ask FernGully
the angry canadian

Ferns General Advice Do or do not, there is no try. If you have to try, then it just isn't you.
If you aren't sure if you should have sex with him, then you are not ready to have sex with him.
"But I still love him!" Well he does not love you. If he loved you, he would not hurt you.
Let's get one thing straight. STUPIDITY IS NOT COOL. So hey, why not aim for more?

There's your answer fishbulb.

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Down, please.

Ahoyhoy. If you see abuse of users or of the site, report it using an Abuse Report.

I'm a 21 year old useful person. I am generally not in the advice game except for some rare occasions. I am mostly here to help keep advicenators running smoothly (though they don't really need me).

As a side note, everybody sucks but me.
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Ok, so, I'm starting the birth control pill Yaz tonight. How long to I have to be on it before I can have sex without having to worry about becoming pregnant? [Even though I know there's always a chance. He'll have a condom too.] My doctor said it will work the night I start it :/ I've never heard of it working that soon. But, I have an irregular period, and, I was wondering if that has anything to do with how long I should wait. And, I was wondering if I have to take it at the same time every night. I had to be on birth control in sixth grade for my period, because I had it almost the whole month, and, my doctor said I had to take it at the same time every night, or else it wouldn't work. Thanks! (Indeed)

Generally they advise you to use other forms of birth control for at least 7 days (though I'd recommend ALWAYS using a condom as well). After 7 days you technically should be fine, but it does not hurt to use condoms every time of course. I've never heard of a doctor saying you're safe the first night of using it, especially if you have irregular periods. It should say in the little booklet in your box of pills to use back-up contraception for a certain number of days (I would assume at least 7). Check just in case.

You should always take your birth control at the same time every night, or it may not be totally effective. It's really easy if you set your cell phone to go off at the same time every night and take it whenever that cell phone alarm goes off. Pick a time when you know you're awake, but never busy. For many people this is around 10pm.

So make sure you use condoms for extra safety (and to put your mind at ease if you're worried about pregnancy, which I assume you are like most people are) and to take it at the same time each and every night. Read the pill pack info thing because it also should have some important information (about what to do if you miss a pill and so on), so give that a read.

(Oh also, if you were on the pill before just for irregular periods, it probably wasn't important to take it at the same time because it wasn't for contraception. Because this is different, you need not only the hormones just going into your body, but you need them in equal doses within a 12 hour period, so it's important to take it at the same time all the time.)

Sorry to ask a question; I see neither a forum nor an e-mail address on your column.

Is your username from an animated movie?

I saw it at Blockbuster and it reminded me of you. (Indeed)

zomg I'm banning you right now for not seeking advice.

But in reality, my username IS from the movie Fern Gully and the Last Rain Forest. Except when I was in the sixth grade a few friends of mine decided to call me Fern (I assume they had just seen it) or FernGully. It sorta stuck and made for a badass (holy crap sarcasm) username.

Also, I can't remember what the actual link is for the forums, but take your link to yours, take out your usernumber and put 7 in its place and you'll get to my forum. Sadly, it is a barren wasteland where dustbunnies run wild.

Alsoalso, I have an email address that I used primarily for stuff relating to advicenators, but as I haven't been here for say, a millenium, I haven't checked the email in a year I'd say. Maybe I should do that now. It's

...I think anyways. It's been a while.

Ok so ive been on my period for about a month now- my problem is im on this shot called depro provera its a birth control shot that makes your period barely ever come, and i havent had one in about 6 months. Well i am sexually active with my boyfriend of 9 months. Recently when we have sex i bleed, and now it just stays like that, and its hurt the hole time when were having sex and doesnt even feel good. What should i do? I have an appointment with the gyno soon, but what do you think could be wrong with me?? (Indeed)

I agree with Razhie on all counts. Stop having sex. Drink liquids but not caffeinated drinks and also maybe aim for iron-rich foods.

Is this excessive bleeding, or is it light bleeding? If it's excessive and constant, I would maybe go so far as to consider the emergency room or a walk-in clinic (we have them in Canada I don't know if you have them where you're from). Is there any way you can get your gyno appointment sooner? You certainly need the issue dealt with as soon as possible.

But seriously, don't have anymore sex until the issue is resolved.

