Hey! I'm Andrea.. my cousin has a column here, DarkChocolate794.
I've been giving advice here for a long long time. I've been through more than you'll know. I've managed to stay normal thanks to Jesus.
I'm nowhere near perfect. I'm a busy girl,so I don't have much time to get on as I used to. I'll hit you up immediately if you inbox me.
Gender: Female
Location: DMV
Occupation: Researcher
Age: 23
Member Since: November 1, 2004
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I broke up with my boyfriend of two years this past beginning of summer though we were together my sophomore, junior, and senior year with a small breakup in between. When we broke up I handled it very maturely and nicely - more than I should have been but I wanted to leave it on good terms because I genuinely care about him as a person and I told him that and explained everything for why I felt as I did. The main reason I did this was because I didn't want to leave something out in this way or handle it with anger that would make me want to reach out and get "closure." I've already realized that's pointless and stupid. So we talked it through and he was hysterical and so upset but I still went through with it because I know he's not right for me and he didn't treat me right and I deserve better. We havent seen each other since amazingly even though we live in the same town very close and go to school together. I reached out to him once for his bday which was four and half months later just to say happy birthday and hope youre doing well. Since then I hadn't talked to him and I could tell from his response that he missed me and still cared. That was the first and only time I've ever reached out to him because I went cold turkey which I don't regret. I heard from him two months later for Christmas which I was very surprised about and then the following month for my birthday which I woke up to a text from him. He repeatedly said hope your doing well, i'll always be here if you need me, hopefully i'll speak to you again, i'll see you when I see you, and if you ever need to talk and I know him too well that this is his way of saying I miss you and I want you back but is too scared to say it because I dumped him. Not that any of this matters because I do NOT want to get back with him at all i've moved and am happy. But I wonder is it so weird to ask to meet up for coffee and just chat? I mean he was a big part of my life for so long and my best friend. Not about the past or anything I dont need any answers about anything Ive come to terms with it all but I still genuinely care about him as a person. I dont want to be friends cause I know that would give him the wrong impression. Is it unrealistic to catch up with an ex? I've been having this thought of catching up just for the hell of it for like ever. Should I just forget about it? I know he would say yes but im not sure if it would do more harm than good... I dont love him anymore but I still care and I know he does too maybe more than me. Is it dumb to ask to meet up for coffee after so long or no? (link)
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You shouldn't meet up with your ex. For the sake of your own and his own well being. Friendship isn't an option, you'll hurt him in the process, and it is very difficult to care about someone, yet treat them like an acquaintance. Five years from now, he'll be a distant memory and you'll be glad you ended that chapter. No more texts or communication that keep the door open for hope. Keep the can of worms closed.
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I have been with my husband for 19 years. I'm 35. We have two kids (5&9). He is a great guy, wonderful father and tries his best to treat me well. The truth is, I have lost all the fire with him for the past 5 years. I don't think we would be together if it wasn't for our kids. We have grown apart. I do not want to be intimate with him at all. He doesn't feel the same way. We are two different people. Here us a twist: a guy who I have always called "the one who got away" has randomly appeared in my life! I'm ignoring the fact that his makes me FEEL SOMETHING again to try to address what to do with my marriage. Um losing sleep, I'm completely ridden with anxiety all the time about what divorce would mean for my kids. (link)
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I'm answering in order to affirm the responses of the other wonderful advice givers on this column. You have a great guy who treats you well, and is a great father by your own profession- don't divorce him. That in its own right is worth fighting for, even without children. The well being of your children is simply an important aside. Divorce will negatively impact your children.
Love and marriage are an interesting thing. Sometimes, you won't always feel in love with your spouse, but you still love your spouse. Are you still friends with your spouse? If not, work on that. Try new things together. Make it a point to have fun together. Go on dates, and make an effort for him, like new couples do. Treating an old relationship like a new relationship can bring out what you fell in love with in your spouse.
Communicate your feelings to your spouse. Sharing can help promote emotional intimacy, which helps women with sexual intimacy. From there you both can figure out what you both can do to improve the relationship. If he brushes it off because he feels happy, get outside help. Further emphasize how unhappy you feel. Don't threaten "I'm one step away from leaving you for a former flame," but let him know that the spark is lost, and that you truly do need some form of an intervention to feel happy in the marriage. Find a marriage therapist or a sex therapist if you need to. Warm him up to the idea by telling him that it isn't a permanent fixture, but that it would be nice if you both could commit to the process for a few months. Often, once noted improvement is seen, a reluctant spouse will grow to see the value of the intervention.
