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Should I Meet Up with my Ex?
I broke up with my boyfriend of two years this past beginning of summer though we were together my sophomore, junior, and senior year with a small breakup in between. When we broke up I handled it very maturely and nicely - more than I should have been but I wanted to leave it on good terms because I genuinely care about him as a person and I told him that and explained everything for why I felt as I did. The main reason I did this was because I didn't want to leave something out in this way or handle it with anger that would make me want to reach out and get "closure." I've already realized that's pointless and stupid. So we talked it through and he was hysterical and so upset but I still went through with it because I know he's not right for me and he didn't treat me right and I deserve better. We havent seen each other since amazingly even though we live in the same town very close and go to school together. I reached out to him once for his bday which was four and half months later just to say happy birthday and hope youre doing well. Since then I hadn't talked to him and I could tell from his response that he missed me and still cared. That was the first and only time I've ever reached out to him because I went cold turkey which I don't regret. I heard from him two months later for Christmas which I was very surprised about and then the following month for my birthday which I woke up to a text from him. He repeatedly said hope your doing well, i'll always be here if you need me, hopefully i'll speak to you again, i'll see you when I see you, and if you ever need to talk and I know him too well that this is his way of saying I miss you and I want you back but is too scared to say it because I dumped him. Not that any of this matters because I do NOT want to get back with him at all i've moved and am happy. But I wonder is it so weird to ask to meet up for coffee and just chat? I mean he was a big part of my life for so long and my best friend. Not about the past or anything I dont need any answers about anything Ive come to terms with it all but I still genuinely care about him as a person. I dont want to be friends cause I know that would give him the wrong impression. Is it unrealistic to catch up with an ex? I've been having this thought of catching up just for the hell of it for like ever. Should I just forget about it? I know he would say yes but im not sure if it would do more harm than good... I dont love him anymore but I still care and I know he does too maybe more than me. Is it dumb to ask to meet up for coffee after so long or no?
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I would say no, I wouldn't go catch up with him.
I'm all for catching up with an ex, but only if there are no feelings involved. And obviously, you don't want to date him, but you said he still misses you. So until you know he doesn't want to be with you, I wouldn't meet up with him.
Once he is over you, you can totally catch up and possibly be friends. But as for now, I don't think it would be any good for him.
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you should give him a chance, to be friends and meet up for coffee or something. and make it clear in a very nice way that you dont have those feelings, but do care about him as a person to him and not through a relative i say that cause a guy did this to me, but we end up being friends again and i move on to a better relationship and need that closure myself.
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You shouldn't meet up with your ex. For the sake of your own and his own well being. Friendship isn't an option, you'll hurt him in the process, and it is very difficult to care about someone, yet treat them like an acquaintance. Five years from now, he'll be a distant memory and you'll be glad you ended that chapter. No more texts or communication that keep the door open for hope. Keep the can of worms closed.
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firstly "Is it unrealistic to catch up with an ex?" that depends on the ex and the situation. some ex you can be friends with after and others you can not.
The ex in question is a big hell no. you can not get coffee with him and you should not even send happy bday via facebook.
I understand the desire to know what an ex is up to. I care about my exes as well. I keep and ear to the ground just out of curiosity. my advice is to talk to mutual friends and find out thru them. Just make sure they are not the sort of friends that are going to tell him you were asking. that would send him the wrong signals.
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I think you could easily answer your own question. Heres how: Just imagine the situation in reverse, putting yourself in his shoes so to speak. How you would feel will determine whether this is a good idea or not.
So lets make up an imaginary guy, someone even better than him, you don't want to figure this one out with his faults. Your ex thinks you are the perfect person for him and is still pining for you. Now imagine your perfect guy for you dumping you cus there are some things he can't live with but you still think he is perfect. Would you have it so easy letting him go? Then lets say that he says he would like to meet over coffee, just as friends, to catch up. If you are really honest with yourself, you will see what I see if it was happening to me. It would give me false hope of maybe getting back together cus in my heart I am still crazy about him. At the end of such a meeting when he leaves and doesn't invite me back as his girlfriend, I would be hurt and torn up all over again. I would feel like having a healing scab that is part way healed and then someone tears the scab off again. It would hurt to have old wounds opened, or worse wounds that never healed having some foreign objects ground into them. In my frame of mind, I would not see his coffee meet up as a friendly gesture from a friend but more along the lines of 'rubbing it in' and making me even more miserable. That is if I am honest with myself. That is how I would feel and I believe how most people would react. You may be one of few people on this planet who can handle this without your emotions getting hurt if it were happening to you. Your ex may not be that strong. If you care about him as you say, then think of his feelings and how he would handle such an invite. ONly then will you know whether to go thru with it or not and whether he can handle it.
If you find you really still want to go thru with the invite, then perhaps you could do the invite but repeat a few times for him that this is not a chance to get back together as boyfriend girlfriend, that it is over as far as being a couple but you want to remain friends staying in touch. Leave it up to him whether to meet with you or not. Keep in mind he may be so desperate to get back with you that he could ignore your warnings that you are not going to get back together, in hopes he could somehow convince you to take him back. It could turn the tables and make such a meeting uncomfortable for you with him ignoring your protests and putting the moves on you. I do not know this guy. I do not know which way he will respond but you have a better hold on what he might do and how he may likely react. Listen to your inner voice before you act.
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