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Should I dump my boyfriend who asked me for money?
25/f. I have been dating a guy for about 2 years and we have had a wonderful, beautiful relationship. Yesterday he asked me for a loan and it really really hurt me. I have never had a single friend in my whole life... up until him, the only people who were ever willing to spend time and get to know me were paid to do so. (Teachers, therapists, etc) I am quite well-off, my parents give me full financial support and folks I know have frequently asked me for money for this and that. It always makes me feel so worthless, like I'm an ATM machine or something. I really hoped that Eric would be different and it just makes me really really sad and disappointed. Should I just leave him now?
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You have said nothing bad about him except he asked to borrow money. It would be ridiculous to breakup with someone after a two year relationship because of that alone. You could just say no. Breaking up is a huge overreaction.
As a general rule never loan money to friends or family it can damage a relationship very fast.
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I don't really think this is a reason to leave him. Unless he has asked to borrow a ton of money. If yall have been together for 2 years and this is the first hes asked then why is that bad? It probably took a lot for him to ask you as well.. Fearing you may react as you are now. Sometimes people need a little help and its hard for them to ask for it. If he has a good reason behind it, then be happy he could come to you with anything.
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I guess I understand why you're so panicked over this. Since you've had a lot of people ask you for money.
I've had to borrow money from my boyfriend. Even my dad had to borrow money from him. He lost his job and lost my mom so tough times come.
I guess it depends on what he's asking a loan for? School, car problems, ect..then I don't see a problem with it if you guys are exclusive and you trust him. You can even go with what the other adviser said, with a signing a loan document.
This wouldn't be something to just up and leave someone without knowing the details.
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This is a hard one to answer for several reasons starting with the fact that you two have known each other for two years and this is the first time he has asked for a lone. You say other friends have asked you for money to the point you feel like an ATM machine; this is very understandable from one point though not knowing how long into the relationship they ask you for money makes it hard to decide what to tell you about this request.
Based on what you have written my best advice is this. IF the others immediately or shortly into a friendship or relationship start asking for money then you have every right to be hurt. You have been in a relationship with Eric for two years and this is the first time he has asked you for financial help I can understand your knee jerk reaction though I think you need to take a step back for he may just be different than the others.
If he hasn't told you what he needs to money for I think you should ask him; if it is or something frivolous then you should say no. If it is for something he really needs say for, tuition, car repairs, deposit on a new apartment or maybe he wants to buy you an engagement ring which of course he would not want to tell you about. Then based on what he needs the money for you can decide if you want to LOAN him the money.
Make sure Eric understands this is a loan not a grant and you expect to be repaid. Have him sign a loan agreement. It can be as simple as having him sign an IOU or go on line and down load a simple loan form. This way if he fails to pay you back you can take him to small claims court and have a court order for repayment which gives you options on reclaiming what you loan.
Make sure Eric understands why you need this information and why you want this to be a loan and not a gift or grant. He needs to know your feelings and how you have been hurt in the past.
Right know I would say without knowing the why of his need to leave him would be throwing the baby out with the bath water.
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What did he ask you for a loan for? If it was for school or something to better his life and he showed no signs of bolting than perhaps I could see you helping him or if he needed rent or something along those lines. However, if it's something you feel is trivial or that he's using you than trust your gut. You could ask for collateral.
You should be direct with him and tell him a whole bunch of people are asking you for money all the time because they know you have it and that their reasons aren't right. Tell him that you don't provide money to anyone because you never know if it will be returned. If he balks at that then the relationship was never really strong. Let him know it hurts you that he asked and that it greatly disappoints you.
You could tell him how you felt and then evaluate where the relationship is going for he may be able to accept a firm NO and keep things the way they are. If he isn't happy than maybe this experience is saving you from greater misery with him. Things occur for a reason especially if they're uncomfortable.
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