You were rather young when you met your husband, so I'm not sure you had many, or any serious prior relationships. When break ups happen, it becomes easy to remember all the wonderful things about the person. Then you start wondering why you broke up, you miss them- it is tumultuous. The one who got away is a distraction. Honestly search yourself to see if you would risk dissolving your household if there were no potential prospects around. You may be curious, but don't learn pain unnecessarily by experience. Marriage is a commitment- for better or for worse. Marriage wasn't invented to make you happy 100% of the time. You will feel a lot of regret if you take an axe to a good thing. When you see couples that have been married for 40-50 years, it's not because they didn't have rough patches. The grass is greener where you water it.
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I'm 5'4" and weigh 140 lbs. I eat a 70% raw vegan diet, and eat no processed foods (beyond dried fruits), salt, oil, or sugar (well, only 1 teaspoon of black strap molasses in my tea each day). The lowest I've weighed is 135 lbs. Idk why I'm plateauing. I've been this weight for the past year, and lost 40 lbs in the year prior, when I first went vegan. I lost 40 lbs then with barely any exercise. Now, I'm actively exercising (~3-4 days a week) and am stuck. My exercise is to run 3-5 miles, which takes me between 30 mins and 1 hour. I like cardio because I want to just get a skinny figure. I don't care about building muscle. For the first time in my life, I can see a thigh gap developing, but I don't know why I'm losing weight so slowly now. What can I do to increases things? I don't think I'm eating too much, either. Here's an example of what I eat on a typical day. Green smoothie (21 oz of kale, bananas, other seasonal fruits, water, and 1/2 tsp flax seeds) for breakfast, a big salad for lunch (homemade, low fat salad dressing), and veggie soup, steamed brussel sprouts, and a steamed sweet potato for dinner. I'm not starving myself.. should I cut my portions further or focus on exercising harder? Idk what to do. I can't afford a gym and my bike is broken. I'm afraid of exercise tapes and weight lifting, like I said, because I want a thin, modelesque figure, like Alexa Chung. Not super defined or anything. I'm closer to my goal than I've ever been in my life, but now I'm stuck (link)
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Your BMI will be too low if you lose 40 pounds. A BMI of under 18.5 is underweight, and that is not healthy.
Healthy weight loss happens slowly. To lose 30 pounds (which would have your BMI on the low side of normal at 18.9) should take you 4 months if you consistently lose 2 pounds a week, which is doable with a lot of hard work and dedication. Losing weight slowly will prevent you from readily gaining it back.
Cut your carbs. Eat carbs only before exercising. Lower your fruit and starch intake and increase your leafy greens.
If you up your protein intake and start lifting weights you can obtain the figure you want without losing more weight-just an aside. I spent a lot of time thinking the number on the scale was key. Body composition matters. You can look 110 at 130 or 140 if you exercise smarter and up your protein.
And don't force your body to do the impossible in order to fit into unrealistic beauty standards, created by men to make women feel inferior. You eat healthy and exercise, your body will sustain you in wonderful health- love it always.
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Today my boyfriend hit me, and not just once, and not consecutively...but each blow came from a burst of anger Coming out alongside aggressive words. Right to my head. Now I will say he held back (he is much bigger and if he really wanted to do damage he could have done much more). We have a long history. We dated before. He is the first real romantic partner I had who I was head over heels for. I still am. I'm totally hopelessly in love with a maniac. So the first go around we broke up because we both did not communicate our feelings well and he was also very jealous and possessive and there were problems with substance abuse. He is also or was diagnoses with Being bi polar. I take this seriously, and unfortunately I'm very patient and overly understanding. We spent three years apart...we both are still in love...circumstance reunited us and I have been so happy. I could tell he was making a real effort to change. He does small things to show me he Cares, he really listens when I talk, he has patience now...no more fits of jealousy. We typically avoid alcohol, because it is not good for either of us. Occasionally we have a couple beers...today maybe we had one too many. I didnt do anything to anger him (even if I did I know that's not an okay response).
As you can imagine I am very confused now. He also left me stranded in the dark in a place im not familiar with! In fact another man in his car pulled up and asked me if I wanted to make some money. Sick.
