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I'm a 38 year old psychologist living in Nashville, Tennessee. Until shortly over a year ago, I hosted a radio/tv talk show. At the moment, I'm amid plans to start a new one called, " One Man's Opinion". It's a radio show FOR women, ABOUT men, BY a man.
Seeing that alot of issues are age-related, please state your age when posing a question.
Gender: Male
Location: Nashville, Tennessee
Occupation: Psychologist
Age: 38
Member Since: November 30, 2003
Answers: 349
Last Update: September 15, 2009
Visitors: 18357

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It's obscenely early in the morning, I've not yet gotten to sleep. How do I GET to sleep? (link)
Believe it or not....warm milk. It contains a chemical that acts as a sedative.
If that doesn't help, try drinking "Oat Straw Tea" before bed. You can get it at any health food store, G.N.C. etc.
Either of these should be more than sufficient in helping.
If you find that your inability to sleep continues, you may want to see a Dr.

i don't know if i'm pregnant or not i don't think i am but i'm not certain but i don't have any money to go to the doctor or get a test is there any other way to find out if i am or not?
also my nipple is bleeding and it hurts, what's wrong with it? (link)
The BEST way to determine pregnancy of course, IS a test. But in the event that you can't have one, or fear your parents finding out, then I can only suggest you research some material on pregnancy and see how the female body responds after conception.
As for the bleeding nipples, it's commonly attributed to breast-feeding and several actions taken during.
If money happens to be a major factor for your getting the test, might I suggest an over-the-counter test. They usually prove quite accurate.
Whatever you wish, may you get the best news.

I want to see if I can CUM,I am male by the way, how do I go by doing it? I know I have to jack off but its seems I never do it long enough Cum. I know this is kind of discusting and Stupic but what the Hell. (link)
That's a difficult question. Everybody responds to stimulii that may excite them but noone else.
What is it that turns you on? Do you think of that when you masturbate? Do you experience any feelings of guilt while performing it?
Most important. I'd like to ask how old you are. I noticed you said that you would like to see IF you could cum. That leads me to deduce that you have never experienced an intentional orgasm. Keep in mind that you may not be physiologically capable of having an orgasm, yet. If that's the case, take your time, your body will let you know.

ok heres my quesion .......i get good grades in school i look somewhat good......and i have a great voice....but i feel like i need to be somewht popularr.....and plez dont answer " who cares wht other people think" wht do i do? (link)
I won't tell you not to care what other people think. You're a teen....and I know that peer's perceptions are very imporatant to you.
What I would ask is, " Why is that you feel that you need to be popular? What is it that you feel you would gain from popularity? Is there something that you're missing. Ask this question to yourself and once you find out the answer, you should be able to move beyond this. IF that's what you want to do. Give it some thought and let me know.

At my school there are some kids who think being Jewish is a bad thing. I am half Jewish and one of my friends is too. We always get mad when we hear kids saying it. Some kids say things like- You Jew- as if its bad. They dont even care who they say it to they will say it to christians catholics or jews. It really make me mad but I dont know what to do. Plus most of the kids who say it are in the popular group witch me and my friends are not it. What should I do? (link)
Actually, I wouldn't worry about it. Kids have a way of picking up on something new that they've learned and using it to make themselves seem as if they know more than they actually do.
The fact that they don't care who they say it to tells me two things.
1. They don't know what it means...and
2. They don't mean it personally. They're just trying to make themselves look better by being jerks ( and it sounds like they're doing a very good job at it, lol ).
The next time someone says it to you, just look as if you're lost, and ask them, " What is a jew?" and see if they can tell you. If they don't know, they'll feel stupid for not being able to answer ( you've already shown they're not as smart as they're trying to be ) and they may even try and make YOU look stupid. They may ask, " YOU don't know? " I'm sure everyone knows what you'll be doing so just say, " No, I don't what is it? " and either force them to answer or embarrass them so badly that they'll never want to use it again for fear that someone else will ask them. They may also try and find out AFTER school and come back and tell you later. But by then, it's too late...they've already been embarrassed. Now, if they DO know. Then ask them if they know what it means, why are they saying it to everyone? Even to people who aren't jewish. Same result. Bottom line. They're being jerks. They don't know what they're talking about. Instead of getting angry or upset, just feel good inside knowing that you DO know the meaning.

