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I'm a 38 year old psychologist living in Nashville, Tennessee. Until shortly over a year ago, I hosted a radio/tv talk show. At the moment, I'm amid plans to start a new one called, " One Man's Opinion". It's a radio show FOR women, ABOUT men, BY a man.
Seeing that alot of issues are age-related, please state your age when posing a question.
Gender: Male
Location: Nashville, Tennessee
Occupation: Psychologist
Age: 38
Member Since: November 30, 2003
Answers: 349
Last Update: September 15, 2009
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a few of us who use this site quite a bit r trying 2 get 2 know the columnists better ok?we're just wondering if that girl in the pic on your page with u is ur wife, girlfriend, friend, someone u work with or maybe even another columnist. not tryin 2 get in ya biznass but if u gonna post the pic then u know somebody's gonna ask! lol since she's on there with u we figured it 2 be ur wife or somebody important in ur life which is kewl. maybe not, maybe somebody you wanna 4get like we found out from some other columnist, LOL (link)
lol, I understand. Let's just say that I'm not married, never have been, and am at the moment, single. But without a doubt, she is someone VERY important in my life. Hope this helps.

Okay, here's the situation. The guy who spends all the time with the girl I have an enormous crush on is getting a little obsessed. It's gotten to the point where he calls 6 times a day, sometimes at 3 in the morning. She was complaining about it to me, and I wasn't sure what to tell her. All I could think of to say was that she should tell him to stop calling so much. It got a little awkward because right when she started to talk about this he walked in the door. I'm still unsure how she feels. I'm not sure if she still wants to be friends with him, if she wants to date him and is just blowing off some steam, or what. They still spend an enormous amount of time together, and she doesn't seem to mind too much. I have no idea what they do together. She's too nice to tell him to stop calling directly. So what should I tell her? And I know it's probably none of my business, so I'm wondering if I should tell her anything, or if I should just let her figure out what to do on her own. I'm trying to see her situation clearly, but my jealousy gets in the way. Please give me your thoughts. (link)
First, I think it IS your business, ONLY because she asked you for your opinion. That invited you into the scene.
You say that you're not sure what she wants to do, and before I could give my opinion on what I think you should do, I would suggest you find that out first. With your jealousy tainting things from your perspective, you may take an action that she really didn't want, only because secretly, you wished to see the dissolution of the relationship. Then, not only have you hindered one relationship, but yours with her, as well.
Talk to her a little more, see exactly what she wants from him. Is it just to stop calling so much. Is it to stop all together? And then ask HER what it is she would like you to do. That way you can never go wrong, at least not in the choice you make. Let me know how this one turns out.

Liz is one of my best friends. I've been in love with her since before elementary, and I'm in college now. This was her senor year at highschool and my freshman year of college. We grew distant for a while, but a few years ago we rekindled our friendship. Shortly after this, all the feelings I felt for her rushed back along with a few new ones. I wanted to ask her out but she's against dating. All of her friends' dating history are terrible, and she doesn't want to go through the same thing. Also, she's afraid to get close to anyone.
Recently I decided to tell her how I feel. Mainly because now another guy wants to date her. Justin, the other guy, moved here a little while ago. I'm growing jealous and annoyed because I can see right through him. He gradually gets more touchy feely with her, hugging and kissing her good-bye, hanging out with her all the time, trying to manipulate her and get her to date him. He's doing so because of her inexperience in dating such situations. He beleives that by doing this, she'll eventually start to have different feelings for him, and I'm afraid that he's right. Along with this, he asked her to dance at their prom, and while they did he tried to make a move on her, but she wouldn't let him. He constantly has these friends that tell her to date him in front of me, she responds by blushing and jokingly saying no.
After I told her how I felt, she apologized for putting me through all of this. I asked her who she'd rather date, and she said she didn't know. I'm not sure if she would chose me and didn't tell me because she didn't want things to change, or the more like one, she would chose him, but didn't want to hurt my feelings by telling me. I then told her how jealous I was, and she said she was a tiny bit jealous of my touchy feely relationship with Shiloh ( One of my best friends who also happens to be a very attractive girl). I wasn't sure what to do with that. I want nothing more than to have an intimate friendship with her, but I'm afraid if I do anything like hug her, she'll think it's just because Justin hugs her. I'm also afraid of making her uncomfortable, I respect her too much to put her in any uncomfortable situation. Which is why I'm afraid to call her over the summer. I had a bad experience with another girl a few years ago, we were casual friends, but I then became depressed and in solitude for various reasons, at this time I called her too much and drove her away. I don't want to do the same to Liz.
I'm not sure what to do now. I can't get over her and stay close friends. Everytime I see her it's bittersweet. I adore talking to her, but I miss her the second we part. I can't get over her while seeing her, and I can't stop seeing her, friends like her are impossible to find around here. Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thank you. (link)
I SO know what it is you're going through. I too, met a young woman a little over two years ago. When first we met, I could do nothing but see myself with her,intimately, for the rest of my life. She was articulate, compassionate, caring and yes, she was hot ( still is )among all of the other things I look for in a future mate. I too, got jealous over a friendship she had with another guy. They took trips together, always went to dinner, etc. Nothing against him,I was sure he was a great guy, but he was often getting the time that I so desperately sought and couldn't get. She too,like Liz, was not looking for an intimate relationship. I became threatened by her relationship with him and in a moment of selfishness, made a move that I felt could have ended our interaction forever. All of the factors are mirror image here. Your feelings for her, mine for this young woman. As hard as it's going to be, you have to realize that this is not about you. As I had to do. What's most important is what she wants. I know that he may seem to be getting closer and getting more of the "perks" that you seek, but you can't resort to being selfish. You have already done the best thing possible. You have told her HONESTLY how you feel. That should be enough. If that hasn't already run her away, then you're probably safe. Give her time to digest that and then you'll see which way she wants to go. But let HER make the decision. Oh, what happened with me? I found one of the most loyal and best friends I have ever had.... a little over two years ago ;) Let me know how it turns out.

