Question Posted Tuesday September 15 2009, 4:10 pm
sooo ok dont judge me because im asking this. im completely normal, i just love my boyfriend so much. weve been dating for 2 years and he suffers from schitzophrenia and he refuses to take medication because he hates the way it makes him feel. i feel so horrible 4 him because he is in so much pain and its just getting so much worse. i know he doesnt want to live anymore. yesterday he asked me to kill him and at first i didnt think he was serious but we talked for a while and he said it was the only way or he would do it himself. i dont want him to go to hell for committing suicide so i told him i would kill him so id go to hell instead. i havnt decided if im going to kill myself yet because my boyfriend says he doesnt want me to do that. but i dont know if i could deal with the fact i killed the boy im in love with. but what happens if a 16 year old kills another 16 year old who asked her to do it? jail? death penalty? psychiatric center forever? im not crazy im just putting the one i love out of his misery because i cant stand him being in pain any longer. id rather be in pain for him. just wanna know what would happen. dont try to do all that talking out of it and stuff either. wont work. thanks
One very close to me was bipolar and went unmedicated for years, until she went mad and was put in a pshyciactric ward, halfway house thing for a while. That failed, the medication failed and the shrink failed for years, and years later, we switched pills and she was the most normal she had been in over a decade.
You're about my age, this is all too deep for just you or us to handle, you can't solve this as simply as murder, because hell has no exits, and you and or even your boyfriend WILL SURELY regret it at sum point in your existence, on earth or not. So because you love him and want what best for him, don't listen to him. It's like pushing sumbody into an oven because they thought it would be better than the cold. Papercuts hurt, fire hurts more. Life isn't anybody's on earth to take and you should pray. I'll pray for you too and I sincerely wish you luck. [ AskAndy's advice column | Ask AskAndy A Question ]
aidant1234 answered Thursday September 17 2009, 6:04 pm: life is a gift...dont throw it away....if you killed him who would know he asked you to do it....what if your in court and all you have to say is "he told me to"....just dont do it.....if you really care about him you should go to a guidance counselor at school or somethingg..You will be in serious shit if you kill him...you should be happy that you wake up every day....people in africa are really dieing and they would love to live...but they dont have food or water in some parts.....you are very fortunate to be living and not be in some peoples shoes....trust me......my brother died in a car crash and i was in the back seat......i think about him every day....i dont feel sorry for myself....i got out of the hospital glad that i was alive and said "every day that i live is a gift from god...." so now im working on making the most of my life..... good luck....got anything else? email me at email@example.com [ aidant1234's advice column | Ask aidant1234 A Question ]
destinygurlxoxo answered Thursday September 17 2009, 9:45 am: Hi. Im destiny. im 14. Good idea to ask for advice. If you r a christian which it sounds like you are you know that it is NOT right to kill Anyone even if they are in pain. pray and that will definitely help alot. talk to your boyfreind about the consequences of being killed or suicide. you wont be able tosee each other again alive anyway. you r only sixteen, yeah i know i am younger than you, laugh out loud. dont end your life and dont let him end his. and dont you end his. it doesnt matter if u tell the cops he wanted you to kill him. youWILL go to prison. please, do not ruin your life this way. i am adopted and my parents were brutal to my brother and i. to prove it he has a brain injury. they never turned their lives around i hear about my father in newspapers all the time about doing crimes and crap. he will never change. dont go to jail. it is truly awful. PEople are killed in jail, raped, assaulted, beaten, the list goes on and on. you sound like a good person, dont do this to yourself. if you hurt someone it is possibe to go insane, you may hurt yourself. you may hurt your family by kiling someone. Think about that. DO YOU REALLY WNT TO HURT THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE? DO YOU REALLY NEVER WANT TO SEE YOUR BOYFRIEND AGAIN? DO YOU WANT TO FACE THE SEVERE CONSEQUENCES? ASK THIS TO YOURSELF. It WILL help. by the way, god doesnt want you to hurt his creation, that includes yourself your boyfriend and your family. in the bible there is a verse that says that whosoever shall call on the name of the lord ( to ask for forgiveness) will be forgiven. if you commit suicide you will not be able to ask for forgiveness. you may go to hell. Hell is a terrible excrutiating place. dont do this to yourself. i know you dont know me but dont hurt anyone, for me. dont hurt yourself or your family or your boyfreind. he may be thinking that he doesnt want this. please, take this advice. luv, DESTINY :} [ destinygurlxoxo's advice column | Ask destinygurlxoxo A Question ]
christina answered Thursday September 17 2009, 6:16 am: If your boyfriend dislikes the way his medication makes him feel, then it is his duty to talk to the doctor who prescribed them to him. If the medication isn't working, then the doctor will prescribe him something different.
