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Boyfriend spends too much time on video games
My boyfriend and i have been together for 4 months. I’ve known him for over a year though. We met through working together. In the beginning he did everything to get my attention. He’d go to the gym with me, we’d go to the movies, he took me to San Antonio, and our conversations were always super friendly and he cared about everything i had to say, i fell for him because he seemed like a really fun and caring man. here lately though he has done nothing but play video games from the time i get to his house until about 3 in the morning. The only time i get his attention is when he wants to have sex, then right after he goes back to his games. It’s super annoying because he’s on his headset screaming at the game and talking to his friends, so not only do i have to listen to the sound of him shooting at virtual zombies i have to listen to him yelling at the game too. We don’t go on dates anymore. I don’t feel loved at all. Every time i ask to go somewhere he doesn’t want to go or he has no money. I have confronted him about it a few times, but he says I’m too needy of his attention and lashes out, it ends up in nothing but negative emotions when i try talking to him, so i have tried to stay quiet, but i want more time too. There’s been times where i have thought about leaving, but i have already invested so much into him and we work together so i don’t want to make things awkward, but I’m at a loss. I feel
like i should be a priority and when I’m around his attention should mostly be about me. I don’t know what to do without starting a fight. Can someone tell me what they would do in this situation??
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I'm going to second everything adviceman said.
I know you said you confronted him but was it while he was playing video games?
If it was, then I'd take him aside and just talk. Tell him you understand he wants to unwind from work with video games and you're totally on board but you'd still like to go on dates. You don't need to spend money on every date. I'm sure you can google and come up with inexpensive dates. So he doesn't need to keep using those excuses.
If this doesn't work, I'd take a step back. Wait for him to call you. If he asks you to come over, ask what you guys have planned for the day. If he has nothing but chill or relax at home, or sex, just say you're doing something else.
If this keeps happening, he'll get the hint.
It might be rough on you because I'm sure you want to spend time with him. So start making plans with friends and doing things to keep yourself busy.
In the end, if he doesn't put in effort, don't worry about feeling awkward at work. You need to do what's best for you.
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Adviceman is right, he is taking advantage of you. All that stuff he did in the beginning, seeming to have some money to spend on you was all just a sales pitch, false advertising. He was pretending to be someone he is not. I am very familiar with this in people. And its not just males but females do it too. When we want to catch ourselves a partner, we are on our best behavior and will adjust what we say and do to catch the attention of the person we want to get in relationship with. It sometimes lasts weeks, or a few months, this fake persona period. After a person thinks they have you on the hook and you will not want to leave the relationship, they then revert back to their REAL TRUE self. So what you are seeing is who he really is now. Whether he wants to and will change in the future depends on him and first if he's willing to admit that he is neglecting you and putting all his energy into gaming.
If you really feel like wanting to see if you can do something that just might be the thing to give him reason to change, then you can try this. Have a talk in which you set your boundaries. Talk about the change in the amount of attention he pays you. A relationship needs both people putting in equal amount of work for it to succeed. My first marriage was lopsided, I put in the work, he didn't and eventually I ended it. There were other problems too but they don't relate here.
You have to be willing to go through with any consequences you give him or else it won't work. Tell him and also put it in writing that if he doesn't start putting you first or at least as one of his top 3 priorities with a job being one, then you will leave him. If he really loves you, he will see his error and change but I am not holding out hope that he will. I know too many young ladies personally whose husbands sat at home all day on gaming and in some cases, neglecting a child while the gal worked 2 jobs to make ends meet. And the guy wasn't even doing a good job of caring for his own child. Most all these ladies have left their husbands and some filed for divorce. This guy is only a boyfriend and easier to leave if it comes to that. Heres some info from a guy on youtube who gives dating advice to women by explaining what men are like if they really love a woman. I added to it. I will add that in next, a test to discover if this man really loves you, after all, it is love you are looking for right? Not working for free as some guys maid, butler, cook and free sex person. Here it is:
7 Questions to know if he really loves you
1. Does he say I love you. For some, it's a hard thing to say but they show it to you in other ways. When he says I love you, he is viewing that as a commitment to you. It is not a flippant phrase.
Saying I love you too early like during first couple dates is a warning about the guy. Its a very good chance he is needy and wanting a woman to be his mom. Other phrases from a guy count too, like you're awesome, I adore you. You're the woman I always dreamed of.
2. Does he make you a priority in his life? Guys have more than one priority...things very important to him but you should be one of top 3.
What he does for you or how he acts can't be faked easily because it's hard to lie with your body. Things he does without having to be asked, making dinner, picking up something for a collection you have, making time for you, even if it's a walk or a long phone chat. If the guy likes you, he'll make time for you at least a quarter of the time.
3 Does he tell friends about you and like to show you off? Have you been introduced to his family and friends? If he keeps you separate, he's hiding something or ashamed or fearful of something
4. Does he care about your pleasure during sex? Is he only into seeking his own pleasure or your's too. Does he open his eyes and want to have both your eyes connect while making love?
5. Does he respect and encourage you? Respect means, does he value your opinion, do you share decisions and treats you as a partner. Are you encouraged by him to have your own friends and hobbies outside the relationship and encourage you to seek your dreams and uphold you in that.
Jealousy is not love, it's control. It's okay to be protective, but jealousy shouldn't be what prompts the protectiveness
6. Do your friends and family like how he treats you? Others make a great gauge for judging a guys character.
7. Does he look at you with lust and passion in his eyes, with a hunger and thirst for you? Does he give you admiring looks, does he still want to sneak peeks down your shirt. What he sees is Very important since guys are visually stimulated. If he isn't looking anymore, he has lost his interest. All men because of this natural trait, will also view other women but do so discreetly, without being an ass about it. Don't expect a man to look at only you. If he doesn't look at other women at all, it may be a sign that he is gay. You do want a man who is visually stimulated by women.
How many points are true for you with your guy?
7 true He treats you as a Queen and he is an exceptional man
5-6 true He loves you. Just don't focus on what is lacking.
3-4 true He loves you enough to make the relationship work for him. If it's enough for you, then be content. If you feel like you're settling for less, let him go and look for something better.
1-2 true He's a douche-bag, a user or controller. Leave immediately.
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From what you writ he is taking you for granted. In one sense you are providing him with the milk and he is doing nothing to care for the heifer. You many not have heard this term but it is a truism very popular during your grandparents time. Yes I'm that old.
As I see it you have two choices. You can stay home and wait until he calls you. If his call is strictly a booty call you can tell him your tired or something else but turn him down. Keep turning him down until he gets the message.
Plan B so to speak is to sit him down and explain the facts of life to him. Tell him you feel he is taking you for granted. He has to stop taking you for granted and use you just for booty calls. Tell him you understand the need to relax after work but either he makes time for you or you will find someone who will have time for you and actually do things other than sex.
He says your needy that should tell you what he believes a relationship is all about. Plan "B" is basically the 2x4 that some guys need to be hit over the head with to understand there is more to a relationship then sex.
I don't know you though from your writing I can tell you deserve better then him. Don't be afraid to walk from him. At work if you have to interact with him make sure you are cordial and do not raise your voice to him. Make sure there e are others around should he try to start a fight or if he tries to physically harm you or grab you.
As far as telling him you done with him you do not have to do so in person. You can send him and email or text.
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