Dear Oneman
I wanted to ask you about a quetion i had aked earlyer.The ? "was i like this boy and i think he likes me. how can i tell ?are there any signs i should look out for?"
in your answer you said you thought i was in junir high. im 12 and about to turn 13. can you still give me advice. please help me!
-Babiegirl (link)
Yes, Babiegirl. First, thank you for telling me your age. As I said, the age makes a great difference in how males/females interact with one another.
I going to guess that the young man you like is near the same age as you. Usually, boys that age are just getting to the point where they can actually admit that they like a girl. Even so, they may still feel a bit uncomfortable expressing it. Not so much for the thoughts that their friends will have but mostly because they're very wary of being rejected, which is a fate worse than death at that age.
With that being said, here are a few signs to look for.
What does he do when you find yourself looking into each others' eyes? If he likes you ( in more than a freind kinda' way ) he may smile, look away quickly, and then glance back again to see if you're still looking.
Does his friends ask questions about you to your friends? ( What you like. What you think of him, etc., etc.). Sometimes, boys like to make sure that they are not putting themselves out to be embarrassed by saying that they like you and having it turn out that you don't feel the same way about them. Come to think of it...alot of us grown men do that, too, lol. So, they'll send in friends to find out what they need to know before taking that step.
If you have any classes together, and he has the chance to sit anywhere he wants, see if he tries to sit as close to you as possible. That's a very good sign that he likes you.
Does he go out of his way to try and make you laugh?
Does he use every opportunity he can to try and touch you? Your arm...back...hand...etc, etc.
( Example: Does he tell a joke and when you laugh, places his hand on your back or arm while laughing with you? )
These are just a few ways to tell and by no means is it all of them.
Why don't you have one of your friends talk to one of his and ask how he feels about you? I would think that would be a very good way to relieve some of the breath-holding that I know you've been doing. :)
Drop me a line and let me know how things turn out.
Good luck, Babirgirl

I'm 16 and my family still makes me sit at the kid's table at holiday dinners. They act like it's just too big a seating issue for me to not have to eat with five year olds, but I think they just don't want to treat me like an adult. I'm sick of it, but they don't care. How can I wake them up? I somehow lived through another Thanksgiving but Christmas is coming up and I'm going to want to beat them all. (link)
Try to establish some form of compromise. If you're not allowed to sit at their table, see if they will allow you to sit off to your own. Assure them that you won't seclude yourself and that you'll still be a very big part of the occasion. Try to explain to them your need for space and see if they can accomodate you. Good luck.

I'm not sure if this fits in the right topic, but....

there are hairs growing inside my ass. Is this normal? (link)
It is if you're human.

Ever since I was a little kid, I've been terrified to leave my house for fear of spontaneous combustion. Is this normal? (link)
Well, no, it's not. But then again, most phobias aren't. What's interesting is the fact that you feel this will take place upon leaving your home. This suggests that it may NOT be a fear of spontaneous combustion, but rather an acute form of heliophobia, which is the fear of the sun. I'd like to be able to discuss this in depth to get a better understanding of your fear and thgen I could be in a better position to assist you.

Lately I've been chatting a lot with this guy. He's a friend of a friend. Anyway, it's been about 3 months now and we have loads in common. We decided to go see a movie together(not a date) next weekend. Trouble is, he's very smart, and when I'm chatting with him I always feel like I'm too stupid for him. When we meet, I'm afraid it might show even more, that he might start talking about things that i don't have much say in and he'll find me unworthy of his time and won't want to be friends anymore. How should I act, or should I plain out cancel the meeting and just stay friends on msn? (link)
Being a guy, I feel safe in saying that you have nothing to fear. If you've been chatting with him for "awhile", then he is already familiar with what you do and do not possess. Seeing that he chose to meet with you, anyway, I think it makes more of a big deal to you than it does him. You wouldn't care so much about what other people think oof you if you knew how little they actually do. :) Go for it, and enjoy yourself being yourself.

