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I'm a 38 year old psychologist living in Nashville, Tennessee. Until shortly over a year ago, I hosted a radio/tv talk show. At the moment, I'm amid plans to start a new one called, " One Man's Opinion". It's a radio show FOR women, ABOUT men, BY a man.
Seeing that alot of issues are age-related, please state your age when posing a question.
Gender: Male
Location: Nashville, Tennessee
Occupation: Psychologist
Age: 38
Member Since: November 30, 2003
Answers: 349
Last Update: September 15, 2009
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Well I think things have way mellowed out--perhaps gone downhill for me and him. Nothing really exciting has happened for a while. No notes, no 'signs', whatever.

Well, I think I'm getting mixed signals and that pisses me off. Marie still thinks he's "SO into you(me)!". Anyhow, a little 'exciting' thing kind of happened and I feel the need to tell you since I have left you hanging since last time.

Well in the action hour, our teacher was yap yapping and I looked over at him (I do that quite often) and he was looking STRAIGHT at me. Like his whole body was shifted over in my direction, and I could see him head-on. It freaked me out and my heart jumped and I quickly turned back around. I looked again a little bit later and he was looking at me. I looked again, later still, and he was sleeping. Then, I looked AGAIN, and he was getting ready to look at me when I turned away.

Maybe he just thinks it's fun to mess with me because he knows I like him? Marie suggested writing him a note about 'could we ever be together' blah blah blah. I truly think he isn't ready for anything serious, so maybe I should leave him alone? Maybe I'm not ready either?

What to do, what to do. (link)
Well, you could very well be right when you say that maybe he's messing with you because he knows how you feel. That's why i suggested earlier that you just tell him or ask him outright what exactk he feels. Dont ask him if he THINKS there will ever be a future type question. When you give him that, it leaves him the option to say yes when he knows it may never be and you'll be sitting by waiting on things....based on his answer. No, ask him directly, and that will end it. Make him shit or get off of the pot. I can see you're getting a bit tired with him, but you do have to be fair, so that you'll know you've done all tha you can to find out. And thanks for keeping me up on things.

But you're giving really good advice!

Anywho, today we were taking a test in the 'action class' (the one where all the asking has taken place, etc.) and his girlfriend knows he has that class 1st hour. Well I guess they broke up, because the friend said loudly (as we were taking that test) "I can't believe you EVER went out with Jared!"

Implied: He's single.

Well, I heard some people asking him about it, but I didn't want to cause he knows I like him and all that. It sounded like he said something like 'Yeah, but we'll be going out tomorrow' or something, but I'm NOT sure. I did hear him say 'Yeah, we broke up' though. So I think he's single.

Marie thought it quite the coincidence that after he knows I like him that a couple days later him and his girlfriend breaks it off. She thinks that, quote, "He's totally into you!(me)"

So, I turn to you again...what do YOU think? I know you were talking about being alone with him and talking, but I don't know when I could do that. (link)
Number one,'re not bugging me :) Now, the first thing I have to say is, Marie sounds like quite the bright bulb. Given the circumstances, I too, would say (again) ;) that he is into you. But now, you have to be a little more careful. how does he feel now that they have broken up? Is he sad, depressed, torn. etc.? If he is, then you have to be "cool" enough to restate your feelings without seeming too disinterested in how he may be feeling. You might even consider being the "ear" for him in his time of need. That would also help in your being able to get the "alone time" you need with him. Tell him that you "just heard" and you would like to be there for him if he feels he wants to talk about it ( see where this is going ). Who may find out that he's not THAT torn up about it, at which time you can SUBTLY start to feel him out about the two of you. If it's not what you want to hear at first, be considerate, he may just be reacting from his break up and may feel that he doesn't need to get "involved" again, so soon. Just "be there" for him...DO NOT talk bad about the girl he just broke up with BIG MISTAKE ( it makes you look petty and immature ), but, don't sing her praises either. You want him for yourself. Take this opportunity to tell him what you think about him, without sounding like you're hitting on him. Something like, " It'll be ok. You won't be alone for long. You've got so much to offer and I KNOW somone's going to notice that. You're handsome, kind, considerate, compassionate. You got a great sense of humor...etc.," What will happen in HIS mind is that he will start to hear what you're saying...about HIM, and transfer those thoughts of who he is as a person, to what YOU think of him as a person. He'll see how much you care, and then.....let it go from there. You didn't push....didn't "bug" him, didn't run him off and didn't bash the girl he was with and STILL got him to see how you felt about him, while seeming soooooooo caring all the while. Got it? I thought so ;) Good luck, hon. Let me know. "Bug me" anytime :)

