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I'm a 38 year old psychologist living in Nashville, Tennessee. Until shortly over a year ago, I hosted a radio/tv talk show. At the moment, I'm amid plans to start a new one called, " One Man's Opinion". It's a radio show FOR women, ABOUT men, BY a man.
Seeing that alot of issues are age-related, please state your age when posing a question.
Gender: Male
Location: Nashville, Tennessee
Occupation: Psychologist
Age: 38
Member Since: November 30, 2003
Answers: 349
Last Update: September 15, 2009
Visitors: 18359

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how can i stop bein shy around boys?? i cant help it!! n i blush all the time!!!!!!! ahhhhhhhhh help me please and i will LOVE You for ever (link)
Just try and think of something that makes you feel secure. Usually people are shy because they feel they have nothing to add or that they are not up to the level of the people that surround them. The next time you find yourself in that position, try focusing on something that's not so perfect on the person. Find something that makes you feel better about something you have, for instance, " Boy, his nose is alot worse than mine" and that will bring them down to a level that will make you feel a lot more comfortable with yourself, and feel more at ease about sharing yourself. Hope this helps. Id loved to be loved forever :)

a few of us who use this site quite a bit r trying 2 get 2 know the columnists better ok?we're just wondering if that girl in the pic on your page with u is ur wife, girlfriend, friend, someone u work with or maybe even another columnist. not tryin 2 get in ya biznass but if u gonna post the pic then u know somebody's gonna ask! lol since she's on there with u we figured it 2 be ur wife or somebody important in ur life which is kewl. maybe not, maybe somebody you wanna 4get like we found out from some other columnist, LOL (link)
lol, I understand. Let's just say that I'm not married, never have been, and am at the moment, single. But without a doubt, she is someone VERY important in my life. Hope this helps.

how can i loosen up? (link)
I don't know. Id have to know what it is you feel you're uptight about. I wish I could give more on this, but with the info I have, I just cant. I'm sorry.

i tend to make people around me uncomfortable n its like moments of silence x 100000! i hate it sooo much what do i do!! pls help me!! if i change this about myself ill be the happiest person on EARTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i wish i were crazzzy n fuN!! (link)
ask yourself what it is that makes them uncomfortable. If you can identify that, then take the steps to try and change the behavior that brings it about. How about this...are you SURE they're uncomfortable? I mean, have you been told this or is it something that you THINK may be the case. If tats the case, then maybe YOU are actually uncomfortable, and your level of uncomfort leads you to believe that its actually them. Give it some thought.

hi im a 16 yr old girl from florida..theres this guy that i like..i dont know if he likes me back...but hes really nice to me..he compliments me and the problem is that a lot of girls like him..and hes always surrounded by girls..bc hes a very talkative outgoing guy! hes totally my type..and ive been waiting for a while for a guy like this to come a long..hes smart funny outgoing athletic hot etc etc! i dont know what to friends with some of his friends..should i play hard to get..or what?? i dont wanan drive him away from me...hes used to girls (link)
I have a saying that I'm quite proud of. " Play hard to get and you may not get got". If he compliments you, thats a sure sign of interest. How about asking some of his friends if they know anything. Maybe hes been saying things about you that will tell. Remember, youve been waiting this long for someone like him, think about how long you may have to wait if you miss out. Good luck, hon.

hi i have a goes my situation..
not to sound conceited but i know im a very pretty girl n so do all the other people..that is not the problem is that i often feel uncomfortable in social totally cool if i know the person..or the people..or if its one on one..but if i get introduced to people i dont know i feel very uncomfortable and can never be myself..or when it comes to presentations in class n stuff..its weird bc if u know me well u would never think iwould be like that..most ppl that know me well(outside of school) think im crazy n fun..but in school its totally seems like i cant loosen up..sometimes i feel a little at lunch i was sitting with 2 people i knew n other people i didnt and i felt really weird and uncomfortable n didnt know what to do..please help me! please.i dont know what to do..i mean im totally cool w these people outside of school...we hang etc..even if i dont know them..outside of school im really outgoing n just introduce myself to a lot of people..but at school i like me please!! (link)
That's a common problem. You have created a persona with the people you see on a daily basis, and that works for you. You like the idea they have of you. After awhile, you start to identify with their idea as the person you are, you define yourself by what they think. When you meet someone new, you experience anxiety because they may not see the "you" that you have come to like, and may see seomthing that you may not want them to see. You say you do fine in social situations withthose that you know. Try and focus on interractiong with the ones you know and while you are, the others will join in, feeling comfortable, and you'll soon be interacting with them without a second thought.