I heard this ad on the radio for these parties... they're like tupperware parties, where women get together and buy stuff... only we're buying sex toys instead. Since I've got all these boring married coworker gals who are always inviting me to their make-up parties and kitchen selling things, I was thinking of setting up a sex toy party.

I'm totally serious.

Would this be a bad thing to do with co-workers? What exactly is a sex toy party? If I call the shop that's offering this thing will I get suckered into some awful deal my friends will never forgive me for? (link)
No, parties of such a nature are quite common now and nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. What I would suggest, is throwing the idea around with your co-workers, in a playful manner to see if that's something they may be interested in. That will allow you the opportunity to find out and not offend anyone in the process. Good luck, and let me know how it turns out.

What do I do if I think I'm obsessed with sex? (link)
Well, number one, does it pose a problem in any other areas of your life? If you find that it is, then the answer is simple. The have an organization for people who TRULY have an addiction/obsession with sex. I'm sure you've guessed, it's called sexaholics anonymous. I don't know what region you're in, what state, or age, but I think you'll find this to be a formidable solution if not a viable option to keep inside the back of your mind.
However, if you only think you have an obsession, and there's no complaints from your mate, then send me the recipe, lol.

I see a school counsleor and a counsler outside of school and there is this one girl who is going out with my ex and she's spreadin crap about me like saying that i'm tring to break them up and crap like that and i want to kick her ass cuz other ppl are stoppin me in the hall saying don't break them up or i'll kick your ass. and even her boyfriend (my ex) is getting really pissed about this so like i want to kick her ass so bad but i'm not sure if i want to. and my counsler said to talk to her but i can't cuz she's pissin me off and if i try to talk to her i'm afraid to i might kill her. and plus i got into a fist fight with my really good friend. (link)
Hmph. My suggestion don't talk to her. No words. My suggestion? Two words. Anger management. Ok...three words. SOON!

Ok, I had a boyfriend let call him (troy) but anyway I really like him but i broke up with him to have sex with someone else. he stop talking to me for a year and now we just started to talking again we are closer than ever. he said that he would take me back if his two friends give him a good reason to go back with me. But i don't understand what he means? I think he cares about me but don't like me. Because i fall asleep in the cafeteria and no body woke me up. BUT HE DID. So does he like me or what? (link)
That's just his way of exacting revenge, love. You took control of the relationship when you chose to run off and have sex with someone else. Now, HE"S in the position to determine the outcome of the impending relationship and he's loving the opportunity to make you squirm.
It's simple...he already knows whether he'll take you back or not. His friends have very little to do with it. Unless he's one of those guys who still picks his girlfriends only if his friends think she's "hot". I would guess he does want you back, but not until after he's had enough fun dragging it out and making you pay.

will i like this boy and i think he likes me but im not can i tell? are there any signs? please help me. (link)
Hmmm, has he keyed your car, boiled your rabbit or otherwise voiced or expressed extreme disdain or contempt at the very sight of you? NO? Well, then it's safe to say he's not your ex. As for signs of interest. Hmmm, tricky. I wish I knew the age group I was dealing with, it's alot different as you age and mature. But, taking the question into consideration, I'll guess you're in high school. All giggly and clumsy at the mere sight of him. So, with that being said, look for the following.
He smiles sheepishly and lowers his head whenever you make eye contact.
At every opportunity, he makes every attempt to touch you. ( Much like women do ). e.g, laughing and touching your arm. However, with some boys, it could be that he feels an overwhelming urge to "punch" you on occasion.
There are tons of signs, but, the simplest is just that...simple. If you're a person of reasonable intelligence, and you FEEL he likes you. Then chances are that he did something to give you that impression.

Yep, cheeky of me to do that.

But I guess I'd like to be construed as blown away but capable of continuing to be normal and chat once in a while if her only reaction is "gee, thanks". We'll be flying in the same circles for several months yet and I don't want to make everything weird and uncomfortable.