Okay. Well my friend (I'm only 13, so I s'pose that's the best way to communicate) asked him if he liked me. He told her 'as a friend'.

Well today, he was very confusing. I looked over while I was grading something, and he had his head in his hand looking at me. I quickly turned away as if I had not seen it. Then, I looked over again some time later, and he was looking too. This time we locked eyes(like I just CAN'T look away!!!), and I guess I twitched one of my eyebrows (or lifted it unconsciously? You know, the 'one eyebrow raise') and he did it back. He used to do that all the time to me last year. Anyway, I 'eyebrowed' him back, smiled, then turned away.

I don't get it. The day my friend (Let's call her Marie) told him I liked him and he said he liked me as a friend, she kept looking at him to see what he was doing. She said he was staring at me and had a look across his face of "I'm in deep thought about her." It kind of makes sense that if he was staring at me, then flirting, or whatever.

Damn him! So...uh, what do you think? Since you're a psychologist and all...right? (link)
I think he may be a little uncomfortable SAYING that he likes you. Actually verbalizing it may pose a bit of a challenge for him, and his staring may be his way of "letting you know". I think if anything really is to come of this, YOU will have to ask him. Not your friend, or anyone else that may make his level of uncomfort worse. Make sure there's noone else around when you do and I'm sure you'll get the truth out of him.

i hate my mom so much she is so mean all she cares about is my sister and borthere whci r 10 months and 2 months she doesnt ever do anythign with me i feel like killing myself or running away im 13 andi hate my mom so much i cant even explain it she is a real big bitch and she calls me a bitch sometimes to and when im not even doing anythign she beats me and threatens to all the time but i hate it and i need help i try to ignore her for days but that doesnt work wut should i do about my horrible mother? (link)
I would really like to know FIRST how long this has been taking place. If it's recently, then your mom may be experiencing what's known as post-partum depression. In this, she may be feeling trapped by the birth of the two youngest and as a result, going through alot of anger that she ttansfers to you. I know it's not fair, but if you understand it, it may make it easier to cope with. Suicide without a doubt, is defintiely not the way out. i'm sure you have a lot left to give to the world and we want to be seflsih and receive it :) Regardless of the reasons, you definitley need to seek the advice of a professional. See if the guidance counselo9r at school can point you in the right direction. After discussing this with them, they may want to see your mom as well. be prepared for her to feel violated and betrayed, but in the end, she'll she it's in her own best interest. Good luck. God bless you, hon.

ok, 4-h is having a camp out of town. my grandma is afraid i'll get homesick. and she doesn't trust everybody. Life is such a drag! She says I can't go unless she is a chaperon. My friends get to go. I told her that they get to go. She says I'm the boss and you're gonna listen to what I say. (i live with her) My friends' dads are chaperones and one's mom is a chaperon. I told her that and she said I'll think about letting you go. I askedmyfriend what were the odds of my grandma(who is 63) of becoming a chaperon. She said 0 out of 10. What do I do? Please don't tell me to wait because i already have waited and asked her about every 5 days. She keeps saying I'll think about it. I know that means no. If you have the odds of her becoming a chaperon or even the chances of me going please tell me even if its stupid. Im desperate! If u nowhat i should do tell me that, too. thanks. :) (link)
There's nothing that YOU will be able to do to change her mind. She feels comfortable telling you, " I'll think about it" because she knows that YOU know that means no. What I would suggest is to have one of your friends' parents who WILL be a chaperone to go and have a talk with her. That way, they, as adults, can put to rest any fears that your grandmother may have. They can even assure her that they will keep a close eye on you. That may ease her mind enough to let you go. I think that all she wants to do is be assured that you will be safe.