Me and my boyfriend broke up today.

I was mad at him, he seemed to be ignoring me (and I need attention) and he just wanted to play a game for the 6 days before school started instead of wanting to see me.

So after some arguing, he typed to me he didnt want to hurt me but its best we be friends, and I was thinking the same, I just wanted his input on it.

I just felt like telling you this because I feel its one of the bigger things I've done by myself.

I'm crying and stuff, trying to get over a broken heart...I miss him, but then again I know I'm better off without him. I shouldn't be missing him...should I? Maybe the age gap was too big? He was actually really kiddish now that I look back... (link)
Congrats on making the move. Not becasue you left, but because you said it's one of the biggest moves you made and thats always a good thing.
As for the rest of it, it sounds like you have already answered your own questions.
You're going to miss him and that's normal. That only shows that you actually cared. If you two don't get back together, eventually, it will hurt less and things will be even more clear. Just tell yourself that there's more out there and soon, you'll find the one that's better suited for you, and you will.
I'm glad you chose to share this with me. I wish you the best, I really do.

I am seeing a new man, (Goerge) He is Latino . I am Black and Latino.
I am not sure if he and I are understanding each other at all? Or if I am reading him correctly? Honestly I am very, very confused.
He is manly and a hard worker,The sex is pretty great. I like him! but, I am not sure what message he is trying to get across to me? I have a few theories but I will ask you for your advice and see what you think about it?
First let's just start off by saying that I am a Black/Latino woman who loves Rock metallica.
I also love Alot of R&B. However I have a 3 year old daughter, and I tend to notice that videos which are hip hop tend to show case scantily clothed woman, and I don't feel are a good example for my daughter. So she is not allowed to watch much TV and no videos< instead I have her reading and just being a kid.
Also, I am very active in Both my communities, Black and Latino, I consider myself to be very proud of my ancestory. Although I don't speak Spanish, I study alot about the Spanish Puerto Rican Culture as a whole.
Furthermore,I am an artistic person. And I love art in general.All types of music and the such.
Basically I told Goerge that I love Rock, Alternative and Metallica, I also used to live on the West Coast, however I NOW live in the North East I don't like the North East as much, especially where I live now. BUt I have no choice right now to move.
Also,basically I am a Sci fi Vampire film fan, and that is the type of music I enjoy listening too as well. Well, Goerge constantly calls me a "white Girl" He says I am a "sell out" Simply because I don't like the east coast as much as the West Coast, I think this is very childish for him to think like this? I was born in NY City. And I never liked it there when I lived there in NY, and somehow, I ended up enjoying the West Coast alot more. I'll admit, that I often call myself a "WEST coaster", because I lived there a long time, and well somehow Goerge believes that I am ashamed of the fact that I was born in NY? Which I am not?!!!But I refuse to justify my beliefs and my tastes. It's simple, I just never like NY as much as the West Coast.
Even on matters which we may be joking around about, I tried being a good sport so to speak, about the "white Girl" Comments,and even going along with some of his insensitive comments..
Over all he comes off as a very close minded insecure person? Yet I am not sure if his complaints come from his heart? Or is he simply trying to piss me off? so that I will break it off with him? That way he does not have to do the dirty work of breaking it off with me?
