I'm a 38 year old psychologist living in Nashville, Tennessee. Until shortly over a year ago, I hosted a radio/tv talk show. At the moment, I'm amid plans to start a new one called, " One Man's Opinion". It's a radio show FOR women, ABOUT men, BY a man.
Seeing that alot of issues are age-related, please state your age when posing a question.
E-mail: cmclinphd@hotmail.com
Gender: Male
Location: Nashville, Tennessee
Occupation: Psychologist
Age: 38
Member Since: November 30, 2003
Answers: 349
Last Update: September 15, 2009
Visitors: 28284
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sooo ok dont judge me because im asking this. im completely normal, i just love my boyfriend so much. weve been dating for 2 years and he suffers from schitzophrenia and he refuses to take medication because he hates the way it makes him feel. i feel so horrible 4 him because he is in so much pain and its just getting so much worse. i know he doesnt want to live anymore. yesterday he asked me to kill him and at first i didnt think he was serious but we talked for a while and he said it was the only way or he would do it himself. i dont want him to go to hell for committing suicide so i told him i would kill him so id go to hell instead. i havnt decided if im going to kill myself yet because my boyfriend says he doesnt want me to do that. but i dont know if i could deal with the fact i killed the boy im in love with. but what happens if a 16 year old kills another 16 year old who asked her to do it? jail? death penalty? psychiatric center forever? im not crazy im just putting the one i love out of his misery because i cant stand him being in pain any longer. id rather be in pain for him. just wanna know what would happen. dont try to do all that talking out of it and stuff either. wont work. thanks (link)
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Having an intricate knowledge of the world of schizophrenia, I can and do feel for not just your boyfriend, but for you, as well.
I know the "effects" of what he speaks. I have had several people tell me that they experience something similar and find it difficult to make it through a day. But, might I suggest that your boyfriend speaks with his doctor. he doesn't have to commit to take anything but simply voice his medicinal concerns to him/her. there very well may be alternatives that will ease the condition and not leave him so disturbed by the effects.
As for you. I think you already know that what he's asking you to do is not a viable option. That should not even be something to consider. You say you love him and I believe you. And true, should you find yourself in the position to end his "pain", consider what pain YOU will then experience as a result. Not only that... YOUR pain will be with you, wherever you go, for as long as you live. Is that a pain that he would ask you to endure? Could he possibly want you to carry that burden for the rest of your life? As ex-military, I KNOW what happens when you take a life. I know the changes that take place in the human soul, and it's not something I'd wish on anyone, let alone one as young as yourself. Take that love the two of you have, revel in how much is is, what it gives the two of you, and try to come up with a way to HOLD ON TO IT, BOTH of you. I'm sure at times, he may feel that death is his only viable option, but show him the light he brings you, and show him the joy you can bring to him, and see if you two can't come up with a way to continue experiencing that. I'm not going into the legal ramifications fo doing what you're contemplating, but, you know very well where it will land you, and it's not a pretty place, dear. not by any means. Put your heads together. it's not worth it...for either of you.
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Okay so I told him about spending time together and he cried. Oh my gosh is that wierd or what? please help me!!! :) (link)
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Ok, now I'm convinced more than ever he takes your sentiments as a sign of his being inadequate for some reason. I hate to tell you to continue to coddle him and hold his hand. In this case, that may actually cause ore damage to the cause than not. Try to find out what his big fear is, get him to realize that it's not necessary in the least, and maybe even tell him that his actions and insecurity could eventually drive you away, and that's not what you want. If he fails to come around, you may have to decide if it's something to which you can continue to subject yourself. Good luck....and I mean that sincerely. Let me know.