Lately my boyfriend is being very cold to me. He doesn't want to hug or hold me, he barelly calls. I try to be very affectionate with him but it hurts when you get no affection back. He constantly thinks that I am either lying or cheating on him, which I am doing neither. I love him very much and I want things to work out between us but I don't know what else to do to show him I am good to him. What should I do? (link)
Usually, a person will "see" actions in others that they would take themselves. If I think you're cheating or lying, then it's probably because I saw you do something that I would do if I was lying or cheating. I'm not saying 100% that HE is cheating, but I'd bet a good amount of money on it. Couple that with the fact that he is being very distant and cold towards you, I'd say that not only is he cheating, but you're quickly becoming a last minute deal. Be fair, tell him how you feel, and what you would like to see from him. If things don't change, then you'll have to move on.

I recently just became boyfriend and girlfriend with this really nice guy. I really like him and I know he likes me, but he doesn't want people to know about us yet. A dance is coming up and I REALLy want to slow dance with him but I also don't want to give him away to all his friends. I also heard him telling someone he doesn't like anyone when i was right there. I respect that he doesn't want people to know...But i do. What should I do? (link)
Why does he not want anyone to know? And a better question is why should you have to keep your feelings in the closet? Maybe he's the type of gentleman that likes to have his cake and eat it, too. There's something starnge about his request. Even if you two weren't dating, dancing with him at a dance wouldn't necessarily give that impression. And with evferyone thinking he doesn't like anyone, he leaves himself open to date the next person that catches his attention without the threat of being exposed because all of his other "girlfriends" are being "secretive". Don't "respect" the fact that he doesn't want people to know. You deserve to be respected.

"Actually, I think he DOES like you. I just think you're both the victims of poor timing AND planning. You say he was " icy and cold ". Could it be that hje may have been uncomfortable because he IS in a relationship at the moment, and now having something else to deal with makes him feel that way. He says he's afraid, which could mean that he sees the possibility of something happening between the two if you as a reality and THAT makes him afraid. I'm wondering why you had your friend tell him that you're crushing on him when you KNOW he has a girlfriend. How do YOU really feel? You say HE may find it no longer fun when you "surrender" but could it be that your crush is not as intense if HE'S not with someone? I'm not accusing, I'm just suggesting you look at it from a different point of view. You also said that he's known this before. What happened? Why didn't you two make a go of it then? That has alot to do with where you are now. Answer that, and your new question will be answered. Regardless though, to be fair, why don't you wait until he's single again before you bring up questions or infer about the two if you. Good luck."-You

Well, see, he was OUT of the relationship when my friend was supposed to tell him. I heard after school that they had gotten back together that day.

Okay, in fourth grade, he had a girlfriend most of the year. I always waited on him, seeing if he'd make a move on me. He never really did. See he went out with my SISTER (who is in my grade--she went to Developmental first) in 5th and 6th grade. That was what made me really mad...I'd thought he'd known once before, so I thought he just made it apparent that he didn't care. I still secretly liked him until 7th grade, where we had most classes together. This is when we got REALLY close (I sat next to him in almost all the hours I had with him) to hooking up. Then my friend revealed to me that she really liked him. She said since I knew him best, that she wanted me to hook her up. I didn't want to be selfish, so I did because I love them both-they are my friends. She also told me that she thought my crush and I had gone out before...she said it really seemed that way. Everyone kind of thought we were together. We flirted alot, I ate lunch with him everyday (well actually a group of people). Well, I just thought him and the girl I hooked him up with would be another relationship I'd have to wait on. Now I'm in less classes with said crush, (only two...last year 5) and the girl...well we barely ever talk to each other anymore.

That's why I said I THOUGHT he was single. The girl has broken up with him at least 3 times in the past week, saying 'She's sick of him' (she told my sister, they have classes together). But she always goes back out with him.