I have this freind who we just talk and hang out and dance have fun. whenever some of her friends come she treat me little different. Like when we dance sometimes I can't dance way she dose she like she can't do it. anytime they want do something fun. and something like at store one those cart little kids riding in u know. well my freind want get in one. one of her friend ask me. then she like she wront do it. Ilike I would but i have little disbittle she know bout it. we at movies she know for 4 months I gotten Id and I watch rated r I am 18. we in car she like asking me I see rated r and dont think ur mom improve. I like OGM she knew I allow and we try go rated r movie before but we didnt go.. someitmes i try talk to her bout stuff doing on me. she dont pay much atthen she change subject all she talk bout is her ex bf whoes her friend now.. but things is all she tlak bout and brag bout her friends she act like I dont have any I do.. and saying i have meet her freinds it like she dont want me be who I am. she like want me be her or something. I try explain to her but she turn it around her way..
Girl who love her bestfreind to death but she cant get on my nerve but i hide it couse dont want make nobody feel bad

My younger sister constantly bugs me, because I don't have 50 friends like she does. I just have 15, 6 of which I talk to on a *daily* basis. Is it bad that I don't have a million friends like she does, or is she just being a bitch? (link)
I actually think it's better that you DONT have a ton of friends. I think the more you use the word "friend" the less important it becomes. Personally, I have only THREE...go figure, but I guarantee you that I would do anything for them and feel that they would for me, without asking a question. Sure, I have tons of acquaintances, but when it comes to "FRIENDS", Tina, Dave, and Alisha do it for me. No, It's not a bad thing at all. As time passes and you both grow to depend on others for different things, you'll see.

Hi advicenators (trys to smile)

I really could use some advice.
Its my friends, I am a very nice personI'm 14 a gurl I'm christain I have always been made fun not liked that well by my peers Myeber they'er jealuse I don't know why. well I happend to become friends with I thought my BFF and my other friends (anna-n-lana) that become friends with my BFF and snece they became friends with eachother I have faces thrown my way every time I see anna and lana. and everytime I talk with my BFF she won't believe a word I say and acts like I'm making everything I say up. I don't know why they don't like me. I have never been rude never fought them when they were wrong.
I will be honest that most adults really like me, and seem to favor me ( reason I dn't kknow why) I want to know why they don't like me. I try to be nice They'er always making lies about me and spreading them around. It really hurts and I don't know what to do.
please help.
hated friend (link)
It sounds like you are the mirror that they hate to look through. When we meet people or associte with them on a consistent basis, we often find ourselves judging our selves through what we see in them. They may see you the same way as the adults do, nice, responsible, caring, etc., and that only makes them look at themselves in a way they would rather not see. So being around you makes them feel bad about themselves. At that age, they will never admit it, and probably don't even see it themselves, but to keep from feeling that way, they have to find things about you that make them feel that you aren't as good as THEY think you are. So, in reality, they don't really hate you, they hate the way they LOOK when they're around you. I know this doesn't help in a practical sense. You would still like to be part of the gang. But at least know that deep downinside....they would rather be you, too.

