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He Wants Me To Wait For Him To Be Ready To Commit
I'll try to make this short. Ive been dating this guy for 4 months now and things have been great. We get along well, shares similar interests, and don't have too many disagreements. He's met my parents and I've met his (i feel as if we could have waited on this but he was so persistent about it) and I often spend time around him and his friends vice versa. The problem is that although we do everything any normal 20 something couple would do, he still will not consider us to be boyfriend and girlfriend. He said that he wants a relationship with me but wanted to wait it out. At first I was okay with this, but I increasingly grew to be more annoyed because it didn't really make sense to me. Especially given all of the things I have done for him that most girls wouldn't do unless the relationship had some seriousness to it. Either way I continued to put my own feelings to the back burner and just accepted that he'll come around. However I recently I found out that he had been on the dating app Tinder just casually checking out girls. I established that he hadn't actually met up with anyone nor took a number, but I was hurt because we both agreed to only seeing each other. With this I told him I was done and that I couldn't handle this situationship anymore and that these actions showed the real reason as to why he didn't want to be exclusive. After some time he came to me saying he didn't want to lose me and that if I gave him until May ( 1.5 months from now) that he'd be ready for us to take it to the next level. I agreed with this because I love him (he tells me he loves me daily) and don't want to lose him, but I struggle with whether or not I should continue to wait. Very confused.
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I relate to this completely.
I would stick it out until May like you said you would. If he doesn't come around, just let things go.
For awhile I was in the same situation. We'd act like a couple and was intimate and met each others parents and spent so much time together. But he didn't want to make it official. I thought it'd be fine, thought he'd come around eventually so I just decided to be content with what we had because I loved him and didn't want to lose him.
But a girl could only do that for so long, at least I couldn't. I told him I needed all or nothing. He said he was disappointed but he understood. So I did what I said I would, I started dating other people. He started talking to me again and he told me he wanted a relationship with me. So we worked things out.
So I would say stick with May, if he doesn't come around, don't wait for him and move on. If he really wants you, he had a chance and he'll realize it. If not, you know he wasn't the right guy for you.
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You agreed to give him until May so keep your word and give him till May. If you don't say true to the your word, no relationship can work.
however don't become any more attached then you already are. Keep in mind he is NOT your boyfriend and you own him nothing.
If things don't work out, just make sure to learn from this situation. It seems you fell for this guy real fast. Falling in love before your are even dating is not a good idea. Also agreeing not to see other people seems a strange rule to make with someone you are not dating.
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well, when i was 16, i had a four year sitautionship. once we had kissed had sex he left me. his name was Josiah cox, and was a good guy. still heartbroken cause i waited for him and even asked him out. he did not want a relationship yet, and yet had all the signs of loving me back. best to do what your heart says and know its risky, to wait on a guy and suppose be the other way around. i let someone new end who treats me better, but am insecure cause of Josiah. in my opinion best to move on before you get seriously hurt like i did.
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A great amount of guys in their twenties are not yet ready to committ to a steady relationship nor to marriage. A reason may be that they have not yet had a chance as an adult to consider all their options and date around. However, dating around for both females and males serves no purpose if each does not have a good solid idea of what they are looking for in an intimate partner and marriage mate. He may just need a more solid idea of what he is looking for. Once two such people find each other and the chemistry is right, they won't just admire each other or like each other much or love some things about the other, they will fall 'in love' with each other and THAT my dear is what most every woman is really hoping for. 4 months is not too soon to fall in love instantly but it is pretty rare. Most people need more time taking anywheres up to a year. There are a few who hold out longer too. But getting to the point, it isn't time necessarily that will determine if both are right for each other but the amount of visits together, talking for hours and really getting to know each others mind, doing things together, seeing each other at their emotional worst and best, doing special things for each other.... going to a movie or just getting together for sex and warming each others bed is not what helps a guy decide he wants any particular woman because he loves her. Not saying this is you but adding it in to give you whole picture.
