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I've been away for a while due to a serious illness and subsequent health issues. Favourite quotes of the moment:
The children of Israel wandered the desert for 40 years - Even in biblical times men wouldn't ask for directions!
Humankind has not woven the web of life. We are but one thread within it. whatever we do to the thread, we do to ourselves. All things are bound together. All things connect. - Chief Seattle.
We spend the first 12 months of a child's life teaching them to walk and talk. We spend the next 12 years telling them to sit down and shut up!
As you slide down the bannisters of life, may the splinters never be pointing the wrong way.
May you be in Heaven half an hour before the devil knows you're dead.
I've been very happily married since August 1980 to a wonderful man and have beautiful twin girls, now aged 31. Both are married to wonderful young men and one of our girls has recently made us grandparents to a beautiful, smart and feisty granddaughter. I studied geology with the Open University. I am retired from being a manager in a large UK based insurance company which I actually quite enjoyed. (How sad is that?). I love anything to do with the environment and wildlife and try to do my bit for preservation and conservation. I would like there to be a decent world for our grandchildren to inherit. I also have CFS so find life a bit of a challenge at times but always hope for better health in the future.
I have a deep interest in the spiritual and the paranormal worlds, having experienced several incidents myself, and have been involved in meditation groups and groups that (safely) explore the paranormal. There is more to this life than we would normally credit, so an open mind is always the best option. You're not so likely to get caught by surprise!
I have a deep fascination for anything to do with Ancient Egypt, as you can probably tell by my name. I have statues and paintings all around the house. As my hubby has a similar interest in Native Americans, we tend to have a lot of unusual wall decorations, like a tomahawk.
I love cars, especially vintage ones, but my all time favourite has to be the Bugatti Chiron, what a car!
I have had a lot to do with animals over the years. I have fostered many, helped to set up a wildlife charitable hospital and raised a diverse range of young animals from bats to fox cubs and different species of birds, even a baby deer! I have had great pleasure in sharing my life and home with a number of animals over the years, most of them rescues. I am currently sponsoring an Amur Tiger, they are such beautiful cats and desperately need help, there are so few of them left. I was lucky enough a couple of years ago to meet some Aye-Aye's and Livingstone's Bats, a truly wonderful experience. We now have three cats, Oliver and Mollie, a brother and sister, he's a ginger and she's a tortoiseshell and a black and white called Daisy. She arrived in a taxi and was left on our doorstep in a cat carrier with the message that 'they knew we loved cats and would be good to her'. She has settled down well and gets on wonderfully with the other two.
If you have a pet that is showing ANY signs of illness or distress, please, please, please take it to a vet! Even if finance is an issue, work that out later. It is cruel to leave an animal suffering for any reason. Most animals do not show signs of illness until they have been ill for some time, basic instinct tells them it is a display of vulnerability, and certain death in the wild. Their instincts have not caught up with domesticity.
I do feel that we should all treat others as we would wish to be treated. Bad karma comes back to haunt us.
advice
I'm in a horrible situation and need help fast. I'm 22 and he is 22, slightly younger than me. I have no one to talk to because I'm not supposed to be talking to him. I met this guy a year ago through a friend when he moved here from another state. He was staying with his friend who lived with my friend. I was also moving into an apartment at the same time. It's my first apartment and I got it all on my own. Me, jumping into adult life quickly, I let this guy stay at my apartment and then lived there and we were dating. Things got real ugly. Long story shot, I've called the cops on him 3 times, had him sent to a mental help place for saying he was going to kill himself, and he's punched a hole through my door and stolen hundreds from me, both cash from my wallet and items that were sold. He's broken 2 or 3 of his phones, smashed electronics I bought, screamed at me making me hyperventilate and lock myself in the bathroom to call the cops.
At one point, I told my parents what happened and my dad came down from another state to stay with me and change my locks because I didn't feel safe. He also pushed me into going to the police station to start the process of a restraining order against this guy.
We had a court date set. To give you an idea of how careless this guy is, he brought over flowers when he knew my dad was here staying with me after all of this. He does NOT think things through or think of consequences.
I didn't know where he was at this time. The court date was probably a week away and I was having second thoughts about a restraining order. I even went to a center for women who are abused to talk to them and get some insight on whether I should go through with it. I was torn. He was my best friend. One night when I was home alone, I started to think a lot and cry and I called him.
He was staying at a friend's apartment not far from me. I told him to just not go to the court date and I wouldn't either. I mostly just felt that he was my best friend and I couldn't do it. I was so close to him. We related a lot. Soon after, the restraining order case was dropped, and the lease was ending at the apartment he was staying at.
I, unfortunately, allowed him in. I told him it was temporary, and that I didn't want to date. But I couldn't let him live on the street or at a shelter. But, he sleeps with me and we act like a couple in secret.