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How do I explain to my boy friend I need my space some days? with out him freaking out I want to go hang out with the girls and I want to just stay at home with my kids with out the interuption of a man... (link)
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I must say, you have done an excellent jobof expressing it to me. That leads me to believe that your eloquence is not the problem and lies somewhere within his insecurities. The good thing about insecurities is that they canoften be overcome. Try opening a conversation about what each of you feel you lack within the relationship. Add some sincere comments about yourself so that he doesn't feel as if he's being attacked. When it's his turn, listen to him carefully, and take the time to reassure him that what he feels is understandable, but not necessary. While talking about yourself, work in how you feel about needing your space, and he'll take the time to reassure you. Once the door is open, go in depth about it an tell him exactly what you've told me. You simply don't want to miss any time you may have for your one on one with your little ones and bond with them on a more personal level. Anything else I can add, feel free to write again. Good solitude ;)
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I really need help on giving advice to my girlfriend because she is getting really depressed and self harming herself. I don't Know what to say to her please can you send me some advice please to Djespa_2026@hotmail.com
Yours faithfully anonymous 16 year old male
(link)
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I do apologize. If you DID send a message, then you are correct, it would have been diverted tomy junk mail. I apologize, once again, and wish for you to know that I am adding you, as I type, to my e mail address book, and am answering you as soon as I'm finished here. Thanks for your diligence. She's most lucky to have someone as dedicated and caring as you.
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I haven't asked for your opinion in awhile, but now I'm in a big mess. male/21
First, I can't seem to sleep next to anyone anymore. I have feelings for 2 of my best friends, Monica and Ashley, and when they fall asleep in my arms I get terrified and incredibly sad (they're the only ones who recently felt so comfortable they fell asleep on me, literally). It's I miss them because they're asleep and I want to get away at the same time. I'm comfortable as well as very nervous and self conscious. I'm in a state of panic and sleeping normally isn't an option for me. The panic is so bad tears were rolling down my face after Monica went home last time.
I thought it might be that I can't sleep without my mom under the same roof right now, but then I realized most of the time I fall asleep she's at work. I thought it might be because I can't sleep anywhere other than my house, but I felt that panic when Monica slept on me at my house. It might be because I have feelings for them, but now the thought of anyone falling asleep on me scares me. I don't really know what I'm afraid of. Do you have any ideas as to why I feel this way or how I can get over it?
My other problem is I like both of these girls and they're both two of my best friends. I was overwhelmed after both of them told me they liked me in the same day. I could see myself happy with both of them, but I think it unwise to date either.
Monica:
I came to her about my sleeping problem and how sad I've been getting via email. I told her it might be because I have feelings for her and I got a message saying she likes me too. Some quotes from the email:
"I told you, before I read this, that I had thought about dating you."
"But if we're being completely honest with each other, I don't know if I could ever date you. No, it has nothing to do with "feeling like you're my brother". The biggest and most important, which I have not admitted to ANYONE until this moment is that I am not over Danny. Not at all. I just decided yesterday that I'm finally letting go of my High School past. That was five years ago. Starting a relationship with you wouldn't be fair to you, nor would it be fair to me. That's why I told you not to get a crush on me. I don't even want to go there. I don't want you to get hurt. I don't want to get hurt. That didn't stop me from thinking about what it would have been like to kiss you last night."
She makes a lot of sense. So I can't date her, but I feel bad when I think about dating anyone else.
Ashley:
Ashley has a lot of problems. She isn't quite over her ex and allows herself to be used by him every so often. I recently started having feelings for her, but kept them inside because I knew it wasn't wise to start a relationship with her when she's co-dependant on someone else. She's in councelling for depression, cutting, etc.
A couple of days ago I told her she had weird taste in guys. She said, "I like you. Is that weird?" It was so out of the blue, I didn't have a response for it. Then she allowed herself to be used by her ex for sex again. I fought with her for awhile about it, but she decided to be with him anyway. I said some hurtful things because I was hurt by this, that may have drove her to it.
Just in the last two days:
Monica definitely has feelings for me. She posted a blog saying "I like you. I like you and I shouldnt. I don't want to date you but that doesn't stop me from liking you. If only life was simple. OH THAT'S RIGHT. IT NEVER IS." I also told her that I was trying to help Ashley with my problems, and it terrifies her because she thinks Ashley's crazy.
Last night, Ashley called me. She was talking to her ex's best friend and he's trying to get her to leave the guy too. Ashley told him other people care about her too and mentioned my name. He asked her why she didn't pursue me, and she said she can't just pursue me.
Later on in the conversation, she muttered something I couldn't hear. I asked her to repeat herself and she just muttered that it complicates things. She finally muttered again that the more she talks to me, the more she wonders what it would be like to date me.