Do not kill your boyfriend. You say that you're completely normal, but a completely normal person does not want to kill people. Whether he commits suicide, or you kill him, he will still go to hell. If you kill him, you will have to deal with what you've done - guilt, regret, and the consequences of the law. You will go to prison, and depending on where you live, they will sentence you mercilessly.
There's no reason for you to kill your boyfriend, or yourself. Tell his parents, tell the police, tell your parents, etc. Everyone will get you both help because you both desperately need it. Your boyfriend should be in the hospital, and you should be going to therapy.
DearAbby92 answered Wednesday September 16 2009, 9:23 pm: Ending your life or his life is a waste of what God gave you. Tell your boyfriend that. Tell him that he will still go to hell for letting you kill him, because he is willingly letting God's plan change.
Have you considered going to therapy together? It's a way of feeling better without medication, so side effects or feeling un-like yourself.
You need to remember he has a disease and is NOT thinking clearly.
Being a minor, you will probably go to a juvenile center til you are old enough and be transfered to an adult prision. It depends on your state laws if you will face the death penalty, life in prison, or so many years. No matter which sentence, you are WASTING two lives. Two GOD GIVEN lives. If you care so much about pleasing GOD and your boyfriend, you will do what's best for both and try to help in a positive way.
Why don't you write him a heartfelt letter to look at whenver he feels low? You could tell him how important he is to you and God, and how the world would be different with out him. Instill hope in him. Let him know that death is easy, but living is a challenge that he is prepared for.
Considering he is mentally ill, you might need to do things in a less conventional way. There are euthanasia clinics in other countries (Sweden, I believe.) that are assisted suicides. Neither of you would be the one to do it. I in no way condone this, but maybe if you told him that he could do this in so many years when he's 18, he'll be willing to wait longer. Then you have time to work things out. Whatever you need to tell him to keep him going.
I believe the best thing is to tell his parents. The hardest decisions are usually the right ones.
o0Yourmom0o answered Wednesday September 16 2009, 9:14 pm: "Everything will be okay in the end, if it's not okay, it's not the end."
Remember that quote, because it's very important.
I'm sensing that you and your boyfriend believe in god, because if the two of you didn't you wouldn't be worried about going to hell, so I'm asking you to think about this; do you think god himself wants this for you? He created the both of you for a reason, and put you on this earth for a reason, you are his children too, and he wants you to each live long, healthy, happy lives together.
I am also asking you to please not kill your boyfriend or commit suicide. You will either go to hell, or jail, or have to live with out your partner and with the guilt you will have. Ask your boyfriend, "don't you want to be married on day? experience kids? and the joys of life with each other as we grow old together?"
Tell him, if you kill yourself then you will leave me here, alone on this earth, without the love of my life. If you love me, you and me will stay together on this planet until god takes us up to heaven.
Please do not do this, it can be prevented. I understand where your coming from. If he doesn't want to take his medicine, tell him thats fine, but tell him to at least remember the things he can cherish in life.
You are one of the things he can cherish in life, and obviously he needs you now more than ever. Just explain to him that you want to grow old with him, and that he can get through it with you, and you will help him along the way. Tell him that before things get better, they always get worse, and death is not the answer.
Death may be the easy way out , but life is a huge privelege that god is handing to you, and there are some people that do not get to choose between life and death and there lives are taken from them or their family members, and they wanted to stay in life.
Life is always worth it in the end. You never get another one, and once its gone, there's no coming back.
Cux answered Wednesday September 16 2009, 12:59 pm: While your intentions may be slightly honorable, they aren't to be executed.
Do not kill your boyfriend. I'm sure there are other meds that he can get if he's feeling bad when he takes them.
Suicide and death are NOT the answer. How would you feel if you killed him, and then right after, you feel sorry for doing it. You'll be crushed. It isn't something you can take back. It's a permanent decision.