Now, he's gone through MANY jobs and can't keep one. Constantly asks for money and things that I believe he'll pay me back for. He smokes marijuana outside of my apartment (I do NOT smoke). He does not pay rent. I have to watch what I say. I can't bring any friends over. I can't talk to anyone about it. I measure how mad he is by how hard he slams the door. I am CONSTANTLY STRESSED. I work so much and he just stays here.
Out of fear, I can't say too much how I don't want to be kissing him or talking sweet to him because he gets extremely upset and cries and will scream. So I live, just, carefully and it's the same stuff every day.
I'm so sorry this is long. I really, really need help. I am SO stuck.
My dad is moving down here and he cannot be here. But he has no where to go. So I told him a month ago he needed to be out. It's now that time and only now he is messaging people for somewhere to live and no one is answering. Do I just stand my ground and say he needs to be out by tomorrow night regardless? He's saying he'll live in his car, but he doesn't realize what that all entails. His parents won't even take him back. No friends. I can't do this anymore. I want to be free. What would you do?
You actually know what you have to do for your own safety but you're being too soft hearted to act on it.
You have to get him out of your life - now! He is not going to improve and he could end up doing you serious damage, even killing you. At no point has he shown he can act in an adult, reasonable and responsible way and he's made you so scared of him you were going to take out a restraining order against him. What do you think your parents and friends would think about this? You know, otherwise you would not be having a secret relationship with him now.
Where he lives when he moves out is his problem, not yours. He has created this situation and he has to deal with it. You may well care about him but he's not your best friend as they wouldn't act this way. He's on a self destruct cycle and he's taking you with him. Get out of it now!
Me & my boyfriend lipkissed each other approx a month ago and now i missed my periods n its been 10 days delayed...so i just want to know the reason behind this & know that it could be pregnancy or something else
If all you did was kiss on the lips the two events have absolutely nothing to do with each other.
If you've not been having your periods for long it does take a while for them to settle down into a regular pattern. If they are normally regular, making this delay a little odd, then you should go to your doctor as there could be any number of reasons for it. Even being low in iron, dieting excessively or extreme exercise can affect your periods, so it's best to get it checked out.
Ok so i own a Siberian Husky pup he is almost 1 year old he is a great dog love him till death. He listens when inside the house great but i feel like its only because he feels like he is trapped. As soon as i let him outside he no longer listens and if he does something bad and i have to punish him i put him in a cage in the house then it takes me a week just to get his trust back he will not come when called will not drop a item when told to do so. And Like i said this is only once we leave the house when we are out doors or in the backyard of the house. He is fast a short 50 pound little ball of fire always on the move he has a huge backyard to play in and i try to get him to the dog park at least twice a week depending on the weather. I train with him everyday but he does not seem to get it he is very hesitant when i call him to me in the backyard and does not even acknowledge my presence at the dog park. He will be bad picking on a puppy at the dog park then we get home and he jumps up on the coach with me like were best friends and i am not mad at him. He knows i am the Alpha again great in the house wont touch food dropped on the floor until told to do so sits when told to even knows when i get him in the house and he was bad he knows to go into his crate. I tried looking everywhere online and everyone says the same thing just practice in your backyard bring him out on a leash i have tried it all as soon as he gets a inch freedom he takes a lot more then a mile. If anyone has advice i really appreciate it also food does not interest him i don't know if i already said that but if anyone knows like a irresistible dog treat that would also be great
Huskies need to be socialised early for the best results so maybe you could join a dog training class so that he gets used to being around other dogs without feeling the need to attack them. A lot of huskies have a very strong prey instinct so it is possible that you'll never be able to let him off the leash in public areas. It's good that you have a large, safe area for him to run around in, they do have a LOT of energy and it might this you're picking up on when you think he's feeling trapped, same with the cage. Huskies weren't really made to be caged, they were bred to run.
To use up some of that energy you could try running with him on a leash or even getting a sled, they were bred for that and it will tire him out. Don't give him any squeaky toys as that taps into the prey instinct.
You also need to firmly establish with him that you are the head of his pack, whether inside the house or outside and he must obey you. Again, dog classes can help with this.
As for treats, you need to find out what he really responds well to. You could try cooked hot dogs for training purposes. Never give raw meat as that also feeds the prey instinct.
Huskies are a lot of work but they are worth it once it's done as they're very loving dogs.
Good luck.