I've been crazy about her for a couple of years now. I'm crazy about both of them, but I don't think it would be very wise to try to get involved with either. The only problem is right now I can't stop thinking about Ashley. I don't want to hurt either of them, so any thoughts as to what the best actions would be would be great. I've indirectly turned down Ashley twice while telling her I have feelings for her too. What if it's driving her back to her ex? (link)
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First. let me assure you that nothing you do will "drive Ashley to her ex". That's all her doing and there are reasons beneath that she will have to confront in her attempts to move on, Honestly, it sounds like she 's not ready to. Maybe he's comfortable to her and that's what draws her back to him, repeatedly. Try asking her what it is she's addicted to with him. We all become addicted to certain aspects of a relationship and without knowing it, find ourselves unable to depart because of that addiction when the time presents itself. Maybe doing so will help her to see exactly what it is she feels she can only get from him, and hopefully, in time, that will aide in her moving on. As for your feelings while sleeping and before. I'd like to ask if there were any deaths/departures/separations in your life that may still weigh on you greatly. I can't get into all of that without having someinsight into your background, but it sounds on one hand like abandonment issues. It could also be that since you profess to care so much for the two of them, you know that choosing one will ultimately leave the other shattered. You could feel thge sadness knowing what you may feel to be inevitable. If you want, e mail me and we'll get into it some more when I get some much needed info. Until then, best of luck.
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I'm married 13 years,35,burnt out,I have no life,no friends,I'm shy,I'm fat,but "such a pretty face"type,above average so I've been told.I dress up when I go out.I feel like a house keeper and nothing more.I am an island.I live for my kids.I hate my inlaws,they hate me.I'm also crazy about a married man.Hes a professional,around 40 years old.A few months ago he was making very intense eye contact,like 6 seconds in total silence.We have chemistry,I feel like I have known him all my life ,we get along great.I have never felt this with anyone before.I always catch him staring,he limits eye contact to 1-2 seconds now,BUT,the staring hasnt stopped,considering my self esteem is in the toilet,my first assumption is that he stares at my unbearable ugliness.Last time I saw him I actually caught him peeking around a corner,another time he was looking behind himself over his shoulder.He seems to always be looking at my face because,as soon as i move my eyes he looks away.I can see him out of the corner of my eye.His body language is always open,his pupils dont contract,or dilate,he is the shy quiet type,or at least around me he gets quiet,but friendly.His face is often blank when he looks at me,his eyebrows are almost always up, hands on hips facing me directly,there is lite physical contact.Am I mistaking friendliness for flirting.?Why does he keep staring.? Why did he stop the eye contact.?I want him to make a move.Am I fooling myself. Mabe I'm reading into something that doesnt exist.No morality lesson please,I already know that cheating is wrong,at this point I dont care.I'm not looking for permission to have an affair or to be told I'm looking for an escape.I'm going to have an affair whether its him or someone else.I'm not looking for an escape,I will stay for my kids.Advice would be appreciated.Thankyou (link)
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Lol, taking the time and effort you have put into outlining the "kinesics" of the interaction, I think you already have the answer to your question. You know the intricacies of body language a bit more than the average. So, my question is, since you're not looking for an excuse to have an affair, or permission, and I believe you whole-heartedly on that, what exactly are you seeking here? I know you know what the b.l. means, and you know it's a bit more than simple, " Let's engage in idle chatter". Let's stop kidding ourselves, you know that not many are going to "stare" at what they deem to be "unbearably ugly", not even I. You know what's there, you know what he may be trying to intimate, and you know how you're going to act, or react ( if you haven't done so, already). The only thing to which I would take umbrage is your "staying for the children". But, I'm willing to bet the Pope's last dollar that if you are as well-versed on ever-lasting scars and impressions on children as you are the fine science of kinesics, then I need not go into depth with you on that. As I tell my children, " Do you", which simply means, stay true to yourself. With that having been said, be careful, think of the consequences of all involved, and "Do you".
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hi i recently asked the question about what you do and everything and how i want to be a psychologist.. i can be very emotional and i cry easily.. not over pain but by thinking of people and what they go through.. do you think this will affect me of being a psychologist? (link)
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In order to be effective as a psychologist, it IS best to learn to distance yourself from allowing your emotions to come into play when counseling or treating a client. Actually, if you become what the APA deems emotionally involved, it would be unethical to continue treatment.