And last year, it seemed that if we were together, it was a competition to see who could be the wittiest (aka sarcastic, or who could crack jokes on the other person). Plus once he had broken up with the girl I hooked him up with, and he asked me to the movies, and said he just wanted to make out with me (although he was joking). It really pissed me off. Plus it doesn't help that I don't think I'm good enough for him (not popular, not perfect looks or body, etc.).
I REALLY appreciate your clearing some things up. It's hard fopr me to give an opinion when I only know a few of the facts, so thank you. You know, Shakespeare said, "Many a truth is said in jest". He may have SAID he was joking about making out with you, but I'd almost bet that it was AFTER he saw how pissed you got because of it. Anyway, that and the fact that he breaks up with his girl on a regular basis tells me that he may not be the type to make a serious commitment. So, I would wonder why you feel you're not good enough for him. Sounds like he may not be good enough for YOU. You obviously have feelings that have lasted, didn't go anywhere, and you were even willing to put your own happiness aside to afford him the opportunity to be happy with someone else. You don't find that kind of selfless caring too much anymore these days. If he didn't jump on that, then he's either too immature to realize what's before him, or just a fool. Put it on the table, go up to him, YOU tell him how you feel, and see what his response is. Don't accept his skating around the topic with, " Well, I like you alot" Or, "you're cool" or some garbage like that. Get him to tell you if he sees any chance of a relationship. The answer you get may not be the one you want, or it may. But in any case, you'll know for sure. And if it's not the one you want, then you'll be free finally, to share yourself with someone who truly knows how rare someone like you is.

Dear OneMan,

I've spent some time trying to believe in Christianity, long enough to know that there's a popular and Biblically-based doctrine against being "unevenly hitched". So, when I meet fun, attractive Christians of a certain level of commitment, they may as well be lesbians or cousins or something... I can let myself love them to bits as friends, but for the most part I keep any thought of the romantic stuff out of the way. This has worked to keep things from getting messy for me and the occasional cute, committed Christian that wanders by. Essentially I've kept that doctrine by acknowledging it, even as I left a bunch of stuff I couldn't deal with behind.

I'm a 23-year old student, just to situate all this, and she's a bit older (25 or so) but also studying at the same university. We've grabbed food together, run around town with friends, done stuff in groups, kept each other honest while studying, all the rest, and she's sweet, articulate, cultured, cute, open-minded and considerate... and a committed Christian to boot. Fine, I think to myself... she's fun to be around and my (open) agnosticism doesn't seem to bother her (although we do debate the Big Issues in conversational tones), she definitely makes me feel good to share a species with her. So we hang out from time to time, chat, all that. Er, man, was I dense.

So now I have this three page e-mail printed out and read a few times, and it turns out my density has kept me from picking up on the fact that she's been thinking of me as relationship material since, well, something like July.

Fine, you might say, can't lump all Christians together, and *Rebecca doesn't seem to be in the yoke-sensitive camp. Well, you can get a lot of details into 23k of e-mail and she is in the yoke-sensitive camp and it's been eating away at her. Her Christian buddies are understandibly leery of the whole idea, and for me it kinda reorganizes everything... but she's thinking differently. I'd gotten pretty good at applying my yoking filter but she's sort of making it irrelevant... but I'd feel a little weird helping her dismantle a practice she still obviously respects to some extent. At the same time, she really is wonderful and this whole yoking thing sometimes feels like a medieval tradition whose time has come. Yarg, new and exciting dilemma... of the sort that's more fun to contemplate when it's hypothetical.

I can't honestly convert as it stands, and I won't dishonestly convert. She's not asking me to, which is to her credit.

So, I can freak out and run in circles, I can say she's wonderful but this is crazy, I can say I had no idea and ... yes!, or I can hop on the next plane to the French Foreign Legion recruiting centre and pretend this all never happened. Or I can do something more subtle I haven't thought of... you get the idea.

Advice, relevant questions or a good slap upside the head... I await your reply.