I'm in the process of wanting to commit suicide as I want to be with my son, I haven't got anyone at all, my partner ignores me blames me for what our son did, he wrote me a letter blameing me and how much he hates me and he wished I was dead instead, I'm having nightmares and dreaming of being with my son so so much, iv tryd to get help and I cant get any at all, I'm on medications and it makes me feel even worse, I sit up each and every night now as iv planned my suicide to the end, as I vet left at him on my own quite alot and i know I wouldn't be found till.i am dead, I need help and I cant get it so what's the point, I wouldn't be missed at all as I'm always on my own anyway, I tryd it last year and it felt so good as it took the pain away what I was feeling, cant believe I am still here, please help me or vive me son advice to help me please, next time I'm going to go somewhere very spe ial so I has to be right I do t want to wake.yp I'm done and fed up, iv found homes for my pets tht iv raised and they don't need me now, thank you for reading
I am so, so sorry for your loss. It's something no parent should ever have to go through, the pain must be unbearable. You partner is suffering as well and appears to be trying to deflect his pain onto you in an attempt to make some sense of it all. You don't say what happened to your son but even if your partner feels you do have some responsibility for the loss of your son, blaming you like this is still self destructive as well as making you feel even worse about it.
If you're on medication and it's not working you MUST go back to your doctor and let them know, also telling them very clearly how you're feeling. There is help out there for you but it can sometimes take time to find the right one. It's not a one therapy fits all case. We're all different and our needs are just as different. Please, don't give up trying, do you think your son would want you to?
You must know how attached animals get to their humans and the stories of how they suffer when they lose them. You might have found homes for them but it's not going to be the same as being with you and you wouldn't want to make them miserable as well do you?
When you're in a desperate place, it does feel as though no one would miss you and you would be doing the world a favour by leaving it. This is never the case though, it's only because you're thinking in a disjointed way due to the intense grief.
Please, go back to your doctor and get the right medication to suit you. Then get some grief counselling to help you through this. Then get out of the house and do something to help someone or something. As you love animals you could try volunteering at a shelter, reserve or home, whatever there is in your area. It's not going to take the grief away but getting unconditional love from a grateful animal can help to ease how badly you're feeling about yourself.
You have to take everything slowly after a major trauma. Firstly, you have to almost learn again how to take care of yourself. Once you've done that you can go on to other things, like the helping. It's good for the soul and the help you're giving is magnified so much more than you can possibly imagine, then that love and care comes back to you. In turn, that helps to make you feel better about yourself.
It is going to be a long process and you need to gather all your courage to tackle it but it is something you can do. Live your life for your son as well, please don't throw it away. You could do so much good with it and that will help you as well. You're living for two now so don't give up, please? And good luck for the future, it will be a bumpy start but worth it.
Okay, so how it all started.
A close friend has a tendency to ignore me when he gets upset. I hate being ignored, it hurts. He always has excuses to ignore me for days!
So the last time he did it I don't know what got into me but I just decided to cut. To my surprise, it actually helps! Not the pain but the blood. I don't know but seeing the blood makes me feel way better. I feel less bad. So after that I cut every time I get angry, frustrated or when I just feel bad. Well, my life isn't exactly great, I have other better reasons for cutting besides my dumbass friend.
I do not cut deep so I do not think its any dangerous but should I still stop? I cut my thighs and hips not my wrists so no one finds out. If I have to stop how do I stop? Its really addicting.
Simple answer is yes, you should stop. It's not that easy though is it?
Cutting is a non healthy way of dealing with emotions you can't cope with any other way, for a number of reasons. The emotions behind it can vary enormously but it sounds like a part of yours is a feeling of rejection you get if you think you're being ignored. This quite often stems from feelings of low self esteem and you have trouble voicing your concerns. Cutting is used as a (not helpful) way of letting the negative emotions out of your body as you can't do it any other way. From what you say you're not having an easy time of things anyway so it all adds up as one huge emotional pile that you just can't deal with.
The thing with the cutting is that as well as being dangerous, the relief doesn't last. It's a temporary solution to a far bigger problem and the only results are you having a scarred body, which is likely to eventually make you feel worse about yourself, and possibly doing some real harm. You do need to get help in dealing with this and the first step, however difficult it might seem, is to talk to a responsible adult who you trust. It could be a teacher, a doctor, a parent or another adult.
You really do need to get help with this as it's not only the scarring, it can become very dangerous, even fatal and I don't think you want things to go that far or you would not be asking for help now.
You might feel it's helping but it's actually a false help. What it's really doing is compounding your negative feelings and making you worse each time you come down from that cut. It's a bit like the way drugs affect you, you think they make you feel good but it's doing the opposite without you realising and then you need another fix, then another and so on. Not good!
You will need to see your doctor about it, there would have to be therapy and you will need to stick with it. You can learn to enjoy life without harming yourself, you just need to be taught the emotional tools to help you do it.
I've included a link for you to read up a little more about this but it is VERY important you get treatment as soon as you can. It might not seem it to you but this is a dangerous thing to do.