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does your job include mentally retarded people? or just people with illnesses such as depression? (link)
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I quite often cross paths with the mentally retarded. Not a majority, but it does take place enough to be a significant part of my job. My "job" consists of a tad bit more than "just people with illnesses, such as depression". The United States, as does most countries operate within "axis" diagnosis. There are actually five axis, that cover illnesses from paranoid schizophrenia to say, dimentia. The Untied States operates on four of these axis, while alot of countries operate under the entire five.
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hi, well me and my husband are living nicly, our sexsual life is okay . but the problem lies he is so careful abt wearning condoms and not make me concieve, where as i desperatly want a kid. but i know if i get prgnant at any chance he would'nt do anything like obortion or something. how can i make him do sex and he won't get to know he has ejaculated? or how can i make him do it withen his senses? should i make him drunk? (link)
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I can't advise your taking any deceptive actions to become pregnant. That will only serve to do more damage than good, and could also be a catalyst for his resenting the child on a deeper level.
I would suggest that you sit him down, and really explain to him your desire to have children and why it's so important to you. On the other hand, you have to leave yourself open to HIS reasoning for not wanting one. Maybe it's just temporary. Compromise is the key here and it's incredibly difficult to do when both parties are operating on one side of the court, namely, their own. Maybe he'll come around, but opening the lines of communication is the first step. Best wishes.
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I think its an illness because i'm sure it has somethine to do with my head and i've seraced and searched for someone that looks appriote to help. Well i'll get to my point i'm a serial self harm and i dont know places to turn i've tried the doctors and family but they didnt work before i was doing it every months or so but now its turned into every week. I'm not scred of what i'm doing but i'm giving up the ghost and want ideas for me to help myself. Hope you can help. Thanks. (link)
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I'd like to ask, what are the reasons ( or triggers ) in your self-mutilation? That could play a very important role in helping you to avoid possible episodes in the future. I feel good about the fact that you are seeking alternative avenues and havenm't stopped seaxrhing, altogether. That tells me that you are sincere about you desire to cope with your situation. I wouldn't dare try and assist you professionally with something so serious via the internet, but I can, and will be there if you feel the urgent need to talk to somone. Please use my personal e mail address and my ears are all yours.
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im so glad I can talk to a psychologist.. im only 14 but one day i thought id like to be a psychologist, but i dont really know anything about it. im understanding though and i want to help people. could you just tell me about the work you have to do, the money, the people you have to work with, the good and the bad of your job. thanks so much (link)
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Well, the work I do is simple. I deal with people with all forms of mental illnesses, commonly referred to as axis. I assess them, determine the root of their illness and if possible, try my best to help them cope with it as best as possible and lead a relatively "normal" life without the hinderances of their illness. The money is good, I won't tell you how much I make, but it varies from person to person. The bad is personal. What may be bad for me may not be true for you. I particularly hate to see people feeling helpless over something that can be helped and just "giving up. I also hate to see anything that afflicts the children. This weighs particularly heavy on me. But the good outweighs that when you see the relief on a persons face and knowing that you helped put it there. I think you'll be a good addition if you truly care about people and if there's anything I can do to help, let me know.
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hi. my name is tess and i plan on being a psychologist when i get older. i am a sophomore in high school right now. i took psychology last year and next semester i am going to take sociology but i was wondering what classes beside those were recomended for preparing for a furure career in psych. also i wanted i know what colleges are better for psychology. i have been looking at Adams state, westmont, and albertson. i hope to hear from you soon.
thank you
Tess (link)
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Tess, I truly apologize for taking so long to get to this. I have been away on vacation and have just received it.
It sounds as if you are on the right track. The classes you have taken are the cornerstone to a thorough career in psychology. The only other thing is to decide what specialty you're going to undertake.
As for the schools, I think any of the three would be excellent choices, but if I had to choose, I would shoot for Westmont.
Good luck, and hope to be sending you my overload one day.