Thank you so much... I came home today hoping that you'd reply because I really needed help... It worked out Just fine... God Bless you! (link)
You are so very welcome. I'm glad to have been of assistance. And thank you for your blessings, I know God does whether we realize it or not. The best of everything to you.

Its so Confusing... I give adivce too... but I need some...
My friend.. lets call her... "Jennifer".. she Is Going out with "Tyler" and Another girl "Alexis" likes Tyler..well Tyler is going to break up with Jennifer... but She Doesn't know it... But I know... But everyone Tol dMe not to say anything To her... Alexis Is calling Dibbs On Tyler once he Is Single... but I dont Know What to Do... if she finds out I know... Shes my best friend! I NEED HELP! (link)
This one is simple. The problem comes when we try to look at a problem from the "what's best for me" standpoint. look at it from a what's RIGHT standpoint. It's not fair that everyone else is made privy to the information except the person it affects most...her. Meanwhile, she is involved in a relationship that she thinks is going to continue and acting accordingly. Do what's fair...tell her. The "everyone" that told you not to say anything are probably having a good time watching her live this out, with the anticipation of having something to laugh at later. That's not fair to your "friend". You don't have to tell her about who has "dibs" on him, after she's throguh with him, that's none of her concern, but if I was her, I'd like to know so I can make a decisiion before having it made for me.

i have a friend,who i found out, over time, is very vindictive and always out to hurt others in some kind of way.we are roomates!!
i feel very uncomfortable being around her, but trying to be a good influence on her.
at times the thought and feeling come across that she is an atheist. her comments about God and christianity hurt my ears. many times have i tried to discuss religious matters with her, but only to find out that she thinks i am crazy for believing in my Creator.
should i keep on putting effort and time forth to help her open her eyes and see what is reality and what not?
please help!!!!!!!!!! (link)
Sdaly enough, there's not much you can do at this point. We, as Christians have the obligation to inform those ignorant of the Word. After that, there's nothing more that we can do. It is stated that he who KNOWS the Word and turns against it, will be held accountable. I have been in your position before and all I could do ( and did ) was continue to pray for them. The biggest deed of ours is nothing compared to the smallest task of God. Let Him take it from here. But remember...Jesus kept company with the worst people pf society....muderers, thieves, prostitutes, etc., and not once did He turn His back on them.

Sorry, this is so long but please take the time
to read it.We'll call my friend Trea (not her name)Ok, now Trea is the kind of girl who always tries to do the right thing. This boy hit me(we're still under age so it's not against the law.) He put a bruise on my arm Friday. So on Tuesday I (i'm a girl) tried to get him back. He is a lot quicker and stronger so when I went to hit him he pushed me downand I have a sint arm. Wednesday, (today) I went after him again because he had pushed me down Tuesday. I didn't expect to have everything happen that did. Trea, tried to stop me because he pushed me down and I scraped my elbow Wednesday. I was going after him again. I told her to leave me alone (I was mad) and not to tell anyone.My other friend told her the same thing. I went after him because my friend held Trea back. She secretly went and told the teacher on meand the boy. I had almost caught up with him and Trea grabbed my shirt from behind. I couldn't get loose because I was hurting and didn't bother to fight back. She took me to the teacher and they kept asking me questions. I answered as many as I could. They asked me why I hadn't told anyone about the fights. I didn't want to because they usually don't do anything. I can't talk to the boy or his friend (I like his friend but that's not the point) because the teachers won't let us. I don't usually cause trouble. This is my first time. My real question is, is Trea my true friend or not? (link)
I wish everyone had a friend like Trea. Sometimes, we give in to emotion and the ability to think logically abandons us. In those moments, it's good to have someone around who can point out the errors we are about to make and hopefully, help us avoid any trouble that we may experience as a result. You say you knew that she was the type to always try and do the right thing. You knew that and tried to get him back anyway. Sounds to me like she was trying to keeo you from making a mistake that you would regret later. That, my dear, is a true friend in ANYONE'S book ;)

