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Question Posted Wednesday September 1 2004, 11:24 pm

my "best friend" recently embarrassed me adn told the guy that i had a crush on everthing i had said about him..(little things he tells me etc) she made me seem like i was obsessed with very angry bc i would never do that to her..and plus she doesnt have the courage to tell me what she did behind my back (i had to find out from someone else)i would never do that to her, bc i had always considered her my best friend, but i guess wer not, she only did that so that the guy wouldnt like me anymore(yeah i know she sounds like a horrible friend) im still in shock, and i even called her to see if she was gonna tell me anything, but she didnt bring up the topic and pretended everythign was the same. i dont know what to do, im really embarrassed about facing the guy, and i never really wanna see her again! i know im gonna be the bigger person and treat her with kindness but i know that if i confront her she would deny it and make a big deal out of it, i just wanna stay out of drama and not get involved..i dont know what to do??

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OneMan answered Thursday September 2 2004, 8:36 am:
well, since you have decided that you're not going to confront her, then it appears that all you can do is learn from the situation. I commend you on being the bigger of the two, and I am very impressed at your maturity in wanting to continue your friendship. The thing now is, changing the way you interract with her, by holding back some of the more intimate and personal details of your relationships, and manage to not make her feel that anything is wrong. THAT is going to be the biggest feat, but with your maturity, I have no doubt you can get it done. If it will help any, keep in mind that the reason she probably did this is because she is envious of you and him, and not having what she sees in you, feels that she will do what is necessary to take it from you. She could also feel that when you started to take interest in this guy, you unknowingly started to neglect her and your relationship. Feeling no other option to get her friend back, she sabotages your relationship. In any rate, she took such an action out of her admiration for you. Nope, it doesn't make it any better, but hey, it gives you something to smile about when you let the anger creep in.
Now, as for him. When he was told, what kind of reaction did he have? Was he too, upset? Did he feel betrayed? Did you say anything negative? Whatever the case, I strongly suggest that you approach him, at a time when he may be most receptive, and kindly, and sincerely explian to him what happened, AND tell him how you feel about having done so. I think he may just be mature enough to overlook it. Let me know.

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