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Is there a difference between psychologists and psychiatrists? And if there is one, then what is it? I'm just a curious 14yr old freshman, I want to be one of the two when I grow up, but I'm not sure which one because I don't know the difference between the two. I've seen one of the two when I was anorexic, but I don't remember what kind, and I want to be that kind of something of the such. I want to be a "shrink" that works with kids... what exactly would that be? (link)
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yes, there is a difference. Quite simply, a psychiatrist can prescribe medications and a psychologist can't. A psychiatrist is an M.D, whereas a psychologist is more often a Ph.D. that's all there is. your particular field would be "child psychiatry/psychology". Good luck on your chosen field. from personal experience, it's s good one.
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I am 20 year old female with a 32 year old male long haul truck driver. Hes never home. He constantly goes on chat lines. BUt promised me he wouldn't, and won't tell me why he goes on them.Then i find transexual porno tapes in his truck. But he hates gay men and trannies and drag queens. HIs excueses are you turn me on so much that when your not here i have to do these things. But he don't treat me like i turn him on. I need advice, is he a cheater or a weird sex manic of some sorts? (link)
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I wont go so far as to label someone "weird", but I will say that he exhibits abnormal sexual interests. I dont see anything wrong with your questioning his choice of sites on the web. You have a reason to wonder about his sexual activities both with and without you. If you are active in tyhe sexual arena with him, then anything that he does affects you. I wont say that he's cheating, but his reticence to take your concern seriously is enough for you to reconsider your role in the relationship.
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I've always been a great admirer of your advice, and I thought you might be able to help me with a couple of problems. If not, then I'd at least like your thoughts on these situations.
I've had this crush on this girl for quite some time. It's gotten to the point where I'll buy stuff I don't really need, nor do I really want, just to talk to her. She always seems happy to see me and always gives me a big hug before I leave. The problem is I have no idea how old she is. I'm not the type of guy who judges people who date younger or older people, but it seems to worry my when I'm involved. I'm 20, what if she's only 15 or 16. She looks and kind of acts young, so I'm worried. What do you think the dating age limit should be for someone like myself?
The other problem. Earlier today, I saw scars and cuts on her rist. It doesn't look like something an accident would have caused. I know she can't really die from cuts on arm, but the scars aren't exactly good for her either. How should I go about asking her where they're from? Is it even my business to ask such a question? What if she obviously lies to me about the scars origins? Should I just drop it then or what?
What do you think? (link)
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Oh, youre in quite a situation. Let me answer your first question first. Quite simply, if you're 20, then we are not allowed to make the "limits" on age. The law does that for us. You are viewed by the law as an adult, and if she's a minor, under 18 in most states, then the law would prohibit any type of intimate relationship between the two of you. I wonder if she works in a dept store or something of that nature. You state that you often buy things you dont need and Im wondering how that's applicable. if she does, simply ask, " I've been seeing you here for quite awhile, how long have you worked here". She may just tell you, " Since I was......" or give you the number of years. In most states, you have to be a certain age to work legally, and it may be quite easy to add the time she's been there to sixteen and that should be a good indicator.
As for the cuts. Its important that you realize that she COULD die from cuts on her wrist. That's a common misconception that people have now allowed to run rampant. I won't go into the specifics, but it IS possible. Make no mistake aboutn it. I can't comment on them, not having seen them, but I'll trust your judgement to know that they aren't "normal". Before you question her about them, you will have to earn her trust. I hate to tell you to be deceptive. But showing that you relate to what she MAY be feeling may be a big help. If nothing else, try and share some situation in which you found yourself depressed and felt that there was no hope. Maybe she will then take the cue and open up.
Good luck on everything. Please, if you have the opportunityand she IS a self mutilator. try to encourage her to seek professional assistance without sounding as if you're judgin her or "beating up" on her. DO write me again and let me know what happens. Thanks.