So we have also been going through nicotine withdrawal and that is no joke either ! Once he acted out....it got worse, I think he WAs so shocked and embarrassed that he RAN with it and it escalated from there..
I am feeling pathetic because I do not want it to end and yet I know how bad that was and how this does not sound good...and in most cases these things not only continue but get worse. But I strongly believe we can make things work in a healthy way and that this was due to alcohol and nicotine withdrawal. We have the same views and life goals, and I really love everything...but he hit me in the head and he feels like he is a threat to me. He did research and is now seing the abusive traits in his personality.
If we continue I will remember to tale alcohol more seriously and avoid drinking with him.
Feedback on getting help or moving forward?
He has also always had a temper ...one time I was at his house and he kicked in a table after fighting with his parents, but I've never seen him hit his mom..
:(
We have been traveling together for a month, car camping and backpacking. (link)
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This man does not love you. That is the most important thing you need to understand from this comment. He does not love you. He does not respect you. There is a man out there who will love you. He will have similar life goals and plans. And he will never hit you. He won't be prone to anger. You need to get to the root of why you don't love YOURSELF enough to believe this. You love this man, who I repeat, DOES NOT love you, more than you love yourself. Don't make any more excuses for him. He is an abuser.
I speak to many women like you, and I can assure you your feelings are normal. Unhealthy, but normal. You need to make a decision and stick to it. As you can assume, the best answer in this situation is to break up with this man and get a safe distance away from him. Easier said than done in these situations, but 100% worth doing. Better to do it now (when prayerfully, you don't have kids with him). I am optimistic that you will heed good counsel the first time around.
Some things to keep you safe. Consider pressing charges. Call the police so there is a record. Even if you don't break up with him, (which you should, as soon as safely possible) a record will be available so that when you decide to seek protective services if you choose to leave further in the future, you can get that help immediately.
Consider getting a restraining order against him. This again will show protective officers that you have a reason to be afraid of him, so that in the event that later on down the line, that you may need greater protective measures, they will help you.
Finally, if you and your boyfriend live together, get a police escort to help you move out your things (once you secure a safe alternative accommodation). There are many places that will be glad to help you, near you. Many churches will happily take you in. Do an incognito google search for help in intimate partner violence situations.
Tell one person you trust what happened. At the very least, tell one person that your boyfriend isn't the nicest guy. They can even live across the country from you, if you don't want to risk them ruining your relationship (that I'll repeat, needs to end, preferably as soon as it can be done safely). I say this in the terrifying event that he did something worse than what has already happened- that individual may be the only person who can help you. Also, make an emergency kit- it can be an emergency purse. Something you can grab and go with in a hurry if it ever became necessary. It can have a blanket and some cash and a list of important numbers you could call in the event you need to flee without grabbing everything you need.
If I were in your shoes, I would break up with him tomorrow. I would tell a friend I was going to break up with him and where I was going to do it (I would pick a public place). I would block him off of everything, and change my number. I would also move as soon as possible, and proceed to get police protection. Finally, I would seek out therapy in order to learn how to properly grieve the loss (because losing a relationship, even with an abuser, is a loss). Therapy will help you navigate these changes in your life, in addition to helping you discover and address the root of why you don't love yourself as much as an intelligent, beautiful, worthy woman like yourself should.
National Domestic Violence Hotline 800-799-7233
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I'm in the process of wanting to commit suicide as I want to be with my son, I haven't got anyone at all, my partner ignores me blames me for what our son did, he wrote me a letter blameing me and how much he hates me and he wished I was dead instead, I'm having nightmares and dreaming of being with my son so so much, iv tryd to get help and I cant get any at all, I'm on medications and it makes me feel even worse, I sit up each and every night now as iv planned my suicide to the end, as I vet left at him on my own quite alot and i know I wouldn't be found till.i am dead, I need help and I cant get it so what's the point, I wouldn't be missed at all as I'm always on my own anyway, I tryd it last year and it felt so good as it took the pain away what I was feeling, cant believe I am still here, please help me or vive me son advice to help me please, next time I'm going to go somewhere very spe ial so I has to be right I do t want to wake.yp I'm done and fed up, iv found homes for my pets tht iv raised and they don't need me now, thank you for reading (link)
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I can assure you that ending your life is not the answer. As a woman of faith, I have my beliefs on what lies on the other side of this life. I truly believe Psalm 34:18 will prove itself to be true in your life, if you allow Him to. The pain is severe and real in this moment, and it will never go away, but it will get better. There are so many things to live for- laughter and sunsets and good food, as well as every individual you encounter that cares about you. Your family, your coworkers, your neighbors-you matter to them more than you know and remember right now.