I am a 17-year old girl about to go to college. I absolutely love my family. However, recently my dad has been acting harshly towards my mom, but not in an abusive way- he doesn't specify where he's going when he's going out, for example, and expects her to take it. They've been married 26 years, but he doesn't show her a lot of affection -and she has complained to me about it. Now I have proof that he is having an affair. The only problem is is that this proof is his text messages - things I shouldn't be looking at. I couldn't help myself, and I know it was wrong. However, now that I know should I do and/or say something? I am absolutely heartbroken and shocked, but more than that is the fact that my mom doesn't deserve this. Is there anything I can do? Please help me. (Indeed)

This is a REALLY difficult situation to be in, and I'm not sure there is any real easy answer, or even one at all. I'm not sure that you should tell your mom, as it seems like your dad should be the one who does it. Perhaps you can ask your dad about it? Is there any chance you could be mistaken, because you want to be sure. You could possibly consider leaving him an anonymous note if you don't feel comfortable talking to him about it.

At the same time, I'm not sure that you should say anything at all. Yet, your mom has a right to know, and if your dad really is cheating on her, then he has to either make it right or they need to deal with their relationship.

If you have a good relationship with your dad, you may want to calmly confront him with the issue, but you don't have to say that you looked at his phone. You could perhaps say "I don't want to believe anything is going on, but you're not here very often and no one knows where you are." Maybe just that someone took notice will be enough to make him feel guilty and break him to the point of talking to your mom.

is it wrong to not eat pizza crusts? (Indeed)

I guess in a way it's wasteful of food. At the same time, some people just don't like the crust of pizza. It's not "wrong", it's just a choice you make.

i've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half.
weve been fighting the past three days and we usually never fight. but we came into a discussion that really bothered me.
apparently he said he could do better then me. so then i asked, how? and he said "listen i love your personality, and how you make me feel, i seriously love you, the only way i could do better then you is in looks" he kinda then saw me tearing and he told me he wasn't calling me ugly. and then i told him to just drop the conversation and we did but the rest of our day was good. i just really never thought i was ugly.. but i didn't think i was gorgeous.. just average you know? i mean other guys have asked me out in the past but yeah. so i guess im ugly.. what do i do now? :( (Indeed)

Someone telling you they could do better is a sure sign that you need to move on. No one that cares about you would say something like that to you, even in the heat of a fight. That said, you've been together a while and you may want to tell him that what he said was unacceptable. The problem is there isn't much of a defense he can come up with to explain himself, what he said is having a serious effect on your self esteem.

To be perfectly honest, you shouldn't be with someone who talks to you in that way. You should never settle, and maybe if he thinks he can do much better, that he shouldn't "settle" either. I guarantee you can do better.

So i am going to go on birth control for my irregular periods and i have a really small chest. like hardly an A and its so embarassing. i know the pill also makes your boobs grow and iwas wondering how long would it take to grow a whole cup size? (Indeed)

There isn't much you can do to make your boobs any bigger, and the pill probably won't make a huge difference. Boobs are fat, so if you gain weight you're likely to gain more chest. Otherwise, if you rely just on the pill you could be waiting a very long time.

okay so my winter formal is saturday and i've been tanning so i wouldn't be as white as I was. i went for 12 minutes and my back got pretty burnt, not too bad but it's pretty pink. My dress is an open back so i was wondering what things i could put on it to make the redness go down? i'm putting herbal-aloe gel stuff on it now but is there anything else?
thank you in advance! (Indeed)

Aloe is definitely your best option, you may also want to try a vitamin E cream as it's great for basically all skin ailments ever (well not really but it IS great).

I've also heard that keeping heat off a burnt area will ensure that you don't get any redder/pinker than you already are. So if you're showering try to keep the hot water off your back.

Don't rub or irritate the skin, as that will of course make things a lot worse. So be careful when you're putting on creams, because you want to be as gentle as possible so you don't irritate the skin or encourage it to peel.

should i shave down there? i did and i dont think i did it right. which way do i shave? like towards where the hair grows or against it. you know what i mean? like..can you just explain howww i should shave downt there? thanks SO much, you guys are too cool. =) (Indeed)

While shaving against gives you a "smooth" kind of shave, it can also cause a lot of bleeding and ingrown hairs. Some people who shave against use vaseline (this is for the 'front', not for the hair lower, be careful what you ever put down in the lower area and inside because it can cause reactions) to deal with the bleeding but there isn't much you can do about the ingrown hairs.

If you shave with the hair growth, it won't be a close shave but it shouldn't cause any bleeding provided you use shaving cream and are very careful.

And believe me, you WANT to be careful. You think a cut on your leg from shaving hurts, you have no idea the pain for this region!

hey i am not having sex now but i am in a relationship where i am considering it in the future. i am a female and i get my periods irregularly but when i have sex i dont plan on going on birth control or telling anyone so i was wondering without having to go on the pill or seeing a doctor what are the safest and most effective ways to prevent pregnancy. (obviously condoms but anything else?)

thank you! (Indeed)

Condoms are the best option, but they are not failproof. If you aren't using them properly, they break or if you're one of 3% who just are unlucky, you could have a problem on your hands. You can use spermicide but it isn't always compatible with the condom (as are some types of lube! Some things disintegrate the latex), and it irritates some people.