Anyway< He always takes my every response or retalitory remark, as an insult to HIM personally!? lately more than before now? He acts totally hypocritical, and even when he realizes that I am striking back with similiar derogatory remarks. It's becoming a competition now, And it's childish. I feel like am starting to act as childish as he is!!
When we first met, I told him all about my interests. We are both grown people in our early 30's and I thought he would be an open minded person, like myself. When I first met him, He acted like he was an open minded person?, 3 weeks later now, and Lately all he does is complain about all my little so called flaws? and (HE claims) my so called "lack of interest in being a Puerto Rican?" I don't have a lack of interest with my culture, That was an absurd statement for him to make! in fact,I love my culture! But I don't feel I have to stay in a little box? I feel that I have the right to explore, other concepts and cultures as well.I try to explain to him, that I was not raised by the Puerto Rican side of my family, I never had a Puerto Rican lifestyle. But that does not mean that I don't have an interest in my cultures.
I'd also like to mention that (Goerge) He claims, that I am looking at other men all the time, when we are driving together. (Which I am NOT!!) I'm sick of the untruthful accusations. If I even move my eyes around to politely notice someone in my view, Goerge claims I am looking at some dude? and so called "disrespecting" him?
Then he will spit out ruthless comments about how I am not raising or discipling my daughter the right way. Even though she is a pretty typical 3 year old. He just comes off with this over all superiority attitude towards me? I am sure I have made mistakes with my daughter, I am not perfect but I try my best!, I am a single parent. Goerge only gets his son on the weekends, so he never really raised his son full time like I've raised my daughter.
He has a 10 year old son who is spoiled, does not clean up after himself, doesnt say please, thankyou or excuse me? And Goerge never corrects his son? YEt, he believes he has a right to comment about some common 3 year old misbehavior on my daughter part? I never say anything about his spoiled 10 year old, who watches sexy videos and goes to bed when he wants to, everynight?
He doesnt discipline his OWN son!!!, yet I never comment on it? His son is just plain anti sociable and rude, and lazy to boot.
Furthermore (goerge) He never had a problem with the fact that I rarely listen to Salsa music, he also knew that I didnt speak Spanish all that well.Yet he still pursued me for his girlfriend.
I have taken plenty of Spanish, but i still don't speak it fluently. However I am learning by listening to his family.
He can be pretty judgemental to my face. Just commenting about stuff he has no real right to comment about? He acts like my daughter is supposed to be perfect? It really annoys me.
Cause his son is so rude and immature for his age.
I am not sure what to do, because the flip side of this whole ordeal is that he can be so sweet, and loving and concerned. He is generous, and DOES manage to treat me like a complete lady.
He is employed, responsible.
He is not the most informed,educated parent, although he is a very GOOD Dad.
I don't want to marry him, or even think about long term. But I find myself still drawn to him, And wanting to be with him.
I don't know what to do? And it's just bothering me.
Can you help?
Do SOME guys act like this, when they are trying to dump a girl? meaning: Complain? And if so, Why can't some men be more direct like alot of us women are? We just say "it's over" and move on.
I didnt want to break it off with him? But if this continues I will feel like I have to? I'm sort of emotionally into him because we have been intimate alot. He says I am the only woman in his eyes, then he contradicts his words with his poor actions.
Does he really want me to get pissed off and break up with him?
IS this what Goerge REALLY wants?
Thanks for any help you can give to me.