Misconstrued is any construal that is likely make her scared or angry.

I half know it's an impossible question, but hey, it's not all the time a psychologist wanders on the boards.

And she's a psychologist-in-training... (link)
I truly understand your reticence. But have you ever stopped to think that maybe it has alot to do with her overwhelming, " Gee, thanks" responses?
Maybe she has an inkling about your uneasiness and your ever so diligent task of trying to mask it shows through like a blue g-string 'neath sheer skirts in the sun? After all...she IS a psych major. Maybe she senses that you're not really being you and that troubles her because she now realizes that the things that attracted her to you are now being pushed by the wayside.
Give "You" a go and see if she's more taken. I'd almost bet she will be.

Ok, so I've liked this guy for a while now and we're pretty good friends. The thing is though, he's not really looking for a girlfriend right now since he just broke up w/ a serious one. I think I love him and I would wait for him to be ready if I had to. But then there's this other guy... I'm almost 16 (the first guy's 17) and this guy's 20. My parents are kind of sketched out about his age and so am I. I met him at the mall a few days ago and we exchanged phone #'s (not something I do very often). He called me and says he wants to get together. I don't really feel too comfortable around this guy, and I barely know him. Also, if I get into something with this guy, what about the first one? Do i just forget about him? I'm really confused right now. I don't think the guy's a psycho but I don't know for sure. The first one is basically all that I've been looking for.
Sorry for the length, but I really need some help
Thanks a bunch!! ~Pom (link)
This one's simple. The first guy knows you like him. If he says he's not ready for a relationship, then don't get into one with him. He knows that's his excuse to get "what he wants" and not have to commit to you. He can have you AND other women. If you EVER question him about it, he'll say, " Well, we're not boyfriend/girlfriend, so what's the deal?" and there's nothing you can say. Old trick....VERY old trick.
Two, the 20 year old. Hell.....he's 20 YEARS OLD!!! I don't care what you say, love. ANY 20 year old willing to date a minor is NOT a good guy. I know it's flattering, but, thta's not a good idea. Find someone who can/ and WILL give you what YOU need. Has either of them EVER asked you that? Think about it. Let me know.

Just so you know, I will be ETERNALLY GRATEFUL if you answered this, I REALLY need help on this matter...
There is a boy in my school. He is studly and flirty and *appears* to be a good guy. I used to admire him (NOT as a crush or anything, just as a person), but now I'm not so sure. This year, we are both freshman and happen to be in most of the same classes. He is kind to me and I apperciate that, but a few weeks ago he asked me what the homework in French class was. I told him and he asked me to see my workbook so he would know what pages to do (keeping in mind that this is the class right before French!) me, being the idiot that I am, gave it to him without question and he eventually gave it back. I was expecting it to be over but it wasn't. At least twice a week he would ask me for my workbook and I would continue to give it to him. One day, though, I was absent and hadn't yet gotten the homework for French and he asked me for my book. I explained that I wasn't there to get it and thus didn't have it done. He looked at me and there was disappointment in his eyes and voice, but that's not what threw me off. What really got me going (although I didn't show it at the time) was the fact that he said: "oh... it's ok then" as if he were FORGIVING me for not doing my homework so he could copy it! I'm angry at him, but I'm afraid if I tell him off then he'll do something nasty (spread a rumor, make fun of me, etc). But then if I don't tell him off, he'll just keep taking advantage of me! What should I do? (link)
You know what? You sound like you have one incredible sense of self-awareness about you, so I ask you this. 1. What makes you think that he would be capable of spreading something horrible about you? This IS the same person that you said you ADMIRED, right? In the event that he is...what is is about the rumors that you're afraid of. I know at your age, peer opinion is key. But, keep in mind, rumors fade...truth doesn't. Even if he did spread rumors, what's the worst that could happen? The only people who would believe it are those who don't know you, and if that's the they REALLY matter? I don't think so.
The next time he asks, try to be diplomatic ( I'm pretty sure you can) and let him know that although you enjoy helping him with his work, you feel a bit uncomfortable about it. I know.....not real life in the world of a teenager, right. Ok, if I was you, I think I would tell the french teacher that he had been "asking" and I don't like it. Ask her to not confront HIM about it, but rather say something like, " I've been told by someone that you are allowing someone to copy your french homework...etc, etc. IN CLASS WITH HIM THERE". That let's you off the hook, you dont seem like an outcast and you have a ready-made excuse for not letting him copy, anymore. Let me know if this helps.