If the spiritual side of my plea doesn't appeal to you, I understand. Secularly speaking, nobody knows what is on the other side- there is no guarantee that what comes next is any better than now. People hope that they'll be reunited with loved ones who have passed on...but what if absolutely nothing follows? Ending your life is no promise of an escape.
Your life is valuable and you have a purpose. The story of your life can serve the world as you inspire others with your strength. You're here for a reason. Get help. See a counselor, therapist, psychotherapist, or a psychiatrist. Your health insurance can cover these things- just google providers and your insurance name and you can get covered therapy.
1-800-273-8255 This hotline should help you as well.
Press on. You can do this.
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My boyfriend asked me tonight if I was a virgin because he is and has never done anything at all. We've been dating on a couple weeks and I didn't know how to answer it though. This is why:
I've gave a few guys head
I've been fingered A LOT
I had anal twice
I masturbate like once a day
I never had like...sex sex, you know? Like the making babies kind LOL. You know what I mean. Does that mean I'm a virgin? (link)
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In my opinion- anal makes you not a virgin. But honestly, be upfront with your boyfriend about what you've done. Fingering and masturbation aren't sex so you can leave those out, but some consider oral to be sex as well. Since you can get STD's from oral and anal, its worth mentioning. Good luck!
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I am a 14 year old "girl." First off, I'd like to tell u I'm very mature for my age and I attract people from left to rite. Also i do NOT like being the center of attention. My mom, little sister and I were at my mothers friends' house and she had a little son. He was about 3 and he kept chasing me, wanting me to hold him and of course I did..I didn't want to hurt his feelings anyways but every time he sees me he whines and wants me to hold him. My parents are divorced, I don't like admitting that btw but every weekend I come back home from my fathers(which is very early in the morning) my sister will always get out of bed and start kissing me, hugging me and my mother tells me I'm all she talks about when I'm out of her sight. The same with my two little cousins. Whenever they see me they are all over me, they keep hugging me, wanting me to play games with them, encouraging me to. They always invite me to come over to their house. Also my pastors wife told me one night that she felt in her heart that I am very important to God and I need to read Jeremiah 29:11 and put my name in that verse. My loved ones have even said they have always felt God has something really special for me. Another thing, I am creativingly inclined(so they say) I play guitar, saxophone, clarinet. I also enjoy singing, dancing, sports, photography and making things. I am also very modest, self conscious, and sweet.. I've also always felt like Earth isn't where I belong and I'm from somewhere else...and no matter how much I love or work hard in a relationship I'll never be good enough.. One more thing.. Satan has tried discouraging me soo many times but I've always defeated him with verses from the bible.. I am very close to God btw and I am on a Praise and Worship Team at my church. Sorry for the lengthy description but Thank u in advance(: (link)
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No, you aren't an incarnate angel. That doesn't exist in Christianity. Humans were created one step below angels (Read Hebrews 2 verses 5-7.) You're a blessed child of God.
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what does it mean when your ex has a girlfriend but wants to kiss yoi in the bathroom.he told me he doesn't care if she breaks up with him. (link)
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It means he's a jerk and there's a good reason he's your ex. It also means if you get back with him he'll be trying to cheat on you with other girls. Ignore his advances.
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i live in israel and at every corner store they have an array of nuts- im addicted to the sugar or candy coated pecans. im not sure what htey are but they are sosososoosos fattening.
how could eat them with feeling guilt free?
or put them in my diet so i dont gain weight? (link)
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If these nuts have a nutritional label, eat the serving size. If not, a handful is plenty. No more than that or you probably won't reap the benefits of eating nuts.
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all i ate today was liek 2 handfull over sugar coated pecans.
is that bad? (link)
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Of course it is.