My God! To be real, querida, what's it going to take? Does he have to hit you over the head with a load of bricks to get you to realize exactly what he's doing and who he is. You say he's concerned, loving and so forth. I, and I'm sure on some deeper level you'd care not look at, you know better. He's mean, arrgant, patronizing and EXTREMELY insecure. he doesn't like himself so he wonders how could anyone else like him. Not wanting to correct whet HE sees in himself, he makes himself feel better by making you feel worse. I understand your east/west sentiment. New York is not for everyone, and apparently, it's not for you. Does that mean you'll burn in hell for all eternity? No, it means that you have a different slant on things, THATS ALL. And you know what? He knows that, too. As for you selling out, being ashamed, and the myriad of other things he says "jokingly", he wants you to be who he wants, not who you want, and Im sorry, no one is that important. You say you're emotionally into him because youve been intimate alot. That's weak and I know you know it. Youre afraid to be alone. For however long it may take, it's easier and more comfortable to stay with who you're with, that to go out, meet someone, learn them, their likes, dislikes, and have them learn yours, and go through the entire dance again, and thats the bottom line. I think you're a verty sweet young lady. Youd have to be to try and justify that which he has done, but I know you know what you need to do. You're just looking for someone else to tell you that it's ok. If thats the case, I'm saying it. Run.....and run fast. "George" is interested in nothing he cant control, and he's getting very close to having you in that position. For your daughter, dont do it. Get away, find someone who truly deserves you. He's out there, trust me. Best wishes, hon.

School is getting ready to start up again, and I don't think there will ever be a chance for me and that 4-year guy...I think I might be over him, though it saddens me that we never became anything.

I have a boyfriend now...age gap is a little over 2 years. I met him on the net and within the week we were going out...its almost 1 1/2 months now, I believe. He's so much better than Mr. 4, I think. Although I won't get to see him in classes...

But he has some funky schedule and if I have 1st lunch he can come to visit me at school...but...I feel so mean...I feel as if I will be embarassed if he comes and sits with me, and I don't know why! And it's making me feel bad...

I don't know why I feel this way. This is a serious relationship in my opinion, although not the best time for one, as this is my first relationship in a couple of years. We've already fought a couple times and it's only been...1 and a half months?

I don't know why I feel this way...maybe because I'm afraid what my friends will think of him? I don't know why I care about that either... (link)
Sounds like you hit it right on the head. It would seem the biggest part of your problem IS what your friends may think. Right now, your friends compose the largest part of your social and personal circle. To have something sit not so well with them can possibly do damage to more than just your relationship with him. Speaking of which, you say you have fought a couple of times already in one and a half months. Guess're behind schedule, lol. Usually, the infatuation phase wears a little thin before then and then the REAL people involved come out, thus the arguments. I think you may be making a bigger deal of it because you're looking for a reason to head off as what you see as an inevitable embarrasment-fest. If you enjoy this guy, let things take their course. i bet you'll find that your friends care less about his age than you think they will. And who says they have to know his age in the first place. Let go, and let yourself be a little happier.

hey im a 13/f/8th grade..i think my teenage life if guna suck! my mom wont let me get a cell till im 17..i cant go shopping or go to the movies without a parent with us (and and my friend) till im in tenth grade..i cant get my eye brows waxed till who knows when..i cant get contacts till im like 17 (i want them really bad cause guys say i look really hot without glasses..but if i dont wear them i cant see anything!) im not allowed to bring a guy friend not allowed to hang around with my friendds to much (only once or twice a week)..i have to clean the house even if no one is coming over..and im only alowed to stay on the computer for an hour (even though i dont listen to that) . im not allowed to get new school closthes..i have to keep the clothes i have for 2 or 3 years (and we are not poor)i have NO FUN! no matter what i try to do..and please dont say sit down and talk to ur mom (my dad would let me do these things..its up to my mom)because i get yelled at for mentioning those things..WHAT CAN I DO TO HAVE A N O R M A L teenage life????? (link)
I hate to tell you this and you'll probably not want to hear it, but, your life is about as normal as it can get. I can't think of one thing I would do different than your parents. As a matter of fact, I wish more parents were like yours. You're being taught the value of responsibility and boundaries when most children have none. At least you get one of your requests, I won't tell you to sit down and talk to your parents. At your age, you should have a time to be home, you should not have boys over, etc etc. My rating with you is going to suck, I know, but I have to stick to giving the best advice I can. I'm sorry. But you'll see whan you're a bit older. Better yet, watch some of your friends NOW and see where their lives are headed.

I looked through the advicenators web sight for someone more my age (35) to help with my situation. Luckily I found you!