I'm not very popular at school and kids pick on me. I don't really know why they do it, it's been that way since 1st grade. I'm in 8th grade now and I'm sick of it. I don't know what I did to deserve this. They hurt me emotionally and physically, should I stand up to them?
Respond please, I'm desperate,
Hurt and confused (link)
I know you're going to get alot of answers saying things like, " What they say/do doesn't matter" and blah, blah, blah. That's true...when you're old enough to know who you are. But the truth is, in the 8th grade...IT DOES MATTER and yes, it hurts. Cool comebacks, and witty responses won't help, I'm sorry. If anything, thatv will make them call you a nerd and pick on you even more. What I would suggest is to simply agree with everything they say about you. That takes all of the fun out of talking about you and picking with you and then it becomes boring. Eventually, they move on to someone else. Hey, it's not you. As for the physical. I'm not going to condone violence, but I AM going to suggest you stick up for yourself. They only do that to feel superior in some way, for their own insecurities. Picking on you makes them feel good about themselves. Once you stand up to them, they losethat ability and that feeling of superiority and once's no longer "fun" for them. There's no "reward" in it. Please.....drop me a line later and let me know how things are going. Good luck.

My friend asked me if I was goth, I didnt know what to tell her. . I mean goths dont usually go right out and yell IM GOTH! But she asked and I always tell the truth, I said ya. She said ew ur weird. . . She asked me this online, she hasnt seen me for weeks. . and I have maracuously changed, not because this lifestyle has become popular, but because I found it deep down in my heart. She got mad at me and everything .. she gave me a necklas and now she wants it back, she said she'd call the cops if i did anything to it, which i didnt and anyways its mine she gave it to me, is being gothic worth it, i rlly ant to be and i like being this. . but should I give up our friendsship and go gothic, or forget gothic and be ehr frined, I think I should forget her, but please tell me if Im right! (link)
Well, I don't know if being Goth is worth it or not. That's for you to decide. but I will say this, any "friend" who calls you weird for following what you believe to be is best for you, is not a friend at all. A true friend may not agree, but would feel comfortable saying that, yet still support you in what you want to do. And by asking you to return the necklace, she's trying to "bully" you into her way of thinking. My advice, give the necklace back...big deal. Keep the black...lose the slack. Find someone who will accept you for who you are.

A good girlfriend of mine from college killed herself on Saturday after a fight she had with her fiance. She was never the kind of girl I would have ever guess to do this sort of thing. So when she called me that night I wasn't in the mood to go party (my boyfriend and I had had a huge fight)I ignored her call and turned off my phone. She called me four times, that night. Monday morning she was found dead. The police called me Monday afternoon, it is thier policy to investigate each death to be sure it is a suicide. They said that my number was the last one on her phone as a listed call.

I am devistated. I cannot face anyone. I resent my boyfriend because of his picking a stupid fight. I feel as though I really screwed up. I was not their for her and she reached out to me.

But my question is why me? Her and I were good friends in college but we had lost touch since she had been engaged we talked maybe every couple of weeks and only briefly. We're always saying that we needed to make plans but it never happened. She was always close to her mom and I am sure she had better friends than me, I know her best firend lived far away. But Mellisa was the kind of girl who always had tons of friends. Why out of all the people she could have called would she call me? I am always going to carry around this responsible feeling and it really is bringing me down. I just feel so powerless.

Noone can say why she called you but her. She may have felt that you would understand what she may have been going through and that's what she was looking for. You could have also been the 5th or 15th person she called that night, we'll never know. I know you probably feel responsible. not for her death, but for "failing" to be there. That leaves you to think, " Maybe I could have done something. Maybe if.......she wouldn't be dead." I know the feeling and it's common. But, in my experience. If someone's going to commit suicide, they usually do. Others voice it, talk about it, bring it up, etc. so that someone can catch on and stop them. They don't really want to die. You said you never though she woud be the type. That tells me that she never brought it up, never mentioned it or even touched on the subject seriously enough to make you stop and wonder. So, that tells me, that there may not have been much that you could have done. She wanted to die. She probably saw that as her only out. It's not your fault. You couldn't, nor will you ever, be able to be "everything to everybody". I know your sadness. Experience it, move through it, and eventually, you'll move beyond it. What happend was a sad, sad tragedy, but sooooooooo not your responsibility. If you still want to talk about this further, just e mail me. I'll be more than happy to discuss it with you.