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Well, I'm his first girlfriend ( I'm 14 he is 15, dating for one month) so obviously he's quite unsure and a bit cautious. I really want him to loosen up and feel more open with me. He is also very proud because I am above his league, so he's bragging to his friends which is a bit immature and they tell me it annoys them. What should I do? (link)
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You guys are young and haven't been going out for too long. Give it time, he's nervous because your above his leauge, he doesn't want to be lame in front of you. Tell him very nicely that you guys are equals, that you like him as much as he likes you, so there's no need for him to rant to all his friends. After all you don't want his friends in u guy's buisness later you know? And he will probably understand that. After doing so, if his friends come up to you, say that you've talked to him and now it's their turn. Dudes can tell eachother to shut up and its no big deal uno? Good luck =D
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Everytime my periods coming, my boobs swell a whole cup size. Its very painful, and there not very large. Just B cups, but when they swell to a C's it hurts really badly. I don't know what to do or how to stop this from happening.
Is there any way i can stop this from happening? (link)
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Avoid salt, they help your body bloat. But this is a very normal reaction to your period.
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i'm getting a perm saturday and my scalp itches like crazy. what can i do to stop the itch? also how many days prior to the perm should i stop scratching my scalp. please help i want to avoid the pain :( (link)
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Stop scratching like a week before, cut your nails, and because your a lil behind, go for a run or sumthin so you'll sweat and spare your scalp a bit. I've washed and scratched my head the day before however, and it wasn't bad. Don't worry too much!
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so my long distance boyfriend broke up with me today.
i kinda saw it coming becuase he wanted a "break" three days ago and didn't talk to me for those three days
but I guess I was expecting him to come back to me like every other time.
im in love with him and I'm completing heart broken.
he wasn't a bad breakup at all actually.
he told me he just couldn't deal with the distance and its just too hard for him right now and he can't do it.
i asked him if we could still be friends and he said that he was hoping we can be, so I'm happy about that. but I just wish we were still together
our distance isn't far at all though if you really think about it. its about 6 hours away at the most. and every weekend if we both drove 3 hours we could make it work.
but he always chose everyone else before me. it felt like everything was more important then me. but he always insists he loves me more and all that.
i understand his decision and I respect him for that but I don't understad why he decided after 6 months this isn't going to work out?
also I asked him if we would ever be together again and he said maybe idk. but I believe that he just said that to be nice.
also I told him to just talk to me whenever he wants to then ( as friends) and he said ok bye.
i really want to say something that would maybe make him change his mind. but a part of me doesn't want to contact him at all. I want to wait and see if we trys talking to me first.
what should I do. or say to him if I decide to talk to him? (link)
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Please don't bother trying to talk to him too much. He's not that into you. "Can we be together in the future, IDK" Thats not a good answer at all. Move on, if he really loves you like he said, he wouldn't have broken up with you. He puts others before you, be happy you didn't waste more than 6 months on him. You guys are long distance already and he needs a break, that makes no sense. You try to call him, he doesn't answer, he won't talk to you- he probably thinks your clingy and he's saying "WE'RE OVER" as "nicely" as he can without hurting you, which has failed. I've read 3 of your posts, and I know it's hard but you'll get over him someday.
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sooo ok dont judge me because im asking this. im completely normal, i just love my boyfriend so much. weve been dating for 2 years and he suffers from schitzophrenia and he refuses to take medication because he hates the way it makes him feel. i feel so horrible 4 him because he is in so much pain and its just getting so much worse. i know he doesnt want to live anymore. yesterday he asked me to kill him and at first i didnt think he was serious but we talked for a while and he said it was the only way or he would do it himself. i dont want him to go to hell for committing suicide so i told him i would kill him so id go to hell instead. i havnt decided if im going to kill myself yet because my boyfriend says he doesnt want me to do that. but i dont know if i could deal with the fact i killed the boy im in love with. but what happens if a 16 year old kills another 16 year old who asked her to do it? jail? death penalty? psychiatric center forever? im not crazy im just putting the one i love out of his misery because i cant stand him being in pain any longer. id rather be in pain for him. just wanna know what would happen. dont try to do all that talking out of it and stuff either. wont work. thanks (link)
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Don't kill him or yourself. Since you're completely normal and you want what's best for him, get him help, tell somebody, his parents counselor, get a shrink or have him switch medications. It could make a huge difference.
One very close to me was bipolar and went unmedicated for years, until she went mad and was put in a pshyciactric ward, halfway house thing for a while. That failed, the medication failed and the shrink failed for years, and years later, we switched pills and she was the most normal she had been in over a decade.
