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I Think My Friend Might Be Attention Seeking - HELP!
I have a friend I've known for years, recently he came to me saying he had depression. I've been helping him through it but now he's saying he has anxiety - I have anxiety so I've caught him out in a few lies about anxiety because I know a hell of a lot about it myself. Some of the things he says doesn't add up, and he comes to me all the time saying ''I'm going to kill myself on this day'' and I know people with an actual intention of committing suicide don't tell people. I want to be there for him, but with the lies and the constant empty threats of suicide I don't know what to believe. Nothing adds up, he always says he feels like shit but then he's laughing and smiling, if I say I have a problem he says he has it too, he always turns it over to him - for example, I told him the other day I was feeling anxious and he said ''Me too.'' and suddenly started breathing irregularly even though a minute ago he was fine, he told me he's been told by his therapist that he may have bipolar, alchzhimer's and all kinds of crazy diseases that are impossible for him to have at his age, and very unlikely for him to have all of them (he named about 6). He says he wants someone to listen to him and to help him but he always comes to me for advice, it's like he comes to me because I'm the only option and he has nobody else. I don't know what to do. I don't need this kind of negativity in my life but I don't want to abandon him if he really is going through stuff. Is he attention seeking or is he genuinely having problems?
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I second Rahzies advice.
He definitely could be seeking attention as well as having problems. I like that you didn't call him out on all this and that you're trying to find the right way to handle this kind of situation.
Because in case he is serious about suicide, it's something to always take seriously.
When he tells you about his suicidal thoughts, go tell another adult. I don't know your ages but if you're in school, tell a teacher or counselor or his parents. Whether or not he was serious, it's always good to tell somebody because you can't take that on yourself.
When he comes to you about his other medical problems that he's claiming to have, just be nice and explain that you have a lot going on and you care about him so much but you need to take care of yourself first and if he needs someone to go to about all these serious issues, he needs to talk to someone professional. I mean that's what they're there for, right?
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He's probably seeking attention AND genuinely having problems, even if they aren't all the problems he's naming.
None of which means you can't put up healthy boundaries. Let him know that although you care for him, you've been dealing with your own stuff long enough to know that you have to take care of yourself first. If he needs more support, then he needs more professional support. It's not fair to expect you to take on that burden.
Don't worry about catching him in lies. That's not going to be healthy or helpful for either of you. Just speak up for what you need. If you need some space, then tell him that.
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