Okay, well...there is this teacher, let's call him Mr. Somebody. Mr. Somebody...well, he isn't really a teacher, but he just works with the guidance counsler in my school. Mr. Somebody is a very freaky guy. It doesn't show to many people...but he just seems like he would be one of those molesters to the younger girls. He looks at me weird and it always seems like he is staring at me and it makes me very uncomfortable...the guidance counslers office used to make me very comfortable but now my stomach churns whenever I think about it. It's not like he's done anything, but its just the way he is and I dont know where to turn. I don't want to talk about it to anybody because I don't want to blow this out of proportion because sometimes that's what i do and I don't know if I'm just judging incorrectly. But one day I was in the guidance counslers office and he came in and my stomach churned and we shook hands when we were introduced to each other and it was just so uncomfortable becasue he gripped so tight and it felt like the handshake lasted for minutes.He just made me feel so uncomfortable and when my guidance counsler talked to me i felt his eyes on my back and it made me nervous. And then that day in gym class and he came up to me when i was sitting down on the floor and kneeled and out is hand on my shoulder and was like "Blah blahs gonna pick you up today ok?" and he smiled and I backed away and nodded. And then later my guidance counsler came up to me and was like blah blahs gonna pick you up today okay? And I told her I already heard and she was like "Oh you did?" and i think that Mr. Somebody just overheard the phone conversation between my dad and my guidance counsler and decided to use it as an excuse to see me or something. I know that sounds crazy, strange and unlikey but you dont see how this guy is...what should I do because I dont think this guy is your average clean cut guy...he just seems so weird and I dotn wanna see him...I give him dirty looks, not meaning to but whatever...and there was also another incident that occured but I'll tell you about that in another letter it will be entitled "About Mr. Somebody continued"
Please help me...what should I do? (link)
Oh my God. You're in a very intricate position. On any other day, I would be the first to say, " Go to the top of the hill and scream bloddy murder." But, you know what, my feet are planted in reality and I know that's not a viable option. Alot of lives could be ruined and all without sufficient evidence. If he makes you feel that uncomfortable, try and avoid him as much as possible. See if there's anyone else that is available to help you with your concerns. If there is someone on the faculty that you trust, and I mean really trust. See if you can confide in them. Let them know that it's not an accusation, but something significant enough to waarant your feeling the way you do. We sometimes feel "bad vibes" about someone because the subconscious picks up on something that the conscious is totally oblivious of. So, truat your gut, try to avoid him, and see if you can discreetly make your concerns known to someone else on staff. They can keep an eye on him and you can remain anonymous. PLEASE...let me know how this turns out.

Hears the deal. I am into musical theatre, and once doing a show i met this guy. But, i really miss him , and obviously i really liked him. I've tried to see him a couple times but it hasn't worked out. HELP!

~A sad one~ (link)
Hmmm, I noticed you failed to mention how he feels about you. Does he miss you, as well, or do you think he finds more interest in a rotting banana he failed to toss out, mesmerized by the hoarde of relentless fruit flies swarming about? If there is a reason it hasn't worked out, be honest with yourself and see it for what it's worth. If you're not sure, then maybe you should simply ask. I would really like to know more "specifics" before I could try and give any sound advice. You also say that you "miss him". That's almost inpossible to do unless there was some form of intimacy that took place. Have you slept with him? If so, and it was very soon into the relationship, guess what? He's not responding becuase he doesn't respect you. He "came", he saw, he conquered. Hell of a battle to lose but, if that's the case, use the info for the next time.

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