Not only will you live with guilt, you'll live with the legal consequences of murder.
It's not worth it. Really, it's not. Take your boyfriend to a doctor.
Brandi_S answered Wednesday September 16 2009, 9:38 am: Euthanasia is against the law.
Hell starts with life in prison for you if you do this.
Sorry. They won't allow you to commit suicide there. You'd owe your life to the state, and they won't let you stiff the state like that.
Hell would start for him when he dies, because he wants to die. You mercy-killing him won't change that.
Sure you want to send him to Hell, and yourself to a lifetime of Hell on Earth, followed by your own Hell?
That seems like a pretty big decision to make for yourself, being only 16 years old.
You better send him to ask these favors of his parents, who love him just as much, or more, than you do. Let the grown-ups handle his issues.
sia answered Wednesday September 16 2009, 6:21 am: you asked me to not try and talk you out of it..well i wont to a point. is this truly love?to kiill the one you love?dont you think that he has schitzophrenia for a purpose?maybe thats his task in life is to be able to get through life with a disability. think about this for one moment. im sure you believe in God from the sounds of you saying you believe in hell and heaven. youll both go to hell because its just like he killed himself because hes asked you to do it and in result you killed him so you took part in the sin. hes talked you into killing him isnt that scuicide??r u sure hes not getting you to kill him just so its easier on himself? Dont think that your saving a life because your taking it away. you dont get to play God here. you dont have a right to take away someones life.
God is ultimately in charge or life, he gives it and takes it away, and we arent the 1st 2 decide when it should begin and end.God knows what hes doing, and evertyhing is done for a purpose
as hard as this is he has done this for a reason, and it will work out!
the solution is definately not killing him!!
there is hope!
In the bible Jeremiah 29 v 11
says that God has given us a future and a hope dont ever forget that!please dont.
Do you understand that hes throwing away all that you both shared. why would he want to die over spending the rest of his life with you?you love eachother then why does he want to leave you?think about this.
Youll be committing murder and thats probibly 25years in jail or life sentence, you cant argue to the court and say he wnated to die because theres no proof of it even if you tried because the the only person that would be able to help you would have been murdered!Dont become a criminal. dont try play the god role because that never works out right. He says he doesnt want you to kill yourself and go to hell but in the end you will because you killed someone else. [ sia's advice column | Ask sia A Question ]
DCshoeman88 answered Wednesday September 16 2009, 12:05 am: PlEASE! Don't follow thru..call the police, parents, or anyone else that could help get him treated ASAP. Everyone goes thru hardships and our life is too beautiful to die at 16. From the legal perspective you would be SCREWED and thats saying it nicely. What makes it worse is that it was pre-meditated murder which would easily get you tried as an adult and thrown in prison for atleast 30 years. Take it from me prison is NOT a place a girl like you belongs! [ DCshoeman88's advice column | Ask DCshoeman88 A Question ]
gibs96 answered Tuesday September 15 2009, 11:34 pm: Everyone is saying to get him help and all
But in reality you BOTH need help
I can't believe you would say that, you are
Going to kill your boyfriend why wouldyou kill anyone!
You oviously are a cyco and u need to get help asap!!!!!
I no this is harsh but it's the truth and I just wannt
Youto get it through your head [ gibs96's advice column | Ask gibs96 A Question ]
unbreakable15910 answered Tuesday September 15 2009, 10:53 pm: Killing your boyfriend is just insane. I am not calling you insane, just the situation is insane. He may want to die and may be in a lot of pain however, there is nothing you can do about that. If you kill him you would go to jail forever. There would be no way for you to ever prove he actually wanted you to do it. And even if you did prove that you would prob just end up being in a mental institution cause everyone else would think you are nuts. If he cant kill himself chances are he wont. Because he has contronted you on the fact that he wants to die, he is asking for help to NOT feel that way. Otherwise he would have just done it himself. Trust me, I had a best friend kill himself and I never ever suspected thats how he felt, he wanted to die so bad he never let anyone know so no one could try to stop him or have the chance in helping him feel better. What you NEED to do if you REALLY are interested in HELPING your boyfriend, is tell someone else who can help. A guidance counselor, his parents, siblings or your parents. They will be able to get him help, he will have the chance to talk to somone and prob they can even give him medicine that wont change him much. Or they will make him understand, after taking the medicine for a little while he wont even know he is on it and he will be happy. DONT kill him, and TRY to stop him from wanting to do it himself by getting an ADULTS help. NEITHER one of you need to throw your lives away, one day you will realize living is worth is despite the hard times.