I have a wonderful husband, I know he loves me. Everyone tells me the wonderful things he says about me. I know he’s faithful. Some people say, how can you know for sure? Because I do. He takes me everywhere with him and emails me constantly when we are apart.

I only have one complaint about him. He is very unaffectionate. He will hug and kiss me, but only if I initiate the touching. Sometimes when I hug him, he just stands there like, “Are you finished yet?” Our sex life is inconsistent at best (this has been going on for 5 years, we’ve been together 10). The last time we had sex was sometime in May. In the past, when I have tried to discuss this, he says, “Why do we have to talk about this, you’re just making me feel worse about us not having sex and that just pushes me farther away.”

I have learned to live without the sex. I’m OK that he is not able to perform, but I am absolutely STARVED for “some kind” of affection. I can’t talk to him about it, I can tell that he is very uncomfortable. I know I can’t change him. I hate to admit this, but if someone came along and could give me affection… I wonder what I would do… My husband has even made jokes about how I should go find someone who can do “that” with me. He says he would totally understand (Which I don’t believe) because he knows that I am starved for affection. So my question is: How can I live with someone so unaffectionate? Is there anything that I can say to him that will help? Should I just ride this out and see if he changes on his own? This problem seems so petty compared to others I have read on this sight, but that doesn't make it any less real.
Oh how I understand. This "problem" is not as uncommon as you may think. I don't know the level of uncomfort your husband feels when you attempt to discuss the subject, but I know it must be heavy for him to start "joking" about your finding someone else. As Shakespeare said, " Many a truth is said in jest". It sounds as if your husband has already accepted the fact that sex will not be a major factor in your relationship. His joking is another uncomfortable way for him to say, " Hey, I know this is a problem for you, what do you think about this as a solution", giving you "permission" if you will. If you really want to talk to him, start the conversation at a time when it's most relaxing for the two of you, when he will be more receptive. Tell him that you know how uncomfortable it makes him, but not discussing makes you just as uncomfortable, and if he is willing to compromise, then, if you two can talk it through until youre satisfied, one way or the other, then you will never mention it again. He may let out that long, exasperated sigh that we men do when we think we're about to be ambushed, but I think he'll go along. I'm sorry I cant answer this in as much detail as I'd like, but every situation is different and I don't feel that a public forum is the best place for me to express my undiluted thoughts. If you wish, e mail me at my address and I will answer more thoroughly.

ive been a memeber 4 a while but like i get no ?'s i kno this is a weird ? but i would really love to help ppl idk but yeah thanx x0x-chels (link)
I understand and no, it's not weird. Might I suggest you do as I did when I first started. Go to the homepage and pick categories. Find questions there that you would like to answer and when they read your response, they will remember you. If they like it, they may even start to look for your advice in particular. Good luck.

im 13 and im 5'4..i weigh i fat? (link)
I don't like the term fat. But I will say that you're close to being on the unhealthy side of the weight scale. Because of your short stature, youre not able to "carry" as much weight as someone taller. If you feel comfortable with yourself, then that's all that matters, but keep in mind that even when one does have self esteem, it is still important to watch one's health. I would suggest you keep a close eye on your weight and maybe even drop a few to be on the safe side.