Good luck.
http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/self-injury/symptoms-causes/dxc-20165427
So, when I started my current job a year ago a much younger woman, E., was very friendly toward me- catching my eye, smiling, staying behind.
I had had a terrible experience from getting involved in work before so kept my distance from her. I knew that between the age difference (20y) and simply working in the same office nothing good could happen.
She seemed hurt but found a man from another office and they moved in together.
Eventually we got talking and I really enjoyed her company- she has a Visual Arts degree and we share similar tastes in TV and film, though she prefers Fantasy books and is quite a 'romantic' thinker.
She was the first person outside my team to ask about me after my hospital stay, which was nice, and we have some great chats.
Anyway, This Valentines Day we had an office theme and we're encouraged to send cards etc.
I thought it would be nice to send her a Secret Admirer card- nothing intense, just a 'have a happy day' type card, no hearts, declarations of love etc.
When she got it she seemed really happy which was nice to see. The usual "so embarassing" whilst showing it to every other woman. It felt good.
However a week later she suddenly became very distant from me. Avoiding eye contact, curt replies, no smiles. She even left work with a female friend without saying goodnight, neither of which she has done before. I have no idea how she worked out it was from me.
I have kept out of her way as I hate the idea of making her unhappy or uncomfortable in any way.
I tried to do something nice but it backfired. I get on well with everyone else from canteen staff to managers and even have a female work friend the same age as E. who keeps meeting me for lunch.
I don't want to get a reputation as a 'creeper' at work. Nor do I want E. To feel odd around me as in the circumstances I just thought it would make her feel special and happy.
Any advice?
Read more: http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=662306#ixzz4Zw56oIvK
If you feel this unhappy about the change in her attitude all you can do really is find a way to talk to her about it.
Find a non threatening place (for her) to do so and try and find out what the problem is, keeping things relaxed and light. It might be the card, it might not be, only she has the answer. Let her know there were no romantic intentions behind the card (as born out by the type of card you bought), it was just meant as a nice thing from one friend to another. If it was the card then you will need to apologise that you inadvertently upset her, that that was not what you wanted.
If you feel you can't do this you are just going to have to accept this change and hope that at some point she will tell you what she has suddenly found problematic about you.
I hope it all goes well for you.
My alcoholic mother neglected my education from age 5 by "unschooling" me (it's code for lazy parents who are too prideful to admit their failure in homeschooling) I'm going to be 18 next year and I've never been so depressed and hopeless.
I tried to motivate myself to catch up academically years ago, but it just made me too upset to even open a text book.
I have no idea what to do. I feel like I have no future.
There are some brilliant people who lacked a formal education so don't let that stop you.
Decide what you want to do with your life, research what is needed to do it and then you need the discipline and focus to go for it. Don't let your upbringing defeat you, you defeat it! Show yourself and the world what you can do and leave your neglected family life behind you. You're now old to make your own decisions, carve your own path through life and be who you want to be. Don't be upset, be challenged and rise to it.
Good luck.
Hello, I'm freaking out and don't know what to do. I'm completely out of money and overdrafted by -$10 in my account.
I'm a college student who just moved off to college less than a month ago and found a new job three weeks ago. It turned out though that in the first two weeks my job didn't give me very many hours as I was training so I only wound up with about $110 for the first week and haven't been paid yet for this last week and won't be paid for this week until next Thursday or later.
My issue is that I have a car payment and car insurance which totals about $425 together and my car insurance was taken out this morning, which is what overdrafted me.
I even sold a watch that I loved to make money ($80) but I sold it online and now I won't get paid for it until the buyer gets it and accepts it, but who knows when that will be when I just shipped it today.
My car payment ($316) is due on the 26th and though I have a grace period I have no idea how I'm going to be able to make this!!!
Fortunately, because I am a college student I at least have a meal plan so I can depend on that for food during the week. However, I have no money for food on the weekends or anything else I might need. I'm also 100 miles behind on an oil change in my car so I don't even feel safe driving it and it needs a synthetic change which is $60! I don't know what to do, I feel like everything is a giant disaster right now!
I can't ask my mom or dad for money because they don't have any to spare and I'm stuck on campus without any friends since I'm new here.
Please help me with some ideas!
First thing - don't panic!
You should be able to go to your bank and talk to someone about this. If you're up front with them and tell them the difficulties you're having at the moment but that they should be short term, the bank might be able to work out a payment plan for you. If you don't tell them what's happened and you have gone into the red they're more likely to give you additional charges and this could then affect your credit rating for the future. Also call your car insurers and anyone else you owe money to and tell them the same thing. Reduced or delayed payments are far better to them than no payments at all or explanations and the subsequent chasing for the missing funds.