*Meg* [ unbreakable15910's advice column | Ask unbreakable15910 A Question ]
princess91 answered Tuesday September 15 2009, 10:18 pm: hey i dont know much about what he might be going threw.i know that if he ask u too kill him so he wouldent go to hell is not the right thing to do. hes not thinking of whats going to happen to you....and what hell ur gonna go threw because of what he thinks is best for him. your to young to go threw something like this. [ princess91's advice column | Ask princess91 A Question ]
laynemayhem answered Tuesday September 15 2009, 9:17 pm: ok first of all, whether he kills himself or not, he wants it to happen. and when you LET yourself die, because you want to die, its basically the same thing.
you wont go to hell for killing him. but you cant. you'd spend the rest of your teenage life in juvi, and then they'd probably transfer you to a psychiatric hospital once you're of age. this is assuming you're going to explain your reasons to the police. you probably wont lead a normal life anymore. get him help. put him in a hospital. you dont want him to die, and neither of you wanna burn for eternity. he just needs to grow a pair and get on the medication. that way he'll be better, you'll be happy, and he'll be happy.
or better yet? why not just stop dating him? you're 16. you'll meet someone else. he sounds like a lot of weight on YOUR shoulders, and he should know the hell he's putting you through. you need to get him to talk to a professional. my uncle has schitzophrenia, and he takes the medication. he hates it, but it helps him concentrate and lead on a semi-normal life. that can be your boyfriend's life, too! you guys are too young to be worrying about all this. talk to his parents or something. he might be mad that you told, but its for the better. death is not the answer here.
LiSaxOBaBii answered Tuesday September 15 2009, 8:22 pm: Sounds intense. You seem to have a very big heart, but you need to invite your mind into the situation. Think about it: of course you are going to be dealing with some sort of punishment. There is no way to rationlize taking someone's life. This is about your future...do you want to lose everyone's trust? [ LiSaxOBaBii's advice column | Ask LiSaxOBaBii A Question ]
OneMan answered Tuesday September 15 2009, 8:08 pm: Having an intricate knowledge of the world of schizophrenia, I can and do feel for not just your boyfriend, but for you, as well.
I know the "effects" of what he speaks. I have had several people tell me that they experience something similar and find it difficult to make it through a day. But, might I suggest that your boyfriend speaks with his doctor. he doesn't have to commit to take anything but simply voice his medicinal concerns to him/her. there very well may be alternatives that will ease the condition and not leave him so disturbed by the effects.
As for you. I think you already know that what he's asking you to do is not a viable option. That should not even be something to consider. You say you love him and I believe you. And true, should you find yourself in the position to end his "pain", consider what pain YOU will then experience as a result. Not only that... YOUR pain will be with you, wherever you go, for as long as you live. Is that a pain that he would ask you to endure? Could he possibly want you to carry that burden for the rest of your life? As ex-military, I KNOW what happens when you take a life. I know the changes that take place in the human soul, and it's not something I'd wish on anyone, let alone one as young as yourself. Take that love the two of you have, revel in how much is is, what it gives the two of you, and try to come up with a way to HOLD ON TO IT, BOTH of you. I'm sure at times, he may feel that death is his only viable option, but show him the light he brings you, and show him the joy you can bring to him, and see if you two can't come up with a way to continue experiencing that. I'm not going into the legal ramifications fo doing what you're contemplating, but, you know very well where it will land you, and it's not a pretty place, dear. not by any means. Put your heads together. it's not worth it...for either of you. [ OneMan's advice column | Ask OneMan A Question ]
holahayley56 answered Tuesday September 15 2009, 8:01 pm: I have the exact same opinion as peeps, so yeah. But, I just thought I'd share with you my personal experience with a friend of mine, who had schizophrenia. When I first met him I could tell he was very different. He just moved to our school, & nobody really talked to him, (because he would talk to himself all the time & did odd random things, like for example, in gym he would randomly start jumping around, & just act very different.) he had no friends, except for me. I had no idea he had schizophrenia until I went over his house one time, & he went to go change & his mother told me he had it, & just how she thought i was nice & stuff. He had such child like behavior, & would laugh at random times, etc. (i'm