You're about my age, this is all too deep for just you or us to handle, you can't solve this as simply as murder, because hell has no exits, and you and or even your boyfriend WILL SURELY regret it at sum point in your existence, on earth or not. So because you love him and want what best for him, don't listen to him. It's like pushing sumbody into an oven because they thought it would be better than the cold. Papercuts hurt, fire hurts more. Life isn't anybody's on earth to take and you should pray. I'll pray for you too and I sincerely wish you luck.
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Do you usually use Maxi Pads or Tampons? And do you know any kinds that work good? (link)
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I use pads maxi pads and I never leak, and trust me, my flow is heavy! Always Maxi Overnight Extra Heavy Flow is the best pad ever to use when you sleep, or on a heavy day, and even when your taking some long test and you can't change your pad. They have regular wings and backup wings in the back. Stayfree has a pad similar to that so you won't leak but its for a regular flow day. Stayfree Overnight Maxi With Wings is what it's called and it's awesome. It has a nightguard zone and 18 anti leak channels and it says so on the package. They often have odor neutralizers too. Those are my favorites. On light days or when your period is tapering off, any pantiliner or thin, or even small pad will do!
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This is my first year on varsity, and I am one of only 3 new girls. I am going to be a senior this year. At cheer camp they do a secret sister thing and the girls name I picked is also a senior. We are supposed to get 3 gifts for them along with 3 clues. Since I don't know any of the girls very well it's hard to make them personal.
I only have 2 days, so I need some ideas quick! It is supposed to be cheapish, but I don't want to get crappy gifts, not knowing what the girls usually get for each other since its my first year doing this.
I emailed my coach for some ideas, and she said a few girls made scrapbooks and made blankets, but I don't have enough time for things like that :( She also mentioned candy treats, but that seems really cheap.
Any ideas?! THANKS! (link)
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We do the same thing on our cheer squad! Candy really is a good option, like the large bags you have to go to the candy isle to buy are great. Drinks, like gatorade or red bull are great. Lipgloss, nail polish, like a quality kind are good, like opi and mac. Cheap jewlery is great too. Body spray or lotion is good, you can get nice sets from bath and body works that come with mini body washes purfume and lotion in a cute bag and thats always good. Snack food, like chips or doughnuts are great too. Lots of people give crappy gifts tho, so dont be too worried if you dislike these options. Good luck!
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hey.
okay everyone says that smoking pot is so fun and relaxing. I dont smoke and I dont know if you do, and im just not going to ask. But if a person smokes pot for the first time do you know what the feelings they get are and what happens exactly, like why people think its so cool and it seems to be the new trend. (link)
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I've never smoked, you should never smoke, and its not as cool as people make it. It's actually so stupid. I know people who do/have smoked pot. It does smell good tho- i cant even mistake the smell. The first time it burns your throat like crap, worse than ciggarets, and you're stuck with the soreness for 2 weeks. The high is "amazing" and nothing matters, so you do things you wouldnt normally do. But from what I've seen of my friends when theyre high, they act clumsy and dont care, and they embarass themselves. It's a mind altering drug thats not extremely addictive, but its not a club drug so easy access? It's expensive depending on where you get it, and the reason everyone thinks its cool is because people with tons of friends are ignorant, and all they no is that if they all get together and do this, they're having fun.. so even losers copy it. They know its not really as fun as they make it, thats why most dont smoke alone. They just like the company and having something in common.
It's all extremely foolish, I could go on all day.
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what do you do when you have a very very rude violent sibling who gets extra violent coz there on drugs and your mum's a single mother and disabled...I could physically stop him, but abuse gets you know where. && I wouldnt stoop to his level. he is younger, and I would get into trouble...it tears my family apart. and he's only 12
15/f (link)
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Drugs ruin peoples lives so you have to piss him off to help him. Inform your mom, talk to his teachers, call the police and bust him if you have to. He's twelve, and if hes a physical threat to you, you must have people with you for protection. Stage an intervention, cuz your brother is too young to get involved in stupidity like that.
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how can you tell if a boy like you or not? (link)
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He flirts with you a lot. He'll stant close to you, try to make you laugh and go out of his way to try to talk to you. He touches you and is always nice when you come around, his friends are cool with you, and he'll compliment you. He asks you questions about you, ur plans, and things he may not even care about..like your hair appointment just so they can talk to you.
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