You can also go to your employer and tell them you didn't understand about the delayed wages, you're a bit stuck for money for food and is there any flexibility on allowing a sub. They may refuse as you're a new employee but it's worth a try.
There's not much you can do about the car situation for now, other than not drive it if possible until you can pay for the necessary work.
As for the food, if there are no food kitchens in your area where you can get a meal at the weekends, if you can only find enough for some bread or some other basic food, you should be able to get by for a few weekends.
If there is a college advisor you could also approach them, I'm sure you're not the first student to get into financial difficulties and they might be able to help.
As soon as you start getting money coming in again you'll need to do some accounts so that you know how much you have outgoing and how much incoming each week so that this does not happen again.
All this must seem overwhelming but it can be managed as long as you let the right people know and advise you.
Good luck.
My life kind of started to end on July 15 2014. My wife of 52 years and I were sitting on our deck when we looked at each other and said, You know something we got it made. That was because I had finally retired and we had moved into our new house in the mountains. That was around one pm when we spoke those words.
That night around seven we got a call from one of our daughters (Barb). She told us that she had just left the doctors and they had told her she had stage four ovarian cancer, and that she had 1 to 5 years to live.
This as you can imagine floored us. The next morning my wife (Elaine) and I packed her suitcase. We decided that my wife would move in with Barb to help her as much as possible. Barb lives three hours away, so we thought I would drive down on weekends and bring our dog with me.
After three months of Elaine staying there and me coming down on weekends, the stress got so bad between my wife and I. You see, Elaine is 71 years old and she was taking care of Barbs whole house. There are four in the family, Barb, her husband (Jeff) daughter (Kristin age 21) and son (Jeffery age 17). She looked like she was 90 years old. This was killing my wife. Well after three months had gone by, Barb went back to work, so Elaine decided to come home and we would go down on weekends. This lasted till 1/10/16 when Barb passed away.
When my wife came home, I was relieved that she could rest and try to get back to somewhat of a normal life. Well that did not happen. From the minute and I mean minute Elaine walked in the door I was accused of having an affair. I could not believe my ears. Her reasoning was she found Cialis in my bureau drawer. After her throwing this at me I showed her that it was a sample with my name written on it. The funny part of it was, Elaine was the one that picked it up at the doctors office. By the way our doctor not only wrote my name on the box but the date 1/16/2012. Four years before we moved to the mountains.
That was the end of that session. But two weeks later she told me my girlfriend stole five pair of her jeans from the closet. I could go on an on about the accusations but to name just a few. Cigarette butts found in the street meant my girlfriend was standing there watching the house. I was told while we where both out shopping together that there was blood on our mattress pad. When we got home the blood had disappeared. Now remember we never left each others side.
I won’t bore you with more details because there is over 50 accusations made. None of which were true.
Anyway last week a new neighbor moved in and you guessed it I was having an affair with her.
Well two days ago she left me, drained our bank accounts of over $125,000. Leaving me not only with my wife of 52 years but without a penny.
I can’t do this anymore. As much as I love her I want it all to end. I can’t stand the pain. I sit here and look at a bottle of pills the doctor gave us for depression and can’t stop thinking this would end my pain. I was a strong willed man all my life, a rough and tumble construction worker. Well I am a broken man now. She broke me and took my will to live.
I am so terribly sorry you have been though such an awful time, I am not surprised you are feeling things are so hopeless right now.
Your daughter's illness was such a tragic thing to happen and your wife was right on the front line with it. You could only see her at weekends and the rest of the time she had to deal with that heartbreaking situation without you. No wonder she appeared to age so dramatically. All that, combined with what you have said about her behaviour once she was back home makes makes me wonder if she was suffering from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). This does not only affect soldiers, it can found in people who have been through any major trauma, which you both have but your wife was exhausted as well and being there for that whole three months would make her more vulnerable to it. PTSD has a variety of symptoms, you could google them to see if there are any others you recognise, but one of the big ones is irrational and paranoid thinking. Maybe, following the loss of your daughter, she struggled on for a while but then something pushed her into abandoning her life. It could have been something small and nothing which came from you but it would have been that last straw pushing her into leaving so suddenly and dramatically. She needs help but if you don't know where she is that would be a problem. Have you considered contacting the police? If the balance of her mind is disturbed at the moment they would be more likely to look for her. It would also be a relief to you to know where she is and how she is and if she needs medical help she could then get it.
I understand that right now the future is looking very bleak but if you consider the possibility your wife is sick and not in control of her actions, thoughts and words right now it might help you to carry on. Taking those pills as the doctor prescribed is a start, taking them all at once is not the answer you think it is. It can be painful, it can be messy, it might not kill you but leave you with a serious health problem. You also run the risk of your wife coming back and finding you no longer here. What do you think that would do to her? You have other children, how do you think they would feel? I know when people get this bad they think their families would be better off without them but it's really not the case.