assuming you're well informed, so you know what i mean.) Anyway, he would tell me, how he would wish his life would end sometimes, because he was confused, and could not tell the difference between reality and his own little world. The medicine that he took, he didn't like to take either, his mother told me all about how he would not swallow it & stuff, because he didn't feel safe & was even more confused. anyway, he eventually started taking it correctly, & just in the past two years i've know him, i've seen a huge difference. he has gotten so so so so so so much better. its unbelievable. with the right treatment and medicine, your boyfriend can get help. do not kill him, or try to convince him to not kill himself. people before me, have already explained the punishment you would face & like i said, i agree with peeps, 100%. you guys are only 16, you have so much more to life. think of your family & his family, think how they would feel. he can get better, help him to get better, don't end his life, help him to live a full healthy happy life. it is possible, it was possible for my friend, and it can be possible for your boyfriend too. just because you cannot see the light at the end of the tunnel right now, doesn't mean its not there. encourage him to take the medicine & maybe you yourself should consider seeing a therapist or something,i know you just want to help him, but don't you think helping him get medicine, and live a full happy life, would be helping him much more? [ holahayley56's advice column | Ask holahayley56 A Question ]
If your boyfriend doesn't want to take his medication because he hates the way it makes him feel than he is causing himself to feel "pain".
He asked you to kill him and you are telling us you are not crazy?!? Uhm.. well to be honest if you plan on killing someone than you certainly aren't normal either. I think you need to see a therapist or a physciatrist...
killing your boyfriend isn't going to solve anything but only make you a killer, hurt the people that love your boyfriend and you as well. the chances of you going to prison are a promising 100%
people who are not on medication do not think clearly, his illness is talking for him
bluejeans1983 answered Tuesday September 15 2009, 5:31 pm: You and your boyfriend need to both accept Christ as your Savior. It says in the Bible that all sins can be forgiven except for blaspheming the holy spirit (rejecting the holy spirits call to repent for your sins and accept Christ.)So murderers can be forgiven too. But, if you love Christ you will no longer want to commit a sin like that. You are not doing your boyfriend a favor by killing him. He needs help from the Lord. By the way, he is still sinning and putting an end to his life by asking you to do it for him. You both will spend an eternity out of heaven and away from each other and God unless you ask God for forgiveness of your sins and make Him a part of your life. The Bible says that He won't give one something that they cannot bare. He needs to turn to the Lord for help with his pain. Pray for your boyfriend and find a good church to attend and read the Bible. [ bluejeans1983's advice column | Ask bluejeans1983 A Question ]
Peeps answered Tuesday September 15 2009, 5:28 pm: The problem is that you aren't in your right mind either. Please do not take that as an insult. If you followed through with this murder plan then you would be deemed insane. For a person to think that murdering someone else will solve most, if not all, of the major problems is a great sign of mental instability.
You may love your partner very, very much but his death is not going to solve anything. It's sort of like saying, "I have a dog. I really love my dog and I've had him for 2 years now and practically raised him from a pup. Recently, he broke his leg and it just doesn't seem to be healing right. I know that surgery and what-not can solve it but he isn't going to like wearing a cast on his leg for a few weeks. I'm just going to euthanize him so this big problem will be solved. I'm going to be really heartbroken..." That doesn't make much sense does it?
You have to deal with the problem itself. If you kill him he won't have any more chance at life. He won't have the opportunity to get better. You won't have a connection with him any longer. His pain will disperse throughout his family and friends and they will suffer from his loss.
People that suffer from schizophrenia are really not trustworthy if they are not on their medications. It's like any other mental illness that needs medicated--they are NOT thinking properly. They can't tell you what they truly want, need, or even love because they aren't themselves. Schizophrenics can be hard to trust as it is. It can be difficult to find the proper medications for them so that they can come back to this reality so even on medication you have to watch out for breaks in reality. It can years of medication for them to finally find what works best for their minds but it is not at all impossible.