i posted this question earlier:

what do you do when u fall for you best friend? i know it sounds like the CLASSIC relationship question.. but i really dont know what to do! i have been best friends with this guy for 3 months.. that mite not sound like a long time... but we have grown really close in that time! i like him as more than a friend now and when he starts to talk about who i like... i dont know what to say! he says im shy.. and well i agree.. lol cause im not the foward type to just come out and tell someone that i like them... i dont want to ruin our friend ship by telling him how i feel, but what if he likes me 2 and he wants me to make the first move?? please someone help me..

and id like to thank everyone who answered.. but one more question on that subject.. we go to tha same school and im in 8th and he is in 7th... i know that shouldnt really matter, but ppl will make fun.. what should i do if we do get together and that happens? thanx tons (link)
If you have to enter into a realtionship concerning yourself about the way others will percieve it, then it's probably not a good idea.

My friend(not best friend) is moving! What do I do!? She's moving to Florida and she doesn't want to go. her mom is getting remarried. What do i do?
I don't want her to go and she doesnt want to go. (link)
Sadly, if she's a minor, there's not much either of you can do. Just try to put together a plan of communication ( realistic ) that will carry you both over until the time comes that you can see each other again. See if you can get both of your parents to agree on a plan that would allow one of you to visit the other at a preset time. Hopefully, that will do some good.

Dildo sword fights are all right arn't they. I'm playing with my cousin ryan. Jon and Adrienne (link)
You know...I question why you want to participate in ANYTHING of a sexual nature, play, or otherwise, with a member of your family.

Me & my BFF really wanna pierce our bellybuttons. She's got hers done already, but I can't get mine thru! Any tips?? (link)
Are you doing this yourself? If so, why don't you go to someone who's trained for such a thing. They know the appropriate locations for optimal penetration whereas you may be trying to pierce an area that's not really accepting to such piercings. If you ARE going to someone professional, ask to see his/her credentials. If they aren't up to par, find someone who is and let them have a shot at it. Regardless, please keep in mind that the navel requires EXTREME care to prevent infection.

what do you do when u fall for you best friend? i know it sounds like the CLASSIC relationship question.. but i really dont know what to do! i have been best friends with this guy for 3 months.. that mite not sound like a long time... but we have grown really close in that time! i like him as more than a friend now and when he starts to talk about who i like... i dont know what to say! he says im shy.. and well i agree.. lol cause im not the foward type to just come out and tell someone that i like them... i dont want to ruin our friend ship by telling him how i feel, but what if he likes me 2 and he wants me to make the first move?? please someone help me.. (link)
Sweetheart, I do believe he has already made the first move by asking you who it is that you like. You say you have fallen for your best friend...guess what I say? CONGRATULATIONS :) You have found the relationship that people long for. I know you may be shy, but, if he IS truly your best friend, there should be no reason you can't tell him exactly how you feel. Honestly, I think he already knows. So tell him ( in whatever way is comfortable for you ) and enjoy every moment of it.

All my best friend talks about is her computer! Me & my other friends will talk about what we did over the weekend, and "Ellie" will just talk about gigabites, megabites, and that sort of stuff. We don't understand that sorta stuff at all! How can we get her to talk about normal people stuff, like guys, parties, or even her pets?! (link)
Hmmm, ever thought that maybe she's wondering how to get all of you to talk about RAMS, ROMS, and pixels? We all tend to talk about things that excite US, right? Maybe, your talk is just as boring and foreign to her. It could be that you're bothered by her "sorta' stuff" because you DON'T understand it. SHE may be uncomfortable with what you discuss because she may feel that she doesn't do anything interesting or that she can't compete with your lives. Tell her that you don't understand it and ask if she can explain it. You MIGHT just find it more interesting than you ever thought. Then maybe you can invite her along to experience one of your week-ends and give her a little something extra to talk about.

my friend mari just got dumped by this kid zack and he likes my friend nicole.. and nicole liked him. well, mari found out about nicole and zack and she told nicole that she doesnt want them going out because she still likes zack. i tried to tell nicole not to do it because her and mari are friends. well, nicole did it to mari. and they are both my friends and i dont want to get stuck in the middle of everything. then they went to a basketball game. and nicole told me that mari went up to her and said that she is going to get zack back. and i asked mari if thats true and she said no. then she went and told nicole that i told mari nicole punched her in the face. and i didnt. and i dont know what to do! (link)
Tell everyone to stop having anything to do with Zack. He sounds like the low life in all of this. He shouldnt have apprached anyone he knew was a friend of his ex.

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