You need help and you need it now. Go back to your doctor and tell them everything you've written here, don't leave anything out especially the last part. Is there a friend, family member even a clergyman you can talk to who will listen and comfort you? You need someone with you right now for support, don't be afraid to ask for help, we all have to at some point and it's not something to worry about.
I really hope she comes home and you are able to sort all this out. You both have been through so much, don't give up now. Please talk to someone and get the help you need and then you will get back that will to live. Good luck
Now I'd like to start off that I have depression, for a few years now, I am 17/female. I don't know how this plays into this well enough or has little.
Anyways, for thepast month my depression has gotten hard on me, all the whileI've slowly detached myself from my boyfriend, and with trying to converse with him during those weeks has made him irritated from my lethargy and dealing with me, and soon I called myself off from him and became distant to him. My feelings just started to fade, feelings for him and also I couldn't very well identify my own emotions. It's gotten worse between us and before any of this problem I had made a new (male) friend. I had no intentions to have feelings for him but now they're starting to form little by little. It's all a bit too confusing. Now getting out of the hard hit of depression I had gotten now I'm trying to work it out, but I feel like I'm rejecting a bunch of things out of fear of what'll happen. My boyfriend is sweet, caring, and I'm completely comfortable with but then, sometimes he is just so messy and disrespectful to his parents, embarrassing and boring at times. And then with this other guy, through out my worst days, has managed to make me laugh, talking almost non-stop. While my boyfriend has made me feel pushed away, like what went on inside didn't matter, now all I can explain is "I don't know what's going on inside, I'm sorry" and its tearing me apart if its just depression dampening my emotions or if its legitimate, any of them. Thank you if you read all of this.
If you feel you have depression there is one thing you do need to do to and that's to see your doctor. Depression can be caused by a variety of things which include a chemical imbalance, only a doctor will be able to sort that out for you and if needed, treat it.
As for your boyfriend, he doesn't sound the most supportive or understanding of guys does he? We all have good and bad times in our lives and we need to know that our partners will be there for both. Do you think he would be able to do that? The other guy might not either, only you can tell, but keep in mind that if your partner bugs you near the beginning of a relationship it's not going to get easier, it's going to get worse.
Showing disrespect to his parents isn't a good sign either. Messy isn't such a problem unless you're a neat freak but the emotional stuff and the attitude is more telling about what you can expect in the future.
You might need some time away from both of them to sort out your feelings and to see if you do have depression or if you're being affected by your current situation. If you choose to do this and one or both make you feel worse about your decision instead of understanding it and giving you the time and space, you have your answer anyway.
Keep in mind that depression is a horrible, horrible thing to have. It takes time, it might need medication, it certainly needs understanding and compassion to work through it. That's going to be hard to do if you're stressed about a difficult relationship at the same time.
Good luck whatever you decide to you but please, see a doctor first if you haven't already?
I've been going through a recent complicated break-up. The thing is I kinda rejected him because I want to get my life back together first before being in a committed relationship. I wasn't able to offer my heart back in return to this guy who loved me so purely because I got scared that the moment I say 'yes' we'd be in a really serious relationship. And the thought of being in a serious relationship scared me. I got scared and I made a stupid mistake by talking to it with another guy friend. And it almost felt like I cheated on him, he felt like I cheated. And now he's not in love with me anymore and that it's impossible for us to be together again. Which hurt so bad.
I know all of that's kinda convoluted, but long story short, I'm hurt because I hurt the one guy who's never done anything but love me so purely and see the best in me by being a stupid and weak girl. What if he's the one for me, what if I blew the chance to be with my soulmate? What if I never meet anyone who will love me as much as he did? I can't get over the pain and the loneliness no matter what I do.
I know I've made a mistake too. But I'm not aiming to get back together with him, because he's already said it's impossible. Now he just wants to be friends with me because he knows we're really close and he doesn't want to lose that and he said that I don't deserve to be abandoned completely. What should I do to get over him and forgive myself? I'm really sorry it was really long. Thank you to anyone who will help.
You were quite obviously not ready to commit to a serious relationship after a difficult break up. Two things make me wonder if, despite what you say, this new guy was actually 'the one'.
Firstly, you didn't feel confident enough of him, despite you saying he loved you purely, to talk to him about this and to say that you were not yet ready to commit, you just needed a bit more time. Any guy worth having would have understood this and wait until you were ready.
