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calling too much?
I want to speak to my girlfriend for about 15 minutes per day. Usually i will call her fairly early on in the night about 5pm. We have been going out about 6 months now. The problems only really arise when she is busy and says she will call me back later, usually in ten minutes to half an hour. When she doesnt call me back, i call her again, she will then usually say she is busy doing something else and will once again say that she will call me back in ten minutes to half an hour. Then she doesnt call so i call again, this happens a few times in the night until i get upset she doesnt want to talk to me, and she gets angry that i am calling her so often. Then we have a massive argument where she says im too clingy and i say she doesnt really care about me. We only really get to see each other once a week because she lives quite far away. She says she loves me and i say i love her, but she never really seems to want to talk to me unless she is bored. I'm really struggling for what to do because it is upsetting me a lot but i love her and dont want to break up with her. Any help would be much appreciated. thanks.
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I'll be honest, I've had a boyfriend who called me every day, and if I genuinely was too busy to talk at the time I'd say "I'll call you back." Then I would get to doing things and he would call again, assuming I had forgotten or didn't want to talk to him - but this wasn't true at all. I simply wasn't done what I was doing, or needed to do something else, sometimes the thing I was doing was eating dinner with my family.
I started to get very frustrated and felt very suffocated, and it got to the point where I simply did NOT want to talk to him when he called. He called so often I felt exactly how she does - that he was clingy. I know you don't want to hear that, but it's true.
It is her problem just as much as yours, because it's your relationship together on the line, but you need to stop calling. Tell her that if she's interested in talking to you, she can call you. No one likes to be called out of routine or guilt, and that's two things you may be using to get her on the phone. She wants to talk to you when she has something to say, not because it's a certain time of day and she's expected to talk to you.
Give her space. I can almost guarantee if you stop calling her, she'll feel much less suffocated.
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It isn't right that she won't call you back when she says she will. I would suggest giving her a dose of her own medicine. Don't call her, let her call you, and when she does, be too busy to talk to her. Tell her you'll call her back and don't. Even better, go do things that she doesn't know about and when you finally talk to her, tell her you were busy and give no other explanation. I warn you however, if you do this, it may make her leave you, but if she can't handle getting a dose of her own medicine, then she wasn't worth keeping to begin with. Also, I don't think it's clingy, it's cute that you actually want to talk to her, some guys don't even care. However, she's taking advantage of your niceness. Get even, I'd say. Good Luck!!
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If a girl says she will call you back, then let her call you back unless you think its an emergency or something is wrong.
The more you constantly call her, the less she will want to talk and the more further you will be with her.
You two should work out a plan like "The both of you will try your best to talk to each other for 10-15 minutes a day, but if one is to busy to talk, the other will respect that." or something of that nature.
Good luck.
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She is going to think you're too clingy. From now on, let her call you more often, then you call her. =D
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You are too clingy. That makes it hard for her to 'care'.
She is being rude telling you she will return your call and then not doing so.
You both need to fix that.
It needs to be okay if she doesn't have time, or desire to talk to you. That is only fair to her and to her family.
It needs to be okay for you to call her home every once and while. Two or three times a week is what I would call a healthy ammount. Calling every half hour is not right or fair to her or her family. It's just invasive and rude and it probably isn't just annoying her, but everyone in her household. So you DEFINATELY need to back off a bit.
In return for cutting down your calls to once or twice a week, she needs to promise to either speak to you, or return your call when she says she is able too. If she doesn't call you back in the alloted time she set call her back ONCE. and only ONCE. If that doesn't work, give up for the night and move on. There is nothing more pitiful then someone waiting by the phone.
Only after you two set these rules into effect will you know for sure if your behavoir was simply driving her to distraction, or if she really 'doesn't care'.
You might also ask her how she feels about the phone. Personally, I don't like talking on the phone much at all. Maybe if you e-mail her or write her letters you'll get a more positive response. Some people just aren't phone chatters.
Whatever else you do you need to chill out lover boy. There is such a thing as too much of a good thing. Give the lady some breathing room.
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