
There are people who are extremely healthy and are bigger and I've seen skinny people who are not healthy.
Some people have healthy problems where they can't gain weight and some people have health problems where they can't lose weight. Not everyone can look like a model unfortunately and that's ok.
America should stop focusing on how you look. Model like or plus size. America should focus on being healthy.
But who are we kidding? As much as we'd like to make people more aware of the issue, people chose not to hear it. I mean it's cheaper to buy junk food.
And I do agree that some people might use all this as an excuse that they can't lose weight. But we can't say that anyone can be skinny or look like a model, that right there is unrealistic.
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I'll try to make this short. Ive been dating this guy for 4 months now and things have been great. We get along well, shares similar interests, and don't have too many disagreements. He's met my parents and I've met his (i feel as if we could have waited on this but he was so persistent about it) and I often spend time around him and his friends vice versa. The problem is that although we do everything any normal 20 something couple would do, he still will not consider us to be boyfriend and girlfriend. He said that he wants a relationship with me but wanted to wait it out. At first I was okay with this, but I increasingly grew to be more annoyed because it didn't really make sense to me. Especially given all of the things I have done for him that most girls wouldn't do unless the relationship had some seriousness to it. Either way I continued to put my own feelings to the back burner and just accepted that he'll come around. However I recently I found out that he had been on the dating app Tinder just casually checking out girls. I established that he hadn't actually met up with anyone nor took a number, but I was hurt because we both agreed to only seeing each other. With this I told him I was done and that I couldn't handle this situationship anymore and that these actions showed the real reason as to why he didn't want to be exclusive. After some time he came to me saying he didn't want to lose me and that if I gave him until May ( 1.5 months from now) that he'd be ready for us to take it to the next level. I agreed with this because I love him (he tells me he loves me daily) and don't want to lose him, but I struggle with whether or not I should continue to wait. Very confused. (link)
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I relate to this completely.
I would stick it out until May like you said you would. If he doesn't come around, just let things go.
For awhile I was in the same situation. We'd act like a couple and was intimate and met each others parents and spent so much time together. But he didn't want to make it official. I thought it'd be fine, thought he'd come around eventually so I just decided to be content with what we had because I loved him and didn't want to lose him.
But a girl could only do that for so long, at least I couldn't. I told him I needed all or nothing. He said he was disappointed but he understood. So I did what I said I would, I started dating other people. He started talking to me again and he told me he wanted a relationship with me. So we worked things out.
So I would say stick with May, if he doesn't come around, don't wait for him and move on. If he really wants you, he had a chance and he'll realize it. If not, you know he wasn't the right guy for you.
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so i was in a long distance relation but we broke up after 3 months and i tried to fix the problem but she just wouldn't even try and think about it and i tried texting her and she was reading those texts but not replying to any of them and she'd just say "idk what to say"
and after a while she said that i "spam" her with texts but all i sent was 3 texts telling how i feel about her and she called it "spam" and it hurt me a lot and so i blocked her on social media and also in the multiplayer game that we met ! . it's really hard for me to give up on her and i just love her a lot and at this point i'm just hurt a lot and thinking about her MOST of the time and idk what to do....
i'm thinking of reconnecting with her (i know i'm dumb but i just love her a lot) and i don't know whether this is the right thing to do....
i'm thinking of texting her in the game we met
so yea as i said before i'm just confused and don't know what to do that's why i'm asking for your help
Thank you for taking your time in reading this
(link)
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All break ups are tough no matter how it ended.
To me, it doesn't sound like she's as invested as you are. She didn't try to help fix the problems in your relationship and wouldn't reply to your messages.
It sucks loving someone who isn't returning your feelings. My advice would be to move on.
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25/f. I have been dating a guy for about 2 years and we have had a wonderful, beautiful relationship. Yesterday he asked me for a loan and it really really hurt me. I have never had a single friend in my whole life... up until him, the only people who were ever willing to spend time and get to know me were paid to do so. (Teachers, therapists, etc) I am quite well-off, my parents give me full financial support and folks I know have frequently asked me for money for this and that. It always makes me feel so worthless, like I'm an ATM machine or something. I really hoped that Eric would be different and it just makes me really really sad and disappointed. Should I just leave him now?
(link)
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I guess I understand why you're so panicked over this. Since you've had a lot of people ask you for money.
I've had to borrow money from my boyfriend. Even my dad had to borrow money from him. He lost his job and lost my mom so tough times come.
I guess it depends on what he's asking a loan for? School, car problems, ect..then I don't see a problem with it if you guys are exclusive and you trust him. You can even go with what the other adviser said, with a signing a loan document.