Yours spazzing out,

Dense Heathen
Spazz....BREATHE, lol. I was once asked if I had 26 sheep and one died, how many would I have left. Of course I answered 25. After which, I was befuddled to hear that the answer was 19! In an honest attempt to regulate the joke to logic, I spent the next two days in a cerebral stupor until I relented and asked how in the hell he came up with 19. The second he spoke slower, I heard it. If I had twenty SICK sheep. You know what? I simply overthought it. I think this may be your dilemma, as well. I don't think the decision to make is yours. You, after all, are agnostic, and obviously intelligent enough to know the difference between agnostic and atheist. Nevertheless, the decision to make is hers. You can't be "responsible" for her rapid decline in the theological realm...only she can. Just like you can't MAKE me rob a bank. It's something I wouldn't do...PERIOD. If she felt the same way, then there's nothing you could do to thwart that. So, don't blame yourself on that one. All you can do as a gentleman, is ask her if she is SURE that's the decision she wants to make. After that, you're off of the proverbial "hook". On an aside, judging from your eloquent description of her, sounds like you found someone we'd all like to meet. Don't rack your brains over one sick sheep. Enjoy it, her, and yourself.

My father-in-law died this week.He had a wood working shop in his basement. My mother-in-law wants everyone to put their name on what they want.Everyone is afraid to step on someone else's toes.There are 3 sons and 2 son-in-laws. How would you divide the tools, fairly? (link)
First, my sympathies to you and your family. I think putting a name on the thing you like most would be an excellent solution. I don't know how many tools there are, but I think it would be acceptable if everyone would go through and label their first pick. After that, someone else gets to make the first pick and then the last one gets to make the first pick. In the event that someone has a gripe, offer them the opportunity to come up with an alternate solution and let them see just how hard it is to be just. In a time such as this, I don't think anyone will be too demanding. Good luck, and once again, my deepest sympathies.

i have a friend,who i found out, over time, is very vindictive and always out to hurt others in some kind of way.we are roomates!!
i feel very uncomfortable being around her, but trying to be a good influence on her.
at times the thought and feeling come across that she is an atheist. her comments about God and christianity hurt my ears. many times have i tried to discuss religious matters with her, but only to find out that she thinks i am crazy for believing in my Creator.
should i keep on putting effort and time forth to help her open her eyes and see what is reality and what not?
please help!!!!!!!!!! (link)
Sdaly enough, there's not much you can do at this point. We, as Christians have the obligation to inform those ignorant of the Word. After that, there's nothing more that we can do. It is stated that he who KNOWS the Word and turns against it, will be held accountable. I have been in your position before and all I could do ( and did ) was continue to pray for them. The biggest deed of ours is nothing compared to the smallest task of God. Let Him take it from here. But remember...Jesus kept company with the worst people pf society....muderers, thieves, prostitutes, etc., and not once did He turn His back on them.

I need some help. There are some boys at my school that I like to hang out with. They are not the best looking but its whats on the inside that matters. Any good tips to tell if you are in love?
Mea* (link)
What do you feel like when you're not with him? Can you stand to wait until you see him again? If you saw him crossing the street and a bus was about to hit him...would you yell for him to move or instinctively jump out there to get him out of the way? Be honest. Answer these, and I'll think you'll know.

My crush found out that I liked him. I told my friend to tell him and she did (that's how she found out). Well I walked up as she was telling him, so he walked off. I didn't notice, but I pretend tripped him and smiled at him, you know, just to be funny. But he didn't respond at all-just with really icy body language. When I smiled at him, and he just looked down and walked off as if nothing happened--he didn't even make eye contact like he usually would. I know he felt my leg try to trip him, too.

He's found out before, and he always acted this way (distant), except for once, when he was cool with it (normal). But I don't want him to repeat patterns! He's also got a girlfriend who he's on/off with, but I HOOKED THEM UP IN THE FIRST PLACE! (Doh.)

I was about to cry in class when my friend told me that he said, quote, "I'm scared now...". My other friend who asked said she didn't hear him say that, but she said he just grinned.

Well usually while we're on our way to lunch, he says a few words to me then parts ways. Sometimes he purposely does something. Yesterday he faked going the other way, and bumped me and walked like in front of me so we touched. "Oops...uh, I mean this way."

He always goes the same way.

Well...I was wondering...what has happened? Is he intimidated? Does he think all the fun is taken out of the game when I 'surrender' by telling him the truth? Is he just not interested? Is he thinking it over? Is he scared?