There is also the option of using condoms and keeping track of your period, but if it's irregular you simply can't do that. Another problem with being irregular is you won't know the most tell-tale sign of pregnancy - missing a period.

I know you said you don't want to go to a doctor, but it would obviously be extremely useful if you did. There are plenty of methods they could help you with (such as a NuvaRing perhaps). As well, no one would ever have to know you went. The important thing about the doctor is that once you start having sex you MUST have pap tests done to prevent cancer and other abnormalities.

I guess getting pregnant is bad, but so is dying. I think you should consider it.

You may also want to consider going to Planned Parenthood, where you can be anonymous, and their reason for existence is preventing unwanted pregnancies, I think they would be a huge help.

I want to speak to my girlfriend for about 15 minutes per day. Usually i will call her fairly early on in the night about 5pm. We have been going out about 6 months now. The problems only really arise when she is busy and says she will call me back later, usually in ten minutes to half an hour. When she doesnt call me back, i call her again, she will then usually say she is busy doing something else and will once again say that she will call me back in ten minutes to half an hour. Then she doesnt call so i call again, this happens a few times in the night until i get upset she doesnt want to talk to me, and she gets angry that i am calling her so often. Then we have a massive argument where she says im too clingy and i say she doesnt really care about me. We only really get to see each other once a week because she lives quite far away. She says she loves me and i say i love her, but she never really seems to want to talk to me unless she is bored. I'm really struggling for what to do because it is upsetting me a lot but i love her and dont want to break up with her. Any help would be much appreciated. thanks. (Indeed)

I'll be honest, I've had a boyfriend who called me every day, and if I genuinely was too busy to talk at the time I'd say "I'll call you back." Then I would get to doing things and he would call again, assuming I had forgotten or didn't want to talk to him - but this wasn't true at all. I simply wasn't done what I was doing, or needed to do something else, sometimes the thing I was doing was eating dinner with my family.

I started to get very frustrated and felt very suffocated, and it got to the point where I simply did NOT want to talk to him when he called. He called so often I felt exactly how she does - that he was clingy. I know you don't want to hear that, but it's true.

It is her problem just as much as yours, because it's your relationship together on the line, but you need to stop calling. Tell her that if she's interested in talking to you, she can call you. No one likes to be called out of routine or guilt, and that's two things you may be using to get her on the phone. She wants to talk to you when she has something to say, not because it's a certain time of day and she's expected to talk to you.

Give her space. I can almost guarantee if you stop calling her, she'll feel much less suffocated.

i want to be really skinny, and nothing will work! so i decided to be anorexic, how do i become anorexic? like, how do i start, i know that ussually it an illness but it just seems easey! please help! :D (Indeed)

If anyone answers this question explaining to you how to be anorexic, I will consider it abuse.

Anorexia is a disorder affecting people with severe mental problems, and it's something that stays with you for the rest of your life.

Also, it's not going to give you the results you're looking for. When you don't eat, your stomach swells, but things like your hipbones and wrists will shrink dramatically, making you look, quite literally, like a skeleton. These things are not attractive. If you want to be thin, the best way to do it is exercise and eating well. If you lose weight the correct way, you won't have to experience the depression, the anxiety disorders, the hospital visits, the tubes being inserted into your throat nostrils and hands, and you won't kill your parents from sick and worry during the process.

Well for years I've been trying out different deoderants and antiperspirants but none works on me. I even have CERTAIN DRI which closes the pores on your armpits but even that doesn't work and I put a lot on!

I don't even raise my arms at all and it's really hard for me. Only from my elbow and down, that's all.

So hair is always in a pony tail so can you imagine how weird that looks like when i have to keep tying up my hair? Drinking water? Raising my arms up to excercise? Looks like I'm crippled or handicaped, one of my friends said.

I dont' know what to do! (Indeed)

I'm kind of a sweaty person myself, as is my sister. I actually know so many people who have perspiration issues that it almost seems silly now that we're all so self-conscious about it. But I understand why you are of course, I was too.
One problem with your Certain Dri use might be that applying too much can actually make you sweat more. If it says to appply a "thin layer" then you should try only maybe 2-3 strokes of the Certain Dri and no more. Try it on a day when you're wearing a black shirt, so the sweat won't be noticeable if it doesn't help.