Secondly, after making this error of judgement (and that's all it was and could happen to anyone) he is not prepared to accept that you were merely seeking advice and thought processing, nothing else. You did not cheat on him despite what you both think. Your insecurities following the break up of your previous relationship understandably led you to wanting to sort things out in your own head by talking to someone else. If that someone else was not the new man it was probably because it made it easier to say what was on your mind. Sometimes, it is easier to process thoughts about a situation with a person unconnected with it and therefore has no emotional involvement. Additionally, he also sounds as though he is of a controlling nature, do you really want that sort of relationship? It would hardly be an equal one would it?
The fact that he is not prepared to accept this and has decided that he no longer loves you because of it surely gives you a clue that he did not love you 'purely' or 'see the best in you', as the first time there is something that is not to his liking, he ends things.
This guy is not your soul mate, however you may feel at the moment, he is not 'the one' and if he truly loved you he would have understood why you needed to talk to someone else even if he didn't like it. Hard facts but true nonetheless.
We all make mistakes in life, it's a part of learning and growing as a person and maturity. The test is whether we do learn from them and also shows how others really feel about us. If he is unable to accept we are all subject to natural human frailty on occasions and need support at these times, not abandonment, I think you dodged another difficult relationship.
Don't you think you are worth more than that? Wouldn't you prefer a man who will support you in good times and bad, will understand when you falter and will wait for you to be ready? That is more of a 'pure' love and 'seeing the best in you' than what you thought he was offering.
Whether you choose to remain friends with him or not is your decision, and only yours, not his. He abandoned you when you needed his understanding, is that a good enough basis for a friendship or he is likely to do this again for some other reason? Is remaining friends going to hurt you or will it be a positive emotion going forward? Hard questions you need to ask yourself and think about carefully. If he is not going to enhance your future by staying in it maybe a complete break would be the best thing.
One more thing, there is absolutely no reason or justification for thinking you won't find someone else, when you are ready. You have had relationships, which shows you are capable but these are just showing you what you do and do not want in a partner. Just keep in mind there is nothing to forgive yourself for as you have done nothing wrong. You didn't have an affair, you just wanted to talk to someone. You will get over him because he has shown very clearly he is not right for you despite what you are currently feeling. These emotions will gradually ease and you will see this situation as it really is, a lucky escape. Just give yourself some time and be gentle with yourself, you're going to be just fine.
Good luck.
I am creating a faux research proposal for a class and my stats background is very limited.
The study I am creating has to do with parental empathy and child's conduct.
Parental empathy is measured by coding a parent interview and dichotomizes empathy as either high empathy or low empathy.
Conduct is measured by a teacher questionnaire and is again dichotomized, high conduct problems with low conduct problems.
What statistical test should I use to compare these two dichotomized variables?
Hi, maths is not a strong subject for me but I have found this simplified guide for statistical testing. It is in a pdf format but there are free add-ons online to convert these to word should you need it.
I hope it is of some use.
http://www.cbgs.k12.va.us/cbgs-document/research/Stats%20For%20Dummies.pdf
I'm a white cisgender homosexual female. White racism isn't real, cisphobia isn't real, misandry isn't real, and heterophobia isn't real. Were white people enslaved and segregated for decades and still get killed in hate crimes? Nope. Do cisgenders get an increased risk of being bullied, suicidal, or killed? Nope. Did heterosexuals get burned and prevented from being married and have people insult them for holding hands in public, or people call things they don't like "straight"? Nope. Do rich people starve on the streets and have no clothes or water and need to work their ass off? Nope. Did males ever get sold into sexual slavery, rights taken away, pushed from science careers? Nope. It makes no sense to me these people who had everything handed to them on a golden platter with a silver spoon in their mouth already with a head start in life feel opressed. Why?
I'm not quite sure what advice you're looking for here, if any. Prejudice is a sad fact of human history and although it is not as bad as it was, it is still there.
If you want some advice can you please be clearer about your request?
Thank you
No one is giving me the support I want n it been so hard 2 me because I haven't tell anyone how I fell
I'm sorry, I would like to help but I do need more information. What has happened?
23/F
So basically I'll start off with I was with my boyfriend for 5 years and when we broke up in June I felt so sad i have always had depression and self harmed myself but no one knew Fourth of July weekend I felt the saddest I have ever felt and looked at my medicine cabinet and said what am I going to take to kill myself I thought about death every day and thought it was normal. I talked to my doctor and she put me on zoloft. I have never felt better until yesterday. I met this new guy and I finally moved on to my ex we had sex twice both with condoms. The only skin on skin action was us in the shower but we never physically did it until after with a condom. The next day I had an outrageous yeast infection and I found out yesterday I have Herpes. I have only been with 2 people and this is what happens...the guy I slept with is in denial and said he doesn't have anything but maybe he does now because I gave it to him! He was with his ex for 2 years and he said they are both fine. I just don't understand how this happened to me and now I am back in my hole where I don't want to live anymore. I feel broken and sad and nobody is going to want me.