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I'm a 17 y/o guy in highschool with a mad crush on this girl that I've known since middle school. In middle school, she tried to hook up with me in an indirect way with obvious hints but then I didn't have any idea what to do so we stayed friends. I guess I was still in that cootie phase of puberty. But now I'm a junior in highschool and recently she's been on my mind alot like crazy. There's something about her that keeps my head stuck on her all the time, other girls might catch my attention but damn she got something special. There are a few guys that are trying to hook up with her but I heard from word of mouf that she likes me. Now that I've given you the intel on my situation, I was wondering what would you do to get the girl or to improve the chances of hooking up with her? I'd be real grateful if you can help me out. (link)
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It doesnt appear that you would have to do much of anything to accomplish either of those tasks. Your chances couldnt be much more improved if she already has an interest in you. If she expresses that interest, coupled with the fact that she is spurning advancements from others, then what more do you need?
But the question was,'What would I do', correct? Well, having the intel that you so elouquently provided, I take the confidence that came with that, approach her and politley ask her out for something small, say, a movie or something that she really likes to do. I think the rest of it would fall into play from there.
Good luck, cassanova. Sounds like you dont need it ;)
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my "best friend" recently embarrassed me adn told the guy that i had a crush on everthing i had said about him..(little things he tells me etc) she made me seem like i was obsessed with him..im very angry bc i would never do that to her..and plus she doesnt have the courage to tell me what she did behind my back (i had to find out from someone else)i would never do that to her, bc i had always considered her my best friend, but i guess wer not, she only did that so that the guy wouldnt like me anymore(yeah i know she sounds like a horrible friend) im still in shock, and i even called her to see if she was gonna tell me anything, but she didnt bring up the topic and pretended everythign was the same. i dont know what to do, im really embarrassed about facing the guy, and i never really wanna see her again! i know im gonna be the bigger person and treat her with kindness but i know that if i confront her she would deny it and make a big deal out of it, i just wanna stay out of drama and not get involved..i dont know what to do?? (link)
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well, since you have decided that you're not going to confront her, then it appears that all you can do is learn from the situation. I commend you on being the bigger of the two, and I am very impressed at your maturity in wanting to continue your friendship. The thing now is, changing the way you interract with her, by holding back some of the more intimate and personal details of your relationships, and manage to not make her feel that anything is wrong. THAT is going to be the biggest feat, but with your maturity, I have no doubt you can get it done. If it will help any, keep in mind that the reason she probably did this is because she is envious of you and him, and not having what she sees in you, feels that she will do what is necessary to take it from you. She could also feel that when you started to take interest in this guy, you unknowingly started to neglect her and your relationship. Feeling no other option to get her friend back, she sabotages your relationship. In any rate, she took such an action out of her admiration for you. Nope, it doesn't make it any better, but hey, it gives you something to smile about when you let the anger creep in.
Now, as for him. When he was told, what kind of reaction did he have? Was he too, upset? Did he feel betrayed? Did you say anything negative? Whatever the case, I strongly suggest that you approach him, at a time when he may be most receptive, and kindly, and sincerely explian to him what happened, AND tell him how you feel about having done so. I think he may just be mature enough to overlook it. Let me know.
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do u recomment zoloft for me? (link)
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I cant answer that. I havent properly assesed you nor do I know enough about your health to do so. Anyone who would online should be questioned. If you think that may be an option you may want to try, I would suggest seeing your physician. Let Me know what happens.
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last yr i was sort of going through depression, i was just sad and angry all the time, my mom never took me to the doctor because she doesn't believe in "pills", i overcame it, just by trying really hard by myself, and now im a really positive person and i love life, but i have anxiety problems and i stress a lot about the littlest things, i cant help it, i just get really anxious at every little thing, and when i think about it afterwards i know its stupid,should i go to the doctor..if i do i know hes gonna put me on pills.so i dont know if thats good or bad.. (link)
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a good thing is your ability to see the situation for what it was afterwards. That shows you have insight, and thats all you need to get through this. I would suggest finding something that helps you calm yourself. Experiment with meditation, zen, yoga, anything. These teach you tools to help you ease your mind and bosy and when you feel yourself getting anxious, try one of these techniques and it should help. Until you become comfortable with it, try and ask yourself what is it thats making me anxious, and what do I think is going to happen. Try to solve the answers in your head and that should calm you enough to get you through it. If you have any further questions, feel free to write.
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whats a good sex story or stories? i really need to know cuz this guy wants me to tell him one and i cant think of one =/
please help (link)
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a gentleman never tells. and a man who plans to have a meaningful relationship with you doesn't ASK.
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