I don't know, that's why I'm asking you. Thanks so much! (link)
Actually, I think he DOES like you. I just think you're both the victims of poor timing AND planning. You say he was " icy and cold ". Could it be that hje may have been uncomfortable because he IS in a relationship at the moment, and now having something else to deal with makes him feel that way. He says he's afraid, which could mean that he sees the possibility of something happening between the two if you as a reality and THAT makes him afraid. I'm wondering why you had your friend tell him that you're crushing on him when you KNOW he has a girlfriend. How do YOU really feel? You say HE may find it no longer fun when you "surrender" but could it be that your crush is not as intense if HE'S not with someone? I'm not accusing, I'm just suggesting you look at it from a different point of view. You also said that he's known this before. What happened? Why didn't you two make a go of it then? That has alot to do with where you are now. Answer that, and your new question will be answered. Regardless though, to be fair, why don't you wait until he's single again before you bring up questions or infer about the two if you. Good luck.

Sorry, this is so long but please take the time
to read it.We'll call my friend Trea (not her name)Ok, now Trea is the kind of girl who always tries to do the right thing. This boy hit me(we're still under age so it's not against the law.) He put a bruise on my arm Friday. So on Tuesday I (i'm a girl) tried to get him back. He is a lot quicker and stronger so when I went to hit him he pushed me downand I have a sint arm. Wednesday, (today) I went after him again because he had pushed me down Tuesday. I didn't expect to have everything happen that did. Trea, tried to stop me because he pushed me down and I scraped my elbow Wednesday. I was going after him again. I told her to leave me alone (I was mad) and not to tell anyone.My other friend told her the same thing. I went after him because my friend held Trea back. She secretly went and told the teacher on meand the boy. I had almost caught up with him and Trea grabbed my shirt from behind. I couldn't get loose because I was hurting and didn't bother to fight back. She took me to the teacher and they kept asking me questions. I answered as many as I could. They asked me why I hadn't told anyone about the fights. I didn't want to because they usually don't do anything. I can't talk to the boy or his friend (I like his friend but that's not the point) because the teachers won't let us. I don't usually cause trouble. This is my first time. My real question is, is Trea my true friend or not? (link)
I wish everyone had a friend like Trea. Sometimes, we give in to emotion and the ability to think logically abandons us. In those moments, it's good to have someone around who can point out the errors we are about to make and hopefully, help us avoid any trouble that we may experience as a result. You say you knew that she was the type to always try and do the right thing. You knew that and tried to get him back anyway. Sounds to me like she was trying to keeo you from making a mistake that you would regret later. That, my dear, is a true friend in ANYONE'S book ;)

any good masturbation tips for females and also 3-somes? (2gurls and a guy or 2guys and a gurl) (link)
If there's more than just you, it ceases to be masturbation.

So... I've been dating my boyfriend for a very long time (going on six years now), and our six year anniversary is coming up. I would like us to have sex for our anniversary. I have all the proper protection and am of proper age (late teens). I'm on the pill and have a secret stash of different kinds of condoms in my bedroom. I'm a virgin, but he's not, so he has been tested. He is clean (meaning no STD's). All good and well, yes?

No. I'm worried about what my friends will say if my boyfriend and I have sex. Should I be? I mean, of course I'm going to tell them. No way around that, because I just can't keep that kind of secret. They are the ONLY people I would ever tell, though, and I trust my boyfriend completely. But I'm just worried about what my friends will think of me. Again, should I be? (link)
Honestly, in your late teens, I don't think there is anything unflattering that anyone could think. Granted, there will be those that think you should wait until marriage, but hell, we're in the real world. I for one, commend you on waiting as long as you have. And let me also commend your boyfriend for his patience. Six years is quite an amount of time to wait, especially with his not being a virgin.
I think the decision to have sex should be about what YOU think. Obviously, you've given it some thought and for whatever reason, you feel now is the time for the two of you. There may be some of your friends that may not agree, but then again, I find it hard to believe that they will actually care that much at all. You say that you'll have to tell them. I understand that because it's your first time. But trust me, afterwards, the more you have it, the less you'll feel the need to discuss it. I'm GUESSING that they, too, are virgins, or else you wouldn't care so much about their thoughts on the issue. It's either that or, for some reason, they have some other hangup about your choice of male. At any rate, it's your decision and you have to be ok with it. I think you are. Take some time to really think about it and see what it is you're REALLY afraid of. MAybe you'll find that you AREN'T ready and that using their feelings is an acceptable reason to put it off. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best.