Also, the suggestion to see your doctor is always a good idea. Especially since using too much anti-perspirant can be bad for your health. Your doctor can let you know what the best and safest option is for you to try.

Try to remember that everyone sweats, and most people, sweat A LOT. Even when they aren't being active. It's not something you should feel horribly ashamed of. If anyone gives you a hard time, you can just say "I can see you're sweating too." And then that person will probably feel like a jerk, because they are. Because making fun of people is not nice.

I want to put my writing in this format on my myspace about me:

Im ----

Sorry, that's hard to explain, but I mean, I would like it in the centre and to have spaces in my sentences, so a new sentence starts each line.
I typed it in like that but it came out all next to each other, like this:

Im ------------------------------------------. ----------------.----------------------------.

Does anyone know the html code to put my about me in the centre and start each sentence on a different line.

Thanks, xxx (Indeed)

It sounds like you're looking for a break code. That is represented by (that won't show up properly on certain parts of the Advicenators website as it is HTML code, it is BR with the triangular brackets around it). If you place that after each sentence, or at the beginning of each subsequent sentence, you should have a break after each.

There are some excellent websites that list basically all of the HTML code you could ever need, for future reference. For example,

i ran/walked a mile on my treadmill yesterday and i did the same thing today. it takes me about 20 min. im 5'3 and i weigh 123, and i would like to weigh 110. if i ran/walked a mile everyday how long would it take me to get to 110? and how long would it take me to lose like just a couple pounds? also, i have a big butt and i really dont want to lose it lol, do you think i would? i just want my hips smaller, my love handles gone, and my stomach to be a lot flatter. i want my butt better looking, but i dont want it gone lol. (Indeed)

The best way to lose weight efficiently is definitely a healthier diet (as someone already mentioned). You'll want to eat a good, healthy and filling breakfast, and then smaller meals throughout the day. Avoid eating past 8pm and avoid eating past the feeling of being full. Make sure you drink lots of water. Combine this with a bit of light exercise and you should notice a difference. I'd recommend a regular routine of exercise where you do crunches/sit ups, a bit of jogging and lunges. You can google these specific exercises for good ideas on how to do them really well.

You can also try drinking green tea, as not only does it boost your metabolism naturally (which increases weight loss), it also helps to detoxify your body.

be prepared, its a bit long.

my boyfriend have been going out for about 5 months. he's amazing. it was actually one of those best friends for life, turned love, things er whatever. but the thing is: he has jealousy issues like no other. he always tells me that guys are flirting with me, and he doesn't like it. i admit, i do flirt with guys, but its my nature. i grew up with guys. and i dont see flirting like most people do. i know its bad, but i cant seem to get it through my boyfriend's head that i only like him. and not anyone else. i try to explain i dont mean to flirt. but he just says 'okay' in that sarcastic, i know he's lying sort of way. and to top it all off. he 'flirts' with other girls too. if he wants to say that i do. but i know he doesnt mean it.

[bt the way, "flirting" in the sense. would be me pushing a guy. or pretending to throw him in the water. or the definition of childish flirting. i'm not even talking about like, kissing other guys or anything]

..and i definitly don't want to screw things up with the one guy that i dont have any problems with [well, besdies this].

so, im asking.
could anyone give advice on how i could possibly.
try to stop "flirting" with people.
or how to get it through his head, that i dont mean to.
because i think he only partially believes me. (Indeed)

Look, I'll tell you right now that you are going to hate my answer to this.

The best solution you have? Stop dating him.
Overly jealous guys are always going to be overly jealous guys, no matter how hard to try to change them. And believe me, it will only get worse.

If you really just refuse to break up with him, then it's possible that you could ease the tension between you two by outlining exactly what you BOTH consider flirting. Tell him that he is suffering some trust issues, and if he can't trust you, why is he still with you? And how can you trust him if he cannot put trust in you?

Another method is to just tell him flat out that you have guys friends and there is nothing he can do to stop you from being friends with whomever you wish. Tell him that if he can't accept the way you act, then you can't be together. Chances are if you give him that kind of ultimatum, he'll try to stop saying the things about flirting. HOWEVER, that doesn't mean he'll stop thinking them. As I said before, people don't often change much and you need to think about whether you can continue to deal with this, especially if you have to inevitably deal with the situation getting worse and more of your life being influenced by the guy.

Okay. If I eat one meal a day for 2 weeks, Will I lose that stupid "pouch" of fat under my belly button and on my hips? I need to know soon!