Symptoms of Herpes might not appear for months or even years after being affected. Not everyone experiences any straight away, so it possible that the new man has it but didn't know and as you developed the symptoms the next day that does sound the most likely. His ex could also have it but they could both be asymptomatic, who knows which of them had it first! They both need to be tested and you need to stop beating yourself up about this. It is completely normal for someone to be in denial when it comes to STD's, no one likes to be held responsible, even unwittingly.
Get yourself treated, drop him a message to tell him he could have had it for years without knowing and suggest that he and his ex get tested. Then start looking forward to the future. There is someone out there who will want to be with you.
i am 13, and i live with my adoptive parents. my real mom had me at 16 and got me token away when i was very young. i have always said that i would not be a teen mom, that i would wait for after marriage. but yesterday i found out that i am pregnant. how do i tell my parents? and i will not get an abortion and i don't want to give my baby away. so how will i tell my mom( that is 6 months pregnant) and dad that their 13 year old daughter is pregnant and wants to keep her baby?
I take it you have done a pregnancy test and been to your doctor to check it? If not, you will need to do so. The doctor cannot tell your parents if you are pregnant without your permission. If you know the doctor well and think it will help, you could ask for their assistance in telling your parents.
If the doctor's help is not an option you will need to choose a time when there is nothing else going on that is distracting or stressing them. You will want them to be focused on what you are telling them and in a receptive mood to start with.
Then you just need to say you have something to tell them, you are sorry if they feel you have let them or yourself down but you are pregnant and would appreciate their help and support both now and after you have had the baby.
You must expect them to be upset and angry but that should pass. The worst thing you could do is get angry yourself, wait until they've calmed down enough to talk to them again. Then tell them how you feel about it and ask for their thoughts. This is courtesy and shows you have the maturity to deal with what is to come, it does not mean you have to follow what they say if you do not agree. There will be questions, a lot of questions and you need to be prepared for this and to answer them. If you really want to keep the baby you will need their support now and in the years to come so you must be honest with them from the start.
You have to keep in mind that at your age there could be more difficulties than if you were older, so you do need to have support and see a doctor if you've not already done so. Your parents are going to be concerned about you so a chat with them and the doctor could be helpful to all of you.
I hope all goes well with you.
Hello!
As the headline says, im trying to be a better man, and being able to do some self defense is never bad idea. I heared that some martial arts are tied with some sort of philosophy and through it teaching other things for life then just "beating people" (because beating people is NOT my desire in the first place). I will be most grateful if you give me any suggestions i could follow.
Thank you!
If you would like to try a martial art which also teaches you to 'be a better person' you might be interested in trying Taekwondo, It's a Korean martial art with the emphasis on kicks but done in the appropriate way, so you learn discipline among other things. It's also very good for increasing your levels of fitness. I've enclosed a link for you to read more about it.
http://www.usadojo.com/styles/about-tae-kwon-do-tenets.htm
My friends did the challenge but we didn't know we had to say charlie charlie can we stop? before we could stop playing! Are we all going to be haunted until we die or just the person who first asked to summon the demon?
SCARED PLEASE HELP!
Absolutely not! This is just a story put around to frighten people and you should take no notice at all. If this sort of thing is going to bother you, don't play these games until you are old enough to understand that it is nonsense and relies on the fear factor to make a game more appealing.
Hi,
I'm usually pretty good at giving advice, but this I can't help myself with. I'm 13 and I just got transferred to a new place. I've been here for two months now. As many people here are teens they love to act all grown up and I'm not comfortable with the kind of things they do and the language they use, so I'm not friends with anyone, I tried to adjust and get used to them but without a friend I just can't manage. I'm kind of shy but I can make friends easily, but no one is like me (a little kiddish and crazy) everyone loves to act all grown up. I'm having a tough time making friends, please give me some advice on how I can adjust or I'll end up a lonely girl who talks to herself
It is hard to settle into a new place, everything is just so different. The others are probably struggling to find their place in the world as well but are choosing another path to yours.
If you feel you're not going to be able to make friends at school try looking at a club or group out of school where you are more likely to find people you have more in common with.
It won't be long before you'll find yourself becoming more grown up so enjoy the time you have left as a kid and build some memories to look back on.
I am a little embarrassed to ask my mum I'm 12 years old a male but how do I ask my mum to buy me new underpants?
There isn't any easier way than coming right out and asking her. It might be embarrassing the first time but it won't shock her. We all need new underwear from time to time so it's not an unusual request.
We've all been through that embarrassment stage and you will get through it just fine. Just get your courage together and go for it, you'll probably end up wondering what you were worried about. :)