I would say he's a good bet because he is already subconsciously doing many of the things a guy will do IF he loves a girl. Don't put any pressure on him and try to put more quality time, whatever you think will help him to be more certain that you are the right one for him so he has no qualms about committing. Don't demand an answer in May but give him a month or two more. Then if he is still undecided, something that helps a person realize their love for someone is if they come across a situation where they fear losing the person. this could happen due to ending up in the hospital where its iffy that you will survive, or much easier, seeing another guy paying attention to you. Or maybe even going out with. Rather than get a guy involved who may already have an interest in you, think of a male friend who who know 100% for sure is just a good friend, or ask a male cousin he may not know to help you out. If he has no issues with you supposedly seeing others as you make it appear,, then he is not in love with you, though he may love a few of your qualities. Theres a big difference. I may love icecream for some qualities like its creaminess, coldness and flavor, and people do that with people too, assuming this in the kind of love that will carry a relationship. Unfortunately, it is often not enough. In closing, here is a transcript of a video by a man for women (that I have added to) on how to recognize if a guy loves you. Aa I said, he's already doing several by the things you shared, maybe more.
DOES HE LOVE ME?
Either he's doing a bad job of showing it to you or you are doing a bad job of picking up on the signals.
Why some relationships aren't working in a nut shell:
Some women give their love and devotion to a guy who doesn't deserve it, who is wrong for her
while others no matter how plain and simple the signs are of his love and devotion, they don't see it or trust it because of lack of self confidence.
1 A woman's insecurity and neediness will kill a man's love
Do you love me, do you love me? No matter what he says or does, she never believes him, even if he's never done anything to earn her distrust.
2 It's impossible to love others and be loved by others unless you love yourself first.
Don't look to a man for all your self esteem and self worth. Have it already before relationship..
3. Men do not show love the same way women do. For them it's how they feel when she is around and how she fulfills the dreams of the woman he's wanted and how possessive he feels if another man was paying too much attention to her. Some women tranlate love into his obsession for her and devotion while men translate her love for him as being appreciated and respected.
7 Questions to know if he really loves you
1. Does he say I love you. For some, it's a hard thing to say but they show it to you in other ways. When he says I love you, he is viewing that as a commitment to you. It is not a flippant phrase.
Saying I love you too early like during first couple dates is a warning about the guy. Its a very good chance he is needy and wanting a woman to be his mom. Other phrases from a guy count too, like you're awesome, I adore you. You're the woman I always dreamed of.
2. Does he make you a priority in his life? Guys have more than one priority...things very important to him but you should be one of top 3.
What he does for you or how he acts can't be faked easily because it's hard to lie with your body. Things he does without having to be asked, making dinner, picking up something for a collection you have, making time for you, even if it's a walk or a long phone chat. If the guy likes you, he'll make time for you at least a quarter of the time.
3 Does he tell friends about you and like to show you off? Have you been introduced to his family and friends? If he keeps you separate, he's hiding something or ashamed or fearful of something
4. Does he care about your pleasure during sex? Is he only into seeking his own pleasure or your's too. Does he open his eyes and want to have both your eyes connect while making love?
5. Does he respect and encourage you? Respect means, does he value your opinion, do you share decisions and treats you as a partner. Are you encouraged by him to have your own friends and hobbies outside the relationship and encourage you to seek your dreams and uphold you in that.
Jealousy is not love, it's control. It's okay to be protective, but jealousy shouldn't be what prompts the protectiveness
6. Do your friends and family like how he treats you? Others make a great gauge for judging a guys character.
7. Does he look at you with lust and passion in his eyes, with a hunger and thirst for you? Does he give you admiring looks, does he still want to sneak peeks down your shirt. What he sees is Very important since guys are visually stimulated. If he isn't looking anymore, he has lost his interest. All men because of this natural trait, will also view other women but do so discreetly, without being an ass about it. Don't expect a man to look at only you. If he doesn't look at other women at all, it may be a sign that he is gay. You do want a man who is visually stimulated by women.
How many points are true for you with your guy?
7 true He treats you as a Queen and he is an exceptional man
5-6 true He loves you. Just don't focus on what is lacking.
3-4 true He loves you enough to make the relationship work for him. If it's enough for you, then be content. If you feel like you're settling for less, let him go and look for something better.
1-2 true He's a douche-bag, a user or controller. Leave immediately.
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