I got grounded on like... July 17th or somewhere around there. I know it's only been like a week and a half (2 this friday) but it feels like forever. What happened was... I said i was going to a friends house. My dad dropped me off and then I left and went to a party. This kid named rob, who i said i never wanted to talk to again, called my parents. He told htem I was drinking and "guys were trying to take advantage of me" which was not true at all. He got there to see what was happening and i started crying because he had done stuff to me and I didnt want him to before. (he had sex with me.. but i said no and shit) Well my parnets found me and now I'm grounded. Except I can't stand being grounded!! I need a parent's advice on what to do to get off groundment. I'm a good kid, I really am. I get kind of good grades (my last report card said i had a 91 for my 4th quarter ave) I'm active in sports (bowling, cheerleading, softball.. i used to play bball, vball, and wrestled) I have a job, I pay my own cell phone bill. My parents took everything from me! I dont have my cell, i cant use the computer, i cant use the phone, go places or have people over! I can't stand it! I'm stuck home everyday for the rest of my life with my sister who is... well a little sister and acts like a brat. I cant handle this anymore... idk. Please.. tell me whawt I can do to get my parents to unground me. I've been cleaning the house and doing everything I really can! :( (link)
That's a hard one because your parents may not see things the way I do and therefore, may not react the way I would. However, might I suggest that you sit down and "Explain" to them, an apology. Tell them EXACTLY what you did wrong, and the reason you know they punished you. That let's them know that you TRULY see the error of your ways and that you are no longer looking at it from your viewpoint only. Explain how you think your actions may have affected THEM. Something like, " And I know when I do that, it only adds distrust to my relationship with you, and makes you worry about me and my safety, and that's not something I want to do to you. " Add a situation in which you would feel the same, " If (name) did that to me, I would feel the same way and be just as angry as you were". Let them see that not only do you see WHY they grounded you, but you share in what they were feeling. The more you get them to realize that you are FULLY aware of the entire situation and the problems that result, then the better your chances could be of getting the punishment removed. All we want to know as parents is that our children LEARN what it is we're trying to teach them for their own good. That's all I can think of. I wish you the best of luck because it does sound as if you TRULY have lerned your lesson, at least in this case. Let me know how it goes, ok?

I am 21 and married and no longer live with my family. But theyve been going through a lot lately, and I wish there was some way I could help them.
I recently discovered that my younger brother, 16 years old, has been sneaking out, lying to our parents, and worst of all, dealing drugs to other kids in the community. My mother has never disciplined us, and my father has no idea how to handle him anymore.
Not so long ago, he used to be such a good kid. But I dont even know him anymore. Im afraid that my little brother will end up very hurt or in jail, or worse.
How can I prevent this situation from getting worse? What can my father do to curtail this behavior? Is there anything you can suggest? (link)
Well right now, he doesnt see your father as an impeding factor. he doesnt respect his authority and obviously not much of anyone else's either. The choice to change has to be his. What you ( or your father ) CAN do, is try and find out why the behavior started. I know thats alot to undertake, but it's most important to ending, or at least, curtailing his actions. Try to think when it started and dont be afraid to point fingers at yourselves, if need be. Once youve figured that out, the rest should fall into place. If you need anything else, I'm here. And I hate to say it, but if nothing else helps, you may have tocall the police on him and turn him in. At least youll KNOW the outcome. Good luck and God bless.

Can you get pregnant without a guy using protection and not cumming inside of you? Is that posible cuz im about to start my period?
No, you cant. The spermatozoa has to be present to be impregnated and his not ejaculating inside of you decreases the risk exponentially. BUT, if yu plan to have sex, with him "pulling out", keep in mind that even a small drop "spilled" on you, or just coming in contact with the vagina CAN cause pregnancy. Be safe, if youre going to have sex, use protection.

I want to be a writer so bad! but I don't really don't have that much still. I still thinking being a song writer and that i always have lot to say and don't seem to get it out I can writ songs I dont know how to end it.... (link)
I can sense your frustration. I know how hard it is to want to do seomthing so badly and have it seem to fall apart each and every time. Might I suggest that you keep a notepad with you, if you don't already, and jot down ideas as they come to you. Sometimes, we get hung up because the entire idea is'nt coming to fruition, when we had it in small, broken ideas all along. Also, try to etll yourself that it's not too late, and that you have time. Relieve some of the stress that goes accmpanies your desire to write. That could very well be what['s blocking you from successfully doing so. Good luck.