Please don't lecture me about that not being healthy. (Indeed)

To be honest, your stomach will probably bloat out if you kept that kind of eating routine for two weeks. I think you would be much better off to eat smaller meals, but a few times a day (instead of eating a large breakfast, lunch and dinner, have a fairly big breakfast, two small meals before dinner, a medium dinner, and then another small meal before 8pm.) And with that, do an even regiment of sit ups each night when you go to sleep. Do say 20 regular sit ups, then 20 of the side sit ups (you reach one of your elbows towards your opposite foot and then do the other side). The regular sit ups will work the middle of your stomach fat, the sides will work for the sides.

Again, I don't recommend reducing what you eat, instead spread out a full set of meals without eating too much at one time. If you're hungry during the day, snack on fruits and vegetables in between the smaller meals and you should really notice a difference. Plus, you should feel pretty good too.

I am a 14yr old female
I am from Chicago

If a guy calls a girl hot what does that mean? Whats the diffrence between a cute girl? pretty girl?

My guy friend that i just got to know this school year asked me the other night on the internet" If I was Prude?" How Far Would I go?"
Then I asked him after that talk so far as much as u know me what do u think of me? This is what he said: " You definetly went up in my"book"(lol)we talk now and we became better friends." I always thought you were nice and now I know alot about you."
What does this all mean?
Confused Teen 10/03


He sounds like a bit of a jerk to me, or at least the typical teenage boy. It sounds like he found out you weren't a "prude" from your conversation, and that made him think better of you because he figures he might have a chance at some kind of "action" from you. However, I don't know how good of friends you are, so maybe he found out you weren't a prude, or were or something, and that altered his opinion of you somehow.

For a teenage guy, a hot girl is someone who they want to date. A cute girl is someone who is not necessarily unattractive, but isn't "hot" (though that one they'll regret when the cute girls turn into "hot" girls). A pretty girl is kind of a toss up, it could go either way.

It's kind of a dumb question, but I really want to know...thanks

Female/15 (Indeed)

I'm not really sure what you mean by through a bathing suit. If you mean getting semen in the "crotch" related area of a bathing suit, and the semen getting through the material and into a area to do some kind of baby-making. Sure, it's possible, but not very likely. During arousal everybody has all kinds of liquids, and those can make semen's travelling a lot easier, but the chances of it happening are probably slim. A bathing suit is just material like any other clothing, so semen can in fact soak through. You should use a condom even if you aren't having or aren't planning on having sex, even if you're just fooling around. If you do use a condom, at least you don't have to sit around and wonder if any semen made the miraculous journey through your clothes, which is as I said, slightly possible.

I have depressed for about 1 year and i don't want my parents knowing that i am. I cut myself about 4 times then I stopped but i used to cry myself to sleep i almost commited sucide a couple times i talk to my friend about it and he trys to make me happy but it doesn't help i talked to my other friend and she said she used to be depressed and cut herself too. I still wanna commite sucide but im not sure. i don't want to be depressed forever but i can't stop thinking about it and i always wanted to die but i don't want to tell my parents because i don't want to know their reaction don't tell me to tell my parents because i really really don't want to but i have been depressed for so long and it hurts my friends so much. How can i stop being depressed? (Indeed)

If you really don't want to tell your parents, how would you feel about just making an appointment with a doctor yourself? Or perhaps just seeing your school's counselor (though, I won't lie, I never wanted to go to a school counselor for help when I was in school, so it would be up to you. They could definitely try and help you though.)

If you don't want to get outside help, you're probably not going to get any better, unless you're willing to change up some aspects of your life. Above all, aside from all the other suggestions I'm going to make to you - I always hope you will seek professional help or talk to your parents if you ever feel like you don't want to live anymore. It is never okay to feel like that and there is no reason for you to end your life. If you get that bad, please do get some help, or tell your friends that you feel like ending your life, so they can get help for you. That page has some information about depression specifically in teens, so it might help.

As for lightening feelings of depression, you may want to try adding some exercise (or more if you already do) into your daily/weekly routine. Your body releases natural endorphines when you exercise and it might help. Even just starting to walk more often or take up jogging could do a world of help. Or you may have too much stress in your life, and you may want to try something relaxing such as yoga, which you can find out a lot about using Google or a similar search engine (and you'll probably find lots of routines and yoga exercises for free online). Also, many people have changed their diet and changed their perspective on life, eating healthier (personally I just eat way too much junk and it alone is depressing) might be helpful.

Another way may to be just picking up a new hobby, like painting, even if you aren't that great at first, it's still fun to just try. Or you could try abstract painting and no one will be able to tell if it's good or not. No matter what, try something different with your life, however minimal. If nothing seems to be helping still, I hope you'll do something more drastic about it, like getting outside help.

Holy Matrimony Batman - I need to go back up!
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