Your boyfriend isn't himself is what I'm saying. Yes, he doesn't want to suffer any more, but death is not what he truly wants. If he dies, there is no more life. No more suffering means no more happiness, memories, or love from you and his friends/family.
Death means permanent game over. He really just wants to get better and not have to deal with this problem any longer. THAT is sane, rational thinking.
Both of you should be seeing therapists. You need to seek help yourself because you are experiencing a break in reality yourself, most likely caused by this great stress. Death is not going to solve ANYTHING. He won't suffer any more, sure, but he isn't going to experience any more joy. You have no idea if he will be going to Hell or Heaven either. His soul may already be set for eternal damnation if he doesn't repent--which means you will be preventing him from seeking God and becoming a more holy spirit himself by ending his life too soon. In essence, YOU could be sending him to Hell by not giving him the chance to redeem his sins completely.
Your boyfriend has the ability to get better. You need to be supportive of him taking his medications. The medications cause him to feel strange because he is coming back to reality with each dosage. Each dose is making him see the real world, which is something he simply is not living in right now. Help him find a good psychiatrist and encourage him to keep taking his medication. If he's not been on these medications all of his life then it can difficult to deal with the reality as it comes smashing you in the face. What you thought as true you soon realize was a mental falsehood. It can be frightening, especially if someone is saying, "Just stop taking them if you don't like them..." It's sort of like living in the United States and then waking up in the middle of a 3rd world country. It can be scary and confusing and you might physically feel odd as you adjust to the new surrounding climate.
If you murdered your boyfriend there would plenty of hours in court for you. You would be lucky if they deemed you criminally insane and sent you to a psychiatric ward for the rest of your life. Sometimes the jury doesn't quite grasp that someone thinking that murder will solve major life problems means mentally imbalanced so they very well could send you to prison. You, most likely, would not receive the death penalty in either case but it is a possibility.
You are needing help yourself.
Please, seek a counselor and start from there. Encourage your boyfriend to seek professional help as well and stay on his medications. Help him through the feelings he begins to experience as he becomes who he truly was meant to be, mentally.
Murder, or suicide, isn't going to solve anything.
Seeking professional help and taking medications regularly will improve this situation. Working together to create a positive lifestyle will improve this situation. Your boyfriend can lead a very happy, productive, and fulfilling life if he has support and understanding from people like you. Help him to live not to die.
That's my psychology degree talking, I suppose. That and the fact that my grandfather was mentally ill as well and committed suicide so I know how that feels.
If you have any more questions please feel free to ask me directly :)
Here are some FACTS about schizophrenia (as taken from various trustworthy sources on Google):
"On average, it takes 8 years between the time symptoms of schizophrenia first appear, and the time they are diagnosed and treated." Your boyfriend has, most likely, suffered from this illness for MANY years.
"About 150 of every 100,000 persons will develop schizophrenia." Your boyfriend is NOT alone!
"About 75% of patients developed schizophrenia between the ages of 15-25." There are people his age that are dealing with this right now.
"Studies have indicated that 25 percent of those having schizophrenia recover completely, 50 percent are improved over a ten-year period..." He can improve to the point of a full recovery even! [ Peeps's advice column | Ask Peeps A Question ]
XReiSenseiX answered Tuesday September 15 2009, 5:21 pm: Okay, I have read this a few times...
You won't go to jail for murdering your boyfriend... You'll go to prison. There's a big difference between the two. And not only that, but depending on where you live, you will get the death sentence.
That would be the least of your problems, as well. I hope you know, that if you don't get the death sentence and prison for life, you will have to live with the fact that you killed him. He only has one life. One life that you will get rid of. Or if he does it himself, he rids himself of his single life. My friend's mom is a schizophrenic and she takes medication. She seems to be fine... Even with her parents having been murdered for no good reason. There is medication out there that probably won't make him feel... Well, the way he doesn't want to feel, if that makes sense. I noticed you said not to talk you out of it... I suppose I can't do that since I don't know the depth of the situation. I just strongly suggest you think deeply about this. (And if you kill yourself, by the way, just remember that you're going to make your family very upset and everyone else who cares about you. Same goes for your boyfriend's family.)
Note: Just because you kill him, doesn't mean he won't go to Hell for asking either. [ XReiSenseiX's advice column | Ask XReiSenseiX A Question ]
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