Okay, here's the situation. The guy who spends all the time with the girl I have an enormous crush on is getting a little obsessed. It's gotten to the point where he calls 6 times a day, sometimes at 3 in the morning. She was complaining about it to me, and I wasn't sure what to tell her. All I could think of to say was that she should tell him to stop calling so much. It got a little awkward because right when she started to talk about this he walked in the door. I'm still unsure how she feels. I'm not sure if she still wants to be friends with him, if she wants to date him and is just blowing off some steam, or what. They still spend an enormous amount of time together, and she doesn't seem to mind too much. I have no idea what they do together. She's too nice to tell him to stop calling directly. So what should I tell her? And I know it's probably none of my business, so I'm wondering if I should tell her anything, or if I should just let her figure out what to do on her own. I'm trying to see her situation clearly, but my jealousy gets in the way. Please give me your thoughts. (link)
First, I think it IS your business, ONLY because she asked you for your opinion. That invited you into the scene.
You say that you're not sure what she wants to do, and before I could give my opinion on what I think you should do, I would suggest you find that out first. With your jealousy tainting things from your perspective, you may take an action that she really didn't want, only because secretly, you wished to see the dissolution of the relationship. Then, not only have you hindered one relationship, but yours with her, as well.
Talk to her a little more, see exactly what she wants from him. Is it just to stop calling so much. Is it to stop all together? And then ask HER what it is she would like you to do. That way you can never go wrong, at least not in the choice you make. Let me know how this one turns out.

I'm a 24 year old female and ever since I was a child, I've dealt with painful and hurtful situations by making myself believe that these situations didn't matter or pretending everything was alright. I've always refused to face the reality. For example, I was overweight as a child but my sister was the slim and pretty one. As a child, I picked up certain words or behaviour from my parents, which let me know they favoured my sister over me. But I told myself time and time again that I didn't care less about my weight that everything was perfect. Another example is when my last boyfriend left me, I was devastated. But instead of going through the usual crying etc. that my friends seem to do, I made myself believe that I didn't care about him at all, that it didn't matter if he left or stayed.
Somehow that's always been my survival tactic. So, over the years I have put up walls to protect myself from getting hurt. I just can't bring myself to feel the pain, so I avoid it. Now I feel so detached from everything and anything, and I've just realised I simply don't know how to feel. People often tell me how cold and unemotional I am. But I don't mean to be. I am just so scared of the rejection and getting hurt that I don't know what to do.
I noticed a couple of good points in your letter right off the bat. One, you state that you know it's a defense mechanism, which means you are aware, and awareness can bring about change. I wish you had gone into more detail about some of the issues. You say you were overweight. I don't know if that's simply comparing yourself to your sister or if you were overweight in an unhealthy way. If it wasn't unhealthy, then you may be able to look at it as being secure within yourself. But you know more about you than I do, and if you say it was a defense, then that's what it was. Two, you say you don't know how to feel, yet, you described it eloquently in stating how you feel about the position in which you now find yourself. You feel detached, which means that must be something that you FEEL is missing, something you yearn for, and you're "scared of rejection and getting hurt". No, you feel just fine, dear. If you truly believed all of these things that kept you from getting hurt, then you would be fine at the moment. But I think the problem is, you don't believe any of the things you've allowed yourself to state to get through the pain. That would be a good start for you. Try to tell yourself that the things you have always said to get you through those times are TRUE. Look for the good things in yourself. Things you like about yourself, without comparing yourself to ANYONE else. Look at yourself as an individual, with your own little flair to add to others' lives. You're worried about rejection because you don't like who you are. And if you don't like you, then there's no way anyone else could, right? So you set yourself up to believe that rejection is impending. I see from the short letter you wrote, that there's alot of compassion and careinbg within you, regardless of what people "see". They see what you them to. Let them see who's really there. I bet it's not as bad as you think.

everytime i have an orgasm i dont cum... am i quitting too soon or doin something wrong?? all my friends say they cum...o ya... i AM A GIRL! (link)
I really don't get the question. When you orgasm, you ARE cumming, THATS what orgasm is. I think you may be referring to ejaculate. If thats the case, then dont fret it, not many women do, so you're normal.

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