My live in gives me a preset amount of money every other week to help with expenses. He indicated the company he works for had not given him his overtime. After thinking about it, it occurred to me that he doesn't always get OT and he still gives me the preset amount. This bothered me so I looked in his pockets for his pay stub. Well, they did pay his overtime. His take home was considerably more than he said. Why would he lie about this? I didn't ask how much he got paid, he went out of his way to tell me. If he needed the money for something else, he should have just said he needed it and couldn't give me the usual amount. I never question him about his check. In fact he set the amount he wanted to give me and told me when we started to live together that if he couldn't pay that amount he would let me know, whatever the reason. I feel the only reason he would lie is he was doing something he shouldn't be. How do I approach this? I am really bothered. (link)
Well, what is is he shouldn't be doing is shirking his obligations, for whatever reason. It could be a number of factors, though. You would have a better handle on what's "normal" for him and what's not, so, in fairness, I won't address that issue. However, it would be prudent to delve into it if you think that it may be something that could become a habit or pattern. How's his demeanor lately? Does he exhibit any mood swings? How's his temperment? I think you see where I may be going with this. Of course, it could be something as simple as his trying to determine just how far he can get without paying as agreed and what your response will be to it. As for how to appraoch it, just explain it to him as you did earlier. tell him that you've thought about it and it doesn't seem that his receiving ot would have any effect on his paying and you're a little befuddled ( I like that word ) by it. He should offer at that point, an explanation.

Hey, Thanks a lot for the advice. It really helped, i called him and he said that when i am in high school he'll take me on a date, since i am not aloud to date until high school and there is only three more months left till eighth grade is done. I love your advice collumn by the way!
Thanks, Lizzy, I'm so glad I could be of some help. I think you made a very wise and mature choice by waiting until later. Things become alot clearer and manageable as you get older. I'm glad you love the column, keep reading/writing. Thanks for your support.

my friend ........ likes me and i dont like him and i heard from my friends and alot of other people that he is going to ask me out but i dont like him. i dont know what to do i dont want to go out with him but i dont want to hurt his feelings because he really likes me and a laot of people say i should go out with ........ but i dont like him what should i do ???????? (link)
Explain to him that you value the "friendship" too much to want to jeopardize it with "romance". Or simply tell him that you don't feel like you're ready for a relationship at the moment and it wouldn't be fair to either of you for you to enter into one knowing this. That should keep everyone happy and not hurt anyone's feelings too bad.

(I posed this to everyone but i've like your advice you give to people so i wanted to make sure you answered. hope you don't mind!)
I know this guy "Keagen" and I totally like him! I THINK he likes me but I can't be sure! I don't know of I should tell him how i feel or not. we can't date til' were 16 but thats not the problem. I mean we have been alone togather before and stuff but its hard for me to really know. when i think of him i feel as if im floating and there is nothinkg better in the world than thinking of him! i have this feeling at pit of my stomic when ever ithink of him i can't get rid fo it! i think of him even if im trying not too! when he see's me he is allways watchinkg me and when he looks at me its different then when other guys look at me. his voice sound TOTALLY different when he talks to me. its like he is be EXTRA sweet to me! and he is guy that goofs off ALOT! i just don't know what to do! last year i sent him a valentine marked and "the cat" well the next time he saw me he said "hello cat" well i lied and said that i didn't send him a card but when told him that his face just fell! like he was dissapointed! so I REALLY need some advice! PLEASE help! should i tell him or not? PLEASE HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
advice~gurl (link)
Yes, I really do think you should tell him ( if he doesn't already know ). It's obvious, at least to me, that he cares a great deal about you. You say you've spent time alone and that by itself should tell you how he feels for you. The way he looks at you "differently" is a good sign, too. All in all, I'd guess that he feels the same way, if not more. You know it's harder for boys to say exactly what they feel. But, tell him anyway. Don't let him be disappointed again this Valentine's Day. Happiness to you both.

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