This wouldn't be something to just up and leave someone without knowing the details.
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A friend has called me 'my love' recently over the holiday conversation. Is it OK for him to call me that? He's mate though. An honest thoughts please (link)
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Sure. If he doesn't have feelings for you it can just be as friends. Don't over think things. If it bothers you, just go talk to him about it.
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I have a friend I've known for years, recently he came to me saying he had depression. I've been helping him through it but now he's saying he has anxiety - I have anxiety so I've caught him out in a few lies about anxiety because I know a hell of a lot about it myself. Some of the things he says doesn't add up, and he comes to me all the time saying ''I'm going to kill myself on this day'' and I know people with an actual intention of committing suicide don't tell people. I want to be there for him, but with the lies and the constant empty threats of suicide I don't know what to believe. Nothing adds up, he always says he feels like shit but then he's laughing and smiling, if I say I have a problem he says he has it too, he always turns it over to him - for example, I told him the other day I was feeling anxious and he said ''Me too.'' and suddenly started breathing irregularly even though a minute ago he was fine, he told me he's been told by his therapist that he may have bipolar, alchzhimer's and all kinds of crazy diseases that are impossible for him to have at his age, and very unlikely for him to have all of them (he named about 6). He says he wants someone to listen to him and to help him but he always comes to me for advice, it's like he comes to me because I'm the only option and he has nobody else. I don't know what to do. I don't need this kind of negativity in my life but I don't want to abandon him if he really is going through stuff. Is he attention seeking or is he genuinely having problems? (link)
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I second Rahzies advice.
He definitely could be seeking attention as well as having problems. I like that you didn't call him out on all this and that you're trying to find the right way to handle this kind of situation.
Because in case he is serious about suicide, it's something to always take seriously.
When he tells you about his suicidal thoughts, go tell another adult. I don't know your ages but if you're in school, tell a teacher or counselor or his parents. Whether or not he was serious, it's always good to tell somebody because you can't take that on yourself.
When he comes to you about his other medical problems that he's claiming to have, just be nice and explain that you have a lot going on and you care about him so much but you need to take care of yourself first and if he needs someone to go to about all these serious issues, he needs to talk to someone professional. I mean that's what they're there for, right?
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My 14-year-old daughter identifies as gay. Let me make it clear right from the start that I have absolutely no problem with that. If she wants to date girls, I'll treat her girlfriends exactly as I would her boyfriends, and if she got married to a woman someday I would totally welcome my new daughter-in-law into the family.
The thing is, I'm not sure she really IS gay. The reason is that those who I have known who are gay say it's something they've known all their lives (I've certainly always felt hetero). That's not the case with my daughter; in her childhood, she talked about "cute boys" and such, and she's even said that this is something that evolved in her over time. And I don't think it's that she was afraid to tell us; my wife and I have always been very open with her about our position that there is absolutely nothing inherently wrong with being gay. She, in turn, tends to have very little shame about revealing her feelings about people and things (often to a fault!).
My question is: Is it possible for one's sexual preference to change with the onset of puberty? Is it even possible for it to change AT ALL? (link)
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What I've learned is that there is so much flexibility with sexuality.
There are people who have known they were gay their whole lives. There are people who later on realize that they are gay because they prefer women over men or men over women. Some people are attracted to both and would date both, who would be considered bisexuals. Then there are some who are attracted to both but wouldn't date both.
It could be possible your daughter is bisexual. Or maybe she is attracted to both genders but would rather date a girl so she identifies as gay.
It's really nice how supportive you are of your daughter :) she'll figure out who she is as she grows up.
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OMG! I really longed to have a pet cat but my mom is allergic. The only pets i like are cats! But my mom wont let me keep them because she is allergic to them! But I really want one! Please help!
Sincerely,
Confused Cat Lover (link)
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Yeah you can't get a cat if your mom is allergic. That'd just be plain mean to do that to your mom.
I like Rahzie's advice on volunteering at an animal shelter.
Or you can get a hairless cat haha
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I'm a 20 year old female. My boyfriend got super drunk last night and texted me saying his ex has a nicer butt and prettier face. I broke up with him because I feel like drunk words are sober thoughts. He's begging for me back now and saying he'll never forgive himself even told me he loves me. We've been seeing each other for 5 months. Should I forgive him or should I let him go right now that I'm still early in the relationship? (link)
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This one is completely up to you.
You know this guy better than we do. If he usually says stupid things when he drinks, you might be better off or else he might do things like this more often. But if this is a rare thing, maybe you should forgive him.
But like I said, completely up to you. Also depending on whether you'd be able to move past it.
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